


Just Keep Breathing

by Choose_Love_H_S



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asthma, F/M, Fanfiction, Friendship, Harry Styles - Freeform, Illnesses, Love, Romance, Styles - Freeform, f/m - Freeform, harry - Freeform, jeffrey azoff - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:49:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 85
Words: 194,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14348295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Choose_Love_H_S/pseuds/Choose_Love_H_S
Summary: When Katie agrees to accompany her best friend Mel to a Harry Styles concert, she has no idea how much her life is about to change. Fighting her own insecurities and health issues, Katie must try and navigate the strange new world she finds herself thrown in to as people and events from her past rear their ugly heads.This is my first attempt at writting a fan fic, or anything for that matter and I'd appreciate any comments you have. Thanks. #Treatpeoplewithkindness





	1. Chapter 1

“Just stop your crying  
It's a sign of the times  
We gotta get away from here  
We gotta get away from here  
Stop your crying  
Baby, it will be alright  
They told me that the end is near  
We gotta get away from here”

“Mel? Mel? Fuck. Mel?”

“You alright babe?”

“No.. Can't. breathe.”

I wave my empty inhaler in her face. It's too damn hot in here. Sandwiched in between god knows how many other women, all desperately clamouring to get closer to the heart throb on stage. He's not bad to look at I must admit, but after nearly 2 hours of this, me and my fragile chest are reaching their limit. As the dark haired, well suited guy on stage continues to croon out what Mel assures me is the last song in his set. My chest is getting tighter and tighter.. you're right Harry, I've got to get away from here. I think sadly. 

“Shit. OK, we need to get you out of here”

Mel is calm but serious as she starts to try and bustle us closer to the stage, I don't understand what she's doing, but as the world around me starts to sway and dip, I find myself unable to care and I allow her to pull me through the throng, shouting Emergency! Let us through! As she goes. Finally we reach the barriers where Mel proceeds to grab a security guard. 

“My friends having an asthma attack and her inhalers run out, we need a power point to plug in her nebuliser.” 

The guard looks dumbfounded for a split second, clearly trying to decide if we are crazed fans just trying to get closer to the stage, or if we really need help. At that moment though my legs start to buckle and I sway. Managing to grab the railing and steady myself enough that I don't face plant in to him. Just when I think things can't get any worse.. 

“We've got to get... Sorry, can we get the lights up please?? lights? Are you ok?” 

Shit. Please please please tell me that he hasn't noticed me.. please please. But I am just not that lucky, he's staring straight at me, one arm outstretched, proffering a water bottle in my direction. 

“Guys if you can all just give her some space please.. we'll restart the song in just a moment.” 

Mortifying! Thankfully, finally realising the seriousness of the situation, the guard grabs me under my arms and lifts me gently over the railing. Mel, who is a bit bigger than me, doesn't pretend he can do the same for her, and wrenches a section of it out of the way and squeezes through the gap. My oversized back pack which stores my nebuliser, the thing I need more than anything in this world right not, clutched tightly in her hands. 

I bump along uncomfortably in the security guards arms as he carries me out of the arena and in to a darkened corridor as the music starts back up and I hear Harry apologising to the crowd. Wait. Are we going back stage? I try and mumble to the guard that I just need a plug socket.. I can happily go out in to the foyer, but I can't get any air in to my lungs to force the words out. 

“Just try and breathe honey please, we'll get you set up, just a few more seconds”Mel tries to reassure me lightly taking my hand as the security guard places me on a large couch. It's seen better days, the cushions are plump but misshapen from the multitude of arses that have sat on it over the years.. wait why am I concerned about the plumpness of the cushions right now? I need to breathe!! 

I glance down and see Mel has got the nebuliser out of the backpack and plugged in, but she's staring at the little vials of medication and tubes like they might explode. I push her hands away and drag the small blue machine on to my lap. I reckon I could turn this on in my sleep, having been reliant on it to keep me alive since I was 2 years old. I grab a couple of vials of medication and squeeze them in to the container. Screw on the face mask and hit the power button. I shove it against my face and pitifully attempt to take deep breaths. Just breathe Katie. I tell myself over and over. 

Within a few minutes the medicine starts to work and I can feel my breathes coming easier, the ache in my chest subsiding to a dull thudding. My heart is beating wildly as the neds seep through my system and cause it to speed up. I glance up at Mel. 

“I'm so sorry, I truly thought I was well enough to come tonight.. I would never have come if I'd known..” I splutter out between wheezes. 

“Ssh shh. It's ok! You can't help when your asthma decides it wants to make an appearance! Besides, we're backstage! Harry's beautiful behind may have graced this very couch. No need to apologise to me!“

Mel truly is an amazing friend. She always manages to find the best in every situation and cheer me up. I smile fitfully and remember when she first started begging me to come along with her tonight. Months ago. 

“Please please please! I'll be your best friend forever! I so desperately want to go!”

“This is the guy from one direction right? Kinda cute in a I need a hair cut kind of way?”

“Harry Styles. THE Harry Styles. And he has cut his hair. Don't even get me started on my feelings about that. Please will you come with me? Its only Hammersmith, and I'll buy the tickets. Please please please!!”

I have never been able to say no to Mel. Since the first night we met on her 18th birthday 5 years ago, when all her so called friends decided it was time to call it a night at 11pm and she wanted to go dancing, it was me that stayed out with her and danced the night away. We became the best of friends that night and have remained so ever since. There is just nothing to dislike about Mel. She's larger than life in every sense, and always up for a good time. 

 

“I don't even know any of his music.. I took my niece to see one direction at Wembley a few years ago.. but isn't he solo now?” 

“I'll buy you the damn CD, you can learn the songs! You'll love it, I promise.”

Mel gives me her best puppy dog eyes and I give in. I don't think I was ever really saying no, if nothing more its a night out right? It'll be fun. I sigh. 

“Go on then you pain in the arse woman. Book the damn tickets.” 

“You, Katie Francis, are THE best person in the entire world! I love you!!” 

Fast forward 5 months and here we are.. sitting back stage at the Hammersmith Apollo, London, trying to pretend this is remotely normal. The security guard is standing in the corner of the room talking on a radio. 

“I'll be right out.”I hear him mumble in to it. 

“Erm, ladies? The shows finished and I need to go out and help disperse the crowd, you going to be ok in here for a few minutes?” 

I nod sheepishly whilst Mel profusely thanks the helpful security guard and reassures him that we'll be fine, I just need to finish my meds and we'll be out of his hair. I lay back on the sofa trying to relax. The nebuliser is helping, but I know the minute I take my mask off I am going to struggle to breathe again. Shit, how am I going to manage the tubes home? Just then there is a light knock at the door. 

“Hi, sorry to barge in, I erm, just wanted to check that you were ok?” 

Harry Styles himself pokes his too pretty face around the door. He's removed the blue suit jacket he's been wearing on stage all evening and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, he looks much more like the 23 year old boy he is now, rather than the showman prancing around on stage.  
Mel has jumped up out of her seat and is shaking his hand before I've even registered what's happening. 

“Well, aren't you just fucking lovely to come check on her! Thank you so much, she's doing a bit better thank you. Oh I'm Mel by the way, and this is Katie..” 

“Hi..” I manage. Letting out an audible wheeze as he crouches down in front of me and looks straight in to my eyes. Wow. Have his eyes always been so green? Why haven't I noticed that in any of the many many pictures my teenage niece used to have all over her bedroom walls? 

“Hey Katie, how are you feeling? Can I erm get you anything? Water? I have an inhaler if you.. but of course you have your nebuliser.. can I get you anything?” He repeats, for a global superstar he's not that eloquent. He has an inhaler? Is he asthmatic? 

“Thank you, I'll be ok, I just need.. to breathe.” I gasp. 

“You were amazing tonight Harry by the way, I should have said that before, completely amazing, and Awesome suit by the way.” Mel interrupts. 

“Thank you.” He mumbles shyly still not looking away from me. He hasn't moved from his crouched position in front of the ragged sofa, and I still can't wrench my eyes away from his, they really are a beautiful colour. “I should leave you ladies in peace, and I need to shower.. erm, would it be ok if I come back in a bit and check on you before I leave?” 

I nod emphatically, for some reason I don't quite understand, I really don't want him to leave. 

“Of course! We'll be here. I've still gotta work out how I'm gonna get this one home in this state.” Mel replies. 

“Ok, well, if you need anything then erm, my managers just in the next room, so give him a shout and he'll get it.. anything you want. Ok. Bye then.” He stammers as he straightens up to his full height, stretching his arms so that his shirt raises just a little out of his tailored suit trousers. Are those .. Leaves? Laurels? I get a quick flash of a tattoo on his right hip as he turns to leave the room. 

“Right babe, seriously, how am I supposed to get you home exactly?” Mel asks. 

My breathing is improving, I risk taking the mask off my face to respond to her. 

“I'll be ok, but I'm not sure I can cope with the trains tonight, fairly sure I've had enough excitement for one evening. How bout an Uber?” I say, pulling out my phone and opening the app. 

15 minutes or so later, my nebuliser has finished and I am feeling pretty ok all things considered. Mel and I are debating if we have enough cash to pay for an Uber home, it's over 15 miles and neither of us are exactly rich. I work in a bar and Mel is a student so cash is always tight. I hear another light knock at the door and Harry steps back in to the room. He's changed and clearly showered, his hair is wet and glistening, slicked back on his forehead and he's wearing an old concert T-shirt and ripped jeans. Hmm I'm starting to see why Mel is so infatuated with this guy. 

“Hey, how you feeling?” 

He seems much more comfortable now and flops down next to me on the battered sofa. Mel has settled herself in to an arm chair across the room, she was engrossed gazing at her phone screen until she heard Harry's deep melodic voice. 

“I'm fine, thank you so much, I'm so sorry to have caused so much trouble, and you stopped your song.. I'm, I'm really embarrassed, you really didn't need to come and check on me, you must be exhausted.. I'm rambling. I'm sorry.” I blurt out. 

“That's my girl! One minute she can't get enough air to talk at all, the next she's talking a million miles an hour to get out every word she can before her asthma rears its ugly head again.” Mel teases me coming over to sit on the arm of the sofa next to me and throwing her arm casually around my shoulders. Suddenly I realise that we aren't meant to be here and start packing up my medication and nebuliser and roughly shoving it all in to my bag. 

“Hey, hey, its fine, honestly, don't be sorry! Asthma right? its hardly something you can control. Give yourself a break. Besides, erm, I think the crowd loved you, I ended up singing that last song twice. And, talk as fast as you like, everyone complains that I talk too slowly.”

He really is very sweet, hard to believe he's a megastar, he could just be any normal guy that would come in to the pub on a Saturday afternoon to watch the football. 

“Thank you, you're very kind, we really should be going now though. Mel? Did you sort an Uber?”

“An Uber? Have you got far to go?” Harry asks

“Erm, Sutton, It's just past Wimbledon, really its not that far, I just don't quite feel up to navigating the underground right now is all.” I murmur in response, staring down at my shoes. I really have got to go shopping I think idly. Noticing the scuffs and bruises in the soft leather. 

“Well let me drive you then, my car's right out the back, least I can do after almost killing you at my concert.” Harry responds and gets to his feet. 

“Oh no no! We couldn't let you do that, thank you so much, but really we'll be fine.” I gasp, horrified at the idea of putting him out any more than I already have this evening. Where's a sink hole to swallow you up when you need one? I am sure I must be red as a beetroot about now.. 

“Well.. Actually..” Mel starts to interrupt. “That would be so helpful, I can't get an Uber for at least an hour,” she says, glancing up from her phone, “and I really would rather get this one home as soon as possible.” She nods towards me.

I stare at her open mouthed. Unable to comprehend what she's asking of him, but then I shake myself. Of course she was going to take him up on his offer, it'll make a great story for her, and she can grill him for the hour it'll take to drive us home. 

“It would be my pleasure,“ Harry states. Extending his hand to me. “May I?” He asks  
God he really is pretty.. Mel grabs my backpack and as Harry helps me off the sofa I feel like I'm in a dream. Slowly he guides us out the back entrance of the building. Calling out to his someone in another room we pass, that he's going to drive us home and he'll buzz them later on. As we exit the Apollo I take a long deep breath of cool air, relishing in the fact that my lungs allow me to. There is a large black Range Rover with tinted windows sat in the parking lot. I hear a small beep and realise Harry has pressed the button on his keys to open the car. 

“Hop in!” He calls, as he climbs in to the drivers seat. Mel jumps in behind him, leaving me to take the front passenger seat. The car is warm and comfy, and he's clearly a good driver, he doesn't seem remotely phase to have two strange women sitting in his car with him. He asks for the postcode and punches it in to his sat nav, then pulls out of the automatic gates, slowly turning in to the London traffic. 

“Thanks again for this” I say sheepishly

“Don't mention it. I rarely get the opportunity to drive when I'm touring, it makes a nice change. Erm, the sat nav says its going to be about a 50 minute drive, why don't you tell me about yourself Katie?” 

I look down at my knees, why on earth does he want to know about me? Is this just his way of ensuring that Mel and I don't grill him with questions all the way home? I glance at Mel for back up and notice that in the 5 minutes we've been in the car she has managed to fall fast asleep. Clearly that last vodka was one too many. I cringe, glad that I don't drink and turn back to Harry. 

“Well.. I'm Katie, I'm 25, I'm a barmaid.. I'm asthmatic as you may have noticed, I smile, embarrassed again, and I am currently mortified to be being driven home by one of the biggest pop stars in the world after making a prat out of myself in front of him and several thousand of his fans.”

He laughs, its is a deep bark of a sound which makes me jump a little. Well at least I've amused him. 

“Hi Katie, erm, I'm Harry, 23.. singer. Not at all mortified to be driving a pretty girl home, and just, erm, happy she's still breathing.” 

The journey seems to take no time at all, Harry has me laughing and chatting away the entire time and before I even register that we've left London, we're pulling in to my quiet suburban street. 

“It's just up here on the left.” I state gesturing to the converted house a little further up

He pulls the oversized car perfectly in to a space that I wouldn't have even attempted to manoeuvrer it in to and turns off the engine. There's a slow melodic country song playing on the radio, I have never heard it before, but evidently, Harry has as he is humming long absent mindedly. 

“Erm, Katie.. I'd really like to make tonight up to you, I can't have you not getting to see the whole show.. I have another concert tomorrow night, at the Apollo again, will you come? Please?”

I gulp. “Harry that really is lovely of you to offer, but you've already gone above and beyond here, you don't need to do anything else, honestly” 

“Well... how about you do it as a thank you to me then? For driving you home? I'll be worrying about you otherwise and I erm won't be able to concentrate, but if you're there in the crowd, I won't have to worry.” 

He flashes me a megawatt smile, two large dimples form in his cheeks, I expel a breath that I hadn't even realised I was holding and gaze at him dumbfounded. He'll be worrying about .. me? 

“I guess, if it's as a favour to you, and after all you've done this evening, it would be really rude of me to refuse wouldn't it?” 

I didn't think it was possible, but his smile widens even further. 

“Thank you! I'll send a car for you, say around 5? we could have a pizza before I go on?” 

“Oh my good really?” Mel screeches from the back of the car. It seems she's finally woken up. 

Harry and I both laugh, it feels good, natural, to laugh with him. He really isn't what I would have expected at all. 

“Yes really.” He chuckles and steps out of the car. I unbuckle my seat belt but before I have chance to grab the handle, the door shoots open and there is Harry, hand outstretched ready to help me out of the car, quite the gentlemen it seems. 

“See you tomorrow.” He says as I take Mel's arm and start walking towards our front door. 

“Tomorrow.” I whisper. And rush in to the house before I get lost in those eyes of his again.


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh my fucking god, can you believe that really just happened?” Mel screams the minute the door is shut and we're alone grabbing hold of my hands and bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

I giggle nervously. “What I can't believe, is that you just slept the entire way back and didn't even get to speak to him! And! You snored. Loudly.”

“I did not!” Mel's cheeks flush. “I do NOT snore. So, what did you guys talk about?? clearly you made quite the impression, I don't think he gives out concert tickets and dinner invitations to every girl he meets”

I flop on to the sofa in the living room of our tiny two bedroom flat. It's not much, but its home and its comforting to be back here after all the excitement of the evening. Mel disappears in to the kitchen and comes back with a glass of wine for her and water for me. I take a sip gratefully, not realising how thirsty I had become. 

“Tell me everything!” She demands as she slides on to the sofa next to me and pulls a fluffy blanket across both our legs. “What did he say? Did he talk about the other boys? Do you think he could introduce me to Liam? That boy is Finnne.” 

I giggle again. “Isn't that boy also dating Cheryl what's her name? I remember reading that they had a kid.. “

“Way to burst my bubble. Fine! You can sit here relishing in the fact that Harry Freaking Styles asked you out on a date, whilst I nurse my broken heart.” 

“He didn't ask me on a date! He was just being kind, wanting to make sure we get to experience his show properly, that's all. He did talk about the band a little yes, but only to say that he loved his time with them when I mentioned I had taken Rose to see them at Wembley. Other than that, I explained that I wasn't a crazed fan and that you had taken me along tonight and we just, you know, talked.. about normal stuff! Movies, hobbies, food.. he's just a person Mel. It was the same kind of conversation I'd have with you.”

I don't mention to her that twice when he changed gear his hand brushed along my thigh and my heart skipped several beats or that I kept forgetting how to breathe when he smiled at me, there's no point. He's a superstar, and I'm a barmaid, its not like I'll ever see him again after tomorrow. 

“I'm going to bed.” I announce and jump up before she can grill me any further, “its been a long day and apparently, I have another concert to go to tomorrow. Goodnight!”

“Have Harry.. I mean Happy dreams.” Mels teases as I start to climb the stairs. 

I glance at the clock, only 2pm, I am seriously starting to wonder if its still working. I reach up across the shelves of expensive liquor that no one ever buys and tap the clock lightly. It ticks in response and the minute hand clicks over to its next position. Nope still working. How is it only 2pm. I feel like I've been stood behind this bar forever. I have the lunch shift today, just 12-3, its meant to be my week off, but somehow I got suckered in to covering. I really need to learn to say no. It's been a really quiet day, which is hardly unusual for a Monday lunchtime but I could use the distraction of lots of customers and noise today. I still can't quite believe that last night was real, I keep wondering if I dreamt it all. A buzz in my pocket announces a text from Mel, confirming that it was indeed true. 

“What are you going to wear tonight? I can't decide between my playsuit and my silvery top, what do you think?”

“Silvery top. Definitely. And I am going to wear clothes I haven't thought further ahead than that. I'll be home around 3:30, I need to fill my prescription on the way back, so I'll have plenty of time to figure it out.” 

“I'll pick you out some outfits to choose from! Don't be late, the car's coming at 5 remember.” 

Crap that's right, he's sending a car, why on earth did I agree to that? We could quite easily have got the train. At least I know he won't be driving us, I guess it'll be a chauffeur of some kind.. do pop stars have chauffeurs? He'll be preparing for his show. I pick up some polish and a rag and get to work cleaning every inch of the bar until I can practically see my face in it in a pitiful attempt to distract myself from the evenings plans. I hope I don't have to stand down in the pit again I think, not sure my lungs can handle another night of that. When the clock finally hits three, I say a quick goodbye to Mark, my manager, grab my bag and head off to the pharmacy.

Ding Dong! 

“I'll get it!” Screeches Mel and bounds past me out of the kitchen and to the front door. She swings it open and a man in a shirt and chinos announces, “I'm here on behalf of Mr Styles, to collect a ..,” he glances down at a sheet of paper in his hand, “Miss Francis and a Miss Clarke?” 

“That's us!! We'll be right out!” Mel shrieks at the poor man, its going to be a long night if she doesn't calm herself down a bit. In the kitchen I run a glass under the tap, grab my handful of nightly pills and gulp them down. With a bit of luck these will help me stay in one piece tonight. I knock my knuckles against the table in the hallway as I walk past it, touch wood! I think superstitiously and make my way to the door. 

The car he's sent isn't his jumbo Range Rover from last night, but a sleek 2017 Mercedes, its luxuriously fitted interior spotlessly clean. Hmm I wonder how many other women he's given this treatment to I ponder as I clamber in, trying to manoeuvrer so that the too short black dress Mel has forced me to wear doesn't reveal any more of my flesh than it already is. 

I spent a little time googling Mr Styles on my walk to the chemist after work, and the man has quite the reputation as a Lothario. According to the tabloids he's dated just about every model on the planet and a few popstarletts as well, I hope this dress doesn't give him the wrong idea. Even if only half the reports are true.. that is still an awful lot of women. 

As a rule, I don't date. Or at least, not any more. I met a man at 18 and thought I was madly in love with him, we got a flat, got engaged, and life seemed perfect, until he started doing the odd line of coke on a Saturday night. Saturday night soon turned in to every night, and before I knew it, he had graduated on to drugs I barely knew the names of. He and his friends sitting in our living room until the small hours of the morning, drinking and taking their multitudes of pills and powders. Whilst I hid in our bedroom trying not to make a sound. I learnt pretty quickly that I didn't want to be around when he was in that state. He would get angry, and when he got angry, he got violent. There are only so many times you can tell your friends you walked in to a door before they stop believing that is really the reason for your black eye.

Eventually I left him, but it took me 5 years to do it. And in the 18 months since then I hadn't so much as glanced at a man in anything but a friendly manner... until last night. What was that?.. Saturday nights for me are work nights, whilst Mel is out at parties or on a date, I am generally stood behind the bar taking the shift no one else wants to work as they all have better things to do. Occasionally I take a night off and Mel drag's me along to one of her many friends house parties, but mostly I just hope they have a pet so that I can hide in the kitchen and play with it. 

As the car winds its way through the heavy evening traffic, I started to wonder what on earth I am going to say to Harry when I see him, what is one supposed to chat to a mega star about whilst he chews pizza before getting on stage to wow thousands of adoring fans. Is there an etiquette I should know about? Is he meant to rest his voice and not talk too much? I feel myself getting more and more nervous as I spot the Apollo coming in to view. The driver pulls up outside and opens the door for us, motioning to go to the main entrance.

To my horror I see that there is already a huge line of women and girls waiting to get in to the venue. I had seen last night that a lot of them had been sleeping out under the fly over for days hoping it would give them a better shot to get to the front and be closer to their idol.. the idol I'm about to have pizza with I think to myself and shake my head. What am I doing here?

As we approach the doors, a dark haired man peers out, he's dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and has a pleasant, open expression on his face, “Katie? Mel?” He asks

“Hi, yes that's us!” Mel announces proudly, a group of girls at the front of the queue have noticed the door opening and are whispering to each other and whipping out their mobile phones. Who is this guy? I wonder

“Come on in!” He steps back and allows us to pass him through the door. “I'm Ben, I'll take you through to H. He'll be glad you've arrived. Maybe now he'll shut up about you for five minutes.” Ben chuckles to himself happily, shaking his head as he leads us through the theatre. He can't be talking about me.. can he? We approach a door backstage and I can hear the sounds of a TV playing inside. He raps lightly on the door and swings it open. 

“H, your guests have arrived mate.” 

Harry is lounging on a large leather sofa, which, I notice, is in much better condition than the one I was sat on last night, clearly this is the more 'upgraded' green room. He jumps up when he hears the door open and flashes us a killer smile, walking over towards us casually. He kisses Mels cheek politely and then turns to me. 

“Glad you could make it. His lips brush against my cheek so lightly I wonder if I've imagined it. Pizza?” He offers. And although I don't think I can possibly eat anything, I nod and made my way to the sofa. 

“Make yourselves comfortable.” He gestures towards the sofa. Mel sits herself down in the middle of it and I perch on one end whilst Harry moves to the other and grabs a slice of Pizza. 

“So! Ready for your show?” I hear Mel ask. But I have no idea what his response is, I am aware of them chatting away next to me but I'm so nervous I seem to have gone deaf. I pick up a slice of pizza and began removing the pepperoni from it Idly. Suddenly a loud shout breaks through my hazy brain. 

“Katie? Are you alive in there?? Harry's offering you a drink..” Mel bellows at me looking completely bewildered as to why I have seemingly lost the ability to speak. Why am I so nervous! He's just a guy. A guy I talked to for an hour last night quite happily. Get a grip Katie. I tell myself. 

“Sorry, thank you Harry, I'd love a coke if you have one?” 

“Nothing stronger?” Harry enquires, passing Mel a rather large glass of red wine.

“Thanks, but I don't drink.” I reply. 

He raises his eyebrows at me in speculation. “You don't? That's fairly unusual for a girl your age, aren't you a barmaid?” 

“I don't have to drink the produce to do the job,” I reply sarcastically. 

Why is it always so strange for people to hear I don't drink through choice? Not because of some health condition or bad experience, just because.. I never really got the taste for it and I don't enjoy the feeling of being drunk. 

“Coke it is,” Harry announces, handing me a glass. I take a sip, the cold wet liquid helping restore me to my senses a little. I hear low music coming from outside. 

“Ah, that's the warm up music, doors must be open. Do you ladies mind if I just hop in the shower and get ready?” 

“Sure,” Mel answers him. “Need any help in there?” She brazenly nods towards the room in to which he is heading, which I can only assume is a bathroom. 

“Cheek! We like cheek around here.” He winks at her before exiting. 

Before long a pretty blonde comes in to the room, she introduces herself as Lou, apparently it's her job to make Harry 'presentable' before curtain. 

The three of us chatted happily for a while. Waiting for Harry to reappear and munching on our pizza. When Harry came back in he was dressed in a very sparkly gold suit.

“Nice Suit!” Mel giggles. Just as Ben walks in

“All ready H? Muna's just gone on, you've got about 45 minutes to curtain.” 

“He will be ready in plenty of time,” Lou answers him pulling Harry down in to a chair in front of a brightly lit mirror and opening up a little pouch that I can only assume contains make up.. Does he wear make up on stage?

“Ladies, shall I show you to your seats? I don't think anyone but Lou needs the displeasure of witnessing Harry get made up.” 

Mel and I giggle. 

“Sure, thanks Ben, have a great show 'H' “. Mel winks, she links her arm through Ben's and they start moving towards the door. Harry jumps up and lightly touches my arm to get my attention just as I turn to follow them. 

“Just a sec.” He says. “Erm, Are you ok? Feeling ok I mean? He asks, pulling me to one side out of ear shot of the others and staring deeply down in to my eyes. I thought seats would be better for you this evening, is that ok?” 

“I'm fine, don't worry about me, you have a show to put on! Shouldn't you be being nervous about that?” 

“I'm a man of many talents, I can worry about many things at once. he winks cheekily. You're sure your ok? “

“Honestly I'm a little.. overwhelmed by all this, this isn't my usual concert going experience, chatting and having pizza with the headline act before hand. But asthma wise, I'm fine. Cross my heart.” I said and mime crossing my heart in front of my chest. “And seating? Good call. Thank you.” 

“Ok, erm well I really hope you enjoy the show”. He says, running his hand through his hair, he does that an awful lot I realise. “Can I see you after? To get your review?”

Harry Styles wants my review on his show? 

“Erm, Sure, I guess.” I answer bashfully looking down at my feet. 

“I'll send Ben to find you after. And Katie?” he calls as he starts to make his way back to the make up chair. 

“Yeah?” 

“You really shouldn't spend so much time looking at your feet. Your eyes are too beautiful to be hidden away like that.”


	3. Chapter 3

I can feel the heat sweeping in to my cheeks as I turn and make a dash down the hallway to catch up with Ben and Mel. Ben leads us to our seats, which it turns out are front row centre of the circle, we have an amazing view of the stage and the sea of people spread out beneath us. He dashes off quickly, I assume to escape the fans before he is recognised again, and Mel and I make ourselves comfortable.

A light pink floral sheet hangs across the stage as it did the night before, a spotlight shines on it, outlining Harry's silhouette. 

“Ohh tell me something I don't already know.”. 

As Harry and his band launch in to the first chords of Ever since New York, the sheet falls down and a thousand lights sparkle off Harry's' golden suit. He looks amazing, standing there guitar in hand, a true showman. As I stare down, he glances up at me and winks. Of course he'd know where we're be sitting I think, shaking my head at my own naivety. 

“Katie, try and look like you're enjoying it at least! He's watching you!” Mel shouts in to my ear.

A couple of the girls around us spin around to look us up and down, evidently deciding we aren't worth paying attention to, they turn back to Harry and his band, just as he starts crooning the opening lines to Carolina. One of my favourites. I decide Mel is right, I can't have him thinking that I'm not having a good time. So I let go and start swaying my hips gently to the melody and sing along with the rest of the crowd. I think I notice him glance at me a few times during the next few songs, but it's hard to tell with all the lights and flashes constantly going off from all the cameras around us. But when he launches in to an up-tempo rock version of a one direction hit I recognise, he blatantly stretches out his arm and points right at me 

“You don't know your beautiful..   
That's what makes you beautiful..   
na, na, na, na, nanana na na, na nana na nana”

My heart jumps in to my throat and I forget how to breathe again. But only for a moment until I pulled myself together. He's just being friendly I chastise myself, stop being silly. 

I know from last night that the next song is my absolute favourite, Kiwi, and I can't wait to watch him start running and jumping around the stage. Half way through the song, as I am bouncing up and down screaming the lyrics with Mel, I see him slip, he manages to style it out, grasping the mic stand at the last minute to steady himself.. but I am certain he nearly fell over. I strain my eyes to try and see if there is anything on stage that could have made him lose his footing, but I am too far away to be able to see clearly. After the song ends, Harry jokingly enlightens the crowd that he had almost slipped indeed, on a Kiwi that someone had thrown on stage. To my surprise, he then bent down and started cleaning it up so that he wouldn't risk slipping again 

“Doesn't he have people to do that for him?” Mel asked me incredulously. But I can't take my eyes off the man on the stage. Endearing, Caring, a true gentlemen.. and soon I'd have to give him my review of his performance. What on earth was I supposed to say? 

 

“We don't talk enough  
We should open up  
Before it's all too much  
Will we ever learn?  
We've been here before  
It's just what we know

Stop your crying, baby  
It's a sign of the times  
We gotta get away  
We got to get away  
We got to get away  
We got to get away  
We got to get away  
We got to, we got to (away)  
We got to, we got to (away)  
We got to, we got to (away)”

As the final chords fade in to the distance, I take a deep breathe, yep still in one piece. Seating is clearly the way to go. Harry strides across the stage, blowing kisses, bowing and thanking everyone he can, with real sincerity in his crystal green eyes and his hands clasped over his heart. He truly looks like he is so grateful to each and every person in the audience for coming and allowing him to showcase this part of himself. Eventually he leaves the stage. Mel and I glance at one and other.. what now? 

“Well. I guess we wait for Ben to reappear?” Mel wonders aloud 

“I guess so, maybe they'll wait till everyone's left, make it less obvious?” I asked her. 

Realising that several of the girls around us are now trying to listen in to our conversation, I lower my voice significantly. 

“Maybe we should just sit here and wait.” I whisper.

Mel nods and we take our seats again, watching as the crowded theatre slowly empties and the din lessens My ears are ringing from all the screaming and it is a relief when things finally get quiet. Mel and I play around on our phones whilst we patiently wait for Ben. About 20 minutes after the show ends he reappears

“Sorry ladies, H wanted to jump in the shower before greeting you. Are you ready?” 

We get up and follow him backstage. 

“Harry! Amazing show. Absolutely A-Mazing.” Mel screeches. She throws her arms around him and gives him a huge hug, why can't I be that open I ask myself. As Harry extracts himself from her embrace. 

“Thanks Mel, so glad you liked it. Did you see me slip? How fucking embarrassing, although erm, I suppose I should be happy that I'm improving the sales of Kiwi's. “ Harry chuckles I wander over to his side

“Great show, really Harry, you were.. you were.. it's like your at home on that stage. Its endearing.” 

“Endearing? Really. Thank you Katie.” He lowers his eyes for a second looking almost embarrassed. 

He leads us over to the same sofa we were sitting on earlier. As Ben clears his throat loudly. 

“Mel? Would you like me to give you a tour of the place?” 

“Sure, sounds fun! Don't do anything I wouldn't do Katie!” Mel murmurs in my ear as she bends and kisses my cheek before hurrying off with Ben, leaving me and Harry quite alone. Subtle Mel. I think to myself. 

He has changed from his stage suit in to the same ripped jeans as yesterday, and yet another band T-shirt. Kings of Leon, at least its a band I know this time I think. He looks totally at ease, lounging on the sofa, a glass of wine in one hand. I on the other hand feel like a complete idiot. Sitting there searching my brain for something to say that isn't going to make me sound even more stupid than I already feel. 

“Erm, so, you really enjoyed it?” Harry asks, looking up at me from under his eye lashes, almost like he's worried I was just being polite before. 

“Yes, really. It was great Harry. You have so much charisma and charm up there, you had everyone eating out of your hands. I don't think anyone could have not enjoyed that show” 

“I'm so glad I didn't completely fall on my arse in front of you. I'd have been so embarrassed”

“Hmm more embarrassed than having an asthma attack and having the artist stop singing as you are carried out?” I counter him. 

“Haha! Well maybe I should have fallen then, to make us even?”

“Maybe you should have. Clearly you now owe me again.” I wink at him, when did I get so brazen? I've clearly been spending too much time with Mel I think. 

“Hmm,” Harry ponders. Seeming to take a minute to gather his thoughts then continuing, 

“Well, I have a show in Manchester tomorrow, then Glasgow the day after. But then I have a couple of days off before Sweden. How about I take you out for the day? To erm, make it up to you?” 

“Harry I was kidding!” I almost shout. “You have already done more than enough. I wasn't trying to guilt you in to taking me out.” I feel the colour rising in my cheeks again, I didn't mean to imply that! Did I? 

“Katie, I know, chill. Its just, erm, I'd like to take you out again, and it was a good excuse to ask. “

“...Really? Why?” I stammer, not comprehending at all. 

“Ha!” he barks “You really don't know do you?” He stares deep in to my eyes as if he's hoping to find an unspoken answer to his question there. 

I shrug. “you barely know me, “I whisper quietly looking back down at my feet. Suddenly I feel Harry's finger tip pressing my chin up. 

“I told you, don't hide your eyes from me.” He scolds gently. His voice is deeper than I realised it could get, and he's so close to me that I can feel his warm breath on my face. 

“Ok.” 

“Ok what?” 

“Ok you can take me out again. If you still want to after you get back from.. where did you say you were off to again?” 

He chuckles and starts telling me about the next few stops on his tour. He works damn hard I realise, and he's proud of that fact. He has a show in Glasgow on Thursday he repeats, but he'll fly back down the next day and stay at his place in London before he flies out again on Sunday to go to Stockholm. Different worlds I think to myself. But I try and let that thought go and enjoy my time with him. It won't hurt me to have a little adventure, will it? 

Soon enough Mel reappears and its time to get her home, from the looks of her she's had several more glasses of wine whilst on her 'tour' with Ben. 

“I should get her home.” I say to Harry. 

“Do you mind if my driver takes you this time? I've got to be up early to go to Manchester, I want to see my mum and sister before the show or I'd take you myself.. “

“We really can get the train Harry..” I protest. 

At the same time as Mel sways and nearly sends a lamp flying off the nearby table. Harry, with lighting fast reflexes reaches out and grabs it before it can fall. And laughs. 

“Ben can you see if Toby can take the girls home please? He looks at me, don't worry. This is a favour for Mel not you, she'll owe me one this time” he winks. 

As Ben helps Mel in to the back of the same Mercedes we arrived in, I stand awkwardly next to Harry. Unsure what to do with my arms all of the sudden.. have they always been this long? I ponder, crossing them tightly over my chest. 

“Katie? Can I take your number? So I can call to arrange Friday?” 

“Oh, erm, sure.” 

How did I think he was going to contact me. He hands me an iPhone in a bright pink case. “Cute!” I say raising my eyebrows at its garishness. And type my number in to his phone. It takes me three tries to actually get it right. He takes the phone back from me and hits the call button. The phone in my pocket buzzes, I take it out and save Harry's number. Harry Style's just called my phone.. This can't be my life. Harry leans forward and kisses my cheek gently. Resting his hand on my shoulder for just a moment. He's so warm.. 

“Please let me know you're back home safe.” He requests. I nod as he opens the door to the car and I clamber in, trying again to not flash too much flesh. “Oh and Katie?” 

“Yes?” 

“Stunning dress.” He winks and shuts the door in my gob smacked face. I can see him striding back in to the Apollo as we drive away. Back to reality.


	4. Chapter 4

Has it really only been 2 days? How can that be? After we get home on Monday night, I text Harry as I promised I would to let him know I had gotten back safely, even though I was sure that Toby, his driver, could just as easily have let him know. To my surprise, he responds straight away. 

“As requested, I am informing you that your driver got us home safely. I guess he gets to keep his job another day x”

“Phew. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find good drivers in London. Thanks for letting me know. I am headed to bed, didn't trust myself not to fall asleep before you text so waited up, but I really do have to be up early. Sleep sweet. H x”

If I'm honest, I didn't expect to hear another word from him until he got back to London on Friday. But the very next day I wake up late and groggy, hearing Mel belting out some rock song from the shower and pick up my phone to check the time, and there on my screen, is another message from Harry. 

“I hope you slept well and are feeling lovely and refreshed this morning! I'm just jumping in the car to head to mums, text me later? H x”

Hmm should I respond now? Or wait a little longer? I check the time on the text, 7:43am. He wasn't kidding about the early start! damn. It's nearly 11:30 and I haven't so much as brushed my teeth. Stretching and yawning loudly I clamber out of bed and head to the kitchen. Pancakes.. I need pancakes.. I think to myself. Pancakes fix everything. As I wander around aimlessly searching through the cupboards for ingredients, I heard Mel calling. 

“Katie? Please tell me you're making breakfast, I'm starving!!” 

“Pancakes ok?” I yell back up the stairs to her. 

“Amazing. I'll be down in five”

I set to work mixing the batter and heating the pan, absent-mindedly humming to myself when;

“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes  
hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect  
and all the boys they were saying they were in to it  
such a pretty face, on a pretty neck.. “

“Katie's driving me craaaaazy!” Mel practically screams in to my ear. Making me jump and lose my grip on the bowl I am holding, sending pancake batter flying all over the kitchen units. The music is blaring out of the small stereo on top of the freezer. It seems the wine last night hasn't caused a any after effects. 

“Bitch!” I complain, half joking. “You know you're cleaning that up right?” I laugh and throw a towel at her face. 

In return Mel tosses me my phone. 

“If your not going to respond to the poor boy, can you at least silence your phone so I don't have to hear it beeping every five minutes? THAT is driving ME crazy!” She sings the last few words in true Harry style.. excuse the pun, flicking her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she wipes the gooey mess from the counter. 

“Huh?” I say confused taking the phone and seeing I have two new messages. 

“Either you are sleeping in VERY late or you're purposefully making me sweat before you answer my text. If it's the first, that's a habit we need to break, if its the second.. well you need to break that habit too. I'm not patient man. H x”

“I've just got to mums. As lovely as she is, I'm starting to wonder if I should have spent the morning with you instead. H x”

What the hell? We've known each other two days! What difference does it make if I have my breakfast and start my day before responding to his text? And he wonders if he should have spent the morning with me?? alarm bells start going off in my head. What is this? What does he want from me? How am I meant to respond? I place my phone back down on the counter and return to the pancakes. 

“Well, aren't you gonna text him back?” Mel pries, eyeing me suspiciously

“Pancakes first. Strange superstar stalkers later.” I respond icily. 

“You can't even try and tell me you don't like him. This is me you're talking to! I know you do, what's the matter? “

“Nothing..” I huff. Flipping the pancake with a little more force than is strictly necessary. 

“It's just, I don't want to be another notch on his bedpost. What could he possibly want with me anyway? Have you seen the women he's been with? Models? Popstars? TV Presenters.. to go from them to me is just .. insane. If he's decided to slum it for a while he can find someone else.”

“Woah! What did he do? Did he try and force himself on you or something?” Mel looks alarmed at my sudden hostility. 

 

“Of course not! He hasn't 'done' anything. I say making inverted comma gestures with my hands to emphasise my point. Not the way you're thinking any ways. I just don't see what he could possibly see in me. And I am not up for getting my heart broken. Not again.”

“Aww babe, one of these days your gonna wake up and see yourself the way the rest of us do. How could he not want you?” 

I shrug and place the pancakes on to two plates, retrieving the sugar and lemon juice from the counter I take my plate to the table and begin eating. I hear my phone buzz AGAIN and my appetite evaporates. 

“If you'd rather not talk to me... please just tell me and I'll leave you alone. Promise. H x”

I stare down at the message for a full 30 seconds before I pick it up and start to respond. 

“Been up less than half an hour, haven't even showered yet. Sorry. Glad you got to your mums x”

I've barely had chance to put my phone back down before it pings again 

“Not a morning person eh? Does this mean you do still wanna talk to me? H x”

“Yes I still want to talk to you. Normally I am a morning person but I am not used to being harassed before I've even had breakfast.. other than by Mel that is. Go spend time with your family. I'll be in touch later when I'm feeing more human x”

“Harassed? And there was me thinking I was being a gentleman ensuring the lady was well rested and happy. Maybe in future I shouldn't text until I know you've been fed? What are you having for breakfast? H x”

“Wow you don't give up do you? I am having pancakes. Or at least I'm trying to, but this incessant texting is making it hard to eat and they are going cold :( x”

“Well we can't have that. Maybe one day you'll let me make you breakfast. Eat up! H x”

He wants to make me breakfast? Is that a proposition? Or is he just being friendly? Urgh! 

“I'm going to shower.” I snap at Mel before heading upstairs, leaving most of my, now cold, pancakes untouched. 

Since then there has barely been more than an hour between texts from Harry unless he is sleeping or performing. His constant questions are a little overwhelming, but he genuinely seems to take an interest in my responses, wanting to know what books I've read, what I like to eat, what I'm doing with my day. Mel has tried to convince me to at least be friendly to him, even if I decide I don't want anything more than that, it doesn't hurt to make a new friend right? So I have been attempting to keep my sarcastic streak to a minimum, on the second day, I realised I wasn't having to try any more. I was enjoying our conversations. 

He's text me each night to tell me to 'sleep sweet' which seems to be a catch phrase of his, and every morning wishing me a good day. It's..nice, I'd forgotten this feeling. Where everything is new and exciting and you don't know what to expect next. Where your heart races a little faster 

 

every time your phone beeps. Where you're genuinely interested in the tiny details of some ones day, like whether they had toast or cereal for breakfast. It's nice. But. I have to be careful. Michael was nice too, at first. And look how well that turned out. And Harry is.. well he's Harry. He comes with an awful lot of baggage that I am not sure I am ready to deal with.


	5. Chapter 5

“What time should I pick you up tomorrow? H x”

“Actually, Mel and I were going to go in to town and do a bit of shopping, it's her sister's birthday this weekend and she needs to get her a nice gift. So can I meet you some where in London? X”

“I could get Toby to collect you. If you can give me a time and place. Where are you going shopping? H x”

“Camden. Sending the driver to ferry me around again huh? X”

“As much as I'd love to come and collect you myself, venturing in to London on a Friday afternoon to meet a pretty girl would give the paps a lot more photos to sell than I'd like. Trust me, Toby's less likely be noticed. H x”

How is it that I keep forgetting who he is? Didn't Mel just show me a video of him getting mobbed in Paris last month, minutes after arriving. Of course he can't come and meet me in a pub in Camden. It's just, he can be so normal when we're talking like this, he's just Harry. Not megastar Harry former member of One Direction with a hit movie, album and single all having been released in the last 6 months. I sigh to myself. How on earth is this ever going to work? 

“Ahh right yes, sounds like Toby is the way to go then. I'm not a fan of crowds. Can he come to the Worlds End pub at about 2? will you be home by then? X”

“I'm flying in about midday so that's fine. I'll have him meet you there. Nice choice of pub by the way ;) H x”

“Dare I ask what you have planned for us after? X”

“Its a surprise. About to go on. I'll be in touch later. Be good. H x”

Hmm why am I not shocked that he won't tell me where we're going? I've been asking him all week if he has any ideas on what he'd like to do, and every time he has distracted me by changing the topic. As it's November in England and he can't really go out in public.. I guess we'll be staying in, but staying in where, and with whom? 

“If you keeping thinking so hard you're going to end up with premature wrinkles in that pretty face of yours. “Mel scolds me. “Let me guess... 'H' is confusing you again? You've gotta loosen up babe! Where's he taking you tomorrow?” 

“I have no idea, he won't tell me. Toby's picking me up at 2 at the pub, but from there.. who knows. I guess I just have to trust him? “

“Haha! You say that like he's some sort of serial killer. He's a multimillionaire global superstar babes, I don't think you have to worry that he's going to kidnap you and steal your virtue.” 

“Ha! my virtue? Just how much of a prude do you think I am? Just cos it's been a while..” 

“Katie, its been so long that I'm starting to wonder if you took a vow of chastity and forgot to tell me. “

“Charming” I growl at her. “Just because I don't sleep with every man I meet... “

Something hits me in the side of the head. A cushion from the sofa. One of the pretty ones with the Eiffel Tower on them that I bought in Paris last year. “Hey!” I exclaim and throw it back. 

“Well you may not know where you are going, but more importantly, what are you going to wear?” 

We spend the rest of the evening in my room, with Mel ripping outfit after outfit out of my rather poorly stocked wardrobe and dressing me up like a doll. Occasionally scowling at me or proclaiming that this outfit is too frumpy, its too cold for this one, this one is too slutty. Eventually we settle on a pair of Black skinny jeans an a low cut cream jumper with my beloved boots. 

“Remind me to keep an eye out for clothes for you tomorrow.” She says sarcastically. 

“I'm going to freeze in this.” I say, trying in vain to hike up the neckline of the jumper and failing miserably. 

“Well then lets hope Lover boy is willing to keep you warm.” Mel smirks and I submit knowing its no use arguing with her.

“Now to bed! Can't have you being tired tomorrow can we.” With that Mel gives me a hug and leaves me in peace. 

I pull the jumper over my head and make my way in to the bathroom to brush my teeth and ready myself for bed. 

Beep-beep

“Show was great tonight, I wish you'd been here. Can't wait to see you tomorrow. Sleep sweet. H x”


	6. Chapter 6

Dammit why am I so nervous? It's 1:45pm on Friday 3rd November and my day started simply enough, got up, showered, had breakfast. Got dressed and Mel and I headed to Camden. We got Mel's sisters birthday present easily enough and spent the remainder of the morning wandering around the markets. Somehow Mel convinced me to buy two dresses, neither of which I think I have any need for, it didn't take much convincing though. Shopping is a good distraction from nerves I find. We headed to the Worlds end pub an hour or so ago 1 and grabbed a quick bite to eat, then Mel went to meet some friends. Since then, I've been sat, not so patiently, waiting for Toby to arrive. Getting more and more nervous by the minute. Logically, I know there's no reason to be, I've spent most of the last 48 hours chatting to Harry, laughing and joking, getting to know the man behind the headlines. But the idea of being back in his presence is terrifying. Especially when I have no idea what on earth he has planned for us. At 2:01pm, my phone rings. 

“Miss Francis? Toby here, I am just pulling up outside.” 

I jump up so fast I manage to knock over my thankfully empty glass, which crashes to the wooden table with a thud. Hastily I grab it and stand it back up and grab my bag as the barman shoots me a dirty look. It's now or never I tell myself and head outside. Toby is stood by the passenger side door to the shiny black Merc, he opens the door for me as I approach. 

“Miss Francis.” He says with a curt nod. I climb in to the back of the car, thankful that this time I am in jeans. And try and make myself comfortable. 

“Am I allowed to ask where we're headed?” I ask Toby, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Mr Styles has asked that I take you to his house. It's only a couple of miles, we'll be there in ten minutes.” 

Eight minutes later we pull up outside a large black gate surrounded by red brick. Toby presses a button on a remote and the gates start to swing open noiselessly. I glance around expecting to see Harry waiting for us, but he's no where to be seen. All I can see is a tall white building, its not like any house I've ever seen, it looks as though several large squares have been placed haphazardly on top of one another. Toby parks the car, switches off the engine and comes to open my door. As I step out I can see the large black gates swinging shut behind us. As they click closed I see Harry appear out of the corner of my eye. 

“Hey.” I mumble, automatically looking at my feet out of shyness, unsure how I am meant to great him. 

“Hey yourself.” He says easily and pulls me in to a light hug. “Wanna come inside? Its freezing.” He asks and at my nod, he takes my hand and leads me up to the the front door. The house is decorated beautifully, a mixture of modern and classical features, paintings and sculptures are scattered artfully around the long wide hallway. Harry leads me in to his living room. A large L shaped black leather sofa dominates most of it. 

“Drink?” He asks me. Before I've had chance to answer he hands me a cold can of coke and a glass. 

“Thank you”. 

God why am I so shy around him? He's just a person.

“How was your flight?” I query, knowing he only arrived back from Scotland this morning. 

“Fine thanks, nice and quick. How was your shopping trip? I see you bought something..” He gestures towards the bags in my hand. 

“Fine thanks.” I echo, mimicking him with a grin. “Yeah Mel convinced me to buy a couple of dresses that I'll probably never wear.” I laugh nervously

“You going to model them for me?” He asks, with a slight laugh in his voice, he knows the affect he's having on me. Shit. 

“Hmm lets see, you've had some of the worlds prettiest model's in your life, probably wandering around this very house.. so I think that would be a resounding no! “

“Been doing some research on me eh?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. “Beauty doesn't matter when its only skin deep”. He states matter of factly. 

“So! What are you going to do with me now that you have me here? “

Did I really just say that? I was trying to change the subject OFF of his sexual conquests.. not offer to be one! 

He laughs loudly, sensing my embarrassment at what I've just said. 

“Erm, I thought maybe we could go for a walk around the heath,” he says, gesturing behind him, I assume that means there is a park nearby. It's meant to rain!” He says excitedly. 

“And that's what's tempting you to want to go for a walk in November? Rain?” 

“Nothin' lasts forever  
And we both know hearts can change  
And it's hard to hold a candle  
In the cold November rain “

He sings softly Apt. 

“You'll see why.” He shrugs. He looks me up and down, making me even more self conscious than usual. “You won't be warm enough in that though.” glancing at my thin, low cut jumper, I feel heat rising in my cheeks.

“Let me get you something.” 

And he wanders out of the room. I take the opportunity to have a look around without him seeing me gawking. I've never been in a house like this, its immaculate, everything is spotless and looks brand new. I wonder how much time he actually spends here, as he strolls back in to the room carrying a grey Kendrick Lemar hoody. 

“Here” he says, passing it to me. “Can't have you getting sick now can we?” 

I pull the jumper over my head then replace my coat. As Harry pulls on a beanie hat and large waterproof jacket. He grabs an umbrella. 

“Ready?” 

“Yes.” I answer him. Unsure if I really am.


	7. Chapter 7

Our walk around the heath is lovely, and after a few minutes I realise why Harry is so happy that its raining. Everyone around us is hiding under an umbrella, walking with their heads down. Not noticing that one of the worlds most eligible bachelors is walking amongst them on this cold, wet Friday afternoon. We chat as we walk, he asks me about my family and I tell him that I have an older sister who is married with 5 kids and a younger brother. That they all moved away a couple of years before, so I don't see them as much as I'd like. 

“Why didn't you go with them?” He asks

“It wasn't my life. “ I state matter of factly. “I am a city girl, I love being so close to London and feeing the like the world is at my finger tips, where as they wanted the quiet country life. So I stayed behind. I hate not seeing them so much, but we're all happier living where we are. So we make do.” 

“You're really strong, you know that? Not many people would have the strength to stay behind, to not follow the people they love in their dreams. Do you have any, erm, dreams for yourself? Do you plan to stay in bar work long term?” 

I laugh loudly at this. His head snaps up to look at me, clearly wondering what is so funny.

“No! of course not. Bar work is no ones dream. It's something I just fell in to a couple of years ago. I needed a job quickly, and it was available and didn't require a multitude of university degrees. It's just a temporary thing.” I shrug. 

“So what do you want to do? Long term?” 

“Honestly? I have no idea. I used to know, but, well, things change, and you can't always follow the same dreams. For now I am just getting on my feet.” 

He looks at me quizzically. “You used to know? ok.. what did you used to dream about then?” 

I find myself looking back down at my now rather soggy feet, “I used to dream about having a life like yours. I say quietly. I wanted to be on stage, although my preferred stage would have been in the West End. “

“Really? So you sing? Why can't you pursue that any more? I'm sure you could do it if...” 

I cut him off. “Unfortunately its not that simple.” 

I take a deep breath, does he really want to hear about my sad little life?

“Why not? “He asks and places a hand on my back and pushes me gently, steering me to a bench snug under a huge oak tree which has kept it mostly dry. As we sit down I decide on the short version of events. 

“About 2 years ago, I had a massive asthma attack. My heart stopped a couple of times, and I ended up in a coma in the ICU for ten days. At some point in that time, I sort of half woke up, my sister was standing next to my bed and I wanted to speak to her, to ask her what was going on you know? so I pulled the mask from my face. But.. I didn't realise I was intubated. I just thought it was a regular oxygen mask. Wouldn't have been the first time I'd woken up in a hospital on a nebuliser. But as I pulled off the mask, I wrenched the tubes up out of my nose, and ripped the back of my throat to shreds, there's so much scar tissue there now, that, well, I can't sing any more.”

I stop talking and risk a glance up at him. Realising that I've said this all in one long tirade, flinging the information at him so quickly it must have been hard to take in. 

He is staring at me in a strange way, not with pity so much as.. is that anger? Before I can react, he pulls me in to his side, wrapping both his arms tightly around me and burying his head in my hair.

“I'm sorry Katie.” There is a harsh edge to his voice as he speaks. We sit there for a few moments in silence. Wrapped around each other before he breaks the silence.“So you can't sing at all any more?” He enquires quietly, untangling himself from our embrace. I notice that he leaves one arm slung loosely around my shoulders. It's nice. Comforting. 

“A little, but not well enough, and its painful.” 

“I'd love to hear you sing”. 

I slowly raise my eyes and take a peak at his perfect face. In profile his jaw line is striking. Even with the beanie pulled far down over his ears. He's staring out over the heath, London spread out beneath our feet. It's so peaceful here. I can understand why he likes it so much. It's hard enough to find a secluded spot in the city at the best of times, let alone when your Harry Styles. 

“I'm hungry” He announces, pulling me once again from my daydreams with his deep soothing voice. “Ready to head home?” 

I nod and we stand, Harry carries the umbrella and shelters me for the walk back to his house. But by the time we get there, my legs and feet are soaked through. 

“Hmm, shower first?” He laughs lightly pulling off his beanie and shaking out his damp hair. Small spots of rain water land on my cheeks and I pull a face, pretending to be offended. I'm glad silly Harry is back, our talks this afternoon were a little too serious. 

“I'll find you something to put on.” He heads towards the stairs as I stand awkwardly in his hallway, wrapping my arms around my shivering body. His hoody has helped, but I still feel frozen to my very core. 

A few moments later Harry reappears with some sweat pants, t-shirt and a pair of socks. 

“These should just about fit you I think, if your still sure you don't want to wear one of your new dresses?” There is a glisten in his eye that tells me he is only half joking. 

“Thanks, these will do fine.” I say, taking the bundle of clothing from him. 

He leads me in to what I can only assume is a guest bedroom as there isn't anything personal in it, just a few furnishings and a bed. 

“The En-suite is through there, he nods towards a door on the other side of the room. There are towels and toiletries.. please help yourself to anything you'd like. I'm going to grab a shower too, so I'll meet you down stairs after?” 

“Sure.” 

I make my way in to the bathroom. As I close the door, I notice that he is still there, watching me intently. Once I am safely in the bathroom I risk a glance in the mirror. As I feared, my nose if bright red from the cold and my hair is a disaster. I eye the shower then see behind me there is a large luxurious looking bath tub.. fuck it. I think and turn on the taps. I rummage in the cupboards and find a few bath bombs which look suspiciously like they are going to turn the water the same colour as it is on his album cover. I fish my phone from my handbag and open my music folder, setting it to play the soundtrack to one of my favourite musicals, I slip off my wet clothes and slide in to the bath. 

A knock startles me out of my doze.

“Katie? You ok in there?” Harry's concerned voice comes through the door. 

“Fine!” I gasp. Sloshing water over the side of the bath as I jump up too quickly, forgetting where I am for a moment. 

“I erm.. decided to take a bath and I guess I fell asleep.. I'll be out in just a minute.”

I hear his low chuckle from the other side of the door as I stand up and reach for a towel. How long have I been asleep I wonder? I look out the small window and see that the sky is dark and the street lamps are shining. Too long I scold myself. I hurry to get dressed, pulling on Harry's clothes, the T-shirt he's given me to wear smells like him and I burrow down in to it. I pull on the sweats and socks and run a brush through my hair. Grabbing my wet clothes I pad out of the bathroom. Harry is sitting on the edge of the bed smiling at me. 

“Making yourself at home?” He teases. 

“Sorry, it's just, I was freezing and a bath seemed the best way to warm up, I didn't mean to fall asleep.” I apologise quickly. 

“Its fine honestly, although next time you need warming up.. you can just ask. I'd be happy to help.” He winks at me, jumps up and starts making his way out of the bedroom. 

I stand in shock for a moment. Did he mean...? Then start to follow him. Fine, I think. Two can play this game. 

As I reach the downstairs landing I hear Harry's voice from down the hall

“In here”

I follow the sound and find myself in a beautifully fitted kitchen all white tiles and wooden floors. Harry is chopping vegetables. 

“Dinner?” He asks. “I was going to make pasta.. if that's ok? I know you said you're fussy, but I remember you saying you like Italian right?” 

I nod, suddenly realising I am starving. After our long walk and my nap, the sandwich I had in the pub earlier feels like a lifetime ago. 

I perch on one of the breakfast bar stools and watch him work. He's clearly confident in the kitchen, just like he is every where else. He concentrates on chopping the vegetables whilst the water for the pasta starts to boil. He's humming lightly to himself, he does that a lot I realise, I wonder if he even realises that he does.

“Can I help?” I enquire. I'm getting fidgety sat on this stool. 

“Sure, you finish these off whilst I prepare the chicken.” 

He pushes the chopping board of vegetables towards me and hands me the knife. The lights in the kitchen glinting off the large array of rings that he always seems to wear. As he turns to the fridge to retrieve the chicken, I feel his arm brush up against mine. An electric shock shoots across my skin and I almost drop the knife. 

He barely seems to notice. I guess us touching doesn't have the same affect on him as it does me. As we cook Harry talks about his hobbies, he's a keen golfer, although doesn't get as many chances to play as he'd like. Apparently he used to play much more when he was in the band. We chat amiably whilst the food cooks and I am finally starting to feel more comfortable. Although I can't help wishing I had my own clothes rather than his on. 

Harry leads me out in to the dining room and starts setting the table,

“Are you sure I can't tempt you with a glass of wine?” He asks

“Are you trying to get me drunk Mr Styles?” I tease him

He blushes endearingly. Harry Styles nervous, hmm I realise I like that I have the ability to unsettle him. 

“No, I just. no. erm not at all. I'm sorry.” He stumbles to get his words out, looking horrified and as if I've just accused him of a much larger crime than offering a girl a glass of wine. 

I giggle, “I'm just teasing you. Go on, I'll have a glass, as its a special occasion.”

“It is?” He questions, some of the blush draining out of his cheeks. 

“Are you under the impression that being invited to a superstars home and them cooking dinner for me whilst I wear their clothes is something that happens to me often?” 

He laughs. “Well, I hope its not. I've only got so much going for me here, and if someone's used all my moves before me..”

I take the glass of wine from his outstretched hand and take a sip. 

“I think you have a lot more going for you than you realise.” I say quietly

“I do? Like what?” 

Shit, what am I supposed to say to that? Surely he can't need reassurance.. I am the one who should be asking him why on earth he wants to spend the evening with me. Not the other way around. But his eyes are probing mine intently, waiting for my answer.

“Katie?” He asks quietly looking down at me with wide hopeful eyes. 

“Of course you do... I begin. Your kind, and thoughtful, and you worry about others before yourself. You took the time to come and check on the silly girl at your concert who'd brought an empty inhaler with her and make sure that she was ok, then drove her home. You could be an arrogant idiot with all the success and fame that you have, especially so young.. But you aren't, you're proud of what you've achieved, as you should be, but your also modest and don't flaunt what you have. Your grateful for every minute of it. You aren't just a pretty face with a nice voice Harry. At least, not to me.”

The words tumble out of my mouth before I've even really realised I have said them. I quickly stare down at my feet, horrified at what I've said. Damn my motormouth running away with me. I couldn't have just said he's funny and shut the hell up like a normal person? I barely know this man. And I'm standing in his dining room telling him how wonderful I think he is. He must think I am crazy. 

I feel the tip of his long index finger press under my chin, trying to lift my face so that our eyes meet. I hear the metallic clack of his rings knocking together as he moves his other hand slowly, bringing it up to cup my cheek. Before I can prepare myself for what is about to happen. He leans towards me and presses his soft lips against mine. 

I gasp, in pleasure or surprise, I don't know. His hand releases my chin and wraps around my waist. Pulling me towards him. Every inch of me pressed up against his lean body. His tongue slips in to my mouth and I can taste the wine on it, cool and tangy. Slowly, timidly, I move one of my hands in to his still damp hair and slowly caress his scalp, I risk a gentle pull and a small almost inaudible sign escapes his lips. 

When he pulls away from me I wonder for a moment if I am going to faint, that would be just like me. First kiss in nearly 2 years, and I'll fall on my arse straight afterwards. But his hand on my waist steadies me. He is staring in to my eyes, searching for something. 

“Was that ok?” He asks, his eyes pleading with me to say it was. 

“Yes..” I breathe in to him.

“I've wanted to do that since the moment I saw you.” 

Does he have any idea how charming he is? He must do. I shouldn't take this too seriously, he's used to having his way with women. I'm nothing special, I just came along at the right time. 

“Our food is getting cold.” I murmur. Trying to change the topic and get back to the playful atmosphere we had earlier.

He chuckles lightly and gestures towards the table. 

“Then please ma'am, take a seat and tuck in!” He teases, speaking with am exaggerated Italian accent. He pulls back my chair for me. Always the gentlemen, I think to myself with a sly smile. 

The food is delicious, he really is an excellent cook. We both eat with gusto, making small talk as we do. 

“What would you like to do after dinner?” He asks, looking at me in such a way that I have to clamp my thighs together to try and stop them from shaking. 

“Erm, I don't mind, a movie?” I ask

“Sounds great. I'll clear up, why don't you go and pick one out? Cupboard to the erm, left of the TV in the living room.” 

“ok.” I say and make my way back in to the living room. I find the cupboard and wonder if all these DVD's can possibly be his, most of them still have the cellophane on. Freebies I'd imagine. I glance through the titles, and wonder what sort of film I should go for. Then I spot my absolute favourite and pull it out, taking off the cellophane in one easy pull. Harry comes back in and sees the case in my hands. 

“Dirty Dancing huh?” He says nodding towards the case. 

He takes it from me, removes the disk and pops it in to the DVD player as I curl up on the huge couch and try and get comfortable. Which would have been a lot easier if I could stop thinking about his gorgeous, plump lips for just one minute.. he really is an excellent kisser. I hope he's not expecting more from me tonight though.. Get a hold of yourself Katie, watch the movie. I scold myself. 

Harry settles down on the sofa next to me, as I pull my legs underneath myself and hug my knees. 

“Cold?” He asks, grabbing a soft fluffy cream blanket off the back of he sofa and shuffling closer towards me on the sofa so that our thighs are touching, before throwing it over both our legs. Thank you I smile at him. And we settle in to watch the movie.


	8. Chapter 8

Just as Baby starts stumbling her way to the club house clutching her watermelon, I suddenly realise I am too warm, far too warm. I am sitting on a sofa with a world famous pop singer and I'm about to watch a bunch of people grinding on each other like it's their job. I extricate myself from the blanket we share and jump up. 

“Mind if I get another glass?” I shake my empty wine glass in his general direction, is this why people drink? So that this experiences aren't so damn nerve racking? 

“Here, let me..” He says beginning to stand. 

“No no, I can manage, would you like another?” I nod towards his empty glass on the coffee table. 

“Thanks,” he passes me the glass and I practically run out of the room. Desperate to get away from the tension. Once in the kitchen I take a long steadying breath. How on earth am I going to cope with the sex scene? I wonder. Why didn't I just put on a nice safe Disney movie. I pour wine in to our glasses, only half filling mine, I really don't want to get drunk, I could just use a little help getting through the rest of the evening. I shake my arms trying to relieve some of the tension, grab the glasses and head back in to the living room. 

“So if you wanted to be in the West End, does that mean you can dance as well as sing?” 

He questions, taking the wine from my hand, the touch of his fingers as they brush against mine makes my skin tingle. 

“A little.” I respond shyly. “How about you? Being in a boyband, you have to be able to dance right?”

I really feel like I've revealed enough about my life for one day, and honestly its not very interesting. 

“Ha!” he barks loudly making me jump and nearly spill my wine. Grateful that I didn't fill my glass as much as his, I carefully put it on the table. 

“A common misconception. We weren't a 'traditional boyband' in that sense, no matching outfits, no dance routines. Just five normal lads, having the time of our lives.” 

There is a far off look in his eyes, like he is remembering something from his past wistfully. He looks almost sad. I wonder if he misses it. 

“So you dance a little?” He presses. “Can you do that?” He gestures towards the screen with his wine glass. 

I can feel the heat pumping in to my cheeks, god it really is too warm in here. So much for my pitiful attempt at turning the conversation back to him. 

“I guess.” I mumble and take a long swig of wine. 

“Could you teach me?” 

I reach towards his wine glass.

“Right, Mr Styles I am cutting you off. Clearly you have reached your alcohol limit for the evening if you think for one minute that I am going to teach you how to 'dirty dance' with me in your living room on our first..”

I stop myself abruptly. Did I just nearly say date? This isn't a date is it? I don't know what it is, just two new friends getting to know each other? Not a date surely.

“On our first.. Date?” He cocks an eyebrow at me.

I swallow audibly and pray inwardly that he chances the subject. Thankfully he takes pity on me. 

“I cooked for you.. so surely that means that you now owe me one again? And I want you to show me how to dance.” 

“Not like that.” I respond. Watching as Patrick Swayze instruct Baby on the screen. 

“I can dance, a little.” I admit. “But most of the dancing I do has an awful lot less grinding in it” 

He hops off the sofa like an excited puppy, all wide eyed and hopeful. He takes my glass from me and stretches out both his hands. 

“Teach me something less grindy then. Please?” 

Urgh I sigh inwardly. How on earth can I say no to him? His bright green eyes are sparkling with anticipation and he is flashing me his megawatt smile again, the dimples appearing in his cheeks. 

“Argh! Ok, ok!” I give in, taking his hands and allowing him to pull me from the sofa. He leads me around behind it so we'll have more room. 

“Can you dance at all?” I enquire 

In response he launches in to a scarily accurate representation of the dance from the Inbetweeners. As the routine comes to an end, he jumps in the air, and lands on one knee, placing his hands above his head and extending his index fingers. I can't help but laugh. 

“I call this one, the stag.” He says proudly. 

“Wow. So no then? You cannot dance at all.” 

Startled, he grabs his chest in mock horror as he stands up. Hands pressed against his heart as though I have physically wounded him. 

“Careful Katie, my ego can only take so much. You didn't like my stag?” 

I giggle, either the wine is finally having an effect or I am finally just starting to feel more comfortable around this incredibly silly but equally gorgeous man. The opening bars of Hungry eyes start playing from the TV. Perfect. 

“Ok, so parts of this I can teach you.” I say and step towards him. 

Put your left hand in mine please, and your right hand on my waist. He does as he's told, but as he places his right hand, he pulls me tightly towards him, so that there is barely a centimetre between us. 

“Like this?” He asks, eyebrows raised in humour. 

“Mr Styles, if you aren't going to behave then I cannot teach you.” I tease, stepping back from him and out of the hold. 

“I'll be good! I promise.” He tries to look apologetic and fails miserably, making me giggle again. 

“Ok so basic Mambo ok? In the Mambo we move on 1,2,3 & 5,6,7. Holding still on 4.”

“1,2,3. 5,6,7.” He echo's. Looking serious all of the sudden. 

“On 1, you're going to step forward on your left leg. Then on 2, you move your weight back to your right leg. On 3, you step back with your left leg. You hold the 4, take a step backwards with your right leg on 5, replace your weight to your left leg on 6, then on 7 you step back to the centre with your right foot. Make sense?” 

“I think so..” he says nodding seriously as he looks at his feet. “1,2,3. 5,6,7” he repeats in a whisper to himself over and over again like a mantra. 

I place my hand back in his, noticing as I do so how much larger his hands are compared to mine and take a breath. 

“1,2,3. 5,6,7” I start to count evenly. 

I take a step back on my right foot as Harry steps forward on his left. My hips sway gently as I replace my weight and step back to the middle. I go to step forward on my left foot and .. 

“Ow!!” I cry. Jumping away from him. Harry has stepped forward with his right foot instead of back and bought his heel straight down on to my toes, which are currently only covered by his thin, too big for my small feet socks. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry! I was meant to step back wasn't I? Sorry! Are you ok?”

I perch on the edge of the sofa and start rubbing my sore toes, trying to stop them from stinging. 

“Ouch.” I murmur. 

“Maybe I should have gotten you to take your boots off first.” I glance at his black Chelsea boots with mock hatred.

He makes his way towards me quickly, looking apologetic and gingerly takes my hand off my sore foot and replaces it with his own. Massaging my toes lightly. 

“I'm really sorry, I guess you were right, I cannot dance at all.” He looks genuinely upset at his mistake, I suddenly feel so bad for him. 

“Hey, its ok, nothings broken and I've had worse! It just shocked me is all. I'm fine really. Although maybe we should leave the dance lesson there for tonight?” 

He raises his eyes to stare in to mine trying to work out if I really am ok or if I'm just being polite. So I smile happily at him. Slowly I start to stand up, he lets go of my foot and I make my way back to the sofa and curl myself in to a ball. 

“No no no, give me that foot.” He says, eyeing my legs. 

“It doesn't even hurt any more Harry, honestly.” 

“That wasn't a request,” he says, grabbing my ankle and swinging both my legs around to lay across his lap. 

Suddenly I am nervous again. My legs across his thighs, his long slim fingers needing the pads   
of my toes. He's good at this.. I wonder how many other women have been in my position. I turn my face back to the TV determined to clear my mind of such sour thoughts. So what if he's done this to other women, I think. You've been with other men. You can't expect a man who looks that good to not have a past. I try to take a deep breath but a wheeze from my chest interrupts me, I take a couple of puffs of my inhaler and try to relax, turning my attention back to the movie and Harry's massaging. 

We watch the rest of the film in comfortable silence. Harry continues to rub my feet, moving from my bruised one to the other and repeating the same massaging motions. It feels heavenly. Other than dancing, is there anything this boy can't do?

As the end credits role I glance at the clock. Shit it's getting late. 

“I wonder if my clothes are dry yet, I should get going, its getting late.” I say, trying to free my legs from his lap and stand up. 

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” He questions, relaxing his grip on my foot slightly but not enough that I can move away. 

“No, not really, but its 1am.” How did it get so late? I wonder to myself. I should really head off. 

“You could stay here?” He asks in a low voice. 

My eyebrows shoot up in horror, wow, does he think its going to be that easy to get me to stay the night with him? 

“Not like that, I meant in the guest room. I don't have to fly out again until Sunday morning, and I thought as you aren't busy, maybe we could, erm, spend the day together tomorrow?” 

I relax slightly, but force-ably remove my feet from his lap. I need a little distance. 

“But I don't have my toothbrush, or a change of clothes..” I start to protest. 

“I have a spare you can borrow, and I can put your clothes in the wash so they're clean for you tomorrow. C'mon, do you really want to go all the way home now? It's a good hours drive from here, maybe longer. Just stay. I'll be a gentleman, I promise.” 

I look deeply in to his green eyes, noticing that in this light they look almost blue. Does he really want me to stay? Maybe Toby's not around to drive me, the trains will have stopped running by now and I don't suppose Harry wants to drive me around at this time of night, and he's been drinking.. I make a mental note to drive my own car if he invites me over again. Maybe I should just stay and just take the train home in the morning, I doubt he wants to spend all his time off entertaining me, but I'll definitely sleep in the spare room.

“Ok, I guess I can stay, but, I would prefer to sleep in the guest room.” I say forcibly, making sure I leave no room for argument.

“Of course.”

He stands and picks up the wine glasses. I follow him in to the kitchen and watch him put them in the dishwasher. He turns and grabs my clothes off a radiator that I'd placed them on earlier, and throws the jeans in the washing machine. I find that I am transfixed by him, he's actually doing my laundry. Harry Styles is doing my laundry. I stifle a giggle. Not the time Katie. As he bends to retrieve a bottle that I assume is fabric softer from a low cupboard, I catch myself gawking at his rather wonderfully shaped behind, he's wearing lose sweats and he still looks like a Greek god. Harry stands abruptly and catches me staring. 

“See something you like?” He asks, moving slowly towards me. 

“Sorry! Was in a world of my own, I really am tired. I should head to bed.” 

I try and sound like he just didn't catch me drooling over his arse, and give a big yawn to emphasise my tiredness. I wonder if he'll kiss me again before I go to bed.. I'm not sure if he buys it, but he takes my hand and lightly pulls me out of the kitchen towards the stairs. As we reach the doorway of the guest bedroom, I find myself wondering where he sleeps, its a big house, is his bedroom nearby? 

“Out of curiosity, where's your room? Will I be able to hear you snore?” I tease him lightly. 

“I'm on the next floor, but I don't snore darling, so you don't need to worry about that.” 

I go to open the door to the guest room and realise he is still holding my hand. As I turn back around, he has moved closer towards me, our breaths mingling together in the small space between us.

“Well that's good then. Great. Well. Erm. Goodnight!” I splutter out nervously. It's been a long time since a man has led me to a bedroom. 

“Not so fast..” He murmurs quietly and reaches his free hand to tuck a stray strand of my long brown hair behind my ear. I can feel my pulse racing as his fingers brush along my jaw. He lightly pinches the tip of my chin between his index finger and thumb and pulls my face gently towards his. In this small space he has to bend awkwardly to lower his lips to mine as I stretch up on to my toes, he's almost a foot taller than me.

Softly, so softly that at first I wonder if I have imagined it, he brushes his lips lightly across mine. Leaving them tingling and me desperately wanting more. He pulls back and his eyes shoot to mine for a split second, before he is on me again. His hands in my hair, his lips pressing firmly against mine, his tongue flicking out, looking for an opening. I sigh and part my  
lips slightly, allowing the cool air from his mouth to flow in to mine. Tantalising slowly, his tongue enters my mouth, dancing with mine in a slow, sexy rhythm. His hand slides down my back and pulls me closer to him pressing my chest in to his.. I realise I am panting with desire. My legs are weak and my palms slick with sweat. 

All too soon he is pulling away from me. 

“Wow.” I breathe. 

“Yeah..” He mumbles softly. 

“Goodnight Harry.” 

“Goodnight Katie.” 

With that he turns and walks to the end of the hallway and out of sight. I assume up another flight of stairs to his bedroom. I turn and enter the guest room and flop on to the bed. God that was an amazing kiss! I fish my phone out of my handbag to text Mel and let her know I won't be home tonight. It'll be the first night I've not slept in my own bed since we moved in to the flat, as I unlock my phone I notice the message icon on my screen. 

“I could have stayed kissing you all night. Looking forward to tomorrow. Sleep sweet. H x”


	9. Chapter 9

I awaken groggily the next morning, hearing the sounds of low music emanating from somewhere else in the house. What time is it I wonder, and stretch across the bed to locate my phone. 9:42am. Despite the fact that we are in the same house, I notice that I still have a morning text from Harry. 

“Good morning darling. Sleep well? I've left your clothes outside the door, clean and dry for you. I'm heading for a workout, come find me when you wake up and I'll cook you breakfast. H x”

Breakfast.. I could eat a horse. As if to agree, my stomach promptly gurgles loudly. I tiptoe to the door and retrieve my clothes, then head to the en-suite to shower and make myself feel semi human before I go in search of Harry. The water is warm and soothing and I find that I am more comfortable here than I would have thought possible this time yesterday. It probably helped that the bed I spent the night in was amazingly comfortable, I might have to upgrade my mattress to match it, resulting in the best nights sleep I can remember having in a long time. 

I make my way downstairs, trying to use the music as a guide to find Harry and his gym, Straining my ears I can just about make out the sounds well enough to register that he's working out to generic dance music, not something I'd have expected from him. Eventually I find the gym and quietly push the door open. It's huge, there are various machines scattered around the room, most of which I don't recognise, plus a large pile of weights in one corner. At the opposite end of the room I spot Harry, he is engrossed in his work out, punching rhythmically at a red punch bag hanging from the ceiling, his hands wrapped in tape. 

His back is to me and he hasn't noticed me come in over the sounds of the music, so I take   
a moment to take in his lean body. He's wearing black shorts and a white vest with running shoes, I can see the edge of a blue headband keeping his hair out of his face as he punches, left right left, right left right. I notice that his tattoos are much more numerous than I'd realised, seeming to cover most of his left arm from his wrist to his shoulder. Hmm I do like a man with tattoos, having several myself. Not what I would have expected from an ex-boyband member. 

Harry takes a break from his punching and starts to turn in my direction, noticing me for the first time. 

“Good morning”! He says, and flashes me my favourite megawatt smile. 

There is sweat dripping from his forehead and he's slightly flushed. He looks good enough to eat. He strides over to me and kisses my cheek lightly. 

“Good morning. Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you. This is quite the impressive set up” I add, motioning to our surroundings. 

“Thanks! And don't be sorry! I'm glad you're here, erm, I'm about done and I'm starving. Let me just grab a quick shower, then I'll make us some food. What do you fancy for breakfast?” 

“Hmm, pancakes?”

“Sick. I'll meet you in the kitchen in 5. Help yourself to anything you want in the mean time.” 

“Does that include you?” I say brazenly, surprising myself by being so forward. But a part of me was hoping for more than a kiss on the cheek this morning after last night.

Harry chuckles then steps closer towards me until he is just out of reach. 

“See something you want Miss Francis?” He asks, looking in to my eyes. 

I blush, unable to answer him. Apparently that one sentence was the extent of my confidence today. I make myself look back at him but I can't manage to respond. 

Quick as a flash, he whips one arm out around my waist and pulls me close in to his hot, sweaty body. Every inch of me is pressed up against him.

“Better?” He queries. Bringing his other arm to rest on my hip and slowly circling his thumb on a tiny patch of skin between my jeans and jumper. 

“Much.” I say softly. I can't think straight. He is everywhere, all at once. I feel consumed by him and my mind has gone completely blank. I'm not sure I could recall my own mothers name right now if someone were to ask me for it. 

Harry lets out a loud bark of a laugh, before pecking me on the lips and letting me go. 

“Unless you want to join me in the shower.. which I highly doubt despite how much I'd like you to.. I suggest you go and wait in the kitchen.” He winks

I feel my jaw go slack as my mouth pops open in to a little 'O' shape. Did he really just say he   
wants me to join him in the shower?!? I try and consider the prospect for a moment and feel the heat rising in my cheeks. Too soon I decide. Way too soon. 

Still chuckling at my bemused expression, Harry grabs a towel off a nearby bench along with a remote, which he clicks a few times, silencing the pounding of the dance music. I finally manage to regain my senses enough to speak. 

“Enjoy your shower.” I mumble and make my way out of the gym to the kitchen determined to regain some of my composure. I open the fridge and find a selection of juices, I pick one at random and pour a large glass then take a seat on the same bar stool I had perched on last night. I pull my phone out to give Mel and update. 

“Just letting you know I'm still alive. H in shower, then says he'll make breakfast. No idea what the plans are for today yet xx”

“Dirty stop out! Did you really sleep in the spare room? Poor boy, I hope its a cold shower he's having ;) No worries babes, I'm heading to mums shortly, its the bday party today xx”

“Oh right, of course. Wish Emma a happy birthday from me please. YES I slept in the spare room. I've only known him five mins. I'm not ready for that yet. Although.. he is an excellent kisser.. xx”

“OMFG! Details!! When? Where? How many times? TELL ME EVERYTHING xx”

I can't help but laugh out loud to her message, I'm going to have to give her the gory details I guess. Thankfully at that moment Harry wanders in to the kitchen saving me. 

“Something funny?” He asks casually making his way around the kitchen island and starting to collect the ingredients for our pancakes. 

“Just Mel being nosey.” I reply. Quickly I type out a response to her

“Sorry, H is back. I'll be in touch later. Enjoy the party xx”

“Hmph. I want ALL the details later. Be good, love you xx”

I lock my phone and place it on the counter, turning back to Harry, who has changed in to a white t-shirt and black skinny jeans. 

“Banana's? “

“Erm, I guess she is a bit crazy yeah.. but I don't know if I'd call her banana's...” 

“Hahaha! In the pancakes! Banana pancakes?”

“OH!” I start to laugh again. “Sorry, yes, that would be nice thank you.”

Harry grabs a couple of banana's from a nearby fruit bowl, I notice its overflowing with many varieties of fresh fruit, clearly he likes his healthy food. 

“So what is it about theatre that you love so much?” He asks me casually

I take a moment to think about this before I answer, unsure how to describe the way it makes me feel, without sounding like a crazy person.

“Its.. Everything. I sigh. Its the feeling of being transported to another world for an evening, its the talent on the stage and the dedication it takes to perform 8 shows a week, the experience of hundreds of people being so engrossed in a love song, that you could hear a pin drop, or of everyone collectively holding their breath at a dramatic moment. I've loved it for as long as I can remember. It's just magical to me.” 

He looks at me for a long moment, then starts pouring batter in to a pan. 

“You make it sound like a dream.” He replies. “Do you go often?” 

“Not as often as I'd like, the tickets aren't exactly cheap. When I do get to go I'm generally stuck in the rafters squinting to try and see the little figures on stage.” I giggle nervously, realising that with his bank account, this is something Harry would never have to do. “Have you been to see any shows?” I ask

“A few, I recently went to see, err, Dear Evan Hansen on Broadway,” 

“Did you cry?” I ask

“Haha, a bit yeah. It was a very moving show. Have you seen it?” 

“Only a dodgy bootleg copy. New York is a bit far to go for a night out, and besides, the furthest away I've ever travelled is Paris. Pretty sure I'm not up to the flight it would take to get there.”

“You don't like to fly?” He asks

“Not at all. I'd never been on a plane until a few years ago, since then I've flown to Paris twice but that's it, and I hated the flight both times.” 

“You'd be great at my job then,” he winks. “So, what's your favourite musical?”

“Wicked. Hands down, No matter how many times I see it, I never get bored its just a brilliant show” 

“I'll have to see if I can catch it sometime.” 

Harry pours the pancakes on to our plates and we make our way to the small table to eat. We continue chatting, he asks me what I thought of Paris and tells me about some of the many countries he's visited. Our lives are so incredibly different, I think to myself. I may be a couple of years older than him, but he's experienced so much more of the world than I am ever likely to. Not for the first time, I wonder where this can possibly lead. We are just too different. Am I just asking to end up with my heart broken? As we finish breakfast I jump up to start clearing up, Harry moves to help me. 

“Let me get this, please, after all, you did the cooking. The least I can do is clear up.”

“Thanks,” he replies.” Actually I need to make a call, will you be ok for a few minutes?” 

“Sure, do what you need to do.” I shrug and start loading the dishwasher. 

When Harry returns 15 minutes or so later, I have cleared the kitchen and poured myself a fresh glass of juice. He has a huge smile plastered across his face. 

“You're looking extremely pleased with yourself “ I tease him. 

“And why wouldn't I be? It's a lovely day outside, had a nice breakfast,” he steps towards me and circles his arms around my waist, “and there is a beautiful woman standing in my kitchen..” He bends and kisses me softly. “Today is going to be a good day.” He winks, quoting a line from Evan Hansen, showing off. “What would you like to do?”

“Hmm, well how about you give me a proper tour of this place? I gesture around me. I nearly got lost trying to find your gym this morning.” 

“Miss Francis it would be my pleasure.” He extends his arm which I take gratefully and leads me out of the kitchen.


	10. Chapter 10

After the tour, we order in and eat lunch, then make ourselves comfortable in the living room, Harry has put a Kings of Leon album on quietly in the back ground and I am starting to relax. As he wanders out of the room to take a phone call, I take stock of my surroundings. I feel like I'm finally getting to know the real Harry and the more we talk, the less nervous I feel around him. He's easy to spend time with, constantly cracking jokes and putting me at ease. The stage persona that was all I really knew of him until yesterday, is nowhere to be seen as we go about our day. He's still endearing and charming, but there's no arrogance in him, he mentions his work when its appropriate, but got quite embarrassed when he was showing me around and we went in his music room, where I spotted the shelves full of awards on the far wall amongst the keyboards and guitars. Whilst he's proud of what he's achieved, he doesn't flaunt it or show it off. I notice that Harry has disappeared down the hall, and start humming along as Use Somebody starts playing softly on the stereo. I hear a door close in the distance and a few moments later Harry reappears carrying a large beige box with a pink ribbon. He walks over to the sofa and presents it to me. 

“For you.” He says and places the box on my lap. 

“Harry..” I stare down at the box. Which has 'Christian Louboutin' emblazoned on the top.   
“What did you do?” I ask incredulously. 

“Open it.” He prompts me. 

I slowly start to remove the ribbon and open the box, to find a pair of stunning black stilettos with a red sole tucked inside. I notice they are the perfect size and look up at him. 

“How did you know my shoe size?” 

“Just one of my many skills.” He says laughing. “I snuck a look at your boots earlier. Do you like them? “He asks nervously

“They're beautiful.” I respond dumbstruck. And they probably cost more than my rent I add to myself. “But you really shouldn't have.” 

“I thought you could wear them tonight. I have something planned for us, a surprise. I know you have the dresses you bought yesterday, I am hoping these will go with one of them. I figured black goes with everything.” He stumbles shyly. 

Without thinking, I place the box on the table beside me and launch myself at him. Throwing my arms around his neck and pushing him back down in to the sofa in the process. 

“Thank you.” I say excitedly in to his ear.”I love them.” 

He laughs happily and returns my enthusiastic embrace. As I de-tangle myself from him and sit back up I begin to realise what else he has just told me. 

“A surprise? For which I need to get dressed up?” I enquire. 

“Yes, but don't ask me what it is! I don't want to ruin it by telling. We have a couple of hours before we'll need to leave. So you've got plenty of time to get ready.” 

“I love surprises.” I say shyly. Hoping inwardly that he hasn't gone to too much trouble. 

“I'm afraid have a few more phone calls I have to make, I'm sorry, but duty calls and all that. Do you think you'll be ok on your own for a little while?” 

“Hmm” I hum, looking up at him from under my eyelashes, “are you sure you can't make them wait a little bit longer?” I ask. Slowly I place my hand on his arm and run my finger tips across his tattoos, tracing the outline of a large rose by his elbow. 

He watches my hand for a few moments, then suddenly, without warning, he turns and flips me on to my back on the sofa, hovering over me his knees between my thighs, using his arms to support himself, his muscles bulging against the thin fabric of his T-shirt.

“Did you have something else in mind?” He asks

Gazing down in to my eyes, he rubs the tip of his nose across mine gently. Eskimo kisses I think to myself. I stare back in to his eyes and search my brain for the right words but nothing comes to me. Just kiss me Harry, I scream inwardly. As if he can read my mind, Harry moves his lips towards mine, keeping eye contact with me until the very last moment before our lips touch. As soon as I feel his lips on mine, a fire ignites within me and my body comes alive. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. We kiss passionately, with abandonment and roll so we're lying face to face next to one and other on the over sized sofa. Harry's now free left arm slides under the hem of my jumper and comes to rest grasping the soft flesh above my hip. I groan quietly. As our kiss deepens, I place my hand on his chest and feel his muscles tightly contracting under my touch, he shudders slightly and moves his lips from mine, kissing lightly down my jaw to my neck. I tilt my head back in pleasure. This is heavenly. 

“Oh Harry..” I whisper softly in to his ear, running my hand through his hair. I am aware that I am panting, my whole body is pressed against him. I can feel his excitement growing, quite literally as it presses against my hip. Too fast. I think. This is all happening too fast. As if sensing this, Harry's kisses slow and he repositions us so that he is lying on his back, my head resting on his chest. I can hear his heart beating quickly beneath my cheek. 

We lay in silence for several minutes, the CD has finished and the only sound in the room is that of both of us trying to steady our breaths. I snuggle contently in to the crook of Harry's arm  
as he lightly strokes my hair. Our peaceful moment is interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. 

“Urgh.” He says, starting to sit up. “Please make yourself at home.” He kisses my forehead lightly and pulls his phone from his pocket.“We need to be ready to leave in about an hour ok?” 

“Ok. I best get ready then.” I smile up at him stupidly as he leaves the room. Admiring his long legs as he strides out of the door, answering his phone as he goes. Finally I sit up and stretch, trying to release some of the built up tension from my body. Then retrieving the shoe box from the table and my shopping bags from yesterday from the corner of the room, I make my way up to the bedroom I slept in last night to get ready for my surprise.


	11. Chapter 11

“Wow. You look... incredible.” Harry stammers as I make my way slowly down the stairs. He is in the hallway adjusting an oversized scarf that is hanging loosely around his neck. He has paired this with a black woollen sweater, skinny jeans and his standard Chelsea boots and he looks good enough to eat. 

I blush profusely, trying to look graceful without losing my footing in the new stilettos which have a much higher heel than I am used to. I am wearing one of the two dresses I bought in Camden with Mel, seems like a life time ago now, was it really only yesterday? The dress is simple, black with a low cut back, the bottom of the skirt grazes the midsection of my thighs. It matches the shoes well. I'm grateful that I had the fore-thought to bring my make up bag with me so I've been able to try and make myself look good enough to be on his arm. I am fairly sure I've failed at that almost impossible task, but the look on Harry's face as he looks me up and down and whistles out a low breath gives me hope that he at least, approves. 

He takes my hand to help me down the last two stairs, as I reach the bottom he kisses me on the cheek. 

“Ready to go?” He asks as he pulls on a smart black coat. 

“I think so, but then as I don't know where we're going, I don't know what I should be ready for.” I tease him. 

He helps me in to my coat and takes my hand. Toby is waiting outside in the Mercedes when we exit and Harry rushes to open the door for me, he extends his hand to help me climb in to the back seat of the car. I wonder idly who taught him to have such good manners and make a mental note to thank his mother if I ever get to meet her. 

We turn out of Harry's drive and head towards central London, the traffic is heavy as always. Harry fiddles with a few switches in the back of the car and Fleetwood Mac's Dreams starts to play quietly in the small space. We are seated on either side of the large back seat, but despite that I can still feel the warmth emanating from his body and the urge to scoot over and cuddle up in to him is almost overwhelming. 

“Do I get to know where we are headed yet?” I ask again

“I told you its a surprise. You'll see soon enough.” He takes my hand across the seats and rubs circles around the back of it with his thumb. 

A few minutes later we pull up outside of a small restaurant, I think we're somewhere near Victoria. The sign above the door reads 'Il Convivio' so I assume its Italian. I suddenly realise I'm starving and am very grateful that he's taking me to eat. Harry exits the car and strides around to open my door, as we approach the restaurant, I notice that its empty and wonder if they are actually open. Harry casually swings open the door and holds it open for me. The sight inside takes my breath away. 

The entire place is filled with candles, there are no electric lights on anywhere that I can see. Every table seems to have been moved up against the side walls, except for one. In the very centre of the room is a table set for two, with a beautiful single lily in a vase in the centre, a crisp white table cloth and low backed wooden chairs. A woman's voice, singing in Italian is emanating from the speakers in the corners of the room. 

“Mr Styles. Pleasure to see you again sir. I believe everything is as you requested. May I take your coats?” Asks a well dressed man in a suit who greets us. 

I hand my coat over to him and stare at Harry, bemused as he shakes the man's hand. 

“Is all this.. for us?” 

“For you.” He corrects me and begins to lead me to the table. “For the next two hours, Franco and his staff have been kind enough to reserve the restaurant for us. “

I stand open mouthed staring at him. He's reserved an entire restaurant??? Slowly I force my jaw to close and step towards him. 

“It's beautiful.” I say quietly. “Thank you” I stretch up on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. We've only just settled in to our seats when the well dressed Italian, Franco I assume, reappears with a bottle of champagne and proceeds to pour us two glasses. Harry raises his eyebrows at me questioningly, I assume to confirm whether I want to drink tonight, so I nod at him in consent. Franco hands us both a menu and quietly retreats out of sight. 

“I can't believe you did this Harry, its, amazing. And truly a surprise, if you'd given me a hundred guesses I would never have gotten this.” I gesture to to our surroundings

“I'm glad you like it. But, this is just the start darling. The night is still young.” I feel his hand graze lightly up my bare thigh and have to suppress a shudder from the pleasure. 

Franco appears out of nowhere a few moments later and takes our order, Insalata di Avocado e  
Barbabietola con Caprino Caldo e Misticanza for me to start, which roughly translates as avocado and goats cheese salad according to the small print. Harry opts for something with an even longer and more complicated name, that he assures me is beef carpaccio and we both choose a pasta for our main courses. Left alone again I am suddenly nervous. I don't do things like this.. going out for nice dinners in posh restaurants in London is rare enough, but having that whole restaurant to myself and being the centre of attention for all who work there and the man I am with, well that's a first. 

Harry and I chat happily over our starters, mostly about my work which he seems to be very interested in for some unknown reason. 

“I never really got to have a 'normal' job he explains. I mean, I worked in the erm, bakery, but I was a kid, it was just a Saturday job.” 

“Do you ever wish things had started a bit later in life for you? That you'd had a little more time to have a normal life before everyone wanted a piece of you? “

“Sometimes”. He muses. “But when I look back on all the things I've got to do and experience, it's hard to have regrets. We travelled the world, met some amazing people and had the chance to work with some of the best in the industry. I'd sound like a bit of a dick if I said I wished I'd had more opportunities to do other jobs and sit around playing video games with my mates”. He smiles 

“hehe” I giggle, “yes I suppose you would. Poor little superstar,” I tease and pout at him playfully.

As our main courses arrive, I see Harry glance at his watch. It's 6:30, I wonder if we are on a schedule. 

“Somewhere we need to be?” I ask him

“Not for another hour, and it's not far from here so we've got plenty of time. Ready to be brave?” He asks suddenly catching me off guard. I glance up at him in confusion

“Brave?”

He is twirling pasta on to his fork, seeming to want to make sure he gets a little bit of everything on there. Once he's satisfied, he turns the fork towards me. 

“Time to try something new.” He nods towards the outstretched fork. 

I swallow, he already knows I am a fussy eater. But I don't want to spoil the evening by refusing him after he's gone to so much trouble. I decide to trust him and start to reach for the fork. 

He shakes his head slightly and retracts the fork a little. 

“Allow me? Please?” 

His big green eyes are sparking in the candle light, so open and pleading that there is simply no way I can possibly refuse him. I lean forward slightly and begin to open my mouth. I keep my  
eyes fixed on his as he slowly places the fork in my mouth. I drag the creamy pasta past my teeth as he slowly removes the fork. I can't taste a thing. I chew absent-mindedly without registering a single taste. All I can think about is Harry. His beautiful eyes staring in to mine,  
my body is straining against the confines of my chair, wanting to reach out and touch him. Not the time or the place. I scold myself. And slowly wrench my gaze from his. 

“Nice?” He asks raising his eyebrows, and I can't decide if he is asking about the food, or the action of him feeding it to me, the look in his eyes tells me its both. 

“Delicious” I lie, although I didn't dislike it, I really didn't pay enough attention to have formed an opinion. 

“Knock Knock.” Harry says suddenly, knocking his knuckles against the edge of the wooden table. It takes me a moment to catch on

“Who's there? “

“'Hoola”' 

“'Hoola who?'” 

He places a finger in his mouth and pulls at his check making a 'p' sound and I collapse in to a fit of giggles. It's one of the most stupid jokes I have ever heard, but its broken the tension between us and lightened the mood. Harry looks very pleased with himself. We finish our pasta and Franco reappears from no where to ask if we would like dessert. 

“No thank you Franco, we really need to get going though.” Harry says checking his watch again. 7:15. “But thank you again for this evening.” He hands Franco a credit card. 

I start to remove my purse from my bag, wanting to pay my share. 

“Katie, please put your purse away. This is my treat.” 

Before I can argue with him, Franco is back, returning Harry's card and helping me in to my coat. We make our way outside and I am surprised to see that Toby and the car are no where to be seen. Harry takes my hand and starts walking purposefully down the road. 

“No car?” 

“Nope, it's only round the corner. It'll be quicker to walk”. 

“Hmm“ I say looking up at him in curiosity as we walk side by side through the busy London streets. We are now in an area of Victoria that I know very well, walking past the shell of the Victoria theatre, which I remember is being remodelled in preparation for Hamilton opening next month. We continue around a corner towards the Apollo where I've seen Wicked on countless occasions. Suddenly Harry stops. 

“After you.” He says, and motions towards the large glass doors of the theatre. I don't even attempt to hide the huge grin that I can feel spreading across my face, making my cheeks hurt in the cold winter weather. 

“We're seeing Wicked?” I ask, almost bouncing with excitement. 

Harry grins back at me. “Is that ok?”

“Harry its perfect!” I say and jump at him, gleefully throwing my arms around his neck. Thank you! 

He leads me in to the theatre and I notice that more than one head has turned towards us. Shit, I did it again. I forgot who I was with. Thankfully the entrance is fairly quiet, its 7:26, curtain is in 4 minutes, so I assume most people have already taken their seats. But I am sure at least one group of girls have recognised him, or at least they think its him. They are all giggling to each other and gawking in our direction. I notice with a twinge of sadness, that Harry is no longer holding my hand, but I try and push the feeling away. We've barely known each other a week. Of course he doesn't want to be seen holding my hand in public. This way, we could just be two friends. A staff member hurries up to us, it seems we are expected or at least, Harry is. 

“Good evening Sir, Can I show you to your seats?” She asks politely. She is an older lady, I'd guess in her 50's and clearly she is used to dealing with the odd celebrity as she doesn't use Harry's name and tries not to draw attention to us as she ushers us through the foyer. She leads us down through the theatre quietly, as the lights have now dimmed and the orchestra is starting to play, no one pays us much attention and even those who are looking at us would struggle to make out Harry's features in this light. I notice that he has ducked his head slightly so that it is partially covered by his large scarf. We keep moving down towards the stage, and I can't help but let out a small squeaky sound when I realise that we are being seated front row centre. We take our seats just as the curtains open and the opening bars to No one Mourns the Wicked reverberate throughout the theatre. As usual from the first moment, I am utterly transported to Oz, staring in wonder at the beautifully crafted sets and costumes, which I can see so much more detail of from here. Before I forget myself entirely, I glance at Harry and whisper. Thank you. Then I allow myself to sit back and enjoy the show.


	12. Chapter 12

As Elphaba soars up in to the sky for the climax of defying gravity, I have to bite my lip to stop myself from joining in with the song, I can sense Harry watching me and I want to look over at him, but this is my favourite part of the show and the interval is coming up straight after this so I decide he'll have to wait for a moment. I've not seen this cast before and I am mesmerized by the actress who is playing Elphaba, her voice is like nothing I've heard before and she hits all the high notes with ease. As she belts out the final note, a tear comes to my eyes, I quickly brush it away hoping Harry hasn't noticed. I applaud enthusiastically as the curtain drops signalling the end of the first act. Harry claps politely next to me, his eyes still on me, has he been watching me the whole time? I wonder. 

“Your really supposed to watch the people ON the stage.” I say to him finally turning my head in his direction. 

“I was, it's just.. you were so engrossed. Watching you watching them.. I felt like I could see it through your eyes, feel what it was making you feel. You really love it don't you?” 

Our heads have moved closer together during this exchange, trying to keep our voices low so as to nor draw unwanted attention to ourselves. At such close proximity I can see all the different shades of green in his eyes, and the slight creases that appear underneath them as he smiles. I return his smile shyly, self conscious. 

“Yes, I really do.” I reply. “It's my favourite place to be, and these seats are amazing, Harry I really can't thank you enough for this. It's .. well its magical.”

I reach over and place my hand on top of his, gently squeezing it in gratitude. Less than a second has passed when I see the flash go off somewhere behind us. I whip my hand away as quickly as possible but I already know its too late. Harry wheels around trying to see where the flash came from and my eyes follow his, I spot one of the girls we saw in the foyer earlier, rushing off back to her seat a few rows behind ours, her phone held out in front of her as she stretches to show her friends the picture she has just taken. 

“Shit.” Harry mumbles. Quickly pulling his own phone from his pocket. I try not to pry as he types out a hurried text. A minute passes, then another. Harry is still staring at his phone as if willing whoever it was he text reply. I decide staying quiet is probably best for now, and to be honest, I have no idea what I would say any way. Harry's phone lights up with a response just as the curtain rises for act 2. As we can't really speak about it now, Harry shows me the text message he's received from someone called Jeff. 

“It's on Twitter. I'll arrange an alternative exit for you and do damage control. Try and keep your head down until then.” 

As I am reading the message, a screenshot pops up of a tweet

“Look who's on a date at #WickedLondon tonight! @Harry_Styles you can do better baby!” 

Below the tweet is a the photo. It's slightly blurry, but Harry's face is perfectly visible. As is my hand on his thigh, our heads are leaning towards one and other. Thankfully the angle of the photo means all that can be seen of me is my wayward hand, and my long brown hair against the back of my chair. Shit. Shit. Shit. I give Harry my most apologetic look and he quickly types out a message for me to read

“Don't worry.” 

Don't worry? How on earth am I supposed to NOT worry! This was supposed to be our first real date, not our coming out party to the world. The screen-shotted tweet had already been retweeted several times and had over 30 comments, and it was taken just moments after the photo must have been uploaded. God knows how bad things will be by the time we leave here. Not to mention that everyone now knows exactly where we are. As the cast start up the opening number of act 2, I realise my hands are shaking in fear. I clasp them tightly in my lap and try and focus on the stage, determined not to give anyone anything further to report about our behaviour this evening. 'You can do better baby!' The words flash in front of my eyes as if Harry hasn't replaced his phone in his pocket and I am still staring at it. I try and calm myself down, how bad can it be really? I could just be his friend, touching his hand is hardly a gesture that only a date would make, hopefully this Jeff guy can do some damage control and calm things down before the show finishes. I desperately try and relax, Harry has gone to a lot of trouble for me this evening, and I don't want him to know how much this is upsetting me and spoiling our evening. I sit a little straighter in my chair and try and let myself get lost in the show.

 

“Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight  
I need help believing, your with me tonight.  
My wildest dreaming could not foresee,   
lying beside you, with you wanting me.” 

As the epic love song between Elpaba and Fiyero starts, Harry quietly places his coat between us on the seats, he grabs my hand and places it beneath the coat with his own, our fingers intertwined. His touch manages to relax me more than any amount of internal pep talks have done for the last 45 minutes. He is slowly moving his thumb across the back of my hand in time to the music and I finally feel my heartbeat begin to slow to a normal pace. As the song comes to an end I try to retrieve my hand to applaud, but Harry refuses, tightening his fingers around mine, preventing my escape. I settled for clapping my free hand against my thigh and risk a quick glance at him, he looks.. pissed off. At me? No it can't be at me or he wouldn't be holding my hand I rationalise. 

As the final bars of the finale start to fade, I force Harry to release my hand by getting up to give the cast a standing ovation as they take their final bows. They were one of the best casts I've seen. The rest of the crowd rises with us in unison. As the cast leaves the stage for the final time, the curtain lowers and the lights come up in the theatre, I notice that whilst most people are now filling out of the theatre. Harry has returned to his seat and has his phone in his hand. He gestures for me to do the same and places a call. I assume to Jeff. 

“How bad is it?” Harry practically growls in to the phone. I've never heard him speak that way to anyone before. I can't hear Jeff's reply, but something in the expression on Harry's face combined with his tone, makes my hands begin to shake again. 

“Ok. We'll wait till everyone's gone and wait for her then. Thanks Jeff.” he says and ends the call. 

“Bad?” I ask him quietly. 

“Not great. Jeff called the theatre management, they're sending someone to meet us.”

“Harry, maybe its best if you leave without me?” I ask. He starts to shake his head in protest but I persist. “If we are seen leaving together, its only going to get worse right? And I'm willing to bet there are at least a few fans waiting outside for you. I can easily get a cab back to your house whilst you go home with Toby.” 

“No Katie. Out of the question. I am not leaving you here alone.” 

“But, they aren't interested in me, the photo doesn't even show my face. It's you they want to see, so surely, once you've left.. they'll leave too?” I pick up my coat and place it over my hands, just like Harry did with his earlier. Only difference is, I'm trying to hide my shaking hands from him so that he doesn't realise how scared I am. I can see that he is seeing the sense in my plan, but he doesn't like it. 

“I don't want to leave you to get a cab. I'll get Jeff to send another car. He sighs heavily, the action makes him seem to shrink in to his tall frame. Are you sure you're ok with this? “

“Of course.” I reply, but inwardly I am screaming. I don't want to be left alone with god knows how many fans and photographers outside. 

A moment later the same lady that showed us to our seats earlier appears at my side. I notice that the theatre has emptied around us. 

“Mr Styles?” She says as she moves towards Harry. “I'm afraid that there are several photographers and quite a large crowd gathered outside, as well as at the stage door. I don't think there will be an easy way to avoid them.” 

“Thank you,” I see him glance down at her name tag, “Tricia,” he reads. “I am sorry for the inconvenience. We had hoped to go unnoticed, or at the very least not photographed.”

“I understand Mr Styles, we do not permit photography in the theatre but unfortunately it does happen. If you'd like to follow me, a gentlemen named Jeff is in the foyer with several security personal. “

Harry stands and turns to me, “Are you sure about this?” He asks, taking hold of my hand. 

“Yes.” I reply as strongly as I can manage. Pulling myself out of my chair and standing as tall as my 5 foot 2 inch frame will let me. 

“I'll head out first, and send Jeff in to you. He'll arrange a car to bring you home once I've left. I'm so sorry about this Katie, it isn't how I wanted tonight to end.” He says sadly

“It's ok. I'll be fine. I'll see you at your house soon.”

“Be safe.” He says and kisses me lightly on the cheek. Tricia gives me a sympathetic smile before she turns to lead Harry out of the theatre and back in to the foyer. I stand dumbly for a moment, realising that I am completely alone in the theatre. It would be a dream if the situation was very different.


	13. Chapter 13

It feels like hours have passed by the time a man in a t-shirt and jeans wanders in to the theatre and introduces himself to me as Jeff. He already seems to know exactly who I am, although as I am the only person here it's not exactly hard to guess. 

“Katie. Jeff.” He says in a brusk voice. “Harry's just leaving. It's a shit storm out there. He looks down at me as if this is my fault and shakes his head. It'll take him a while to get away. Toby will call me when they've left. And then we'll get you a cab.” 

“I thought you were getting another car for me? I question. Harry was pretty adamant about not wanting me to get a cab alone..” Jeff abruptly cuts me off. 

“I'm not in the habit of sending cars all over London to pick up every girl H takes a shine to.” He looks me up and down. “I'm sure a girl like you can manage a cab ride.” 

What the hell is this guys problem I wonder to myself. I didn't ask to come here tonight. Let alone ask to be photographed by some snap happy teenager with an iPhone. It's hardly my fault this has happened. And 'every girl Harry takes a shine to' what's that supposed to mean? Am I just one in a long line of women he's done this with and Jeff's bored of having to pick up the pieces? 

I decide that the best thing for me to do right now is to just sit here quietly and wait for Toby to call. Hopefully Jeff won't insist on keeping up conversation. I return to the chair at the back of the theatre that I'd been sat on waiting for him and pull out my phone, hoping that if he thinks I am busy on it, he won't feel the need to talk to me. 

“I think you've caused enough trouble for one night, don't you?” He says abruptly, staring down at my phone. I have opened a news app just for something to read. I notice that the first story in the entertainment section has the photo from tonight with the headline 'Harry Styles spotted on date in London with mystery Brunette' I flush bright red. 

“I didn't mean to cause any trouble.” I say sheepishly to Jeff. Locking my phone and replacing it in my handbag. 

“Yeah right. C'mon, that was one of your friends who posted the picture right? Thought you could get yourself a nice little kiss and tell in the Sun and make a few extra quid. I've shut down plenty of other women like you, don't think you can fool me.” 

I jump to my feet hurt and embarrassed, just who does this guy think he is! Then suddenly my heart sinks in to my new Christian Loubotins. He's been in the foyer talking to Harry, is this what he thinks too? Is this Harry's way of telling me he blames me without having to face me himself and have the awkward conversation?

Look Jeff. I don't know who or what you've dealt with before. But I didn't even know I was coming here tonight. How on earth could I plant one of my friends in the audience to take a photo and post it on fucking twitter? 

Jeff glances pointedly at my phone. “I'm sure you could have sent a text.” He answers me. 

I am gobsmacked. “The girl who took the photo spotted Harry the minute we walked in to the foyer,” I say adamantly. “They were here before we were. And as I said, I didn't know we were coming here until we walked in the door. Harry surprised me.” 

“Whatever you say love.” He responds sarcastically but he backs down and perches on the arm of a nearby chair and pulls out his own phone, he places a call. 

“Coast clear?” He asks whomever he has called. “Ok. I'll take her out now then.” 

With that Jeff stands and puts his phone back in his jacket pocket, and moves to grab my elbow. I step back and push his hand away. 

“I am perfectly capable of walking on my own thank you.” I state forcefully and start heading towards the exit. As I get closer to the foyer doors, I can see that there is still a small crowd of people outside the theatre, but they look to just be kids, hopefully I can get past them without any trouble. But .. I suddenly wonder, will they recognise Jeff? 

“Will they know you?” I ask him, pointing out the door to the girls on the curb. 

“Shit. Probably.” He admits.” Jesus Christ woman you couldn't have just given H what he wanted at home? Had to come out and see the size of his wallet huh. Shit”. 

I am immobilised by Jeffs harsh words. Did he just accuse me of being some kind of .. whore? I shake myself and regain my composure. I am used to dealing with drunks in the pub, shouting their mouths off after a few too many jagerbombs, calling me every name under the sun when I refuse to serve them any more. I am not going to be intimidated by this man. 

“Look Jeff, I don't know what your problem is with me, but clearly you don't want to be here and to be honest, I don't want you here either. So how about I leave on my own so they don't see me with you. And you take yourself back to wherever it is that you appeared from?” I stand my ground and look Jeff in the eye as I say this. Trying to hold my hands steady so that he won't see them shaking. 

“My problem? My fucking problem with you lady is that all you women are the same. You think you can get a break from your mundane little lives by taking advantage of H and getting a story out there for yourselves. Did you think you were special?” He spits at me forcefully. “Do you think I care how you get home? All I care about is that no more trouble is caused tonight. He's got a career to think about, a tour.. he can't afford bad publicity right now.” 

I can feel the tears welling in my eyes at his words. 'Did you think you were special' I did. Why did I? Because he took me for dinner and a show? Suddenly I know I can't be here any more. I need to go home. Not to Harry's house. To my own. Before Jeff can stop me, I kick off my expensive heels scoop them up in my hand and run towards the door. As I barge through the small crowd of girls outside I can hear the familiar click of iPhone camera's going off and I try and keep my head down. Letting my long hair fall down in front of my face to shield it as much as possible. I can hear Jeff calling after me from the doorway of the Apollo but I don't slow down. I run over the road and in to the comfortingly busy Victoria train station and try and disappear in to the crowd.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry's perspective. 

“What do you mean she ran off? I growl at Jeff angrily. All you had to do was wait with her and put her in a car!” 

H, mate, calm down. She got spooked and took off. I couldn't run after her without attracting too much attention to myself. There were still fans outside. 

I look down at the phone in my hand and hit the redial button for the 5th time since Jeff arrived. Please answer Katie, I beg to myself. Please. But she doesn't. The call goes to voicemail just like all the others. Fuck. 

“Toby!” I shout moving towards the front door. “Toby!” 

I sent him home H. Didn't see you'd need him any more tonight. Look, she's just one girl alright, plenty more fish in the sea! We can find you another one..

“She's not JUST one a girl.” I snap back at him. Appalled that he could refer to Katie that way. “Look Jeff, I think it's best that you just head home alright.” 

“But H..” I cut him off. 

“I'll see you tomorrow. Flights at midday right? I'll meet you at Heathrow.” I turn and start to walk up the stairs before he has the chance to respond, eventually as I reach the door to the guest bedroom, I hear the front door open and close and a car engine start. Good. I think to myself. I need to try and get hold of Katie, and doing that without Jeff here will be much easier. I try Katie one more time, and hear myself grunting in frustration when yet again, the call goes to voicemail. I start to scroll through my contacts, I don't have Mel's number, but maybe Ben does? They spent some time together after my show the other night. I decide it's worth a shot and call him. 

“H! What's up buddy?” 

“I need a favour Ben, do you remember the two girls who came to my show on Monday night in London? You took one of them for a tour around the venue? “

“Yeah I remember mate, why?” 

“Please tell me you got her number.”. 

“Thought you were more interested in the brunette?” He chuckles. 

“Not really the time Ben, did you get it or not?” I ask with more of an edge to my voice than he deserves, but I can't help it. I'm worried. 

“I'm sorry mate, I didn't. I might be able to find it though, let me make a few calls and get back to you ok?” 

“Thanks Ben.” I say and end the call. I text Katie. 

“Please Please let me know you are ok, you aren't answering your phone and Jeff said you ran off.. Please Katie. I'm worried. H x”

Katies perspective. 

5 missed calls. Urgh. Leave me alone. I lean my head against the window of the rocking train carriage and close my eyes. I can't deal with all this. I try and allow my mind to wander for the remainder of the journey down to East Croydon, but as hard as I try, all I can picture is Harry. Harry's eyes... Harry's laugh... Harry's kisses... Snap out of it. You had some fun, that's all. I scold myself. 

“This station is East Croydon.” The voice over the tannoy startles me and I grab my shoes and bag and rush off the train. I make my way to the departure board and start searching for a train home. Shit is it really 12:32? How did it get so late I wonder. I can't see any trains on the board, so I start making my way in to the station to find a guard. 

“Hi, sorry, can you tell me when the next train to Sutton is please? “I ask him. 

“Sorry love, no more trains that way till 6:30am.” He says and starts to walk away from me. 

Well that's just great. Given how my night has been going thought I don't know why I am surprised. I slip my shoes back on and make my way out to the front of the station to hail a cab. I arrive home a little after 1am. The flat is quiet, there's no sign of Mel. She's at her mums I remember and pull my phone out to text her, there's a text from Harry. He's worried? Why? As his friend made perfectly clear, I'm not special, just one of many. He's probably just trying to be nice so I don't go to the papers, I think sadly. As I open up a message to Mel my phone screen goes black. The battery has died. I give up! I toss my phone on to my bedside table and make my way to the bathroom to ready myself for bed. A good nights sleep, things will look better in the morning. 

Harry's perspective

“Melanie Clark – 07954 724 448”

Ben came through with the number. I quickly add it to my contacts and place the call. It takes Mel a few rings to answer and when she does she's groggy, I must have woken her up. It's nearly 1am. 

“Hello? Who's this?” She questions. 

“Mel? It's Harry. Look, Katie took off tonight and she's not answering her phone, I don't know where she is. Have you heard from her?” I spit the words out, I can't remember the last time I spoke so quickly. Why am I this upset? 

“Harry!” Mel exclaims, clearly surprised that I am calling her, “How did you get my number? What do you mean Katie took off?” 

“We were at the theatre, some one took our photo and put it on Twitter, Katie made me leave without her to disperse the crowds outside, she was meant to get in another car and follow me back home but she took off, my manager saw her go in to the train station at Victoria.” 

“Fuck. I'm sure she's fine Harry, she's probably just gone home, but I'll call her ok. I'll call you back.” Abruptly she hangs up on me. 

I try and wait patiently for her to call back, but I can't sit still. I pace around the guest room. I notice Katie's clothes from earlier today piled neatly on a chair in the corner, her backpack slung over the back of it. Shit her backpack. I rip it open and my heart sinks. Staring back at me is her nebuliser. I guess she didn't want to carry it around all night, but she shouldn't be without it. My phone rings startling me. 

“Did you speak to her?” I ask breathlessly

“No. Straight to voicemail. Maybe her battery died.”

“And she's not made it home yet?” I press her for information

“I don't know, I'm at my mums, my sisters birthday.. I'm sure she is at home.” 

“Do you have a landline?” 

“No we don't, sorry Harry. Look I'm heading home first thing in the morning, I'll let you know she's there when I arrive, there's nothing we can do tonight. She's probably just got home and gone to bed. “

“Mel, she left her nebuliser here. Does she have a spare? “

“I don't know, Mel answers through a big yawn. She's got inhalers though, she's a big girl Harry I'm sure she's fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow ok?” 

Begrudgingly I say goodnight to Mel and hang up the phone. 'there's nothing we can do tonight' her voice echo's through my head. She's right, I can't drive I had too much champagne at the restaurant, and its too late for me to get Toby back here. I decide to send him a text to ask him to come over first thing in the morning to get the nebuliser and take it to Katie's. I send one more text to Katie

“Sleep sweet. H x” 

I notice that at some point during the phone calls I have picked up one of the pillows from the bed and am hugging it to my chest, it smells like her. I put the pillow down on the bed and climb in, trying to let the scent of her wash over me and calm me in to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Katie's perspective. 

I awaken to a knock at the door, what time is it? I grab my phone to check then remember that the battery is dead. Slowly I stand and grab my dressing gown and wrap it around me and start padding down the hall to the door. 

“Miss Francis.” Toby tips his hat in greeting to me as I open the door. 

“Toby!” I exclaim and pull my dressing gown slightly tighter around me. “What are you doing here?” 

“You left your bag Miss, Mr Styles requested I bring it to you as he thought you might need it.”

I glance down and see my battered black backpack in Toby's hand. I had totally forgotten about it. 

“Thank you Toby, it was very kind of you to bring it.” 

“Just doing my job Ma'am”. 

I take the bag from Toby and start to close the front door. 

“Miss Francis?” He calls 

“Yes?” I turn back to face him. 

“It's not my place, but, Mr Styles is really worried. Maybe you could let him know you are ok?” 

“I'm sure you can tell him that when you go back Toby. Thanks for the bag.” 

I give him a grateful smile and close the door. “If Mr Styles is so worried why did he send YOU to bring my bag? Huh Toby?” I say out loud to myself. I glance at the clock in the hallway, 9:15am. Fuck it. I'm going back to bed. 

“Katie. Katie.. wake up honey.”

As I pry my eyes open I can see Mel looking down at me. She is sat on the edge of my bed gently shaking my shoulder. 

“Mel. Hey.” I start to sit up as Mel throws her arms around me. 

“Oh babes I am so sorry! I saw the news, and twitter.. Are you ok?” 

“I'll be fine. Is it bad?” I ask her unsure whether or not I want to hear the answer. 

These girls are just jealous of you babe, that's all it is. Its not personal, you have to remember that. They get like this with everyone he dates. 

“Get like what?” I ask harshly, starting to wake up properly now and wondering what she is going on about. I was worried that there would be backlash against Harry, but it sounds like its against.. me? 

“Just the usual shit, jealousy is an ugly thing. Don't worry about it. I better text Harry. I promised I'd let him know you're ok, he couldn't get hold of you last night, he was so worried.” 

“So everyone keeps telling me” I sigh. As Mel gets up she motions to my phone on the bedside table. “Dead?” She questions. 

“Yeah. I didn't care enough to put it on charge last night. Sorry if I worried you. How is it that you have Harry's number anyway?” 

“He called me last night, I guess he got one of his lackies to dig my number up from somewhere or another.” 

I read over her shoulder and she types out a message to Harry

“I just got home, Katie's fine, she was sleeping when I got here. And her phone battery is dead x”

Within seconds she gets a response. 

“THANK YOU MEL. I'm at the airport about to board. I'll call Katie as soon as I land. Take care of her? H” 

“Always. Safe flight x” Mel types back. 

“Ok, tell me everything.” Mel says as she flops back down on my bed. 

“I really don't feel up to it right now Mel, can we talk about it later please?” I plead with her. I'm just not ready to discuss this yet. All I want to do is get in to a nice warm bath and try and lose myself in a good book for an hour. Then I might be ready to face the world again. Mel scowls at me, but doesn't push. 

“Ok. I'll be watching TV. Holler if you need anything. As she walks out the door she calls back Love you babes.”

“ Love you too” I reply as I plug my phone in to charge. I grab my very battered copy of Pride and Prejudice from my shelf and head in to the bathroom. 

Just as Mr Darcy is about to ask Elizabeth if he may have the honour of the next dance. Mel knocks loudly on the bathroom door. I've refilled the bath tub with hot water several times at this point, and was quite happily taking a long vacation in the English Countryside in 1813 where things seem much less complicated. 

“Are you going to hide in there all day?” She calls through the door. 

“I had thought about it yeah.” I yell back. 

“Well.. tough. I'm going to go grab some KFC, want some? I know you dooo..” she teases in a sing song voice

“Sure. Want me to come with you?” I ask her

“Na its fine, I'll be back in a few minutes, just get your arse out the bath.” 

A few minutes later I hear the front door close, time to move I guess. Unwillingly I put my book down and try and drag myself back in to the real world. Taking time to dry and straighten my hair, which I rarely do unless I am going out. I open the backpack Harry sent over, and see that he has folded my clothes from yesterday neatly in to the top. As I pick them up, I notice the white t-shirt with the band Kiss' emblem emblazoned on the front that he gave me to wear yesterday when my clothes were drying is in the pile along with a note from Harry written in neat handwriting. 

“It looks better on you. H x”

I stand for a few moments staring at the shirt. A goodbye gift? I wonder. It's not like he doesn't have plenty of other T-shirts. Some feeling inside me that I am not quite ready to face takes over and I pull the shirt over my head, I throw on some jeans and my favourite oversized jumper and head in to the kitchen to wait for Mel to return. Stuffing my phone in to my pocket on the way. 

“One boneless banquet for Miss Fussy Francis” Mel announces, placing a brown bag on the table in front of me. It smells delicious. I haven't eaten yet today and my stomach grumbles at the scent of fried chicken. 

“Thanks.” I reply and start to delve in to my food gratefully. 

“So, are you going to tell me what happened? Harry was really worried about you when he called me last night. What made you run off?” 

I take a deep breath and launch in to the story of last night and the days proceeding it. I tell Mel all about our intense kisses, the amazing pasta Harry cooked me, the restaurant, the surprise theatre trip. And Jeff's animosity towards me which caused me to flee. She sits listening intently, not disturbing me other than to clarify points she doesn't quite follow, and waits for me to finish before responding. 

“Wow. What. An. Arsehole. I can't believe he thought he had the right to speak to you that way!” She almost shouts. 

“Maybe Harry asked him to?” I mumble quietly. “Maybe he decided it was all too much for him and he that it was easier to have Jeff get rid of me than have to speak to me about it himself.” I finish sadly. 

“No way!” Mel says forcefully. “There's just no way Katie. You didn't hear Harry last night, he was so worried about you. He text me three times this morning before I managed to get back here, wanting to know if you were ok... Besides, why would he do all that, rent out an entire restaurant, take you to see your favourite show, in front row seats no less, if he wanted to 'get rid of you' ? It makes no sense.” 

I shrug. “I think, maybe he had good intentions when the evening started. But, you've told me how private he tries to be with his relationships. Maybe the photo was just too much for him to deal with and he decided I wasn't worth the trouble.” 

“That still doesn't explain why he called me at 1am last night in a panic. Look, his flight will be landing soon, and he said he'd call you then. Do me a favour and just talk to him. Let him tell you his side of things. I bet he doesn't even know what this Jeff guy said to you.” 

“But Mel.. even if he didn't know, even if he wasn't trying to get rid of me. We went on ONE date, just one, and our photo ended up all over the internet. I just.. I can't live like that. It might be better to just walk away now, before things get worse.” 

“I'm not going to lie to you babe, dating a celebrity is never going to be easy, especially not when that celebrity is Harry Styles.. but, he really seems to like you. Maybe he'll be worth the trouble” 

I sit back in my chair and take a moment to think about what she's said. I'm not convinced at all, but I guess the least I owe Harry is to speak to him and hear his side of things, but I need some time to get my head around all this first. 

I stand and start to clear away the remains of our food. I think I might go for a walk, get some fresh air and try and clear my head a little bit. I always find it easier to think things through when my feet are moving under me. It makes me feel like I am moving forward, even when my mind is twisting and turning in circles. I grab my coat, say goodbye to Mel and head outside. Grateful that its not raining. No superstar company today, so no need to hide under an umbrella. 

How on earth did I end up in this mess? I've made it as far as the local park and take a seat on the dewy grass, pulling my long coat underneath me to stop the water from seeping in to my jeans, I stare down at the blank screen for a moment then decide that the only way I can make an informed decision about all this is to see for myself how much trouble this photo has actually caused. Clicking open my phone I hit the Safari button and type 'Twitter' in to the search bar. I don't have an account and have very little experience using it, but hopefully I will be able to find the information I need. I open a search and type in Harry Styles. The list that appears in front of me is seemingly endless, the top few tweets seem to be about his album, there's a link to his twitter account. I notice the filters at the top of the page and set the search to 'latest' and change my search parameters to 'Harry Styles, London, Date' and hit the magnifying glass. Within seconds a slew of tweets appear in front of my eyes. Most of them seem to have the photo of us attached. I click open the third tweet, which has a fair few replies and retweets It's been posted by someone claiming to be a Harry Styles update account and the original tweet is simply the photo with the caption 'Harry and mystery girl in London tonight' I start to read through the replies. 

“Who is she?” 

“Is he dating her?” 

Ok this isn't so bad I think and continue scrolling, there are a few photos of Harry snapped by fans as he was leaving the theatre, it looks like he stopped and took some photos with them. Suddenly I see another photo, this one must have been snapped as I was rushing in to the station after my dramatic exit, in it my face can clearly be seen, I have my shoes in my hand and am trying to get through the crowd of girls. Shit. 

“Eww! Honestly, Harry can do better!!” 

“Dump the tramp and come take me out Hazza “

“Can't they get him prettier stunts? I mean seriously, what is she wearing? And her HAIR!!!” 

Stunts? What on earth does that mean I wonder and pat my hair subconsciously. I continue to scroll for a few minutes, most of the comments are along the same lines, there are a couple saying that I'm probably just his friend and not to worry about it. But the majority of them are insulting me in some way or telling Harry he can do better. I close twitter and open up my news app, it doesn't take me long to find the article that I saw last night. It's from the Sun, the very paper Jeff accused me of wanting to sell my 'story' to.

'Harry Styles spotted on date in London with mystery Brunette' 

“Ex One Direction heartthrob Harry Styles was spotted out in London tonight with a mystery brunette. A fan snapped a picture of the twosome getting cosy in the front row at Wicked a the Apollo theatre. 

Harry, who has previously be linked to presenter Caroline Flack, American sweetheart Taylor Swift, Kendall Jenner and others, seems to have taken a break from his usual Victoria secret model type.. “

the article continues listing Harry's rumoured conquests, as I have no idea how much of it is true I keep scrolling, not needing to see the accompanying pictures of Harry and his various supposed ex-girlfriends. At the bottom of the article I see a link to another headline. 'Harry Styles mystery brunette revealed!' I hastily click on the link and wait impatiently for the page to load. Under the headline is the same photo of me that I saw on twitter, but underneath that there is a more concerning paragraph. 

The photo is believed to be of 25 year old Katie Francis. A bar maid from south London. Our sources indicate that Katie is the very same woman who Harry stopped his concert at the Hammersmith Apollo for last Sunday when she apparently became unwell and had to be escorted from the crowd by security, she was seen to be taken backstage by other members of the audience. It is unclear at this time if Harry was already familiar with Katie before this incident, but it's pretty safe to say that he certainly knows who she is now. 

Shit, how have they gotten so much information about me in such a short space of time? They are reporters, I rationalise. It's their job. And its not like I am hard to find, I have a Facebook page.. Instagram. It probably wouldn't have been too difficult for them to have got my basic information, but I am surprised that they have linked me to the concert, I wouldn't have thought in that crowd, that anyone could have recognised me, let alone noticed that I was taken backstage. My phone rings startling me out of my thoughts. Harry's name flashes up on my screen. I'm not ready for this. It's just too much. I put my phone back in to my pocket and start to make my way back home.


	16. Chapter 16

Harry's perspective. 

Katie still won't take my calls. It's 8pm here in Stockholm and I've got to go on stage soon but I can't get her out of my head. I sit down heavily in the leather arm chair in my dressing room, careful not to crease my yellow Gucci suit, and think back over the conversation I had with Mel earlier. When I landed in Sweden, I'd tried to call Katie, but yet again it went to voicemail, so I gave Mel a call to see if she would be willing to fill me in a bit. She'd told me a few things that Jeff said to Katie last night and explained what had made her choose to not come back to my house as we'd planned. I'm fucking furious with Jeff, who I know is down the hall with Lou and decide its best to try and talk to him and clear the air a bit before I have to go on stage. 

“Jeff? Can I have a minute?” 

“Sure H, whats up.” 

“What did you say to Katie?” 

“Ahh man, look, I didn't say anything you shouldn't have said yourself mate. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but really H, getting papped with some girl you've only known for five minutes? You've got a tour to think about, you don't need that shit.” 

I give myself a moment to absorb his reply and try and see things from his point of view, sure he shouldn't have said what he did. But, it's his job to look out for me. 

“I like this girl Jeff. I know you're just looking out, but, you can't keep doing this. You've got to let me live my life”. 

“Can't you live it with someone more.. suitable?” Jeff stammers.” I mean, someone who understands the world you live in? She's a barmaid for gods sake.” 

“So? I don't give a shit what she job she does. She's a nice girl, and she didn't deserve to be treated like that. You're right, she doesn't understand, which just makes it fucking worse.” 

“H, buddy, I'm sorry ok?” 

Lou appears behind me taping her finger against her watch. I have to go on soon, I can hear Muna's muted set coming from the stage and know they only have a few more songs to go. 

“Just leave her alone alright?” I say to Jeff and turn to follow Lou back in to my dressing room. Hitting play on the CD player as I pass, my pre show mix starts to play, and I try and forget about everything that's going on and get in the zone. I glance at my phone and see a text from Katie as Lou starts to fiddle with my hair. 

“Sorry I haven't answered your calls, I don't think I can handle all of this, we live in totally different worlds and yours terrifies me. I need some time to think. Have a great show x”

Fuck. I've completely screwed this up. I shouldn't have taken her out like that so soon, I should have known better than to think I could go on a normal date. I made that mistake before, in New York with Taylor. Now I've done it again and scared Katie, the first girl in a long time that I've actually felt a connection with. Shit. 

“Just give me a chance to make things right. It isn't always like that I promise. I'll be back in London on the 12th and I'd really like to see you again. Please think about it. H x”

As I stand behind the curtain on stage, guitar in hand, I clear my mind of all the drama's going on and take a deep breathe. Mitch gives me a wink and I sing the opening lines 

“Ooooh tell me something I don't already know.   
Ooooh tell me something I don't already know.” 

The spot light shines through the curtain and blinds me for a moment, I hear the fans screaming on the other side, these people have travelled far and wide to come see me tonight, some have been camping out on the streets for days. I am not going to let them down. As the curtain falls, I start strumming my guitar and let the adrenaline rush through me. No matter how down I am, stepping on to a stage can always improve my mood. This is home. 

“Tell me something, tell me something  
You don't know nothing, just pretend you do  
I need something, tell me something new  
Choose your words 'cause there's no antidote  
For this curse  
Oh, what's it waiting for?  
Must this hurt you just before you go?”


	17. Chapter 17

It's been 4 day's since Harry and I became headline news. Whilst he is flying around Europe. I am back behind the bar, back to reality. The monotony of pulling pints is nice, this is what I know, this is the life I am used to. It's a Wednesday evening, but the bar is busy tonight, seems most of my regulars have stopped in on their way home from work, so I have plenty of people to chat to in an attempt to not think about Harry, who will shortly be taking the stage in Amsterdam for the second to last show of the European leg of his tour. Yep, I glance at the clock, I didn't think about him for a whole 6 minutes there. Progress. One of the customer's, Chris, a regular, catches my eye and motions towards his empty glass his mouth turning down at the corners to emphasise how sad this is making him and I wander down the bar to start pouring him another pint. 

“Why so glum Katie?” He asks in a friendly tone. Chris and his two work mates pop in to the pub most week nights when they've finished at the building site for the day, there all in their 40's with wives and children waiting at home for them whilst they prop up the bar, but they're nice guys at heart. 

“Ahh Chris, fairly sure it's the barmaids job to listen to her customer's troubles, not the other way around.” I say casually as I place his pint on the bar. £3.55 I say out of habit, despite knowing that he probably knows the prices in here better than I do. 

“A pretty girl like you shouldn't be frowning. Let me get you a drink? “

“Thanks, but I'm ok. How's things on the site?” 

“Slow, some idiot managed to fuck up the latest delivery of supplies and its gonna set us back a couple of weeks.” 

As we are chatting I see the door open and crane my neck around the large wooden post blocking my view to see who's come in, and to my shock I see Toby striding towards me. That alone would be strange enough, but it's what's in his hands that renders me unable to move from my spot in front of Chris. 

“Katie? Earth to Katie? You alright babe?” Chris asks me. I can hear his words, but I can't make my brain connect to my mouth for long enough to form a response. Toby reaches the bar and stands next to Chris. 

“Miss Francis? I have a delivery for you.” He says formally and tries to hand me the huge bouquet of white roses he is holding. 

“Wow! Whoever sent those must have done something really wrong, my wife only gets a cheap bunch from tesco's out of me” I hear Chris joke. Finally, I snap back in to myself and start to move down the bar gesturing for Toby to follow me. Chris and his friends continue to call after me, I can hear them asking each other who would be sending me flowers like this. As I walk out from behind the bar Toby catches up with me. 

“How did you know where I work?” Is the first thing that escapes my mouth, just one of many questions I have for him. 

“I believe Miss Clarke was kind enough to provide that information.” Toby states, and holds out the flowers. 

I take them gingerly, surprised by the weight, there has to be a dozen long stemmed white roses in the beautiful bouquet. 

“I believe there is a card. I best be on my way. Have a nice evening.”

Toby tips his hat to me and leaves before I can say another word. I realise he is probably less inclined to speak to me after I was rude to him the other day when he bought my bag back. Since I text Harry on Sunday night, he's respected my desire to not have a full on conversation and hasn't attempted to call me again. It hasn't stopped him texting though. Every morning I've awoken to a message wishing me a good day and telling me how his show went the night before, and every night he's text telling me to 'Sleep sweet' But he hasn't pushed me for a response or tried to convince me to speak to him. 

Part of me wishes he'd just disappear and let me sink back in to my normal life and forget about him, but every time his name flashes up on my screen my heart skips a couple of beats and reminds me that I really do like this guy. I just wish it wasn't so fucking complicated. I head back of house with the roses and call to Mark that I am going to take my break now. I hear the squeaky wheels of his chair scratch across the wooden floor of the office as he calls back that he'll mind the bar. I sit on one of the old plastic chairs in the staff kitchen and inspect the flowers. They truly are beautiful, pure white roses, I count them and there see that there are 11, not a dozen as I had initially thought, seems an odd number to send. Confused, I pull the small card from the middle of the bouquet and read. 

“White roses are traditionally sent to show someone that you are thinking of them. 11 stems. One for each day I have known and thought about you. H x”

I find an old jug under the sink, rinse it out and place the bouquet in to it with some water, positioning them carefully on the counter so that there is no danger of them falling, then pull out my phone and type out a quick text. 

“They are beautiful Harry. Thank you x”

“Not as beautiful as you. White Roses also symbolise new starts.. something I'd very much like to have with you. Please let me see you on Sunday and try again H x”

“Maybe x” 

I find myself replying without really thinking. For the first time I allow myself to consider the possibility of spending more time with him and find a huge smile is spreading across my face. What is it about this man that makes my incapable of listening to my rational side I wonder. 

When I finally get home at nearly midnight, I am exhausted. It feels like today has been a really long one. Needing to relax I flop on to my bed and grab my laptop perusing Facebook for a while before opening up YouTube for some back ground music. In the recommended video section, I see Harry's perfect face staring back at me, I guess after listening to his album on here, YouTube has decided I am a fan. The thumbnail is of him in a floral suit, the video was apparently filmed at his show tonight in Amsterdam. Curiosity overtakes me and I can't stop myself from clicking on the link. The video starts to play a song I vaguely remember from the show's I went to in London, Stockholm Syndrome according to the video title, its not a song from his album, so I can only assume its a cover of a one direction track that I haven't heard, but I like it, there's a darkness to the lyrics which contrast with the happy melody, its more interesting than most standard pop songs.

“I know they’ll be coming to find me soon  
But I feel I’m getting used to  
Being held by you “

As I watch, I try and reconcile the images on the screen, with the ones I have of 'my' Harry in my head. He is playing an oversized guitar and bopping away behind the mic, ever the showman. But there is something missing, it's like he's holding something back. The crowd are going wild for him just like they did in London, singing along with every word and screaming at the top of their lungs. But Harry looks subdued. Only smiling occasionally as he catches the eye of a fan or a sign in the crowd. As the video finishes another pops up on the screen, this time it's a performance of What makes you Beautiful from the same show. Harry's no longer holding his guitar and he seems to have regained some of his energy as he prances around the stage with a rainbow flag that he's plucked from somewhere in the crowd. An image springs to my mind of him pointing to me as he sang 'you don't know your beautiful' in Hammersmith, was it really only the start of last week, it feels like so much has happened since then. Without letting myself over think too much, I pick up my phone and type out a text to him. They're an hour ahead over there so chances are he'll be sleeping. 

“Just watched a video of What makes you Beautiful from your show tonight, you sounded great. Love the suit ;) x”

His response comes back almost instantly, surprising me, but its not what I expected at all. 

“Knock Knock.”

“Who's there?” I type back

“Urine”

“Urine who??” 

“Urinsecure.. don't know what for. H x”

I can't help the laughter that escapes my throat, it's a typical Dad joke, but somehow, no matter how bad Harry's jokes are I can't help but laugh. I can picture the smug look on his face as he says the punchline and his attempt to hide a smile at the resulting laughter. 

“For once I can actually type LOL and mean it. Your jokes really are awful, but they do make me laugh x”

“Should I take you watching videos of the show to mean I am forgiven? Or at least that you are speaking to me again? H x”

“Maybe. Or maybe you should just take it as YouTube wanting to remind me what I am missing. You came up in my recommended videos x”

“Haha! I'll send them a fruit basket in the morning as a thank you. How was your shift? H x”

“Other than me being embarrassed in front of a pub full of people when some guy sent a ridiculously large bunch of flowers to my place of work. It was fine. What is it with you and fruit? How was the show? X”

“Sounds like you have an admirer. Fruits good! Nothing wrong with being healthy darling. It was fun! But I couldn't stop thinking about this girl I met recently, she text me right before I went on stage, and all I could think about for most of the show was how much I wished she was there with me H x”

My heart gives a little flutter of delight as I read his message. He's always so open about how he is feeling its refreshing to not have a man playing games and trying to be mysterious. 

“I wish I was there too. Going to bed now. Goodnight xx”

“Just say the word and I'll book you a flight. Sleep sweet H x”

I can't help watching the next video that the auto play on YouTube offers me, Harry is standing on a carpeted area of a stage, all alone, guitar in hand. Playing an acoustic version of his song, Two Ghosts, its just him, in a white shirt and black trousers, no big production, no band, but its mesmerising. The audience is silent as he performs, hanging on his every word and seeming just as taken with him as I am right now. I set the video to loop and pull on his t-shirt, which I've taken to sleeping in, and curl up in bed, letting his calming voice lull me off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

“Mel have you seen my car keys??“ I yell out to her from the kitchen. Shit shit shit. It's Saturday morning and I have to be at work in.. 13 minutes to open the pub and for the life of me I cannot remember where the hell I've left them. 

“MEL!“ I call again

“What?“ She asks from directly behind me, making me jump. 

“Jesus, I thought you were upstairs. Have you seen my car keys? I'm SO late and I can't fucking find them.“ I ask as I continue to move piles of letters and magazines around on the coffee table hoping that my keys will mysteriously appear even though I've already checked here twice in the last ten minutes. 

“Have you checked your bag?“ 

“Of course I have I remember having them in my hand last night when I … shit.“

“When you what??“ 

“When I picked up my bag off the passenger seat of the car... I put the keys down next to it. Shit.“ I say again and sprint towards the front door. Mel follows me in a daze and stands watching as I stare in horror through the car window. 

“Seriously? Again?“ She says laughing. I should be insulted, but as this is the third time in the last year and half that I've managed to lock the damn keys in the car, I really don't have a leg to stand on. 

“I'll get the coat hangar.“ She says turning back towards the flat. 

“Can you grab my phone as well? I better call Mark“. 

By the time she returns I am feeling all kinds of stupid, I quickly call Mark and explain what I've done and thankfully he says he can open up for me so that I can try and sort the car out, there's plenty of cover today so I'm not to worry if I can't make it in. Which is nice of him, but I really could use the money, especially as its probably going to cost me a small fortune to break in to my own car. I start attempting to bend the metal coat hanger in to more of a helpful shape before Mel gets frustrated and comes and takes it out of my hand. 

“You have the upper body strength of a toddler.“ She chastises me playfully. “I've got to get going, got this college outing today, you going to be ok?“ She asks Handing me back the now straight hangar. 

“Sure, I'll be fine. Thank you. Text me later?“ I call as she starts to head down the street. 

I try in vain to force it down the side of the window and reach the door handle, but soon realise all I am actually doing is ruining the rubber seal that runs around the window frame. Cursing loudly I step back and flop down on to the curb and put my head in my hands. I stay that way for a couple of minutes, trying to pull myself together when suddenly a shadow crosses in front of me and I look up. 

“Hey pretty girl.“ 

“Harry!!!“ I exclaim, jumping of the curb so fast that I lose my footing and he has to reach out an arm to steady me before I fall head first in to my car. “What are you doing here? Aren't you meant to be in Italy? I thought you weren't due back until tomorrow.“

 

“I got an earlier flight, my shows were all done and, well I just wanted to see you.“ He says warily, I think he's trying to gauge my reaction to his sudden unexpected appearance outside my flat when I hadn't even agreed to see him again at all. 

He looks effortlessly beautiful in ripped black jeans and a beige jumper, I run my hands through my own hair feeling, as always, that I am no where near pretty enough to deserve the look in his eyes as he stares deeply in to mine. 

I don't know how it happens, who instigates it, or if either of us even consciously decided to move at all, but before I know it, his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist, pressing me close to him so that I can feel every inch of his toned body pressed up against mine. His face is buried in my hair and I can hear him inhaling deeply. My arms are around his neck and I realise that my feet have completely left the floor, he is holding me a few inches above the ground with his strong arms. All at once all the concerns I have about being a part of his world vanish in to thin air. I place my feet back on the ground slowly and gaze up at him, searching his eyes... he came home early, for me? I reach up on my tiptoes to press my lips against his and the fire between us ignites again, will it always be like this? I wonder before his tongue slips through my parted lips and all thoughts are banished from my mind. 

“Get a room!“ I hear a group of teens shout as they ride past us on their bikes. I break away from Harry, giggling and trying to catch my breath and regain some composure. 

“God I missed you.“ He says planting a small chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth. He steps back to a more suitable-in-public-distance and bites his lower lip, the action sends an ache shooting down from somewhere in my stomach to the long neglected parts of my body. 

“I missed you too.“ I admit shyly. “And you have excellent timing.. I don't suppose any of your pre one direction youth was spent breaking in to cars?“ I nod towards my bright yellow 2004 Peugeot next to us. 

“Erm, I've made my way in to a couple of venues without strictly having the keys.. but cars? afraid not.. why?“ He asks raising an eyebrow in confusion. 

“I seem to have locked my keys in my car“ I admit sheepishly, looking down at my feet. Before I have chance to explain any further Harry's barking laugh erupts from his mouth, no doubt disturbing my neighbours as it echo's down the long empty road. I can't help the bubble of laughter that escapes my mouth in response, his laugh is infectious. We stand giggling on the side of the road for several minutes before either one of us can manage to speak again. 

“I can give you a ride? Do you have somewhere you need to be?“ Harry asks me

“it's ok, I was meant to be at work half an hour ago, but my boss got my shift covered.“ I reply

Harry holds out his hand to me and starts to lead me back down the pathway to my front door. “It sounds like I got lucky then, as now you have nothing better to do than spend the day with me.“ He says casually as we reach the front door. “May I come in?“


	19. Chapter 19

Harry holds the door open for me as we enter my flat, I realise its the first time he's been here and am suddenly very self conscious about our tiny, run down home. I lead him in to the kitchen and offer to make him a coffee. As I pop the kettle on its stand and flick down the button, I suddenly see out of the corner of my eye, an over loaded clothes horse in the corner of the room and bolt towards it. Hastily I grab a pair of my knickers and a bra that are on full view and hide them under a towel. Mortified I turn back to him and see the ghost of a smirk crossing his lips. 

“Something I shouldn't see?“ He teases me, craning his neck to try and see behind my back 

“I don't think I want the first time you see my underwear to be on a clothes rack.“ I reply without thinking, then clap my hand over my mouth when I realise the words I've let escape it. Smooth Katie, really smooth. I can feel the heat rising in to my cheeks and struggle to find something, anything to say to him to hide my embarrassment. Thankfully at that moment the kettle clicks, signalling it has finished boiling, so I can busy myself making his coffee. 

“Milk?“ 

“Black is good thanks. Matches the underwear...“ he winks

Shit!! so much for managing to hide it from him. I hand him his coffee and take a seat at the old, scratched wooden kitchen table for two that is all Mel and I can fit in to our tiny kitchen. He must decide to take pity on me as he changes the subject. 

“No Mel?“ He asks, glancing over his shoulder in to the deserted hallway

“No, she's got some college thing today. She'll stumble back in in the early hours of the morning at a guess“. 

“I've got you all to myself?“ He smirks at me again and I feel his leg brush up against mine under the table. I suppress a shudder of delight at his touch but I'm sure he can tell the affect he is having on me. 

“It seems so. You flew all this way to see me.. did you have any thoughts on what you might like to do once you got here?“ I try and keep my voice even as I respond, not wanting to put my big feet in my mouth again I choose my words carefully. 

“I had a lot of thoughts, all I've thought about for the last week is all the things I'd love to do to you.“ He replies in a deep, husky voice. He reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, running the back of his hand down my jaw deliciously slowly as he does so, his cool rings making my skin tingle. 

I swallow heavily, trying to gulp down the desire that's building inside of me. I can feel my body arching towards him as we sit at right angles from one and other in the confined space. He closes the small gap between us and kisses me tenderly on the lips. 

“How about we start with a tour? I showed you my home, time to return to favour.“ He stands up from the table and stretches his hand out towards me. 

It doesn't take me long to show Harry around the flat, kitchen, living room, master bath, Mel's door is closed and respecting her privacy, I don't take him in there, but lead him down the hall to mine instead, pausing at the open door and sending up a silent prayer to whatever deity reminded me to make my bed this morning. 

“And this is my room.“ I say as I walk through the door. I gesture around me pointing out the various, and rather obvious, features. “Wardrobe, Bed, en suite is through there. It's not as glamorous as your house I'm afraid, but its home.“ My laptop is open on the small dressing table in the corner and I see Harry eyeing it. 

“Music?“ He asks, making his way towards it slowly

“Erm, sure. Itunes is probably already open.“ I say, suddenly trying to remember what I was listening to before my failed attempt to go to work this morning, nothing embarrassing I hope. Harry's long fingers work over the mouse pad and the screen comes to life he hits play on the already open program and the sounds of Ed Sheeran's Give me love start to fill the room. 

Sick. Ed's a genius 

“I love his music“ I respond 

“As much as you love mine?“ Harry asks, eyebrows raised as if challenging me 

“Hmm..“ I tease him. “It's certainly a very close call.. I might have to give the edge to Ed.“

“Ouch. Careful darling, I'm a narcissist, I told you before, my fragile ego can only take so much..“ he shoots back at me, giving me his best wounded puppy look. He perches down on the edge of my black and red bedspread and leans back on his long muscular arms. Harry Styles is sat on my bed, and for once, I don't feel any nervous laughter bubbling up in my throat. The sight of him there is making me want to do things I've not felt the desire to do for a long time. Slowly, deliberately, I walk towards him trying to build my courage with each step, and lean down to kiss his soft, plump lips. His strong hands gently grasp either side of my face, drawing our mouths closer together as the kiss deepens and I feel the fire rising up in me the same way I do every time our lips meet. Without thinking, I climb on to his lap and straddle him, resting my weight on my knees, I thrust my hands in to his hair and tug gently and am rewarded by a low moan escaping his throat. Playfully he bites my bottom lip with his perfect white teeth 

“Careful you don't un-man me baby,“ he says softly in to my ear as he moves his lips to my neck and nips and sucks his way gently around the soft flesh. I arch my back in pleasure at the exquisite feeling, my hips buck up in contrast and push against the tight bulge in his jeans, even through the thin fabric separating us I can feel his excitement. I run my hands down his arms to the hem of his jumper and slowly run my fingers beneath it, feeling his toned, bare belly harden at my touch. Harry pulls back momentarily and in one swift movement, he pulls his jumper and the T-shirt under it up and over his head and tosses them to one side, exposing his lean chest to me for the first time. I gaze down at him in wonder, tracing my fingers lightly over the large butterfly tattoo in the centre of his slightly tanned body, moving my fingers up across the two swallows on each side of his collarbone, and reading the small dates etched above them in black ink. His hands are under my shirt resting against my bare back as he returns his lips to mine for another spine tingling kiss. I reach down and start to fumble with the buttons on my work shirt, my nervous fingers slipping until I feel his strong ones around mine, steadying me. 

As a new song starts to play, filling the air with the sounds of James Bay, 

“From walking home and taking loads  
to seeing shows in evening clothes with you  
from nervous touch and getting drunk  
to staying up and waking up with you.“ 

Harry leans back on his arms and stares up at me from the bed. 

“I haven't felt like this in a long time.“ He says in a quiet, deep voice. “I'm so glad you didn't run. I I know its not been very long, but.. well, I, erm. I really do care about you.“

I smile down in to his beautiful face and see utter sincerity there, realising suddenly how glad I am that he's here, he has me completely under his spell, right now there is no where in the world I would rather be

“I care about you too, more than I probably should.“ I admit. 

He watches me intently as I slip my shirt from my shoulders. Exposing the white lace bra beneath. The tops of my breasts are heaving rapidly in time with my quick, heavy breathing and I see his tongue flick out and run across his lower lip. Fuck, the look in his eyes makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and gives me confidence. I push him down on to the bed and lay myself down on top of him, our bare skin pressed together, the thin lace of my bra the only barrier between us. I kiss him with abandonment. Letting all my worries flow out of my mind and enjoying every moment of our bodies pressed together.

Suddenly, he grabs me around the waist with one arm and flips me on to my back, reversing our positions and taking control in one lithe movement. His lips leave mine and start to work there way down my neck, to my collarbone and tantalisingly slowly, down to the tops of my breasts. I hear a quiet whimper escape me as his hand moves up to cup me and gently squeeze and fondle my chest. He looks up in my eyes and whispers, 

“Is this ok? Please tell me if I'm overstepping the mark.“ 

“Don't stop.“ I plead, begging him further with my eyes, and he smiles, dimples appearing in his cheeks before he returns his attention to my body. His thumb slips delicately under the lace of my bra and brushes against my nipple, causing it to harden further and me to raise my hips up towards his groin, I run my hands through his hair and look down at this perfect specimen of a man between my thighs. Thank god I didn't end run I think, and suppress a small laugh. Harry deftly undoes my bra with his right hand, exposing my breasts to the warm air surrounding us, as he throws it aside, he reaches down and unbuttons his jeans, letting out a deep sigh of relief. 

“Things were getting tight down there. I'm not trying to push.“ He offers in explanation of my quizzical look, and rolls on to his side on the bed next to me. I turn to face him and gingerly run my hand down his chest, over his belly, and follow the trail of dark hair down to the waistband of his boxers, sliding my hand inside them and wrapping my fingers around my target, slightly alarmed by how very large and thick it feels in my small hand. He lets out a groan as his lips find my nipple and suck hard. 

He looks in to my eyes and without having to say a word, we both know we can't stand this much longer. He jumps up and removes his jeans the rest of the way, standing in front of me in just his boxers, he drops to his knees and slowly helps to slide mine down and off of my legs, nipping and sucking at my soft flesh with his teeth as he pulls them down to my ankles. Suddenly I am very aware that I don't have a condom and sit up to face him. 

“Do you have any.. protection?“ I ask him

“Shit. No“. He responds looking crestfallen. 

I'll be right back. I say and squirm around him to get off the bed, I don't get more than two steps before he grabs me and pulls me back in to his embrace for a long deep kiss. My legs tremble as I make my way to the main bathroom. Remembering a box of condoms I had seen tucked in to the top drawer of the cabinet under the sink. I grab the box and retrieve a condom, Thank you Mel I say quietly to myself.. As I stand I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and take a moment to steady myself. Am you really ready for this? I ask my reflection. In response an image of Harry laughing springs in to my mind, yes I think. I am. Taking one last deep breath I head back in to the bedroom and the moment my eyes meet his again I know I am making the right choice. 

As we fall on to the bed together I tug at Harry's boxers, finally releasing the animal in side them, I can't help the gasp that escapes my throat as I catch sight of his full length. I hand him the condom shyly. 

“It's been a long time since I've done this..“ 

“Are you sure you want to? We can stop.. we have plenty of time.“ He replies stilling for a moment. 

“I'm sure“ I breathe back at him. I want this. I need this. 

“Don't worry baby, I won't hurt you“ he replies, and it's as if he can read my mind and knows that this is exactly what I need to hear right now, although he is probably thinking physically rather than emotionally. 

Harry stands and slowly removes my underwear, his fingers leaving behind a trail of burning fire on my skin as they snake down my legs. As he glides the condom down his long length. I can't help but stare in awe at his naked form and suck in a deep breath as he climbs on top of me and pushes my thighs apart with his own. He leans down slowly, staring deep in to my eyes and kisses me softly, never breaking eye contact as his smooth, silky length slides inside me, filling me. I can't control the noise that escapes me, its somewhere between a moan and a prayer as I feel him start to move, building up speed. I raise my hips to meet his every move and already I can feel my body climbing. He consumes me utterly, filling me deeper with every thrust and making me cry out.

“You. Are. So. Beautiful“. He says punctuating each word with a kiss to my lips, neck, collarbone, gazing down at me with a hunger in his eyes so carnal that it shouldn't be legal, spurring me on, my desire builds and I can feel the tightening sensation of my muscles as I move towards my climax, we start to move faster and deeper, our hips rocking together in perfect unison, panting and groaning, I don't even know which one of us is making which sounds any more, we are so closely entwined. 

“Let go baby“. He coos in to my ear in his deep husky voice. My nails dig in to the soft flesh of his back and he holds himself above me, he thrusts once more, somehow, impossibly, filling me even deeper. And I cry out in ecstasy as I climax around him. He follows me moments later. His body collapsing on top of mine as he lets out a deep groan.


	20. Chapter 20

As Harry disappears in to the bathroom, I roll on to my stomach and pull the duvet across myself to cover my nakedness, suddenly self conscious, I shake my head in disbelief. Did that really just happen?

I feel the bed depress slightly as Harry returns, he positions himself up against the pillows and I notice that he has pulled his boxers back on, seems I'm not the only one who's a little shy now. I reach for my inhaler and take a puff, trying to steady my breathing as he strokes his fingers lazily across my shoulder

“Nice tattoo.“ He says, breaking the silence between us. 

Realising he is referring to the rose on my shoulder I move slightly to give him a clearer view. “Thank you, I always forget that one is there, I say. Given that I rarely have reason to look at my own shoulder.“ 

“Do you have many others? I saw there's something written on your ankle.“. He says with a questioning look. 

“It's the date of when I had the big asthma attack, its there to remind me what I have survived.“ I reply. Wanting to change the subject I add,“ I also have a “tramp stamp” on my lower back, although when I got it they weren't referred to as that hehe“ I giggle.

“Can I see?“ He requests a smile on the edge of his lips, touching his fingers to the edge of the duvet and awaiting my permission to pull it down my back. 

“Sure.“ I feel the coolness of his finger tips tracing the outlines of the wide tribal design etched above my buttocks and shiver slightly at his touch. 

“Sexy! Maybe one day you'll let me tattoo you, add to your collection?“ 

I can't help the look of horror that breaks out across my face which in turn makes him burst out laughing. 

“As in you with the gun??“ I eventually respond. 

“Yeah! Why? don't you trust me?“ He bats his eyelashes at me

“The butter wouldn't melt look might work better if you weren't half naked in my bed after ravaging me Harry. For now I think I'll stick to the professionals.“ 

I notice him squirming slightly on the bed, looking uncomfortable and wonder if I have offended him, but then he reaches his hand under the duvet to retrieve a mess of balled up white fabric. 

“I wondered what I was sitting on!“ He starts to unfold the fabric at the same moment as I realise what it is, I try to steal it away from him but he's too fast for me and pulls it out of my reach before I have the chance. I can feel the heat entering my cheeks as he holds up the now unfolded Kiss T-shirt that he gave me after our first night together. 

“I've been sleeping in it,“ I admit shyly lowering my eyes. 

“Aww, aren't you just the cutest!“ He says in a babyish voice, teasing me. 

“Hmph. Give it back.“ 

He examines the t-shirt for a minute, seeming to mull over whether or not to return it to me, but relents and tosses it so that it hits me softly in the chest. I grab it and pull it over my head. “It's comfy.“ I defend myself with a scowl.

“Can I make a little confession?“ He asks

“Please do! Especially if it's embarrassing“ I giggle back at him. 

“The night you, erm, when you didn't come back to my house that night. I slept in the guest bedroom because the pillow smelled like you“ He looks straight in to my eyes as his says this, no trace of embarrassment at all. 

“That's not fair.“ I reply solemnly.“ I can't laugh at you for something so sweet“ I reach up and kiss the tip of his nose lightly making him squirm away from me. 

“That tickled!“ He complains as he frantically rubs the end of his nose. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened that night? You seemed ok when I left you, but then you just took off. Mel said Jeff upset you..“

“Yeah well, being accused of orchestrating that photo so that I could sell my story to the papers, like I'm some kind of whore was fairly upsetting.“ I say quickly, looking in to his eyes so I can judge his reaction to this. 

“He said WHAT? Mel didn't tell me that!! She said he'd implied you were just one of many, which you aren't by the way! At all! I actually haven't dated anyone in a while, but THAT part she left out.“ 

“It's awkward for her, I'm her best friend Harry, she's not going to tell you everything we discuss, there's a code.“ 

“Yes but still. For fucks sake! How fucking dare he“. Harry jumps to his feet and picks up his jeans, searching the pockets until he pulls out his phone. 

“Not now Harry, please.“ I plead with him. “It wasn't just Jeff I begin quickly, the day after I went on Twitter and I saw what people were saying about me, and then there were these articles in the papers, and it was all just too much. I didn't know how this could possibly ever work.“ I look down at his feet on my old cream carpet and notice idly that he seems to have the word 'big' tattooed on to one of his toes.“ I still don't“. I finish in a low voice. 

“Hey, hey“, he starts to walk back towards the bed and sits down next to me wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “You shouldn't read that shit Katie, its just people mouthing off behind a screen. I don't think they realise that the person they are speaking about might ever actually read it. And as for the articles.. it happens, but we'll just have to be a little more careful next time. That's all.“

“There is going to be a next time then?“ I say looking up at him. He blanches. 

“Of course there is! I mean, erm, if you want there to be. I didn't just make love to you with the intention of walking straight out the door again Katie. I really like you, I told you that.“ 

“I really like you too.“ I say

We while away the rest of the afternoon lying on my bed, listening to music and learning about each other. We talk about everything, anything, Harry examines my music collection and downloads a few of his favourite albums on to my computer, instructing me to listen to them. And I in turn suggest a couple of artists he should check out. We order a pizza, which I make sure to pay for online with my card before Harry can attempt to object, and we enjoy getting to know each other. 

In the dream I can hear people shouting, poking and prodding at me with various instruments and calling my name. But I can't move or find my voice to answer them. I am parallelized. The dream shifts and I can hear my sister talking to me, trying to soothe me, her fingers are stroking my throat as a nurse tries to force a long tube back down my nose. Someone is holding down my limbs to the bed I am laying on, trying to keep me still as I thrash. I cry and gag, trying to beg her to stop but unable to form the words, all that escapes my lips is a strangled scream. 

“Katie? Wake up Katie..“ Harry's voice breaks through the haze

As I open my eyes I feel the tears slide over my cheeks and try to brush them away before he can see, but I already know its too late. 

“Bad dream?“ He asks quietly 

I don't answer him, I can't explain that this has happened every night for the last two years, that I re-live what happened in that hospital in my dreams. So instead I crawl into his lap as he pulls himself in to a sitting position and snuggle myself in to his chest, my head underneath his chin. I feel around under the pillow for my inhaler and try to steady my breathing. I'm not sure how long we stay like that for, we don't speak for a long time, he just holds me tightly, reassuringly and starts to sing in a low calming voice. 

“I wanna write you a song  
One as beautiful as you are sweet  
With just a hint of pain  
For the feeling that I get when you are gone  
I wanna write you a song

I wanna lend you my coat  
One that's as soft as your cheek  
So when the world is cold  
You'll have a hiding place you can go  
I wanna lend you my coat

Ooh, everything I need I get from you  
Ooh, givin' back is all I wanna do

I wanna build you a boat  
One as strong as you are free  
So any time you think that your heart is gonna sink  
You know it won't  
I wanna build you a boat

Ooh, everything I need I get from you  
Ooh, givin' back is all I wanna do

Ooh, everything I need I get from you  
Ooh, givin' back is all I wanna do

I wanna write you a song  
One to make your heart remember me  
So any time I'm gone  
You can listen to my voice and sing along  
I wanna write you a song  
I wanna write you a song“ 

I let the words wash over me as he sings and feel his chest rise and fall against me, I try to match his deep breaths with my own. The combination of his voice and the soothing melody helps to calm my racing heart. 

“That was beautiful, thank you“ I say, looking up at him. “Did you write that?“ 

“Na, it's an album track from the last record I made with the boys. Are you ok?“ In the dim light of the room I can see his eyes are full of concern. 

“I am now.“ I respond and stretch myself up to kiss him, feeling safer than I can remember feeling in a long time. 

I wake early the next morning, the sun is only just beginning to shine through the curtains, but I feel like I am on fire. Groggily, I open my eyes and look around the room. It doesn't take me long to discover the source of the heat. I am curled up facing Harry's chest, he has an arm and a leg thrown over me and it feels like I've crawled in to an oven. I gently manage to escape his grasp and head to the kitchen to start breakfast. It doesn't take long for Harry to come and find me. 

“Morning darling. He says kissing the top of my head. Hmm I like being able to say that in person instead of by text.“ 

“Good morning, I made you breakfast.“ I point to the table which is slightly bending under the weight of all the different varieties of food piled on top. “I may have gone a little overboard.“. I say laughing as I catch sight of it. 

“Unless you're expecting a small country to turn up, erm, yeah I think you might have. Looks wonderful though. Thank you.“ He smiles back. 

“Katie? Is that breakfast I can smell?“ Mel shouts down the hallway. 

“Yep! It's ready when you are!“ I call back. 

“Erm, does she know I'm here?“ Harry asks

“I don't think so, why? Are you so scary in the mornings that she's gonna need to be warned in advance?“ I tease him

He laughs back at me, “I hope not. You tell me!“ 

“I may only have limited knowledge, having only experienced morning Harry twice now, but I'd say... you're bearable. I've been around much worse.“ 

“Cheeky! I'll be even better once I've had some coffee“ He replies and takes the plate from my outstretched hand and starts to examine the food whilst I put the kettle on. 

“Katie, next time I say I am going to go drinking, just kill me ok? I can't do another hangover like..“ Mel's voice stops abruptly as she enters the kitchen and spots Harry. “Well well well. I leave you alone for one day and you invite strange superstar stalkers in to our home? Katie Francis I am shocked. Shocked I tell you.“ She says in mock horror

“If you'd like I can just kill you now?“ I say dryly. Play nice or I won't let you have any breakfast.

“Strange superstar stalker? Is that my full name then?“ Harry interrupts 

“Hasn't she told you your pet name? Damn!“ She exclaims as she catches sight of the food,“ I see how it is, when its just you and me I get a few pancakes, but when Harry comes knocking you break out the big guns? I'm not feeling the love.“ She looks at me sulkily and sticks out her bottom lip in a pout. 

“Good morning to you too Mel,“ Harry sarcastically says between mouthfuls of fruit

“Morning yes. Whether or not it is a good one has yet to be determined. I need tea“. 

I hand Mel a steaming cup and start helping myself to breakfast, as she launches in to story after story about her nights antics. 

“That's where things get a little fuzzy though.. she trails off. But at least I woke up in my own bed alone! Maybe I'm growing up.“ 

Harry's booming laugh fills the kitchen as he replies. “Does that mean we're getting younger then? Cos I gotta say, I'm ok with that.“ He saunters to the sink and place his plate in it. “Ok if I grab a shower?“ He asks me. 

“Of course, there are clean towels in the linen closet.“ He kisses my cheek lightly and thanks me for the food before he makes his way out of the room. As my eyes find Mel's I can see the hundred questions she has lined up for me and quickly put my fingers to my lips, not wanting Harry to hear the grilling I'm about to get. When we finally hear the door close Mel pounces on me. 

“Harry's here? I thought he wasn't flying back until tomorrow? I thought you weren't sure about seeing him again? And he's been here all night? Where did he sleep?“ 

“Haha! That is a lot of questions first thing in the morning! He just turned up yesterday, a little while after you left. He got an earlier flight.“ 

“AND?“ Mel's patience is fast running out

“And I am glad that he did.“ I say and turn to start the dishes prolonging her annoyance. 

“Oh no you don't, no way are you getting off that easily!! Did you sleep with him?“ She pushes

“Maybe.“ I admit shyly. 

“KATIE! Oh my god! I feel like I should open some champagne! What made you change your mind about him?“ 

“I don't know, I just looked up and there he was, and I realised I'd not been so happy to see someone in.. well I don't think I've ever been that happy to see someone.“ I admit. “Then one thing just lead to another.“ 

“Thank god you finally realised you like him. You've been driving me mad this week trying to make out like you didn't.“ 

“I always knew I liked him!“ I reply defensively. “I just didn't know if I liked him enough to deal with everything that comes with him being him and I didn't want to be a one night stand. But, the roses, and his messages, and just the fact that he flew back early to see me, it's hard not to be swayed by all that stuff.“ 

“Wow. You slept with Harry fucking Styles. Harry Fucking Styles is showering in our flat right now.“ 

“Yes, yes he is, but if you keep shouting like that I will take him out of here and we'll go to his place. So calm yourself!“ I chastise her playfully and start to walk towards the doorway to go and get myself showered and dressed I turn back quickly to add to Mel

“Oh and by the way? You're out of condoms.“ I wink at her and turn out of the kitchen, giggling at the shocked expression on her face.


	21. Chapter 21

I can hear Harry talking on the phone quietly as I approach my bedroom door and wonder if I should wait and let him finish before I go in as I don't want to interrupt. 

“Lou have I told you lately how much I love you? I hear him say. You're an angel. Yeah Toby has the address, see you later.“ 

“You know, some women might be a little bit concerned to hear the man they've just spend the night with telling another woman he loves her the very next morning...“ I say as I enter the room, trying to look annoyed. 

“Har Har. It was just Lou, I asked her to pack up some clothes for me. Toby's going to drop them by later.“ 

“Oh is he now, and what do you need clothes for Mr Styles? Did I forget that I invited you to stay longer?“ I lean against the door way and fold my arms across my chest, continuing to tease him.

“I might have pre-empted you just a little.. but I'm sure you were going to ask right? If the clothes bother you, I can just walk around naked, I'm sure Mel would get a kick out of that..“ He shoots back, walking slowly towards me, his big eyes staring down in to mine. I attempt to keep up my act but as he tugs my arms apart and pulls them around his waist, I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. 

“No nudity in front of Mel thank you, I think I'd rather be the only one in this flat getting to enjoy that. You can stay, for tonight. But tomorrow I have to work, so you'll have to return to your mansion. I'm sure it'll be horrible for you.“

“We'll see.“ He says with a wink and bends his head to kiss me, he lingers a little longer than I would have expected, his fingers stroking my lower back. By the time he breaks away I am dizzy, I think I may have forgotten to keep breathing during that one. 

“Don't think I don't know what you're up to, you may well be an excellent kisser, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you sit around here until your tour starts up again. Where are you headed next? “

“Excellent kisser huh? Good to know.“ He winks at me. “Next stop is Singapore, the show is on the 23rd, but I fly out on the 21st. Then I have Sydney, Melbourne and Auckland. Then the VS show, then two nights in Tokyo which end the tour.“ He checks off the locations on his fingers casually as if flying to the other side of the world is something everyone does all the time. 

“Wow. That's a lot of shows, a long way away. What's the VS show?“ 

“Victoria secret fashion show, its in Shanghai this year and they've invited me to perform.“ 

“Sooo you are going to go to China, to sing whilst the most beautiful women in the world walk around you in their underwear??“ 

“Baby, it's not like that.” He says pulling me to sit down on the bed next to him gently. It's a show, its great publicity and, well its my job.“ 

“I know.“ I pout staring down at my feet. “It's just, according to the tabloids, you've slept with half the Victoria secret angels already...“ 

“Don't believe everything you read. Cliche I know, but true. If we're going to do this, you're going to have to learn to trust me.“ He says quietly 

“I'll see what I can do about that. But no promises. I'm not the most trusting of people I'm afraid.“ 

“The only woman I want to sleep with is right here in this room.“ 

I feel a finger slip under my chin as he pushes my head up to look at him and continues, 

“Now! erm, do you think it might be ok if, instead of talking about rubbish in the papers, we make use of this big soft bed?“ As he moves his lips down my throat I want nothing more than to allow him to reassure me that I'm the one he wants, but there's just one problem. 

“We're out of condoms.“ I say, pulling back from him. “It seems I've got to learn to trust, and we're both going to have to learn some patience.“ I giggle and get up from the bed, making my way to the en suite as Harry throws one arm over his face dramatically and flops backwards on to the bed. 

“I'm so hard done by“ I hear him complain as I close the bathroom door. 

We spend the rest of the day nestled in our own little private bubble in my small bedroom. The time passes in a blur of laughter and conversation until Mel appears in the doorway pouting. 

“I'm so bored!“ She exclaims, flopping herself face down on to the foot of my bed and narrowly missing Harry's feet, which he manages to pull out of the way just in time. “You're neglecting me.“ She adds. 

“Aww I'm sorry Mel, I didn't mean to steal Katie away from you. How bout we all go grab something to eat?“ I'm starving. Harry replies

I glance up at him in alarm, “As in go out, in public, together? That didn't work so well for us last time.. “

“We'll go somewhere quiet. And I'll keep my head down. It'll be fine. Trust me.“ He says kissing my forehead and jumping off the bed. 

I want to persist with my argument, but at that moment my stomach rumbles loudly and gives away my hunger so I give in. 

“Fine!“ Where should we go? 

Half hour later we're sat in a booth at the back of a quiet little pub in the middle of the Surrey countryside. Only three other tables are occupied, and all by older people so I try and convince myself that we'll be safe here at least. Harry is at the bar ordering our drinks and I can see him taking a call on his phone whilst he waits, when he comes back over to us he has a huge smile on his face. 

“Do you mind if my mate joins us for dinner?“ He asks Mel and I

“Sure! The more the merrier.“ Mel replies, “but after we've eaten can we PLEASE go somewhere where the average age is under 50? I feel like a naughty child sat in the back of this place.“ 

Harry starts to laugh but I interrupt them. 

“Who's coming to dinner?“

“Just a friend.“ Harry replies as he scoots in to the booth next to me. He only lives down the road, he'll be here in a few minutes. “What are you girls going to order?“ 

I am disturbed from reading the menu by a loud voice coming from behind the bar. 

“It's good to see you mate! Real good. What can I get you? On the house.“ 

I glance up to see the bar man, a balding man in his early 60's I'd guess, fawning over the patron that's just arrived. I guess he must know the guy I reason and turn back to the menu. 

“Harry!“ I hear a cheerful voice call and the man from the bar waves over at us. He is wearing a cap pulled down low, too low for me to see his face, a hoody and jeans. Harry stands and embraces the man as he reaches our table, as they separate I gasp as Mel loudly exclaims. 

“No fucking way. You're Ed Sheeran!“ And jumps out of her seat quicker than I think I've ever seen her move before. 

“Last time I checked yeah“ He replies, not satisfied with this Mel throws her arms around him. As she slowly retreats she mumbles, “Sorry, just checking I'm not hallucinating“ and pats his arm. 

Harry laughs loudly, “Ed, this is Mel and Katie. Katie, Mel – Ed.“ He gestures to each of us in turn as he makes the introductions. 

“Nice to meet you girls.“ Ed says and slides in to the booth next to Mel. “Nice place this isn't it? Quiet, I come here a fair bit.“ 

I am completely and utterly stunned. My brain and my mouth seem to have forgotten how to communicate with each other as every song of Ed's I've ever heard starts playing in my head like a montage. I feel Harry sit back down next to me and put his hand on my thigh but I can't stop staring, open mouthed at Ed. In the end, Mel reaches over and forcefully pushes my lower jaw back up to close it for me in between peels of laughter. 

“You'll have to excuse our Katie, she's not so good with the words when she meets celebs. Remember how many times you had to offer her a drink before she heard you at the concert Harry?“ 

“I'm..“ I stutter and try and start again. “I mean, you're..“ 

“See? Proper wordsmith this one. Ed, wanna help me order the food? The barman seems to like you.“ She asks. Ed nods at her and they both stand and make there way over to the bar, Harry and I having already discussed with her what we are going to have. 

“You ok?“ Harry asks me quietly

“Do you mind if my mate joins us for dinner? Your 'mate' couldn't have given me a little more warning? I ask him seemingly having located my voice since Ed left the table. Is that why you picked this place? Cos Ed comes here a lot?“ 

“You said you loved his music more than mine.. I thought it would be a nice surprise. And yeah, Ed's bought me here before so I knew it would be an ok place for us to come. I didn't know if he was home till I called him when I was getting the drinks though. Are you mad?“ 

I sign deeply and try and steady myself. “No Harry, I'm not mad at you. Just.. overwhelmed I guess. Being out in public with you is scary, but two superstars in one place.. it's a lot that's all.“

“We're normal guys too Katie, and with the tour, I haven't seen Ed in ages.“ I look up to see Harrys crestfallen expression and immediately feel guilty. Of course he should call his friend when he's at a pub near his house. I am over reacting. 

I rest my hand on top of his on my thigh and start to apologise. I'm sorry, It's absolutely fine, honestly. I am completely over reacted. Of course you are always welcome to invite your friends. I lean over and kiss him lightly on the cheek just as Ed and Mel return. 

“Oi oi!“ Ed jokes as they take their seats. “Something you've forgotten to tell me Hazza?“ 

 

As I feel the heat rising in my cheeks I turn and bury my face in Harry's shoulder, lifting the colour of the soft blue shirt he's wearing to cover myself. 

Miraculously, by the time our meals arrived I have managed to forget that I am dining with two of the countries most famous faces, Mel, as always, mostly keeps the conversation going, although Harry and Ed do spend a bit of time chatting about their respective tours, apparently Ed recently had an accident and broke his arm so had to cancel a couple of shows. Harry spends some time consoling him about this and seems to make him feel a little better. 

Almost the moment that the friendly barman clears away our plates Mel starts harassing the boys about where we're going afterwards. 

“Come on! We can't spend all night sat in here, I need some fun!“ She complains. 

“I thought you said you were done with big nights after yesterday?“ I remind her

“That was this morning! I've come to terms with the fact that this is who I am now.“ She laughs back. “C'mon.. two megastars like you lovely boys MUST have somewhere fun we can go.. plllleeeasse.“ She adds, batting her eyelids at Harry who can't manage to keep a straight face any more, but it's Ed who answers her. 

“Actually, a friend of mine did say he was having a bit of a get together this evening at his place. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we popped over. Let me give him a call.“ He stands and walks out of the pub pulling his phone from his pocket as he goes. 

“Friend?“ I ask Harry, raising my eyebrows at him. 

“Don't look at me, I've got no idea who he's calling.“ He shrugs

A few minutes later Ed reappears, “all sorted. His place is about 15 minutes drive away. I've ordered a cab.“ 

“Erm, who's house are we going to?“ I ask him

“My mate Chris, he's a musician, but hopefully he won't render you quite so speechless as Harry and I managed to“ Ed winks back at me. 

“Will I know who he is?“ I press him for more information. 

“He's the bassist for Muse.“ Ed answers me

“Oh, well I know who they are, but yeah that's not too scary.“ 

Harry and Ed laugh as we stand and Harry helps me in to my coat. 

“I'll protect you“ Harry says through his laughter.


	22. chapter 22

Thankfully the get together at Chris' seems fairly laid back and there aren't any too famous faces to be intimidated by, although I get the impression some of the guys there are probably musicians in other bands, I don't recognise any of them except for Olly Murs who I know a little bit about and he is so charming and easy to talk to that I soon find myself at ease with him. We spend the early part of the evening chatting to various people whilst music plays in the background. As the evening wears on I remind Harry that I need to work in the morning. 

“I'll get you back in plenty of time don't worry.“ He says, he is slightly flushed from several beers but seems to be enjoying himself and I don't want to drag him away so I settle myself in to the sofa next to him. Ed appears, guitar in hand and perches on the arm next to me. 

“Gonna play something?“ Harry asks

My eyes light up and I look to Ed. “Oooh yes, please play!“ I plead

It seems he doesn't require any more encouragement than that as he launches in to an acoustic version of his recent hit Shape of you and a few people start to dance in the large living room. 

“The club isn't the best place to find a lover  
So the bar is where I go  
Me and my friends at the table doing shots  
Drinking fast and then we talk slow  
Come over and start up a conversation with just me  
And trust me I'll give it a chance now  
Take my hand, stop, put Van the Man on the jukebox  
And then we start to dance, and now I'm singing like“ 

As Ed reaches the chorus, Mel grabs my hand and pulls me up out of my chair. 

“Dance with me!!“ She says a bit too loudly and starts shaking her hips. Reluctantly I join her, she's had more than a few drinks at this point and I know arguing will be futile. I can feel Harry's eyes on me as I move to the music and shake my arse in his direction a little more forcefully than I probably should in company, but I'm fairly sure no one here is going to care. I feel his long arms snake around my waist from behind and our hips start to move slowly in time with each other and the music, finding an easy rhythm. As the song comes to an end, Ed doesn't miss a beat as he launches in to Give me love, the very song that was playing in my room the first time I took Harry in to it.

I see the cheeky wink Ed gives Harry and realise he's put him up to this. 

“Did you..?“ 

“Maybe. This is my new favourite of his songs“ Harry answers. 

“Oh yeah?“ 

“Yeah, reminds me of an amazing woman I met recently.“ 

 

“Shit, is she here? I shouldn't be in your arms“, I tease him stepping out of his hold on me. 

“Shut up and dance with me.“ He orders, taking my hand and twirling me around until we are facing one and other. I wrap my arms around his neck. We move slowly, swaying to Ed's beautiful rendition. 

“Give a little time to me or burn this out  
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around  
All I want is the taste that your lips allow  
My, my, my, my, oh give me love  
Give a little time to me, or burn this out  
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around  
All I want is the taste that your lips allow

My, my, my, my, oh give me love  
My, my, my, my, oh give me love  
My, my, my, my, oh give me love  
My, my, my, my, oh give me love  
My my, my, my, oh give me love“ 

As the song comes to an end I reach up on my tip toes and lean my face in towards Harry's inviting him to kiss me, but not wanting to push, we are in his world right now after all, surrounded by his friends and colleagues. He closes the small space between us instantly and presses his lips against mine. 

“See? I told you it doesn't always have to be hard.“ He murmurs quietly in to my ear. 

“Sorry to interrupt Hazza. But I think it's your turn mate. No one wants to listen to me all night.“ 

“Argh really mate?“ Harry asks as Ed pushes the guitar in to his hands. 

“Really.“ Ed replies, he takes my hand and sits me down on a nearby chair. “Show us what you got!“ 

Most of the people in the room had crowded around to listen to Ed and a chorus of 'come on “Harry!“ picks up around us. I make room for Mel to snuggle up with me in the oversize arm chair and lay my head on her shoulder as Harry sighs and starts to play

 

“Same lips red, same eyes blue  
Same white shirt, couple more tattoos  
But it's not you and it's not me  
Tastes so sweet, looks so real  
Sounds like something that I used to feel  
But I can't touch what I see

We're not who we used to be  
We're not who we used to be  
We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me  
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat“  
It's the song I watched the video of him singing on YouTube, the one I let play on a loop to lull me to sleep, the night he was in Amsterdam, but its a million times better live, in this intimate setting. There's maybe 20 of us sitting in Chris' living room, and everyone is absolutely silent as Harry plays. When he finishes he smiles shyly and hands the guitar straight over to Chris who is stood nearby, a spontaneous applause has broken out amongst the guests and Harry takes a mock bow. “More More!“ I hear someone shout behind me. 

“One's enough for now mate, let me see to my girl.“ Harry says, nodding his head in my direction. It's only at that moment I feel the warm wet tears on my cheeks, I hadn't realised I was crying. He walks towards me slowly as Mel softly strokes my hair, and crouches on the floor in front of us, just like he did the night we met. 

“You ok darling?“ He asks, placing one hand on my thigh and reaching out to wipe away a tear from my eye with the other. I stretch out of the chair away from Mel and fling myself in to Harry's arms, managing to push him straight down on to the floor, he lands on his arse with a dull thud. Mel and a few others around us start cracking up, but I don't care. I just cuddle in to Harry's chest as he struggles to sit up underneath me. 

“Erm, ok Ow“ He says wrapping his arms around me. 

“What's wrong?“ He asks quietly a few moments later. I notice that Olly and a few others have launched in to another song, Riptide I think absent-mindedly , Ed is accompanying him on the guitar and everyone has turned to watch them, even Mel has moved away to join in as Olly dances and struts around the living room. Giving Harry and I a moment of privacy. 

“Nothing, it's just when we weren't really speaking, I had an acoustic version of that song play me to sleep one night, and it just... I just realised how pleased I am that I didn't stay away from you, that's all.“ 

Harry kisses me softly. “Adorable girl. You have no idea how pleased I am too.“

“Katie baby, we're home.“ Harry's voice rouses me from my slumber. We're in the back of what I assume is a cab and I am curled up on his lap. I attempt to stretch a little but its tricky in the small space, after a quick glance around the cab I look at Harry questioningly. 

“What have you done with my flat mate?“ I ask 

“Ha! Whys everything always my fault with you eh? She wanted to hang out at Chris' more and he was happy to have her, so she stayed. But I figured seeing as you'd been sleeping on the bean bag for a good half hour already, that it was time to bring you home.“ 

He helps me out of the cab as we talk, I shiver when the cold air hits my face and wraps his arm around me and leads me in to the flat. 

“And, you've got work tomorrow, or actually, later today. He glances at the clock in the hallway,“ 3:45am. No wonder I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer I think. 

“Still tired?“ He asks

“Hmm.. I am.. but.. “ I reach up and push his jacket from his shoulders. “Seeing as we have the whole house to ourselves, it seems such a shame to waste it.“ 

I watch in fascination as his pupils dilate with arousal, amazed I can have this affect on him, I unbutton his shirt and push that off him too so that it lands in a heap on the floor with his jacket and work my hands down his firm chest, savouring the feel of his smooth skin beneath my fingers. As my hands reach his hips, I start to lower myself on to my knees in front of him. 

“You do realise we're in your hallway right?“ He asks incredulously, looking down at me. 

“And?“ I say as I rip open his jeans and pull them and his boxers to the floor in one swift moment. I don't know what has come over me, maybe it was just getting to spend some time with him relaxing with other people and realising it doesn't always have to be fans and paparazzi and drama, or maybe it was his beautiful performance earlier, but I know that I need him. Now. 

I wrap my hand around his hard erection, and lower my head as my lips move down his length I hear him groan out my name, spurred on I take him deep in to my mouth and suck hard. I didn't get around to getting the condoms earlier, so this is going to have to do for tonight I think, and the thought is quite a welcoming one. I move my hand up and down his length and twirl my tongue around his tip, looking up in to his eyes. 

“Fuck “ He whispers staring back down at me. He places a hand on the back of my head and gently encourages my movements, thrusting slightly to meet my eager mouth. I feel his muscles tensing and slide my hand round to grab his arse, grazing the tender skin with my nails. 

“Ahh Katie!“ He exclaims, he slams a hand against the wall to steady himself. I feel him expel his orgasm in to my mouth as he shakes slightly from the force of his climax. I start to stand, pulling up his boxers and jeans as I do so, once I am upright I button his jeans and kiss his cheek. 

“I had a lovely evening“ I say cheerfully, and brushing imaginary dust from me knees, I start to walk towards my bedroom. Leaving Harry standing open mouthed in my hallway looking utterly perplexed as to what has just happened.


	23. chapter 23

The next few days passed in a blur of laughter and conversation, and unfortunately, a few   
shifts at the bar for me. Harry pops home a couple of times, but mostly he seems to spend   
his time abusing my Netflix subscription whilst I work, he insists he has also been writing,   
but I'm not entirely convinced, although Toby did drop of a guitar in his care package from Lou the other day, so maybe he has been. He never writes in front of me, I don't know if it's a conscious choice he is making, or if it just works out that way, occasionally he'll pull out a leather bound journal, that seems to never be out of his reach, and jot something down, but that's it. I am too busy enjoying our time together to question him about it. We've only got a few more days until he heads to China. I haven't been brave enough to ask him what happens with us when he leaves, or even what we are to one and other, I'm too worried he'll tell me it's been fun but it's time to say goodbye and I don't want to spoil what little time I have left with him by having a heavy conversation. 

When I open my eyes early on Friday morning, I am confused to find that I am in bed alone, its the first time in nearly a week that I haven't awoken to find Harry's arms wrapped around me. I turn and snatch my phone from the night stand to check the time and see a message from him

“Gone to get breakfast. Won't be long. H x“

The message was sent about 20 minutes ago, so I'm guessing I don't have long to wait for him to return and decide I better get myself up and showered. As I head to the en-suite I hit play on my always open laptop and turn up the volume, I leave the bathroom door open so that I can listen to the music whilst I get myself ready and hop under the steaming water. My Itunes shuffles to It's in his kiss by Cher and I can't resist singing along, as cheesy as this song is, I love it. I am totally engrossed in the moment, massaging shampoo in to my hair as I belt out the lyrics, trying to ignore the stinging in my throat. 

“Ooh hug him  
and squeeze him tight  
find out what you wanna know  
if its love  
if it really is  
It's there in his kiss“

Without warning, the shower curtain is abruptly pulled back and I gasp, rushing to try and cover myself. 

“Don't let me stop you! I wanted to catch the end of the show.“ Harry smirks at me from the side of the tub. 

“HARRY!“ I exclaim and try to pull the shower curtain closed as I feel the heat rising in to my cheeks. “How long have you.. GO AWAY!“ I shout, finally managing to wrench the curtain from his hands and pulling it shut. 

“Aww babe, don't be embarrassed!“ He calls back to me. “It's not like I've not seen it all before.“ 

“Sneaking up on me in the shower and having consensual sex with me in my bedroom are NOT the same.“ I say back, utterly mortified. I quickly try and rinse my hair and turn off the water. I stand dripping in the bath, starting to get cold and shivering a little. But I am not ready to face him just yet. 

“What about hallways? They don't seem to bother you too much either.“ I can almost hear the smirk that I know will be spreading across his beautiful face about now, creating the dimples in his cheeks. 

“Go away.“ I repeat sulkily. 

“You going to come out of there?“

“No.“ 

“Aren't you getting cold.“ 

“No.“ I try to say back, but the slight chattering of my teeth gives me away. One of Harry's strong hands appears around the edge of the curtain, clutching a towel. 

“I'm sorry Katie, I didn't mean to scare you.. please come out?“ He asks me in a quiet voice. I don't respond. “Ok, I'll give you some privacy. I'll be in the kitchen.“ 

I hear him turn and walk out of the bathroom, closing the door behind himself and take a deep sigh. How mortifying! I think to myself. I really really wasn't ready for him to hear me attempting to sing. He has such a gorgeous voice, I'm so embarrassed. I get out of the tub and start to dry myself. Taking extra time to blow dry and straighten my hair to prolong the minutes before I have to face him. Eventually I know I can't put it off any longer, I make my way out of the bathroom and along to the kitchen. 

Harry rises from the chair as I enter, his notebook is lying open on the table, I guess he's been writing whilst he waited for me. He walks towards me slowly and wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in to his chest. 

“I'm sorry. When I got back I came to find you and heard you in the shower, then you started to sing and I was listening then, erm, I just couldn't help myself.. I wanted to see you. I didn't mean to cross any lines.“ His chin is resting on top of my head and I can feel his jaw moving with each word. 

“S'ok“ I mumble into his chest. I'm not ready to look at him just now, so I keep my head buried there, inhaling the scent that is so uniquely him. Fresh and slightly floral, but slightly musky at the same time. They should bottle that, I think idly. Harry tries to take a step back from me, freeing his arms from my shoulders, but I don't move. I continue to hug his waist and bury my head as his arms fall to his sides. 

“Erm, Katie? Are you going to stay like that all day?“ He questions, I can hear the smile is back from the tone of his voice. 

“Thinking about it.“ I reply. But I loosen my grip around his waist and allow him to step out of my hold. 

“Breakfast?“ He asks and points to the table, I spot the Egg McMuffin and hash browns on the table and my mouth starts to water. 

“You got me McDonald's?“ 

“I asked Mel what your favourite breakfast was, and that's where she pointed me. Is that ok?“ 

“It's perfect, thank you.“ I can't help but notice that there is only enough for one. “Where yours?“ Harry brandishes a banana in my direction happily. “Mine looks better.“ I tease and sit down at the table. 

“Does this mean I am forgiven?“ He asks, giving me his widest puppy dog eyed expression. 

“It's a start“ I reply and start to devour my food. 

“You really have nothing to be embarrassed about you know, you were really..“ I press a finger to his lips quickly to silence him. 

“The forgiveness might happen quicker if you promise that we NEVER speak about that again.“ 

“But I..“ 

“Nope! Shush!“ I instruct him. I pick up his banana and push it in to his mouth, forcing him to stop speaking. He holds it there with his teeth, and looks me straight in the eye, I burst out laughing at him, he really does look ridiculous. He takes a bite from it and removes the rest.

“You should never make eye contact whilst eating a banana. He says after he has swallowed. Especially when your a guy. Not a good look.“

We've been laying on the sofa most of the day. Harry is scribbling in his journal whilst I lay on his lap continuing to read my beloved Pride and Prejudice. As I reach the end of my chapter I fold the corner of one of the battered pages and start to stand up.

“Where you going?“ Harry asks

“I've got to get ready for work, I have the late shift today, start at 4“ 

“Can't you get someone to cover?“ 

“On a Friday night at short notice? Unlikely.“ I respond. 

“But, I have to head home tomorrow, he says, got to pack and get ready to fly out on Sunday. I was hoping we'd get to spend one last night together tonight.“ 

I raise my eyebrows at him questioningly. “One last night?“ I ask. “So I take it when you leave tomorrow that's it then?“ 

“What? No that's not what I meant Katie, I just meant that..“ 

“It's fine Harry. I know exactly what you meant.“ I huff cutting him off. I throw my book on to the vacant arm chair in the corner and storm off to my room. Part of me knows I am probably overreacting, but I thought we'd at least discuss what was going on with us. Not that he'd just announce it like that out of nowhere. 

“Katie will you wait!“ He calls after me, but I don't turn around. When I get to my room I pull my work clothes from my wardrobe and start to hastily pull them on. 

“Katie, don't be like this, please. Talk to me.“ He says as he stands in the doorway

“What would you like me to say Harry? You flew back early from your last tour, turned up here and basically moved in. The only time we've spent apart all week is when I've been at work, but now this is our last night together?“ 

“I didn't mean it was our last night ever! Just the last night before I have to go away, that's all!!“ He argues back. 

I glance at the clock on the wall. Shit, it's later than I thought. 

“Of course you didn't. It's just a coincidence that in all the time we've spent together, laughing and talking and, well everything else, you've not once mentioned wanting to see me again when you get back, we haven't talked about us in at all since the morning after you arrived. You haven't even told me when you're due to come back for gods sake.“ I slam the wardrobe door shut with more force than is necessary and head towards the front door. Grabbing my bag on the way. 

“Look Harry, it's fine. You don't owe me anything. We had some fun, it's been great. I hope the rest of your tour goes well. It's probably best if you leave before I get back from work.“ I don't look at him as I pull on my boots and open the front door. I don't want him to see the tears in my eyes. What did I really think was going to happen? That we were going to live happily ever after. He's a rock-star for crying out loud. 

“Katie please! Don't just walk away, I didn't mean to avoid discussing where we are, I just.. I just..“ he stammers. 

“You just what Harry?“ I turn around to face him and bite back my reply through gritted teeth. His eyes fall to the floor, he's got nothing to say. “That's what I thought. See ya Harry.“ And with that I turn and walk out the door, slamming it behind me. Leaving him, once again, standing confused in my hallway.


	24. Chapter 24

I arrive at work flustered and upset. I've spent the whole journey here in tears and now I look like some strange kind of racoon that's been left out in the rain, as my make up has run all over the place. I try my best to adjust it in the rear view mirror before I head in to the pub.   
The time seems to drag even slower than usual, I can't stop thinking about Harry and all the things I said to him. And to make matters worse, in my hurry to leave the flat I managed to forget my phone so I can't even message Mel for some TLC. I'm starting to question everything I was so sure of just a few hours ago. Did he really mean it was our last night? Or did I jump to conclusions? No I gave him the chance to say something to make it right and he couldn't. It's for the best. It would never work between us long term. And there's still so much we don't know about each other. So much I haven't told him. He wouldn't have stuck around long once he knew what a mess I am any way. It's better he leaves now. 

By 10pm the pub is pretty busy and I'm grateful for the distraction. There are only three of us working tonight, none of us have stopped pouring drinks for at least the last hour and the customers are still standing, three deep in places, all along the bar waiting to be served. As I ring up my last order and put the cash in the till, I hear a voice call out my name and call back out of habit

“Be with you in a minute!“ I recognise the voice but over the din in here its hard to make out, one of the regulars I assume and glance around to try and find who spoke. That's when I spot his stunning green eyes. 

“Harry.“ I whisper quietly. My brain catches up with what I am seeing quicker than I'd have thought possible. He can't be here. There's too many people. Way too many. Someone is going to recognise him. I pass the change roughly back to the customer I was serving and call out to Amber, one of the other barmaids on tonight, who's standing closest to me. 

“I've got to take a break, sorry. Cover for me?“ She nods back and watches me as I walk to the end of the bar, gesturing for Harry to follow. When he reaches the false counter section at the end, I pull it up and grab his arm to drag him in to the back with me. 

“Harry what do you..“ Before I can finish my sentence, his hands reach out and grasp my face, pulling me too him. He kisses me hard, aggressively, our tongues dance together in a frenzy as he pushes me up against the nearest wall and runs one hand down my breast to my waist where I feel his short nails dig in to the soft flesh. It's the easily the hottest kiss I have ever experienced, I can feel my knees buckling and I am grateful that his body is pressed so tightly to mine, pinning me up against the wall. When he finally pulls back he is panting, he rests his forehead against mine. 

“I don't want to say goodbye to you Katie“. He whispers quietly. “I'm sorry I ever made you question that. You just caught me off guard and I didn't know what to say, didn't know what you wanted me to say. I don't usually do this, I wasn't expecting to fall so hard for someone so quickly. I don't know how to deal with it.“ His voice seems deeper than usual and he speaks slowly, enunciating every word carefully. 

I open my eyes slowly and raise my head, forcing him to break the connection between our us and take a step back. I stare deeply in to them, trying to read him, to judge if what he is saying is the truth, he stares back at me, never breaking eye contact, with a fierce glare in his eyes, the sincerity is overwhelming. 

“I don't want to say goodbye to you either. I reply. I'm sorry that I overreacted. This isn't something I ever do either Harry. And I guess I've been sort of waiting for you to want to leave. Preparing for the inevitable pain.“ 

“Why? Why would I want to leave? Katie, I spent half the last leg of the tour trying to get you to talk to me, then I flew back early because I couldn't bear to be away from you for another night. I've spent every possible minute with you since then. Why would you think I would want to leave you?“ 

I can't control the tears that spring unbidden in to my eyes. “Because, well look me Harry! This, I gesture from myself to him, this doesn't make any sense! I'm just a stupid girl working in a bar to hide from her past, and your, your.. your YOU. It doesn't make any sense for you to want to be with me!“ Frustrated, I start to walk away from him, towards the staff exit at the back of the pub. I need air I think and take a puff from my inhaler as I go. As we step outside I feel his fingers clasp around my forearm and jerk me to a stop. He stares at me for a long moment. 

“I AM looking at you. I don't see a stupid girl. I see a strong woman who's trying to find her way in the world after some set backs. I see someone more beautiful than any other woman I've ever met. Someone who makes me laugh! Who gets on with my friends! Who shocks and surprises me in the BEST ways every day! Someone who lets me comfort her in the middle of the night when her nightmares wake her, and falls back to sleep in my arms. I see a woman who I want to be a part of my life!“ He practically shouts the words at me, as if he's trying to force me to believe him with the strength and conviction in his voice. I go to brush a stray tear from my eye but Harry's thumb reaches it before I do and he softly caresses my cheek. 

“You don't even know me Harry, not really.“ I say, looking down at my feet because I can't bear to see the pain in his beautiful eyes any longer. 

“I might not know everything about you, yet. But what I do know, I really like, and I want to know the rest, if you'll let me. Please?“ I feel his index finger under my chin, pushing it up. “Don't hide from me Katie“. He finishes softly, as he raises my head so that our eyes meet. 

I stand frozen in front of him. I want to believe him, but it doesn't make any sense for him to want me. I can't think straight. Slowly he bends his head towards me, closing the distance between us centimetre by centimetre, giving me plenty of time to move away. But I can't. His lips press lightly my own in a chaste kiss. 

“I have to get back to work..“ I say suddenly remembering where we are. “Amber will be wondering where I've gotten to.“ I wipe my face with the corners of my sleeves and take a deep breath. 

His shoulders slump and I see the hurt in his eyes. “Is this goodbye then?“ He asks

“No Harry, it's not goodbye.“ I reach up and kiss him gently. “I still don't understand, but its not goodbye.“ 

“I know, and I know you're scared, but, please don't push me away.“ 

I don't have anything else to say, I am overwhelmed and I just want to get back to work and try and calm down. So I kiss him again and turn to walk back inside. 

“Was that Harry Styles??“ Amber rounds on me the moment I walk back out behind the bar. 

“Not now Amber.“ I reply and start to clear the dirty glasses from the bar. It seems to have calmed down a bit in here now. Someone is attempting to sing an old Elvis song on the karaoke that we have every other Friday night, and there are only a couple of people at the bar, who Barry, the other staff member on tonight, seems to have under control. 

“Katie have you been crying? Talk to me! What's going on?“ Amber pushes. 

“Nothing. I'm fine honestly, he just needed to talk to me that's all.“ 

“Since when does Harry Styles need to talk to you? Clearly I've missed a few things whilst I've been away.“ Amber replies. 

She's just got back from a two week trip to somewhere in Europe I remember, somewhere hot I'm guessing judging by her golden brown tan. She and I aren't anywhere near as close as I am to Mel, but I do consider her my friend. I haven't even asked her how her trip was.

“I'm sorry, I forgot you've been away, how was your holiday?“ I ask trying to change the subject. 

“Oh no you don't. You aren't getting off that lightly. Seriously Katie, was it him? Or am I going out of my mind?“

I sigh and give in, she's clearly not going to let this go. “Yes“. I submit.“It was him. We've sort of being.. seeing each other.“ She lets out an audible squeak at this. “BUT it's private Amb, really private, you can't say anything to anyone ok?“ 

“Wow. Of course. Mums the word.“ She replies. “But wow. Katie. I'm going to need details“ 

“Another time, I promise. Tonight I just sort of want to get on with work ok?“ 

She looks at me for a moment and I don't think she's going to let it go, but to my relief she does. And walks away to serve another customer. 

Thankfully the rest of my shift passes without incident. As I ring the bell for last orders I wonder if Harry will be waiting for me when I get back to the flat or if he'll have gone home. Jack, the guy who runs the karaoke, makes his way over to me. 

“Going to grace us with a tune Kate?“ He asks

“Not tonight Jack, I'm not in the mood.“ I realise I am being a little rude, but its been a long day and I just want to finish up and get home to bed. 

“Ahh c'mon kid, don't be like that. Just one song and I'll even collect some glasses for you whilst you sing it. How's that?“ 

I can't help but smile at his offer, its nice of him to encourage me. 

“ONE song.“ I agree

 

“That's my girl!“ He says swinging an arm around my shoulders and steering me towards his set up. As he fiddles with the settings on his computer I take the mic and wait patiently. My hands start to shake slightly, I wonder how on earth Harry does this every night. There's only a handful of people left in the pub, most of them nursing the last dregs of their drinks, not paying the slightest bit of attention to me, but I can still feel my heart starting to beat a little faster than usual and my palms start to sweat. I take a deep breathe as the music starts to play and Jack taps me on the shoulder with his hands full of glasses, to prove he's keeping our side of the bargain. 

“From this moment life has begun  
From this moment you are the one  
Right beside you is where I belong  
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed  
I live only for your happiness  
And for your love I'd give my last breath  
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart  
I can't wait to live my life with you  
I can't wait to start  
You and I will never be apart  
My dreams came true because of you“ 

The Shania Twain classic is one I've sung often, I don't need to watch the screens for the lyrics, so I sing a lot of the song with my eyes closed, trying to feel the emotion behind the lyrics, if I'm honest, I'm not sure I've ever truly been in love, I thought I was for a while with Michael, but looking back now I'm not convinced and it's way to early to be thinking about love with Harry, so I have to dig quite deep to try and find a connection to the lyrics. As the song comes to an end and I reach to stop the track, Jack, I assume is still off collecting glasses somewhere. I hear a very loud clap emanating above all the other and hear a cheer. 

“Wooo!!“ Shouts Harry, he's walking quickly towards me from behind the bar, his long legs closing the space between us in seconds. He picks me up and spins me around in his arms, making me giggle. 

“Harry! Put me down!“ I order him playfully. He releases me and steps back as he speaks

“That was wonderful! I love that song!“ He says excitedly, placing his hands either side of my neck. “Can't sing any more? What the fuck could you sing like before??!!“ 

I laugh and try and steady my feet back on the ground. “Thanks, I think, but I cracked twice on the high notes. What are you even still doing here??“ I ask shaking my head at him. “Have you been sat outside all this time?“ 

I glance at Amber, knowing full well that she's been out the back for at least two cigarette breaks since I came back in from my talk with Harry. She gives me a little wave and winks as she picks up the till trays and carries them out to the office. 

“I didn't want to leave without you. Mel's not home so I can't get back in to your place, and I didn't want to go home. So I waited. Amber was kind enough to bring me a pint“ He smiles his megawatt smile and gazes down at me. I can't stop myself from reaching up to kiss him lightly. But I quickly scan the bar before I do. It's emptied out whilst I have been singing, there's only 1 old guy sat in a corner with an empty glass, and Jack bringing in the cases from his equipment. 

“You could have just asked for my key,“ I tease Harry. But secretly I am thrilled that he's still here. I didn't want him to leave for god knows how long after our last exchange. 

“And miss THAT? I would have sat out in the cold all night to catch that performance. Now I think I understand why some of my fans do it“ 

“Yeah yeah whatever“ I say, moving past him to finish clearing up. “Can I get you a drink?“ 

Am I allowed? He asks, glancing at the clock, it's way past closing. 

“I won't tell if you don't.“ I whisper and walk behind the bar to pour him a pint. 

We finally get home shortly after 12:30, I am utterly exhausted. I could sleep for a week. Harry takes my hand and leads me straight in to my bedroom.

“Tired?“ He asks, with a hint of mischief in his eyes. 

“Exhausted“ I yawn loudly. And sit on the edge of the bed to take off my boots. 

“Here, let me.“ He gently pushes my hand away and I find I don't have the strength to argue with him. I just sit and watch him as he removes my boots and socks, then reaches up and starts to unbutton my shirt. He plants soft small kisses down my chest as he goes, each button exposing fresh skin to him, as he reaches my waist he lightly pushes me back down on to the bed and starts to remove my trousers. 

“Harry?“ 

“Hmm?“ 

“I'm glad you're here.“ 

“No where else I'd rather be.“ He replies as he lowers himself slowly down on top of me and we lose ourselves in each others bodies.


	25. Chapter 25

I can feel his fingers in my hair when I awaken the next morning and can sense him watching me. I lay very still and pretend to still be asleep. He has to leave today, I know that as soon as I open my eyes the bubble will burst and reality will hit and I will have to figure out a way to let him go, and even though I am fairly sure it won't be the last time I see him, after last nights conversations, it's still going to hurt more than I would like. So I steal the last few minutes of pleasure, trying to drag it out for as long as I can. I think I'm doing a good job of convincing him, until his voice breaks the calm silence in my bedroom.

“I know you're awake.“ He says quietly leaning down to whisper in to my ear.

“No m'not.“ I mumble back and pull the covers up over my head to hide the smile I can feel breaking out across my lips, betraying me. Not one to be fooled, Harry suddenly pulls back the duvet and dives under it with me, rolling me on to my back and straddling me in one quick motion. 

“Harry!“ I giggle as the duvets settles down over us. 

“Come with me today.“ He says, its not a question, its a demand, an order, his voice is steady and forceful

“You know I would love to steal another day with you. But I have to work later.“ I say unhappily

“Erm, actually. You don't.“ He sheepishly replies, and sits up straight, letting the covers fall back from our heads and exposing us to the cool air and the early morning sunlight. I look up at him confused

“Erm, yes I do. I have the late shift again, I did tell you“ I persist. 

“Really.. You don't. Last night I got chatting with Amber.. and well. She is going to cover for you today. So that you can come back with me. Toby will bring you home tomorrow when I have to go to the airport.“ He says matter of factly and jumps off the bed, heading towards the bathroom. 

“Harry! You can't just.. I have bills to pay you know!“ I call after him as his lean body disappears behind the bathroom door. I hear the shower start running and sit myself up in bed, grabbing my phone I call Amber, who confirms that she is indeed, covering me today. 

“Just enjoy it Katie! I'll see you on Monday, and I expect ALL the details!“ She says before hanging up the call just as Harry saunters back in to the room in nothing but one of my soft white towels tied around his waist. 

“See? Told ya.“ He says grinning at me.

As much as I'd like to be at least a little bit angry with him for giving away my shift without even asking me, I can't manage to be anything but ecstatic. One more day, one more night with him sounds like heaven. 

An hour later and we are speeding in to the central London traffic in Harry's sleek black Audi in comfortable silence. He rests a hand on my thigh between gear shifts as I stare out the window and watch the world pass by with a stupidly big grin on my face that I haven't managed to wipe off since I woke up this morning. 

“I need to make a quick stop off, that ok“? He asks, breaking in to my day dreams. 

“Sure.“ I answer back happily, I don't think there is anything that could spoil this day for me. The sun is shining over London as we drive past Hyde Park Corner, there are families buying novelty hats from the souvenir stalls outside and I notice that Winter Wonderland is open, the taller rides are visible from the road with their flashing lights. I hadn't realised how close to Christmas it is already, I must get around to doing some shopping. As we turn past Knightsbridge tube station and Harry pulls up outside a store on Sloane street, I realise I certainly won't be doing that today. 

“Gucci? Your quick stop off is Gucci?“ 

“Erm, yeah, I need to pick up a couple of shirts for the tour. They make all my suits for me“. He says matter of factly as he shuts of the engine. “I'll get out first, just head straight in to the store, hopefully no one will notice us“ He says as he exits the car, leaving me no opportunity to argue. I watch him reach the doors of the store and glance back at me and take that as my queue to follow him, no one seems to have spotted his famous face thankfully. I quickly jump out of the car and rush after him. 

“See? Easy!“ He says with a smile as he takes my hand and leads me in to the store. We haven't gone more than three steps when a very pretty blonde appears in front of us, batting her eye lashes at Harry. She is immaculately put together from head to toe and I suddenly feel very self conscious in my minimal make up, jeans and scuffed boots. 

“Mr Styles, So lovely to see you again. We have your order ready for you. Would you like to take a look at our new arrivals whilst you are here?“ 

Harry glances down at me and I shrug, I like clothes as much as the next girl, but I will never be able to afford anything they sell in here, so I really have no opinion on whether or not little miss blonde here shows us the new arrivals. Harry laughs as he answers her

“Sure, I think we have some time.“ 

She leads us through to a back area of the store, away from the front windows, I assume to give Harry some privacy and gestures to several large railings and displays around the room. 

“Please take a look at the selection. And if there is anything you would like, Antonio will be glad to help you.“ She says as she nods towards a tall Mediterranean man in a smart suit who is stood in the corner of the room. “Can I offer you a glass of Champagne?“ 

“No thank you, we'll be fine“ Harry says and makes his way over to a shelving unit full of shoes as blondy leaves the room. I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself, I don't want to risk touching anything in case I somehow manage to leave a mark on a sock that costs thousands of pounds, and I don't want to move too close to the displays in case I knock something over, so I settle with taking a seat on the edge of a plush leather arm chair and watch Harry as he wanders around the store. 

“Why do you look like you've been trapped in a room full of snakes?“ He calls to me across the room, his back is to me, but I'm positive that his smirk is back. 

“I'm fine.“ I say a little too high pitched to be believable, making him turn and raise an eyebrow at me. 

“Come here,“ he asks holding out a hand to me. “What do you think of these?“ I force myself out of the chair and walk very carefully towards him, eyeing the black loafers in his outstretched hand. 

“Very smart.“ I say, put I can't help crinkling my nose a little

“What?“ He asks, not trying to hide his amusement. 

“It's just..“ I lower my voice. “You can buy the same thing in just about any high street store.. only difference is, that those versions wouldn't cost more than my rent.“ 

Harry barks his loud booming laugh, and to my horror Antonio joins in. 

“I can assure you madam, that the quality of our products cannot be matched by many other retailers.“ Antonio says in highly accented English. 

“Sorry.“ I reply, feeling my face turn red and automatically focusing my gaze on the floor. “I didn't mean any disrespect. I'm new here.“

New here? What on earth did I say that for! Well done Katie. First time he tries to take you just a tiny bit in to his world, and you manage to make a complete prat out of yourself within five minutes. Impressive. I scold myself internally. I feel Harry take my hand and raise it to his lips to brush his plump lips across my knuckles. 

“Relax.“ 

He continues to peruse the selection for another fifteen minutes or so, but this time he keeps a firm grip on my hand, and occasionally asks for my opinion on a shirt or a material he likes. I try to keep my answers quick and to the point, not wanting to run my mouth off and embarrass myself more than I already have today. Eventually Harry points out a couple of items to Antonio, including the loafers, and he scurries off to go and find the right sizes. Leaving Harry and I alone for a moment.

“New here??“ He asks me with a smirk. I try and bury my face in his jacket. 

“I know! I'm so embarrassed. It just came out! I mumble in to his chest. Next time you should leave me in the car“. 

“Aww baby don't be silly. It was cute.“ He bends and places a soft kiss on my forehead. “So! See anything you like?“ He gestures towards the side of the room that displays the women's clothing, which I haven't even glanced at since we came in. 

“I'm sure its all lovely.. but I am equally sure that if I want to pay my bills this month, especially after SOMEONE lost me a days work, I need to keep my purse firmly in my bag.“ 

Not one to give up that easy, Harry leads me across the room and starts to look through the various rails of dresses, he pulls out a black jersey dress with a cute red trim and bow, and ruffles down the bodice 

“This would match your shoes.“ He says as he holds the dress up against me. 

“It's lovely,“ I say but then I catch site of the price tag.“ Jesus!“ I shout, way too loudly. The sounds reverberates in the small space. “Harry its over a grand! Put it back!“ I step away from the dress quickly as though its on fire. Thankfully he replaces it on the railing and takes my hand, walking towards the doors as Antonio reappears with several bags in his hands. 

“You purchases Sir. The shirts you requested are also here. Would you like for us to help you to your vehicle?“

“Thank you Antonio. We're right outside.“ Harry says gratefully. He shakes the man's hand and we make our way back out to the car. The street is busier now, and I can see that people are starting to notice Harry, there is a man taking pictures as the men place the shopping bags in to the large boot of the car. I jump straight in to the passenger seat and try and make myself as small as possible behind the tinted windows.

As we pull up on to Harry's drive and the gates close behind us I finally start to feel calm again, we're back in our little bubble just the two of us, and I can stop worrying about putting my feet in my mouth for five minutes at least. We stopped off and picked up some food on the way home and settle down at the kitchen counter to eat. As Harry takes a large bite of his sushi I can't help but pull a face. 

“What?“ He asks, popping another piece in to his mouth. 

“Nothing!“ I say quickly.“It's just.. raw fish.“ 

“It's delicious! And good for you“ He replies, glancing down at the Subway I have in front of me. 

“So's mine.“ I say defensively and pull out a piece of lettuce to wave at him. “See? Salad.“ He laughs lightly. We eat in silence for a few minutes but I know we need to talk. He's leaving tomorrow and I need to know where I stand before he jets off to the other side of the world for weeks. I am just wondering how to broach the conversation when Harry interrupts my thoughts. 

“Penny for your thoughts? You look so serious.“ He says and pulls his face in to an exaggerated frown. 

“I was just wondering, how long you are going to be gone for? On this leg of your tour I mean?“ I say quickly. 

“Last show is in Tokyo on the 8th. Then we have a bit of an end of tour party planned the day after. I fly back in to Heathrow on the 11th. Then I will officially be unemployed for three months“. 

“So you'll be gone.. three weeks?“ I quickly do the maths in my head. 

“Yep, just over I think. But I don't want you to worry.“ He says, and reaches his hand across the table to me. “We can talk all the time, anytime you want. And we can video chat and text.. The time difference might be a bit tricky, but we'll figure it out.“ He lifts a fingers and strokes it along the patch of skin between my eyebrows, where I know my frown will be causing the skin to crease. I try and relax. 

“Sorry.“ I say and take a deep breath. 

“It's ok. This isn't exactly, er, ideal for me either you know, but we'll make it work. And then! When I come back, we'll have so much time to do whatever we want that you'll be begging me to go back on tour!“ He grins and I free my hand from his to playfully smack him on the arm. Before I can retract my wayward hand, he grabs it and pulls me out of my chair forcing me to stand in front of him, and starts to tickle my ribs. 

“Harry! No!!“ I try and push him away, but he's too strong and persistent. “Harry.“ I say again, trying to stop laughing. The third time I say his name there is an audible wheeze in my throat and I have to split it in to two syllables, he drops his hands quickly and steps back as I reach for my inhaler and sit back down. Shit, I can't cope with being tickled, the combination of tensing my muscles and laughing always ends the same way. 

“Bag.“ I gasp to Harry and point to the hallway where I know I left my backpack when we arrived. He shoots off to retrieve it and is back by my side in moments. 

“I'm so sorry..“ He starts to say, but I shake my head, pulling my nebuliser from my bag looking around for a plug socket and plugging it in quickly. I place the mask over my face and start to take deep breaths as Harry watches I can see in his eyes that he is upset, but it's difficult to try and comfort someone when you are desperately trying to breathe. I settle for placing my hand in his and giving him what I hope is a reassuring squeeze. 

When the medication tray empties, I remove the mask and shakily turn off the machine. Harry is sitting on a stool opposite me and has barely moved in the 20 minutes its taken the machine to run, I reach out and take his hand again. 

“Sorry. Tickling and me.. not a good combination.“ 

“I see that. I'm sorry, I will remember in future. I didn't mean to make you unwell.“ 

I stand slowly and walk around the counter to him. The medication as always, has caused my heart to race and my body to shake, but at least I can breathe again now. I step between Harry's long legs and wrap my arms around his neck. 

“It's fine Harry. You didn't know. And see, I'm all better now“ I smile at him as I try and reassure He returns my kiss hesitantly, I can feel that he's still worried I'm going to break again, so I press my lips harder against his, and offer him my tongue. He slowly opens his mouth and relaxes as the kiss deepens. I am surprised by how different this feels, we've kissed more times than I can count, but there is something more in this one, something deeper, less carnal and more.. intimate. As his hands reach up in to my hair I know he can feel it too.


	26. Chapter 26

I am sat on the edge of Harry's large bed as he wanders around the room collecting things to pack in to his suitcase. Its obvious that he's done this a thousand times, placing items in to little zip pockets and folding his clothes neatly. I guess having toured all around the world, packing is something he is used to having to do. He finally zips the case and places it next to the door and comes to stand in front of me. He gently pushes my legs apart and positions himself between them. Placing his hands on my shoulders. 

“You know. It's really difficult trying to pack when there is a beautiful woman sat on my bed.“ He says making me giggle. 

“Aww I'm sorry. I didn't mean to distract you..“ I tease him, looking up in to his eyes as he gazes down at me. “You seemed to do a pretty good job regardless, I've never seen someone pack so fast. “

“Practice.“ He shrugs. “You realise, other than when I gave you the tour, this is the first time that you've been in my bedroom?“ His left hand moves up to my neck and he strokes lightly across my pale skin. I turn my head and flick my hair over my shoulder to give him better access, but he suddenly stops and moves closer to examine something. 

“What are these scars?“ He asks, rubbing his thumb lightly across the small indents on my neck. 

“Ahh, left overs from the hospital. That's where my central line was.“ I tell him. He frowns and bends his head lower, and gently places a soft kiss on each of the scars in turn. 

“I hate that you went through that.“ He says quietly as he raises his head back to look in to my eyes. 

“Not my happiest memory“ I shrug, “but never mind, I'm still here.“ I don't want to discuss this with him right now, I want to enjoy the last few hours we have together. “So, Mr Styles,“ I say, placing my hands behind me on the bed and leaning back slightly. “Now that you've got me in to your bedroom, what are you going to do with me?“ I tease him, biting my lower lip as I gaze up at him from under my eyelashes. 

He stands back, tapping his finger against his chin as if he has to think about it, I feel my attempt to look alluring slip into a frown as I grow impatient. I try running the tip of my toe up and down the back of his calf, the corner of his mouth twitches upwards slightly and he folds his arms, his muscles stretching the adorning ink. I am not going to break first, I think to myself. I am NOT. I roll back my shoulders, my breasts arch towards him and I lick my tongue slowly over my lips. 

His eyebrows raise in recognition at my move to increase the stakes, yet still he doesn't move. “Ok… fine, well…“ I glance over at the clock, the time screaming at me as it slips away all too quickly, our last day is disappearing much faster than I'd like. With a huff I stand up, pushing him back to give me some room in the same move. “Well as you're done packing, I guess I'll go put the kettle on“  
“Ok, ok…“ He laughs, reaching out for me 

“Too late. The moments gone, I'm over it.“ I reply and stride towards the door, head up high, I feel an arm wrap around my waist, lifting my feet from the floor and making me squeal. My back hits the mattress and I am instantly covered by all of him. 

“You’re over it?“ He questions

I nod defiantly, trying to deny the fire that is building inside me at his close proximity, denying the fact my back is arching into him, my breasts pressing in to his chest. He gathers up both my small hands in one of his and stretches my arms out, up above my head. 

“Over it or…“ He rolls his hips, grinding into me.“ ..under it?“

My voice is hoarse, no more than a whisper and all the defiance I was trying to convince him and myself of instantly disappears as I try to respond .“o..over it.“ I swallow heavily.

“Hmm… I see.“ In a blink he flips us over and I find myself astride him, the cold buckle of his belt presses against me and I watch in fascination as his muscles contort and twist as he pull his shirt up over his head, revealing the art that is his torso.

““Over it is. I’m all yours.“ He smirks. 

Later, we are laying on the sofa relaxing after dinner watching the Notebook, which I have quickly learnt, Harry is incapable of not watching if he notices its on TV, so I am shocked when he suddenly mutes the movie, just as Noah is yelling at Allie “Get in the water, woman! Get in the water!“ He turns to face me on the couch, pulling up his long legs and crossing them between us.

“Did you just mute the notebook? Are you ill?“ I tease him and place the back of my hand to his forehead as if to check if he has a fever. 

“I wanted to ask you something.“ He says, leaning his head away from my hand, suddenly serious. 

“Ok..“ 

“When I'm away, erm. Well I guess what I wondered was..“ he stammers. He's rarely, if ever nervous, I sit up a little straighter to wait for him to finish, making sure he knows that he has my full attention. “Look, I know you were.. uneasy about the VS show, and the women there and everything, and I know I'm going to be gone for a few weeks and I guess I wanted to reassure you that.. that you don't have anything to worry about ok? I mean, from my side of things, there's only one person I want to be with.. like that. I wondered if, maybe that's the same for you?“ 

I try, really really try, to keep the smile that I can feel tugging at the edges of my lips from breaking out across my face, Harry Styles just told me I'm the only woman he wants! I can see from his expression though that this isn't a conversation he is used to having, he's clearly uncomfortable trying to and I don't want to make it any worse for him so I force myself to keep a straight face as I reach out and take his hand, playing with a large silver rose ring situated on one of his long fingers. 

“Harry.. For a long time, probably for too long actually, I haven't wanted anyone in that way, I've been happier being on my own..“ I feel him try and pull his hand out of mine, misunderstanding my meaning, but I grasp it tighter and continue, “..Until I met you. There's no one else, I can't imagine that changing anytime soon.“ I finish quietly, my gaze still focused on his ring. Neither of us speak for several moments, eventually my curiosity gets the better of me and I raise my eyes to his. He is smiling from ear to ear. 

“There's my beautiful eyes.“ He says softly as he catches my gaze. 

“Your eyes?“ 

“My eyes... My girl?“ He questions

“Your girl.“ I reply and finally allow the face splitting smile I've been trying to hide to spread across my cheeks. It's almost painful, I can't remember the last time I was this happy. Harry leans forward and tenderly kisses me, before turning back to face the TV and settling himself back in to the sofa. 

“My girl.“ He whispers to himself with a chuckle as he un-mutes the TV. 

“No I'm sorry baby, please just get in.“ Allie hesitates again.“ GET IN THE WATER!“

“Shit! That'll be the security team.“ Harry says as he jumps out of bed. Somehow, one of his legs gets caught up in the covers and he ends up falling flat on his stomach on to the floor. “Ow.“   
“Graceful.“ I tease him as he pulls the covers away from his flailing leg and stands, he shoots me a dirty look and rushes in to the bathroom. 

“H? Harry? Where are you?“ I hear a familiar and unwelcome voice calling up the stairs. My turn to jump out of the bed, thankfully I manage it without falling. I grab the nearest clothes I can find, my jeans are on the floor next to the bed, where Harry dis-guarded them late last night, I pull them on quickly and notice one of his shirts strewn across the back of a chair and pull it on. I manage to do up the first two buttons before, to my horror, Jeff swings open the bedroom door. 

“Oh. I wasn't expecting H to have a guest.“ He says, but he doesn't leave, he just leans casually against the door frame and folds his arms. 

“Harry's just in the shower, I'm sure he won't be long, I'll make some coffee.“ I say quickly clutching the shirt closed around my chest, and push past him in to the hallway. 

“Still here then?“ Jeff asks as he follows me down the stairs. I notice that there are other people in the house this morning and wonder how long they've been here, I didn't hear the door.. how noisy were we being during our morning frivolities? I feel heat rising in my cheeks as I pass the Tall men with broad shoulders in the hallway, who's suits look as though the seams might explode against their tightly muscled arms. 

“Evidently.“ I huff back. Why is he here I wonder, Harry said he was meeting him at the airport to have lunch before their flight. As I reach the kitchen and start to fill the kettle, I can feel Jeff's eyes on my back, watching my every move and self consciously I drag my fingers through my hair in an attempt to de-tangle it a little, hoping it doesn't look as though I've spent all night passionately rolling around with my boyfriend.. Even thinking of Harry as that causes a smile to appear on my lips. I take care to keep my back to Jeff so he doesn't start asking me questions. Thankfully at that moment, Harry rushes in to the room. He gives Jeff a sort of one armed hug as he apologises

“Sorry Jeff, overslept. I thought we were meeting at the airport?“ 

“I wanted to go over a couple of things with the security team before we left, so I figured it would be easier to come here. Didn't think you'd have company“. Jeff replies, nodding towards me as I shakily try and pour the water from the kettle in to the cups without spilling it everywhere. Harry walks over to me slowly and kisses the top of my head. 

“Yeah well, I wanted to fit in as much time with this one as I could before flying out. Thanks darling“, he adds to me as I hand him his coffee, his megawatt smile is back again. Casually he leans against the counter and places an arm around my shoulders.“ Security huh? Anything I should know?“ He asks Jeff. I start to move out from under his arm to excuse myself from the room and the conversation, which clearly has nothing to do with me but Harry pulls me back to his side. 

“I should get changed.“ I say quietly, indicating the shirt I am wearing. 

“Hmm I dunno, I kind of like you in my shirt, looks good on you.“ He smiles. But I persist and wriggle out of his hold and make my way out of the room. Jeff makes me too uneasy, after everything he said to me at the theatre, I find it hard to be in the same room as him. I know its something I am going to have to get over, he's Harry's manager for crying out loud, he's never going to be far away, but I'm not emotionally stable enough to deal with him this morning. I still have to work out how I am going to cope with saying goodbye to Harry for three weeks whilst he flies to the other side of the world. I don't need Jeff as well. 

I shower slowly, dress, and shove my belongings in to my bag, trying to lessen the amount of time I'll have to spend with Jeff before the guys have to head to the airport, but very aware that I am also missing out on precious minutes with Harry at the same time. As I straighten up, having had to bend down to retrieve my bra from under the bed, how on earth did it get under there? I feel Harry's strong arms slide around my waist. 

“You can stop hiding now, he's gone. Wants to make sure everyone's in place at the airport.“ He says quietly in to my ear. I can feel his warm breath against the back of my neck and it makes me shudder with delight. It can't be normal to be so excited by such a small action can it? I ask myself. Unbidden another voice in my head answers, your going to have to cope without much excitement for the next few weeks, it reminds me, and I feel tears pricking the backs of my eyes. 

“Hey, what's wrong?“ Harry asks, turning me in his embrace. I bury my head in to his chest, not wanting him to see what a baby I am being, and don't respond. “Katie? Please don't hide from me..“ he begs  
I raise my head and brush away the tears as best I can before looking at him. 

“I'm just going to miss you. That's all.“ I admit. He places both his hands on either side of my face as he bends to press his lips against mine.   
“I'm going to miss you too.“ He breathes betweens kisses.


	27. chapter 27

“Are you really going to sit here and mope about all night?“ Mel asks indignantly

“Why is it so important to you that I come to this club? I ask her in exasperation It's not like its unusual for me to want to stay home. And I am not moping! I'm wallowing. Not the same thing.“

“Becaaaause!! This isn't just ANY club! C'mon, I told Chris I'd bring you along, it's his big opening night, I'm sure you can drag yourself away from staring at your phone for a few hours and come have some fun with your best friend.. pllleeeassssse.“ She pouts 

“FINE! I'll come. But, just to the club,“ I have work tomorrow.

“Yay!! you are the. Best. Friend. Ever.“ Mel squeals as she bounces out of the living room. “Oh by the way, a delivery came for you whilst you were at work, I put it on your bed.“ 

“Thanks“. I call after her and make my way to my room, a delivery? I'm fairly sure I'm not expecting anything.. I did 'accidentally' order myself a couple of box sets on amazon a couple of days ago, they jumped in to my basket when I was looking, but they aren't due to arrive until next week. As I turn in to my room I see a large white package on the bed, defiantly not DVD's I think as I walk towards it. I rip off the wrapping and find a note attached to a box inside. 

“I know you said you weren't going to the club opening tonight, but I have a feeling Mel won't let you get away with that so I wanted to make sure you had something to wear. I know it will be impossible for you, but try not to look too stunning in it. I miss you. H x“

I wipe a small tear from the corner of my eye as I put the note on the bedside table and lean down to open the box. It's been nearly 2 weeks since Harry left for the tour, and I am missing him terribly. We've spoken a lot, and text almost constantly, but the time difference has made things hard. I've found myself setting alarms for ridiculous hours of the night so that I can speak to him after his shows. Just 8 more days until he comes home, I think wistfully.

As I lift the lid off of the box, all thoughts vanish out of my head. Laying inside is the gorgeous black jersey dress with a cute red trim, bow, and ruffles down the bodice that we looked at in Gucci. As I run the fabric through my fingers I have to admit, Antonio was right, the quality isn't like anything you can get in a high street store, I've never owned anything like it.   
“Oh my god that's gorgeous!!“ Mel shrieks from behind me, she takes the dress out of my hands and holds it up to get a better look. “Is this GUCCI??“ she demands in a high voice, bringing me back to myself and making me giggle. 

“Yes it is,“ I tell her, carefully taking the dress back and laying it on my bed. “We saw it at the store a couple of weeks ago, but it was insanely expensive so I wouldn't buy it. Apparently that doesn't matter to some people though. Harry sent it for me to wear tonight, said he thought you might badger me in to going.“ I glance over at the clock and try to do some quick mental maths, 7:21pm, Harry had a show in Auckland tonight, or last night for him I guess as they are 13 hours ahead, so it's 8:21am there.. Mel catches me staring at the clock. 

“I'll leave you to call Loverboy, she says and turns to the door. But we need to be ready at 10. Chris is sending a car.“ 

“Do none of these men understand that we are capable of getting on trains?“ I call after her not expecting a response.

Chances are Harry won't be up yet. He has a few days off between this show and the two in Tokyo which end the tour, so hopefully he'll be resting. I decide to just send him a quick text instead of risking waking him by calling. 

“It's beautiful. But you really shouldn't have. I can buy my own clothes. You were right though, Mel has talked me in to going tonight. We're heading out in a couple of hours. I miss you too xx“

The VIP area of the club is crowded and way too hot for my liking, Chris ushered us in here the moment we arrived saying we'd be more comfortable and that he thought 'H' would rather he keep me away from the crowds, 'just to be safe' as lovely as Harry is, he can be a little over protective. It's not like I've never been in a club without a babysitter before. I am fast losing my patience and turn to Mel.

“Shall we make a run for it?“ I ask her and glance towards the door, then over to Chris who is chatting to a group of guys a few feet away but has his back to us. Without a word she grabs my arm and, giggling, we run out past the security guards at the VIP entrance and down to the main dance floor reaching it just as one of our favourite songs, Nobody to love by Sigma starts blasting out from the over sized speakers surrounding a small stage where the DJ is situated. 

“I know you're tired of loving, of loving  
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody  
So just grab somebody, no leaving this party  
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody“ 

I feel like I've got lost of pent up energy just bursting to get out and throw myself in to the music, jumping and twirling around happily with Mel. A photographer appears and starts snapping pictures of the crowd and asks to take one of Mel and I, we strike out best model poses and smile for him before losing ourselves in the music again. After a few songs Mel gestures over to the bar and I nod emphatically, it's even hotter down here than in VIP and I am in desperate need of a drink. 

I stand gulping down the bottle of water the barman hands me hungrily until a hand on my shoulder makes me jump. I turn to see Chris holding out my phone towards me with a slight frown on his face.   
“Harry's on the phone, I didn't know where you'd gone! Took me ages to find you.“ He admonishes me, I suddenly feel like a naughty child, I hadn't even realised I'd left my bag in the VIP area. 

“Sorry Chris, we were just having a dance. I say as I take the phone from him, thank you for finding me.“ He shrugs and turns to Mel as I make my way outside to the small courtyard, hoping its quiet enough for me to speak to Harry. 

“Harry!“ I say happily when I finally find a peaceful spot. 

“Hey, I've been trying to call you for hours.“ He replies

“I'm sorry! Mel and I were dancing, and I guess I left my bag in the VIP area.“ 

“That's ok, Chris was worried when he realised you weren't still in there“

“Yeah, not sure VIP rooms are really my thing, we made our escape a little while ago into the main club.. Thank you so much for the dress, its beautiful!“ 

“So I see, I sent you a link, check your phone.“ 

I quickly look down at my screen and spot a link to twitter in a text from Harry, as I click it open I see a photo of Mel and I happily posing for the camera. 

“Looks like you're having a great time, I wish I was there with you.“ Harry says as I return the phone to my ear. “I'll let you go enjoy your evening, give me a call when you get home?“ He asks. 

“Sure. Probably another couple of hours or so ok?“

“Take your time, have fun, just.. not too much.“ He replies and I can almost hear his smirk through the phone as he ends the call. “Be good Katie.“ 

“I'm only ever naughty around you“ I giggle back as I hang up the call. 

When I head back inside I go straight back to the VIP area to grab my handbag then start looking around for Mel, I scan the sea of people on the dance floor but I can't spot her, Chris is over by the DJ though so I head over to him to see if he knows where she is. 

“Chris? Have you seen Mel?“ I shout over the bombing bass emanating from the speakers. He shakes his head back at me and continues his conversation with the DJ. I'm starting to get a little worried now, sure the clubs busy, but its not that big, I shouldn't be having this much trouble finding her. I wander in to the toilets and call out her name. Only one stall is occupied but whoever is in it doesn't answer me. 

“Sorry to interrupt you,“ I call out to the closed door, “But have you seen another girl in here, blonde? Black dress? Pink shoes?“

No answer, strange, even if she hasn't seen her I'd think she'd respond. I wrap my knuckles lightly against the door. 

“You ok in there?“ I ask. Again my question is met by silence. I wonder if something's wrong.. I start to bend down slowly to look under the door

“I'm not some creepy weirdo ok? But I'm a little concerned that you aren't answering me so I am just going to look under the door..“ I call again, giving whoever is in there plenty of time to respond and tell me to go away, but I still don't get any response. As I peer under the door I can see a pair of bright pink shoes. “MEL?“ I call louder now, my heart pounding. “Mel answer me!“ I lean back and push against the door as hard as I can, hoping to pop the small lock, but it doesn't budge. Frantically, I rush out of the bathroom and grab the first security guy I see. 

“My friend,“ I blurt out, “she's, I think she's passed out in one of the stalls. Can you help me get to her?“ 

Startled, the guard shouts back that he'll get a female member of staff and wanders off in to the crowd, thankfully at that moment Chris walks past.

“Chris! Something's wrong with Mel, she's in the bathroom but she won't open the stall door or speak to me, I think she's passed out.“ I say quickly grabbing his arm and pulling him in to the bathroom after me. 

“Shit“. He mumbles. “Mel? Mel can you hear me, its Chris babe. Can you open the door?“ No response. 

“Chris do something!“ I shout at him, getting more and more frustrated by the minute. He backs up to the sinks then plunges forward quickly, barging his shoulder in to the door, it pops open and I hear it bang against something inside, Mel I assume. I rush past him and am startled to see Mel sitting on the closed toilet seat slumped against the wall. 

“Mel? Oh my god Mel!!“

Chris hands me a wet wad of paper towels and I press them gently to her face and neck trying to rouse her, she stirs slightly but doesn't wake. 

“We have to get her out of here!“ I say to Chris, just as Mel mumbles “Katie? What's going on? “

“Mel! Oh honey are you ok? I don't know we just found you here! Can you walk?“ 

“I dunno,“ she says groggily. 

I move back so that Chris can get in the stall and help her to her feet. He pulls one of her arms around her shoulder and leads her out in to the bathroom where I slide under her other arm. Slowly, we make our way out of the bathroom and through to a back office where there is a small love seat positioned against the far wall, as Chris lowers Mel in to it, I rush off to get her some water. She takes small sips, the glass shaking in her hand. Her eyes keep fluttering closed and she seems to be struggling to stay awake. I feel Chris' hand on my elbow and move slightly out of her ear shot to speak to him. 

“What's going on? She's only had three drinks! I whisper to him. She shouldn't be reacting like this!“ 

“I think she's been spiked.“ He says unhappily shaking his head. “I've seen it a couple of times. I thought we'd been careful about what was getting in here, but I guess, we weren't careful enough“ He sighs heavily. 

“Spiked?? What do we do? Should we call the police?“ I ask him, my voice is too high pitched, he must realise how scared I am as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his side. 

“She'll be ok Katie, but she's going to need some looking after tonight, can you take care of her?“ 

“What about the police? Shouldn't we call them?“ I ask again but he shakes his head slowly

“Katie.. it's opening night, if they find drugs here, I could lose my license..“ he says quietly

“Are you really asking me to be more concerned about your fucking club than my best friend right now?“ I bite back, pulling myself out from under his arm. I need to get her home. I snap at him, returning to sit back with Mel, she lays her head on my shoulder the moment I sit down and seems to be out of it again, “I'll take care of her Chris. Why don't you just go“ I snap at him as I grab my phone out of my pocket and call the only person I can think of who might be able to help me calm down right now even though he's half a world away.


	28. Chapter 28

It was nearly two hours later that we finally arrived home. Harry asked Toby to come and collect Mel and I from the club and get us back safely, which was a god send as I wasn't sure I'd be able to get Mel home on my own. Toby offered to stay with us until the morning but I sent him home, he's meant to have a few weeks off whilst Harry is away, and as it is I feel bad for having disturbed him. Mel is sleeping now and seems to be ok, but I am laying in her bed with her so that I'm not far away if she wakes up and needs anything, when my phone rings. I quietly make my way out in to the hallway so as not to disturb her. 

“Hey baby.“ Harry's low voice emanates from my phone, Are you ok? Just those few simple words are enough to break me, it's like how you can be having a bad day, but holding it together and telling everyone you're fine, UNTIL your mum asks you and you just blubber like a baby. I can't control the sob that escapes my throat or the tears that slide unbidden down my cheeks and move further away from Mel's room quickly, I don't want her to hear me crying. 

“Not really.“ I manage to reply through the tears. “Why would anyone do such a thing to her Harry? She would never hurt a fly! I shouldn't have dragged her out of the VIP room, if we'd have stayed in there, no one would have been able to get to her drink. It's all my fault.“ I sob

“Sshhh shhh, baby it's not your fault!! I know Mel well enough to know she was probably itching to get in to the thick of it as much as you were. You can't blame yourself darling.“ 

“If I'd just stayed with her though... I left her alone Harry! She must have been so scared, and she was all alone!v I know he is trying to comfort me, but I am so angry at myself. How could I have been so stupid? 

“Katie, we both know you'd never have let Mel get hurt intentionally, but even if you had been right by her side.. there's no reason to think you'd have been able to stop the person who put whatever it was in to her drink.“ He soothes me in a quiet voice. 

“Maybe not.“ I submit

“I wish there was more I could do, I feel so useless being so far away. Is she ok now?“ He asks

“She's sleeping. She seems restless, but she's sleeping. Thank you so much for having Toby come and get us, it really was a big help. I wish you were here though“ I add quietly

“I know baby, I wish I was too. A large part of me just wants to jump on a plane and come and be with you. Look, I spoke to a friend of mine, a Doctor, if it's ok with you he's going to come over to your flat tomorrow and run a test, see if he can figure out what Mel was spiked with and check her over, make sure she is ok.“ 

“That's really kind Harry thank you. What did I ever do without you?“ I ask him, my heart swelling with gratitude. 

“Well if I get my way, you aren't going to have to find out how to be without me for a very long time.“ He replies. I feel the lump rising back in my throat and start to cry again. “Hey, why are you crying again?“ Harry asks me

“I'm just happy.“ I say between sniffs. “Happier than I've been in a long time.“ 

“That's all I want for you Katie. But right now, you need to go to bed, its got to be what? 5AM there?“ 

“Yeah,“ I yawn, suddenly realising how very tired I am. “I'm going to go crawl in to bed with a beautiful blonde and try and get some sleep.“ I tease him

“Oh I see how it is. Away for 2 weeks and already I've been replaced?“ 

“Yep! Traded you in for a younger model.“ I giggle back. 

“Stop teasing me and go to bed. Sleep sweet darling.“ 

“G'night Harry.“ 

“Katie, please stop fussing. I am ok really.“ Mel admonishes me as I tuck the fluffy blanket around her feet on the sofa and ask her if I can get her anything for the tenth time. The Doctor came earlier and ran a test, he said there were traces of the date rape drug, Rohypnol in her system. He said she would be fine in a day or two and just to drink lots of water and take things easy until she feels back to her normal self. Rohypnol. Date rape. These words have been running through my mind all day. Why would someone do that to my Mel. 

“I just want to look after you. That's all“. I answer her and place the TV remote in her hand. 

“Katie, I love you, but you're driving me mad! It is not your fault that this happened. Please stop beating yourself up and go to work. I'll be fine. Honestly“

“OK OK I'm going. What time is Lee coming over?“ I ask, I wanted to cancel work tonight, but Mel insisted she'd be fine, eventually we compromised on her inviting over her friend from college so that she wouldn't have to be alone. 

“In like, ten minutes“. She says looking at the clock. “So please, bugger off already.“ 

I lean down and kiss her swiftly on the forehead. 

“OK. I'm going. I have my phone though if you need …“ A pillow flies across the room in my general direction cutting me off. It didn't even come close to hitting me, but I take it as a sign that I really am testing Mel's patience. “Bye! Love you!“ I call as I hurry out the front door and head to work. 

Thankfully, by Tuesday Mel seems to be back to her old self again. Although the experience has clearly shaken her and she's quieter than usual, she assures me she isn't getting headaches any more and feels perfectly fine. So I attempt to stop badgering her about it and trust that she'll come to me if she needs to. It already feels like this week has lasted forever, and the last 2 and a half weeks, even longer than that. I can't wait for Harry to get home on Sunday, I didn't realise it was possible to miss someone so much after only knowing them for a short time, but I feel like he took a part of me with him when he went away and there is a hole in my chest that won't quite close. His tour has been going well, and he's had a few days off between his last show in New Zealand and the last two coming up in Japan, so he's been getting a bit of well earned rest. 

I've just got out of the bath after a long shift at work when my phone beeps, announcing a text 

“I have a favour to ask... but before I do, I need you to promise me you'll at least think about it before you say no. OK? H x“

“OK.. I promise. But of course I'll do whatever favour you need. What's up? xx I reply, hoping he doesn't need anything picked up from Gucci, I really don't fancy going back there again just yet.“

“Will you and Mel come to the final show? H x“

I stare down at my phone for nearly two full minutes, reading and re-reading the text. He wants me to go to Japan??! Eventually I pull myself together enough to respond.   
“Are you kidding? Is this another one of your silly jokes? xx“

“Deadly serious. I'll set it all up, all you'll have to do is get on the plane H x“

“ALL!!!“ I reply quickly. He knows I hate to fly, that is a pretty big 'all' 

“Trust me baby, flying in a private plane is not the same as commercial, you'll love it, and the staff will take care of you. It's just..you and Mel have both had a really tough week, and I know neither of you have had a holiday in ages. And, to be honest, I miss you like crazy and I really really would like you to be here with me for the last show of the tour. Please? Just think about it. Let me know your answer when you get up tomorrow H x“

Wow. He's serious. A private plane? Surely that's a little over the top. He's right that we've not had a holiday in long long time, and I know Mel would absolutely love to go...   
“I'll think about it xx“

“That's all I ask! Sleep sweet H x“

“Harry wants to fly us out for his last show.“ I say to Mel as we stand in the kitchen folding laundry the next morning. 

“Oh? That boy really is adorable isn't he! I guess he must be missing you. She replies. Where's the show?“ 

“Tokyo...“ 

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Mel screams. He's offering to fly us both out there? Me too? To Japan?“ She practically vibrating with excitement

I knew once I told her, I would have no choice but to accept Harry's offer, but I couldn't make the decision on my own. I can't cope with having to do that flight just for myself, but if its for the two people I care most about, maybe I can get through it.

“Not kidding. He says he'll sort a private jet to take us, and that 'all' we have to do is get on the plane.“ I make the universal gesture for inverted comma's as I explain this to her, making sure she knows how I feel about the idea. 

“We HAVE to go!!“ she exclaims, dropping the towel in her hands to the floor and grabbing both of mine instead, looking straight in to my eyes. “You will be OK, I will look after you on the plane I promise, but seriously, this isn't the kind of offer people like you and me ever get! You can't be considering saying no. He obviously really wants you there to go to so much trouble.. “

“I guess so, and I miss him so much, I really do, the idea of getting to see him a few days early is really tempting.. It's just.. flying. How long does it even take to get to Japan? I ask her incredulously.“ She grabs her phone and types something quickly in to it, then shows me the screen, “OVER TWELVE HOURS??“ I scream, it comes out a lot louder than it should have done. 

“Yeah... But, in a private plane.. you won't even notice the time passing! You can sleep most of the journey. Please Katie, Please tell him we'll go.“ Mel bats her eyelashes at me and I pick up my phone, placing a call to Harry. 

“I'm going to regret this..“ I say to Mel just as Harry answers the phone. 

“Regret what?“ 

“When do we need to be at the airport?“ I ask him huffily. 

“YOUR COMING?! Really?“ He shouts down my ear making me quickly pull the phone away. I put him on speaker. 

“Ow. Yes, we're coming, Mel's here too by the way, you're on speaker“

“I guess you'd rather I didn't start talking about the amazing experience you gave me in your hall.. “He teases but I cut him off. 

“Harry! Unless you want me to change my mind I would shut up if I were you!“

“Harry you are the BEST boyfriend Katie has ever had, by like a mile, not that there have been many to compete with but still. Fucking amazing!“ She squeals and dashes over to the small stereo on top of the fridge hitting play on the CD, the sounds of Harry and his band mates fill the small space as they start singing

“Her light is as loud as as many ambulances  
As it takes to save a saviour (whoa whoa whoa)  
She floats through the room on a big balloon  
Some say, "She's such a fake"  
That her love is made up  
No, no no no  
Let's have another toast to the girl almighty  
Let's pray we stay young  
Stay made of lightning  
Am I the only,  
Only believer?  
There's something happening here  
The only  
Only believer  
(There's something happening here,  
I hope you feel what I'm feeling too)  
I get down, I get down, I get down  
On my knees for ya  
I get down, I get down, I get down  
On my knees  
I get down on my knees for you“

Mel starts bouncing around and singing loudly to the track, which she calls her happy song. she says it puts her in a good mood whenever she hears it and I have to admit that it does have a similar affect on me. I haven't heard it since before the incident at the weekend so I guess I have made the right choice in agreeing to this impromptu trip. I walk out in to the hallway to finish my conversation with Harry. 

“Girl Almighty?“ He asks in a bemused voice.

“Yeah, its Mel's happy song.“ I tell him. 

“Cute. I'm so fucking pleased you are coming!! I erm, need to make a few calls, but how soon can you be ready to leave?“ 

“I have to work tonight, but then I have 3 days off, and I guess I can probably get a couple of my shifts next week covered if need be. So I guess, we can be ready tomorrow afternoon?“ 

“Sick. Thank you for agreeing to this. I cannot wait to see you!“ Harry says excitedly

“I'm looking forward to seeing you too, but after half a day on a plane, I cannot guarantee you I am going to be in the best mood when I arrive.“ I say trying to sound less terrified than I feel. 

“It'll be fine baby, trust me. And I promise to show you just how much it means to me when you get here..“ teases and I can hear the smirk stretching across his beautiful face. “I'll text you with all the details“. 

“Great. I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then.“ I say and end the call. Well its done now, I might as well try and enjoy it! I think as I join Mel back in the kitchen, restarting the track and cranking up the volume on the CD player as I pass it. I grab her hands and we dance around the kitchen singing at the top of our lungs.


	29. Chapter 29

As the engines start to whir to life beneath us I can feel my chest constricting and the panic rising in my throat. I grip on to Mel's hand for support tightly. 

“It's going to be fine, she tries to soothe me. Please don't break my hand though, I don't want the first place I go in Japan to be the hospital..“ 

“Why did I agree to this?“ I say as I try to loosen my grip on her hand a little, “I must have had a temporary moment of insanity. I can't do this!“ 

“Yes, yes you can. Just think how happy Harry will be when we get there.“ 

“Is it too late to change my mind?“ I ask childishly as the plane starts to speed up and the tarmac outside the window zooms past faster and faster.

“Haha, yeah I think so babe. I bought you some Valium, take one, you'll feel better, and it'll help you sleep.“ She says passing me a small white pill. 

I hate taking pills, but I hate flying more so as soon as we are safely in the air I ask the hostess to bring me a glass of water. The plane is beautifully furnished, with large plush leather chairs that recline practically flat. It's spacious and more luxurious than I could have imagined, especially with only me, Mel and Toby on board. Harry decided he'd rather we didn't travel alone so asked Toby if he might like to accompany us and he jumped at the chance. The pilot informed us shortly before take off that we'd be flying from London to Copenhagen, just under a 2 hour flight, where we would then refuel and have a 3 hour layover before continuing on for nearly 11hours to Japan. It's going to be a long day. In an attempt to relax me, Mel has bought along not one, but two One Direction DVD's, a movie and a concert apparently, she reckons that the more I focus on Harry, the easier this journey will be, but I am not so sure. I lay back in my chair and try and sleep for the first leg at least. 

16 and a half hours later, we finally touch down in Japan. I hated the flight, but I am just relived to be on solid ground again and try and push it out of my mind. Don't have to worry about back on one of those horrible contraptions for a few days at least. Harry's final show is tomorrow night, then he has arranged for us to stay on in Tokyo for most of a week before we head back to London. Mel is ecstatic as we make our way through Haneda airport, pointing out all the differences between here and the UK, but I am just exhausted and want to get to the hotel. 

We finally make our way through arrivals and I feel Toby's strong hand take the handle of my bright pink suitcase from me

“Here, let me, you're exhausted.“ He says

“I don't know why I am so tired, I did get some sleep on the plane.“ I answer him

“That'll be the Valium, knocks you on your arse.“ Mel chimes in. “You'll be right as rain tomorrow babe don't worry.“ 

I link my arm in hers and focus on watching my feet as we walk, making sure that I continue to put one in front of the other in a straight line and don't trip over. After what feels like miles, Mel interrupts my thoughts, 

“Erm, babe, you really might want to look up once in a while and take in the view.“ She says, and I can hear a slight smile in her voice, I glance up and quickly scan the area ahead of us, there in front of me, stood in tight black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt, black hat and wrapped in a light black jacket, holding a sign that reads 'Miss Francis and party' is Harry. 

I can feel my feet moving faster underneath me and, without ever deciding to, I break in to a run, as I reach Harry I jump up at him and throw my arms around his neck. Thankfully he has good reflexes and wraps his strong arms around my waist, catching me. 

“Hey darling.“ He says in to my ear as I nuzzle in to his neck, breathing in the delicious smell that is so uniquely him. God I've missed that. I pull my head back to look at him. 

“Hey yourself.! I didn't expect you to meet us!“ I say a little too loudly in my excitement, seems the Valium is starting to wear off at last.

“I couldn't just sit in the hotel waiting, I needed to see you.“ He replies and gently bends to kiss my cheek as he sets me down on my feet, belatedly I realise that we are in the middle of a very public airport and try and compose myself. Not the place for public displays of affection, but as Harry shakes Toby's hand and greets Mel, I can't take my eyes off of him. Has he always been this beautiful? I wonder to myself. He catches me staring and gives me a quizzical look

“What?“ 

“Nothing, I just forgot how pretty you are.“ I say quietly. 

“Look who's talking.“ He says as he blushes slightly and brushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers linger there just a moment longer than is necessary and he takes a deep sigh and bends down to whisper

“I need to get you out of here, I cannot possibly do any of the things that are running through my head right now in the middle of an airport, and there is only so long I'm going to be able to control myself.“

I smile giddily as he takes my case from Toby and leads us outside. 

“Finally!“ I say and flop face first on to the king size bed in Harry's huge suite. “I feel like I've been travelling for weeks. I don't know how you do it.“ 

“You get used to it I guess. I read a lot. Write. Try and make the most of the time so that it doesn't feel wasted. This tours been easier than previous ones, at least I have had the odd few days off here and there. With the boys we'd finish a show in one city, get on the plane, land in a new city and do a show that night, and repeat for months on end.“ 

“Clearly you aren't human.“ I mumble back my face buried in the duvet. I feel the bed depress as Harry climbs on top of me, straddling my back and starts to massage my shoulders. 

“Thank you so much for coming“ he says as he kneads the knots from my tired back. “I've missed having this body in my hands“. 

I roll beneath him so that we are face to face. “I knew you only wanted me for my body.“ I tease him. “There must have been cheaper ways to get laid than flying me across the world though“ I wink

Playfully he grabs my hands and pins them to my sides. 

“Cheaper.. probably.. but no where near as satisfying. I told you, there's only one woman I want in my bed.“ 

He leans down over me slowly and pushes his soft, warm lips to mine, my body comes alive with desire for him and I hear myself groan as his tongue slips in to my mouth. We roll so that we are side by side on the delightfully comfortable bed and I stroke my fingers up and down his muscular arms. 

“How was the flight though? Not too terrible I hope..“ He asks me as his long hands move to my waist and his thumb moves in small circles over the soft flesh above my hip. 

“It was worth it for this.“ I say quietly before stretching to kiss him again. My body is aching to be near him and bows towards him of its own accord, pushing against his. I slide my fingers under his T-Shirt and pull it over his head, exposing his perfectly sculpted torso as he moves to kiss my neck. 

“I want to kiss every inch of you“ He whispers in to my ear. 

“I'm all yours.“


	30. chapter 30

As Mel and I pull up outside the Ex Theatre Roppongi, I can't seem to stop my hands from shaking. There is a large queue of girls outside and, even though we are being taken in through a back door in a large car with tinted windows, my anxiety is getting the better of me. Harry is already inside, as he has a meet and greet scheduled before the show, so at least I don't have to worry about anyone seeing us together. But I can't seem to convince my over active brain that there really is nothing to worry about. 

When we finally join Harry backstage, he is just saying goodbye to the last of the fans, one girl has her arms wrapped around him in a tight bear hug and all of the sudden, my anxiety morphs in to jealousy and I ball my hands in to fists. 

“Jealous much?“ Mel whispers in my ear and takes one of my hands in hers. 

“You try watching your boyfriend being groped by strangers.. see how you feel.“ I huff back at her. 

“Groped? Haha! She was only giving him a hug poor thing. Calm yourself down Katie.“ Mel reasons with me just as Harry disentangles himself from the fan and heads towards us as she is lead out by security. 

“Hey pretty girl.“ Harry says, glancing behind him to make sure that the fans have all left before he leans to kiss me, I return his kiss half heartedly and turn my head 

“Hey.“ I say sulkily. 

“What's wrong? “

“Oh don't mind her.“ Mel interrupts as she gives him a hug hello. “She's just got her knickers in a twist cos we saw that fan hugging you. Apparently the green eyed monster has reared its ugly head.“ 

I watch as a smirk tugs at the edge of Harry's lips, he tries to fight it, but its clear he's finding this hilarious. He steps towards me and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me against his chest as he gazes down in to my eyes. 

“Jealous baby?“ He teases me

“No.“ I huff

“Aww, aren't you adorable. You know you're my only girl. I'd have thought that flying you half way round the world might have drummed that in to that pretty head of yours.“ He says, tapping my forehead gently with his index finger. “However, I have got to get ready for the show. He turns and calls, Ben? Can I put you on usher duty again mate?“ 

Seemingly out of nowhere, Ben appears and nods to Harry. “Sure H. Ladies?“ He says and extends both his arms to each of us.

“Have a great show Harry!“ Mel says and takes one of Ben's outstretched arms. 

I lightly press my lips to Harry's, just wanting to just quickly wish him luck, but the moment I do, his arm snakes around me again and he pulls me tightly against his muscled torso, one hand reaching up to cup my face as the kiss deepens. 

“Erm, H. Put her down mate“. Ben's voice interrupts us with a laugh. And Harry steps back from me. 

“Only you.“ He whispers. 

“Have a great show“ I tell him quietly, I know I have a stupid grin on my face and I am slightly dazed as turn to leave, grateful for Ben's arm for support as I'm not entirely convinced I can walk in a straight line right now. 

As usual, Harry's performance is outstanding. He wows the crowd by speaking a bit of Japanese here and there, and looks gorgeous in his well tailored red Gucci suit. Mel and I are situated on a small balcony, which seems to be full of various people from Harry's team. Ben is here as well as Jeff, who thankfully, keeps his distance from Mel and I after Mel shoots him a few dirty looks, and several others that I don't know. Half an hour in to the show, Harry hands the mic to his keyboard player Claire, who speaks fluent Japanese, so that she can speak to the crowd, I have no clue what she is saying, and its clear that Harry doesn't either from the expression on his face as he wanders around the stage strumming his guitar and smiling in a confused way, I catch her saying his name and assume from the expressions on the fans faces in the crowd, that she is praising him which warms my heart. He deserves to be praised, he is immensely kind to everyone in his team, from his band members to the security at the venues, to the cleaners and the shop staff, he insists on shaking the hand of everyone when he arrives at a new venue and thanks them for their hard work, its easy to see why millions of people all over the world love him. I think it would be almost impossible not to fall under his spell. 

After his usual energetic performance of Kiwi, Harry disappears back stage, this isn't unusual, he does it at ever show before coming back on for the encore. Only this time, when he reappears, he is not on the stage, but on the balcony in front of us, which has been empty for the duration of the show, holding a guitar proudly. I glance at Mel, confused. 

“What's he doing?“ I ask her as a mic stand is placed on the balcony and Harry asks the crowd to Ssh. Mel and I fall silent and wait patiently, with the few thousand other people in the theatre. You could hear a pin drop, Harry commands them all and they stand silently waiting to see what he is going to do next. I catch his eye and he winks slyly at me, before he strums the first chord and begins to sing. 

“I got a girl crush  
Hate to admit it but  
I got a heart rush  
Ain't slowing down  
I got it real bad  
Want everything she has  
That smile and that midnight laugh  
She's giving you now

I wanna taste her lips, yeah, 'cause they taste like you  
I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume  
I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch  
Yeah, 'cause maybe then you'd want me just as much  
I gotta girl crush, I gotta girl crush

I don't get no sleep, I don't get no peace  
Thinkin' about her under your bed sheets  
The way that she's whisperin', the way that she's pullin' you in  
Lord knows I've tried, I can't get her off my mind

I wanna taste her lips, yeah, 'cause they taste like you  
I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume  
I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch  
Yeah, 'cause maybe then you'd want me just as much  
I gotta girl crush

I gotta girl crush, hate to admit it but  
I gotta heart rush, it ain't slowin' down“ 

Despite being at least 5 feet away from the microphone, his beautiful voice carries easily over the arena, the crowd hold in their shouts and praise for him and stare up in wonder at this enchanting man, lit only by a single spotlight, singing his heart out for us. It's such a simple performance, there is no fancy back drop or big production. Just Harry and an acoustic guitar, its mesmerising. And I am sure I am not the only person in the crowd in tears when the song ends.

 

“What did you think?“ Harry asks me excitedly as we join him backstage after the show. 

“You were amazing, as always.“ I tell him taking his hand. “You had them eating out of your hand.“ 

“It was great Harry!“ Mel almost shouts at him. “Time to own up though, the girl you sing about with so much emotion.. the blonde? C'mon. Admit it, its me.“ 

“Haha!“ Harry barks loudly. “Of course it is Mel, I'm jealous of all the time you get to spend with this one.“ He adds pulling me to his side and kissing the top of my head. “Right! Time to celebrate! That's this tour successfully completed.“ 

Mitch, Harry's guitarist pipes up. “Club?“ 

“There's a great place not far from here actually, you up for it?“ Harry asks me

“It's your night, whatever you want is fine with me!“ 

As we enter the New Lex Edo club, I am surprised at how small and dingy it is, the security is certainly tight and in the car ride over, Claire assured me that it is THE place to go if you're a famous face in Tokyo, but it wasn't what I was expecting at all. Its cramped and old fashioned, with mismatched furniture and a small dance floor, but she was spot on about the clientele, I have already spotted a few models I recognise from the covers of the fashion magazines Mel leaves lying around the flat before we've even made it as far as our table. Harry has a quick word with the manager when we arrive and we are seated in a comfy booth and told that the evening is on him, as several large bottles of champagne are bought to the table. 

“A toast!“ Adam, Harry's bassist insists, raising his glass. “To the man, the legend, Mr Harry Styles. Thank you for taking us on this journey with you. It's been a blast.“ He says and clinks his glass against Harry's. 

“Cheers mate!“ Harry answers him happily before embracing him in a bear hug. “But, less talking, more drinking!“ Everyone erupts in to cheers and we all settle in for the evening. By 3am, most of Harry's entourage have slunk back to their various hotels, and Harry is a little worse for wear but seems to be having a great time. 

“I need to get you out of that dress.“ He says to me, slurring slightly and running a hand down my back making me shiver with delight. I am wearing the Gucci dress that he bought me again, with my new shoes, although I abandoned them to the seat next to me a couple of hours ago. 

“Hmm. I think I just need to get you to bed Mr Styles.“ I tease him

“Yes! Bed! Wonderful idea!“ He exclaims and places his glass on the table, he sways slightly as he stands and I can't help but laugh, drunk Harry is adorable. It's like watching Bambi learn how to walk. 

“Ok Casanova, let me just tell Mel we're leaving.“ 

“I don't think she'll mind“ Harry says and gestures to the dance floor, where I spot Mel, wrapped around a guy.. Ben I realise, surprised. 

“Well at least she's enjoying herself!“ I say and make my way over to her. 

“Sorry Mel.. Mel..“ I say tapping her on the shoulder. 

“Katie!!!! My bestest friend of all my friends!!“ She says and throws her arms around my neck. 

“Woah,“ I huff as I try and keep my footing under her surprise embrace. “Harry and I are heading back to the hotel. Do you want to come with us?“ 

“Nooo!! I wanna dance!!“ she shouts over the loud music and sways her hips enthusiastically. Before I can answer her, Ben chimes in

vKatie, I'll get her back safe I promise. I'm driving so I've only had one beer. Don't worry.“ He reassures me. “Looks like you've got your hands full anyway he says and nods towards Harry,“ who is downing another glass of champagne. 

“Yeah I guess it does. OK, but please let me know when you are back to the hotel ok?“ I say and kiss Mel on the cheek. “Ben, anything happens to her, I'll turn your balls in to a necklace.“ I add cheerfully. 

“Haha! I knew you had a dark side Kate,“ he teases. “We'll be fine. Take H home.“ 

The two security members from Harry's team that accompanied us tonight lead us out of the club, I don't expect there to be any one outside, we didn't advertise where we were and as far as I know, no pictures were taken inside. So I slide under Harry's arm, partially to be close to him, but mostly to make sure he doesn't fall over as we make our way outside. The moment the door opens I am instantly blinded, flashes from more camera's than I can possibly count go off all at once and I freeze. Not knowing what to do. The shouts of “Harry! Over here Harry!” are deafening, I cannot believe the amount of people that are out here.

“How did they know we were here?“ I say quietly to Liam, one of the security team.

“They always seem to know Ma'am.“ He says, as he holds up his jacket in front of Harry and I, trying to shield us from the crowds. I try in vain to separate myself from Harry and put some distance between us, but he have sobered up suddenly and tightens his grip around my shoulders. 

“Just keep your head down and walk forwards.“ He says over the shouts from the crowds. It doesn't take us long to reach the car, but by the time we do I am struggling to breathe, it's all too much for me at 3:30am in a strange country, after a long few days and a lot of travelling. I flop back on the seat and wrestle my inhaler from my handbag. 

“I'm sorry.“ Harry says sincerely. “I should have known..“ 

I shake my head at him as I try and catch my breath. Eventually managing to stammer out a proper response. 

“It's OK, not your fault. I'll be fine. I just, sometimes I forget who you are. How everyone wants a piece of you. I've only had a taste of it, I can't imagine how you must feel.“ 

“I'd say you get used to it. But you never really do. There's no way to get used to that happening everywhere you go. It comes with the job.“ 

“Do you ever wish it didn't?“ I ask him, yawning, suddenly the excitement of the night has caught up with me and I am exhausted. Harry doesn't say anything. He simply shrugs and returns his gaze to stare out of the window, I can see he is deep in thought but I don't push him. If he wants to confide in me, I trust that he will in his own time. I snuggle myself in to his side and watch the streets of Tokyo rushing past the window and wonder how on earth this became my life.


	31. Chapter 31

“Rise and shine superstar!” I call loudly to Harry as I pull open the curtains in our suite and let the late morning Japanese sunshine flood the room. 

“urgh” Harry groans from the bed, I watch as he grabs the pillow next to him and places it firmly over his face in an attempt to block out the light 

“There's water and ibuprofen on the table next to you, and I ordered room service which should arrive any minute” I say, trying to cajole him in to a better mood. I am betting after last night he is not feeling too clever this morning and I figured I'd try and make things as easy on him as possible, but I'm not going to have him sleep the whole day away. 

“you're an angel” he mumbles as he attempts to sit up and take the pills. “But please can you pull the curtains just a little? I can't.. with the light' he gestures fitfully with his free hand at the sunshine. 

“is someone feeling a little sorry for himself this morning?”

“I'll be fine, I just need water. And food” I hop back on to the bed next to him and reach over to massage his temples. 

“poor baby” I tease him “NOW do you understand why I don't like to drink?” 

“You were right, you always are” He smiles, pulling me in to his lap and nuzzling his head in my freshly washed hair, just as someone knocks on the door and calls “room service” 

“Can I get you to jot that down for me? I think it might come in handy to have in writing later” I say sarcastically as I get up to answer the door. Harry finally follows me in to the living area a few minutes later and eyes the trays sat on the table. 

“I thought you might need more than a banana this morning” I say as I lift the lids from the food, revealing a large egg white omelette and salad for Harry. 

“An angel. Honestly” he says as he sits and starts tucking in to his food. 

Later that evening we are slowly making out way back to the hotel after a long day of sightseeing in Tokyo. Thanks to the surgical masks that most of the population seem to sport here, we have managed to stay incognito and avoided any more embarrassing photo ops like last night. Having taken Harry's advice, I have avoided the internet today and not even seen any of the pictures that have no doubt been published, I'm not going to let one little mishap spoil our first vacation together, or my first time travelling outside of Europe. Once Harry's hangover became bearable, we decided to go out and take in the sites, Japan is an amazing country and I am mesmerised by practically everything I see, its so different to home, but the smog that seems to hang over the city like a low lying cloud, is starting to bother my lungs and my feet are getting sore, so its definitely time to call it a night. I also want to check on Mel, she opted out of our sightseeing trip, preferring to stay in the hotel and recover from her nights antics, but I am desperate to find out what happened with her and Ben, having not spoken to her all day. 

“Do you mind if I pop in and see Mel for a bit when we get back?” I ask Harry 

“Of course not” He answers quickly “I wouldn't mind saying hello myself, I feel like I've barely seen her since you got here” 

I wrinkle my nose trying to decide how best to phrase my next sentence

“Well the thing is.. I kind of want to find out what went on with her and Ben last night..” 

“Ah I see. Girl time?” 

“She's less likely to give me the gory details with you standing right there” I agree.

“No problem, I can take a hint” Harry winks back at me “I'm sure I can find some way to amuse myself for a while, fairly certain there's an xbox in the suite” 

“Such a typical boy” I giggle back at him as we reach the hotel lobby. 

“Enjoy your girly time” He says and bends to kiss my forehead, fumbling with his mask as he does so. 

 

“It's open” Mel's voice calls cheerily from behind her door and I push it open. Harry very kindly booked her the suite next door to ours, which isn't quite as luxuriously decked out but is still amazing in comparison to the Travel Lodges Mel and I are more accustomed to staying in on our rare nights away in Brighton. Mel is laying on her stomach on the sofa, surrounded by empty packets of crisps, sweets and chocolate

“Had a nice day?” I ask her motioning to the mess 

“I needed comfort food. What did I tell you about letting me drink?” She responds and sits up to make room for me on the sofa. 

“That you'd accepted it was a part of who you are?” I reply cheekily

“For once, can you maybe not remember every single little thing I say and be sympathetic?” She whimpers back at me. 

“Aww you poor thing. Come here” I say and pull her feet up in to my lap, kneading the undersides with my fingers. “Sooo how long are you going to make me wait before you tell me what happened with you and Ben last night?!” I ask her

giggling she responds “Ben was a perfect gentleman thank you very much! I am shocked you would think I would behave anything less than lady like around him” She pulls a face to indicate her indignation at my comment, but she's only able to hold it for a few seconds before she collapes in to a fit of giggles again “yeah I know, even I didn't buy that crap!” she laughs

“so you did sleep with him?” 

 

“maybe a little.. I wasn't lying about him being a perfect gentleman last night, he really was, he bought me back here and helped me to bed, the insisted on sleeping on the sofa just in case I needed anything in the night.. but then.. this morning...” she winks at me

“Haha! Dirty girl! I'm glad you waited till you were sober though, might have been awkward if you two had partaken in a dodgy drunken one night stand!” 

Mel and I spend the next couple of hours happily discussing our various nights, mornings and days, She gives me more gory details than I needed about her time with Ben, and I tell her all about Harry and I's adventures around Japan. 

“Can you believe we're here?” She asks me with eventually with a sigh

“I can't believe any of this. I keep waiting to wake up from this dream. We're in Japan, lounging in a beautiful suite at the Hilton, eating our body weight in expensive chocolates, and Harry Styles is calling himself my boyfriend. It can't be real” I answer her. Just then my phone beeps. 

“Speaking of said boyfriend?” Mel questions, eyebrows raised

“He says he has a surprise for me and wants to know when I am going back to our room” 

“ I guess I better let you go then babe. But tomorrow, can we all do something fun together? Please?” She asks

“of course” I reply as I head towards the door “I'll come get you in the morning” 

“Have good sex!” She calls loudly just as I open the door, I quickly check and see there is no one in the hallway before turning back to shake my head at her. 

“Behave!” 

 

I make my way happily down the hallway back to Harry's suite, wondering what surprise he has in store at gone 10pm, My question is answered as I turn the last corner and I gasp, coming to a sudden halt at the end of the long corridor which leads to the double doors to the suite. On the floor in front of me, forming a path all the way to the doors, are hundreds and hundreds of orange rose petals. One either side, small tea light candles flicker in the moonlight from the windows. I stoop and scoop up a handful of the soft petals, bringing them to my face and inhaling the scent as I slowly make my way down the hall. Before I can reach out for the door handle, it opens before me and Harry appears, silhouetted in the light from a thousand more candles that seem to be covering every surface in the suite. As he pulls the door open further I can see that the rose petals continue on, further in to the room than I can see. 

“Harry” I breathe

“Orange Roses are traditionally given to symbolise desire.. lust. They indicate an enthusiasm from the giver to chase a desire” He says in a soft, low voice and takes my hand, leading me in to the suite and pushing the door closed quietly behind us. 

“Harry, this is.. spectacular” I say quietly, looking around the room in amazement. The rose petals seem to cover the entire floor, and there are two large full bouquets of bright orange roses sat on the table. The electric fire in the living area is crackling as digital flames dance across it, echoing the orange colour of the roses. On the floor in front of the fire, is a pile of cushions and pillows on top of a sheepskin rug. 

“So are you” Harry says as he gently pulls me down on to the rug. I take a deep breath and swallow heavily as he leans his perfectly sculpted face down towards mine, I lay back in the piles of pillows and await the moment that his soft lips will press against my own. He takes his time, savouring every moment and never breaking eye contact, by the time his lips reach me, I am already panting with desire for him. 

As Harry's long fingers reach up under my shirt and tug it over my head I think he must be able to hear my heart beating, its so loud I am starting to wonder if its going to beat through my chest. The way he looks at me, as if there is no other woman in the world, as if it is only the two of us that exist, almost makes me want to cry. I can't believe he's done all this, gone to so much trouble, just for me. 

Impatiently I reach out and fumble with the buttons on his jeans, wanting to feel him, but he pulls back slightly, stilling me

“I want to savour this, I want it to last” He murmurs “Lay back” I do as I am told and lie back in the mountains of soft cushions as he teases my nipples with his tongue. Tantalisingly slowly, he kisses and licks his way down to the top of my jeans, leaving a trail of fire across my skin. As he eases the denim past my feet, he sits back on his ankles and sighs, staring down at me. 

“What?” I ask, self consciously and try to hide my nakedness from him with my arms. 

“How many times do I have to say it Katie? Don't hide from me” He says and gently pulls my arms away from my chest. “You're perfect. You have no reason to hide” Before I can compose my thoughts enough to respond, Harry bends and starts to kiss his way up my leg, starting at my ankle and making his way closer and closer to my core, when his tongue finds its target, I cannot control the moan that escapes my lips and wonder for a moment if I am going to combust around him right then and there, I push my hips forward involuntarily, closer to his eager mouth and lose myself in the exquisite feeling of his touch. 

“Harry... “ I moan, thrusting my fingers in to his hair as my body shudders and builds towards it's climax. “Harry!” I call again as he flicks his tongue against me, sliding a hand around to grab my arse. I can't control my body any longer and scream out his name again as my orgasm rips through me and my body contorts in pleasure. He moves away from me, and pulls a condom from his jeans pocket and slides it down his silky cock. Before my body has recovered, he slowly slides his deliciously long length inside me, inch by inch, filling me to my very core. As we move together in the light of the flickering candles, I gaze up in to his beautiful eyes, watching them dilate with passion as he thrusts deeper and deeper inside me, before they finally slide close as he finds his own sweet release. 

As we lay, wrapped in the rug, naked and satisfied from our love making, I can't help but ask him 

“First white roses, now orange. Should I be expecting the whole rainbow eventually? Does every colour have a different meaning?” 

“You'll have to wait and see” He says sleepily and pulls me tighter against him. I lay my head on his chest and drift off to sleep to the sound of his heart beating against my cheek


	32. Chapter 32

The next few days in Japan are spent exploring the amazing city around us, taking in art galleries and religious temples, visiting monks and holy shrines, eating and drinking and enjoying all the wonderful things that this beautiful city has to offer us. On Wednesday morning, the day before we are due to fly home to cold, dreary England, Mel requests that we spend our last day at the nearby Tokyo dome, an entertainment complex come amusement park. Despite not being a fan of roller-coasters, Harry agrees that it'll be a nice way to round off our trip and the three of us, and Ben, who has become a fairly regular feature in our little group during our time in Tokyo, pile in to the car that Toby has rented for the week and make our way to the attraction. 

“Oh wow we HAVE got to have a go on THAT!” Mel exclaims as she examines the map of the dome and points out something called 'Thunder Dolphin' which claims to reach speeds of 130km/h and has 'an incline that is net to none among roller-coasters' I can't help but laugh as Harry blanches and all the colour drains from his face, leaving the visible parts just as white as the surgical mask he is wearing. 

“Erm, yeah I think I might sit that one out..” He stammers “But you guys should go! Here, I'll take your bags” He says and tries to remove my ever present backpack from my shoulders. 

“Aww are you too scared?” Mel teases him

“It's not that I'm scared.. I just don't like them is all” He replies stubbornly making me laugh. 

“Hey, I got on a plane and flew half way round the world for you Mr Styles. Time to return the favour” I take his hand and start making my way towards the ride. As Harry is, well Harry, we do our best to keep our heads down and blend in, but after twenty minutes or so in the queue, I am fairly sure that at least a few people have recognised who is hiding under the surgical mask and beanie hat, and sure enough no sooner do I think this, than a member of staff appears next to us and starts speaking in broken English

“Mr Harry, Come this way please. You don''t need queue” The man says matter of factly and removes a section of the railing around the queue line to lead us through. Within moments we are standing next to the track, waiting to board the next train. 

“You don't have to do this you know” I say to Harry, who has gone an interesting shade of green and seems to have somehow shrunk slightly as he is no longer standing tall and proud. “It won't make me think less of you” I assure him, trying not to giggle.

“No. I'm doing it. Just, maybe you could erm, hold my hand?” He says quietly as we board the train behind Mel and Ben who take the front seats. Probably for the best I think to myself, Front row seats might have been a little bit too much action for my Roller-coaster impaired boyfriend. As I climb in to the car and the safety harnesses lower, I place my hand in Harry's and grip it tightly. 

“it's for me, not you” I say, trying to save a little bit of his pride, but the slight jump he gives in his seat as the ride begins to move rather spoils my attempt. As we zoom through the middle of a Ferris wheel, over buildings and around tight corners, I scream in delight, enjoying the adrenaline rush and the wind in my hair. Harry makes the odd unhappy squeaking sound, but mostly just keeps a firm grip on my hand, his free hand's knuckles turning white as he grips the harness around him. When the ride finally comes to a stop and we exit, he is a little unsteady on his feet, but he's smiling. 

“I hate roller coasters” he confesses and sits down on a nearby bench. 

“aww you were very brave” I tease him and reach up to kiss his nose, the only part of skin I can reach as most of his lower face is shrouded in the mask. 

We while away the rest of the day happily jumping on and off rides, eating cheap garishly pink cotton candy from a stall and watching the guys kill zombies on the over sized arcade shooting machines, but we don't make Harry brave any more roller-coasters for fear of him losing all the junk food we've consumed today. It's been an great day, full of laughs and silliness, a perfect way to say goodbye to Japan. 

 

“Sayonara” I say loudly in an awful approximation of a Japanese accent as the attendant hands me back my passport. 

“They aren't going to let me come back again are they?” I say sadly to Harry, who is desperately trying to hide the huge grin on his face at my attempt to converse in the native language. 

“Haha maybe its best you stick to English for now darling” He says and bends to kiss my forehead. 

As we board the steps to Harry's private jet, I feel the familiar panic settle over me and glance back at Mel as she takes the seat behind Harry and I. 

“Harry” she calls to him and reaches her arm around the seat “Give it to her after take off” she says and I see her place a familiar looking white tablet in his hand. As much as I don't really want to sleep the journey away, I'd much rather spend the time with Harry, I know deep down that it's probably for the best that I accept the Valium, I don't really fancy having a full on panic attack in front of him either. 

“Baby, time to wake up” Harry whispers in to my ear, I feel his long fingers brushing away a strand of lose hair from my face and pray I haven't been drooling as I pry my eyes open. 

“Are we home?” I mumble

“Copenhagen. Do you want me to carry you?” he asks as he undoes my seat belt. I stretch and yawn loudly but shake my head. 

“I can walk, I think” I reply. We slowly make our way down the stairs to the tarmac and are met by a small golf cart which whisks us off in to the airport lounge, we only have an hour lay over here this time before we head back to London and I am grateful that we don't have to wait too long. I just want to get home now, as magical as this trip has been, I just want to get home now. I wonder if anyone is working on a teleporter.. I think idly. 

As we settle in to the seats for the final leg of our journey, Harry wraps his arm around my shoulders. 

“sleep darling, we'll be home before you know it”  
“I think I've slept enough” I reply quietly as the plane begins to take off. I glance back at Mel who has her earphones in and seems to be attempting to sleep on Ben's shoulder. “I have much more interesting ideas for this flight” I say and wink at him

“Oh do you now! Should I be concerned that you are going to try and take advantage of me?”

“As I am the one who is a bit drug addled. I think it might be the other way around” I giggle “I know this is an everyday occurrence for you.. but come on, when am I ever likely to get another change to join the mile high club? On a private freaking jet no less?” 

Harry's attempts to fain shock and dismay last for only a few seconds before he gives up and smirks at me

“Well Miss Francis, what kind of a man would I be if I allowed this opportunity to pass you by?” Once the seatbelt lights go off and the attendant has brought us our drinks, Harry dismisses her and with a quick look back to check that Ben and Mel are asleep, takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom at the back of the plane. He pulls open the door and reveals a thankfully, larger than average air plane bathroom and gestures me inside

“After you”


	33. Chapter 33

It's been a week since we arrived home, and despite the fact that we are in the same country, I feel like I've seen less of Harry than I did when he was on tour. I've had to put in a few extra shifts at the pub to pay back people who covered for me whilst I was on my impromptu trip, and Harry has spent a few nights at his place in London, so I am very much looking forward to my upcoming Thursday and Friday off. Harry has some issue with my car, because its a little old and has more miles on the clock than all of his cars combined, he doesn't think it is capable of doing the less than hour drive to his house, so he's insisted on collecting me from work tonight and driving us both back to his tomorrow. My shift doesn't even start for another hour, but already I am counting the minutes until he arrives. 

I've successfully managed to dodge most of the questions that have been thrown at me so far from the tabloid reading customer's about the pictures and articles that have been printed about Harry and me. Amber has been a god send, finding urgent jobs for me to do when I've been corned in an awkward conversation or suddenly announcing that there is a phone call for me when one of the regulars pipes up about having seen me in the Sun that morning. She also covered a lot of shifts for me whilst I was away.. I really must get her a little something as a thank you. But tonight it's just me and the new guy, Darren, working, so it's going to be a lot harder to hide. 

When I finally arrive to work, I am unhappy to find that its really quiet in the pub tonight, just a handful of regulars are propping up the bar. 

“There she is, the jet setting girlfriend of the superstar” Chris calls as I am walking behind the bar, tying the cord on my old brown apron as I go. “Been whisked off to any other exotic locations since we last saw you?” He presses. 

“Haha. Ok. Go on, get it out of your system whilst it's quiet” I say, resigning myself to the inevitable. 

“C'mon, how'd you bag yourself a millionaire?” Chris asks me loudly and a couple of the other customer's in the bar turn their heads towards us in interest. 

“Can we please change the subject?” I say at a much quieter volume and grab a rag to start polishing the bar with, suddenly needing something to concentrate on other than the interrogation about my love life. 

“Ah don't mind Chris Kate” Adam, one of Chris' workmates chimes in. “I'm happy for you. Seriously. You deserve someone decent in your life. And he seems like a good bloke” 

“Thanks Adam” I say shyly and continue to wipe down the bar.

“He is treating you right? Right? Cos you know if he gives you any trouble..” Chris starts but I cut him off. 

“Yes he is. Now do you boys need a drink? I need to get this place cleaned up” I reply gesturing to the tables with empty glasses on near by

Thankfully the next few hours pass without incident, Adam tells me a little later that he's told the guys to lay off of their teasing and it seems to have worked as they don't question me about Harry again for the rest of the evening, eventually slumping off home to their wives a little unsteadier on their feet than usual. A little while before closing I am just restocking the fridges when I hear the door open and see Harry wander in to the pub. Even dressed casually in sweats and a jumper, he still looks out of place here, something about his perfectly chiselled jawline, piercing eyes and fingers covered in rings makes him stand out from the other patrons like a sore thumb. 

“Hey baby” He says as he approaches the bar and pulls up a stool 

“I thought you were picking me up AFTER work?” I question him, without even managing to say hello first

“I missed you” He says matter of factly “Am I not allowed to want to keep my girlfriend company for a bit?” He asks, his nose crinkling slightly in frustration

“Of course you are, it's just.. it's kind of public” I say quietly 

“I think it's a bit late to be worrying about that darling, secrets already out, besides, it's a quiet pub on a Wednesday night, not a red carpet event. Now be a good wench and fetch me a drink” He winks back at me 

I can't help but smile back at him, there's something about his carefree demeanour which instantly puts me at ease. Besides, there's only half a dozen customer's, mostly regulars, still in the pub, and I am fairly sure they all know any way, what's the point in trying to hide. 

“Well of course Sir” I say in the most common accent I can muster “And what would Sir like?” 

“Well..” Harry says quietly and crooks his finger, beckoning me closer to him. I lean across the bar and turn my ear towards his lips as he whispers “What I'd like, is to bend you over this bar and make love to you...” 

I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks at his words and my jaw drops slightly. Did he really just say that to me! Here! Whilst I'm working! Harry leans back slightly in his chair and laughs his loud barking laugh, covering his mouth with a heavily ringed hand as he does so. 

“Just a water please baby” He says between chuckles

Bewildered, I turn and use the time it takes me to bend to the fridge and grab him a bottle of water to try and compose myself, letting the icy air cool my flushed cheeks. By the time I hand Harry his drink I am fairly sure my face is back to its normal colour. 

“Your gonna be the death of me Mr Styles” I say quietly. “Please try and keep your cheeky comments to yourself until I have at least finished work?” 

“Is anyone serving in here?” I hear an unfamiliar voice call from the other end of the bar, I turn and smile at the newly arrived customer and make my way over to him. 

“6 pints of Stella and 6 sambucca's” He says when I reach him, glancing over his shoulder I can see 5 other men taking seats at a nearby table and sigh. Just what I need half hour before closing I think to myself as I start pouring the drinks. 

The group of lads manage to go through three rounds before I can call last orders, and clearly we aren't there first stop of the night as they are all getting pretty rowdy and obnoxious at this point. I've done bar work long enough to know that the best thing I can do is let them get on with it and hope that once I stop being able to serve them, they'll move on without any fuss. I've barely had chance to ring the old fashioned brass bell behind the bar before all six of them come over and lean against the bar. 

“What can I get you?” I ask approaching them, thankful that they've picked the opposite end of the bar to where Harry is sitting. 

“12 sambuccas babe” Slurs a tall blonde in the group as another of his friends falls over a chair leg, only just managing to catch himself before face planting in to the slot machine nearby

“Don't you think maybe your friends had enough?” I ask, trying to keep my voice casual 

“Pretty girl like you doesn't need to be worrying about that idiot” Blondey replies to me gesturing to the friend that nearly fell over and leaning his elbows on to the bar, I step back instinctively, wanting to put a little more distance between his alcohol soaked breaths and myself. 

“I'll get your drinks” I say with a smile and turn to grab several shot glasses and the bottle of sambucca from a low shelf behind me. As I bend a loud wolf whistle cuts through the air

“What a fine piece of arse!” one of the group shouts and I straighten up self consciously. I place the glasses on the bar in front of them and line up a row of shots, which they all down in unison, slamming their glasses down and demanding their second round. I'm starting to wish I hadn't sent Darren home early after all, but it was pointless both us being here with so few customers. Mark is out the back if there's an issue, I reason to myself as I hand the blonde guy his change. 

“What's your name princess?” he asks, squinting towards the name badge pinned above one of my boobs and staring at it longer than is necessary. “Katie.. Kate.. Beautiful name for a beautiful girl!” He slurs, leaning still further over the bar. 

“Thanks” I say to blondey and start to clear up the empty glasses. As I reach across the pumps to pick them up, his hand grabs me around the wrist, making me jump. I try and free it, but he's stronger than me, he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses the knuckles. 

“Beautiful” he repeats, but he doesn't let go of my hand. “We're gonna go hit a few clubs after this, you should come”

I here a chair leg scrape against the floor and shoot a quick look in Harry's direction, he is standing up and is clearly thinking about coming over to intervene so I shake my head subtly at him and he perches back on the edge of his stool with a frown. 

“Thank you, but I can't” I say finally managing to wrench my hand out of his grip. “Have a nice night!” I say and quickly make my way to the dishwasher with the empty glasses. 

“You ok?” Harry asks, his eyes full of concern as I rejoin him afterwards. 

“I'm fine, don't worry, comes with the job” I say shakily and try and smile, but I know he's not buying it. 

“Hey, it's ok, I'm sure they'll head off in a minute” He reassures me, reaching for the same hand that the blonde guy kissed and rubbing his fingers over it slowly. 

“Hopefully. I should get this place cleaned up” I say and grab a cloth from under the bar. I make my way towards the nearest table and start to clean. I make a point to clean every other table before approaching the group of guys, hoping they'll leave before I get there, but no such luck.. 

“Time to finish up guys” I say and start to pick up their empty glasses.

“What's the hurry?” Blondey asks me and moves an empty glass further down the table out of my reach

“Drinking up times over I'm afraid. Thought you guys were going to hit the clubs any ways? Got to be more fun than sitting in here with no drinks” I reply, trying to keep my voice light and friendly, but even I can hear the tremor in it. I lean across the table to reach the glass blondey moved out of my way and feel a hand clap against my right butt cheek, hard. 

“Hey!” I shout in shock “That's enough. Come on now guys, its really time to leave” 

“But I like it here” the blonde guy says, he pulls himself out of his chair with some effort and moves closer to me. He's tall, and intimidating as he towers over me, I try to slip around him but he grabs me around the waist, causing me to drop on of the glasses in my hand. It falls to the wooden floor and smashes on impact. Shatter glasses, designed to disintegrate in to a thousand pieces so that there is nothing left that's big enough to be used as a weapon, I remember as I feel blondey's breath in my ear. He is holding on to me tightly, my back pressed to his front. 

“Hey!” Harry's voice shouts and I see him making his way across the bar “Get your hands off her!” 

Tears prick the back of my eyes and the guy pushes me to one side to make his way to Harry, I manage to knock my knee cap against a low table and my leg gives way underneath me, I land heavily on the floor and feel a sharp sting in my left hand, which I have placed straight in to the pieces of smashed glass as my body automatically tried to protect me from the fall. 

“Hey! I know you!” I can hear one of blonde guys friends call out. “Your that one direction bloke ain't ya? My kid sister used to have your ugly mug plastered all over her bedroom walls!” 

“Look, it's past closing, you've clearly had a few too many tonight and you need to leave” Harry says, ignoring the comment and pushing past the blonde guy to get to me. “You ok baby?” He asks me in a low voice, helping me to my feet. 

“I'm ok” I say quietly, but I can feel the wetness on my cheeks from the tears and my hand is sticky with blood. 

“Ooh the little bar-slut's got herself a bodyguard” One of the guys says loudly and they all start to laugh. Before I can stop him, Harry takes a step towards the blonde guy and squares up to him, their faces inches apart. 

“Don't make this harder on yourself. Leave. Now” He almost growls at him

“What's this prick got that we don't huh? Money? I can buy you pretty things too princess, can't cost that much for a night with you any ways” the blonde guy laughs down at me over Harry's shoulder. 

Seems that was the last straw for Harry, in a flash his fist shoots forward and connects with Blonde guys nose with a sickening crack. 

“Hey, hey, hey!!” Marks voice rises above the commotion, I guess he must have heard the shouting from the back office and has come out to investigate. He quickly glances from me, still on the floor with blood dripping from my finger tips, to Harry who is standing over the blonde guy as he grasps his nose with both his hands, his friends half trying to comfort him and the other half moving towards Harry, swearing under their breath. 

“THAT'S ENOUGH! OUT. NOW. ALL OF YOU. BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE” Mark shouts loudly, Thankfully it seems that the group have had enough trouble for one night, and they sheepishly make their way to the door, a taller well built man looks to be pushing the blonde guy somewhat, as if he is having to force him to not turn back to retaliate further. 

Finally the heavy wood door slams behind them, and Mark hastily locks it to prevent them trying to return before turning to Harry and I. 

“What on earth happened Katie?” he says looking down at my hand. “You ok? Jesus. Ok, look you head home. I'll clear this up. We'll talk about this later” He says with a small smile and pats my shoulder. “Next time, call me BEFORE idiots like that cause trouble ok??” 

“Sorry, I thought I had them under control” I mumble “Thanks Mark” 

I reach around to untie my apron and cringe as the cuts on my hands make contact with the rough cord, gently, Harry removes my hands and turns me to face him, examining the small cuts. 

“It's nothing, looks worse than it is” I say hastily seeing the look of horror flash across his face. He removes my apron and gently presses it to my hand, the fabric vibrates as I tremble beneath it. 

He says in an angry voice “How dare he put his hands on you like that!” 

“It's ok Harry, really” 

“It's not fucking ok!” He shouts, startling me, instinctively I pull my hand away from him and cradle it to my chest, stepping back.”They way he spoke to you? You shouldn't have to put up with that shit” He says. Then slowly raises a hand to my cheek and brushes away a stray tear, before adding in a softer voice “Come on, lets get you home” 

 

When we arrive back at the flat I hastily excuse myself to the bathroom, quickly I clean and wash the cuts on my hand, removing a few small splinters of glass in-bedded in the shallow cuts, and wrap it in a light bandage, before the events of the night catch up with me and I slide myself down on to the floor and begin to cry. I place my good hand over my mouth in an attempt to stifle the sobs that I can't control as flashes of memory flicker before my eyes, first of the blonde guy and the feel of his breath on my ear, then of Harry hitting him, then, without warning, of an old familiar face grabbing me, refusing to let me go, a loud shout. Then a fist..

“Katie? Can I come in?” I hear Harry's voice from outside the door and realise, too late that I have forgotten to lock it behind me as the door handle turns and he enters the room. 

“Oh baby I'm so sorry” He says and crouches on the floor next to me, wrapping his arms around my shaking shoulders and pulling me tight in to his chest. “I should have stepped in sooner, I couldn't see you from where I was by the bar, it wasn't until I heard you shout that I.. Fuck. Katie I'm sorry” 

I shake my head frantically against his chest “It's not your fault” I manage to blurt out between sobs, angry that he is blaming himself for those idiot's behaviour. I am just grateful that Harry didn't get hurt, what if they had all turned on him? The thought is so abhorrent that it makes me shudder. I feel his grip on me loosen as he turns to grab me a tissue which I take gratefully and wipe my eyes. 

“Thank you. I'm sorry you had to get involved” I mumble as I press the tissues against my streaming eyes, willing the tears to stop. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You know that right? You didn't do anything wrong! I just got so fucking angry when I saw him grab you.. I couldn't bear it... someone else putting their hands on you that way.. And then the way he spoke to you! I should have done more than broken his nose” 

“It was my fault, I should have waited for them to leave before I tried to clean the table” I saw quietly

“What the hell Katie? No! You were just doing your fucking job! That animal had no right to touch you, you didn't do anything wrong, you never do, you are the sweetest, most beautiful, caring girl.. your …” He cuts off abruptly and I raise my eyes to his, trying to decipher what he is thinking

“Me what?” I ask him after a few moments of silence

“Your perfect” He says quietly and looks deep in to my eyes “and, and.. I'm falling in love with you”


	34. Chapter 34

Harry's perspective

 

Shit. Did I really just say that. Not the time Styles. Poor girl is clearly upset, she doesn't need you pushing your feelings on her right now. Wait, why is she so upset? Sure the scene at the bar wasn't nice at all, and I get her being shocked by it, but.. surely she should be more mad than upset? That jerk had no right to touch her or speak to her the way that he did, but why is she blaming herself? 

I wrap my arms back around her shaking frame and lift her from the cold bathroom floor, she's shivering from the cold, and gently carry her to her bed, still shocked by my bad timing. I've been wanting to tell her that since Japan.. since the moment she fell into my arms when she ran off the plane, but tonight was definitely not the right way. She deserves hearts and flowers, not that I've not tried to give her those already.. but she doesn't deserve some idiot saying he's falling for her whilst she's crying on her bathroom floor. 

After depositing Katie in the bed, I decide to take a quick shower, I still have her blood on my hands and I don't think she needs the constant reminder every time she looks at me. By the time I come back in to the bedroom she's sleeping soundly, a single tear still glistening on her perfect cheek. I reach over to brush it away but the moment my skin makes contact with hers, her eyes snap open and she quickly retreats as far away on the bed as she is able to 

“Katie, I'm sorry baby its just me, I didn't mean to scare you” I say quietly trying not to startle her again. She blinks rapidly as if trying to clear some unknown image from her vision before her eyes focus on me. 

“Harry?” she asks softly

“It's just me” 

“I'm sorry, I must have been dreaming” She apologises again, why does she feel the compulsion to keep doing that? I wonder to myself idly. 

“Please stop apologising, you've done nothing wrong. You had a shock this evening, that's all. Things will look better tomorrow I promise” I say, I slowly reach my hand towards her beautiful face, wanting to comfort her, but desperate not to scare her again so I make sure to take my time and give her as much warning as possible before I tuck a stray strand of her long brown hair behind her ear. I see her visibly relax at my touch and am relieved. Letting out a long held breath as she crawls across the bed and positions herself in my lap, with her head tucked under my chin, the way she has done practically every night since I've known her when she wakes in the night from a bad dream. 

She hasn't yet confided in me as to what happens in the dreams that wake her with a strangled screams, and I haven't pushed, not wanting to make her have to relive it. But I wish she'd talk to me. 

“Would you like me to sing to you?” I ask her as I run my fingers up and down her arm trying to soother her. Another thing I've taken to doing every time she wakes. 

“Yes please” she mumbles quietly in to my chest. So I take a deep breath and begin singing the first thing that pops in to my head. 

 

“I figured it out  
I figured it out from black and white  
Seconds and hours  
Maybe they had to take some time

I know how it goes  
I know how it goes for wrong and right  
Silence and sound  
Did they ever hold each other  
Tight like us?  
Did they ever fight like us?

You & I  
We don't want to be like them  
We can make it 'til the end  
Nothing can come between  
You & I  
Not even the gods above  
Could separate the two of us  
No, nothing can come between  
You & I  
Oh, you & I

I figured it out  
Saw the mistakes of up and down  
Meet in the middle  
There's always room for common ground

I see what it's like  
I see what it's like for day and night  
Never together  
'Cause they see things in a different light  
Like us  
They never tried like us

You & I  
We don't want to be like them  
We can make it 'til the end  
Nothing can come between  
You & I  
Not even the gods above  
Could separate the two of us

'Cause you & I  
We don't want to be like them  
We can make it 'til the end  
Nothing can come between you & I  
Not even the gods above  
Could separate the two of us  
No, nothing can come between  
You & I

You & I

Oh, you & I  
Oh, you & I 

We can make it if we try  
You & I

Oh, you & I  
You & I “

 

Even after all this time, it still feels weird singing the boys parts, I know some of them don't suit my range, I don't even try and hit Zayns high note in the last chorus, and I know that without the harmonies some of the magic is missing, but right now, this song feels perfect. I'm not going to let anything come between me and this amazing woman lying in my arms. 

As I finish the last lines, I can feel her becoming heavier in my arms, finally losing the battle to stay away and I gently roll her on to the bed next to me and spoon her, whispering in to her ear 

“sleep sweet baby” 

 

Katie's perspective

 

When I wake the next morning, Harry is still fast asleep, his perfect face pressed in to the pillow next to me, his mouth slack. He looks so peaceful so I slip out of the bed as quietly as possible and make my way to the bathroom. My hand looks much better today, the tiny cuts have mostly scabbed over and I am sure in a couple of days they will have disappeared entirely. I decide to put a new bandage on them for now so that I don't have to keep looking at them though. 

“I'm falling in love with you” Harry's voice echoes in my head as I stand under the warm water in the shower, letting it wash away all my worries from last night. It's not the same, I tell myself over and over again. Harry would never hurt me. He proved last night that he will stand between me and anyone who tries to didn't he? So why am I so scared of him saying those words to me? Deep down I know the answer. The only other man who's ever told me he loves me, soon turned in to my worst nightmare, and I know that a part of me, the non rational, paranoid part, is scared that I will end up making Harry as angry as I did Michael. That before long something about me will make him snap and I'll ruin him. I can't do that to him. I have to ensure that I don't do that to him. 

Determined to start the day off on a good note and not allow the darkness from last night spoil our time together, I wrap a towel around myself and tiptoe out of the bathroom, Harry stirs slightly as I step on a creaky floorboard, but he doesn't wake. Carefully I pry open the lid of the laptop and pull up itunes. Once the volume is set as high as it will go, I hit play on the track I have lined up as Harry's wake up call.. 

 

“Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase  
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze  
...  
It means no worries for the rest of your days  
...  
It's our problem-free philosophy  
...  
Hakuna Matata!  
Hakuna Matata?  
Yeah. It's our motto!  
What's a motto?  
Nothing. What's a-motto with you?  
Those two words will solve all your problems”

 

As the sounds of Timon and Pumba blast out in to my small bedroom, Harry sits bolt upright in bed and looks around in confusion before finally catching my eye

“Well seems your feeling better this morning!” He says groggily wiping the sleep from his eyes. 

“Today is gonna be a good day!” I say happily quoting my favourite show, Dear Evan Hansen, as I bounce on to the bed next to him

“It means no worries, for the rest of your days! It's our problem-free, philosophy! Hakuna Matata!” Harry sings in his best Simba impression making me giggle as he pulls me on to his lap and kisses me. 

“Good morning. Fairly certain this is the first time I've ever been woken up by a Meerkat and a Warthog” He says as the song comes to an end 

“Better get used to it. I love me some Disney and the Lion King happens to be one of my favs” I say squirming out of his embrace, I kiss him swiftly on the tip of his nose, making him rub it fiercely, and jump off the bed. 

“Disney and Showtunes huh? Erm, why were you at MY concert again?” He asks laughing 

“Ahh that was down to a certain blonde who is probably fairly unimpressed with my early morning wake up call as well..” I say glancing at the door quickly and wondering if Mel is about to come barrelling through it, when I realise its Friday, she'll be at college, Friday is always her early start day, I turn back to Harry and continue proudly “I'll have you know, Mr Styles, that I am an onion” 

“An onion?” He repeats, his eyebrows raising in confusion

“I have many layers. I'm afraid you may never find your way to my core” I say with a cheeky wink at him

“Is that challenge” He replies and before I can jump out of his way he grabs me around the waist and pulls me back on top of him on the bed the towel slipping from around my body as I fall. 

“Now, let me show you how I like to wake up in the mornings” He says flashing me his megawatt smile and I giggle as he sweeps the duvet over both of us and covers my face in sweet kisses.


	35. Chapter 35

When we pull in to Harry's driveway later that afternoon, I am surprised to see a sleek black Porsche parked in front of the house. 

“Shit.” Harry mumbles as he pulls his Range Rover up behind it and cuts the engine. 

“What? Harry? Who's car is that?”

“Jeff's. I'm sorry baby I didn't know he'd be here” 

“I can go?” I offer, I have no desire to see Jeff again, and it seems the alone time I had hoped to have with Harry has gone out the window. 

“Don't be stupid” He snaps. “It's my house, I want you here. Hopefully he won't insist on staying long”

Harry opens my door and offers me his hand to help me out of the car, as I place my hand in his I can see that its shaking. I don't want to deal with this, Jeff is his manager.. and his friend. I don't want to cause a rift between them. But at the same time, I don't want to have to run away anytime he's around either. 

“It'll be fine. Trust me” Harry says and bends to give me a swift kiss. He takes my hand and leads me in the house. 

“H? That you mate? Sorry to just drop by unannounced, but we need to talk” Jeff calls from somewhere in the house as we enter. 

“It's me. And Katie”

“Oh. Ok well I had wanted to talk to you before, but never mind. As she's already here, we'll just see what she has to say” Jeff replies. 

I sneak a glance up at Harry and see a confused expression on his face, he starts to make his way down the long hallway, dragging me behind him by my hand as I reluctantly move forwards. 

“H. Katie. Jeff nods”

Harry directs me to the sofa and perches on the arm next to me, resting his arm around my shoulders. 

“What's up?” He asks Jeff. 

This. Jeff throws a newspaper down on the coffee table in front of us and I gasp, jumping up from my seat in horror. 

The REAL story behind Harry Styles mystery brunette. Reads the headline. In smaller print beneath I read. Katie Francis. Barmaid or gold digger? Her ex-fiancée tells us all.

There is a large photo of me on the front page. It's old, I was only about 19 when it was taken and its not a flattering shot. I have a large drink in one hand, cigarette in another, I'm clearly a little worse for wear. 

“What the.. “ Harry's voice trails off as he reaches towards the paper. But I bend and grab it before he can and read the rest of the front page. 

Michael Price, 34, was engaged to Miss Francis for 3 years before she suddenly broke off their arrangement and disappeared from his life. Michael explains “I hadn't seen Kate in years, not since the day I came home and found she'd packed up her things and walked away from me” Overcome with emotion, Mr Price wipes a stray tear from his eye before continuing “until I saw the photos of her in London running in to the station with her shoes in her hands. I can't say I was surprised. She was always hard to handle, liked a drink you know? Needed a bit of looking after a lot of the time, she liked to be supported, wasn't interested in getting a job herself. But she was my girl, I wanted to take care of her, I thought we would be together forever” continued on page 5. 

I hurry to flick the pages of the paper over with my shaking hands to find the rest, but as soon as I do I wish I hadn't. What I see there makes me sick to my stomach. There is a photo of Harry and I leaving the club in Japan, me pulled close in to his side as he tries to sheild me from the photographers, then a smaller one of me heading in to Victoria station the night we went to the theatre. But the pictures that catch my eye aren't the ones of Harry and I. They are of me, just me, from another life. One I was remembering just last night.

Strewn across the pages between the paragraphs of text. Are photos of me from my time with Michael. One of us as a couple, standing in the snow in a park, one showing me wearing nothing but a black lace teddy. In a third though, I have a black eye and a bruised cheek.. I remember the day he took that photo. I remember how I got those bruises... As the memory overwhelms me, I drop the paper to the floor and clap a hand over my mouth, running to one of the many bathrooms to throw up everything I've eaten so far today. 

 

I find a purple toothbrush, still in its packet in a cupboard in the bathroom and perch on the edge of the tub to brush my teeth and rid my mouth of the taste of bile. I can hear low voices coming from the living room and assume Harry and Jeff are still discussing the article, but I can't work out what they are saying. My mind races as I try and make sense of what is going on. Michael went to the papers. That much is obvious. But why? To get back at me, I realise. To punish me for leaving. I haven't spoken to him since that day, I cut all ties, left our friends, my home, my life. The only person I trusted was Mel. I never could manage to even explain to her what had happened, but she was there for me regardless. She let me crash on her sofa for a while, until her lease ended and we found our flat. A knock at the door startles me, I have no idea how long I've been in here for. 

“Katie?” Harry's voice is hard nothing like the soothing tones he used last night when I was sitting in a different bathroom, it feels like a lifetime ago. 

“Can you come out here please?”

Slowly I unlock the bathroom door and turn the handle. Harry isn't waiting for me, he must have gone back in to the living room, I make my way down the hallway but I can't manage to force myself to go any further than the door frame. 

“Wanna explain this shit?” Jeff spits harshly, brandishing the paper in my direction. “I told you she was trouble” He adds to Harry

Harry doesn't look at me. Doesn't even glance in my direction. He is staring resolutely at something on the wall to my left. “Is it true?” He asks, but he doesn't sound like Harry. There is no smile in his voice, no laughter. He is hard and his words are clipped. I feel the tears pricking at the back of my eyes at his tone. 

“I told you there were things about me that you didn't know.”. I say quietly. Jeff cuts me off. 

“You mean that your a gold digging slut? Why am I not surprised THAT didn't come up in conversation”

I blanch and take a step back in to the hall, Harry still won't look at me. 

“No, you don't understand” I try and steady my voice. “That's not true. That's not how it was” 

“Jeff, I think I need to talk to Katie alone. Do you mind giving us some privacy?”

“H I don't think..”

“Please Jeff. Just.. I'll call you later ok?” 

Jeff huffs but agrees to his request. He picks up a bag off the counter and claps Harry on the shoulder as he walks out of the room. I make myself as small as I possibly can against the wall so that he doesn't touch me as he makes his way down the hall. Harry still hasn't moved. I hear the front door close, and I don't know what to do. The silence is deafening and seems to go on forever but I can't think of a single thing to say to make this OK. I can't explain it all to him, I just can't. 

After a few minutes I am shaking violently, I can't hold myself up any longer. I sink to the floor and wrap my arms around my knees with my back against the cold exposed brick of the wall. 

“Did you read it all?” Harry asks, I realise that his voice is closer than I would have expected, he is stood above me in the doorway, the paper in his hand. I shake my head. 

“I saw more than enough” I say quietly I don't want to make him angry, but I can't see those pictures again. To my absolute horror though, Harry starts to read the article aloud. 

“I met Katie when she was 18, within a year we had moved in together, everyone said it was fast, but when you find the right person, you just know I guess. She was a handful, I can't tell you how many nights I sat up waiting for her to come home from whatever club or bar she was at. I have two little girls who would stay with us every weekend you see, so I was at home with them, bathing them, reading them stories, putting them to bed. Wondering what state Kate would arrive home in and hoping she wouldn't wake them” 

“Please stop Harry. I can't...” I hear myself say and reach my hands up to cover my ears. But he presses on in a louder voice so that I can still hear him. 

Katie Francis, 25, shown here aged 19 with a black eye and bruises after getting in a bar fight, which Michael tells us was a regular occurrence. Why did you stay with her Michael? “Because I loved her. I thought she just needed some time, she was young. I thought it was just a phase.” But it wasn't a phase? Was it? I question him further. “No. I think I just hoped it would be.” Michael admits. He goes on to divulge details of Katie's sexual exploits, noting that she cheated on him on many occasions, but we won't degrade our readers by printing the details of that here. “When we found out we were pregnant, I was over the moon” He recalls. “I thought she was too, she stopped drinking, stopped going out, I thought everything had changed. But then one night, I was at work, and by the time I got home she was hammered. She fell down the stairs, and, well, she lost the baby. It was heartbreaking. She was 17 weeks, we'd already been told we were going to have a little girl. We even picked out her name” 

“STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!” I hear myself screaming at Harry. Before I realise what I am doing I stand up and rip the paper out of his hands, tearing it in to as many pieces as I can manage whilst the tears stream freely down my cheeks.

“What the fuck Katie! What are you fucking doing?” Harry shouts

I can feel my chest constricting, the stress affecting my asthma as it always does. But I don't care. I throw the pieces of torn paper down the hallway where they slide across the shiny wooden floor before coming to rest by the door matt. Then, without warning, all the fight goes out of me and I fall to my knees. I can hear a phone ringing somewhere in the house, and I realise that it's mine, but I don't even consider moving to answer it. God knows who else has seen the article, my friends, my sister, my parents. I can't stop the sob that escapes loudly from my chest as I break down again. I am vaguely aware that now Harry's mobile is going off, I hear him moving away from me as he answers. 

“Mel? It's really not a good time. No she can't come to the phone right now” I hear him snap. 

Mel.. She must have seen the article. It must have been her calling my phone. 

“Because she's currently curled up in the fetal position on my hallway floor that's why!” He shouts making me jump. “Can you explain to me what the FUCK is going on? Who the fuck is this guy in the papers?” 

His voice becomes quieter, and I raise my head a little to see that he is walking away from me, out of the double doors in his living room to the garden. I scramble to my feet and return to the bathroom. Locking the door behind me before collapsing on to the floor and continuing to sob.


	36. Chapter 36

“Katie? babe? It's Mel. Please let me in” I don't respond.

“It's just me Katie. Harry's upstairs. Please?” 

I force myself to find the strength to stand and unlock the door, I can't bring myself to look at Mel though and slide myself back down to the floor. Without a word, she wraps her arms around me and pulls me in to her chest. I can't cry any more, there aren't any tears left in me, so I just let her hold me, she passes me an inhaler which I use gratefully, sucking the air in to my lungs greedily.

“Katie. You know I don't want to push you, you know I never have, but babe, you're going to have to tell us your side of this. I know that scumbag wasn't telling the truth, but you are going to have to fill in the blanks for me. And” She stops and sighs. “You're going to have to tell Harry.. something. Even if its not everything, he needs an explanation, he need to understand. This affects him too” Slowly she releases her hold on me and stands, going to sit on the closed toilet seat. 

“I can't Mel” I manage to say. “I can't relive it. I just can't”

“You have to babe. Please. Be brave. Just talk to me. You know I am not going to judge you. I'll still be your best friend when we walk out of this bathroom. But I need to hear your side of this” 

I put my inhaler to my lips and take another puff. Dragging the medicine down in to my lungs with a wheeze, and focus my gaze on a painting hanging on the wall, it depicts a black and white beach, a wave crashing against a small pile of rocks jutting out in to the sea. I try and let the image calm me as I begin to speak, deciding to start from the beginning despite knowing she already knows some of this. It's the only way I can think of to do it. 

“I met Michael when I was 18, that much of the article was true. And yes, we moved in together less than a year later. He has two beautiful little girls, Maria and Anna, they were just babies at the time. We had them stay with us every weekend and I loved them. You know I've never been a drinker. Even when I first met you, and I was already living with him by then. For a while, I went on the odd night out with you guys, but then I started to make excuses, I was busy with the kids, I didn't feel well, I had no money, whatever came to mind. Michael didn't like me going out. Said you were bad influences on me, that if it weren't for you all, I would have been a much better person. Said it was best for me to stay home with him, let him help me, show me where I'd been going wrong. Make me better. Soon he said I shouldn't work either. Should let him take care of me. So I quit my job.” 

“A few months after that, we got engaged. But then he started spending more and more time in the pub. It would be ME bathing the kids, ME putting them to bed and trying to keep HIM quiet when HE came home so he didn't wake them. Not him. Not like he said in that damn article. He started bringing his friends back when the pub closed, they'd sit in our living room and continue to drink all night. Soon though, drink wasn't enough, so they started taking drugs too. I tried to talk to him about it, but he would get SO angry”

“The first time he hit me, he seemed so sorry afterwards. Said it was just that he had been drinking, promised to stop. But he didn't. Soon I just tried to keep out of his way as much as I could when he was like that. But the girls were often there and I didn't want him to take his anger out on them.. so sometimes I had to distract him. Keep his attention on me, give him an outlet for his anger” I hear Mel gasp at this, but I carry on, knowing that if I stop now, I won't be able to start again. 

“When we found out we were pregnant, he swore he would stop. That that was it, that he wanted the baby too much to risk hurting me or her. And he did, from the day we found out he was 'my' Michael again. He was loving and kind and caring, he came to every doctors appointment, he cried at the scans and when we heard her little heart beating for the first time” I pause watching images of that day play through my mind. 

“It's ok Katie. I'm right here, you're safe” Mel says and I feel her reach down to take my hand. I take a steadying breath and push on. 

“One night he didn't come home after work. It was 3am when he finally stumbled in the door. I had fallen asleep on the sofa, I woke up when he slammed the door and jumped, and I knocked over a glass. It smashed. He came in and saw and he just got so angry. Even angrier than I'd ever seen him. I could see he was drunk, and high. I was so scared. And I wanted to protect the baby. I tried to run, I got to the front door and swung it open but he was right behind me. There was this metal staircase outside, and I.. I.” I trail off, unable to finish my sentence. 

“We went to the hospital, but it was too late. She was already gone. They let me go home two days later. And whilst he was at work, I packed up what I could carry, and that's when I came to you”

I can hear Mel sobbing quietly next to me as she asks

“Why didn't you ever tell me? I was your best friend! How could I not have known? All those times you said you fell or walked in to a door when you had cuts and bruises, I just thought you were just really clumsy.. I had no idea... Katie I am so sorry!” She croaks, throwing her arms around me. 

“I didn't tell anyone. I can't tell him” I say in to her shoulder. “I can't tell Harry” 

“You have to tell him something Katie, you can't have him believing what that monster said about you. He needs to know the truth. He deserves to know” She finishes quietly pulling away from me. For the first time, she forces me to look in to her eyes. “I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you, but you have to say something to him. I'll be right here for you. I promise” 

I nod and pull myself up. If I have to do this, it has to be now, I think. I can't allow myself to get over reliving it once, just to have to do it again. As I reach for the door handle Mel gives me a final hug. 

“I love you. I'll be right in the living room if you need me ok?” She says as she releases me. I turn and open the door and make my way upstairs to find Harry.


	37. Chapter 37

I glance at the alarm clock on Harry's bedside table. And realise stupidly, that although it seems like longer, I have only actually only known this man for a little over 6 weeks. 6 weeks... That's all. And I just told him things about myself that I have never even told my family. I must be crazy. Mel was right though, this does affect him, he's going to be asked about it. It might affect his career. He deserves to know the truth. Only he can decide what he wants to do with it. 

I finished recounting my story to him 7 minutes ago. He hasn't spoken. Hasn't looked at me. I don't think he's moved at all since I walked in the room. He is a statue. Perfectly still with his back to me on the oversize bed, staring out of the window at something I can't see from my position by the door. Old habits creeping back in. Realising the old defence mechanism of staying as close to the exit as possible at all times in case I need to get away. 

Harry finally moves, he reaches for a glass on the table beside him and drains it. Then, without warning, his arm stretches back and he throws the now empty glass across the room. It crashes in to the wall by the window and smashes in to pieces. I can't help but shy away from the noise. I reach out and put my hand on the door knob, ready to run, when finally, he speaks. 

“Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you” 

“S'ok. I think you pretty much have a free pass to do whatever you like right now. I'm in no position to complain” 

Slowly he begins to turn on the bed so he is facing me for the first time since we arrived at the house, was that really just a few hours ago? It feels like a lifetime. I gasp in horror as I finally catch site of his tear stained face. He isn't still crying, the streaks on his face are starting to dry, but his eyes are red and glistening. Every part of my body screams to run to him, to wrap my arms around him and kiss away the hurt expression on his face, but I know he won't thank me for that right now, so I force myself to stay still, clasping my hands behind my back to stop myself from reaching for him. 

“I'm so sorry Harry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I haven't heard from him in over a year. I had no reason to think he would.. I should have known better, I'm sorry. I should have stayed away from you”

“Will you just stop?” He says loudly, startling me as he stands up, “Stop fucking apologising ok? It's not your fault. None of this..” He trails off and his eyes darken as he returns his gaze to the floor. He can barely look at me. Whether he blames me or not, knowing this about me changes things between us. It's clear from the look in his eyes. 

“I should go” I say quietly. His head snaps up and he finally looks in to my eyes, he's searching for something in them, I can see it in his expression, but I don't know what he is looking for so I opt for just looking back at him. I catch myself trying to memorize the different shades of green in his eyes, so I can remember them when he's gone. 

“You don't need to go” He replies finally. “I'm sorry, I am being utterly selfish right now, you are going through hell and I am just standing here like an idiot. It's just. It's a lot to take in. I want to kill him” 

“I know. I'm sorry” I repeat. 

As he starts to walk towards me, I can't help flinching back against the wall, its a reflex. I know he would never hurt me, but with everything that happened before at the forefront of my mind, all my old instincts are back in full force. I see the horrified look in his eyes as he abruptly stops and raises his hands, palms forward facing me, in a gesture meant to show me that he means me no harm. 

“I would never.. “ He starts to say quietly but I cut him off. 

“I know. God Harry please don't think I don't know that. It's just that going through all this today has been hard, its brought some things back to the surface that I used to do automatically, put me back in that mindset. I know you would never hurt me like that”

He starts to move towards me again, slowly, I keep eye contact with him and hold my body still, determined that I won't flinch away from him again. When he is a few feet away he reaches out a hand and gently takes one of my smaller ones in his, the un-bandaged one, bringing it to his soft lips to kiss my knuckles, I feel my body relax as this simple, sweet action and expel a long breath. Harry seems to take this as some kind of sign, pulling me gently in to his arms and holding me against his chest. I bury my head under his chin, and for the first time since we got out of the car, I feel safe again. 

“I promise I will never let anything like that happen to you, ever again” He mumbles in to my hair, I can hear the tears in his voice and pull back to look at him. Racking my brains for something I can say, anything that will stop the tears from falling down his stunning face. 

“But, the article, Harry.. I've caused you so much trouble. I know you can't.. I mean.. I know we can't be together now. It's ok. I understand, really” I say quickly 

Harry's head snaps up and his eyes find mine, the expression on his face has turned from sadness to confusion, his eyebrows are knitted together and there are creases in his forehead. 

“What? What do you mean? Katie, I'm NOT leaving you!” He almost shouts in to my face “How could you even think that! I told you, I told you last night how I feel about you, nothing has changed. If anything, this just makes me want you more, I need you Katie” He finishes softly stroking a finger down my cheek “Please, I know I've been a complete wanker today, the way I reacted... but, can you forgive me?” 

I stare up at him in wonder, seeing nothing but sincerity in his glistening green eyes. How can this be possible? That after hearing all of that, he could still want me in his life, after all the trouble that article will have caused. I bet Twitter is in complete meltdown 

“Harry, I don't have anything to forgive you for” I whisper quietly focussing my gaze firmly on the floor as I take a step back from him. “But I really do think I should go”

As I take another small step backwards, Harry's strong arms reach out and grasp my biceps, not hard, but firmly, stopping me from backing away and forcing me to look up at him. 

“You're not going anywhere. I'll talk to Jeff. We'll figure out a way to limit the fall out from the article. But you aren't leaving me Katie. Not unless it's what you truly want” No sooner are the last words out of his mouth than he pulls me towards him and pushes his lips against mine, I am shocked at the fire that ignites deep in my belly at his touch, how is it that even in the midst of all this, he can make me feel so alive? 

As the kiss finally comes to an end Harry wipes a tear from the corner of my eye. 

“Do you want to leave me baby?” He whispers

“No” I admit. “I'm falling in love with you too Harry, I can't imagine being without you”


	38. Chapter 38

“Mel? Mel? You home?” I call out as I drag my suitcase through the front door and close it behind me. As no one responds I guess Mel's not back yet. It's December 27th. Nearly a week has passed since that horrible day at Harry's, and we've not seen each other since the day after the article came out. Harry headed home to his mums in Holmes Chapel for Christmas, he asked me to go with him, but after everything that had happened, I really wasn't up to meeting his family. So I decided to disappear down to the tiny Isle of Wight off the South coast of England to stay with my own family and avoid the fallout as much as possible. I can't say it was the nicest Christmas, my family of course, all saw the article, and were understandably upset, but I couldn't bring myself to explain the truth to them, not after how hard it was to go through with Mel and Harry, so we didn't talk about it much. I spent most of the time I was there walking along the long sandy beaches with my headphones blaring music in to my ears trying to block out the thoughts in my head. It worked for the most part, but now that I am home there are a lot of realities I have to face. 

Harry and I have spoken daily, he quickly fell back in to his old routine of sending me 'Good morning' and 'Sleep sweet' texts, but something feels different between us. Now that my past has been exposed, I can't help but feel even more strongly than ever, that there is no reason for someone like him to want to be with someone like me. All I have really done since I came in to his life is cause him problem after problem, and I'm starting to wonder if I should have stuck to my guns after our first disastrous date and kept running. 

I don't have time to think about that right now though, Harry is due home tomorrow afternoon and we have arranged to have our own private Christmas at his house in London, it was our compromise when I refused to join him with his family, he wouldn't complain, so long as we could celebrate properly together on his return. Toby is picking me up first thing to take me to Harry's so that I can start preparing the massive Turkey and trimmings that I have bought for our dinner, I decided that if we're going to have a proper Christmas, we are going to need a proper Christmas dinner. 

I reach my bedroom and prop my suitcase up in a corner, flopping down on to the bed, I check my phone, there's a text from Harry, as there usually is every time I glance at it. 

“Hey baby, did you get home ok? Can't wait to see you tomorrow. H x” 

I quickly type back a response “Just got back, traffic was awful. I can't wait to see you either, now stop bothering me so I can put the finishing touches to your gift xx” 

An hour later as I am trying desperately to find the end of the sellotape which has disappeared for the tenth time since I started trying to wrap Harry's present, I hear the front door open and a familiar voice call out 

“Hey huni I'm home!!” 

“Mel!” I call back happily, jumping up to give her a big hug, of course I've missed Harry this last week, but I've missed my best friend too. I dropped several bombshells on her before vanishing off to the Island and we haven't really had time to talk very much as she's been with her family for the festive season too. 

“How was your Christmas?” I ask her as she collapses on to the sofa

“Ahh you know the usual, lots of fighting, drinking, swearing and general family crazyness” she laughs “Yours?” 

“Much the same” I giggle back “

“You're heading to Harry's tomorrow right?” She asks “NOT that I want to get rid of you or anything obviously, its just.. Ben's coming over and I was hoping that we might get a little alone time if you know what I mean” she says with an over exaggerated wink

“Eww. Don't worry I will be out of your hair first thing in the morning, then you and Ben can have all the alone time that you want.. just, not in my bed ok?” 

“I make you no promises! Have you spoken to Harry much?” 

“Sort of, we've spoken every day but.. I don't know, something's different. We're both kinda avoiding what happened. Other than telling me that Jeff was tracking down Michael to try and convince him not to speak to the press any more, neither of us have really mentioned that day at all” 

“I'm sure Harry is just being sensitive to your feelings babe, he knows how hard it was for you to tell him all that stuff, I bet he's just waiting for you to bring it up, so he didn't upset you” She says in a matter of fact tone as if this is very obvious to her

“Maybe. Or Maybe he's wishing he never got in to all this mess in the first place” I grumble back 

“Katie, seriously, one of these days you are going to have to start trusting that boy, I don't think he's going anywhere. Did you finish sorting out his gift?” 

Mel and I spend the rest of the evening swapping family horror stories from over the holidays, watching movie and eating junk food. We exchange the silly Christmas gifts we got each other, as neither of us have been feeling too flush lately we put a spending limit of £10 on a gift for each other. Mel seems delighted with the framed picture of us from her birthday last year, and I her gag gift of a specially made Harry Styles mug leads to a fit of the giggles that neither one of us can stop for nearly 15 minutes whilst we come up with all the innuendo's and puns we can about me wrapping my lips around Harry every morning whilst I drink my tea. By the time I fall in to bed at 11pm I am exhausted, as always, I pull Harry's t-shirt over my head and fall asleep quickly, my mind racing over all the cooking times I need to remember for tomorrow. 

 

Why am I so nervous? I'm standing in Harry's kitchen with sweat pouring off me, I know that at least partially, it's because of how hot it is in here with all the cooking I am doing, but the slight tremor in my hands is showing me that's not the only issue. I glance at my phone 1:35, Harry estimated getting back about 2pm.. so I've got time to grab a quick shower and clean myself up before he arrives. I give the Turkey one more baste and head off to get myself ready. Twenty minutes later I am just putting on some lip gloss when I hear the front door open, one final glance in the mirror.. well I'm certainly not up to the standard he is used to from previous girlfriends, but its as good as its gonna get! 

As I start to make my way down the stairs, Harry is hanging a thick winter coat on to the hook in the hallway, he doesn't seem to notice me until I am nearly half way down when his head suddenly snaps up and his eyes meet mine. 

“Wow” He exhales, glancing up and down my body. I decided as this is a special occasion, I would make an effort, so I dug one of the few dresses I own out of my wardrobe, it's fairly simple, blue with a low neck and a tie around the waist. The soft fabric brushes against the bottom of my thighs as I make my way down the stairs, careful not to trip in my heels, at least the strappy silver ones I have opted for are no where near as the Louboutins I wore last time I traversed Harry's staircase in a dress. 

“Hi” I say shyly when his eyes reach mine again, as I reach the second to last step Harry approaches me and pulls me in to his arms, picking me up in the air and swinging me over the last steps as he embraces me. 

“God I missed you” He says in to my hair 

“I missed you too” I reply shyly as he places me back on the floor and pulls back slightly. I stare in to his crystal green eyes and see no trace of the nerves coursing through my body as he bends to press his lips against mine. 

“You look amazing” He tells me when he finally breaks the kiss

“Thank you” 

“Well this just won't do” He says, gesturing to his lose blue jeans and white t-shirt which has a large cartoon eyes and mouth on it with a tongue poking out. “Have I got time to shower before dinner?” he asks

“Trust me you could wear a bin bag and still be the hottest person in most rooms, but yes, you have time. Dinner won't be ready for another couple of hours” 

“Perfect, so I don't have to wait much longer to give you your gift then?” He says, his eyes lighting up and a cheeky grin creeping across his face “I'm rubbish at keeping gifts a secret.. and the longer I'm with you before I can give it to you.. the more chance there is of me blurting out what it is” He adds. “I remember this one Christmas, I was about 4/5 and I managed to not tell my mum what her present was, I was so proud, it was my biggest achievement at that point, but, just as she started ripping of the wrapping, I blurted out 'It's a handbag!'and ruined everything.. I remember Gemma gave me a dead arm for that one” 

I can't help laughing along with him, sometimes I forget that he's still just a guy, with his share of faults and embarrassing childhood stories. 

“Good for her, I would have done to!” I laugh “Hopefully you'll manage to not spoil the surprise today huh? Go get yourself cleaned up, I need to check the Turkey” I say and turn to head towards the kitchen

“Not so fast..” He says, stretching out one of his long muscular arms and snaking it around my waist, pulling me back against his firm chest and spinning me to face him. Before I can catch my breath his lips are on mine again, his tongue fighting for entry in to my mouth, as our tongues dance together in a rhythm that feels as natural to me as breathing, I feel the heat rising deep inside me and wonder if I should join him in the shower. 

“Hmm” Harry moans as his kisses slow and he leans his forehead against mine “As much as I love my family, I can't tell you how good it feels to be home” 

I feel the blush rising in my cheeks at his compliment, not sure what to say. I am glad to be here, and so very glad to be back in his arms, but I can't quite manage to drown out the little voice at the back of my mind that says he deserves better than me. 

“Shower. Now” I say, pressing a hand to his chest and pushing him away 

“Yes ma'am. And you get back in the kitchen and cook my dinner woman” He retorts

I reach out to slap his arse as he dodges past me and starts running up the stairs, but he's too quick and I miss. When he reaches the top, he turns and sticks his tongue out at me, holding out his T-shirt as he does so, so that, effectively, there are two tongues sticking out, before turning and heading down the hallway.


	39. Chapter 39

“You have to promise me that if you don't like it, you'll tell me. I can always return it and get you something else” Harry says quickly as he hands me a small package that easily fits in to my hand, it's perfectly wrapped in silver paper with a white bow

“I'm sure I'll love it, but I'll promise any ways if it makes you happy” I saw solemnly playing along, even though I already know I would never want to return anything that he's bought me. I undo the bow and start to peel open the first corner of wrapping, then I have an idea and stop, glancing up at him “If you want to ruin it.. you're running low on time” I tease him as I slide a finger under the tab of paper I have released

“You're killing me baby, please just put my out of my misery already!” He replies looking slightly flustered. 

“OK OK” I acquiesce and return my attention to the present “Don't get your pants in a twist” 

I slide off the last of the wrapping and am rewarded by a small black box, alarm bells start going off in my head, Jewellery, he's bought me jewellery.. my hands start to tremble as I pry open the lid, gasping as I catch sight of the silver object inside

“Harry..It's beautiful” I whisper 

“You're sure? I really can return it.. “ He starts but I cut him officially

“No way are you returning it! I love it! Honestly!! Help me put it on?” I say handing him the small box. He slowly removes the silver bracelet from inside and clasps it around my wrist. He places his hand next to my wrist 

“You're always fiddling with my ring” He says, brandishing the large silver rose ring that he always wears on the fourth finger of his right hand. “When you're nervous or thinking something through in the pretty head of yours, you play with it. And I thought maybe you should have a rose of your own, so that even when I'm not there you have one to play with. Besides, Roses have kind of become our 'thing' “ he adds

My mind flashes back to the bouquet of white friendship roses that he sent to me at the pub, then to the mountains of orange rose petals that he scattered around our suite in Japan, he's right, roses do always make me think of him. I stare down at the intricate loops of the chain around my wrist in wonder. The charm that hangs against the back of my hand is an exact, slightly smaller copy of the rose on his ring. It's perfect. Unbidden I feel a tear slip from my the corner of my eye.

“Harry.. It's perfect. So thoughtful. Thank you” I say quietly and lean in to kiss him lightly. My head is spinning in amazement that this man, this gorgeous, talented, sensitive man, took the time to really think about a gift that would mean something to me, he must have had the charm made specially for it to be so perfect a match to his ring. 

“I'm scared to give you mine now” I admit “There is no way I can compete with this” I say shaking the bracelet in his direction. I reach under the sofa where I have hidden his present and pull out the large rectangular gift, covered in shiny purple paisley wrapping paper. 

“The paper reminded me of the suit you wore to that awards show in Australia” I say as I hand it to him. “I'm sorry it's not as grand as my beautiful bracelet, but I hope you'll still like it” 

Harry takes the present from me with a quizzical look and examines the wrapping paper

“You're right, it is like the suit” He laughs before tearing in to the present like an excited child. “A book?” He says bemused

“Turn it over” 

On the front of the large hard backed notebook in his lap I have written in Silver ink 

“Harry Styles first ever solo tour 2017” 

Harry smiles down at the book but still looks confused as he opens the first page. Inside the book, I have chronicled his first solo tour, there are photos from each stop around the world showing Harry and his bandmates on stage, pictures of the crowds and the tents outside the venues where people camped out waiting for him to arrive. Lyrics from his songs interspersed with quotes that I thought were meaningful or appropriate along the way. 

“Darling, I don't know what to say, this is wonderful!” Harry exclaims excitedly as he turns the pages, stopping when he reaches photos from his first show in London, the night that we met. I have included a couple of pictures that I took of him from the crowd, and a couple of selfies of Mel and I taken before my asthma started playing up.

“I think that was my favourite night from the whole tour” Harry says raising his eyes to mine “I didn't expect it to be, performing in London is always special because its my home, but if someone had told me that I was going to meet such an amazing woman that night.. I'd never have believed them. I know its a horrible thing to say, but I'd SO glad your inhaler ran out that night” He finishes with a chuckle and I smack him playfully on the arm. We continue to look through the book together, and Harry tells me little anecdotes and stories from each stop along his tour, falling flat on his arse during Kiwi in Manchester, his speech about inclusion in Stockholm, which I have written out under a picture of him on stage, Mitch getting hit with a rogue full water bottle in Atlanta and having a bruise on his arm for a week afterwards, the crowd in Melbourne all singing Kiwi to him whilst he watched from the drum kit stand, Claires lovely words about him in Japan. We spend an hour happily reliving the best moments from his life changing year before reaching the end of the book and our time in Tokyo, where I have added photos from the club we went to to celebrate the completion of the tour. 

“Do you like it?” I ask him shyly

“Baby I love it!! It's such an amazing gift, this tour, this whole year has been such a new experience for me, and having this to remember it by.. it's the best gift I could have gotten. Thank you so much” 

 

A few hours later Harry and I are just finishing up dinner, even though I bought the smallest turkey I could find, there are mountains of left overs 

“That was amazing, but if I eat another bite, I will explode” Harry says as he lays back in his chair and places both his hands over his stomach

“Yeah I may have gone a bit overboard.. I'll just put the leftovers in the fridge” But Harry puts a hand over mine holding me in my place at the table

“Don't you dare. You cooked, I'll clean up. You relax. Why don't you pick a move for us to watch?” 

I don't bother trying to argue with him, as the last thing I want to do right now is even look at more food, let alone clear up, the waist tie of my dress is starting to make me really uncomfortable, “I think I'll change first” I call to Harry in the kitchen as I make my way upstairs. Riffling through my suitcase I find a tank top and sweats and pull them on, grabbing one of Harry's to-big-for-me-really sweatshirts from his open bag, tugging it over my head as I leave the room causing my hair to tumble out of its up do and fall down around my shoulders. 

“Sorry, I decided it was time to get comfy” I say to Harry as he enters the living room and raises his eyebrows at me. Slowly he approaches me and bends over the back of the sofa, sliding his long arms around my shoulders. 

“You looked stunning in the dress baby, but this.. this is sexy as hell. I love seeing you in my clothes” He says tugging lightly on his sweatshirt. “You could have grabbed a clean one though, I've had this one on half the time I was away” He adds as he swings his legs over the sofa and flops down next to me. 

“I like it, it smells like you” I say, pressing the fabric of the cuff in to my nose and inhaling the sweet smell of him before snuggling my way under his arm and resting my head in his lap. 

We watch the movie mostly in silence, in deference to this being out Christmas day, I have put on Scrooged, the Bill Murray classic. Although I was tempted to make Harry sit and watch my new Dunkirk DVD, my parents got it for me for Christmas and I did pop it in my suitcase, maybe I'll toture him with that tomorrow when I am feeling less fat and full of turkey I think idly as I play with the bracelet around my wrist. I can't help wondering, if he went to so much trouble to get such a perfect gift, maybe he isn't mad at me over the recent revelations and drama that I have bought in to his life. Thankfully as he's not touring at the moment, there are no interviews or press to contend with, and therefore he isn't being personally harassed to speak out on the article, but I'm sure there will have been plenty of talk on social media and no doubt Jeff has had a few choice words to say. 

“You still with me down there?” Harry's voice breaks in to my thoughts. I realise that the movie has finished and the credits are rolling and try to work out if he has said anything else that I have missed

“Sorry, in a world of my own” I say rolling on to my back to stare up at his gorgeous face. His hair is getting longer again, before long it will be falling in to those eyes that I love so much. Wait, love? Did I really think that, I know I told Harry that I am falling in love with him.. falling yes, but actually already IN love, I don't think so. Not yet, we've only known each other two months. It's too early to be feeling that strongly.. isn't it? 

“OK clearly I am not going to actually get a coherent response out of you this evening. Food coma?” Harry interrupts again

“Erm, something like that yeah” I mumble quietly. “Sorry, what would you like to talk about?” I ask making sure to focus all my attention on him

“Well. Actually, I'd like to talk to you about your new years plans” He says sitting up a little straighter on the sofa. “I understand why you feel up to coming home with me for Christmas, but, I was hoping you might be up to spending new year together? Just me and you, no family I promise” He adds quickly and I realise that my face has bunched in to a tight frown at his words so I try and relax

“ok.. I take it that you have something in mind?” I say

“Well. Thing is, I had planned to head to LA for a few weeks, enjoy the sunshine, get out of the cold here you know? And start thinking about the next tour. And I was hoping, maybe, you might want to come with me?” 

I sit bold up right nearly headbutting Harry in my haste “To LA? For a few weeks??!” I repeat dumbly “Harry I can't just go anywhere for a few weeks! I have a job remember, rent to pay..” I say way too defensively and see the disappointment sweep across his face. “I'm sorry, it's just.. LA. I never would have even considered I'd get to go to LA, let alone for New years, with you” 

“It's not a big deal honestly, I have a house there as you know, I thought maybe I'd throw a bit of a party there for New year, just a few friends, but if you'd rather not go..” 

“Harry, of course I'd like to spend New year with you, it's just.. I wasn't expecting this that's all. Let me call Mark in the morning and see if I can take any time off first ok? Then we can figure it out” 

“OK that's fine baby, if you can't get the time to go we can stay here, just as long as I'm with you, I'll be happy” 

The perfect sincerity in his eyes floors me for a moment and I forget to breathe. Can he possibly really mean that? Or am I just seeing what I want to in his expression. Plenty of time to figure that out later, right now all I want is to feel his hands on me, I lean over and kiss him lightly

“Charmer” I accuse him playfully between kisses

“You love it” 

“Hmm maybe” I admit in a whisper “How about you put those charms to good use Mr Styles? And take me to bed?” 

“Yes Ma'am, don't have to ask me twice!” He says jumping off the sofa and sweeping me up in to his arms making me squeal in surprise. 

“Wait Harry! The TV!” I remind him as we reach the living room door, he turns back, with me still in his arms, and moves back to the coffee table where he does a sort of ballet plie to lower me down to grab the remote, I quickly hit the off button and Harry turns back to the door again. But not two steps later

“Sorry Harry.. my phone.” I say gesturing to my handbag on the floor by the sofa

“Not that you're heavy baby, but maybe lets make this the last detour to lessen the risk of me dropping you eh?” He says and throws me slightly in to the air before catching me again and readjusting his grip

“Hehehe” I giggle at him “Big strong man like you.. I'm sure you can manage. How about we pop to the kitchen for a glass of water?” Apparently I've pushed my luck too far and  
that was one tease too many as Harry positions me over the sofa and drops me, arse first in to the cushions without warning. He stands up straightening his back and groaning. 

“How bout you get what you need, and I meet you in bed” He says with a wink and heads out the door. Rubbing my now rather sore arse, I grab my handbag and begrudgingly start to follow him. 

“You suck Styles” I mumble to myself

“Actually, I'm kinda hoping maybe you'll be the one doing the sucking tonight” his low voice calls out from the hallway, I can't help the laughter that bubbles up in my throat. No one makes me laugh like Harry, he's always so ready with a witty comeback or cheeky comment. I grab my glass of water from the kitchen and make my way upstairs, determining that there's one more Christmas present I want to give my cheeky boyfriend before I let him sleep.


	40. Chapter 40

“Urgh, I definitely preferred the private plane” I complain to Harry as we are climbing down the stairs of the rather large British Airways plane that we've spent the last eleven and a half hours on. Despite my reservations about this trip, I couldn't bear to disappoint Harry again like I did at Christmas, and thankfully Mark agreed that I could have the first two weeks of the year off work, as its always ridiculously quiet in the pub any ways, so here we are, on December 30th, preparing to spend our first New Years eve together, in the city of Angels. 

“So did I, especially the trip back from Copenhagen” He winks back at me playfully pulling on a strand of my hair

“Har Har. You aren't so funny after a transatlantic flight you know” I grumble

90 minutes later we finally pull up the drive way to Harry's LA house, actually 'house' isn't the right word, this place is more like a mansion, nestled away high in the Hollywood hills. Just looking at the beautiful stark white building from the driveway, I can already feel my heart rate increasing as my anxiety kicks in, I don't belong in a place like this. I really hope I don't break anything.. 

 

“Would you like the tour?” Harry asks, depositing our suitcases in the hallway of the palatial home. 

“Honestly? The only room I am interested in right now is the bedroom” 

“Really? Well wonderful! Lets go!” Harry smirks at me

“How are you so... energetic? I'm exhausted Harry. All I want at the moment is a bath and a comfy place to sleep. It doesn't even have to be a bed, just point me in the direction of a comfortable corner” I say sleepily, suppressing a large yawn. Thanks to the turbulence during our flight, I didn't manage to sleep much on the plane, my body is still very much on London time and although its just ten past 5 in the evening in LA, it feels like gone 1am to me. 

“Sorry baby, just excited to have you here that's all” Harry says kissing the top of my head gently “The sunshine always puts me in a good mood too. I know you're tired, but trust me, the quickest way to beat jet-lag is to push through it. How about some Tea?”

He takes my hand and leads me through the large entrance hall in to a huge kitchen, all white walls and black granite work tops, and settles me on to one of the low backed black leather bar stools as he sets off to make the tea. Once the kettle has boiled and he's finished, he hands me a glossy black mug full of steaming hot tea. 

“C'mon, let me show you around” 

I take his outstretched hand in my free one and follow him back out in to the entrance hall, and up a flight of wooden stairs 

“Traditionally, one starts a tour on the ground floor” I grumble as I follow him, trying not to spill my tea as I climb the polished wood. 

“Trust me, this is worth seeing first” He replies, turning back to flash me his megawatt smile. 

By the time we turn in to the room that is clearly Harry's destination, my tea has cooled enough for me to start taking small sips, at first I am so concerned with getting some caffeine in my system that I barely register my surroundings, until I catch site of the view.. In a nano second the hazy fog that has been swimming around my head since somewhere over the Atlantic lifts, and I feel my jaw drop open. We are in what is clearly the master bedroom, there is a large low bed dominating most of the room, a single chair, and a mirror propped up against one wall, but the thing that I can't take my eyes off is an amazing floor to ceiling window that dominates the far wall, showing a small balcony and beyond that, the most amazing view I have ever seen. 

“Harry, it's, breathtaking” I whisper as I slowly walk towards the window to get a better look. I can see for literally miles and miles across Los Angeles, Sky scrapers rise up in the distance, the tops of which seem to disappear in to the low scattered clouds, the sunlight reflecting from a thousand windows. 

I feel Harry's arms slide around my waist as he comes up behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder. 

“Beautiful isn't it?” He whispers in to my ear 

We stand staring at the view as I finish my tea, once I have drained the last dregs in the bottom of the cup, I turn in Harry's embrace and reach up on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly

“Thank you” I say against his plump lips

He looks back at me in confusion “For what?” 

“For bringing me here, I feel like I'm in a dream. I can't believe this is my life” I admit shyly, lowering my gaze to my feet. Within seconds I feel his strong hand gently under my chin, raising my face back to his

“How many times am I going to have to tell you not to hide your eyes from me?” he says softly. Then without warning he reaches out and pinches my arm

“Ow!” I shout in protest, pulling my arm away from him and rubbing furiously to ease the stinging

“See, you're not dreaming. All real” He laughs back at me, attempting to hide his widening grin with a hand and failing miserably. 

 

I'm not someone who normally celebrates new year as such, I guess I've never really 'got it' one year fades in to another, no magic trick happens at midnight on the 31st December that gives you a clean slate or any reason to think that anything will be any different at 12:01, it seems to me to just be a good excuse for people to party. Call me boring, but I'd rather stay home with a good book. So why on earth am I sitting in Los Angeles of all places, about to attend a party for A list actors and musicians, at the home of one of the most famous men in the world I wonder to myself idly as I pull a brush through my tangled hair.

The catering for the party is being done by an outside company, thank god, I don't fancy trying to prepare food that would be up to the standards of the kinds of people I expect to be in attendance this evening, they are even bringing the alcohol, so all that's left for Harry and I to is prepare the house. Thankfully Harry's make up artist Lou, is in LA and is due over any minute to help us. As if on cue, I hear a knock at the door and Harry and Lou's voices float up the stairs. 

“Hi Lou” I say happily to the beautiful blonde struggling in to the hallway with mountains of bags in her arms

“Katie! Great to see you again!” she says kissing me on either cheek, stepping back she glances to Harry “H, be a lamb and go get the rest of the stuff out the car” she says jingling her keys towards him “I need to have a chat with your better half here” and with that she takes my hand and leads me in to the living room as Harry shakes his head at us with a giggle and makes his way out to the car. 

“Erm, what's up?” I say shyly to Lou as she stands in front of me and reaches out to examine a strand of my hair. I've not spent a lot of time with her since I met Harry, but he never has a bad word to say about her, and, unlike some of Harry's friends, she's only ever been kind to me, but I am slightly taken aback by her familiarity. 

“I was just wondering, do you have something special to wear this evening?” She says, circling me like some kind of Tiger sizing up its prey and making me incredibly nervous. 

“Er, not really, I was just going to us wear the Gucci dress Harry bought me in London” I say sheepishly, dropping my gaze to the floor as she completes her circle and reappears in front of me

“That's what I figured. Well, we can't have that. You've already been seen in that dress Katie. So..” She pats an oversized bag hanging from her shoulder “I bought you something to try, and I was hoping you might be kind enough to let me do your hair and make up too” 

“Lou, that's really kind of you, but I am sure you have more than enough to do today as it is, you don't need to worry about me, I'll be fine. I've survived this long doing my own hair and make up” I reply, trying to dissuade her, never in my life have I had my hair and make up done by a professional for an event, and to be honest, I'm not sure I want to start now. To my amusement Lou pouts back at me, exaggerating the expression on her beautiful features to look as disappointed as possible. 

“Please Katie, please please please? I NEVER get to play with girls any more, and since Harry cut his hair, my jobs been kind of limited. Let me just try a few things, and if you don't like them, I'll leave you alone I promise” She begs me with wide puppy dog eyes. 

“Fine!” I sigh giggling at her “if it means that much to you, but don't expect to be able to work miracles, what you see is what you get with me” I say gesturing to my short slim body with very few curves and my in need of a cut brown hair. 

“Yay!” Lou says excitedly and throws her arms around my neck just as Harry walks in to the room

“Well I guess I don't need to worry that your doing a Jeff and upsetting my girl” He says to Lou as he walks around her and wrapping an arm around my waist before kissing my forehead

“pfft! As if I would” Lou admonishes him “I'm afraid that Katie and I need to go and start getting ready though. Speaking of the devil, he will be hear shortly, I'm sure you boys can manage setting up by yourselves whilst us girls go play right?” She says batting her eyelashes at Harry 

“I thought the whole point of you being here was to help get things ready for the party?” He asks her confused

“It is, I just neglected to tell you exactly WHAT I would be getting ready, and I'm afraid, it wasn't your palace here” She gestures around her and then takes my hand again 

“You're a big boy Styles, you'll be fine” She says as she gently pulls on my hand to make me follow her. I turn my head around at a bizarre angle to steal a quick kiss from Harry before she drags me out of the room and shoot him an apologetic look. He just laughs, I guess after all these years working with Lou, he's learnt not to bother trying to argue with her when she is on a mission as he just lets us go and starts unloading various bits and bobs from the mountains of bags that Lou bought with her. 

“Katie, if she gets too much just knock on the floor three times and I will come and rescue you” He teases as we make our way up the stairs and in to one of the guest rooms where Lou quickly flicks the lock on the door. 

“There, peace at last. Now, let's get to work!”


	41. Chpater 41

Three hours later and Lou has finally given me a reprieve whilst she's run down to the kitchen to fetch us something to eat, I am apparently not allowed to leave this room until she feels her work is complete, so I am sitting waiting patiently for her to return, listening to my stomach rumble in hunger. 

I feel kind of exhausted already and its only 1pm, the guests aren't even due to start arriving till 8pm, I'm starting to wonder if I'll even be awake to kiss Harry at midnight. Who knew getting pampered could be so exhausting? Every inch of my skin has been exfoliated, buffed and oiled to within an inch of its life, not to mention the waxing.. I don't know how I will ever be able to look Lou in the eye again after everything she has seen of me today. Currently I am sat on the balcony overlooking the Los Angeles sky line, waiting for the dye in my hair to be ready to be washed out. I was at least, allowed to choose the colour. Much to Lou's disgust I wouldn't even discuss the possibility of her turning me in to a blonde, but I have allowed her to put in a few subtle light brown highlights. 

Apparently we still have hair cutting to go before make up and dressing, I wonder if I can manage to grab a quick nap whilst she cuts my hair I think to myself as the door opens and Lou returns, I can hear Harry in the hallway behind her

“Seriously Lou, are you going to keep her locked up in there all day?” He says in an exasperated voice

“Yes. Seriously. Stop being such a brat Styles and go find something to occupy yourself with!” Lou replies

“Remember Katie, three knocks!!” Harry calls loudly as the door shuts in his face, hard as I try, I can't stop the grin that spreads over my face, my cheeks physically hurting from stretching so much to accommodate my wide smile. 

“He really cares about you you know, I can't remember the last time I saw him like this” Lou tells me as she hands me a plate of chicken salad which I take gratefully and start nibbling at before I even make it to the balcony table. 

“I care about him too” I say between mouthfuls “Lou, can I ask you something?” 

“Sure babe” 

“How is he doing with, well with everything since the article came out” I ask her quickly, the words tumbling out of my mouth in a rush in my embarrassment. I haven't managed to pluck up the courage to raise the subject with Harry since before our Christmas and he hasn't said anything either, but I am not naïve enough to think that he has forgotten about it or that everything Is just fine. 

“I'm not going to lie to you Katie, its been hard on him. Look, I like you, really I do, but you've got to understand, Harry is super private about his relationships. He doesn't like the press knowing any more than he allows them to know, so seeing that story about you and the photos all over the papers was really hard for him to deal with” She stops eating and places her fork on the table, sitting back to look me directly in the eyes. “Harry called me, when he was at his mums, and told me the truth behind the article, well some of it any way, he said he couldn't betray you by telling me everything but that he needed someone to talk to about it all” 

I nod my head at her, understanding. “I'm glad he talked to you Lou, I don't want him bottling things up” 

She smiles sweetly before continuing “He's scared Katie, you've been through things that he hasn't dreamed of in his worst nightmares, and he doesn't really know how to deal with it all. But he cares about you, a lot, so he wants to try and get past this. It might take him a little time to fully be over it all thought” 

“Believe me I get that, It's been years and I am not even half way to being over it, I don't expect Harry to be able to just pretend like it never happened. It's just, he doesn't bring it up to me, at all, he's mentioned it once in passing shortly after that day when I told him everything, but that was only to tell me that Jeff was trying to track Michael down to try and convince him to stop selling stories about me” 

“Yeah Jeff wants to get him to sign an NDA. None Disclosure agreement” she clarifies when she sees the confusion on my face. “I know there have been some conversations, but I don't think he's agreed to sign anything yet” She admits

“When there's still a chance he can humiliate me further, I'm not surprised. No doubt he'll drag things out for as long as he can to try and cause trouble. It's who he is” I say quietly, more to myself than Lou. She reaches across the table and pats my hand reassuringly. 

“I know Jeff isn't your favourite person, but trust me Katie, he loves Harry, he'd do anything to protect him and his career. I'm sure he'll find a way out of all this” Just then an alarm starts beeping on Lou's phone, making the small wooden table vibrate slightly. “Oooh time to rinse!” she says and just like that, we are straight back to business as she pulls me in to the en suite and starts to rinse the hair dye from my hair. 

At 8pm I hear the doorbell chime and the first of Harry's guests arrive, but instead of being downstairs to help him greet them, I am still stuck in the guest bedroom with Lou. Thankfully she has assured me that I am now done, no more poking and prodding for me this evening, but she has now run off to quickly change herself and has insisted that I wait so that she can see the look on Harry's face when he sees me. I turn in a slow circle in front of a floor length mirror and gaze at the woman staring back at me who I barely recognised at first. 

My long brown hair has been cut to hang just over my shoulders, the highlights shimmer in the bright lights in the bedroom and it's been styled to frame my heart shaped face. The make up Lou has used is stunning, I know its there, but looking at the reflection in the mirror, it barely seems noticeable, except for the smokey eye colours around my dark brown eyes, which seem to make them stand out all the more. I rarely wear much make up, normally a bit of mascara and lipstick and I am done, but Lou has put various products on me that I don't even know the names of, which seem to make my skin look radiant and glowing against. A little pale lipstick completes the look and even I had to admit.. I don't look half bad. 

By far the most stunning thing though is the beautiful lemon yellow dress Lou gave me to wear, it's calf length with a tulle skirt and a plunging neckline, backless except for a couple of criss crossing ribbons to hold the fabric in place. It isn't something I would ever have thought to pick out for myself, the colour especially would have been too bold for me to even consider. But not that I am wearing it and with the wonderful job Lou has done on my hair and make up, I feel like a princess. I can't help the desire that builds with in me and pick up the corners of the skirt in each hand and spin around in the mirror, watching it fan out around me before finally settling back against my legs. As I glance back in the mirror, I catch Lou watching me from the bathroom door

“You approve then I take it?” she says as she steps towards me, she is wearing a beautiful black floor length dress, embroidered with tiny white flowers and looks like she has just stepped out of the pages of Vogue. 

“I love it Lou, your a miracle worker. Thank you so much for today. But, really, next to you, I don't think anyone will notice me. You look stunning” I tell her as she steps forward and takes my hand. 

“Don't be silly, that lot down there are used to seeing me all the time, but you, you're the one they have all come to see tonight” She smiles as she catches sight of the look of horror that I know is passing over my face at her words and laughs “Calm down Katie, Harry and I will take care of you, now one last thing” she says as she fastens the bracelet Harry gave me for Christmas around my wrist and then steps back. 

“There. You're perfect. You ready to do this?” 

“As I'll ever be” I reply in a shaky voice, I pick up the small yellow clutch that I have hidden my inhaler and phone inside, and slide my arm through Lou's, grateful of the support as she finally unlocks the door and we step out in to the hallway. 

When we reach the bottom of the stairs, the entrance hall is already full of people, as I glance around I can see a few models that are well known enough for even me to know their names, a couple of actresses and actors, one of which I recognise from Dunkirk and a handful of musicians, I take a deep steadying breath and look around for Harry. 

“There he is” Lou says, pointing to the doorway of the kitchen where Harry has his back to me. “Come on” 

Without waiting for a response, she starts striding forward, her long legs covering the distance much more easily than mine causing me to have to speed walk to keep up with her. When we finally make our way through the crowd of people she taps Harry on the shoulder. He finishes the conversation he is in the middle of before turning slowly to face me. I can't see who he was talking to, they must be shorter than him. When our eyes meet Harry exhales, a low whistle escaping from between his teeth, but he doesn't say anything, he simply stands gawking at me for a few seconds, the time stretching on and on between us. Suddenly an unfamiliar voice cuts in through the silence

“Hazza, pick your jaw up off the floor mate and introduce me to your mrs” 

I drag my eyes away from Harry's to look at the slightly shorter man stood next to him and am surprised to see none other than one of his One direction band mates, Louis by his side. 

For a moment I think Harry isn't going to answer him, he's stood staring at me like an idiot, but eventually he snaps back to himself, taking my hand he kisses my cheek and whispers “You look breathtaking” before pulling back and turning to Louis

“Louis, this is my girlfriend, Katie Francis. Katie, Louis Tomlinson” He says as he wraps an arm lightly around my waist and beams down at me in pride. I can feel the blush creeping in to my cheeks and I am grateful for the low lighting in here. Liam has just finished hugging Lou, he turns and takes my hand and kisses it lightly. 

“Hi Katie, Harry's been raving about you for months, its good to meet you finally” He says and playfully punches Harry in the arm

“It's nice to meet you too” I manage, it seems I am finally getting a little better at this whole 'meeting celebrities' thing. At least this one didn't render me completely speechless. Louis smiles broadly and starts up a conversation with Lou, giving Harry and I chance to talk

“I missed you today” Harry tells me taking my hand and leading me in to the kitchen which is mercifully empty other than a few people in uniform who I assume are part of the catering team “I've got to hand it to Lou though, you look amazing. I hope she wasn't too hard to handle?”

“She was lovely Harry, don't worry. I actually found myself having a surprisingly good time. Hang on.. what do you mean you've got to hand it to Lou? You trying to say I don't normally look amazing?” I tease him as I take a step back and cross my arms over my chest frowning at him. 

“No! That's not what I meant at all, I just meant that you look EXTRA amazing tonight that's all” Harry stutters quickly looking ashamed of himself as he tries to make amends. As hard as I try I can't contain the smile that forces its way on to my face, when he notices, Harry looks shocked

“You were teasing me? God woman I thought I'd really offended you!” He says taking a step towards me and forcing me back against the wall

Giggling I try and squirm under his arms which he has placed against the wall level with my shoulders to try and prevent my escape, but he's too quick for me and moves forward, his legs brushing up against mine, our groins meeting, pinning me in to position. 

“It's not nice to tease” He says in a low voice, his eyes moving slowly down my face to my cleavage which is exposed by the plunging neckline of my dress. “How would you like it if I teased you?” a single finger runs down between my breasts and I shiver involuntarily in pleasure

“I think, ordinarily, I'd like it very much. But you have a house full of guests Mr Styles, it's hardly like you can disappear upstairs with me and leave them on their own” I whisper back, the heat rising in my cheeks again as he slowly strokes his other hand up and down my arm

“I think you overestimate my hosting abilities. Watch me” Harry replies, his lips are inching closer and closer to mine and I can feel his hot breath against my skin, my back arches off the wall slightly as my body stretches out to be closer to his, it's like we're two magnets being drawn to one another, I have no control over myself when he's near, my body simply takes over and reacts without my consent. As Harry's soft lips press against mine I hear a little moan escape the back of my throat and throw my arms around his neck, kissing him back passionately, I run my tongue over his bottom lip and gently tug on it with my teeth as he lets out a low growl. 

“Come” He says, pulling away from me and taking my hand in his. Before I can react, he is leading me back through the entrance hall towards the wooden staircase, past Louis, Jeff, Lou and many other faces I don't recognise. The heat rises in my face again and I can feel myself turning the colour of beetroot as people turn to glance at us but Harry just keeps moving determinedly towards his bedroom dragging me along behind him. 

He turns the key in the lock on the door and I find I am already panting with desire, the combination of the people downstairs, and the fact that I know this is neither the time or place to be doing this, add to the excitement that's already coursing through my veins. Harry approaches me slowly, his eyes roving over my body hungrily, and for once I am not self conscious, I stare back at him just as greedily, needing his hands on me, wishing he would move quicker.. I need his hands on me. When our bodies finally collide in the middle of the room I feel like someone has set me on fire. Heat rushes through me as our lips clash together forcefully, almost painfully, our need for one another taking over and wiping out all rational thought. 

Harry's hand reaches down between us slips under the fabric of my dress, grasping my breast, hard, making me squirm with the delicious combination of pleasure and pain. I can feel his erection pressing in to my leg and want nothing more than to feel him inside me. Fumbling, I undo the buttons on the black embroidered Gucci suit he is wearing and thrust my hand in to his pants, finding my target and slowly stroking him to the rhythm of the muted music emanating from somewhere downstairs. 

“Oh baby, I love feeling your hands on me” Harry moans in to my ear “There's something I want to do, do you trust me?” He asks, his voice seeming lower and deeper than usual in his arousal

I can't find my voice to respond, so settle for nodding furiously at him as I pull his head back towards me and crush my lips against his. Without warning, Harry breaks our embrace and spins me around pressing his groin against my arse and pushing me forwards towards the wall sized window on the far side of the room, the sun is setting over Los Angeles and the sky is full of the most amazing colours, burnt orange, blood red and deep yellow, if Harry hadn't already taken my breath away, I am sure this view would, but right now all I can focus on is the feel of his long hard cock against me and his hand reaching around to tug at my nipple through the thin fabric of my dress. 

“Put your hands on the glass baby” He instructs me, his breath in my ear. I quickly place my hands out in front of me and steady myself against the window, I can hear Harry's teeth ripping in to a condom packet before I see it tossed to the floor beside us. 

“You ready for me?” He asks, sliding a hand down my arse and up under the fabric of my dress. He pulls aside the lace underwear I am wearing and slides one of his long fingers deep inside me, the feeling is exquisite but I want more “oh baby, you're SO ready”

“Yes.. Harry, please..” I moan in to the glass, begging him to enter me. I feel him grasp a handful of my skirt and hold it up against my back, making me bend forward slightly, then, suddenly and without warning, he plunges in to me, hard and deep. My eyes snap closed as he fills me, over and over, roughly claiming my body as his own with each powerful thrust

“Open your eyes baby” Harry says, and I do to find the reflection of his boring in to mine from the glass window “Enjoy the view” He says through gritted teeth as he thrusts in to me again and I cry out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. 

My legs start to shake as my body builds and I feel myself tightening around him, flying higher and higher as his perfect teeth graze against my neck and he lets out a low moan. I watch his reflection in fascination as his eye lids flicker and his expression intensifies and it is my undoing, I fall apart around him, calling out his name as he tightens his arm around my waist, clutching me to him, and let's go deep inside of me.


	42. Chapter 42

It took me a little while to manage to compose myself, and even longer for Harry to convince me that we needed to rejoin the party, despite the fact that everyone who saw us disappear upstairs will have known exactly what we were doing. Thankfully no one has mentioned it since we came back down an hour or so ago. In that time Harry has introduced me to person after person, I've already forgotten most of their names, but everyone has been gracious and kind to me, and with Harry's hand firmly grasping mine I have managed to keep my self together and respond politely to everyone we have spoken to, I may even be starting to enjoy myself. 

As a waiter walks by with a tray of champagne Harry reaches out and grabs us both a glass its the first time he's let go of my hand all night and the cool air against my bare skin feel foreign to me, I'm grateful when, after passing me my glass, Harry slips his fingers back around mine and gives me a reassuring squeeze, just as Jeff approaches us. I knew we wouldn't be able to avoid him all night, but I must admit I had been doing my best to stay as far away from him as possible up until now. 

“H!” Jeff says, reaching out and throwing an arm around Harry's broad shoulder “Someone you've got to meet!” 

Great, he's drunk, I have enough trouble tolerating sober Jeff I think to myself as he steers Harry towards a tall blonde with her back to us, me tottering along behind them in my high heels, my hand still in Harry's. Jeff taps the woman on the shoulder, harder than I would think is necessary to get her attention and she turns looking annoyed, but as soon as she catches sight of Harry her expression changes and she smiles coquettishly at him and bats her eyelashes. 

“Harry! So nice to meet you!” She says in a high pitched American accent “I hope you don't mind me crashing your party when Jeff here told me where he was going tonight I simply begged him to bring me along” I am astounded when she leans forward and kisses Harry's cheek, missing his mouth by mere millimetres. For Christ's sake, she's brazen, I'm stood right here! 

“Erm hi..err “ Harry begins, stumbling when he realises he doesn't know the girl's name

“Sarah” she chimes in “Sarah Jordan. You probably recognise me from the latest Yves St Laurent campaign? I'm the face of their winter collection” 

Great, she's a model. No wonder she looks like she hasn't had a decent meal in weeks I think, then quickly admonish myself for being cruel. She's probably a perfectly nice person, even if she is friends with Jeff. After all, he's Harry's friend too, he must have some redeeming qualities whether he chooses to show them to me or not. 

“Right, Sarah, nice to meet you. This is my girl..” Harry starts but again she cuts him off, speaking loudly over his attempt to introduce me and linking her arm through his spare one

“Your house is gorge, by the way, wanna give me a tour?” Before either of us can do anything to stop her, she tugs at Harry's arm and pulls him with her towards the balcony doors, I guess she wants the outside tour. Harry flashes me an apologetic glance as our hands are pulled apart and the connection between us broken. I try and smile back at him, but then I remember who I've been left with and a chill goes down my spine. 

“Still here then?” Jeff asks, just like he did when he caught me in Harry's bedroom before he headed off to China. 

“Are you going to ask me that every time we run into each other Jeff? Surely the answer is pretty obvious” I snap back at him, hoping that if I can assert myself straight off, he won't push too hard and end up spoiling this night for me. Unfortunately, I can see by the look he shoots back at me that isn't going to happen. 

“Ha!” He laughs loudly “Well don't get too comfortable, it's time Harry moved on don't you think? After all the trouble you've caused him” he looks over his shoulder to where Harry and Sarah are stood on the balcony, she is laughing at something he's said and running her hand up and down him arm “Looks like their getting on, and.. Sarah seems to have forgotten all about getting a tour already. I guess Harry distracted her” Jeff finishes and smiles at me before turning and striding away. 

Shit. What is he playing at? Is this Jeff's way of trying to split us up? Distract Harry with a pretty blonde and hope he forgets all about me? Before I can think too much about it a hand brushes my arm and Louis appears in front of me.

“Has Hazza actually let you out of his sight for five minutes?” He chuckles “I was starting to think his hand had become glued to yours somehow” 

“Yeah, it seems he got... distracted” I say nodding towards the open doors that Harry and Sarah are just walking back through 

“Ah, one of Jeff's 'friends'” Louis asks me

“Sarah, she's a model apparently” I shrug, trying not to let my jealousy show too much, I only met Louis a couple of hours ago and as nice a guy as I am sure he is, I'm not ready to open up to him just yet. 

“Katie, Harry's crazy about you, you've got nothing to worry about. Every time I've spoken to him for weeks, all I hear is 'Katie this and Katie that' besides, you've only got to look at the bloke to see how smitten he is, been a long while since I've seen him like this” He says reassuringly

I try and smile back at him, grateful for his reassurance even if I can't quite believe that I can compete with a woman like her, but Sarah's loud voice carries across the small space pulling my attention away

“I love this song! Dance with me?” She says loudly to Harry and takes his hand as she begin's swaying her hips in time to the dance track playing, my eyes shoot to Harry and I can see that he looks a bit taken aback, unsure what to do, but he's too kind to outright rebuff her in front of all these people so he begins to dance with her, keeping a respectful distance but after a few moments he seems to relax a bit and starts to smile as he bops along to the music. I look back to Louis

“Seems like he's quite happy” I say quietly and head out of the room. I don't need to watch this woman trying to entice my boyfriend. I walk quickly through the crowd of people in the hallway, heading for the stairs but just as I reach them I feel a hand settle on my wrist. Instinctively I yank it back, losing my footing in the process and falling down on the bottom stair with a thud. 

“I'm so sorry babe I didn't mean to startle you!” Lou's voice rings out in front of me

“It's OK” I say standing up and trying to straighten my dress “I just need to get something from upstairs” I blurt out, too quickly, blowing any chance there was that Lou hadn't already noticed I'm upset

“Aww babe, don't worry about H, come back and enjoy the party!” She says, and I notice she is swaying slightly as she grabs the banister to steady herself

“Really Lou, I just need a minute to myself OK”

“But it's nearly midnight!” she calls as I turn and sprint up the stairs as fast as I can manage without tripping over my own feet again. 

When I reach the door to Harry's room I hesitate, unsure this is where I want to be right now the way I am feeling, after what we were doing in here just a couple of hours ago. But I need fresh air, so I push open the door and head out on to the balcony, gulping in the cool LA night air and taking a puff on my inhaler as I lean against the railing. As much as I didn't like seeing Harry dancing with Sarah, I think the thing that's upset me the most are Jeff's words, it's like he read my mind when he said I had already caused Harry enough trouble. Haven't I been worrying about the very same thing since Michael went to the papers? Maybe he would be better off with someone like Sarah, someone who's used to camera's flashing in her face, travelling the world and celeb parties, someone who's beauty would be equal to Harry's, they make a handsome couple I think to myself as I reach down and absent-mindedly play with the bracelet around my wrist. 

I don't hear the door to the bedroom open, I'm too lost in my own melancholy, staring out into the distance at the twinkling lights shining from the high rise buildings, when he speaks I jump and nearly drop my glass over the balcony. 

“I've been looking everywhere for you! It's quarter to midnight, come back down so I can kiss my girlfriend as the clock strikes” Harry says, appearing beside me and resting his arms on the ledge next to mine. 

“Harry, you shouldn't be up here, go and enjoy your party. I'll be down soon I promise” I reply, running my thumb over the rose charm on my wrist. 

“Uh-oh. You're playing with the rose, your thinking about something, What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?” He asks as he takes my hand and places it on top of his, guiding my fingers to his ring so that I can toy with his rose instead of my own

“Nothing. It's just. I don't belong here Harry” I sigh, I'm too exhausted to try and come up with an excuse for hiding away, I still don't feel over my jet lag and it's been a really long day. 

“What? Of course you do! What are you talking about? Is this because I danced with Sarah? It was just one dance Katie, I didn't want to be rude, but you know I'd much rather have been dancing with you” He says, sliding a finger under my chin to raise my face to look at him

“You looked good together” I confess quietly as our eyes meet

“Katie.. look, I've done the model thing ok? Sure Sarah's beautiful, and I'm sure she's a nice girl, but she isn't what I want. I want someone.. real. I want you” 

His voice is full of sincerity as he gazes down into my eyes and I want to believe him, I really do, but... No Katie now is not the time, I admonish myself. It's New years eve, there are 60 odd people downstairs, all here to celebrate with Harry, your being selfish keeping him up here babysitting you. 

“Sorry, I'm being silly. Let's go downstairs” I reply taking his hand and moving towards the door. 

When we rejoin the party, everyone has congregated on the balcony outside, there are hundreds of paper Chinese lanterns lined up on the table, each with a small tea light candle inside. The DJ has even followed everyone out here and is standing with his microphone, ready to count down to the new year. 

“60 seconds everyone!!” He calls out. I see couples slowly move towards one another, groups clasp hands in small circles, James Corden lifts one of his tired daughters on to his hip and points at the fireworks going off in the distance. I feel Harry take my hand. 

“10 seconds! 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” the DJ calls “Happy new year!” 

I hear the clinks of champagne glasses and people celebrating all around me, but as I look up into Harry's eyes, all the sounds fade away. It's as if we are out here perfectly alone. I reach up on my tip toes as he lowers his head and kisses me deeply. This kiss doesn't set me on fire like the ones from earlier this evening, instead, it invokes a feeling that I can't quite put my finger on. It's like, suddenly, everything is right with the world. When his lips gently press against mine all I can feel is pure happiness, I try and pour all my feelings back into the kiss, hoping that he can feel just a little bit of what he makes me feel. Safe, desired, cared for. As his long fingers caress the sides of my face and he starts to pull away, a cacophony of sounds come rushing back into my ears as the world around us re-materialises. 

“Happy new year darling” Harry says quietly, leaning his forehead against mine

“Happy new year” I reply gazing deep into his hypnotic green eyes.


	43. Chapter 43

Harry's perspective

When I wake up the morning after New years eve I am surprised to find the bed around me empty until I glance at the clock on my bedside table, 11am dammit! I never let myself sleep this long, regardless of what a late night I've had. I guess Katie must be up and about all ready as there is no sign of her, I suppose I had better drag myself up and see what trouble my overnight guests have managed to cause whilst I have been sleeping. 

I drag myself up and go to retrieve a pair of shorts that are hanging over the back of the oversized armchair in the corner and hear a noise coming from the garden, looking out the window I spot Katie, she looks stunning as always, in a simple yellow tank top and shorts, her hair pulled up in a messy bun on the top of her head, I step out on to the balcony to get a closer look and am greeted by the happy sound of Casey, James daughter, laughing and squealing as she runs around the deck playfully trying to avoid Katies outstretched arms as she chases her. When she finds herself backed in to a corner, Katie appears and sweeps the little one up in to her arms and tickles her as she struggles to break free. Soon Max, Casey's big brother appears and starts attacking the back of Katies legs with a plastic pirate sword, I try to smoother the laughter building in my throat as Katie places Casey on the ground carefully before succumbing to a fatal stab wound by Max, who raises his sword in victory as my girl dramatically falls to the ground her hands clutching at her fake stomach wound. I can't help myself and call out to Max

“Max! Did you just kill my girlfriend?” I say in mock horror

His tiny voice calls back up “Sorry Harry, but she was attacking my sister” 

I see Katie look up at me shyly, clearly she didn't realise she had an audience as her cheeks blush a beautiful pink in embarrassment and she lowers her eyes to the ground. Within moments though, both the children jump on top of her and start calling out for her to “Do it again! Do it again!” Her carefree giggle reaches my ears as she succumbs to their demands and restarts the game. 

I haven't seen her look so relaxed since before her arsehole ex went to the papers, not that she's been miserable or anything, but the spark in her eyes has dulled somewhat lately, and it's wonderful to see her letting lose and having some fun. It drags me back to my second London show, when I invited her after meeting her the night before when she was taken ill. She had seemed sweet on the car journey home and the fact that she spoke to me like I was just a normal guy, endeared me to her, I had hoped we might become friends, but I never expected to fall as hard for her as I have, so fast.

I remember looking up at the balcony, trying to spot her through the bright lights and sea of faces in the crowd during Carolina. I always love to catch people dancing at my shows when they don't think I'm looking, seeing them truly enjoying the music I've helped create and losing themselves in the moment is one of my favourite things to witness, but something about Katie intrigued me. She was dancing away happily with Mel, swaying her hips easily to the rhythm and smiling from ear to ear, she looked as though she could have been dancing alone in her living room with her best friend, it was such a transformation from the shy woman who had barely managed to say two words to me in the dressing room before the show, and I could feel myself being drawn to her. 

Trying to bring myself back to the present I wander back in to the bedroom and close the balcony door, stopping for just a moment in front of the window and noticing the small hand prints smudged on to the glass. I can feel the smile creeping across my face. Since I first bought this house I've been desperate to make love looking out over this amazing view, I'm glad it's Katie that I had that experience with, I can feel my cock stirring as I replay the events in my memory and figure that's my queue to shower and cool off. 

When I finally make it downstairs twenty minutes or so later, I find James sitting in the kitchen drinking a coffee, I quickly grab myself one and take a seat next to him. 

“Morning mate” He says looking up from his phone 

“Morning. Not that I'm complaining, but I thought you guys would have had to head off by now” I reply

“Yeah we should have left an hour ago really, but Max and Casey were so happy playing with Katie that I couldn't bear to drag them away. We'll be heading off shortly though, Jules has just taken Max and the baby upstairs to make sure we've got everything” James says stifling a yawn “I tell ya, that girl of yours is a godsend. The kids were out here playing with her from 8am. 8 bloody am on New years day. Mad. She insisted Jules and I go back to bed. Can't remember the last time I've actually gotten to still be in bed that late” 

“She's certainly one of a kind that's for sure” I tell him “I must admit, I had no idea she was so kid orientated until I spotted them playing from the balcony though, is she still out there?” 

“Yeah with Casey, I best go grab her in a second actually” He says glancing at his watch

“I'll go find her for you, I want to say good morning to Katie anyways, before its not actually morning any more” I say nodding back at his watch which shows me its nearly midday. 

I wander out to the deck to find Katie, it takes me a few seconds to spot her, lying on a sun lounger in the shade. As I get closer I realise that she is fast asleep, as is Casey who is curled up on her chest making cute little snuffly noises as she breathes through her wide open mouth. I guess the game really took it out of both of them. I bend and kiss her lightly on the top of her head, smoothing a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. She stirs and her big bambi like brown eyes flutter open to meet mine. 

“Good morning” I say quietly so as to not wake Casey “I guess witnessing a murder is tiring business” I continue, nodding at the sleeping child. Katie glances at Casey and snuggles the sleeping bundle closer to her, pulling what I realise is her own jumper which she must have taken off to wrap around the little one, so that it covers one of her podgy legs which seems to have escaped. 

“Hehe I guess it was fairly tiring for both of us” she giggles back “What time is it?” 

“Nearly midday, James is heading off in a minute so I'm afraid he's going to need his daughter back” I tease her 

“Nooo. She's mine” Katie answers playfully, tightening her hold around the bundle in her arms

“Sorry baby but I think Jules might have a few things to say about that” 

Slowly Katie struggles to stand, refusing to let me take Casey from her arms, clearly she's determined to hold on to her for as long as possible and remembering the horrible conversation in my bedroom a couple of weeks ago where she admitted she'd lost her own child, I decide not to push her. I follow her slowly in to the kitchen trying to not let the anger from her revelations creep back in, I swear if I had my way I'd have gone and found that bastard and showed him how it feels to be on the receiving end of a fist. I'm not generally a violent person, I'd much rather discuss a problem than resort to fighting, but I'd make an exception for him after what he did to her. 

“Oh bless look at you two” James says as Katie enters the kitchen “I can't thank you enough for keeping them entertained this morning Katie” 

“It was my pleasure, honestly, their both lovely children James” She replies and reluctantly allows James to prise the sleeping Casey from her arms 

“Well anytime your in the neighbourhood, feel free to come round and see them, I'm sure they'd love it” James replies 

“James? Are you ready?” Jules calls from the doorway “Morning Harry, finally dragged yourself out of bed eh?” she says to me 

“Hi Jules, yeah.. sorry I've not been a very good host” I reply sheepishly

“Don't worry about it, Katie looked after us just wonderfully. But we really better get going now” Jules answers

We say our goodbyes, which takes longer than I'd expect as is takes quite a bit of convincing to get Max to release his hold from around Katies waist and agree to get in the car. 

“Seems like you've made a couple of new friends this morning” I say to Katie, taking her hand and leading her back out on to the deck to enjoy the early afternoon sunshine. 

“I guess so” she replies brightly “they really are lovely kids” 

“ Have you seen anyone else yet this morning?” I ask cautiously, hoping that Jeff hasn't been making a nusicance of himself already 

“Nope. I guess they're all having a lie in, I'm not even sure who else ended up staying?” 

“Jeff's upstairs somewhere I think, but I'm pretty sure everyone else headed home after the party, I know you think this place is some kind of mansion, but there really are only so many bedrooms” I tell her with a smile

“Was there anything you wanted to do today?” She asks me as we settle on to the same lounger that her and Casey just vacated and she rests her head against my shoulder

“Actually, Jeff wanted to have a chat about something before he goes, a work related something apparently, but other than that nope” 

We lay in the sunshine quietly for a few minutes enjoying the peace and quiet, until I hear Jeffs voice break through the sound of the bird chirping in the trees. 

“Morning” He says gruffily, pulling a pair of sunglasses over his eyes before falling on to the lounger next to us. 

“Afternoon actually” I tease him “feeling a bit sensitive today?” 

“I've felt better” he answers me

“Did you still want to talk today then? Or would you rather wait?” 

“I'll be fine. Just let me have my coffee and wake up a bit” He says and pulls himself up slightly straighter on the lounger 

“I'll leave you boys to it then” Katie says as she rises to her feet

“You don't have to go” I say taking her hand and smiling as I see the bracelet I gave her for christmas twinkle in the light from the sun 

“It's fine, I'm exhausted actually, I think I'll take a bath and have a nap if that's ok? Wake me later?” she asks me and bends down to lightly press her lips to mine. As soon as our skins touch a warm feeling spreads throughout my body and I don't want to break the connection, but she backs away all too quickly 

“Ok” I aquiese, I can't help but watch her small frame as she walks away from me and back in to the house, a big part of me wishes I could follow her and join her for that bath.. Later Styles I chastise myself and turn to Jeff 

“Come on then, spit it out. What's so important that we have to talk about it on New years day?”


	44. Chapter 44

“You cannot be serious” I say to Jeff, trying to keep my voice level. 

“It's not like you haven't done it before mate. And if this girl is so important, wouldn't it be easier if she was kept out of the public eye for a while?”

“Let me get this straight, you want me to pretend that I am dating Sarah.. get papped with her, spend time with her in public.. in order to protect Katie? Why am I having a hard time believing that?” I ask him exasperated, the frustration starting to creep through in my words

“Look, you know I'm not Katie's biggest fan. But what do you expect? H you've known the girl for five minutes! None of us really know her or understand what it is about her that's got you so whipped. And it's my Job to protect your career mate, it's what you pay me for remember? I just think Sarah is the more sensible, public, choice at the moment” Jeff replies, he has repositioned himself on his lounger so that he is sat facing me and I try and read the thoughts behind his eyes to figure out his real motivation in all this. 

“I know its all happening fast Jeff, believe me. But I can't help how I feel about her, and to be honest, I don't fucking want to. She's an amazing woman, and if you just gave her a chance you'd see...” 

“I'd see what H? All I see is a troubled girl with a complicated past who's wormed her way in to your heart. Given everything that's gone on the last couple of months, can you blame me?? Tell me what I should see!” He says in a low voice. 

I can see in his eyes that he wants to try and understand, and I realise that I haven't really told him much about Katie since I met her, subconsciously I guess I kept things back from him after the way he treated her at the theatre, it was clear then he wasn't going to be supportive and it put me off of going to him to gush about her. I stand and start to pace the deck, trying to gather my thoughts and work out how I can explain to him just how much this girl means to me without sounding like a complete dick. 

“Sorry. I guess I haven't exactly felt like I can come to you to talk about her after, well after you made your feelings about our relationship perfectly clear from the start” I notice Jeff nodding to my words and take a deep breath before continuing “When I first met Katie, I just liked the fact that she treated me like a normal person, you know? She talked to me about hobbies, music, movies... life. Not just about what its like to be me, she didn't bombard me with hundreds of questions or just seem interested because of what I do, it felt like she liked me for me. I thought maybe I could make a new friend But when she came to the second show.. I was watching her dancing and she was just so beautiful, I can't explain it, I felt drawn to her somehow. I had to know more about her” 

I walk back to the lounger next to Jeff and sit down facing him, resting my arms on my knees and lacing my fingers together, I notice that I have absent-mindedly been playing with the rose ring on my finger that Katie is so found of and I smile to myself as I think about all the little things that have drawn me to her. She's so caring, the way she looked after Mel when her drink got spiked at Chris' club, how scared she was. Even the day she told Mel and I about her past, she was much more concerned with how we were going to react and our feelings on it all than her own, she's always putting everyone else's needs first. I love the fact that she carries around a battered old copy of her favourite book everywhere she goes, I've offered to replace it a dozen times, I even went as far as trying to source her an early edition for Christmas before I realised that its her comfort blanket, like my journal is to me. She wouldn't want a pristine copy that's too precious to be kept anywhere other than a shelf, she says books are for reading, not to be looked at. 

“I know what you think about her Jeff, I know you think she's just in this for the money or the fame or whatever, but if you spent some time with her you'd see, that couldn't be further from the truth. I took her to Gucci a few weeks back and she just sat perched on the edge of this sofa terrified to touch anything until I dragged her up. When I tried to show her some clothes, thinking I'd buy her something, she was horrified. She jumped like she'd been struck by lighting when she saw the price tags on the items” I don't think I'll ever forget her embarrassment when she realised the Sales guy had overheard our conversation and she told him she was 'new here' I think to myself, I want Jeff to like her, to understand what it is that's drawn me to her, but I don't want to give away all the little secret's I've picked up about her over the last few weeks, somethings I want to keep for myself. 

“H, say you are right. Say this girl is something special. Maybe protecting her by going through with this stunt with Sarah is the right thing? She's already been through enough in the press and I'm sure you don't want a repeat of that last article” Jeff replies, he looks sincere and I start to question if he's right, would this be the best way to protect Katie from any further issues with the press? 

“I don't want to hurt her” I say quietly “She's been hurt enough already. But she has trust issues, she told me that one of the first nights we hung out together. And I don't want to make that worse by parading around with another woman” 

“Just think about it ok H? Please? And I'll think about what you've told me and try and go easier on her. Deal?” Jeff asks sticking out his hand. I take it and shake it lightly, holding the connection for longer than I really need to. I don't want to argue with Jeff, sure he's my manager, but he's also my friend, and I hate that we've been estranged these past few weeks. 

“Deal. I'll think about it, and I'll talk to Katie. Just don't do anything stupid until I've had chance to ok?” I say standing up from my lounger and stretching

“OK mate OK. I'm gonna head off, my heads fucking killing me I need to get out of this sunshine” He says gesturing to the bright afternoon LA sky surrounding us. 

“No worries. I'll call you later ok?” I say giving him a hug and heading back in to the house, the conversation has taken longer than I expected and all I want to do now is go and find my girl. 

I open the bedroom door gently, trying to make as little noise as possible so as to not wake her. One of my favourite things to do is watch her sleep. She's struggled with nightmares every single night I've spent with her, and I am betting all the ones in between too, and although she still hasn't opened up and told me what they're about yet, I know the restless nights really get to her though, so seeing her sleeping peacefully warms my heart. 

I approach the bed slowly, letting my eyes run over every inch of her. She's lying on her side facing me in her tank and shorts, cuddling one of my pillows, her beautiful face nestled in to the fabric, her mouth hanging slightly open, I can hear the slight wheeze emanating from her chest as she exhales and see that she has her inhaler clutched in her hand, I hate that she suffers so much with her Asthma. Seeing her have an attack at my show was hard, but I didn't know her then, but seeing her go through the one in my kitchen the other week after I'd been tickling her, knowing I had caused it, was one of the hardest things I've had to witness in a while. It's difficult being so utterly helpless and not knowing what to do. I spent some of my down time between shows reading up on the best things I can do to help her when she's unwell and learning more about the condition. I have an inhaler that I find myself needing on stage occasionally, but its nothing compared to what Katie goes through and I want to be prepared next time. 

Pushing the dark thoughts from my mind, I climb in to the bed next to her and move the ever present stray strand of hair from her eyes. She stirs slightly, and sensing my arrival dis-guards the pillow she is cuddling and wraps her arms around my waist. The feel of her body pressed against mine sends a warmth running through my veins and it takes all my will power not to flip her over and slide myself between her long, slightly tanned legs. But I resist, as much as I want to be inside her, she needs to sleep. Later Styles, I tell myself as I stare out the window in to the view over Los Angeles and think over my conversation with Jeff. 

Is he right? Would getting papped a couple of times with his model actually help Katie? I know only too well what jackarses the press can be and god knows between them and her idiot ex, she's been dragged through the papers enough already. Maybe getting the heat off her for a while would be a good thing. I'd have to be careful though, make sure she knows that it's just for show, I don't want her thinking I am going to leave her, I've made that mistake before, let her get the wrong end of the stick because I can't find the right words to explain what I'm thinking and I know she's already insecure about our relationship. Gazing down at her, I can't imagine why, I wish I could let her see herself through my eyes for a few hours, maybe then she'd have a little more faith in us, and in herself.


	45. Chapter 45

Katie's Perspective

 

"Don't know how you taste when there's  
Smoke in your perfume  
So chew me up and spit me out  
Nothing left to lose  
I don't want your sympathy  
But you don't know what you do to me  
Oh Anna  
Every time I see your face  
There's only so much I can take  
Oh Anna"

The sound of Harry's voice fills my ears asI enter the living room to find him sat cross-legged on the floor, guitar in hand. Playing an uptempo song I haven't heard before...

"Working on something new?" I ask, taking a seat on the sofa 

"Na, we wrote this in Jamaica actually, it didn't make the album but I'm debating performing it at the arena shows, what do you think? We need to add a few tracks, the shows are gonna be longer" He replies continuing to strum away on his guitar, sometimes I'm not even sure if he's aware he's still playing, it is like his hands have a mind of their own

"It sounds great to me! But should I be concerned you're singing a song with another woman's name in it... again?" I tease him

"Har har, no reason for jealousy love, it's just the name that fits well with the melody that's all" 

"Ahh, so not a repeat of Carolina then?" I used to love that song before I found out more about the story behind the lyrics, kind of took the shine off it for me as now every time Harry sings it I picture him with another woman, Townes, the woman Harry thought was so amazing that he wrote a song about her after just one date, but who turned him down for a second, clearly she's not as bright as he makes out she is in the lyrics I think to myself and stiffle a giggle. He puts his guitar on the floor and makes his way over to the side of the sofa, shuffling along on his knees, once he reaches me he rests along-fingered hand on each of my thighs and gives me one of his very sincere, very intense stares, for a moment I lose track of my thoughts, getting lost in those beautiful eyes. The power he has over me is quite scary at times. 

"Baby.. everyone writes from experience, I can't write anything other than what I know," He says in a soothing voice

"I know, I know, I'm only teasing you"I reply reaching up to run my fingers through his hair, it's getting longer again, a few stray curls are starting to form at the ends. "Do me a favour though, and don't try and put my name in any of your songs. Nothing rhymes with Katie" 

"Hmm I could shorten it though.. lots of things rhyme with Kate... Mate? Late? Ate? .. Skate?" Harry laughs back at me

"Yes, Hate, weight, and grate do to.. so you can write me a lovely song about how much you dislike me and how fat I am AFTER we split up" I tease him 

"I wish you wouldn't do that," He says, his face falling into a frown and his eyebrows knitting together, the skin between them puckering adorably. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not going anywhere?"

"Until I believe you? Another few thousand atleast!" I say back smiling at him, trying to lighten the mood, I don't want to upset him, or open up an intense conversation, but I can't help that I find it hard to believe that someone like him is going to be happy with me long term.

It's ten days into the new year and Harry and I have been happily hidden away in his LA mansion for nearly two weeks now, in just a couple of days, I will have to head home to dreary, cold London and leave him behind. He has some prep to do for the new tour and won't be coming back to the UK until just before his birthday at the beginning of February. I'm struggling with the idea of leaving. 

Especially since he dropped the bombshell on me about Jeff's little 'stunt' idea a few days ago. My mind drifts back to the awkward conversation we had about it over dinner. 

"A 'Stunt girlfriend' I didn't even know that was a thing," I say lowering my fork back to my plate still loaded with food, my appetite having suddenly disappeared.

"Yeah well, sometimes it can be helpful to have the press, and the fans actually, focussing on someone else for a while, when things get a bit intense and I need some privacy... Rightly or wrongly, it's fairly standard practice in the industry" Harry tells me

"And this 'girlfriend' would be that model? Sarah?" I ask quietly, why oh why does it have to be the stunning blonde with legs up to herarmpits I think to myself.   
"Jeff thinks she would be a suitable option, yes, and she's happy to do it, the publicity would be good for her" 

"OK, so let me get this straight, you two would pretend to be dating, get photographed together a few times to make the press think you are together, in turn, Sarah gets some free publicity and you and I get some peace?" I ask him summing up the situation as I see it. 

"That's about the size of it yeah. But I won't agree to it unless you're OK with the idea, it's supposed to protect you, not hurt you. So if you don't want me to do it just be honest with me" Harry answers  
"Can I think about it?" I ask in a low voice "This is all kind of new to me"

"Of course baby, of course. I just need to know before you head home" 

Since then I've had trouble thinking of anything other than this pretend relationship Jeff wants to set up, no, not a relationship I scold myself, more of a photo op really. They won't actually be spending time together or going on dates or anything, just a couple of public outings where the paparazzi will be informed where they're going to be so they can grab a few snaps. I can see the logic behind it, especially from Jeff's point of view, Michael going to the papers caused a lot of trouble for him and Harry and with the world arena tour due to start up again in just a couple of months time, it would be better if the focus was on Harry's music rather than his awkward rumoured girlfriend. 

As Harry takes his seat back down on the floor, crossing his long gets and starting to strum away on his guitar, I try and decide what I am going to tell him. Part of me thinks that this might be best for him, and I must admit that selfishly, I wouldn't mind losing the sensation of panic that rises in my chest every time I see an article with Harry's name in the headline, wondering if it's going to be another expose on my old life. But the other part of me... the part of me that has been screaming loudly for weeks now that Harry being with me makes absolutely no sense at all, is terrified. What if this stunt makes him realise that someone like Sarah would be a lot less trouble as a girlfriend that I can ever be? 

Harry's voice breaks through my thoughts as he starts singing a song I recognise

"Well I guess it would be nice  
If I could touch your body..  
If I could touch your body" 

"Is that George Michael?" I ask him

"Yep, the chords are sampled in this song, listen" He replies and plays through the chorus of Anna again before launching into a little bit of Faith without missing a beat.

"I don't want your sympathy   
but you don't know what you do to me  
oh Anna..   
Well I guess it would be nice  
If I could touch your body  
I know not everybody   
has got a body like you" 

"See?" He says, continuing to play the song on his rather battered looking acoustic guitar

"Ooh! I love Faith. Will you play me your whole song?" I ask him slouching down off the sofa and joining him on the floor. I love listening to Harry sing like this, sure he is amazing on stage, but there is something magical about watching just him and a guitar in his living room. A small giggle rises in my throat as I realise how many women around the world would happily tear my hair out if it meant they could switch places with me right now. 

"What's so funny?" Harry enquires looking up at me with his eyebrows knitted together

"I was just thinking how lucky I am, that's all," I tell him, leaning forward to plant a kiss on his perfect lips. Harry shrugs, clearly confused by my answer and resumes playing, by the second chorus I can't help myself from singing along with him, it's an infectious song, the melody is so catchy and despite the melancholy lyrics, it has a real 'feel good' vibe about it. The fans are going to love this I think to myself idly as I try and put all thoughts of Jeff and Sarah out of my head and enjoy this time with my boyfriend. 

It's the first time I have attempted to sing along with one of Harry's little practice sessions, and he's clearly a little taken aback, occasionally he tries to lower the volume of his own, much stronger and better voice to hear me, but I purposefully stop singing whenever he does, teasing him. 

"Why do you do that," He asks exasperated, breaking off playing midway through the last chorus

"Do what?" I reply innocently

"Try and stop me from hearing you. I love hearing you sing. And hearing you sing one of MY songs.. well that's just sexy as hell" He says and pulls me on to his lap, dis-guarding hisguitar  
The heat from his breath on my neck sends a delicious shivers down my spine as he nuzzles into my hair. 

"I thought you wanted to sing?" I accuse him pulling away slightly "You aren't going to get any practice done if you keep distracting me like this.." 

"Suddenly I'm in the mood to do something else"He teases pulling his face out from my hair to look at me, he bends towards me slowly, staring into my eyes as he reaches up to cup my cheek in his hand. By the time his lips touch mine I am already breathless with anticipation, I kiss him back greedily, enjoying every moment. I keep waiting for his kisses to stop making me feel so giddy and light-headed, but each time the feeling just intensifies, one of these days I swear he's going to make me orgasm just by kissing me. 

"Is it always like this?" I ask him as we reluctantly break our kiss in order to catch our breath. The only other 'real' relationship I've been in was with Michael and kissing him, even in our early, happy days, never made me feel this way. Sure I have kissed other guys.. despite what Mel likes to think, I am not now, nor have I ever been a nun. But none of them came close to causing the sensations that struggle within me whenever Harry's lips touch mine. His forehead pressed against mine, I can feel from his quick breaths on my face that he is struggling just as much as I am

"No. Not in my experience anyways" He answers, pulling back just enough to look into my eyes "Do you remember the first time I kissed you?" He asks me quietly 

"Of course" I reply

"I told you then that I could have stayed kissing you all night. I think I'd like to amend that to forever" He says sweetly in a low voice 

I feel the heat filling my cheeks at his words and remember the text message he sent me that night in his house in London 

"I could have stayed kissing you all night. Looking forward to tomorrow. Sleep sweet H x" 

I don't think I'll ever forget that evening, long after Harry has come to his senses and found someone much more suitable to be with, I will still open up that text on my phone and remember what it felt like to kiss him. Harry presses his lips back to mine one last time before stepping back and leaning casually against the wall, folding his arms across his chest and making the tattoos on them pop out at me. 

"How would you feel about a little overnight trip away before you go home?" He asks me suddenly, changing the topic so quickly it takes me a moment to catch up with him

"Erm, sure.. what did you have in mind?" 

"C'mon Katie, you know how this works by now" He winks at me "You'll have to wait and see!" And with that, he launches back into 'Anna' bouncing around the living room as he strums on his guitar. 

"Don't know where you're laying  
Just know its not with me  
Don't know what I'd tell you if  
I passed you on the street.   
I don't want your sympathy   
but you don't know what you do to me  
Oh Anna"


	46. Chapter 46

The next morning I make my way slowly to the bathroom for a shower, as always my nightmares disturbed me last night and despite Harry's best attempts, he ended up singing three songs to me, even his soothing voice couldn't manage to lull me back to sleep. I laid awake for hours unable to remove the images from the hospital from my mind. This time it kept showing me the strange red smokey vortex that I pictured in my dreams when I was unconscious. Like all my other nightmares, this is one I have had many times since I woke up in the hospital, but something about it feels darker, more disturbing, it seems to pop into my subconscious less often but the after effects are always worse than with some of my other dreams. 

In the nightmare, I am lying on my hospital bed, unable to move, whether from the sedation or terror, I do not know. When suddenly the bed starts to tip back slightly and a hole opens in the wall behind me. I start to move head-first along what I can only describe as a traintrack through a dark cave, high red and black stone walls surround me and a red mist swirls about the air, choking me when I try to breathe. I continue along the track for what feels like hours before coming into a stark white room, bright operating lights stare down from overhead and I can hear voices, Doctors, telling my parents that there is nothing more that they can do for me. All that's left to do now is wait and see. 

I shudder as the memory flashes before me and rub my eyes furiously trying to rid them of the images. Music, that's what I need. Distraction. I grab my ever-present laptop and perch it on a unit in the en-suite carefully and scroll through iTunes trying to find something to take my mind off of my dark thoughts and cheer me up. Harry has already left to go and sort out something or another for our night away tonight, he wouldn't tell me what, so I have the house to myself. Finally choosing a song, I hit play and step into the large glass shower. 

"I hear them calling for you  
I hear them calling for you

I feel the waves getting started  
It's a rush inside I can't control  
Your eyes keep pulling me in  
I know, I know, I know  
Your friends all talkin' 'bout me  
They say I got no chance at all  
Your fire is burning deep  
In my soul, my soul, my soul

I ain't up for debating  
Ain't in it for the taking  
We got the world-shaking"

As the steam rises around me in the shower I hear Harry's voice belting out the chorus and know I've picked exactly the right song 

"In the middle of the night when the wolves come out  
They head straight for your heart  
Like a bullet in the dark  
One by one, I take them down  
We can run and hide, ain't goin' down without a fight

I hear them calling for you  
I hear them calling for you

In the middle of the night when the wolves come out

They head straight for your heart  
They come straight for your heart

I hear them calling for you  
I hear them calling for you"

Nope, I am not going down without a fight. No matter how many times the wolves come out to attack me in the middle of the night. I am stronger than them.

By the time Harry and I are speeding down the free-way later that afternoon, I am feeling much more like my normal self, I'm excited to see what he has planned for us but of course in true Harry fashion, he won't tell me. He wouldn't even let me pack my own bag as he reasoned that, as I didn't know where we were going, I wouldn't know what I would need. I was very uncomfortable knowing that he was rifling through my bra's and knickers selecting which ones would be suitable for our little getaway, but I didn't want to spoil his fun by arguing with him so I left him to it. 

After what seems like hours in the car, we finally turn on to a small dirt road which leads us down to a beautiful old-fashioned log cabin situated right on the beach. There is a huge wrap around porch running around the outside of the property with a large swing chair looking out on to the ocean. It looks like something out of a novel and I can't help but gasp in wonder as Harry takes my hand and leads me from the car. 

"You like?" He asks me raising his eyebrows

"Its beautiful" I respond quietly and stretch up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He's not shaved for a few days whilst we've been hiding away in his house, and the prickly stubble on his face rubs against my lips as I press them against his skin making them tingle. 

"This is just the start," He says as he leads me into the cabin, there are just three rooms inside, a kitchen, bathroom and a huge bedroom which takes up most of the inside space "We have this whole place to ourselves until tomorrow afternoon. The beach is completely private, so we won't be disturbed" 

Harry dumps our bags next to the oversized bed and takes my hand, leading me back out the large glass doors and straight on to the beach, I pull off my shoes, letting the sand sink between my toes and revel in the soft silky feeling of it. I spent a lot of my Christmas trip to my family walking along beaches, but none of them compare to the sight before me. The sand is so pale it looks almost white and the ocean is bluer than I would have thought possible. It looks like a photograph, the colours too vivid to be real. 

"Fancy a swim?" Harry asks as we make our way down to the edge of the water, the light waves lap against the sand rhythmically and I find myself timing my breaths to them, the way I used to as a child when I would go to the beach with my family. 

"Well that depends, did you bring my suit?" I say, looking up into his eyes which seem even greener next to the bright colours here 

"Darling, it's a private beach. Suits are unnecessary" He answers me as he pulls his shirt over his head in one swift movement and kicks off his shoes. I can't help but stare in amazement at him as he unties the cord on his shorts and they fall to his ankles, leaving him stood before me in nothing but his Calvin's, the outline of his manhood clearly visible against the tight black fabric. Before I can even decide whether or not to remove my own clothes, Harry snatches me up in his arms and throws me over his shoulder as I scream in protest. 

"Harry!! Put me down!" I cry swiping at his butt with my hands 

"Oh, I will baby don't worry" He calls back over his shoulder to me. I can hear the smirk coming through his words and struggle harder, realising what he is about to do but he doesn't loosen his grip. He wades out into the crystal blue waters until my upside down head is just inches from the surface and the tip of my ponytail dips into the water, before pulling me back over his shoulder and holding me bridal style in front of him

"Harry NO!!" I yell indignantly at the exact same moment that he tosses me up in the air as if I weight no more than a bag of sugar, and launches me away from him. I land in the warm water a few feet away with a splash and surface again spluttering, my tank top and shorts drenched with sea water. Harry makes his way over to me quickly, laughing the entire time and looking very proud of himself.    
"Aww baby, you got all wet," He says innocently as he reaches up to remove a strand of seaweed from my hair

"Erm no. YOU got me all wet!" I say defensively and before he has the chance to react I reach out and push my hands against his firm chest as hard as I can, caught totally off guard, he falls backwards, flailing his arms and letting out a huff just as the water engulfs him and he slips under. 

"I thought you liked it when I made you wet?" Harry says playfully when he finally resurfaces making me giggle as he catches me in his arms again and spins me around in the waves.   
We spend the afternoon alternating between playing in the sea and lying out on the sand wrapped in each other's arms, laughing happily and enjoying the LA sunshine. Not for the first time since meeting this amazing man, I feel like I am in a dream. Things like this don't happen to girls like me. Just before sunset, Harry excuses himself and dashes back up the beach into the cabin, returning a few minutes later carrying a large wicker picnic basket in one hand and a chequered blanket in the other. 

"Hungry?" He asks as he spreads the blanket out on the sand

"Starving actually. I'm also a little cold, I'm going to run and get a jumper" I say turning back towards the house but before I can take more than two steps, Harry grabs my hand and twirls me back to face him

"Thought you might be," He says, handing me his grey Kendrick Lamar hoody, my favourite, which he has evidently bought out with him. 

"Well haven't you just thought of everything. Is this what you were sorting out this morning?" I ask gesturing to the basket and he nods in response "You better be careful Styles, a girl could get used to all this" I tease him as I settle myself down on to the blanket, watching him pull various goodies out of the basket and spread them in front of me, at my words though, he stops and sits back on his heels looking up at me

"Why shouldn't you get used to it?" He asks, staring into my eyes with a sincerity which warms my heart "I've told you, I'm not going anywhere" 

After we've eaten as much of the delicious food as we can manage, we lie back on the blanket, my head on his chest, and stare up at the sky as the sun starts to set in the distance. I can't believe I only have 2 nights left with Harry before I have to go home, I can't imagine how I am going to manage not having his strong arms around me in bed every night after spending so much time together. Well you're going to have to, I scold myself internally, before long he'll be going back on tour again and you'll have to cope without him for much longer than a couple of weeks. Best start getting used to it. 

"Katie?" Harry's voice interrupts my thoughts 

"Umm hmm" 

"I .. well...I was wondering... have you had a chance to think any more about Jeff's idea? It's just he's been asking me about it..." He asks me quietly stroking his fingers through my tangled hair  
I was hoping we might be able to avoid this conversation until we got back to Harry's house tomorrow, but I can't blame him for wanting an answer, after all, I have been stalling and avoiding the topic for over a week now. The trouble is I don't know that I have an answer to give him. Everyday I go back and forth, sometimes changing my mind two or three times before I've even had breakfast. We sit in silence for a few moments before I finally pull myself up and turn to face him. 

"Do you think its a good idea?" I ask watching his face closely to judge his reaction 

"I think it has its benefits yes. Katie, I want to protect you from all the madness that comes with being part of my world, I need to. I can't tell you how much it hurt me when your dickhead ex.. well you know what he did. I would do anything in the world to stop you having to go through that again" He replies, taking my hand in his and running his thumb in small circles across my palm. "If this is the only way that I can do that, that I can ensure that I never have to see you like that again, then it's a small price to pay, I can't do that again" He finishes quietly.  

I take a deep breath and look out over the horizon, the sun is dipping below the water's edge, turning the sky a thousand different colours as it reflects off of the sea, running his words over in my mind. Of course I knew that it hurt him to see me that way after the article came out, its hardly like I dealt with that situation very well, falling apart the way that I did and locking myself in his bathroom, and Lou told me how upset he had been, but its the first time he has bought it up to me since that day, which makes me think he must really believe this is the best thing for us right now. 

"OK. Then I think you should do it" I agree. Not quite able to look at him. I quickly brush a small tear from the corner of my eye before he sees it, why am I crying? It's just for show, I tell myself for the hundredth time. He's doing it to protect me. 

So why can't I silence the voice in the back of my head telling me that I am making a huge mistake agreeing to this?


	47. Chapter 47

When a strangled cry wakes me in the early hours of the morning it takes a few seconds for me to remember where we are, I grasp in the darkness of the cabin for the lamp and finally manage to turn it on just in time to see Katie's eyes flash open. She's breathing heavily and there are beads of sweat on her forehead. 

"Sssh baby it's ok I'm here"  I try and soothe her, pulling her on to my lap in what has become our nightly routine for the last couple of weeks, the only night I don't remember her waking me was New years eve I think idly as she tucks her head under my chin and uses her inhaler. I've not really pushed her to talk about what it is that she sees in her dreams to cause her to be so afraid, but she hasn't been forthcoming with the information and I am starting to wonder if what she needs is to actually open up about them.

"Can you sing to me?" Her small voice asks from its position on my chest. As much as I don't want to refuse her, it really is past time that we talk about all this. 

"How about you try talking to me instead?"  I ask gently turning her so that I can look into those big brown eyes which I notice unhappily, are glistening with unshed tears. She shakes her head as if to deny my request but I can see in her eyes that she's considering it. 

"Harry, you don't want to get inside my head. Trust me. You don't want to sing to me?"  She says quietly, her mouth turning down in a frown

"Baby I would sing to you all night if I thought it would help but... I've been doing that for quite a while now and these dreams don't seem to be going away. Maybe its time we tried a different tactic?"  I try and plead with her, I don't want to push her, but she can't carry on like this and I only have one more night with her after tonight before she goes home. 

"They're just dreams. Memories I guess, only I don't know how much of it is actually real and what parts my stupid brain just makes up to torture me" 

"Memories of what? Michael?"  I grit my teeth as I say his name, trying to not let my anger overwhelm me, I know that if she senses it any chance I have of getting her to open up tonight will be gone. 

"No, no. Not him. From when I was in the hospital. Things that happened when I was in the unconscious I think, or maybe not... I don't know"  the frustration in her voice is evident as she scoots off me and pulls a pillow to her chest, hugging it tightly. "The Doctor says its a form of PTSD. And that the dreams will go away, but I guess I'm still waiting for them to" she admits quietly, refusing to meet my eyes. I wish she wouldn't do that. 

"PTSD? As in post-traumatic stress disorder?"  I ask, slightly shocked, as much as I am relieved to hear its not him that she's dreaming of, I had no idea she was suffering with something so serious. 

"Yeah, He, my doctor, said that it's pretty common after an experience like mine. I thought it was just something that soldiers and people in war zones suffered from, but apparently not"

"Do you take anything for it?"  I watch her take handfuls of pills every morning and night but I must admit, I had just assumed they were for her Asthma until now

"Yes, I have tablets I take. They help a little. But they don't make the nightmares go away" 

Her voice is so small and broken that I can actually feel my heart aching for her, but I know that I can't stop yet, she needs to get this out. I have a feeling that hiding things is something this amazing woman sat cross-legged on the bed in front of me has gotten too used to doing. She never spoke to anyone about Michael either,  until she finally had to confront it after what happened and then she utterly fell apart, I'm pretty sure she still hasn't dealt with the after-effects of all that. I must remember to call Mel soon and see how Katie has been when she's at home, without me, has she even tried to come to terms with it?

"Do you have them every night? Will you tell me about them?"  I ask her softly, placing a finger under her chin and raising it so that her eyes are level with mine. "I really think you should try and talk about them" 

"Yes, every single night. But Harry ... I.." She stutters, looking unsure. 

"Are they always the same?"  

"No, well sort of, there are three or four different ones that I have over and over again. Two more regularly than others" she finally admits after a few moments of silence

"Ok, and was it one of the more regular ones that you had tonight?"  She's playing with her bracelet again I notice, twisting the silver metal of the rose charm around and around in her small fingers. 

"Yeah, I guess this one is the one I have more often than not. I've actually already told you about it. The day you took me to the heath"  She replies and I quickly search my mind back to our walk in the rain, that was the day she told me she couldn't sing anymore.. 

"The situation with, I mean, what happened with your voice? You dream about that?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

She nods slowly and lowers her eyes back down to the pillow on her lap. Without thinking I reach over and pull her back into my arms, of course, she would dream about that. Not only was it a traumatic experience, but it also changed her life, took away her dreams, at least in her mind. 

"I'm sorry"  I whisper to her "I can understand why you would focus on that experience, but baby, I've heard you sing.. you're.." before I can finish my sentence Katie's lips crush down against mine, taking me by surprise, I almost lose my balance and have to shoot my arms out behind me to steady myself on the bed. She never lets me compliment her, especially on her singing, god she barely even lets me listen to her. I should have expected she'd find a way to change the subject. 

"That's enough talking for tonight" she whispers against my lips and I have to agree. She's opened up to me, and it was a big step for her. But I am not going to push her any further tonight. Right now all I want to do is make her forget all of it, my cock stirs in my shorts as she moves her kisses across my jawline to my neck, nipping and sucking against the tender flesh under my ear, driving me wild. In one swift movement, I wrap my arm around her waist and flip her on to her back, lowering myself on top of her and kneeing at her thighs to separate them so that I can settle myself between her legs.   
Gently I push my erection against her groin, the only thing separating us are my shorts and the thin lace panties that sit low on Katie's hips, hips which are now rising to meet mine in long slow thrusts, creating a delicious friction between us. I feel like a fucking teenager around her, all it takes for her to make me hard is a couple of kisses, and the way she's pushing herself against me is already threatening to make me spill in my shorts, but I won't let that happen, not tonight. I want this to last. 

I push my hands under my old Kiss T-shirt that she insists on wearing to sleep in, and run my hands over the mounds of her small breasts, the gasp of air she inhales causing them to rise up and fill my hands as I roll one of her nipples between my thumb and index finger. Abruptly she sits up and rips the t-shirt over her head, her lips crash down against mine again and a familiar fire burns in the pit of my stomach, a deep ache that never seems to dissipate no matter how many times I feel her pressed against me, she reaches down and frees me from the constraints of my shorts, taking my length in her small hand and slowly working it up and down my erection, a low moan escapes me and I bury my head in her breasts, savouring the sensation of her touch.

"Slowly baby"  I warn her, as I run my tongue along her collarbone and push her back flat against the pillows. I work my way down her slim body, taking my time and tracing my tongue down to her belly button. "I want to taste you," I tell her, raising my eyes to hers. I know the fire burning in them is reflected in my own as I dip my head between her legs and slowly remove her underwear. When she is finally fully exposed before me on the bed, I take a moment to let my eyes wander over her body, watching her squirm and that light pink that I like so much rises into her cheeks as she realises what I am about to do. As my tongue flicks out to meet her swollen bud of nerves, she raises her legs to my shoulders, inviting me in, her hips rise up to meet me and as I flick my tongue faster and faster, sliding a finger inside of her. 

"Harry" she moans, spurring me on. I pick up my pace and risk a glance up at her, her fist is in her mouth trying to stifle the sounds escaping her pink lips, her eyes closed in pleasure. As she comes  I hear her call out my name again and I am glad that there isn't another property for a couple of miles, her hand unable to muffle the volume of her screams. 

Before she has chance to recover and come down from her high, I have rolled a condom on and positioned myself to enter her, bringing my mouth down on hers as I push myself inside her warm, wetness. Just the sensation of entering her almost makes me come, but somehow I manage to hold on, slowly bringing almost every inch of my cock out of her, before plunging deep again. My breath coming in short sharp gasps as my own orgasm starts to build, I feel her nails dig in to my back and the pain just intensifies my pleasure. When I finally release, I stare down into those beautiful eyes and thank whatever higher power it was that made this amazing woman's inhaler run out all those weeks ago at my first solo London show, and thrust her into my life.


	48. Chapter 48

Harry's perspective

Six days. Six days since I dropped Katie off at the airport. Six days since I wiped away the stray tears she was desperately trying to hide as we said goodbye. Six days since I've seen her smile. Six days since I've caught her singing and she's gone deadly silent the minute she noticed. Six days. So why on earth does it feel like months? Seriously Styles, six fucking days is nothing, I scold myself. In a couple of months I'll be going on the road for 18 weeks and unless she agrees to come with me, which I seriously doubt, I'm going to have to get used to spending a lot more time without her.   
It'll be better when I'm on the road and busy though, sitting here in this house without her after having her here non-stop for two weeks is no doubt what's making this so difficult. I would have gone back to London with her straight away, but I have some prep to do for the tour and promised to get involved in a special benefit concert at the end of the month for Fleetwood Mac, I'm not sure anything but the opportunity to play on stage with my idols could have kept me here, to be honest, and that thought worries me. 

I've only actually known this woman a few months, it's not healthy to be so attached to her already and I don't really know how to handle the way I'm feeling. I've never fallen for anyone so hard and fast before, and it scares me a bit. A little space to gain some perspective might be good for both of us. 

I drag myself up of the sofa and head to the shower, I have to meet Sarah tonight at a Sushi bar downtown for our first 'date', Urgh why did I agree to this? The last thing I want to do right now is go off and get papped. After I got over my initial disgust at this whole plan of Jeff's, I started to think it might not be such a bad idea, take some of the pressure off. But after seeing the look in Katie's eyes when she agreed to it and her sly attempts to brush away her tears before I could see, I'm starting to wonder if I was being really naïve thinking she could handle this. God knows I wouldn't want to see photos of her out with another man splashed all over the internet. As I step in to the warm water I resolve to give her one last time to change her mind before I head out. 

Katie's perspective

Six days. Six days since I climbed on to the plane and waved a final goodbye to Harry. Six days since he's pressed his beautiful lips to mine. Six days since I've felt his strong arms wrapping around me in his sleep. Six days since he last sang to me after a nightmare. Six days. And already it feels like a lifetime. How on earth am I going to cope when he goes back on tour? I wonder to myself idly as I make my way out of the Dr's. My asthma has been playing up like mad since I got home and as much as I despise having to go to any kind of medical facility, I bit the bullet this morning and made an appointment to get checked over. A chest infection as usual. Wonderful. Armed with a prescription I make my way to the pharmacy and glance at my phone for the 10th time today. 

It's only 10:30 am here, which makes it 3:30 am in LA. So, of course, I haven't heard anything from Harry yet. But that doesn't stop me checking my phone every chance I get to see if my usual 'Good morning' text message has arrived. Harry and I fell straight back into our routine of 'good morning' and 'sleep sweet' texts the minute I landed back in London, and as much as I love receiving them, they are no replacement for having him here with me. Just another 10 days to go till he comes home. Not that I am counting or anything. 

When I finally arrive home I am surprised to find Mel laying on the couch in her bright pink fluffy pj's staring at some random cartoon on the TV. Since I've been home I've barely seen her, she's been spending most of her time with Ben, Harry's tour manager and, since our trip to Japan, Mel's boyfriend. 

"I'm guessing you are either hung over or ill" I tease her as I wander into the living room, her back is to me and she doesn't respond "Earth to Mel? Seriously I think this is the first time you've actually spent the night here since I got home from LA" I say as I walk around the front of the sofa. The minute I catch sight of her though I stop in my tracks. Her eyes are bloodshot, red and puffy, she's been crying and it doesn't look like she's slept at all. "Mel?" I say much more quietly taking a seat next to her on the sofa. Finally, she glances over at me a look of confusion on her face as if she didn't realise I was here. 

"Oh hey. Sorry I didn't hear you come in" She says through a stuffy nose

"That's ok... What's wrong? Are you sick?" I ask her, stretching out a hand to her forehead, she doesn't feel warm but she shrugs me off quickly. 

"Ben and I had a fight" her voice is almost a whisper

"Oh, babe I'm sorry! Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not really I'm glad you're here though" she shrugs, moving to rest her head on my lap. 

We spend the next hour in silence, as sponge-bob SquarePants sings away at us from the TV. Eventually, I feel Mel's head getting heavier and I move quietly off the sofa and place a cushion under her tangled blonde hair as she finally falls asleep. There are still wet patches on her cheeks from where she's been crying. Must have been some fight I think to myself as I make my way into the kitchen to take my antibiotics. I really do feel quite awful I realise as I gulp down the pills and take a couple of puffs of my inhaler. The persistent wheeze in my chest still lingers though. Maybe I'll take a nap too. As I make my way down the hall to my room my phone starts to ring startling me. I answer it as quickly as I can, not wanting to wake Mel and close my bedroom door quietly before speaking. 

"Hey" 

"Hey baby, can you talk? Sorry to just call, but you didn't answer my morning text and I was getting worried" Harry's voice says quietly down the speaker

"Sorry, I was just spending some time with Mel, she and Ben had a fight and she's pretty upset. But she's sleeping now" I tell him

"Oh, well that's a shame. I'm sure they'll sort it out though" He replies, clearly not knowing quite what to say. 

"I hope so. I finally went to the Dr's this morning" I tell him

"Good, it's about time. What did they say?" 

"The usual, chest infection. Take antibiotics, use nebuliser and rest basically. Mark's going to kill me for taking yet more time off work, but I really don't think I can face going in tonight"   
"I'm sure he'll understand, you can't work when you can't breathe" Harry tries to soothe me. 

"What are your plans today?" I ask wanting to change the subject, I already know he has his damn date this afternoon, but don't want to spend what little time I have talking to him complaining about my health

"Erm, well I have that, you know that thing.. with, erm, Sarah, this afternoon" He stutters

"Oh right. That's today" I say trying to sound casual, but my voice comes out slightly too high pitched

"Katie... It's not too late for me to cancel you know. I told you I wouldn't do this if you weren't ok with it, just tell me if you want me to cancel it and I will."  Harry replies softly, his concern evident. But I am not going to go back on what I told him. 

"It's ok. Really, you should go"  I manage, clearing my throat and trying to ensure that my voice sounds stronger than I feel but the heavy wheeze that escapes with my words rather diminishes my attempt. "I think I'm going to go back to bed for a while"  I struggle to get my words out as the tightness in my chest increases, I need to get off the phone. Harry will only worry if he hears me get much worse and I know a full on attack is coming. There's nothing he can do from the other side of the Atlantic so it's better if he doesn't know how rough I am feeling. 

"Are you sure you're ok? You sound... I don't know.. off?" He seems to grasp around for the right word to use 

"I'm fine Harry, honestly, I just didn't sleep well that's all. Please let me know how things go this afternoon" 

"I will. I'll call you as soon as I am home ok? I have a couple of errands to run afterward" 

"Ok. Good luck" 

"Sleep sweet darling," His soft voice tells me as I hang up the phone and scramble around to plug in my nebuliser as my breathing worsens. It's going to be a long day. Of course, I hadn't forgotten that Harry's not date with Sarah was this afternoon, but I guess a part of me had been trying to put it as far back in my mind as I could. It's not something I want to think about, I'm just hoping I can manage to avoid the photo's afterward, I'm fairly sure they won't do anything for my already fragile self confidence. 

I manage to nap restlessly for an hour or two, waking often needing my inhaler but finding very little relief from using it. I'm just in the middle of typing out a text to let Mark know I won't be in tonight when Mel's voice calls through my door. 

"Katie, you awake?" 

"Just about" I wheeze back as loudly as I can manage with my limited air supply

"I'm going to head out for a bit, there's a party... I thought it might take my mind off things" She tells me "Want to come?" 

"Not tonight thanks, I'm not really feeling up to doing anything but laying here" I answer quietly, all I want to do is sleep.

"Are you going to be ok? I can stay with you if you need me to?" Mel asks, her eyes full of concern as she takes in my nebuliser next to me on the bed and various packages of pills and inhalers strewn around my room. I'm normally a very tidy person unless I am sick, then everything goes out the window. 

"I'll be..fine" I manage to force out "Have fun" I can see Mel is conflicted now, unsure whether or not to leave me alone, but I know she needs to go and relax so I tell her I'm just going to sleep and that I'll call if there's a problem and she eventually leaves. I hear the front door close a few minutes later and try and take a deep breath. It feels like I have a small car parked on top of my chest. It's going to be a long night.


	49. Chapter 49

Stumbling along the hallway, I listen yet again to Mel's bubbly voicemail greeting, noting as I cancel the call that its 1.45 am. Maybe she's asleep? Reaching her door, I muster my waning energy to knock in a hope she might have already come home. I shove my inhaler forcefully into my mouth for the hundredth time tonight and desperately try and gain some relief from the powder that shoots out, but just like for the last 20 minutes, it had no effect at all. I've tried everything and taken much more medication than I should have done tonight, but this attack doesn't want to subside. 

I reach Mel's room and push open the door to find her bed made and the room empty. Dammit. I'm running out of air, I can't keep moving around like this. I slide down to the floor and make my way back to my bedroom on my hands and knees, managing to reach my nebuliser, I pull the mask back over my face and grasp my phone, trying to clear my vision enough to hit the numbers on the screen to call for an ambulance. 

“Brocks Drive... number 50a” I wheeze down the handset, using every bit of breath I can find to force the words out of my mouth. I'm not getting enough oxygen, and I know I will pass out soon. “Key, under pot” I manage to splutter out, knowing I won't be able to open the door to let them in. Just as the world around me turns to black. 

“Miss Francis? Can you hear me?” 

I'm vaguely aware of someone calling to me, what's going on? Whose voice is that?

“Miss Francis? We're going to lift you on to the trolley now” 

The trolley? I feel strong arms grasp my arms and legs and for a moment I think I should try and fight them off, but my limbs feel too heavy to protest, groggily I force my eyes to open and glance around me... I'm in my bedroom. Why are there men in my bedroom? 

“Ahh there you are Miss Francis, can you hear me? We're going to take you to the hospital. Just try and take deep breaths for me please” 

The friendly face of a man in his mid-thirties smiles down at me as he lays me gently on a hard surface, he is wearing a green uniform... Suddenly my memories come flooding back to me in a rush. Paramedics. I called an ambulance. I must have passed out I realise as he snaps the arms up on the sides of the trolley and I feel myself moving as the trolley is pushed down my hallways, the ceiling of my small flat rushing past me. When we reach the front door the cold January air makes me shiver and I am grateful that one of the paramedics seems to have wrapped a blanket around me, the harsh wool chaffs at my skin as I am loaded into the back of the ambulance. 

“Hi” I manage to squeak to the kind-faced paramedic as he pulls a strap tightly across my body to secure me

“Glad to have you back. You gave us a bit of a scare there Miss Francis” 

“Katie..” I correct him

“Katie, my apologies. Have you had an asthma attack of this severity before?” He asks me and I nod furiously, deciding to save what little air I can drag into my lungs instead of wasting it answering questions. 

“OK well, then you probably know the procedure by now,” He says placing a blood pressure cuff around my wrist and a pulse monitor over my index finger “I'm going to give you a shot of adrenaline, then we'll get you to the hospital ok?” 

I shake my head in protest as he reaches across me the needle in hand. I am not afraid of needles, god knows I have had enough of them stuck in me over the years to have cured any aversion to them I might have once held. But I hate adrenaline shots, as the needle punctures the skin of my chest I close my eyes and wait for the inevitable burning sensation that will soon course through every vein and nerve ending in my body. Burning, fire... Harry! 

“Harry” I force his name past my lips “my phone..” 

“I have your phone here in your bag, would you like for us to call someone?” the paramedic tells me, pointing to my handbag, I vaguely remember positioning it next to me before I called the ambulance, knowing I would want it with me when they took me to the hospital. I try to reach my hand out to take it, but the burning sensation is spreading rapidly and I can't seem to concentrate on anything but the pain. 

“No, thank you” I wheeze at him. The last thing I want them to do is scare Harry by a paramedic calling him on the other side of the world. I'll contact him myself just as soon as I can reach my bag. I see the paramedic nod just as my eyes drift closed again. 

Later, I am situated in the resuscitation area of accident and emergency, but I have no idea how much time has passed. I glance around for a clock but the curtains are shut either side of me, blocking my view. Thankfully someone has thought to put my bag on the bed next to me so I don't have to try and reach far to locate my phone, I gingerly reach in to grab it, trying not to tug on the cannula sticking out uncomfortably from my right hand. Four missed calls and two texts, it's 4:12 am. How long was I unconscious? I wonder as I unlock my phone and checking the texts. 

“Finally got home, I tried to call but I guess you are busy? Let me know you're ok. H x” 

“I'm wondering if you might be sleeping, it's late there... Call me. H x” 

Just as I start to type out a reply, a tall woman with short dark hair in a lab coat pushes through the stark white curtains surrounding me and I place my phone back on the bed. 

“Miss Francis? I'm Dr. Romanov” She says in heavily accented English “Do you know where you are?”

“Katie... Please. Yes, St Helier I'm assuming” I reply, naming the nearest hospital to my home and the one I've spent more time in than I care to remember. I hate this place. This is where all my nightmares are based, where all those horrible events that I never quite manage to put behind me took place. At least I can breathe a little better now I realise, pulling air deep into my lungs gratefully. 

“Katie then, yes that's right. You had an asthma attack. I just want to check your monitor here” She says moving to the screen beside my bed and turning it to face her. 

I have been hooked up to enough of these machines to have a rough idea of what the various numbers mean, I've been worse, I think to myself as my eyes run over the screen. Next to the monitor there is a tall IV stand holding two large bags of clear liquid which are connected to long tubes that run down in to the needle tucked under the skin of my bruised hand, glancing down at my body I realise I have been dressed in a god awful hospital gown that hasn't been fastened properly, wires are protruding from the neck that lead to the monitor that the Dr is examining, scribbling down notes on a clipboard. 

“You've been in with us a few times before I see from your history, Katie. We've got you on fluid and magnesium, oxygen and Ventolin. We've also given you prednisone and antibiotics. A nurse will come back in an hour or so to check on you” As she rattles off the list of medicines that are currently being pumped through me, my only thoughts are that no one knows where I am. I should have sent Mel a text at least.. the Doctors voice interrupts my thoughts 

“Is there anyone you'd like for us to call for you?” 

“No thank you, I have my phone,” I say brandishing the iPhone in my hand and hoping that she won't tell me I can't use it in here. 

“Try and get some rest,” she says before making her way back out of the curtains. 

Quickly I type out a text to Mel, the last thing I want is for her to go home and see the mess that the paramedics have no doubt left behind and start panicking about where I am.

“Hey, sorry for calling so many times, I've landed myself in A&E. Don't worry I'm alright. Give me a call when you get this xx” 

I hit the send button and gently remove the nebuliser mask from my face, taking a couple of deep breaths to gauge my lungs reaction, I reposition the oxygen tubes in my nose before scrolling through my contacts to locate Harry's number. 

“Hey! I've been trying to call you” He says as he answers the call

“Hey, yeah I know I'm sorry... I'm, Well I'm in hospital” 

“What?! What do you mean you're in the hospital? What happened? Are you ok?” he asks and I am sure its the quickest I have ever heard him talk, the panic in his voice evident. 

“I'm ok, please don't worry. I had an asthma attack and had to call an ambulance, but I'm ok now, honestly” I try to soothe him

“Katie, god! I'm so sorry, what can I do? Are you sure you're alright?” 

“Yes, I'm sure, really. If I wasn't you'd know as I wouldn't be able to speak” I respond, trying desperately to hide the fear in my voice with humour and wishing that he was here with me instead of on the other side of the world. As if he can read my mind he replies

“I can get on a plane, I'll call Jeff and have him sort a flight...” 

“No Harry, please don't do that, you need to be there. I'm ok I promise. They're just pumping me full of medication, then hopefully they'll let me go home” 

“Baby... I... are you sure? Tell me what happened, please?” He asks in a quiet voice. 

As I launch into an explanation of the night's events I can't help but wonder at the absurdity of this situation, never in a million years did I think I'd be calling Harry Styles from my hospital bed after an asthma attack. A nervous giggle threatens to make its way past my lips but I try and cover it with a cough, I don't need him thinking I've gone completely crazy on top of everything else. 

“I'm so sorry that I wasn't with you,” Harry says when I have finished my tale “I hate that you went through all that alone, where's Mel?” 

“She went to a party. I've left her a message, she'll be in touch when she wakes up I'm sure” 

“Have you called your parents?” he asks me

“No...” I sigh “I will a little later. They will be sleeping now, and there's nothing they can do anyway, they are too far away” 

“I hate that you're there alone” He grumbles quietly, I can feel the tears  
welling up and I scrunch my eyes closed trying to rid myself of them before they have a chance to fall. 

“I'm used to it” I mumble back “I do wish you were here though. I hate this place” 

“I know you do baby, I wish I was there too. Are you sure you don't want me to come home?” 

“I'm sure,” I tell him, although I am not sure at all. I would love nothing more than for him to be by my side, but it's a ten-hour flight, by the time he got back here I'd be back home in my own bed. There's really no need for his plans to have to change just because my lungs have decided to play up. It is true that I am used to being here on my own, other than Mel on occasion, most of my hospital trips over the past couple of years have been solo adventures. 

“How did your date go?” I ask him, trying to change the subject before my tears get the better of me and he realises how scared I am. 

“It wasn't a date,” Harry says gruffly “It was fine. We really don't need to talk about that now darling, we need to focus on you. What have the Doctors said?” 

“Not much, I'm hooked up to various machines and IV's, they're monitoring me. But really, I'd rather not talk about me. Tell me how it went, please?” 

“Like I said, it was fine, we met up as planned, Jeff had called the paps ahead of time, they snapped a few photos, that was it” 

“I'm glad that it went ok,” I say through a yawn, suddenly the night's events are catching up with me and I am exhausted. 

“You should try and sleep. You sound so tired. Can you send me the name of the hospital you're in, please? So I can call them to check on you?” 

“Harry you don't need to do that.. you can just call me. Besides, you aren't family, I don't think they'd tell you anything even if you did call” I already know that I won't be able to sleep in here, just the idea of waking up from one of my nightmares in this place is enough to ensure I won't get any rest, so I know I'll be able to take his calls myself. 

"Ok..." Harry replies quietly, I hear him take a long deep breath and the line goes quiet for a moment. I am about to respond but before I have a chance he continues "Wait, no, not ok... Sorry, but what if you have another bad attack and you aren't in a position to answer your phone? I need to be able to check your ok... I'm your boyfriend for fuck's sake, that's got to count for something? I can't just sit here not knowing what's happening to the woman I love”

I sit bolt upright on my hospital bed in shock at his words, knocking my handbag and sending it crashing to the floor. Did he really mean to say that? He can't have done...What am I supposed to say? Do I love him? A loud beeping interrupts my thoughts as the monitor behind me starts to flash, looking down I realise I have pulled a couple of the wires connected to the sticky pads on my chest loose. 

“Shit” I mumble trying in vain to reconnect them, but there are just too many and I have no idea which ones go where. 

“Katie? What's going on?” the voice in my ear questions as I fumble with the wires and my phone. “Are you ok?” 

“Yes, sorry I've pulled some of my wires loose. Dammit” 

“Miss Francis? Is everything ok?” a male voice asks me, I look up to see a nurse in scrubs at the opening to my cubicle

“I've accidentally managed to detach some of these” I answer, shaking the wires in my hand in his direction. 

“Ahh not to worry, happens all the time. Let's get you hooked back up” He replies as he walks to my side. 

“Katie?” Harry's voice startles me, I had forgotten I was even still holding the phone

“Harry I'm sorry I have to go. I'll text you the hospital information. I'm sorry” I say and quickly end the call. 

His words echo through my head as I lay back down and watch the nurse reconnecting the wires, the beeping finally stops. “The woman I love”.


	50. Chapter 50

Harry's perspective

Shit. Did I really just say that? I mean.. if I'm honest with myself I guess I've known for a while now that I loved her, I think I've loved her for longer than I am really willing to admit, even now, but that morning, on New years day... watching her play with James' kids, that's when it hit me. That this girl is more special to me that anyone has been in a long time, that she's someone I can actually see myself having a future with. I couldn't help but imagine that those were our kids she was chasing around my garden, our daughter she was curled up asleep with on the sun lounger.. but to just blurt it out like that, over the phone, when she's in hospital on the other side of the world... I hadn't planned that. 

I wander into the living room and sit heavily down on the sofa grabbing the TV remote and start flipping through the channels, not really registering what's actually on any of them. She didn't say it back. I know I surprised her, god, I surprised myself. But.. she didn't say it back. When my phone lights up on the coffee table, I nearly fall off the chair in my haste to grab it, Jesus Christ Styles, pull yourself together. 

“I'm at St Helier hospital, they told me the best number to call for information is 020 8644 8562. I still don't know how much they'll tell you though. Best to try my phone first xx” 

Well at least she's sent me the contact details for the hospital.. there's no mention of my hastily rambled confession, but that's probably for the best right now. She's in hospital, she has bigger things to worry about at the moment. I'll be home in a week, maybe its best not to bring it up until we're face to face again. Yeah, that's the best thing to do. I turn my attention back to the TV and try to find something to watch, eventually settling on an old re-run of friends that I've seen a thousand times, but I'm restless. I hate being so far away from her and unable to help, I would have got on the next flight if she'd have agreed. With a flash of inspiration, I realise that there is one thing I can do at least and quickly reply to her text. 

“Thank you. Please let me know when you are being discharged and I'll send Toby to come pick you up. Try and get some rest. H x” 

There, that's something, and this way I'll know that she's gotten home safe. I quickly call Toby and leave a voicemail updating him on the situation and ask him to let me know if he won't be able to collect her. It's 5:35 am in London now, so hopefully, he'll get the message when he wakes up and it won't be a problem. I give up on my attempt to watch TV and head down to the gym, hopefully, a workout will help release some of the pent-up anxiety swirling in my stomach. 

Katie's perspective 

 

The woman he loves. I am still replaying his words over in my mind when Toby and I arrive back at my flat later that afternoon. Only now I am starting to kick myself for my reaction to it. Why didn't I say it back? Deep down I've known I loved him since that night in the pub when he punched that obnoxious idiot in the face for knocking me to the ground. I think that's why I've been so scared, so tempted to run for so long, because a part of me had already realised how deeply I had fallen for this man and I was terrified of my feelings. Terrified of being so involved with someone whose life is so vastly different from my own. I didn't think he could possibly ever feel the same way about me, so the best option seemed to be to leave before I had to be confronted with that reality. 

But now, out of the blue.. he tells me he loves me too. Not in some grand romantic gesture, the kind he is so good at usually I think, my mind tracing back over memories of Orange rose petals... but out of desperation because of a situation, he couldn't control. Maybe he didn't really mean that he loves me in the sense that I am taking it, maybe he just meant that he loves me like you love a close friend. Urgh, I need some sleep. It's been an insanely long 24 hours and my body is still full of copious amounts of medication. I need to rest and clear my head before I can fathom out what on earth all of this means. 

As I drag my tired body down the hallway and into my bedroom, I noticed the empty medication packets strewn around the floor, evidence of the paramedics visit last night, grabbing a carrier bag from the kitchen I get to work cleaning up. I have just managed to grab the last packets when I hear a key turning in the lock and the front door opening. 

“Babe!! I'm so sorry! I got your messages when I got up this morning but my phone died before I had even finished reading them properly, I hurried straight here to charge it... Are you ok?” she says approaching me, arms outstretched. As I step into her embrace and her arms tighten around me she mumbles “I was so worried!” 

“I'm sorry,” I tell her stepping out of her grip and starting towards the kitchen. “I didn't mean to worry you, I just knew if you got home before I did and I wasn't here, you'd be even worse” 

“Don't be silly! I'm glad you called me, I'm just sorry I didn't hear my phone. Ben called whilst I was at the party and, well, I went over there to make up” She says, unable to hide the slight smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth at the mention of his name. “I was asleep by the time you called” 

“Honestly it's ok. I'm glad you and Ben have made things up. And I'm ok, really” I emphasise seeing the look of concern in her eyes “It's been a long night... but I'm ok” 

“Where's Harry? Is he coming home?” she asks quickly, glancing around the flat as if she expects to see him appear from one of the other rooms

“No, he's not, I told him to stay in LA. He's been so excited about this gig with Fleetwood Mac, I couldn't ask him to give up on that just because I had to spend a few hours in A&E” 

“You know he'd have come if you'd have asked him,” She says quietly

“Which is exactly why I said no when he offered to. Actually, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.. last night on the phone he said, well I mean, he referred to me as 'The woman he loves'”

“Oh my god Katie!!! That's amazing! It's about damn time!!” She says loudly a huge smile breaking across her lips

“What do you mean it's about time?” I ask in confusion

“Oh come on, that boy cannot go more than a couple of hours without talking to you, he flew us to Japan for god's sake, just because he missed you, then taking you to LA for New years... I thought it was pretty obvious! Ben and I have been waiting for him to finally admit it for weeks” she laughs

“Really?” I say quietly “I didn't think, I mean.. I couldn't imagine...” 

“How did he react when you said it back? Tell me everything! I need all the details!” Mel gushes as she gets out of her chair and heads to the fridge, grabbing us both a can of coke and placing them on the table in front of me. 

“I didn't say it back,” I tell her, focusing my gaze squarely on the wooden table top in front of me, where a small stain has caught my attention if I squint just a little bit and turn my head to the side, it kind of looks like an H. 

“WHAT!!” Mel's voice startles me and I manage to lose my grip on my can, sending a sticky brown mess cascading on to the table. Dammit. As I grab a cloth and start to mop up the mess I can't help but avert my eyes from Mel's

“It was 5 o'clock in the morning and I'd had a really long night... “ I start but my excuses sound weak even to me. Why didn't I say it back? “He just caught me off guard, that's all” I shrug, tossing the wet cloth into the sink and sitting back down heavily. “I'm an idiot aren't I?” I ask her, finally raising my eyes to meet hers. The piercing blue shines back at me quizzically

“Erm, yes you're an idiot. Katie, you can try and hide it all you want, but you've been in love with that boy for a long time. I know you remember, there is no way on earth you'd ever get on a plane and fly halfway around the world, twice no less, just because some guy asked you to” 

“Argh. I know! I don't think I was ready to admit it to myself though, I didn't think there was any possible way he could feel the same, so why torture myself?” 

“One of these days you are going to wake up and finally see what the rest of us see in you. You're incredibly easy to love” Mel says matter of factly as she finishes the last of her drink. 

“So you think I should tell him?” I ask quietly 

“God yes, put the poor boy out of his misery! He's probably moping around that big house of his thinking he's said it too soon and scared you away” 

“Ha! I doubt it” I smile at her “I'll think about it ok, but right now I have to sleep. I'm exhausted” 

“Are you sure you're feeling ok? I have a class later on but I can cancel it and stay here with you? I feel awful that you had to go through all that alone last night, I know how much you hate the hospital” Mel says quietly taking my hand across the table. 

“It's ok, really, you can't be by my side twenty-four seven. And it's over now. As long as I take my meds properly and don't overdo it, I'm sure I'll be back to normal in no time” 

“Ok, ok, one last question then I'll let you sleep I promise,” She says and I already know what's coming, shit, I wish I was a better liar. “Did the hospital actually discharge you? Or did you just leave?” 

“Erm...” 

“KATIE!” she shouts loudly making my jump yet again, at least I knew it was coming this time and had the forethought to put down my can. “You have got to stop doing that!!” 

“I know Mel, but you don't understand... I can't stay in those places. I just can't. I feel ten times worse in them than here, and I knew the only way I was going to fully calm down and recover was to come home, it's not my fault that the Doctors never listen to me when I try and explain that to them” I tell her willing her to understand. I don't discharge myself against their advice to be rebellious or anything, but I know myself, and I know that there comes a point where they've done all they can medically, and the rest of the recovery is on me, they always want me to stay until my heart rate stabilises, but I know it won't the whole time I'm in that damn place. 

“Katie..” Mel begins, more quietly this time “I know you hate the hospital, but sometimes, its the best place you can be” 

“I know. I'm sorry, I wouldn't leave if I thought I was in any real danger, you know that, I called the ambulance last night when I needed to remember? But I'm ok, you can see that. All I need now is some sleep and I certainly wasn't going to get any of that in that place” 

“Alright, alright. I'll stop. But next time..” She threatens, wagging a finger in my direction

“Yeah yeah, you're very scary. Please, can I go to bed now?” 

With one last hug, Mel finally relents and I make my way down to my bedroom and locate the freshly laundered Kiss T-shirt of Harry's that I can't seem to sleep without. I change quickly, deciding I'll shower and wash off the hospital smell later, then send Harry a quick text before falling into bed. 

“No doubt Toby has already told you, but I'm home at last. Mel is here too so you don't have to worry about me for a while. I'm going to try and get some sleep. I'll call you when I wake up xx” 

I barely manage to connect my phone to its charger before I finally succumb to sleep.


	51. Chapter 51

Two days later and thankfully my lungs are starting to improve, just as well as I really need to get back to work. As good as my boss has been about me being ill, after taking two weeks off over New years and our little trip to Japan in December, I am starting to feel quite guilty. Not to mention that my bank balance has taken a serious hit lately and I need to try and replenish it a little before Harry's birthday in 2 weeks if I actually want to get him a decent gift, what on earth does one buy one's superstar boyfriend I wonder to myself idly. He seemed to love the book I made him for Christmas, but that was a one-off thing. I better find some time to get shopping before he gets home I think to myself as I hastily try and comb the tangles out of my hair and get ready for work. 

As I rush around the house desperately trying to find my car keys which I seem to have misplaced yet again, I hear my phone ringing from the depths of my handbag and struggle to retrieve it before it goes to voicemail. I don't even have the chance to check the caller ID before I connect the call. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey Princess” the familiar voice emanating from the speaker makes my skin crawl and I am tempted to just cancel the call straight away before he can upset me, but just the sound of his voice immobilises me like it always has and I am barely able to even respond let alone move to hang up. 

“Michael? How.. how did you get this number?” I ask quietly 

“Awe come on princess, don't be like that. Haven't you missed me?” He drawls down the phone and I can tell already that he's either drunk or high from the slight slur in his words. 

“You shouldn't have called me. I'm hanging up now” I say trying to muster as much courage as I can

“That's fine. You do what you need to. I'll just place a call to my friend at the Sun instead...” He threatens

“What do you want Michael?” I manage to force out from behind clenched teeth, I can feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. 

“I just wanna talk to you princess. That bastard George keeps trying to get me to sign some stupid piece of paper saying I won't talk to anyone about our relationship any more. You put him up to that? Or was it your boy band boy toy?” 

“Jeff” I correct him, more out of habit than anything else, it's not like I haven't called Jeff a few choice names myself since I met him. “And not that its any of your business, but Harry and I broke up” 

“Yeah, I saw those phoney photos in the paper. But I'm not buying it. If he had come to his senses and dumped you, then why would he this Jed bloke have left me a message just yesterday about signing the damn papers huh?” 

Shit, he's got a point, stuttering I try and come up with an excuse quickly. “How would I know, I told you, we broke up. Maybe JEFF just wants to ensure Harry's name doesn't end up in the papers connected to me again. Look I really have to go, I'm late for work” I'll have to call the phone company and see if I can change my number again on the way to work. 

“You never were a very good liar Princess. Where you working now? Maybe I'll come and see you” He asks me in a too light, too chirpy voice as if we're friends or something's

“I don't think so. How did you get this number?” I ask again

“Come on Princess, haven't you realised by now that if I want to find you I will? No matter what fancy friends you make or how many VIP rooms you sit in...” 

Images of Mel passed out in the bathroom in the club flash before my eyes. 

“It was you? You spiked Mel's drink??” I ask, horrified. Some of my strength returning to me at the thought that he hurt her. 

“Don't be jealous princess, I was aiming for yours. But that greedy cow drank both glasses when you took ages to come back to the bar..” He slurs “It's a shame really. We would have had a great night” his laughter is almost deafening and I have to pull the phone away from my ear in quickly to reduce the sound. My mind spinning in circles. Michael spiked my drink in the club that night, but Mel drank it instead. How did he even know where I would be? I run my mind back over that night desperately trying to figure it out but come up empty.   
“You should tell your friend to be more careful with her privacy settings on Facebook” He continues, still laughing heavily, clearly enjoying this little game. 

“You sick bastard!” I say when I finally find my voice again, anger getting the better of me as the images of Mel that night and the days following flash before my eyes. “Why can't you just accept that its over and leave me alone!” I shout and end the call quickly before he can say anything else. I realise that at some point during the conversation I have sunk down on to the hardwood floor of the hallway and gingerly start to stretch out my cramping muscles and stand back up as I put my phone back in my bag with shaking hands. Glancing at the clock in the hallway I realise I have less than 8 minutes to make it into work, so I try to put the call to the back of my mind and race out to my car. 

The Tuesday lunch shift is quiet, too quiet for my busy mind after Michaels phone call earlier. The office workers are starting to clear out and head back to their boring desk jobs for the afternoon and soon it'll just be me a couple of regulars left to while away the last couple of hours of my shift before I can finally head home. I'm still exhausted after my impromptu hospital trip the other night, my nightmares seem to have doubled in quantity every time I've tried to get any rest since and the bags under my eyes are a constant reminder of just how little sleep I've actually managed to get, and now I have the added dilemma of trying to figure out what to do about Michael. 

At 4 pm when Chris and his colleagues arrive in the pub, I am glad for the distraction. Despite the fact that I know he's been working hard rehearsing for the Fleetwood Mac event in a few days time, I can't help but keep checking my phone hoping to have heard from Harry. Things have been a bit weird with us since I got out of the hospital and I still haven't managed to find the right moment to talk to him about letting his feelings slip or tell him how I feel. The few conversations we have managed to snatch around time differences, rehearsals and costume fittings, have been short and sweet and it's just not felt like the right time, now I guess I've got to find a way to tell him about my earlier conversation as well, maybe it's best to wait until he gets home I muse. 

“Hey Chris, the usual?” I ask as the guys approach the bar

“Ah look who's back! Yes please love, We missed you around here the last few days. How you feeling?” Chris asks 

“Awe I'm doing fine thanks. Nice to hear someone missed me” I tease him

“Yeah well, there's no denying you brighten up the place!” 

“Aren't you sweet, I'm afraid you still have to pay for your drinks though!” I say with a wink as I place the last of the pints in front of him. He hands me a screwed up £20 note and I make my way over to the till to ring up his order. 

“I was sorry to hear about you and that boy-band bloke calling it a day, he seemed like a good guy” one of Chris' colleagues, Alex calls out, I guess he must have seen the staged pictures of Harry and Sarah, at least they seem to be working I think to myself as I hand Chris his change. 

“Thanks, but it's for the best,” I tell him

“If you say so love, just don't think he needed to be out snogging the face of that blonde chick quite so soon. Was only a couple of weeks ago you were in America with him wasn't it?” Chris chimes in and at his words I feel my blood run cold. 

“Sorry, doing what with who?” I ask him, thinking I must have misheard or he must have the wrong information, the photo's of Harry and Sarah were just of them arriving at a restaurant, weren't they? I haven't actually looked any of them up, as, well why would I? I don't think anyone in their right mind wants to see their boyfriend on a date with another woman, whether they know its a setup or not. 

“The pictures in the paper, they were on practically every front page of the tabloids the other day, you must have seen them,” Alex says

“Oh right, yeah, I heard he went to some restaurant or something,” I say trying to sound disinterested. This whole fake girlfriend thing is not going to work if I can't play my part and pretend that Harry and I are no longer together. 

“I was pissed I don't mind telling ya, thought you'd landed a good one there, didn't expect to see him with his tongue down some birds throat on the front page of the Sun” Chris scowls 

“Yeah. Erm, Don't worry about it. I'll be back in a few minutes” I stutter to Chris and make my way through to the dishwasher area of the bar so that I am hidden from view, my heart racing so fast that I'm sure Chris and the guys must have been able to hear it over the low music from the jukebox. 'snogging the face off' .. 'With his tongue down some birds throat'.. they must have got that wrong, surely, Harry wouldn't do that, would he? 

Pulling my phone from my back pocket I quickly open up safari and start to type in 'Harry Styles and Sarah Jordan' as much as I don't want to look at the photos, I have to know, I have to see for myself and put my mind at rest that Chris just has some bad information. The web search takes an agonisingly long time to load, seeming to tease me with its slowness, each second making my heart race just a little faster. 

I click on the first article I see. 

Harry Styles and rumoured new girlfriend caught getting cosy in LA

The headline reads. When the article finally loads I skim it quickly, a few sentences about how Harry has moved on from his 'troubled bar-maid ex' and back to the 'Leggy models he seems to prefer', then several pictures, the first of which is just Sarah and Harry walking side by side in front of some restaurants, as I expected. The second though, show's them seated in a booth in a sushi bar... I thought they just let the paps snap a couple of photos of them, and then went home, did they actually have dinner together? In the third photo, Harry's long-fingered hand is reaching across the table, and there is Sarah's, resting lightly on top of it, one manicured fingernail seemingly rubbing across the large silver rose ring on Harry's finger. 

OK well, not what I wanted to see. But lots of people hold hands. And this was supposed to convince the media that Harry is in a new relationship. Maybe Jeff sprung the dinner on him at the last minute, or they didn't actually have a meal at all but just posed for a couple more photos, why else would they sit in a booth right next to the large glass windows? I force myself to take a few deeps breaths and try and calm down before I scroll down to the end of the article. But within seconds I wish that I hadn't. 

My head swims as I take in the image before me, it's slightly fuzzy from the dim light outside the restaurant, but I can easily see that they both have their eyes closed and their lips are pressed tightly together, one of Harry's strong hand's cups Sarah's cheek. The rings on his fingers glinting against the flash of the camera. 

Could this day get any worse?


	52. Chapter 52

“Katie? Any chance of another pint love?” Chris' voice calls out from his spot across the bar. Jolting me painfully back to reality. Work. Customers. How long have I been standing here? I quickly run my fingers under my eyes to clear the moisture lingering there and straighten my shoulders before walking back out behind the bar, hitting the power button on my phone as I do so in an attempt to lessen the temptation to search for more photos. 

“Sorry, Chris. Same again?” I ask in the cheeriest voice I can manage

The last two hours of my shift go by surprisingly quickly thanks to a large group of mum's who've decided to bring their kids to the pub for dinner after school. Watching the children play and run around manages to take my mind off the photos a little, but all too soon Amber appears next to me ready to take over for the evening shift. 

“Well hello stranger!” she greets me with a hug “seems with all your holidays and now having been ill, I haven't seen you for weeks!” 

“Hey, Amb” I manage to reply “Yeah its been a while, sorry. I meant to text I've just been busy” 

“I get that... How are you doing?” She asks and I can see from the look in her eyes that she doesn't just mean after my asthma issues. I feel the tears welling up at her concern and force myself to look away, busying my hands cleaning up the last of the ketchup packets that the kids were trying to build some kind of creation out of before their mothers dragged them away. 

“I'm fine,” I say quickly “I'll just clean this mess then I'll get going” 

“I can get that.” I feel her hand rest on my shoulder as she tries to turn me to face her in an attempt to stop me cleaning “Are you ok? You only stay late to clean like this when you're pissed off” she giggles taking a handful of ketchup packets from me. When we finally make eye contact, she seems to read my mind instantly. 

“I, I saw the pictures” I admit, not really knowing what I'm allowed to say. We're supposed to be 'broken up' 

“He's an arsehole. Damn, I mean the boy is hot an all, but who does that? You were in LA with him five minutes ago and he's already out with other women already? When did you guys even break up?” 

I stare back at her for a few seconds searching my brain for a response. I can feel the tears welling up and blink furiously trying to rid myself of them. When did I become such a crybaby? I never used to cry. Michael hated it when I cried. It just made him angrier, so I trained myself to hold in my tears, but somewhere along the line Harry broke down that wall and now the floodgates have opened, I can't seem to close them again. 

“Ah. You haven't broken up,” Amber says matter of factly and I shake my head sadly. “Come on, we need to talk,” She tells me, putting an arm around my shoulder and leading me behind the bar and back to the dishwasher area where I first saw those horrible pictures... 

“Mark, I'm just seeing Katie to her car, mind the bar for a minute?” She calls to our boss who is sat in the office 

“Yes ma'am,” He says mockingly “Want me to do your whole shift for you?” 

“Very funny. Just give me five minutes ok?” Amber implores him and I can feel her nod in my direction as if in explanation. I dare not raise my eyes. 

When we finally reach the tables in the staff area out the back of the pub I sit down heavily and brush the tears from my eyes. I'm done crying. 

“Tell me what happened?” Amber asks me kindly, sitting down opposite me

“But Mark..” I protest not wanting to get her in trouble.

“Don't you worry about him, it won't kill him to do some work for a change. Now spill” 

I know I should lie. Harry and I agreed to tell people we'd split up except for our closest friends, but.. well, fuck it. We also agreed to be faithful to one another and he kissed another damn woman, I don't owe him anything, why should I suffer alone? He clearly has someone to make him feel better. 

“We didn't break up. His manager, well all of us really, thought that, after Michael, that it might be a good idea if the public and the press thought that we had. So Jeff, Harry's manager, he set up this fake date thing with that model” Amber nods at me to tell me she is following me so far, I guess stunt girlfriends are more common than I realised as she doesn't look the slightest bit surprised. 

I stand up and start to pace around the small concreted area as my anger rises, I need to move around to try and get rid of some of this pent up energy.

“They were just supposed to get photographed heading into the restaurant, well as far as I knew anyway. But then today I came in to work and Chris and Alex were talking to me about the photos..”

“You hadn't seen them?” Amber interrupts me, looking shocked for the first time “I wouldn't have been able to stop myself looking them up” she finishes

“I didn't want to see them. I knew it would hurt me even though I knew it was just for show, besides the day he went on that date was the night I ended up in hospital, so I kind of had other things to worry about” 

“Yeah, I get that. So when the guys told you... that's when you went searching for them?” Amber asks gently 

“Yes, after what they had said... I thought they must have gotten it wrong. I mean I trust Harry! Trusted! I trusted Harry, past tense. So I thought I'd just quickly look up the photos so I could ignore anything else the guys had to say, but.. then I saw them” I tell her

“Oh Katie, I'm so sorry. Have you spoken to him?” 

“No,” I say shaking my head furiously “What on earth would I say? Oh hey, Harry! Care to explain what you were doing snogging Sarah the same day you told me you loved me for the first time? I don't think that's a conversation I want to have” I blurt out. Sitting back down on the creaky old picnic bench which sways slightly at the addition of my weight, and placing my head in my hands. “I'm just an idiot, aren't I? I knew! I kept telling him that he'd come to his senses and find someone more suitable for him. I knew I shouldn't trust that he only wanted me. But..” 

“But you love him,” Amber says simply. 

“Yeah. I do. I mean I did. Argh! I don't even know anymore! This morning I was wondering how to tell him that I love him, and this afternoon, I don't think I ever want to speak to him again” I blurt out 

“I know it's hard, believe me, I've been there. But you have to talk to him, babe. You need to hear his side of things” 

“What if.. what if he tells me something I don't want to hear? I already have those photos burned into my eyelids. What if that wasn't all that happened? I don't want to have those images in my head too” I say quietly, absent-mindedly playing with the rose charm on my bracelet. 

“Do you think more happened?” She ask, her eyebrows knitted together in anger and once again I am reminded that I don't give Amber enough credit for how good a friend she is to me.

“I don't know what to think! When I asked him how the 'date' went that night, he just said it was fine, they met, took some photos and went their separate ways.. but they didn't! He lied to me! They clearly had dinner together and then ended up kissing for fuck's sake, that's not what was planned at all! Or at least not the version of the plan I was told!” I am well aware that I am rambling at this point, my anger is getting the better of me and I can't seem to control the words coming out of my mouth anymore. 

“You need to talk to Harry. Maybe its a misunderstanding” Amber tries to console me but I raise my eyebrows at her.

“Did you see the photos?” I ask and she nods back at me sheepishly “Then you know I'm not misunderstanding anything. You should get back inside.” I tell her gesturing to the door “We've been out here too long as it is.” 

“Are you sure? I can tell Mark I can't work tonight if you need me?” she offers

“No no, don't do that. I'm fine honestly. I'm just going to go home and have a bubble bath. Who knows, maybe I'll even have a glass of wine!” I say trying to smile. “Thank you for listening to me, I'm really grateful.. but please don't tell..” 

“I won't say a word, cross my heart” She cuts me off, making a cross over her heart with her fingers before pulling me in for a hug. “Call me ok. Anytime” 

“Thanks, Amb” I reply as she starts to make her way back inside the pub. I sit for a few more moments, turning my phone over and over in my hands, debating whether or not I'm ready to turn it back on. I know it's selfish having it off like this, I don't want Mel or even Harry thinking that something has happened to me, but I need to get my head around all this. Slowly I pull myself off the bench and stretch before heading to my car and starting the short journey home. 

“Mel? You here?” I call loudly as I enter the flat. No response. Deciding I am still not ready to turn my phone back on I head into my room and open my laptop, pulling up Facebook messenger, I quickly type out a message to Mel. 

Just wanted to let you know I've broken my phone, so if you need me, message on here. I'm home all evening so I'll get it xx

I hate lying to her, but I'm not ready for the conversation that will follow if I admit why my phone is off. Talking to Amber was hard enough, but she's more detached from the situation, she's only met Harry once, and she's not dating his tour manager. I need to decide what I want to do before I try and talk to Mel about it. 

I pull off my work uniform and throw it at my hamper, I miss by a good way but I leave it where it falls, I can't be bothered to worry about it right now. As I sit down on the edge of my bed to take my boots off, I catch sight of Harry's T-shirt out of the corner of my eye and throw that at the hamper too, this time it goes straight in. I may not know how I feel right now, but one thing I do know for sure is that I am not going to be sleeping in his T-shirt tonight. I throw my dressing gown around my shoulders and start the bath running before making my way to the kitchen to get a drink, I had been joking when I'd said to Amber that I might have a glass of wine, but now that I think about it, maybe it's not such a bad  
idea. I've had a couple of glasses of wine with Harry over the past few months, and it hasn't done me any harm. 

As I enter the kitchen and yank open the old, stiff fridge door, I see a bottle of Prosecco on the shelf and grab it. I'm sure Mel will understand, and I'll replace it for her tomorrow I reason as I find a clean glass. I need something to silence the voices in my head. I can't help wondering about the timing of it all, he kissed Sarah, then just a couple of hours later, he told me he loved me.. was he just saying that out some weird misplaced sense of guilt? My stomach churns at the thought, he wouldn't do that, would he? Well up until a few hours ago I didn't think he'd kiss someone else.. so what the hell do I know. 

I need distraction, something to read.. hmm, not pride and prejudice I think ignoring the battered old copy on my desk. I am not in the mood to read romance right now... I stand for a few moments perusing the bookshelf before I spot Bram Stockers 'Dracula'. Perfect, vampires and bloodshed. Just what I need right now. I pour a glass of wine and slip off my robe, lowering myself into the hot water and letting it ease away some of my worries before losing myself in the depths of Transylvania. 

What the fuck? I find myself saying out loud as I turn the pages to a new chapter, noticing as I do so that my fingers have started to prune. I've read this book half a dozen times.. how did I not remember that the whole adventure is built around an epic love story when I picked it up this evening? Argh!! I throw the book on the side, resisting the temptation to reduce it to tiny pieces in my frustrated, slightly tipsy state. I can't deal with all this shit at once! First, the phone call from Michael, then the pictures of Harry and Sarah... I must have been a truly horrible person in a previous life to deserve all of this shit I gulp down the remainder of the wine in the glass next to me and go to pour another only to find that the bottle is already empty. Well that's just great isn't it! 

I give up! No matter what I try and do things never seem to go right for me! And this time I only have myself to blame, what the hell did I think was going to happen? That the multimillionaire musician slash movie star was going to be happy settling for someone like me? A barmaid with an abusive arsehole ex-boyfriend who just won't quit and enough health problems to scare away even the most mundane of men? “FUCK!” I hear myself shout as I launch the wine glass across the room. It crashes against the wall with a high pitched 'crack' before disintegrating into a thousand shimmering pieces. 

I feel the hot tears streaking down my face and I know this time, I am powerless to stop them, I squeeze my eyes shut as a montage of images flashes in front of them, Harry and Sarah, Mel passed out in a stall, Michael's fist-raising in anger.. my tears come faster and harder, loud sobs escape my throat as I clutch my arms around my knees and give in the to the pain. It's your own fault. You shouldn't have let him in. You should have protected your heart, a voice inside my head screams at me as I sit ugly crying, alone in the bath, and finally, too late, I realise she's right.


	53. Chapter 53

Predictably, I slept badly last night, plagued not only by my usual nightmares but disturbingly vivid, all too real dreams starring the people in my life. When I finally admit defeat and decide it's time to start my day, my head swims and pounds painfully and I end up laying straight back down again clutching my temples in horror. This, this is why I don't like to drink. I think to myself as I register that the discomfort I am feeling has an awful lot to do with the bottle of Prosecco I polished off last night. 

Slowly this time, I try and bring myself into a sitting position and pick up my phone to check the time, only to realise it's still switched off. Breakfast first, I need to try and eat something and pop some Nurofen before I deal with whatever messages have been left since I turned it off last night. Making my way to the kitchen I vaguely register voices emanating from it, too loud voices, why are they shouting? God my head hurts... 

“Morning sleepy head” I hear Mel say when I eventually make it to the kitchen, she and Ben are sitting at our battered old table drinking coffee from tall Starbucks cups, his thumb absent-mindedly drawing circles on the back of her outstretched hand on the wood. 

“Morning” I groan back 

“Gotta say, Katie.. you've looked better” Ben chimes in taking in my scruffy appearance and I subconsciously pull on the ends of my loose pyjama shorts, wishing they covered just a little more of my thighs, I wasn't exactly expecting company. 

“I think I'm dying,” I tell them, slipping on to an empty chair and promptly laying my head on top of my arms on the table in front of me. 

“Ah, so THAT's where my bottle of wine ended up huh? That's unlike you babe, you ok?” Mel asks me

“I'll be fine. I just.. I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now? Not so much. Do we have any nurofen?” I question her from between my arms, hoping my voice is loud enough for her to hear as I can't bear to raise it anymore, their voices are already much too loud. 

“Aww, poor Katie!” Mel teases me “Of course we do, I'll get you some. And some water, you need to rehydrate” 

I don't attempt to respond, I'm wishing for the hundred plus other mornings in this flat where it's been me trying to help Mel rid herself of HER hangover, I do not like things being this way around. I am usually the responsible one. 

“So! Harry called me about twenty times last night. Why didn't you tell him your phone broke?” Mel asks as she places a glass of water on the table in front of me with a thud. Gingerly I raise my head to take the tablets from her outstretched hand and gulp them down, draining the glass of water in one and holding the empty glass back out to her, imploring for more. As she turns to fill it I try and come up with some kind of excuse, but it's too early and my head hurts too much. 

“My phone's fine, it's not broken. I just didn't want to speak to him, or any other man for that matter” I snap, giving Ben an apologetic look “It's ok, you don't count” I tell him 

“Erm, thanks? I think...” He stammers, clearly not sure whether to be pleased or offended by my statement. 

“Ben sweety, I think I need a little time to talk to my roommate.. any chance I could ask you to pop down to KFC and grab us some comfort food?” Mel coos at Ben in a singsong voice. Ugh, a happy loved up couple, just what I need this morning. 

“Sure babe, I know when I'm not wanted. You girls want anything in particular?” He asks, rising from his seat and kissing Mel lightly

“Just lots of everything I think is the order of the day please” Mel answers, rubbing her nose across his, Eskimo kisses, just like Harry gives me. GAVE. He gave me. I have to stop thinking of him in the present tense. 

“Back soon. Katie.. drink more water ok?” Ben tells me giving me an awkward pat on the shoulder as he leaves the room. 

“Right Misses, spill” Mel instructs the moment we hear the front door close and I begrudgingly launch into the tale of my day, I decide to omit the new information from Michael about the drink spiking... I know she has a right to know and I want to tell her, but how do you tell your best friend that they went through a horrible experience because of you? That the drugs that laid them up for days and scared the hell out of them, were actually meant for you? When I finally finish explaining my break down in the bath, remembering that I still haven't cleaned up the class, Mel is sitting staring at me, her mouth hanging open in shock. 

“What the actual fuck?” She says quietly, almost to herself. 

“Yeah repeat that a few thousand times and drink a bottle of wine on an empty stomach, and you might be just about where I am now” I reply, gulping down the fresh glass of water she has placed in front of me. It's helping, the combination of the water and the tablets are starting to clear the fog hovering across my brain. But the clearer I get, the better my head feels.. the more my heart ache returns. As though the headache isn't actually subsiding at all, just sliding down my neck, past my rib cage and settling around my ever broken and bruised heart. 

“Katie... I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Harry loves you! I know he does! He wouldn't just go off and kiss someone else. Especially not when he knew cameras were watching. I mean seriously, I know you haven't exactly followed his career, but let me tell you the number of women he's been papped kissing is insanely low, he's careful about things like that” 

“Not this time. Maybe this was just his way of getting rid of me. He's had his fun. Time to move on, back to someone more on his level” I say self-deprecatingly. Not caring how pathetic I sound. 

“You have to talk to him,” Mel says quietly

“Yes, you're right I do. I have to tell him its over” I reply and Mel's face falls “I don't want to hear his excuses, Mel. For all, we know those kisses were just the start. He could have still had her in his house when I called him from the hospital” I stop myself abruptly, feeling the burn of bile rising in my throat. No, I don't want to think about this. I don't want him to tell me anything, what I've already seen is more than enough. “Besides, he's already lied to me once, how could I believe anything he told me anyway?”

“Look I don't want to make excuses for him, I love Harry you know that, but yeah, I'm pissed as hell at him right now. But don't go letting your mind wander over all the possibilities, you'll drive yourself crazy” I know she's just trying to keep me calm, but I'm not in the mood for calm, I want to feel this pain, this anger. I need to. Otherwise, I will never learn to stop trusting men, and I'll have to go through it all again. 

“Too late” I admit just as the front door opens again and Ben returns without food. I manage a few bites of chicken, barely registering what I'm eating before I give up and push myself up from my chair. 

“Better get this over with,” I say to Mel as I hold down the power button on my phone and glance at the screen. As expected various messages and missed calls pop up on the screen from Harry. I scan through the calls, made at various times over the evening, the last one about 6 hours ago, then delete the texts without reading them. 

“It's not even 6 am in LA yet honey, I think you might have to wait a little while,” She says, glancing at her own phone.

“That's what voicemail is for” I snap back at her, now that I've decided what I'm going to do, I just want to get it over and done with. Start trying to put it behind me. I still need to call the phone company today and get my number changed. 

“Katie... I know you're angry, but come on, you aren't that callous a person. You owe it to him to have a conversation at least” Mel reasons with me. 

I sigh heavily but I know she's right. If I don't speak to him I won't get any form of closure either, and I need that. “Fine. I'll wait. Thank you for the food, I think I just need to be alone for a while” I tell her. I grab the bright pink zebra print dustpan and brush from under the sink and head to my bathroom to clear up the mess I made last night. 

Two hours later and I am dozing in and out of sleep in front of some crappy movie that I have barely registered a word of when Mel knocks on my door. 

“Babe, I just got a text from Harry asking me to get you to call him from my phone.. what do you want me to say?” She asks poking her head around the door

“He's up then, just ignore it, I'll call him,” I tell her

“Ok, Ben and I were just about to head out, but I can wait and be here when you're done if you want?” She offers

“No its fine, I really am not going to be good company today. Go out, enjoy your day. I'll still be here when you get home, I've got the day off today” 

“You sure?” 

“Thank you, yes I'm sure. Go, have fun!” I try and muster a smile for her as she nods and closes the door. Time to get this over with I think to myself as I retrieve my phone from my bedside table and place the call to Harry. 

“Katie! Hi! Your phones working again now? I wish you'd emailed me or something, I've been so worried” He says quickly as soon as he answers the phone

“Hi. Yeah sorry. I didn't think” I lie, not wanting to admit that I was being too childish to manage to turn on my phone all night

“How are you?” He asks quietly, and it's clear from his tone that he can sense something's up. 

“Look, Harry, I didn't really want to do this over the phone, but I can't pretend everything's ok for the next five days I'm just not that good a liar,” I say, emphasising the word liar 

“Erm.. ok” Harry replies, confused “What's going on darling?” he asks innocently and my stomach churns. I hate that he's still pretending like nothing's happened, he must realise I'd have seen the photo's by now, he must know they've been all over the papers.

“I saw the photos,” I say simply. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing  
how much they have hurt me, so I need to keep this short and concise. 

“Katie... I can explain..” He starts but I cut him off. 

“I don't want to hear your explanations, Harry. I'm sure they are very well rehearsed and that you've got it all figured out, but I'm afraid you've wasted your time, I wouldn't believe anything you said anyway” I blurt out, a little harsher than I intended to, so much for keeping my emotions in check

“What? NO! Baby, you can't think that I.. that I wanted that? She kissed me!” He tries to argue, he sounds so sincere, he's an actor, I remind myself. Of course, he sounds sincere. 

“Of course she did Harry. And I suppose she forced you to have dinner with her first as well? Did she put your hand on her cheek? Did she make you lie to me about it too?” I spit out, completely giving in to my anger and letting it fly. I jump up from the bed and start pacing around my small messy room. 

“No, I..I know, I should have told you straight away, but you were in the hospital! I was so worried about you and I didn't want to give you more shit to deal with, especially when it didn't mean anything!” 

“Do you get how shitty a thing that is to say to me right now? Sorry I didn't tell you I kissed someone else baby, but you were sick. Do you think that somehow justifies lying to me? That it justifies telling me your in love with me the same fucking DAY you kissed another woman?” my anger is reaching boiling point now and I know I need to end the conversation before things get more heated, going over and over this isn't going to change anything. I know what has to happen. 

“I'm sorry! Baby, I'm so so sorry. I swear I was going to tell you everything as soon as I got home!” He almost shouts at me, whether in frustration at being caught out or actual regret I don't know “Katie... I promise you it meant absolutely nothing to me at all, all I thought about the whole time we were in that damn restaurant was how much I wished it was you there with me, not Sarah. I was going to discuss it all with you when I got back to London and then tell Jeff I wasn't going to do his stupid stunt anymore. I love you, Katie, please, please, you have to believe me” he begs, and I can hear his voice cracking over the words, but it's too late. 

“Maybe if you'd have told me yourself Harry, maybe I might have been able to move past this. But do you have ANY idea how humiliating it is to be told by customer's at the fucking pub that your boyfriend has been 'snogging the face off' another woman?” I cry out 

“Katie I'm so sorry you found out like that. I have hated keeping this from you” He whispers quietly

“Sure you have, just not enough to actually man up and tell me about it? I'm sorry Harry. I can't do this” 

“What? Katie No! You can't be serious! It was one stupid kiss! It was over before it even began... I ..” 

“It lasted long enough for the photos to be taken. And you didn't seem remotely upset by it in any of them, you had your hand on her cheek Harry, the same way you always used to put your hand on mine” I say quietly, my anger finally burning out and giving way to fatigue and heartache

“Please don't do this, give me a chance to make this right, please,” Harry says quietly and I feel my heart break just a little bit more at the sound of his pleading voice. 

“I'm sorry Harry. It's over” I tell him

“But.. but... I can't lose you, not over something so stupid... I... I love you” He repeats

“It's too late. Goodbye Harry” I say and end the call just as he starts to try and say something more. 

Within seconds his beautiful face is flashing up on my screen, the picture is one I took at his house in LA, in it Harry is sitting on the oversized leather sofa in his living room, feet up, guitar in hand, he's not looking at the camera, focusing instead on a notebook on his lap as he scribbles down lyrics. I snapped the picture when he wasn't paying attention, wearing just a white t-shirt and sweater, he looks effortlessly sexy and I couldn't help but want to remember that moment. 

I scroll through my contacts and hover over the delete button by his name but something inside me isn't ready to take this final step just yet. As my phone rings again I silence it and toss it to the side. Maybe I'll just get a whole new phone instead of changing my number, my contract's up soon anyway, that way I can just throw this one in a drawer, maybe in a few years time it'll be nice to look back at these memories, but for now. I need to remove all traces of Harry Styles from my life and go back to reality.


	54. Chapter 54

Harry's perspective

The ceiling needs repainting, I realise as I lay flat on my back on my bed staring up at the vast white surface above me, and noticing the small almost invisible cracks in the paint, I should get someone to take care of that I think idly, stretching my arms out above my head. Why the fuck am I thinking about paint? I should really get up before I lose whatever little bit of sanity I still possess. It's only 8:36 am but somehow it feels like my whole world has been turned upside down in the hour or so since I first opened my eyes. How did I manage to fuck this up so badly?   
Internally kicking myself I push my aching limbs in to a sitting position, after struggling all night to get hold of Katie, I eventually went to the gym to try and distract myself and work out some of the anxiety swirling in my belly, but judging by how tight my muscles feel this morning, I think I may have overdone it. I gaze out the huge window across from me and notice with a smirk that it's raining, unusual for LA, and not just a little trickle either, sheets of cascading water are falling from the pewter grey clouds hanging over the high rises and battering the glass in front of me. Good. Miserable weather for a miserable day. Appropriate. 

Normally I'm not the kind of person to mope about in bed feeling sorry for myself. But this morning I can't seem to find the energy to do anything at all, even the idea of dragging myself into the shower sounds as daunting as if someone had suggested I go climb Everest. I reach over to grab my phone and try one last time to call her “Please pick up Katie..” I say quietly as the repetitive ringing plays in my ear. 

“This is Katie, Sorry I missed you! Please leave a message.” her slightly too high pitched voice which betrays her anxiety echoes through the speaker, only my girl could manage to get nervous recording a bloody answering machine message. 

“Katie it's me, again, baby... I'm so sorry. Please let me make this right. Just... Just call me back ok?” 

I toss the phone to the foot of the bed in anger after ending the call and watch it bounce twice against the covers before coming to rest face down, the bright pink cover seeming to mock me with its cheerfulness. Why the hell didn't I just tell her what had happened straight away? I question the empty room, shaking my head and flopping back down against the pillows in frustration. Because I didn't want to upset her when she was in the hospital, the rational part of my brain responds, yeah, that excuse was all well and good on the day, but... she's right, I should have told her by now, I've had plenty of opportunities since she's been back home. I always managed to come up with a reason why it wasn't the right time at that moment, not wanting to spoil a pleasant conversation by admitting the truth, but now its come back to bite me in the arse in the worst way. 

She's never hidden her trust issues from me, if anything, she's probably made it clear more times than I'd like that she didn't trust me to stick around long term. What was it she said again? That she'd rather I wait until we've broken up and I've moved on to someone more suitable before I write a song about her? I should have known she'd react this way and if I'm honest with myself, I can't really blame her. Would I have done anything differently if I'd have seen photos of her kissing another man? My jealousy would have been in full throttle and I don't know if I could have controlled it enough to forgive and forget when you add in the fact that I also tried to hide it from her.. How can I ask her to trust me?

Shaking my head in a pitiful attempt to clear my dark thoughts, I finally climb out of bed and pull on a pair of sweatpants and an old T-Shirt that are flung over the back of the vintage red armchair in the corner of my room, and make my way slowly to the kitchen, grabbing a smoothie from the fridge before collapsing on to the sofa. Checking my phone for the hundredth time, I notice a text from Jeff. 

“Don't forget you're meeting Sarah at 4 outside the gym. She'll be waiting when you come out. J” 

“Like fuck, I am,” I say out loud furiously before quickly typing out a reply. 

“No. I'm not doing this anymore. No more games. Tell Sarah I'm done. H” 

The phone pings with a response almost instantly but I don't even bother to open it, I'm not in the mood for Jeff today. I can't help wondering if this was all his idea in the first place. Did he orchestrate this? Knowing it would scare Katie away? It wouldn't be the first time he's tried to get her to leave after all... I can't shake the feeling that it wasn't a coincidence that Sarah suggested we stay and grab dinner the other night. My mind flashes back to the events, trying to spot any clues I might have missed. 

“I'm famished!” Sarah announces as we walk along the boardwalk in the direction of a sushi place that I've been to a fair few times since buying my house in LA. “Seeing as we're here anyway, shall we grab something to eat?” She asks. Her too high heels clack along the wooden flooring loudly as we walk, her outfit of a short white dress and stilettos contrasting sharply to my vans, T-shirt and Jeans combo.

“Sure, why not” I reply without really giving it much thought. I am hungry and this place does sick California rolls. I am more focused on the paparazzi Jeff has instructed to be here as they snap away picture after picture from the road below us. How many photos of us walking do they really need? 

When we enter the restaurant Sarah slides into a nearby booth by a large window which is illuminated by a bright neon pink sign, I'm tempted to ask her if we can sit somewhere a little more private, until I remember that the whole point of this evening is that we are seen together, I hate being in a fishbowl like this. She has moved as far over in the booth as possible, I assume to leave room for me to join her. It doesn't take long for her to confirm my thoughts as she pats the seat next to her lightly with her long-fingered hands. I shake my head slightly, declining, and settle myself down on the opposite side. Grabbing a menu and trying to decide what to order. 

After a few minutes, the waitress appears and I can't help but notice the pink blush that rises in her cheeks as she introduces herself, she can barely make eye contact with me at all, staring down at her order pad as if her life depends on it. It reminds me of the way Katie always stares down at the floor whenever she is uncomfortable or nervous, even though the waitress looks nothing like her. She has very short, cropped blonde hair, shiny black pants, a too tight blouse and heavy make up which is at least 2 shades darker than her natural skin tone, but her demeanour and shyness automatically make me think of my beautiful girl, sat at home in England, probably with her nose stuck deep in a book, and I wonder, not for the first time, why I agreed to all this. 

I'm not ashamed to be dating Katie, in fact, I am damn proud that a woman like her would give me the time of day. She's so different to all the women I have been with before, there's nothing pretentious or fake about her and the fact that she isn't in my, or another other 'celebrity' industry allows me to feel like I'm just a normal guy, having a normal relationship for once. There's something pure about being with someone who sees me as just Harry, the boy from Holmes Chapel who got damn lucky, as opposed to Harry from one direction who can potentially enhance their career or reputation and get them in to 'cool' industry parties, which are actually really boring 95% of the time.

I am startled out of my thoughts when the waitress reappears with our drinks, she reaches over and places my juice on the table and somehow in her nervousness, manages to spill a large portion of the sticky green vegetable juice over my hand in the process. 

“Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!” She exclaims as her face turns a deeper shade of pink “I'll get you another juice right away Mr Styles” 

“It's ok, don't worry about it,” I say to her with what I hope is a kind smile, poor girl looks mortified. 

She pulls a handful of napkins from a small pouch on her hip and hands them to me shakily, missing upsetting the glass again by mere centimetres. 

“I've got it, thank you,” I say starting to clean the green mess from my fingers. As the waitress turns and almost sprints through a door marked 'staff only' at the other end of the restaurant, Sarah begins to admonish her in a too loud voice that makes me cringe

“You'd think working somewhere like this, people like her would be used to the odd famous face. Surely if the staff are going to go to pieces every time a celebrity walks in, they should be sacked” She grumbles, emphasising the phrase 'people like her' I feel my eyebrows knit together in distaste.

“She was just nervous. Besides, it's only a bit of juice, no harm done” I reply brandishing my now clean hand at her across the table. To my horror, she reaches out and runs her finger across my rose ring and her hand lingers on mine for just a fraction longer than necessary. 

“You missed a bit,” She says as she slowly retracts her hand and brings her finger to her mouth, slowly licking the tip before inserting the length of it between her lips and sucking obviously “Yummy” she almost purrs as her finger slides out of her mouth. 

“Maybe we should just get our food to go,” I say suggest, not really caring what her answer is, I've had enough of this, I pull out my phone as if to check the time “I didn't realise how late it was, and I have a few errands to run” 

When I look back up Sarah is pouting heavily, attempting to look offended, but the effect just makes her look like a strange, oversized, blonde duck. Stifling a giggle and the desire I feel to quack loudly at her, I slide out of my seat and stand up. “I'll go let the waitress know we're leaving,” I tell her matter of factly and walk to the bar and grab the nearest staff member I find.   
“Hi there, we've decided to take order to go instead, is that ok?” I ask the portly man whose name tag identifies him as 'Logan' 

“Erm, sure. I'll sort that out for you. Sorry about the erm, incident there, with the juice, Casey's new and she's not really used to dealing with customer's just yet” He tells me in a raspy voice, he sounds like he must smoke a hundred cigarettes a day. 

“Oh no it's not that, please thank Casey for her wonderful service,” I say handing him a $20 bill. I don't want to get the waitress in trouble just because my 'date' is being problematic and I suddenly have the urge to get as far away from here, and her as possible. “I just remembered I need to be somewhere, that's all” I finish, handing him my credit card to settle the bill. 

“I'll just ask the kitchen to box up your food” Logan replies once he's run my card, and disappears off through the same door as the waitress did earlier. Unsure what else I can really do, I head back to the table to find Sarah staring at her phone. 

“I'm so sorry Harry, I didn't mean to offend you,” She says in a low voice looking up at me from under her eyelashes as she speaks “I really wanted tonight to go well” 

“Don't worry about it” I tell her with a small smile. “I'm sure the paps have gotten all the pics they need by now, which was the point of all this right,” I say gesturing around me. 

“I had hoped that you and I might be able to become... friends. We are supposed to be dating after all, it would be nice if we could enjoy this time together” Sarah continues

“Erm, sure. But it's hardly like we'll be spending that much time together really, just a few photo ops before the paps get bored and move on” I shrug. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I've yet to see anything in her that entices me to want to get to know her better. Generally, I prefer it when my friends don't belittle the staff in the restaurants we visit. 

“Here's your order Mr Styles” Logan interrupts us, carrying several white take away boxes which I take from his hands gratefully. 

“Thank you.” I say to him before turning back to Sarah “Ready to go?” 

She huffs audibly and takes a lot longer getting out her seat than is really necessary but obliges, and soon we are walking back across the boardwalk to the car park below. When we reach a bright orange beetle with white racing stripes, Sarah stops 

“This is me,” She says gesturing to the car as the lights flash the same garish orange as the paint job when she unlocks it. Of course it is, I think to myself, only a woman like her could possibly feel comfortable driving around in a car like this. 

“Do I get a hug goodbye?” she asks me softly

“Er sure” I mumble, 

She takes a slow, deliberate step towards me, stopping when her body is just inches from mine and snakes her arms around my neck in a way too familiar fashion that instantly makes me uncomfortable. “Weird hug” I say raising my eyebrows 

“Just giving the paps a better photo that's all,” she replies quietly and bends to kiss my cheek. Before I can register what's happening, I feel her lips slide across the skin on my cheek and land pressed against mine, her hands tighten around my neck, locking me in place. Instinctively my body reacts to the familiar sensation and my hand reaches up to cup her cheek as I find myself kissing her back for a split second before my brain catches up with my actions. 

“Woah! Sarah!“ I say pulling myself out of her grip and taking a large step backwards, breaking our embrace and creating some much-needed distance .“What did you do that for?” I ask, horrified as I realise what has just happened. Frantically I turn my head from side to side, looking for the photographers who I know were out here just a few moments ago. I spot a balding guy in his 50's looking into the digital screen of his camera and curse loudly “Shit” 

“Haha! Lighten up Harry!” Sarah giggles insincerely “We are on a date after all” 

“Yeah, a fake date!” I snap back “You know I have a girlfriend” I say lowering my voice, not wanting the photographer to overhear. 

“So? It's not like you're married or anything. And isn't she on the other side of the world?” Sarah questions taking another step towards me and running a long manicured fingernail up my arm, making me shiver. I jerk away quickly, amazed by her attitude and have to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something I'll regret. 

“You should go,” I say quietly through gritted teeth and turn away to head back to my own car on the other side of the car park, digging my keys out of my pocket and cursing myself for kissing her back, even for just a second. What the hell Styles?

“See you soon Harry!” Sarah's loud voice carries easily across the large empty space, and I quicken my pace, wanting nothing more than to get out of here, away from this mess.


	55. Chapter 55

Katie's perspective

“Don't you think getting a whole new phone because you don't want your boyfriend calling anymore is a little extreme?” Mel asks me as I rejoin her in the living room

She insisted on staying home from college today to keep me company and we've spent most of the morning curled up under a heap of fluffy blankets on the sofa watching movies and eating copious amounts of junk food, which Mel assures me is the only way to deal with a break up, having only ever been through one before, under very different circumstances, I am happy to take her lead on this one. And besides, it feels like we've barely had any time together lately, what with me being away and Mel spending so much times at Ben's. Having a girly day just the two of us has been really nice. 

Our latest movie choice, the live action version of Beauty and the Beast, was interrupted by a knock at the door just a few minutes ago when my new phone was delivered by a rather unhappy looking driver. I can't say I blame him, it's been snowing heavily since sometime last night and a fresh coat of sparkling white snow has settled on everything in sight, making our road look like some kind of corny Christmas card, I wouldn't want to be driving around in this weather, not enough money in the world I think to myself idly. 

“Yeah Mel, about that. There's something I need to tell you” I say, settling back down on the sofa and turning myself to face her, I pull my legs up under the blankets and take a deep breath 

“Why do you look like you're about to break up with me next,” Mel says in mock horror, pressing a hand to her heart “I didn't do anything I swear!” She giggles 

“Har har very funny. Sorry, it's just, well before I saw the photos the other day before I broke things off with Harry, I had a phone call. From Michael” I admit, Mel's carefree expression is quickly replaced by one of upset as her brows knit together and her lips pucker. 

“What! Why didn't you tell me!” She complains placing a hand of my knee and squeezing it reassuringly “You know you can talk to me about anything, I had hoped, that after the article, you might feel like you didn't need to keep things from me anymore” she adds softly

“I know, I do feel that way, I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to bring it up, and I my mind was kind of focused on Harry a lot of yesterday and being hungover” I tell her, shuddering at the thought of how awful a day it was, after speaking to Harry and ordering my new phone, I'd spent the entire day laying in my bed, alternating between reading, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, and crying. I just couldn't face having another heavy conversation yesterday at all, but I can't keep this to myself any longer, Mel deserves to know. 

“Aww babe, I'm so sorry. It really has been a shit couple of days for you. So that's why you ordered the new phone? How did Michael even get your number?” She asks

“I honestly don't know, he wouldn't tell me. I can't think that anyone I know would have given it to him.. and it's not like that many people have it in the first place..” I reply this is one of the many questions that I've been unable to get out of my head since he called on Wednesday night, how did he get my number? “But yes, that's why I ordered a new phone, I would have had to change the number regardless of Harry. But Mel, that's not what I wanted to tell you. Michael told me something” I search her face for some kind of sign to tell me whether or not she really wants to hear this, as we lock gazes I stare deep into her grey/blue eyes, but all I can see there is concern for me, as always. “Mel, you remember that night at Chris' club?” I ask her in a low, gentle voice and placing my hand on top of hers on my knee.

“Unfortunately I can't see me forgetting that one anytime soon,” Mel says and I feel her shiver slightly at the memory. 

“Mel I'm so sorry. It was Michael that spiked the drink” Mel's eyebrows shoot up in surprise as I speak quickly, rushing to get the words out “He thought it was my glass he was putting the Rohypnol in to, I'm so so sorry Mel, you know I'd never have put you through something like that intentionally, I wish to god it had been me who'd drank the cocktail..” Mel's voice suddenly cuts through mine, interrupting my apology

“WHAT?! Don't be so stupid! And don't you dare apologise to me! I'm glad he didn't get your drink, god Katie, I'm so fucking glad. I can't imagine what would have happened if... I mean look at us” She says gesturing from my small size 8 figure to her much larger one “The number of drugs he put in there knocked me flat out, can you imagine what a dose that size would have done to you? I can't even bear to think about it!” She cries and jumps off the sofa, throwing the blankets to the floor “Fucking bastard!! How the hell did he even know where to find you? What has he graduated from abusive druggie to stalker now??” 

I can't help but stare down at my hands at Mel's question, a part of me wishes I was still wearing the bracelet Harry gave me for Christmas to fiddle with as my fingers move instinctively to where it was resting on my wrist up until yesterday when I placed it and my Gucci dress, Christian Louboutin shoes, Wicked tickets, and everything else Harry has ever given me in to a box at the back of my wardrobe and covered it with a mound of old coats. 

I stall for a moment, using the silence to try and judge whether I should admit to her how Michael managed to track us down that night, but I know I can't lie to her, she needs to know the truth and she needs to be more careful in future too it seems. 

“Mel... You checked us in on Facebook at the club, and I guess you haven't got your posts all set to private or something because he saw it” 

Mel's face falls as she takes in my words and she sits back down heavily on the sofa, covering her head in her hands in dismay. 

“Oh my god Katie I am so sorry. How could I be so stupid?” 

“Hey, hey shhh” I try and soothe her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and resting my head on her back, giving her an awkward hug from behind. “You aren't stupid. Why would you think to make sure all your posts are private? He's my idiot ex after all, not yours, you shouldn't have to worry about things like this” 

“I should have been more careful though, I didn't even think Katie I'm so sorry. I guess I was sort of showing off a bit, I set it that way on purpose... I guess I wanted that post to be public so everyone could see that we were at the club that night, rubbing shoulders with famous musicians and hanging out in the VIP room” Mel admits quietly 

“And you should be able to do that!” I try to reassure her quickly “You shouldn't have to worry that my arsehole ex is going to turn up and try and drug one of us because you put something on Facebook for god's sake! It's me that should be sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with any of this” I insist

“No, don't you do that. Don' you apologise for him. HE'S the one in the wrong here Katie, not either of us. It's been two years for fuck's sake, why can't he move on and leave you alone?” 

Her big eyes look over at me in confusion, desperately wanting to understand why Michael, why anyone, would ever do something like this, but I don't have any answers for her. My mouth goes slack as I try and find the words, coming up empty. 

“I'm sorry” I repeat in a quiet voice when I can't think up anything better to say. 

“I'm sorry too” Mel agrees as she lays back on the sofa. 

After a few minutes of silence, I wrap us both back up in the blankets and grab the package from the table that contains my shiny new iPhone, I'm relieved that they managed to deliver it so quickly, especially in this weather, and start the process of setting it up as Mel un-pauses the movie and opens another large bag of Doritos. 

An hour or so later when the movie ends and Mel stretches and yawns loudly, reaching for her phone on the coffee table. 

“Hmm,” She says audibly as she scrolls through her messages

“Everything ok?” 

“Yeah, just, Ben's worried about Harry...” she admits, showing me the text on her screen from Ben 

“Babe, I hate to ask, but is there any chance you might be able to convince Katie to just hear Harry out? He's in a right state. Lou's debating flying out to LA to see him, but it would mean taking her daughter out of school and as he's back in a couple of days she's not sure its a good idea. Neither of us can remember him being such a mess before though xoxo” 

“Nice to see who's side Ben's on” I snap unhappily, pushing Mel's phone away and standing up abruptly. 

“Aww come on, you know it's not like that! Harry is Ben's boss for all intense and purposes, as well as his friend, it's hardly like he can have a go at him” Mel says 

“I know, I know. Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just... He kissed someone else! AND he lied to me about it! Ben can't seriously expect me to just pretend that didn't happen!” I say, a little louder than I intended, my anger getting the better of me again as I pace around our small living room. 

“Katie no ones saying that you should do that.. but.. but maybe you could at least hear him out? Maybe there's a reasonable explanation ...” 

“That she kissed him? That he didn't mean for it to happen? Who cares Mel? Who cares who instigated it or whether or not he wanted it to happen? It's clear enough from the photos that he kissed her back. AND he hid it from me! He lied to me about what happened that night! How am I supposed to trust him again? God! I had enough trouble trusting him in the damn first place, we're from completely different worlds. And, and, well just look at him!!” I say, flinging the case of a nearby one direction CD on to the sofa next to Mel, “He was never going to be happy with someone like me long term, and I knew it, I told him!! It was always going to end sooner rather than later, so why not now?” 

I know I am being unfair, taking my anger out on Mel this way, I even know deep down that I am probably overeating to this whole situation with Harry and Sarah, but I'm just not emotionally ready to see that yet or to try and move past it. All can picture in my mind every time I think of him is that photograph of his lips pressed against hers... his hand resting on her cheek... I can't just pretend that didn't happen because he's upset. 

“Hey, chill out ok. Remind me never to cheat on you” Mel teases me, trying to break the tension, she pats the sofa next to her lightly encouraging me to sit back down. “You're hurting. And you have every right to be. Just, maybe you aren't the only one, that's all. Think about it? For me?” She asks quietly as she puts her arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her side. 

“OK” I agree quietly “Now pass me the Doritos”


	56. Chapter 56

Harry's perspective

“The number you have dialled is not in service. Please check the number and dial again” 

I've checked the damn number three times already! What the hell is going on? Having spent all day yesterday locked up in rehearsals for the show tonight, this is the first opportunity I've had to try and call Katie when it wouldn't be the middle of the night in London and all I keep getting is this stupid recorded message. The only reason I can come up with for being unable to get through is that she's changed her number... but surely she wouldn't have done that just because we broke up would she? Jesus. It's not like I'm her dickhead Ex who she needs to be scared of. Frustrated I type out a quick message to Lou. 

“Has she changed her number? H” 

I stare down at the phone for what seems like hours waiting impatiently for a response. A quick bit of maths confirms that it's 7 pm in London, so there's no danger of Lou being in bed already. Just as I am about to send another text, I feel my phone vibrate in my hand and see that Lou is calling. 

“Uncle Hawwy!” the slightly squeaky voice of one of my godchildren, and Lou's 6-year-old daughter screams down the phone

“Hey, Luxy! I miss you” I tell her trying to keep the anguish out of my voice

“I miss you too. When are you coming to see me?” Lux asks indignantly 

“Soon sweetheart I promise. I'll be home next week and I'll come and see you then ok? We can go out to the park” I assure her, since the first time I saw her perfect blonde hair when she was just a couple of days old, Lux has had my entire heart, for a long time she was a big part of my day to day life, travelling on the road with me and the boys when Lou was our hairdresser. Now she's at school though, Lou's had to stop coming on tour with me and I don't get to see Lux half as often as I'd like. 

“Can we get ice cream?” She whispers down the phone 

“Sure! Why are we whispering though?” I question her, lowering my voice too and playing along.

“So Mama doesn't hear, she'll say no ice cream” She whispers again and for the first time in days I hear myself laughing

“Our secret then,” I tell her 

“Yay!!!” comes an excited scream

“It's a date. Luxy, can I talk to Mama for a minute please?” I ask 

“MAMMMAAA” she screeches and I find myself holding my phone at arm's length in an attempt not to end up with a burst eardrum. 

“Bye Hawwy” 

“Love you, Lux,” I say as I hear her passing her phone to Lou 

“Hey H, sorry the minute I said who I was calling she insisted she be allowed to speak to you first,” Lou tells me when Lux relinquishes the phone. 

“No worries, I miss her too” I admit, wanting to get the pleasantries out of the way as quickly as possible before continuing “So, has she changed her number?” I ask, repeating my earlier text.

“Yeah..” Lou admits sheepishly. A pang of jealousy sweeps through me as I realise that not only has Katie changed her number, but she's also clearly spoken to Lou about it when she's refused to speak to me for days. 

“Bit over the top don't you think? Changing your number cos you broke up with someone?” I ask too harshly, I can hear the venom in my own voice and force myself to take a couple of deep breaths, none of this is Lou's fault 

“Harry it's not like that, honestly, but, well I don't think it's my place to explain..” 

“Who the hell else is going to when I no longer have a fucking way to contact her? Just give me the number Lou” I shout banging my hand on the kitchen counter. So much for deep breathing. 

“I can't do that H I'm sorry. She made me promise not to give it out to ANYONE. And with good reason. Look, you have her email, right? Why not contact her that way? Yes! That's better anyway! More romantic, and you can take your time and make sure you say everything you want to, without having to try and control your temper in the heat of the moment” Lou suggests

 

“Actually.. you know what, that's not half bad” I admit

“Not just a pretty face,” Lou says happily 

“Most of the time, not even that” I tease her

“Hey, don't make the mistake of thinking that now you're very nearly 24 I won't still smack you Styles” Lou admonishes me “What's the plan for your birthday by the way? Shall I arrange a sitter for Luxy?” 

“No plans,” I tell her, to be honest, I hadn't given it any thought at all. Normally I have a party or a meal or something to mark the occasion, but despite the fact that my birthdays less than a week away, I haven't made any plans. 

“H.. she wouldn't want you to be miserable” Lou replies in a low voice

“You sure about that?” 

“Of course I am. And if you're honest with yourself, you are too. You know she hates anyone hurting because of her, you know it better than I do” 

“Yeah, I know. Sorry. I just.. I miss her Lou. So much” I'm amazed how much it hurts me to say those words, even to Lou, it's like someone's twisted the knife that's been stabbing me directly in the heart for the last 3 days since Katie said goodbye to me. 

“Write the email, Harry, trust me. Girls love that mushy shit” 

“Yeah ok. I'll try. Thanks, Lou, please, if you speak to her...” I start, but my mind goes blank, I can't think of a single thing to ask Lou to tell her that won't sound ridiculous coming from a third party. 

“H?” Lou's voice breaks the silence 

“Sorry. Don't worry about it. Bye Lou” 

“Take care Styles” 

 

An Email. I can do that. I write for a living right? Generally, I'd rather hand write a letter though. Hmm. I grab my MacBook from the kitchen counter and head out into the LA sunshine and layout on the same sun lounger that Katie and I curled up on New years day, noticing the wood creak slightly as I lower my weight on to it. If this place wasn't on the market, I might think about replacing these, but I'm sure the new owners can manage to splash out on their own deck furniture. I need to decide if I'm going to buy another property in LA if and when this place ever sells, I recently lowered the asking price, it's a tough market but I should still make a fair profit I hope. 

Getting back to the matter at hand, I pull open the laptop and hit the power button, but before it even has the chance to boot up I have a brainwave. A letter. I'll write her a letter. So much more personal than email, and I much prefer writing with a pen and paper. Yes, this is perfect, so much more 'Katie' she's not a technology lover at all, actually most of the electronics she goes near seem to break at a mere touch from her I remember with a smile. Recalling a particularly amusing day at her flat in London when she managed to somehow break a hair dryer, her laptop and her bedside lamp within two hours and promptly proclaimed that she was cursed and should have been born in the days before electricity took over the world, I feel the ghost of a smile cross my lips and for a second, just one brief beautiful moment, the knife in my heart seems to disappear. I need to fix this. Grabbing my journal I snatch out a couple of pieces of paper and start to write, pouring my heart into the pages, I just hope it's enough. 

 

Katie's Perspective. 

“Sweet creature  
Had another talk about where it's going wrong  
But we're still young  
We don't know where we're going  
But we know where we belong

And oh we started  
Two hearts in one home  
It's hard when we argue  
We're both stubborn  
I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature  
Wherever I go, you bring me home  
Sweet creature, sweet creature  
When I run out of road, you bring me home”

Nope. Nope nope nope. Not tonight. I think as I rush out of the bathroom in my underwear to skip the familiar track that my Itunes has decided to shuffle to whilst I've been pitifully attempting to make my hair stop doing this weird 'whoosh' thing it seems to be stuck in this evening. I feel a tug on my hand as I reach the bathroom door and am jolted backwards, losing my footing, I land in a heap on the white lino, the hair dryer in my hand, which I'd forgotten I was still holding, crashing down beside me with a thud as I lose my grip on it. Shit! 

“Katie?? Are you OK?” Mel's voice calls out and a moment later her face appears in front of me. She stares down at me for a moment, taking in my crazy hair, bright pink underwear and the hair dryer next to me before doubling over in a seemingly uncontrollable fit of giggles. 

“Ow” I manage before looking down at myself and joining Mel's laughter, I really must look ridiculous from her position. What was I thinking, suggesting we go to a club tonight? I never go to clubs. With the exception of Chris' opening at the end of last year, it's been years since I've set foot in one, and right now, having already spent about two hours trying to find something to wear, and do my hair, I am starting to remember why that is. 

“Oh, how I wish I had my camera!!” Mel splutters between giggles “Love the hot pink undies though babe” 

“Hmph, don't just stand there and judge me. Come and help me do something with this” I say pointing to the mad mess of tangles and frizz pouring out of my scalp. 

“Come here, let's sort you out,” Mel says understandingly and retrieves the hair dryer from the floor and takes my hairbrush in her other hand. 

An hour and a half and about 2 cans of hairspray later, Mel and I finally clamber into my car and start to make our way to a small club in town. When we eventually find somewhere to park I check the road around me before climbing out of the car, positive that the short black dress I am wearing is not going to stay in place whilst I try and manoeuvrer myself off of the chair, yanking the dress over my arse as much as I can in the process. 

“Will you stop with the dress already. I saw you slipping shorts on under it before we left!” Mel admonishes me

“Sorry! I'm trying. I bought the damn dress, didn't I? I'm trying to loosen up. It's just going to take me a few minutes that's all” I shoot back, sticking my tongue out at her. 

Earlier today I decided to take a slow walk in the snow which is now a couple of feet deep and covering just about every side road making it impossible for me to get in to work, mores the pity, and meaning I got an extra day off, after walking for half an hour or so I found myself wandering down a small high street and spotted the most beautiful pair of boots I have ever seen in a shop window. I'm not generally a big shopper, but I do have a bit of a weakness for a pretty pair of boots, and these ankle high stiletto's just called out my name. They are covered in sparkly silver glitter and I love the way the light catches on them and makes them shine even brighter. However, after buying the boots I realised I didn't have anything suitable to actually wear them with.. so ventured into the clothes shop a few doors down and found a short black dress with a lace panel over the shoulders and neck and three quarter length sleeves and bought that as well. 

By the time I got back home with my bounty, I had decided that I needed a night off from being me. Some time to kick back and relax and pretend to actually be the single 25-year-old with few responsibilities that I actually am for a change, and that's when I suggested Mel and I come to a club tonight. A suggestion that I am regretting more and more with each step as my bare legs get bitten by the snow and arctic feeling wind swirling around me. 

As Mel technically already had plans with Ben this evening, we agreed we wouldn't stay out too late and Ben is going to come and collect Mel around 1:30 am. I glance at my shiny new phone, 10:21. Plenty of time for me to dance my troubles away between now and then I think to myself as I grab Mel's hand and pull her through the throng of sweaty bodies writhing over each other on the dance floor to some R&B song I don't recognise. Thankfully within moments, the DJ changes tact and a loud pumping Latino beat fills the space as the track changes. I start to sway my hips lightly to the beat, trying my best to forget all about Harry, and what he may be doing tonight.


	57. Chapter 57

“Dammit. My phones dead!” Mel calls out over the cacophony of voices surrounding us at the crowded bar. “Can I borrow yours to call Ben?”

I roll my eyes at her unhappily, I really don't want anyone else having this new phone number, not that I don't trust Ben or anything, but the less people that have it, the less likely it is that it can find its way back to Michael, but its hardly like I can refuse her. Begrudgingly I hold the phone out to her

“Erm sure, but, can you withhold the number? Please” I implore 

“There is such a thing as being too cautious you know” She slurs back at me, her blue eyes shining with the mixture of alcohol and excitement and her skin flushed. 

She takes my phone and gestures to the entrance area of the club. 

“I'll go out there, it's quieter” she calls over the loud bass emitting from a nearby speaker. 

“Ok! I'll get us some more drinks” I shout back 

I make my way to the bar and struggle to catch the eye of the heavily tattooed bartender who is currently engrossed in conversion with a woman who is wearing the lowest cut top I have ever seen, the tiny piece of white fabric barely able to contain her large boobs, I can see why he's being so attentive I think to myself wryly. After a few minutes I get impatient and call over to him, his head snaps up, a look of annoyance on his face at my interruption. Dragging his eyes away from the boobs he was clearly hoping to get to know better, he saunters over to me. I can't help but notice a large rose tattoo on his forearm and my heart sinks a little, as I remember a very similar looking rose on another arm, thousands of miles away. 

I have successfully managed to avoid thinking about Harry for the last couple of hours, and the break has been refreshing, it has been nice to lose myself in the music and heat of the club and just forget about all the troubles in my little world for a while. But the visual reminder sends a sharp stabbing pain through my chest. I wonder, if I'd just had the courage to tell him not to go on that stupid fake date, would I even be here now? Or would I be sitting at home on the phone to him, excitedly discussing the Fleetwood Mac gig tonight, one of the most important moments of his career? I wonder if he's nervous, he always seems so confident on stage, but deep down I know he's still that same little boy from the X factor who just wants people to like him. 

I thrust a large handful of cash in to the barman's waiting hand, hoping its enough to pay for the extortionately high priced drinks in here as I didn't manage to hear how much he said they would be over the music, and slide myself on to a high bar stool to rub my aching feet as I wait for him to return, quickly downing half the glass of non-alcoholic cocktail he's just poured me. I may love these boots.. but they certainly weren't designed to be worn for three hours of non-stop dancing I think to myself as my eyes wander aimlessly around the crowded club. I've had a great night, and I'm glad Mel and I came out, but I am very much ready to head home now so I hope Ben is able to come and collect her soon. I notice a couple locked in a passionate embrace on the dance floor and can't help picturing Harry and I in their place, remembering the one disastrous attempt I made at teaching him to dance at his house in London, I feel a smile break across my face at the memory, if Harry and I were in their place.. no doubt my feet would be in even more pain from all the times he'd have stepped on my toes. 

I tear my eyes away from the couple and look around at the other people dancing nearby. Suddenly, I catch sight of a glimpse of bright red hair across the dance floor and a sinking sensation settles into my stomach, it can't be? Can it? Being careful not to fall off the high backed chair and make a fool of myself, I lean slightly around a tall pillar at the end of the bar to try and get a better look. At exactly the wrong time, the short redhead turns to face me and catches my eye, her face lighting up in recognition. “Shit.” I hear myself exclaim as she starts making her way towards me. 

“Oh my god Katie!” she calls loudly as she approaches me, trying to make herself heard over the music

“Lily, hey..” I manage to say before she engulfs me in a smothering hug, her red hair sweeping across my face uncomfortably tickling my nose.

“Wow well look at you! How long has it been?” She asks quickly as she pulls back and takes both of my hands in hers “You literally dropped off the face of the earth after you left Michael, we all miss you!” she adds

Yeah right I think to myself. Of all the people I would not want to run in to on a night out, Lily Edwards is pretty high on the list. She was a sometime girlfriend of one of Michaels drinking buddies back when we were still living together, I've lost count of the number of times I've woken up to find her passed out on my old sofa after a heavy night. Praying inwardly that she's no longer in contact with him I nod back at her

“Yeah, sorry about that. How have you been?” 

“Fantastic actually! I'm engaged!” she says a little too loudly and shoves a large diamond ring under my nose, “His name is Graham and he's in finance” She adds proudly

“Oh that's great, congratulations” I reply, looking over my shoulder for any sign of Mel. God, I wish she'd hurry up... 

“That's enough about me! Didn't I read that you're dating Harry Styles? What I wouldn't do for an hour alone with him! Wanna trade?” She giggles, flashing her perfectly straight white teeth. 

“Erm, We broke up actually,” I say quietly trying not to let the hurt show on my face. 

“Oh! What a shame!” She says, but she's still smiling, actually I think her smile has widened at this news. Clearly, she doesn't think its a shame at all. Probably drove her crazy seeing pictures of Michaels straight-laced Ex, who would never have a drink or 'just a line or two' and always tried to spoil their fun, out and about with one of the countries most eligible bachelors. 

“Lily! Come dance with us!” A very short blonde girl who can't even be 5 foot despite the fact that she's wearing heels, begs as she appears seemingly out of nowhere by Lily's side and takes her hand. 

“Oops! Gotta go! We should catch up properly though! I'll friend you on Facebook!” Lily shouts as she is tugged away by the blonde

“No you won't” I mutter under my breath, giving Lillie a small wave as she is swallowed up by the crowd and I'm glad, not for the first time, that I stopped using my account when I moved in with Mel. 

“Thanks, babe. Ben will be here in half an hour” Mel tells me when she returns with my phone moments later. “You ok? You look like you've seen a ghost!” 

“No, I mean yeah, I'm fine,” I say, nodding my head definitely, as much to convince myself as Mel.

“Good! C'mon, let's make the most of our last few minutes of freedom” Mel giggles as she grabs her drink and starts making her way back to the dance floor, swaying her hips as she walks, jumping down off the chair, I make my way after her, trying to ignore the aching in the balls of my feet and the niggling concern at the back of my mind that Lily might still be in touch with Michael as Mel takes my hand and spins me around in a circle to the pumping dance music. 

“I don't know why you insisted on bringing a coat in here! You could have left it in the car” Mel complains Thirty Five minutes later as we stand in the queue for the cloakroom, waiting to retrieve my coat, clearly she is anxious to not keep Ben waiting, he's probably already outside I realise. 

“You really don't need to wait with me. Go find Ben!” I tell her as we shuffle slightly forward in the long line, there must be at least half a dozen people in front of us yet and it seems to be taking the staff forever to get through each person. 

“You sure?” Mel questions me, swaying slightly. 

A small giggle escapes me as I take in her flushed face and messy hair, “Of course, I'm a big girl. I think I can manage ten minutes in a queue on my own” I reassure her

“You're the best. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for a wicked night” She says quickly, hugging me goodbye

“Thank you for coming! Now go. Have great sex!” I tease her with a wink and push her slightly towards the doors. I am rewarded by her flipping me her middle finger and sticking out her tongue as the bouncer holds the door open for her and I am hit with a sudden blast of icy cold wind which makes me shiver, No matter what Mel thinks, I'm glad I didn't leave my coat in the car. 

“Come on, come on!” I curse loudly at my steering wheel as I turn the key in the ignition for the fourth time, it sputters slightly for less than ten seconds before the engine dies and cuts out completely. I don't understand! It was fine earlier! Shit. What am I supposed to do now? I glance down at my phone and debate calling Mel to come back and pick me up, before I remember that her phone is dead, dammit. “Ok, cab it is” I mutter to myself pulling up a list of local cab companies and calling the first one. 

“What do you mean you can be here in about an hour?” I exclaim down the phone to what feels like the hundredth receptionist I have spoken to in the last twenty minutes. I am officially freezing cold now, the small car doing little to protect me from the freshly falling snow and plummeting temperatures. 

“I'm sorry ma'am but because of the weather, we're short on drivers tonight” 

“Yes so is everyone apparently. Fine. Don't worry about it.” I snap and end the call, noticing that it's already 2:05 am. Cursing myself for not renewing my breakdown cover, can't sit in my freezing cold car for another hour waiting for a taxi. Covering my fist in my sleeve I gently rub at the condensation that has gathered on the drivers' side window and look out into the dark side street that I chose to park on. The snow seems to be calming down a little bit now, the heavy flurries of earlier this evening being replaced with soft light flakes tumbling towards the ground, and in that moment I make a decision. 

Opening the car door I am pleased to find that the wind has also calmed and although it's still cold, it's not half as bad as I was expecting. I pull myself from the car and lock it, I'll have to get someone to come and look at it tomorrow, and turn down the road to start the mile and a bit walk home. A small part of me wishing I could just call Harry and ask him to send Toby to come get me. Shaking my head I wonder, not for the first time if I should take Mel's advice and hear Harry out. It's not like I gave him much of a chance to explain on the phone the other day, and I really do miss him like crazy already. 

I trudge forwards down the dark street, lit only by the occasional street lamp which lights the snow beneath it a pale orange, placing one silver boot in front of the other and watching them sink deep in to the fresh white powder on the pavement, I notice how quiet the roads are, I haven't seen any cars pass this way at all. I wonder if I should take a more public route, make my way down the main roads where there are more likely to be other people, rather than the quicker route of walking through the eerie side streets. Crossing the street, I glance behind me out of habit and am startled to see a car moving slowly down the road, a dark hatchback from that I can make out, but the headlights are off, strange, I think and quicken my pace slightly, pulling my long coat a little tighter around my shoulders. Probably just forgot to put their lights on. I rationalise. 

When I reach the next corner, I can't help but glance behind me again, the car hasn't overtaken me... surely it should have done by now? Despite my best efforts, I can only move so quickly through the snow in my heels. Maybe it stopped somewhere? Turning my head as quickly as I can in an attempt to not draw attention to myself, I am startled when I realise the car is closer now, much closer, only 20 or so feet behind me. I can make out the silhouette of a tall, broad-shouldered man behind the wheel, the only light visible in the car coming from a lit cigarette in his hand. As he takes a drag and the light illuminates his features, I feel my stomach sink straight into the heels of my boots. Michael.


	58. Chapter 58

“Dammit. My phones dead!” Mel calls out over the cacophony of voices surrounding us at the crowded bar. “Can I borrow yours to call Ben?”

I roll my eyes at her unhappily, I really don't want anyone else having this new phone number, not that I don't trust Ben or anything, but the less people that have it, the less likely it is that it can find its way back to Michael, but its hardly like I can refuse her. Begrudgingly I hold the phone out to her

“Erm sure, but, can you withhold the number? Please” I implore 

“There is such a thing as being too cautious you know” She slurs back at me, her blue eyes shining with the mixture of alcohol and excitement and her skin flushed. 

She takes my phone and gestures to the entrance area of the club. 

“I'll go out there, it's quieter” she calls over the loud bass emitting from a nearby speaker. 

“Ok! I'll get us some more drinks” I shout back 

I make my way to the bar and struggle to catch the eye of the heavily tattooed bartender who is currently engrossed in conversion with a woman who is wearing the lowest cut top I have ever seen, the tiny piece of white fabric barely able to contain her large boobs, I can see why he's being so attentive I think to myself wryly. After a few minutes I get impatient and call over to him, his head snaps up, a look of annoyance on his face at my interruption. Dragging his eyes away from the boobs he was clearly hoping to get to know better, he saunters over to me. I can't help but notice a large rose tattoo on his forearm and my heart sinks a little, as I remember a very similar looking rose on another arm, thousands of miles away. 

I have successfully managed to avoid thinking about Harry for the last couple of hours, and the break has been refreshing, it has been nice to lose myself in the music and heat of the club and just forget about all the troubles in my little world for a while. But the visual reminder sends a sharp stabbing pain through my chest. I wonder, if I'd just had the courage to tell him not to go on that stupid fake date, would I even be here now? Or would I be sitting at home on the phone to him, excitedly discussing the Fleetwood Mac gig tonight, one of the most important moments of his career? I wonder if he's nervous, he always seems so confident on stage, but deep down I know he's still that same little boy from the X factor who just wants people to like him. 

I thrust a large handful of cash in to the barman's waiting hand, hoping its enough to pay for the extortionately high priced drinks in here as I didn't manage to hear how much he said they would be over the music, and slide myself on to a high bar stool to rub my aching feet as I wait for him to return, quickly downing half the glass of non-alcoholic cocktail he's just poured me. I may love these boots.. but they certainly weren't designed to be worn for three hours of non-stop dancing I think to myself as my eyes wander aimlessly around the crowded club. I've had a great night, and I'm glad Mel and I came out, but I am very much ready to head home now so I hope Ben is able to come and collect her soon. I notice a couple locked in a passionate embrace on the dance floor and can't help picturing Harry and I in their place, remembering the one disastrous attempt I made at teaching him to dance at his house in London, I feel a smile break across my face at the memory, if Harry and I were in their place.. no doubt my feet would be in even more pain from all the times he'd have stepped on my toes. 

I tear my eyes away from the couple and look around at the other people dancing nearby. Suddenly, I catch sight of a glimpse of bright red hair across the dance floor and a sinking sensation settles into my stomach, it can't be? Can it? Being careful not to fall off the high backed chair and make a fool of myself, I lean slightly around a tall pillar at the end of the bar to try and get a better look. At exactly the wrong time, the short redhead turns to face me and catches my eye, her face lighting up in recognition. “Shit.” I hear myself exclaim as she starts making her way towards me. 

“Oh my god Katie!” she calls loudly as she approaches me, trying to make herself heard over the music

“Lily, hey..” I manage to say before she engulfs me in a smothering hug, her red hair sweeping across my face uncomfortably tickling my nose.

“Wow well look at you! How long has it been?” She asks quickly as she pulls back and takes both of my hands in hers “You literally dropped off the face of the earth after you left Michael, we all miss you!” she adds

Yeah right I think to myself. Of all the people I would not want to run in to on a night out, Lily Edwards is pretty high on the list. She was a sometime girlfriend of one of Michaels drinking buddies back when we were still living together, I've lost count of the number of times I've woken up to find her passed out on my old sofa after a heavy night. Praying inwardly that she's no longer in contact with him I nod back at her

“Yeah, sorry about that. How have you been?” 

“Fantastic actually! I'm engaged!” she says a little too loudly and shoves a large diamond ring under my nose, “His name is Graham and he's in finance” She adds proudly

“Oh that's great, congratulations” I reply, looking over my shoulder for any sign of Mel. God, I wish she'd hurry up... 

“That's enough about me! Didn't I read that you're dating Harry Styles? What I wouldn't do for an hour alone with him! Wanna trade?” She giggles, flashing her perfectly straight white teeth. 

“Erm, We broke up actually,” I say quietly trying not to let the hurt show on my face. 

“Oh! What a shame!” She says, but she's still smiling, actually I think her smile has widened at this news. Clearly, she doesn't think its a shame at all. Probably drove her crazy seeing pictures of Michaels straight-laced Ex, who would never have a drink or 'just a line or two' and always tried to spoil their fun, out and about with one of the countries most eligible bachelors. 

“Lily! Come dance with us!” A very short blonde girl who can't even be 5 foot despite the fact that she's wearing heels, begs as she appears seemingly out of nowhere by Lily's side and takes her hand. 

“Oops! Gotta go! We should catch up properly though! I'll friend you on Facebook!” Lily shouts as she is tugged away by the blonde

“No you won't” I mutter under my breath, giving Lillie a small wave as she is swallowed up by the crowd and I'm glad, not for the first time, that I stopped using my account when I moved in with Mel. 

“Thanks, babe. Ben will be here in half an hour” Mel tells me when she returns with my phone moments later. “You ok? You look like you've seen a ghost!” 

“No, I mean yeah, I'm fine,” I say, nodding my head definitely, as much to convince myself as Mel.

“Good! C'mon, let's make the most of our last few minutes of freedom” Mel giggles as she grabs her drink and starts making her way back to the dance floor, swaying her hips as she walks, jumping down off the chair, I make my way after her, trying to ignore the aching in the balls of my feet and the niggling concern at the back of my mind that Lily might still be in touch with Michael as Mel takes my hand and spins me around in a circle to the pumping dance music. 

“I don't know why you insisted on bringing a coat in here! You could have left it in the car” Mel complains Thirty Five minutes later as we stand in the queue for the cloakroom, waiting to retrieve my coat, clearly she is anxious to not keep Ben waiting, he's probably already outside I realise. 

“You really don't need to wait with me. Go find Ben!” I tell her as we shuffle slightly forward in the long line, there must be at least half a dozen people in front of us yet and it seems to be taking the staff forever to get through each person. 

“You sure?” Mel questions me, swaying slightly. 

A small giggle escapes me as I take in her flushed face and messy hair, “Of course, I'm a big girl. I think I can manage ten minutes in a queue on my own” I reassure her

“You're the best. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for a wicked night” She says quickly, hugging me goodbye

“Thank you for coming! Now go. Have great sex!” I tease her with a wink and push her slightly towards the doors. I am rewarded by her flipping me her middle finger and sticking out her tongue as the bouncer holds the door open for her and I am hit with a sudden blast of icy cold wind which makes me shiver, No matter what Mel thinks, I'm glad I didn't leave my coat in the car. 

“Come on, come on!” I curse loudly at my steering wheel as I turn the key in the ignition for the fourth time, it sputters slightly for less than ten seconds before the engine dies and cuts out completely. I don't understand! It was fine earlier! Shit. What am I supposed to do now? I glance down at my phone and debate calling Mel to come back and pick me up, before I remember that her phone is dead, dammit. “Ok, cab it is” I mutter to myself pulling up a list of local cab companies and calling the first one. 

“What do you mean you can be here in about an hour?” I exclaim down the phone to what feels like the hundredth receptionist I have spoken to in the last twenty minutes. I am officially freezing cold now, the small car doing little to protect me from the freshly falling snow and plummeting temperatures. 

“I'm sorry ma'am but because of the weather, we're short on drivers tonight” 

“Yes so is everyone apparently. Fine. Don't worry about it.” I snap and end the call, noticing that it's already 2:05 am. Cursing myself for not renewing my breakdown cover, can't sit in my freezing cold car for another hour waiting for a taxi. Covering my fist in my sleeve I gently rub at the condensation that has gathered on the drivers' side window and look out into the dark side street that I chose to park on. The snow seems to be calming down a little bit now, the heavy flurries of earlier this evening being replaced with soft light flakes tumbling towards the ground, and in that moment I make a decision. 

Opening the car door I am pleased to find that the wind has also calmed and although it's still cold, it's not half as bad as I was expecting. I pull myself from the car and lock it, I'll have to get someone to come and look at it tomorrow, and turn down the road to start the mile and a bit walk home. A small part of me wishing I could just call Harry and ask him to send Toby to come get me. Shaking my head I wonder, not for the first time if I should take Mel's advice and hear Harry out. It's not like I gave him much of a chance to explain on the phone the other day, and I really do miss him like crazy already. 

I trudge forwards down the dark street, lit only by the occasional street lamp which lights the snow beneath it a pale orange, placing one silver boot in front of the other and watching them sink deep in to the fresh white powder on the pavement, I notice how quiet the roads are, I haven't seen any cars pass this way at all. I wonder if I should take a more public route, make my way down the main roads where there are more likely to be other people, rather than the quicker route of walking through the eerie side streets. Crossing the street, I glance behind me out of habit and am startled to see a car moving slowly down the road, a dark hatchback from that I can make out, but the headlights are off, strange, I think and quicken my pace slightly, pulling my long coat a little tighter around my shoulders. Probably just forgot to put their lights on. I rationalise. 

When I reach the next corner, I can't help but glance behind me again, the car hasn't overtaken me... surely it should have done by now? Despite my best efforts, I can only move so quickly through the snow in my heels. Maybe it stopped somewhere? Turning my head as quickly as I can in an attempt to not draw attention to myself, I am startled when I realise the car is closer now, much closer, only 20 or so feet behind me. I can make out the silhouette of a tall, broad-shouldered man behind the wheel, the only light visible in the car coming from a lit cigarette in his hand. As he takes a drag and the light illuminates his features, I feel my stomach sink straight into the heels of my boots. Michael.


	59. Chapter 59

I wake up shaking, feeling beads of sweat dripping down my spine, “I could make you” his voice echoes in my head and I suppress a heavy shudder at the memory. How is it that after all this time, just one run in with him can leave me so terrified? I don't feel like I've slept for more than a couple of hours and the sun is still low in the sky outside my window, indicating that it's barely morning. The mere idea of having to get out of bed and go to retrieve my car fills me with horror. What if I see him again? What if he finds me? Louis! I had forgotten about the near stranger who came to my rescue last night and is now sleeping on my sofa. At least I don't have to venture out alone.

Slowly I force myself out of bed and throw on my dressing gown before heading out of my room to go and check on my guest. As I open the door I can hear a low, muffled voice emitting from somewhere down the hall, it sounds like he's on the phone... I shouldn't be listening to I scold myself and turn to head back in my room until he speaks an all too familiar name which catches my attention, unable to stop myself, I pause in the doorway, listening intently.

“Harry you have to calm down mate. She's ok, honestly. Sure she's shaken up, but she's alright”

Silence, I assume Louis is listening to his reply. Is he talking to Harry? About me? I guess that makes sense, it's not like I could ask him to hide something like this from one of his best friends, he's done more than enough for me already.

“Mate seriously, you have to chill out. Aren't you flying back tomorrow anyway? Look, I'll take her to get her car today, make sure she gets back home alright, its probably just the battery or something” Louis disembodied voice floats down the hall “Yeah yeah, I'll call you later and let you know how she is OK? Alright mate. Take it easy”

I may only have heard a small portion of one side of their conversation, but even I can work out that clearly, Louis has explained last nights events and that Harry is now worried about me, what did he mean by 'aren't you flying back tomorrow anyway?' was Harry suggesting he comes home early? My heart leaps at the thought of him flying back and appearing on my doorstep, just like he did after Italy, the last time I tried to run away from him. I have to stop and take a moment to remind myself that Harry and I aren't together anymore. I can't expect him to run over every time I have a problem, I made that choice.

I make my way down the hallway sheepishly, unsure whether or not to admit to Louis what I've just heard. Entering the kitchen, I see him leaning against the counter in the same clothes he was wearing when I left him last night, a fresh wave of guilt hits me as I realise how much trouble he's had to go through for me in the last 12 hours when he barely knows me.

“Morning love,” He says as I enter the room “Tea?”

“Morning, yes, please. Did you erm, sleep ok?” I ask tentatively, god this is awkward, I am not used to having male visitors, especially not first thing in the morning, the only man I've ever bought here is Harry.

“Coming up. Not going to lie I've slept on more comfortable sofas” He cheekily replies and gets to work pouring me a cup. We quickly discuss whereabouts I abandoned my car last night and make a plan to go and try and pick it up once we've both had a shower and woken up a little, I'm finally starting to feel a little more comfortable when Louis' face suddenly creases in to a tight frown as he sits opposite me sipping his tea.

“Katie... Look I'm sorry, but I should tell you. I spoke to Harry. I couldn't tell him I was here, he'd have killed me if he'd found out later and so I ...” 

“It's ok Louis,” I interrupt him “I heard you on the phone, sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop. You really don't need to apologise, I don't know what I'd have done without you last night, I'm not angry at you for telling Harry”

“Phew” He exhales heavily, his whole frame seeming to relax as he does so. “I didn't want to stick my nose in or anything, but I had to tell him. He's worried about you, wanted to come straight home” He adds quietly looking deep into my eyes to try and gauge my reaction

“That's Harry” is all I can manage to say in response.

“Yeah, that's Harry.” He agrees with a smile.

An hour later Louis' oversized black range rover pulls up in the little side road I left my little yellow car in last night. Some of the snow has started to melt in the morning sun leaving a grey messy sludge behind in its wake.

“Try it again for me?” Louis calls from under the car bonnet and I turn the key in the ignition for the third time, listening to it sputter and cough before dying out abruptly.

“Hmm. Doesn't make any sense..” Louis mumbles and I see him make his way back around to the rear of the car. “What the...”

He disappears from my view for a moment and I can hear him grunting softly before he suddenly reappears, holding what looks like a long, very dirty piece of fabric.

“Katie, Does your ex know what car you drive?” He asks me hesitantly as he approaches the drivers' side door which I have left open so I could hear him whilst he checked out the car.

“Erm, yes I guess so, I mean, I've had it since before I left him.” I tell him, utterly confused, I look around quickly, wondering if he's somehow, here again, having found the car and assumed I'd have to return for it, once I have ascertained that there's no one else on the quiet street but us and a sleek black cat perched on a brick wall, I return my questioning gaze to Louis “Why do you ask?”

“Because look.” He says holding up what I can now see is an old bed sheet, covered in black dirt “Sheets don't generally find their own way into someone's exhaust pipe..”

“You mean... you think he did that? He sabotaged my car?” I ask horrified, my voice barely a whisper as I try and understand what Louis is suggesting.

“Him or someone else, but yeah, this was done on purpose” Louis admits, he crouches down in front of me on the curb and places a hand on my knee. “Your shaking. Slide over. I'll drive you back. I can pick my car up later” He tells me. I want to protest, knowing he's already done more than enough for me and that I don't deserve his kindness, but I can't seem to find the words to argue so I manoeuvrer myself over the gear stick with some difficulty into the passenger seat. Louis slides in next to me and turns the key, the car starts up without issue, the engine rumbling away, at the sound I feel a tear drop down my cheek. He did this.

A soft thumb grazes across my face, wiping the tear away gently. “C'mon, let's get you home”

 

I can't believe he would actually sink so low as to sabotage my car... I think as I busy myself trying to clean up the flat a few hours later. Louis left an hour or so ago, after I thanked him for the thousandth time, telling me to call him anytime if I needed anything, and since then I have been trying everything I can think of to distract myself from the realisation that Michael planned the events of last night, he ensured my car wouldn't start so that I'd have to walk home from the club. He must have found it after Lily called and told him where I was... I guess it shouldn't be so much of a shock that someone who would intentionally put date rape drugs into a cocktail in a club wouldn't be above blocking a car exhaust, but I am still finding it hard to process everything.

Michael has always been controlling yes, abusive, too quick to raise his fists and impossible to reason with, but I'd never realised that he would sink to this level, in all the years I was with him he never did anything like this before. But then, he had no reason to, I realise, he had me exactly where he wanted me. The one question that keeps running over and over in my mind though, is, why now? What changed? I left him two years ago... and until that article was printed, we'd had no interactions what so ever, I assumed he had moved on, found someone else, forgotten about me. Why would he suddenly feel the need to start trying to get back in contact with me now? After all this time? It doesn't make any sense.

I lean down and stick my head deep in the dishwasher, trying to retrieve a wayward fork which has somehow gotten lose and ended up stuck under one of the trays when the doorbell rings making me jump, I hit my head on the top of the dishwasher with a bang and curse loudly. Ouch. Rubbing my sore head with my hand in an attempt to ease the sting, I make my way to the door and swing it open.

“Delivery for Miss Francis” a short, slightly spotty teenager with bright red hair and glasses sliding down his nose informs me. I can't help but stare at him blankly for a moment, I'm not expecting anything, I take in the large box under his arm which must be at least 3 feet long.

“Erm, yes that's me,” I say and quickly sign for the package.

“Have a great day?” He says, handing me the parcel and pushing his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose with his index finger.

“Thanks” I mumble as I try to manoeuvrer the long package and myself back through the hallway. I only make it far enough to close the door before I give up. Kneeling down on the floor, I examine the long rectangular white box, confused and a little wary. After the events of the last 24 hours, I am somewhat done with surprises I think. Tentatively I prise open the lid and find myself falling back on my heel in shock. 

 

Inside, are the most beautiful red long-stemmed roses I have ever seen. As I reach in a carefully remove one, making sure not to prick myself on the thorns, I realise how deep the box is.. layer upon layer of roses, each as exquisite as the one next to it, and nestled deep in amongst them, a single sheet of paper. Gently I pull it out from between the stems with shaking hands, recognising the handwriting immediately.

Katie,

I keep re-writting this letter, over and over again, trying to find the right words to tell you how very sorry I am, trying to figure out how to fix this.

I can't imagine a world where I don't get to hold you in my arms, where I don't get to kiss you, or watch you nervously play with my rings, where I don't get to see you turn that beautiful shade of red you go whenever I catch you singing, where I can't hear your laugh or see your smile.

For 89 days, the ONLY person I have had any interest in dating is YOU. I'm SO sorry that I ever made you question that. I should never have agreed to the stupid date in the first place. I'm an idiot.

Your smile is the first thing I think of every morning and the only thing I want to see before I fall asleep at night.

I need you. More than I thought possible. I'm a mess without you by my side.

Please let me try and fix this. Give me one last chance to show you that I can be a man worthy of being with you. That you can trust me.

I will never lie to you again. Please, just let me love you.

All the love

Harry

PS: Red roses symbolise LOVE.

 

The letter is peppered with watermarks.. tears I realise as my own begin to fall, hitting the page in my hand lightly and joining with his as I notice the postscript at the bottom. 'Red roses symbolise love' He really does loves me.


	60. Chapter 60

Harry's perspective 

I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. Jesus Styles pull it together I scold myself. Seriously, I can get on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans and sing to them, entertain them, no problem at all. But make me sit on the other side of the world from the woman I love and am desperately trying to win back... waiting to see if the letter and roses I sent to her have made her believe how sorry I truly am.. and apparently, I fall apart. 

Running my fingers through my hair nervously, I continue to pace up and down the small deck outside my LA house, feeling it depress slightly under my weight with every step. Its early, far too early for me to be up and about with so much excess energy really, especially after the show last night, but the delivery I sent her should be arriving any minute, and, idiot that I am, I can't stop staring at my phone, willing her to contact me. 

Last night was such a mess of emotions, performing with Fleetwood was indescribable. I never in a million years thought I would have the opportunity to stand on stage with my idols and play one of my favourite songs, sure I got to play with Stevie before, at the Troubadour show, but this, this was another level. Being surrounded by my peers and people I admire in the industry and getting to share a stage with the entire band, whilst they are honoured for their contributions to music over the years, is a memory I will cherish long after my performing days are over. 

I'd not long been off stage when Louis called me, we were all about to head off to a fancy after-party at some club that Mick had arranged, but, after speaking to Lou, and hearing what had happened with Katie and Michael, I just didn't feel up to being social. All I wanted to do was get on a plane home, drive to Katie's and wrap her in my arms, make her feel safe, reassure her that I won't let that bastard near her ever again.. But Louis talked me out of that. Reminding me that I am due to fly back today anyways and that, well, she's not 'my' girl anymore. I fucked up and she left me. And I can't even call her or send her a damn text message to make sure she's OK because she changed her number. 

With a deep sigh I flop down on one of the deck chairs and run my fingers across the lightly polished wood, I can't seem to sit still, nervous energy coursing through my veins. Maybe I should hit the gym I think idly. Picking up my phone, I decide to text Louis, to thank him again for looking after Katie last night, god knows he didn't have to even answer her call, let alone drive across London to help her in the middle of the night, I don't think I've ever been so grateful to anyone. 

“Did you get her car ok?” 

“Yeah.. but H, it wasn't the battery. That bastard Ex of hers had blocked the exhaust so the car wouldn't start” 

My heart begins to race so quickly at his words that I think it's going to burst through my ribcage and bounce off into the pool as I stand up quickly and hit the call button on my phone. My hands are shaking and slick with sweat, texting isn't an option right now. 

“Hiya Mate” Louis Doncaster accent drawls down the phone, he sounds tired, no, he sounds exhausted. 

“Louis.. what the hell happened?” I ask him quickly through gritted teeth “Is Katie ok? Are you still with her? Let me talk to her!” I demand in one breath. 

“Alright mate calm down. She's OK. I'm not still with her, I'm at home so I can't put her on the phone” He says in a calming tone

“Tell me what happened,” I repeat, trying to take deep breaths as I resume my pacing up and down the deck. I'm going to wear a fucking hole in it if I'm not careful I realise and change direction to abuse another part of the flooring with my heavy tread instead. 

“I don't honestly know mate. We got to the car, and it wouldn't start. I checked the battery and a few other bits, but couldn't find an obvious answer. I wandered around the back of the car and saw a dirty rag hanging out the exhaust. The only explanation I can think is that it was him. He'd packed it in there pretty well, completely blocked it. Once I got it out the car started fine” 

“Is Katie ok?” I ask quietly trying to swallow the bile I can feel rising at the back of my throat and I press my head against the cool brick wall of the house to try and steady myself. 

“She was shaken up, I didn't think she should drive so I took her back home. When I left she was gonna call the inspector we spoke to last night and fill her in” Louis tells me 

“Fuck Louis. I mean how fucking dare he? What the hell would possess someone to do something like that? I'll .. I'll...” I stutter but Louis cuts me off. 

“You'll do nothing. Not unless she asks you to. H, she needs to go about this the right way, contact the police and let them deal with it, not have you barrelling in, all guns blazing swinging for the bloke. Not that he doesn't' deserve a good kicking, if I could I'd go do it myself.” He adds and I can tell from his tone that he's just as angry as I am. Katie brings out the protective side in people. 

“I'm so glad you were there for her Lou. I hate being so far away, I can't even call her..” 

“I know mate. And it sucks, it really does. But she's ok. I made her promise to call me if she needs anything.. I'm due to fly out to the states in a couple of weeks, but until then, anything she needs” Louis reassures me. 

I wish it would be me that she'd call, but if it can't be... who better to take care of her than one of my best friends? I know Louis nearly as well as I know myself after spending so many years on the road together, we even had a flat together for a while when the band first got put together, and I know without a doubt that he'll do anything she needs. 

“Thank you. So much. Really mate, I can't thank you enough for looking out for her” 

“She's a good girl H, she doesn't deserve this shit. When I showed her the sheet and asked her if that prat of an ex of hers knew what car she drove... all the colour just drained of her. It was like looking at a ghost. She was shaking so hard, I don't think she ever thought he'd do something like that.” 

Walking back into the house, the phone still clutched to my ear, the stabbing pain in my chest returns in full force as Louis words hit me. I should have been there for her. I should never have let her go back to the UK alone. But.. if she didn't think he could do something like this... how could I have had any clue? I didn't think they were even in any kind of contact. 

“Hazza, you still there mate?” Louis' voice interrupts my thoughts as I sit down heavily on my leather sofa and put my head in my free hand. 

“Yeah. I'm here. How did he know where she was?” I ask Louis in a low voice, trying to control my anger. 

"Katie said she ran into an old friend in the club last night, and that she called him" 

Fuck. She wouldn't have even been in that club if I hadn't have hurt her. My sweet girl is much happier curled up at home with a book or off at the theatre. Nights out on the town aren't her style. This is all my fault. 

“Look, it's probably not my place. But there's something else you should know.” Louis pauses for a moment and I hear him take a deep breath before continuing. “It was him that spiked her mates drink. At Chris' club opening. He called her last week and admitted it.” 

The bile rises in my throat again and I can barely manage to keep it down as I growl down the phone in response to Louis revelation. 

“What! He called her? Is that why she changed her number?” I ask him 

“Yeah, I'm sorry mate, apparently he called her the same day she saw the photos of you, well, you know. He told her he was going for her drink, but her flatmate, Mel is it? she drank it whilst Katie was on the phone with you” 

“Lou said there was another reason she'd changed it, but she wouldn't tell me what. Did she tell the police this?” I ask him frantically, twisting my fingers back through my hair in agitation and starting to pace again. I want to hit something. Hard. And it's taking all my concentration not to lose it right now. I should have insisted she go to the police that night. 

“Yeah, that's how I know about it. I was there when she told them. This bloke is seriously fucked up mate. We need to keep him away from her. I suggested she go stay with her family for a while, but she said she couldn't take more time off work. I could offer that she come and stay here?” Louis says in a distant voice, more as though he's thinking out loud than actually asking my opinion on the matter. 

“She should be with me” I growl impatiently “She needs to be with me” 

A low beep in my ear startles me out of our conversation momentarily and I glance down at my phone 

“The flowers are beautiful and your letter made me cry. Katie xx” 

“Lou? I've gotta go, mate, she's just texted me. Thank you again, please keep in touch OK, let me know if anything else happens?” 

“Of course mate. I'm glad she's text you. Go look after her. I'll call you later” 

“Thanks, Louis,” I say quickly as I hang up the phone and stare down at the text in wonder. She text me. Thank god. I quickly save her new number to my phone, terrified I'll lose contact with her again, I debate calling her, but I don't want to scare her away, she's been through so much in the last 24 hours, I don't want to push too hard too fast. Baby-steps Styles, I think to myself and type out a quick reply. 

“I meant every word, although I'm sorry I made you cry. I only ever want to make you happy and see you smile. I'm so grateful that you text. I miss you so much, baby. Are you ok? H xx” 

“I miss you too Harry, I'm OK. You spoke to Louis? Xx”

“Yes baby I spoke to him, It's taken all my willpower not to come straight home to you. My flight is 7 pm tonight, please can I see you when I'm home? I just need to see that you're OK for myself, please? H xx”


	61. Chapter 61

Katie's Perspective. 

“I need you more than I thought possible. I'm a mess without you by my side.”

I'm lying on my freshly made bed, having finally finished cleaning everything in the house that there is to be cleaned when, without thinking, I find myself reaching over to pick up the tear-stained piece of paper from my bedside table and re-read Harry's letter again, his words cutting through me like a knife and causing the stabbing pain in my chest to reappear. 

“Please just let me love you” Oh Harry, you have no idea how much I want you to, but how can I give my heart to someone I don't trust? I make a decision and without giving myself time to think about it or over analyse I grab my phone and start typing him a text message. 

“This is my new number. Katie” No that's too impersonal, I can't send that... 

“I miss you so much Harry..” no that's too intense for our first proper communication in over a week, shaking my head I hit the delete button. Third time lucky? 

“Your letter made me cry. Katie xx” Hmm nope, so much for that idea, that's not quite right either. Argh, why is this so hard? Talking to Harry used to be the simplest thing in the world. Deleting the message for the third time I try again. I roll over on to my back on my bed, balancing my phone above my head and trying not to drop it on my face as I quickly type the first thing that comes to mind. 

“The flowers are beautiful and your letter made me cry. Katie xx” 

Yes. That's OK, simple, to the point. Before I can change my mind again I quickly hit the send button and place the phone face down next to me. So I don't sit here staring at the damn screen waiting for his response which may never come. Music. My go-to distraction for every uncomfortable situation, that's what I need. Hopping up off the bed I make my way to my battered old laptop and open up my trusty Itunes out of habit, but that's not quite what I want I don't think... hmm. Opening a browser, I head to YouTube and glance over the recommended titles there, finally spotting the one I want, I hit play and sit back in the chair at my desk, watching as a very familiar face appears on the screen in front of me in a simple black shirt and bright yellow trousers, they'd match my car I think stupidly, grinning as the man on the screen starts to sing. 

“Sweet creature  
Had another talk about where it's going wrong  
But we're still young  
We don't know where we're going  
But we know where we belong

And oh we started  
Two hearts in one home  
It's hard when we argue  
We're both stubborn  
I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature  
Wherever I go, you bring me home  
Sweet creature, sweet creature  
When I run out of road, you bring me home

Sweet creature  
We're running through the garden  
Oh, where nothing bothered us  
But we're still young  
I always think about you and how we don't speak enough

And oh we started  
Two hearts in one home  
I know, it's hard when we argue  
We're both stubborn  
I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature  
Wherever I go, you bring me home  
Sweet creature,… “

The buzzing of my phone vibrating against my bedsheets catches my attention and I make my way slowly back over to my bed, anticipating a response from Harry. As I pick up my phone I notice my hands are shaking, why am I so nervous? I've done things with this man that I never imagined I would do with anyone, like having sex up against the window in his bedroom in LA and getting on planes halfway across the world to watch him perform in Japan. Why am I so scared of a text message now that we've broken up? 

It only takes two messages for Harry to ask me the question I was dreading and hoping for in equal amounts, now that his words are shining back at me on the phone screen, I don't know what to say. He wants to see me when he gets home. Do I want to see him? Stupid question, of course, I do, my heart has been aching for him since the moment I left LA, let alone the pain I've felt over the last week whilst we've been broken up, but the logical part of my brain knows that it's going to take an awful lot more than a letter and some roses to make me feel like I can trust him again, I'm not even sure if I want to try to. With everything else going on with Michael at the moment, my whole world feels like such a complete mess. I'm not sure I can take the risk of letting Harry back into my life on top of everything else that I need to deal with. 

I've been thinking a lot about what I should do about Michael since Louis left this afternoon. I did as I was asked and called the police inspector to tell her what Louis had found in the exhaust pipe, she didn't think there would be any way to lead it back to Michael as any fingerprints he may have left would have been covered in dirt and grime from the exhaust, not to mention having mixed with Louis' when he removed it, but she's asked me to pop down to the station tomorrow morning and let them look over the car and take the sheet for testing anyways.

The more I think about it, the more I think that it might be time for me to move away from Michael, not away as in the next town over like I did last time, but really away. Maybe to the Isle of Wight where my family live. And if I do that, with Harry's schedule and his touring, we'd never get to see each other at all. It wouldn't be fair to either of us to get back together now just for me to move away and him to go back on tour in a couple of months... It also wouldn't be fair to Harry to drag him back into the horror that seems to be my little life. It was bad enough when Michael went to the papers.. but now that he is actively.. stalking me.. for want of a better phrase, it seems like an awful lot of drama and trouble that Harry just doesn't need in his life. 

And then there's Sarah, and Jeff, and this fake date, and the kiss. How can I just pretend that that didn't happen? How can I trust Harry when he says he won't lie to me again? Why wouldn't he? It didn't seem to be particularly hard for him to lie to me about this after all. And Jeff certainly isn't going anywhere, he's Harry's manager for god's sake. What's to say he won't continue to try and cause trouble between us?

I place my phone back on my bedside table without responding and return to my desk, casually opening a news app and scrolling through the headlines, letting out a breath I didn't realise I was holding when I reach the end of the page and none of the headlines are about Harry. Reaching for my inhaler I take a quick puff, my chest has been bothering me a fair bit today. Stress I assume and walking around in the snow in the middle of the night won't have helped. Hoping to prevent any further issues, I rummage through the medicine cabinet and find some steroid tablets to take. As much as I dislike taking these things, as they tend to leave me feeling bloated, tired and irritable, I know its the sensible thing to do when I'm still trying to get over the chest infection I caught when I got home from LA. 

As I reach the kitchen and pour a glass of water to take the tablets with, I hear another buzz emanating from my bedroom and realise that my phone is now ringing. I quickly gulp down the pills and rush back to my room just in time to grab my phone before it sends the call to the answering machine. 

“Hello,” I say breathlessly into the receiver, stupidly cursing myself for not even checking the caller ID before I answered. 

“Hey, Darling. It's Harry” drawls the familiar voice on the other end and my heart leaps at the sound of it. How can it be possible to miss someone's voice so much? 

“Hey. Sorry I was about to text you back..” I blurt out stupidly, knowing I had in fact still not reached a decision on whether to agree to meet him and hadn't been just about to text him back at all. 

“That's ok. It's so good to hear your voice” Harry says, his deep voice catching mid-sentence “I missed you so much” 

“I missed you too” I admit sheepishly, knowing deep down that I probably shouldn't be telling him this, but I can't help it, all the stress from the past couple of days seems to bubble to the surface and I can't control the tears that start to fall softly down my cheeks. 

“Baby what's wrong?” Harry says as I try and cover up a sniffle “Are you crying?” 

“No,” I say, my voice thick with tears, betraying my lie. 

“Please let me see you tomorrow. You've been through so much.. just let me be your friend, please Katie” He begs and without really thinking, without even registering what I am saying through my tears I hear myself croak back 

“OK” 

“OK? Really? Thank you!” Harry exclaims, his voice a hundred times brighter than it was just a moment ago I can almost hear him smiling and picture his dimples popping in his cheeks. “I can send Toby to come pick you up,” He says quickly. 

“I have to go to the police station tomorrow. So maybe it'd be best if I just drove on to yours from there?” I say in a small voice, clearing my throat too loudly in his ear and excusing myself. 

“Oh right, OK, well are you sure you're ok to drive to mine?” He asks making me smile, what is it with this boy being insistent that I and my car can't manage the hour-ish drive to London, I managed it last time, I think to myself indignantly. 

“Yes, I am sure. What time?” I ask 

“Say about 4 pm? I should be back by then. If I'm going to be any later though I'll let you know, is that alright?” Harry says cautiously as if he expects me to change my mind 

“OK” I repeat again unable to be more eloquent in this moment whilst my head and my heart fight with each other over which one of them should get to make this decision. My heart is all for a trip to Harry's desperately wanting me to throw myself in to his arms and let him kiss away all the events of the past week, but my head is crying out to me to be sensible, to not give him false hope, to be more careful and to protect myself from this man who's already hurt me more deeply than I realised I could be hurt. 

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Harry says loudly into my ear, clearly excited that I have agreed to his plan, although god knows why. I'm just me. No one should be that excited to see me, but especially not Harry Styles. 

“See you tomorrow Harry,” I say softly, wanting to get off the phone before this gets any more awkward. 

“I can't wait” comes his response before I end the call.


	62. Chapter 62

Katies perspective

As I turn down the long road that will eventually lead me to the stark black gates fronting Harry's London home, the butterflies in my stomach start to whirl in earnest. It's already been a long morning, my trip to the police station turned up no usable prints on the car, as expected. They have taken the sheet to test and insisted that I spend over an hour retelling the story of what Louis and I found when we returned to the car and giving a statement. Continually having to rehash the events of that night is doing nothing for my stress levels and I felt utterly drained before I even started the journey to Harry's. A part of me was tempted to cancel, but I know I will regret it if I don't hear him out and at the very least, say a proper goodbye to him so here I am, winding my way through the Hampstead traffic. 

Harry's perspective 

No, not that shirt. She likes it when I wear button downs... I think to myself as I rummage through my wardrobe for something decent to wear. Why do all my shirts have to have stupid prints on them? I curse, throwing ones covered in hearts or florals into an ever-growing pile at the foot of my bed, today is not the day for prints. I check my phone again, 3:55 pm. She should be arriving any time now... I spent a large part of the plane journey home worrying that as soon as I turned my phone back on I'd have a text from her saying she'd changed her mind, but thankfully, so far so good. I just hope she listens to me... I hope I can convince her. Finally, I locate a light blue short sleeved shirt from amongst the carnage and pull it over my shoulders, scrambling to do up the buttons just as I hear the familiar sound of the outer gates opening. She's here. 

Katie's perspective. 

As Toby opens the large black gates to allow me to drive through and on to Harry's drive, I push the long tangles of hair away from my forehead nervously, my hands are slick with sweat. Why am I so nervous? Turning off the ignition I reach down and smooth out the black jeans I opted to wear and straighten my baby blue hoodie around my neck. Why did I wear a hoodie? Because you wanted to be casual I remind myself as I wrap my hand through the straps of my handbag on the passenger seat and pull it to my side. 

Looking up, I see Harry rushing to approach my door, one hand raised to ask me to wait for him to open it for me. Ever the gentleman I think to myself as I take in his appearance. He's wearing a light blue button-down shirt, either I've interrupted him getting ready or he's only buttoned the lowest three buttons purposefully. The large butterfly tattoo that adorns his midsection peaks through the fabric, his exposed chest contrasting against the black fabric of his tight skinny jeans. I can't help the small sigh that escapes my throat at the sight of him. He is perfect, as always. His beautiful dark hair, which is beginning to curl slightly as it grows, is pushed back from his forehead haphazardly and sticking up in random spots, and it does nothing but make him look all the more attractive. As he approaches the car, a hand reaching out in preparation towards my door handle, I can't help but notice the slight purple smudges under his eyes. He's tired. I guess its been a long week for both of us. 

“Hey,” He says quietly, a small smile which doesn't quite reach his eyes, forming on his lips as he pulls open the car door and reaches a hand around to help me out 

“Hey, thank you” I reply my gaze fixed on the ground, unable to meet those startlingly green eyes of his that I know will undo any willpower I am managing to retain the moment I allow myself to look into them. 

For once, Harry doesn't comment on my downturned gaze as I straighten up beside him and swing the car door closed behind me. Without a word, he turns and reaches into the back seat and pulls my ever present black backpack, containing my nebuliser, off of the seat and wraps the handle around his long fingers and I am reminded how well he knows me. 

“After you” He gestures towards the front door and I slowly start to make my way forwards, my boots crunching on the gravel with every step. He's so quiet.. it's not like him. Maybe he's nervous too? 

Harry's perspective

Why didn't I think this through more, the cupboards are empty where I've been away for so long and I can barely offer Katie more than a glass of water as we enter my kitchen. She accepts with nothing more than a small nod and slides herself on to one of the tall black bar stools by the kitchen island. She looks amazing. In a baby blue hoody and black jeans and I can't help but let out a small chuckle as I look her over 

“We match,” I say by way of explanation at her quizzical look, and she glances down at her small frame in confusion before a small, perfect smile forms across her lips, god I want to kiss those lips. Dammit, Styles. Don't push the girl. Just be glad she agreed to come here at all. 

“I guess we do” She agrees and takes a small sip of the water I've handed her, her tongue flicks out momentarily to catch a drop that has escaped her mouth and I feel a twinge in my trousers at the sight of it. The things this woman does to me... 

Pulling myself together I lean across the bar towards her, trying not to be offended when she, in turn, leans back in her chair as if to create more distance between us in the small space. 

“Erm, I thought we might go for a walk?” I suggest “It, er, might be easier to talk out in the open, neutral ground and all that?” I say weakly. This seemed like such a great idea when I stepped off the plane into the light raindrops falling from the London skies, to take her back to the bench on the Heath, where she first opened up to me. 

“Sure” she answers quietly, absent-mindedly running her hand over her wrist, and I notice that she's not wearing her bracelet. Her hand is clearly searching for the small rose charm that normally hangs there, that she always fiddles with when she's nervous or upset, but they're coming up empty. 

“You're not wearing your bracelet?” I ask her glancing pointedly at her wrist. Looking surprised by her own actions she pulls her hand away quickly and runs it through her long dark tresses. 

“No, I took it off when we... I didn't feel right to keep wearing it. If you want, I can return it to you? I didn't think to bring it with me, that was stupid I'm sorry. But I can post it maybe? Or maybe Toby could....” 

I cut off her embarrassed stuttering, horrified by her suggestion 

“Katie no! That was a gift! Whether we're together or not... Baby... I bought that for you. I want you to have it” I tell her, in a couple of strides I step around the island until I am stood by her side, gazing down at the top of her head as she resolutely stares down at the floor. Dammit, Katie look at me. 

“Okay.. sorry” Issues a small voice that is barely audible at the angle she's facing. 

“My floor accepts your apology” I tease, trying to lighten the mood. I hate how uncomfortable this is for her. She used to be so at home here, I picture in my mind's eye, images of Katie dancing around my kitchen in one of my shirts on so many mornings after she's stayed here, rummaging through the cupboards, searching for the equipment and ingredients to make pancakes and feel a smile pushing at the corners of my mouth at the memory.

“A walk would be nice Harry,” she says, this time speaking to the kitchen island as she raises her head ever so slightly. Baby-steps, I remind myself and force my hands through my hair in an effort to resist reaching under her chin to bring her eyes level to mine. 

Katie's perspective. 

The cool rain begins to fall the moment we reach the heath, we didn't bring an umbrella I realise as small drops patter against the exposed skin on the backs of my hands, tickling me slightly. I force them into the small pockets of the black jacket that I am glad I thought to throw in the back of my car as we walk across the springy grass, through the trees, towards the large hill that overlooks the London skyline. 

Harry walks quietly by my side, not offering much in the way of conversation as he bows his head against the rain, a woollen green beanie hat pulled down low above his eyes in an attempt to conceal his identity from anyone we may run in to, but the heath is mercifully empty, the rain and cold weather keeping most people at home on this dreary Sunday afternoon and I'm grateful. The last thing I can cope with today is a run in with any of Harry's legions of fans. As much as he loves them, and I love them in turn for their unwavering support of him, today is not the day for selfies. 

I feel Harry's hand lightly brush against the small of my back as he directs me over to a sheltered bench and can't help the small gasp that escapes my lips at his feather-light touch. I've missed it so very much. My whole body is aching to lean into him and wrap my arms around his broad muscular shoulders, to press my lips against his plump, ever ready pink ones. Blushing at my wayward thoughts, I settle myself on the bench and feel it depress slightly as Harry joins me. As I stare out over the high rises in the distance, I can feel his eyes on me, taking me in. 

“Harry I...” I say at the exact same moment that he begins “Katie we..” and we both break off with a small chuckle. 

“Ladies first,” Harry says 

“No, no, what were you going to say?” I fire back quickly. I am not sure I had a full sentence prepared when I started speaking, I just couldn't handle the absolute silence anymore, so I am more than happy to defer the starting of this conversation to him. 

“OK,” He says and I hear him inhale deeply and see his frame rise in my peripheral vision as he squares his shoulders

“Katie, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, and you have to know, there is NOTHING between Sarah and I. The minute you saw.. I mean after.. argh” He breaks off clearly flustered and unsure how to continue. 

Slowly, taking every moment that I can to prepare myself for the onslaught of feelings that I know are about to flood through me. I turn towards him and raise my eyes, little by little, until they are finally resting on his handsome face which, typically, is now facing down towards his own lap. 

“Harry” I whisper softly, getting his attention, and he raises his eyes to meet mine. 

“There they are,” He says, exhaling a long-held breath, his whole body seeming to relax slightly as the air whooshes past his lips. “God I've missed those eyes” 

Blushing, I allow a small smile to raise the corners of my mouth, hoping he takes this as a sign to continue, and wait patiently. 

“I told Jeff I wouldn't see her again, and I haven't, I swear. I have zero interest in spending any time with that woman. I never did, but after what happened.. I'm so sorry Katie. Truly” 

His green eyes are sparkling in earnest at me now, staring deep down into my own, willing me to understand, to forgive him. It's taking all of my strength to control my wayward body and not close the few inches between us, but as much as my heart is begging me to, I am just not sure that I can do this. Or that it's even the right thing to do. 

“I know you are Harry,” I tell him, returning my gaze to look back out over the skyline. “But, so much has happened, even in these past few days that we've been apart, and.. even if I could forgive what happened with you and Sarah... I just don't think it would be fair of me to drag you back into all of that. Especially when it would take some time for us to be able to get back to where we were, for me to be able to trust you again. I think maybe it would be better, for both of us if.. if we were just friends?” I ask quietly watching his face closely to judge his reaction. 

Harry's perspective

I feel my eyebrows shoot up in horror at her words at the same time as my feet push me up from the bench suddenly, making it shudder and move back from its position slightly. 

“What? No! Katie.. no!” I say in frustration, running my fingers over my hatted hair, resisting the temptation to pull on the escaped ends in an attempt to relieve some of the pain that is pounding through my heart. Friends? I don't want to be her friend. This beautiful, shy, endearing woman in front of me has no idea at all how completely and utterly she has stolen my heart. I can't watch her move on from me, date other men.. the thought alone makes me taste bile in the back of my throat. No. She's mine. 

“I know that I have treated you appallingly and that you have been to hell and back over the past few days, I should have been there for you, and I promise you, if you'll let me, I'll spend every moment trying to make that up to you. I won't ever let him near you again Katie, I swear it. But I .. I .. I can't just be your friend. I can't walk through life with you and just be on the outskirts..” I stop pacing and realise Katie has risen from the bench and is standing in front of me, the rain is getting heavier now and I can feel my beanie soaking up the large droplets that are pelting down from the skies, but I don't care, I have to make her understand. 

“I can't bear being this close to you and not being able to touch you” I say quietly, taking a step towards her and reaching out slowly, giving her every chance to bat my outstretched hand away, but to my amazement, she doesn't, she allows me to free one of her tiny hands from her pocket and take it in my own as I continue “Every bone in my body wants nothing more than to wrap you in my arms, to protect you, keep you safe” I tell her as I run my thumb across the back of her hand in small circles. “It's taking all my willpower not to kiss you right here darling, I can't just be your friend. I love you. I love you from the bottom of my stupid, selfish, narcissistic heart. And I swear to you, if you let me, I'll prove it to you” 

Her eyes raise slowly to meet mine and I search them frantically for anything, any sign, any clue that maybe she might forgive me, that she might be able to find it in her heart to let me back into her life. If she does then that'll be it for me. No more stupid games set up to appease the press, no more flirting, no more stories in the papers. It'll just be me and her. Please, Katie, please let me in, I beg her internally, the words never leaving my lips, but my eyes hopefully portraying all I want to say. 

Feeling the rain lash against my exposed cheeks, I try one last thing, the only thing I can think of that could possibly make her remember how good we are together, how much we need each other. The one thing I've been dying to do since the moment she stepped out of her car, even if she pushes me away... at least I'll get to feel the fire that courses through my veins one last time.   
I close the small space between us with a single stride and grab her face in my hands, bending my knees to lower myself until our faces are level and push my lips against hers. 

Katie's perspective. 

I am completely startled by his kiss, it was the last thing I was expecting him to do at that moment, my mind was busy trying to digest the sweet words he had said with a slight tremble in his voice as it cracked and caught as the words came tumbling out, words I don't think he even realised he needed to say until he was midway through them. But the moment his lips press against my own, a soaring fire ignites deep in my stomach and I am powerless against him. My mouth opens with a small sigh as my hands find there way around his neck and I feel his hands slide from my cheeks and wrap around my back, lifting my feet from the floor as he pulls me closer to him, every inch of our bodies pressed together. 

As his tongue slowly slips between my parted lips, I can taste the rain that I had forgotten was falling on us, mingling with our saliva and deepening what is, without a doubt, the most passionate kiss I have ever experienced. I can't control my body as my back arches in to him, pressing my breasts against his firm chest, my hands slip under his beanie and it falls to the floor as my fingers tangle in his hair and pull lightly, his fingers are splayed across the small of my back, their pads digging in to me through my coat, through my hoody, leaving tiny pricks of fire in their wake. My body comes alive and by the time our kiss finally falls apart I know, I cannot live another moment without this man in my life. 

“I love you Katie” Harry pants through short, fast breaths, his forehead pressed against my own “I love you so much” he repeats as his eyes flutter open and stare back into mine and I know I am ready. Quietly, staring back into his apple green eyes which are glistening with desire and apprehension I whisper

“I love you too Harry” for the very first time. 

I am rewarded by a huge grin that makes both of his dimples pop as he picks me back up and swings me around in a circle in the middle of Hampstead Heath, his head thrown back in delight, I watch as large raindrops that he doesn't even seem to notice hit his stunningly beautiful skin before he finally sets me back on my feet. 

Placing large strong hands on each side of my face, he gazes down at me in amazement, as if he can't believe what I have told him. His inner child shines through as he asks me 

“Really? You love me? Really?” 

“Yes, Harry” I giggle, watching the rain fall off the end of his nose “I love you. Really really”


	63. Chapter 63

“Hmm, Time to get you home and out of those wet clothes,” Harry says without a trace of his usual cheekiness as he looks down at my sodden jeans.  
   
“Harry, we JUST got back together.. don't you think you should maybe wait longer than five minutes before you start trying to undress me?” I ask him, looking up at him from under my eyelashes, the smile that breaks through his features startles me in its earnestness as he slides his hand into mine, entwining our fingers and slides it into one of his own pockets  
   
“I see you've not lost your dirty mind whilst I've been away” He teases me “But, I think you'll find that I was simply trying to be a gentleman, don't want you getting sick” 

He says with a smile as we start to walk back in the direction of his house. The rain is lessening now which I am grateful for, as much as kissing Harry in the rain is going to go down on my list of top ten moments, he's right, I really should be looking after my health better.  
   
“In all seriousness, I may have to borrow some of your clothes when we get back,” I tell him, reaching my free hand into my handbag and pulling out my inhaler to settle the wheeze that accompanies my words. Harry's brow furrows as he watches me take a puff.  
   
“Of course baby, whatever you need”  
   
As the road comes back into view and Harry leads me across the sodden grass I can't help but lazily run my thumb across the hard rings on his fingers encircling my hand in his pocket. It can't be normal to have missed someone's hands so very much. From just this simple, innocent connection, my body is on fire, the warmth from his hand radiating up through my fingers, my wrist, my arm, and sliding its way down into my heart. I've never really been on for public displays of affection, and god knows, kissing one of the most famous men on the planet in the middle of a park isn't the most sensible thing in the world to do, but the taste of his lips still lingers on mine from our earlier kiss and I can't seem to help myself as my feet stop moving forward and Harry jerks back in surprise at the resistance from my hand.  
   
“Are you ok?” He asks me, his brow creasing with curiosity as he looks down at me with hooded eyes. I nod shyly, tugging slightly on his hand and forcing him to take a step back towards me until there are just centimetres between us.  
   
“Kiss me Harry” I whisper quietly reaching my free hand up to the nape of his neck to gently bring his face down to mine. A brief look of shock sweeps across his chiselled features but is replaced almost instantly by one of desire as his eyes dilate and he slowly wets his lips with the   
tip of his pink tongue. The distance between up disappears in a rush as we meet in a hard, breathless kiss.  
   
Harry's hand slides around my waist, lifting me to the tips of my toes, making the length of our bodies press tightly together. The ache for him grows almost painful with every passing second and I wrap my fingers in his coat as I battle with the desire to pull him down to the grass right here, right now. Not practical Katie, I think, as I force myself to tear my lips from his, a slight groan escapes his mouth at the sudden loss.  
   
“We need to get home,” I say breathlessly, feeling his own need to do so dig into my hip, I tighten my grip on the fabric I still cling to and sigh. “Now…” I quickly give him a chaste kiss and pull away but his lips chase the air after me, his eyes closed and brow furrowed with need.   
   
When he finally opens his eyes to mine, his pupils are dark and dilated with pleasure, he unravels my fingers from his clothes, kissing the backs of my knuckles of each of my hands as he does so before he begins tugging me gently along the short walk back to his house.

As we finally approach the house and slide in through a side door by the gate, Harry pulls me close in to his side and nuzzles his head in my hair as we walk, almost making me lose my balance, I shove a hand into the back pocket of his jeans to steady myself and squeeze gently making him raise an eyebrow at me as he fumbles for his keys in his side pocket.  
   
We barely make it through the door before his lips are on mine again, kissing me so passionately that I start to forget how to breathe as all thoughts are pushed from my mind except for the pure desire to have this man inside of me. I feel my insides clench at the mere thought of his intrusion and have to squeeze my thighs together in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure. Fumbling I reach for the button on his skinny jeans only to find my path blocked by his large winter coat.  
   
Pouting against Harry's full lips I hear myself make a sound like a petulant child and reach up to start unbuttoning it coat as he pushes mine easily from my shoulders and grabs a handful of my breast, squeezing and kneading it skilfully. Finally removing his coat I sigh in frustration as I find myself facing yet more buttons.  
   
“Do you have any particular attachment to this shirt?” I ask him in what I hope is an innocent voice, not wanting him to guess my plan.  
   
“Erm, no, why?” he mumbles into my neck between licks and nips.  
   
Grasping a handful of fabric in each hand I ensure I get a good grip before I pull, hard, in opposing directions. Button's fly across the hallway hitting the wood flooring with a light pinging sound as they are pulled away from the light blue shirt. Harry raises his eyebrows at me in mock horror.  
   
“Impatient, are we?” He asks, flicking his tongue across my lip  
   
nodding furiously, I pull my own hoody above my head and add it to the ever-growing pile of clothes on the floor as we make our way down the hallway, never breaking contact from each other for longer than it takes to remove an item of clothing. Harry kicks off his shoes and hops 

 

slightly as he removes the long white socks that cover his feet as my hands make quick work of unzipping my boots.  
   
By the time we reach the living room, we are both left in nothing but our jeans and Harry makes short work of removing mine, I struggle more with the tight fabric which encases his thick muscular thighs. Does he spray these damn things on? I think to myself as I fight to get them past his knees. Sensing my impatience, Harry detaches his mouth from around my hardening nipple to help me but the jeans catch around one of his ankles and falls heavily back into the black leather sofa with a soft thud.  
   
Without a blink of hesitation, I climb on top of him, straddling him, the bones of his hips dig against my soft inner thighs as I wrap my legs around him tightly. The lace of my panties brush over him, just the layers of our underwear between us, but it is still far too much separating us in my opinion. 

Splaying my hands against his firm chest, I position my fingertips to touch the wing tip of each of the intricately etched swallows below his collarbone, feeling his chest rise and fall beneath me and the light dusting of his chest hair tickle my palms. I roll my hips again and watch as his pink lips part and eyes flutter closed in pure pleasure from me, me, not some leggy blonde model, just me. 

I curl my fingers as he lifts his pelvis off the sofa beneath him to push against me. My nails leaving tiny crescents on his skin in their wake. I gently score them down his chest, teasing the happy trail of hair I reach his waistband and kneel up to free him. Swallowing hard, never tiring of the sight as I watch his erection spring free. 

Slowly teasing him, I take him in my hand and being long languid strokes.. up and down.. up and down, watching his face as he pulls his bottom lip firmly between his teeth and lets out a small gasp 

“Faster baby” He moans through his gritted teeth, pushing his hips up to meet my hand with each stroke 

My mind and body begin their usual argument, each trying to gain control, my mind warning me to enjoy every single moment of this perfect man staring up from beneath my thighs.. whilst my body squirms impatiently, wanting nothing more than to feel him, I decide to listen to his command and pump my hand faster

“Put your hands on me Harry” I whisper as I start to move my hand faster, reaching my free hand beneath him to slowly stroke the fine hair covering his stones I feel him shudder beneath me as my fingers graze over the sensitive skin. 

Harry's perspective

At her words I feel my cock twitch in anticipation and waste no time sitting up underneath her squirming hips in order to thrust my tongue back into her mouth, I need to taste her, I want to taste every inch of her. Without warning I wrap my hand around her tiny waist and throw us violently over on the sofa, reversing our positions so I am now holding myself above her delicate frame, her hand stays clamped firmly around my length as if she can't bear to lose the connection for even a moment and I groan quietly at the more forceful tugging that our momentum creates as I bury my head in her pert breasts and begin to nip and suck on the tender pink flesh, watching the blood rise to the surface before falling back, returning them to their natural colour. 

“You. Are. So. Beautiful” I call out to her between kisses, revelling in the way her hot breaths feel against the top of my bowed head. 

I feel her hand finally relinquish its grip on me, stripping me of what little relief her stroking was giving from the pressure building in my ever hardening shaft. God what this woman makes me feel... Her hands are on my cheeks, pulling me up to her level, wanting to feel my lips again. Our eyes meet as she purrs “So are you” before our lips clash together and our tongues entwine once again. 

Sliding my hand down her side I feel for the lace fabric of her panties, desperately wanting to feel that skin on skin contact but I there's no way I can remove them without breaking our kiss.. our indescribably warm, wet, sensuous kiss... Fuck it. Taking a leaf from her book, and hoping she doesn't have any particular fondness for her current underwear, I forcefully I plunge my thumb through the delicate fabric and make light work of shredding them until I can feel the soft skin of her most intimate area brush against my length, I can barely hold myself together and finally force myself to pull away from our kiss, gliding my tongue down the centre of her chest and leaving a glistening line in my wake. My mouth finally reaches its target and I slowly run my tongue through her blushing pink folds, rejoicing in her sweet taste. 

“You're so ready for me baby, as always” I murmur against her skin as I gently slide two fingers inside of her ready wetness, giving her no time to adjust to the new sensation before curling them against her walls, finding the most sensitive spot that I know will help her reach our goal. I sneak a glance upwards at her beautiful face and place my own hand around my painfully hard length, desperate for relief. Her exquisite chest rises and falls as her breaths come faster and faster, my name slips almost inaudibly from her lips as she climbs towards her high. 

Katie's perspective. 

“Harry” I moan quietly as his fingers swirl around inside of me, driving me wild, desperate for more contact I reach down and thrust my fingers into his hair, positioning his head back down over my aching bud of nerves and grinding my hips against his stubble almost painfully as my orgasm builds. I feel myself tightening around him and realise that the strangled noise filling my ears is emitting from my own mouth as I reach my climax and detonate heavily around him. Unable to think, unable to breath as his skilled tongue continues to swirl around me. 

I barely have time to try and regain my wits before I hear the ripping of a condom packet and Harry's slight groan as he eases the latex over his length, I open my eyes just in time to meet him as he slides himself inside me, filling me utterly, our bodies fitting together as if they are two pieces of the same puzzle. 

Faster and faster he thrusts himself deep into me, covering my face and neck with kisses as he grunts in pleasure and I can feel myself building once more as my nails scratch down his back, clinging on to him with every ounce of strength I have, unable to bear even a millimetres space between our writhing bodies. 

“I need to see those eyes” He groans and I snap them open and am greeted with his stunning emerald green ones staring back at me, our noses brushing together as he continues to grind his hips against mine, I am barely holding myself together when the only words I that could possibly make this moment better slip from his swollen lips 

“I love you, Katie” 

“I love you, Harry” 

As the last words leave my mouth I feel my insides explode for the second time and I can't manage to keep my eyes open any longer, I scream Harry's name loudly in to the air and feel him shudder against me, his whole body tightening abruptly as he finds his own release and collapses, spent, in to my waiting arms.


	64. Chapter 64

Katie's perspective

Later, laying in Harry's s queen size bed, my head resting on his sculptured torso, I feel calmer than I have done since I left LA, despite the frantic beat of my heart trying to come down from our latest round of lovemaking and another earth shattering orgasm. Since we returned from the Heath, we've only left the bed for long enough to use the bathroom or grab a glass of water, and that's just fine with me. After denying myself his touch for so long, the only place I want to be right now is here in Harry's arms. 

“Would you like to go out for dinner? Or stay in?” Harry's voice interrupts my thoughts, he's still slightly out of breath and his voice sounds deeper and more intense than usual as he rides the wave down from his own high. 

“Stay in I think please if that's ok with you?” I ask moving my head to gaze up at him and being struck once again by the sharp outline of his jaw, the cherry pink, slightly swollen lips and apple green eyes that I have come to love so much in such a short space of time. 

“Sounds perfect to me. Pizza?” Harry drawls lazily, running his fingers through my mass of tangled hair. 

“Hmm yummy” I say in earnest as I realise I've not eaten since sometime last night, I really must stop missing meals I think to myself idly as I run a hand across my belly and feel it twinge with hunger, especially if I'm going to have enough energy to keep up with my insatiable boyfriend. Just thinking that word in relation to Harry causes a smile to stretch across my face and a small giggle to escape my throat. 

“What's so funny about pizza?” Harry asks, manoeuvring himself so that he can look into my eyes

“Nothing” I say quickly “I was just thinking how the word 'boyfriend' doesn't quite make sense as a title for someone as amazing as you” I admit, feeling myself turn a bright shade of red in embarrassment “God I'm sorry, I really need to work on my brain to mouth filter. I blame you, you befuddle me with all this canoodling” I say tucking my head in to his armpit to hide my face from him. 

Laughing loudly, Harry struggles to extricate me from my little ball at his side and pulls me upright to look at him. “Canoodling?” 

“Yes canoodling. It's a perfectly good word!” I say defensively.

“Canoodle and Befuddle huh? Seems your vocabulary is on top form, maybe I didn't do as good a job as your trying to make out” He chuckles, his eyes sparkling/ After a few moments silence he adds“I know exactly what you mean love, 'girlfriend' doesn't seem a good enough word to describe you either,” sincerely, there is no trace of humour in his eyes anymore as he runs a finger softly across my bottom lip, causing my mouth to fall open slightly. God, will I never feel sated again? My desire for this man seems never ending!

“I need to shower!” I say quickly and hop off the bed, dragging the sheet with me to cover my nakedness and leaving Harry completely exposed, lying on his back in the center on the vast bed. 

“Can I come?” He asks, propping himself up on his elbows and looking as relaxed as he would, sat on the sofa watching TV, despite being completely naked and on display. Forcing my eyes to stay on his face and not stray down his perfect body and get distracted again, I finally find my voice and manage to answer him. 

“No, no no! You can go and order my Pizza thanks Styles, we both know if you follow me in that shower... Dirty things will happen. And showers are for getting clean in” I stammer flustered 

“Haha!” Harry laughs loudly “I thought you liked getting dirty with me baby? Have you had enough befuddlement for one day?” He asks, pushing himself to his knees on the edge of the bed and reaching out to me with both hands. As I step back in an attempt to avoid his touch, he grabs hold of the sheet and it falls from my grip, leaving me stark naked in front of him. Hastily I try to cover myself with my arms as I feel the heat rising back into my cheeks again

“HARRY!” I screech and before he can try and detain me further, I turn and run into the en-suite bathroom and lock the door behind me, watching the handle rattle as he tries in vain to open it from the other side a few seconds later. 

“No fair!” He shouts loudly through the closed wood and I stifle another giggle as I turn the shower on and step under the warm stream of water. 

An hour later Harry and I are settled on the sofa about to tuck in to our pizza and watch a movie, as he fiddles with the remote control, skipping from channel to channel trying to find something to watch, I rummage through my handbag for my medication and begin my routine of lining up the collection of pills I need to consume with my meal. 

“Wow, that's a lot of tablets,” Harry says as he sets the remote on the table having settled on a music channel being unable to find a movie. The sounds of Bruno Mars fill the room as the video for Uptown Funk pops up on the screen before us and I absent-mindedly find myself singing along without thinking 

“This hit, that ice cold  
Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold  
This one for them hood girls  
Them good girls straight masterpieces  
Stylin', wilin', livin' it up in the city  
Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent  
Got kiss myself, I'm so pretty”

“Sorry” I mumble quietly when I catch Harry looking at me, his mouth twitching in amusement. 

“Don't stop on my account, if I were as pretty as you, I don't think I'd be able to stop kissing myself either” He teases me, wiggling his eyebrows up and down and swiftly placing a soft kiss against my lips, I let out a small giggle. “What are they all for? Asthma?” he asks, suddenly serious again, his mood swings are going to give me whiplash. 

“Yeah... it's not been all that good since I got back from LA. I got a chest infection.. and, well, stress doesn't really help my health.” I admit shyly as I line up the last of the 11 tablets in a neat little row next to my glass of coke. “So, lots of pills for me at the moment. I swear if you shake me hard enough, you'll hear them rattling around inside” I joke, trying to lighten the mood again as I catch sight of the look on his face. His eyebrows are puckered together in a frown, causing small creases to appear between them and his nose to wrinkle slightly. 

“I'm sorry that I've added to that. And that I haven't been here to help you with.. well everything,” He says quietly idly picking at the toppings on his pizza slice. 

“Don't be. You're here now, that's what matters” I tell him and plant a kiss on the end of his scrunched up nose, making him squirm “Now eat your pizza.” I order him, slyly popping the first of my tablets into my mouth whilst he's distracted taking an enormous bite, before each mouthful he sticks out his tongue endearingly, reminding me of how my nieces and nephews eat. 

I finally take the last of my tablets and have one final bite of pizza before throwing the crust into the now empty box and flopping back on the sofa heavily with my hand over my stomach. 

“Had enough?” Harry asks as he stands and starts to clear up. 

“If I eat any more I WILL throw up,” I say melodramatically to his back as he carries the boxes out to the kitchen. 

When he returns I am busy repacking the few belongings I have with me back into my oversized handbag, my car keys already in my hand. 

“Going somewhere?” Harry asks glancing at the keys to my eyes pointedly with a nod

“I need to get back, it's late and I've got work tomorrow,” I tell him as I pull on my trusty boots, “I still really do need to replace these,” I say more to myself than him as I run my finger over the scratched leather. 

“Stay with me, please?” He says quietly, and when I glance up I see that he is staring back at me, pleading at me with his deep set, oval eyes.

“I can't Harry, I've missed so much time at work already, Mark's already pissed at me” 

“I'll make sure you get there on time, I promise, just... please don't leave me tonight. I haven't slept properly since you left me” He admits as I stand up and pull my bag on to my shoulder. Glancing up at him I can see the purple shadows under his eyes that I noticed this morning when I first arrived and its clear that he really hasn't been sleeping, I can't bear to say no to him 

“Ok,” I say quietly and wrap my arms around his waist, tucking my head under his chin “But I really have got to be at work by midday.” 

“OK, well if we're going to get you there on time, I should get you to bed!” He says and in one swift movement he throws me over his shoulder and carries me off to his room, with me squealing like a cat that's just been trodden on the whole way. 

“Katie? Katie!” I am aware of him calling me, but my eyes refuse to open, they feel heavy as lead, in my dream, I am back in the hospital, desperately trying to catch my breath...

“Shit, Katie WAKE UP” Harry's voice is frantic now, pulling me from my dream, my eyes snap open and look around in horror trying to work out what's wrong, what has him so worked up? The answer comes in the form of a deep wheeze emitting from my throat as I try to ask him. Shit indeed. 

“Neb..u..li..” I stutter out, struggling to pull myself in to a sitting position, but I can't manage to finish and I realise I am gasping, it wasn't just a dream. Harry is up and half way to the door before I have gotten more than the first syllable out anyways. I've slept through minor asthma attacks before, thinking they are just part of my dreams, but this one is more intense than usual, I'm surprised it didn't wake me. Harry re-enters the room and drags the familiar blue machine from my backpack, hastily plugging it into a nearby wall socket and twisting the top off a vial of medication. When did he learn how to do that? I wonder idly, as he places the mask over my face and hits the power button. 

A steam of medicine hits my face and I try to steady my breathing. Closing my eyes and trying to picture something calming. I feel the bed dip next to me as Harry sits back down, his long cool fingers entwine with mine and I automatically reach out to try and fiddle with the rose ring he always wears in an attempt to distract myself from the panic I can feel rising within me, but it isn't there. 

“Hang on,” Harry says quickly and hops back up, rushing into the en suite and returning seconds later, shoving the large silver ring on to his finger. “Here you go baby,” He says, placing my hand back on his, my fingers stray to the ring and I find myself calming almost instantly. “Deep breaths,” Harry says and I watch him slowly, deliberately, pull in a long breath through his nose and expel it from his perfect lips. Mimicking him, I do the same, trying to ease my panic and allow the medication to do its job. 

“Sorry” I wheeze at him, and he shakes his head. 

“Sshh. Don't be, I've never been angry at you for waking me in the night” He says, raising his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. 

We sit in silence for a minute or two, me playing with his ring and trying to take deep steadying breaths, and him sitting wide-eyed next to me, clearly trying to stay in control of his emotions even though I'm sure he's scared, the beads of sweat glistening on his forehead in the dim lamplight of the room giving him away. Over the hum of the nebuliser, I suddenly hear another low, melodic sound, and look over to see Harry's lips moving almost imperceptibly 

“Are you singing?” I ask him through wheezes 

“Yeah, sorry. It helps me to stay calm” He admits bashfully, looking down at our entwined hands. 

“calms me too” I admit, and move closer to him on the oversized bed so that I can hear him. He raises his voice slightly and sings in his angelic voice 

“If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you  
I think I might give up everything, just ask me to  
Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down  
Right now I'm completely defenceless

For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart  
For when you're lonely and forget who you are  
I'm missing half of me when we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only

I've got scars even though they can't always be seen  
And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing  
Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down  
Right now I'm completely defenceless

For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart  
For when you're lonely and forget who you are  
I'm missing half of me when we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only

I can feel your heart inside of mine, I feel it, I feel it  
I've been going out of my mind, I feel it, I feel it  
Know that I'm just wasting time  
And I hope that you don't run from me”

Closing my eyes, I concentrate on every single word, trying to forget about everything else around me, I lay my head against his shoulder and try to time my breaths with his as the machine continues to whir around us. It's a beautiful song, a one direction one if I am remembering correctly, Mel has played this before, it's one of her favourites. As Harry reaches the final chorus, I finally feel my breathing start to ease but my heart constricts at his words

For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart  
For when you're lonely and forget who you are  
I'm missing half for me when we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart

For when you're lonely and forget who you are  
I'm missing half for me when we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only  
For your eyes only  
For your eyes only”

Even though I know this song was written some time ago, right now, at this moment, it feels as though he could have written it just for us. Didn't he already try and give up 'everything' well his Fleetwood mac show to be specific, to fly back and look after me after Michael screwed with my car until Louis convinced him not to? Hasn't he already asked me multiple times to stop trying to run from him? God knows I have scars, both mental and physical, but when he's by my side the pain is somehow lessened, I feel like myself with him. Not the broken mess I seem to be whenever we're apart. He is half of me, the part I have been missing for so long, and I am so grateful that he invited me here today and that we managed to straighten things out. A tear forms in the corner of my eye as he sings the final line and before I can brush it away, Harry's thumb catches it and wipes it gently from my cheek. 

The nebuliser whirs to a stop as I reach over and hit the power button, the medication has worked its way through the clouds of steam into my lungs, which are starting to relax now, allowing me to finally take stronger, deeper breaths. 

“Thank you,” I say hoarsely to Harry 

“Anytime, I've missed singing to you in the small hours of the morning” he replies, gently placing my nebuliser on the floor next to the bed and pulling me into his arms. “Do you feel better?” he asks, leaning his chin on the top of my head 

“Yes, thank you. When did you learn how to set up neb?” I ask him curiously, using my pet name for the dis-guarded machine on the floor as my eyes begin to droop closed. 

“I wanted to be prepared, so I googled what I should do if you had an attack, and how to work it” I feel his lips press into my hair as he lies back slightly, adjusting himself on the pillows. “Try and sleep baby” he whispers

“G'night” I mumble at the swallow inked on his chest that my head is resting on, my eyelids fluttering closed, “I love you” I hear him say softly before I drift back to sleep, warm and safe in his arms.


	65. Chapter 65

“Told you'd I'd get here on time! See, ten minutes to spare” Harry says proudly, gesturing to the clock on the dashboard of my bright yellow car, which he insisted on driving this morning when we realised we were running late, as he straightens the wheel and kills the ignition as we arrive in the parking lot of the pub. 

“I don't think you get to look so proud when you had to break practically every speed limit in the land to manage it” I tease him, pulling down the sun visor and quickly focusing on the small mirror as I swipe a thin strip of lip gloss across my lips before smacking them together. 

“Not every speed limit” Harry grumbles as I grab my handbag from the foot-well and sling it over my shoulder. “I'm going to miss you today, can't I hang around? I won't get in your way honest” 

“Hah! Yes, you will Harry, you are not capable of not distracting me” I laugh at him as I place my hand on the door handle. 

“Can I help it if you are easily distracted?” He retorts, placing a hand on my knee, stopping me from exiting the car. 

“Hmm, maybe if you worked on not looking quite so delicious 24/7, I wouldn't find you so irresistible” I tease him and he puffs his chest out like a peacock with pride. 

“Irresistible huh?” He says raising his eyebrows

“Oh as if you don't know that already. You're irresistible to half the women on the planet! I swear I could walk into the pub right now and find at least two or three women who'd give their right arms for a night with you, probably a couple of men too! And it's not even open yet!” 

“Well, they'd be disappointed. The only person I'm interested in spending the night with, male or female, is sitting next to me, but then... she's sending me away... so maybe I should come in and introduce myself to these willing suitors” He pouts, causing me to giggle again 

“Pouting now eh? Mature.” I tease “ Ahh there's your ride,” I say as I notice Toby pull into the parking lot in Harry's oversized black Range Rover, he parks a few spaces away, trying to give us some privacy to say goodbye I assume. 

I lean towards Harry to give him a quick kiss goodbye, but he grabs my face with both of his strong hands, pressing my lips firmly against his and running his tongue over the opening, begging for entry. Unable to resist, I part my lips slightly and taste the minty freshness of his as it dances with my own. 

When our kiss finally breaks apart, we are both panting with desire again, Harry's eyes are dark as he rests his forehead against mine. “Stay with me tonight?” He breathes softly, the warm air brushing past my nose. 

I don't even try and argue with him, I plan to spend every minute I can with him until he goes back on tour again, I shake my head slightly, breaking our connection, not wanting to think about how long he is going to be away for. 

“Ok. I'll be back probably around seven thirty? I'll have to stop off at home and grab some clothes first thought” I tell him. The five minutes he gave me to run in and get my uniform this morning really weren't long enough for me to do anything but scribble a quick note for Mel telling her where I was and grab my phone charger. 

“I suppose I'll just have to find some way to amuse myself all day,” Harry says, pouting yet again. 

“You'll live. Now if you don't want to end up inadvertently breaking your promise, let me go in to work” I say nodding towards the pub. 

Harry sighs but finally gives in and hops out of the car, striding around to my side with just a few steps on his long legs and holding my door open for me. 

“Have a great day at work dear!” He says in his poshest voice and pecks me lightly on the cheek

“Try not to get in too much trouble whilst I'm gone!” I say over my shoulder as I finally make my way in to work, ready to start my 6 hour shift and wishing, just for once, that Harry was just a normal boyfriend who could sit at the end of the bar and keep me company all day without our faces ending up being plastered all over twitter the minute someone recognises him. 

Harry's perspective. 

“Toby, can you drop me at Lou's?” 

“Of course Mr Styles” Toby's voice floats back to me from the front of the car. Generally, when I'm at home I don't like to be driven around, but Katie needed her car today, and I wasn't about to lose that extra hour with her on the journey to her work, so I asked Toby if he'd follow me and drive me back afterwards. I'd have insisted on driving back myself, but he's an even worse passenger than I am. I quickly tell him our destination and then pull my phone from my pocket to place a call. 

“Lou? Please tell me you're in London today?” I say quickly before my former stylist, and one of my closest friends, Lou Teasdale answers her phone. 

“Erm, Hello to you too Harry. Yes, I am in London.. why, what have you done this time?” She asks

“Nothing! Actually.. everything's well, perfect..” 

“High praise from you Styles! I take it you and Katie finally sorted yourselves out? I'm glad, I thought I was going to have to knock your heads together” she teases me

“Yes we have, she agreed to come and see me yesterday and, well, she loves me, Lou,” I say, feeling a huge, almost painful smile stretch across my face. 

“Aww well, it's about damn time she told you!” Lou squeals loudly causing me to pull the phone away from my ear slightly “That girl has been head over heels for you for weeks! So what do you need me for?” She asks

“Well, I wanted to get her something, and I need a woman's opinion... “ 

“Wow, did THE Harry Styles just admit he needs help with something? I'm shocked!” Lou says, each word laced with sarcasm. 

“Har Har. Very funny. Can you help me or not? Maybe I can take Luxy out for our date afterwards? As a thank you? I just need to be back home by 7” I tell her

“Ok, ok, I guess we can squeeze you into our busy schedule of Peppa Pig and Frozen. You gonna pick us up?” 

“Of course, I'll be there in about half hour” 

“Alright see you soon H,” Lou says and disconnects the call. 

That's part one of my plan going ahead with minimal issues then, I think to myself happily as I sit back and watch the fields surrounding the M25 shoot past the windows, twisting my phone in my hands. Unable to stop myself I place my thumb on the touchpad to unlock it and fire off a quick text to Katie. 

“I miss you already H x” 

Within moments a reply flashes up 

“I miss you too, Work's really busy. Will call later, stay out of trouble xx” 

Two hours later and Lou and I are sitting in the back of a small restaurant in Mayfair, we somehow managed to complete the shopping I wanted to do without being spotted by any fans, which is nothing short of a miracle in central London on a Monday afternoon, Lux is doing her very best to make sure we get spotted now though, she's busy throwing an almighty tantrum over the fact that her mother is insisting she eat her peas. As her screams reach fever pitch, I lean over and swipe a couple of peas from her plate and pop them into my mouth. Making exaggerated yummy noises as I swallow. 

“Ewww Uncle Hawwy!” Lux wails in disgust at me

“What? I love a pea! Honestly, find me a man that loves a pea more than I do” I tell her conspiratorially behind my hand.

“Really?” She asks me wide-eyed 

“Really really,” I say back, thinking I am making progress with her only to be scuppered by her reply 

“Well you eat them then,” She says and crosses her tiny arms across her chest. 

“So like your mother,” I say under my breath, shaking my head and noticing out of the corner of my eye that a small group of women, I'm guessing in their twenties, have noticed us from across the restaurant. Don't get me wrong, I love my fans with everything that I have. They are the best people in the world, their support is unwavering and without them, I'd be no-one, but there are times.. like today, where I would like to be able to enjoy a meal without having to stop and take a selfie. 

“Oh my god, you're Harry Styles!” A petite blonde says too loudly from behind Lou's shoulder, I can see four other women standing behind her looking excited “Can we get a picture with you? we love you so much!” She squeals and I nod and begin to stand up 

“Of course,” I say as I approach her

“Oh my god. Thank you! You're so nice!” she replies as I throw my right hand up in a peace sign and pose for the camera. 

 

“Could you... I mean, could I get your autograph too?” she asks as I take more pictures with each of her friends in turn. 

“Sure! What's your name?” I ask her as I take a napkin from her outstretched hand and quickly sign my name

“Sammy and this is Eileen, JJ, Nessa, and Rhonda,” She says quickly pointing to each of the other women “Your music Changed.My.Life” she adds as the others all nod their heads in agreement. 

“Oh yeah? What's your favourite song?” I ask as I pick up three more napkins from the table and start signing one for each of the girls, hoping I'm spelling their names correctly. 

“Sign of the times!” all four girls say loudly in unison making me smile.

“You girls coming to the tour?” I say, handing them their autographs

“YES!” They squeak, “We're all going to both your London shows!” The woman whose name I think was Rhonda says excitedly

“I'll look out for you” I tell her, knowing full well that in a crowd of 20,000+ there is little chance of me being able to pick them out, but I try and make every encounter with fans as special as I can, its important to me that they know how much I appreciate every single one of them. 

“Can I get a hug? Sorry... I'd kick myself later if I didn't ask” a small brunette with startling blue eyes asks me, JJ I think. 

“Sure!” I say throwing my arms wide and hugging each of the girls in turn. 

Satisfied with their chance meeting, the women thank me profusely before heading back to their table, shooting glances over at us occasionally for the rest of their meal. 

“Please Luxy, just have five little peas for mummy” Lou begs her daughter

“You aren't going to get anywhere, she's as stubborn as her mum,” I tell Lou as I raise a hand towards the waiter to indicate that we'd like the check. “Lux, if you eat just a couple of peas, I'll buy you an ice cream,” I say to her quietly whilst Lou searches around in her bag for something. Lux turns her adorable little face towards mine and counters

“With a flake?” she negotiates furrowing her tiny brow 

“Yes, with a flake. Come on, let's make mum smile before we send her home eh?” I beg, scooping a couple more peas up with my fingers and throwing them into the air before catching each one in my mouth. Lux claps happily and tries to copy me, resulting in peas flying everywhere, one managing to hit the startled waiter on the head as he returns with our check. 

“Sorry about the children,” Lou says as she hands the waiter a credit card. The poor waiter clearly doesn't know whether or not he's allowed to laugh, so he settles for placing her card in the terminal and handing it back to her to enter her pin. 

“I would have paid Lou” I admonish her a few minutes later as we head back out on to the street, it's getting busier now the schools are out, definitely time to get out of the streets, I think to myself as I pick Lux up and swing her on to my shoulders where she screams in delight, grabbing handfuls of my hair to steady herself. 

“You are going to pay in a whole different way, that little rascal is your problem for the rest of the afternoon!” Lou says with a grin “Bring her back by 5:30?” she asks me and I nod happily. 

“Give mama a kiss baby,” Lou says to Lux as I bend down so they can reach each other. “Love you,” Lou says as she plants a kiss on her daughter's cheek. “Bye, mama!” 

“Right, ice cream or park?” I ask Lux swinging her down from my shoulders and taking her tiny hand in mine as she skips along beside me. 

“Ice cream at the park!” She says with a wicked glint in her eye at her own cleverness. 

“So like your mum” I mutter again as we make our way to the local playground. I pull my hat lower down my face so it covers my eyebrows, and pull on some sunglasses. I'd rather not get recognised again today. 

Katie's perspective. 

5:35, thank god. I am so done with work today. It's been hellishly busy all day long for some unknown reason, a large group of businessman came in around 2pm and ordered practically everything on the lunch menu twice, and have kept me run off my feet all afternoon with their constant requests for pints, at this point they are all clearly rather drunk and I'm glad that they will very shortly be Ambers issue. 

I reach into my apron and pull my inhaler from the large pocket at the front, inhaling gratefully as I push down the plunger and the medication shoots to the back of my throat. The asthma attack last night clearly wasn't the end of my chest issues today, I've done nothing but wheeze since I woke up this morning. I tried my best to hide it from Harry, not wanting him to spend the day worrying or try and convince me to call in sick. I really cannot afford to keep taking time off, barmaids don't get sick pay, and my bank balance is looking quite sorry for itself after my recent trips abroad with Harry and the days I have had to take off sick. I need to put some serious hours in and replenish it a bit or this months rent is not getting paid. 

At 6 pm on the dot, Kristien, one of our long-time barmaids wanders in to relieve me, pulling her apron around her curved waist as she walks. After a quick hello, I waste no time in getting out of the pub, I've really had enough now, I just want to get back to Harry's and curl up on the sofa with a good book. I still need to stop off at home first I remind myself as I fling my handbag on to the passenger seat of my car and try and get my chair back in the correct position, Harry is much taller than me, with much longer legs, so he had to move everything in order to drive the car this morning and it takes me a few minutes to get everything back in to place before I can start the ten minute drive home. 

“Mel, you home?” I call as I walk in the front door, no answer. I wander into the kitchen and look for the note I left her earlier. 

“Stop letting your damn phone battery die woman! I've had enough of not being able to get a hold of you. Call me later. Love you xxx” she has scrawled on to the back of the note I left. 

I really must find some girl time to spend with Mel soon, I miss her, what with me being moody the last few days since I, stupidly, broke up with Harry, and all the time Mel's been spending with Ben, I feel like I've barely seen her for weeks. 

I quickly write “Love you more xxx” in big black letters over her note, obscuring her writing completely and secure it back to the fridge with a large meerkat magnet that I picked up at the zoo on a trip to my parents last summer. 

It doesn't take me long to throw a few t-shirts and a pair of jeans in to a bag to take over to Harry's I decide to wait and have a shower when I get there, telling myself that his shower is better than mine anyways, in an attempt to convince myself that I'm not just coming up with any excuse to get to him quicker. I kick off my uniform and pull on a pair of leggings and a long White T-shirt covered in butterflies which hangs just below my bum and replace my work shoes with my battered boots. Running a brush through my hair quickly, I grab up another box of tablets from my medication box, and throw in a few more vials for my nebuliser as well, just in case. 

As I make my way out to the car I quickly call Harry 

“Hey, baby! You on your way?” His low voice drawls down the phone

“Yep, just at mine now, about to get in the car, you sound tired, long day?” I ask him

“Yeah I met up with Lou and Lux and did some shopping, then Lux and I had a playdate, she's run me ragged!” Harry explains through a yawn

“Aww, poor Harry! I guess I best put you straight to bed when I get there huh?” I tease him

“Hmm, now that sounds like a wonderful idea. How about dinner though? I was going to cook for you?” 

“Pasta?” I ask him hopefully and am rewarded with a low chuckle 

“Sure baby, I'll have it ready. You'll be an hour or so?” He asks

“Traffic dependant, yep!” 

“I can't wait. Drive safe though” He instructs me seriously

“I will. See you soon!” I say happily and place my phone in its cradle tapping in the postcode for Harry's into the sat-nav before pulling out in the quiet road. I can't quite manage to wipe the goofy smile off of my face, even as I sit in the rush-hour traffic. I can't wait to see you either Harry, I think to myself.


	66. Chapter 66

Harry's perspective

“I hate it when dudes try to chase me  
But I love it when you try to save me  
'Cause I'm just a lady  
I love it when we play 1950  
It's so cold that your stares 'bout to kill me   
I'm surprised when you kiss me 

So tell me why my gods look like you  
And tell me why it's wrong 

So I'll wait for you, I'll pray  
I will keep on waiting for your love  
For you, I'll wait   
I will keep on waiting for ya” 

Standing in my kitchen chopping vegetables for the pasta dish I've promised to make Katie for dinner, I hum along to the track, bopping my head along to the melody of the mellow rock song that the guys over at my record label sent me earlier today, and I am surprised by how well it's written considering its a debut single. I must remember to tweet about this when it's released, with its laid-back feel, heartfelt lyrics and subtle guitar riffs, I'm sure it'll get overlooked by a lot of the mainstream audience without a lot of promo, maybe my fans might get behind it a bit.   
Throwing the last of the vegetables in to the now steaming pot of sauce on the hob, I glance over at the clock, Katie should be arriving in about 20 minutes, so I've got time to quickly jump in the shower good job too as I've just noticed a large splodge of tomato in the centre of my T-shirt. I reach behind my neck and grab the collar with one hand, pulling it over my head and throwing it in the general direction of the laundry as I head upstairs to the master bath and turn the shower on full, brushing my teeth as I wait for the water to heat up, I quickly check my appearance in the mirror and, as usual, I can't see whatever the hell it is that makes my fans follow me all over the world or a woman like Katie fall in love with me. Steam fills the room around me as I open the large glass door and step under the jets of hot water, leaning my head back, I let it pound against my chest for a few moments and relish in the peace and quiet before reaching for the shower gel. 

As much as I've enjoyed this bit of time off from being on the road and it's giving me the chance to recharge my batteries, not to mention spend time with Katie and catch up with family and friends, I'm starting to get that familiar itch to get back to work. Rehearsals for the arena shows aren't due to start for another few weeks though, maybe I'll see if Mitch and Adam fancy a day or two in the studio next week I muse as dry myself off with a large black towel. Heading in to my room, I pull on a pair of black Adidas tracksuit bottoms and a clean white T-shirt, I've got a few lyrics jotted down in my notepad that I'd like to work on a bit and see if they can't be transformed in to full songs, maybe for the next album. 

Twenty minutes later, I pull the chicken from the oven and shred it in to the sauce that's bubbling away nicely, then grab some fresh pasta from the fridge to boil in time for my girlfriends arrival, I don't know if I'll ever get used to calling her that, I can't understand how on earth I managed to convince someone as amazing as Katie to give me the time of day in the first place, let alone come back after my colossal mistake with Sarah, I feel my brow furrow at the reminder of that horrible date and run my fingers through my wet hair nervously, I still need to have a proper chat with Jeff about all that shit before I can completely put it behind me, I can't risk him trying to interfere again when Katie's only just agreed to come back to me. 

I already set the dining room table, which I rarely ever use, with the exception of a few meals with Katie the last few months, on my way home from dropping Lux back at Lou's this evening I purchased a single Green rose, not the easiest colour to find in January in London, but Roses have been an ongoing theme throughout mine and Katie's relationship and I decided on a whim that I wanted to continue it tonight. Green roses signify growth and the renewal of life, and god knows I feel like she's given me my life back by agreeing to return to it. I place the single rose in a champagne flute in the centre of the table with a dash of water, and light a scented candle before returning to the kitchen to dish up our dinner.

Katie's perspective

“Now I'm searching every lonely place  
Every corner calling out your name  
Tryna find you but I just don't know  
Where do broken hearts go?  
Where do broken hearts go?

Yeah, the a taste of your lips on the tip of my tongue  
Is at the top of the list of the things I want  
Mind is running in circles of you and me  
Anyone in between is the enemy  
Shadows come with the pain that you're running from  
Love was something you've never heard enough  
Yeah, it took me some time but I figured out  
How to fix up a heart that I let down

Now I'm searching every lonely place  
Every corner calling out your name  
Tryna find you but I just don't know  
Where do broken hearts go?

Are you sleeping, baby by yourself?  
Or are you giving it to someone else?  
Try to find you but I just don't know

Where do broken hearts go?  
Where do broken hearts go?” 

Cranking up the volume as loud as I can bear, I sing along at the top of my lungs with Harry and the rest of one direction as I zoom down the motorway towards his house, my throat constricts as I try and hit the high notes, but I push the pain away and lose myself in the sound of his intoxicating voice. I can't wait to see him, it can't be normal to feel this excited about spending time with someone, I wonder if this is how his fans feel when they are heading towards a meet and greet with him I muse as I hit the indicator and change in to the fast lane, pressing my foot down on the accelerator, my heart pounding at the thought that in just under an hour, I'll be back in his arms. Where I belong. 

After a couple more songs, I can feel my chest getting heavy so I reach my left hand blindly across the gear stick on to the passenger seat and thrust it in to my handbag, fingers writhing around trying to find my inhaler as another deep wheeze escapes my throat, OK, maybe I overdid it with the singing I realise, as my hand finally closes around the plastic tube in my bag. Quickly I hold it to my lips and push down the plunger, easing my foot off the accelerator to slow the car to a more manageable 'mid wheeze' speed, despite repeated doses, the inhaler does little to help, it feels like someone has dropped a boulder on my chest as I try to breathe as deeply as possible, my lungs barely expanding despite the amount of effort I am exerting, my body already getting tired. I slow the car down and move over to the left-hand lane. I'll just get off at the next exit and park up somewhere till I can catch my breath I think.

Pulling up on a quiet suburban street, rows of terraced houses stretch out before me on either side, as I thrust my inhaler back between my teeth, but as I push the plunger.. nothing happens, I shake it vigorously, hoping its just having a moment and push the plunger down again, still nothing. Dammit. It's run out!! Shit, whilst I was throwing various medicines in to my bag earlier, did I think to pack a spare? I wonder as I start to rifle through the bags that cover the back seat, throwing the contents of them all over the floor of the car as I start to panic. I don't even know where I am, somewhere in London I guess, but looking around me, nothing seems familiar, now is not the time to have an asthma attack I scold myself. 

The glove box! I always have a spare inhaler tucked away in there just in case. Fighting the urge to let my eyes droop closed, I grasp the handle and let the glove box fall open with a slight snap, I know it's here somewhere... AHA! I finally spot the blue cylinder hidden underneath piles of paper, insurance documents and the car manual and try and take a puff, laying back in my chair, I place my head against the headrest and try to relax, allowing my eyes to close and just trying to focus on the sound of Harry's voice emitting from the speakers as I suck air through my gritted teeth. 

“We're only getting older baby,   
and I been thinking about you lately  
does it every drive you crazy   
just how fast the night changes?   
Everything that you've ever dreamed of  
Disappearing when you wake up  
But there's nothing to be afraid of  
Even when the night changes, it will never change, me and you.”

Harry's perspective 

I guess the traffic isn't so great after all I think to myself as I put the plates of steaming pasta into the bottom of the oven to keep warm. I hope she gets here soon. But when she still hasn't arrived half hour later, I can't help but start to worry, she should be here by now. Pulling out my phone I open a local traffic app, searching for disruptions or accidents that might have delayed her journey, finding none, I fire off a quick text. 

“You nearly here baby? Dinners ready H x” 

No response. This is ridiculous, there's no way she's still driving, she should have gotten here an hour ago. Pacing the living room impatiently I check my phone again. 0 messages 0 calls. Shit. Hastily I scroll through my contacts, locating Katie's number easily and hitting the call button. Come on baby, where are you? I hear myself saying aloud as I listen to the sound of ringing emitting from the speaker. 

“Hi this is Katie, I can't come to the phone right now, so leave a message!” For fuck's sake! What the hell is going on? Has she changed her mind about us already? Everything was fine this morning when I dropped her off at work... I don't understand. Sitting down on the sofa, I rest my elbows on my outstretched knees and place my head in my hands, trying to recall every conversation we've had since she arrived here yesterday afternoon. Going over every look, every gesture, every word that's passed between us in that time, I can't for the life of me see any clues that I missed telling me that she was going to run again. 

What if I've got this all wrong and something's happened to her? What if Michael somehow caught up with her? Or if he sabotaged her car again and caused her to have an accident? What if she's gotten lost somewhere and her phone's got no signal? Or her batteries dead? I'll just try and call her one last time, at least then I'll know for sure if her phones on... Pressing my phone to my ear and feeling my knuckles turn white under the pressure of how tightly I am gripping the damn thing, I listen to the familiar ringing on the other end for a minute or so before the voicemail kicks in. Her phones definitely still on then. Fuck! What the fuck's going on? The only other time's I've not been able to get hold of her were after the theatre, when Jeff scared her and she ran, and after she saw the photo's of me and Sarah... and broke up with me. Surely she'd have told me if she'd decided not to come though right? Let me know if she'd changed her mind about us? Given me some kind of closure? She wouldn't just leave me sitting here like a complete dick waiting for her to turn up. Fuck where is she?

Katie's perspective. 

Why isn't anything helping! A voice in my head screams at me. Stay calm Katie. Panicking is only going to make matters worse, I coach myself and try to pull my head together enough to come up with a plan through the fog that is descending over my brain. I need my nebuliser, but where on earth am I going to plug it in? I can't just knock on a strangers door and hope they let me in... can I? Glancing around quickly, I notice a tall, skinny man with a receding hairline jogging down the pavement next to the car, leaning over as far as I can manage on to the passenger seat, I open the window by the pavement next to him and try to call out to get his attention. “Exc... Plea... Hel...” The words are cut off before they've ever really begun, coming out as nothing more than a strangled wheeze, and the jogger, who I can now see has earphones in, doesn't even notice me as he keeps up his pace and continues on down the street. Fuck! 

Watching the joggers back as he grows smaller and smaller as he makes his way further down the street, I place a hand to my chest. I. Can't. Breathe. Harry! Will he be wondering where I've got to? I should be there by now. God I wish he was here... 

I can't control the panic any longer, its surging through my veins, completely overwhelming me. I can't get enough air. I have to do something. Black dots swirl in front of my eyes as I struggle to grab my trusty backpack from the rear seat of the car and tug it on to my lap. Without even checking the road for traffic, I thrust open the door and feel myself half falling, half scrambling out of the car. One of my knees hits the rough tarmac and I feel the skin break as I heave my backpack over my shoulder and desperately try to get to my feet. I'm going to have to knock on one of these doors. I know its only a matter of minutes now until I lose consciousness, there's no other option. It doesn't even occur to me to try and call someone for help, I'm not even sure where my phone is and I didn't even think to remove the key from the ignition of the car, the engine is still running and I am dimly aware of Harry's voice quietly singing from the speakers as I force myself to put one foot in front of the other and start moving forwards, towards the rows of houses.

“Here we go again  
Another go-round for all of my friends  
Another non-stop will it never end  
Here we go again  
Another go-round for all of my friends  
Another non-stop will it never end  
We're never coming back down   
Yeah we're looking down on the clouds”

Harry's perspective 

Checking my phone for the umpteenth time, I realise Katie is now nearly 2 hours late. I feel my shoulders slump as I resign myself to the inevitable truth, she's not coming. Struggling to control my anger I head down to the gym and grab my boxing gear, needing to release some of the stress building up in my chest almost painfully. I plug my phone into the dock on the stereo and hit play on my workout playlist, cranking the volume as high as it'll go. Disgusted by the sick feeling that seeps into my stomach when I try and digest the fact that she's gone. 

Drawing my fist back, I take the first punch at the navy blue boxing bag suspended from the ceiling at the far end of my home gym, the beat of the track emitting from the speakers' pounds through me, but nothing can drown out the voice in my head 'She's run again. She doesn't love you. She changed her mind' Fuck! I exclaim as I alternate my punches, left, right, left, harder, faster, stronger. The bag swings freely with no one to hold it in place and I focus on landing each punch with as much accuracy as possible as the tears start to form in my eyes, obscuring my vision. 'She's run again. She doesn't love you. She changed her mind.' 

Katie's perspective 

Dragging myself up to the stark white PVC door facing out to the street from the first house I see seems to take hours, it feels like I am wearing lead boots as I force my feet one in front of the other, making slow progress as I continue to fight for air and my vision clouds due to the lack of oxygen. Reaching the door, I dimly register a large rose design etched on the stain glass panel and a series of images flash before my eyes in rapid succession. Toby presenting me with white Roses at work, Making love to Harry by a roaring fire in Japan surrounded by orange Rose petals, the beautiful long-stemmed red Roses that accompanied his heartfelt letter, Harry's ring. My bracelet. I can't help but wonder if I will ever see him again, or if this will be the attack I've been waiting for for most of my life, the one that I don't wake up from.

As the faces of my family swim before my eyes along with images of the only man I've ever truly loved, I reach a flailing hand out to hit the door in front of me with all the strength I can muster in one last-ditch attempt to get help, as my legs give way beneath me and I feel myself collapsing on to the hard red brick porch, my eyes flicker closed, and I tumble into darkness.


	67. Chapter 67 - Day one

Mrs Bertram's perspective 

As the paramedic's race through my still wide open front door, I feel a chill rush past me from the January wind. Hurriedly I shoo the children back up the stairs and away from the scene in my living room that I can barely comprehend myself. My husband of ten years is crouched on the floor pressing his lips over the mouth of a small brunette, who I estimate to be in her early twenties. When he opened the door after hearing a thud as I was trying to help the children with their homework after dinner this evening, I never in a million years thought this would be the result, I assumed one of the neighbour kids had thrown something at the door as usual.. but this... I could never have imagined. The poor girl hasn't taken a single breath in the last few minutes, despite James frantically performing CPR as the dispatcher on the phone gives him instructions. I risk a glance back down at the lifeless body sprawled on the rug on my living room floor. She doesn't look real. 

“She's still not breathing. Adrenaline” I hear the older of the two paramedics shout to his partner, who places a needle in his hand with lightning speed. I can't help but turn my head as he raises it high above her chest, not needing to see any more. 

“Still no pulse. Attaching defibrillator. Clear” Says the younger of the two as he attaches sticky pads to her now exposed chest whilst I stand inert in the doorway clinging on to my husband. This can't be happening... 

“I've got a pulse. It's weak but it's there. Let's get her in the van” the older man says, bending to grasp up the girl's backpack and machine from the floor. 

Thank god. I sigh of relief shoots through me at the sound of his words, she's alive. 

Harry's perspective. 

Left, right, left. Harder, faster, stronger. I am focusing so intently on the movement of my fists as they connect to the swinging bag that it takes a moment to register that the beat of the dance track that was blasting from the speakers and filling my ears just a moment ago has now been replaced by a low ringing. 

Katie! Struggling to pull my boxing gloves off, I nearly bite off the end of the Velcro securing them to my wrists in an attempt to free my hands so that I can answer the call. Walking on unsteady feet towards my phone I finally manage to free my left hand and make short work of the right, tossing the gloves aside and reaching forward snatching the iPhone from the dock, I press the accept call button without even glancing at the name on my screen. 

I I pant, out of breath from my workout and the exertion of trying to remove the damn gloves.

“H? Harry? it's Ben mate, hold on for Mel ok?” Ben's voice shouts down the phone, he sounds a million miles away and I can hear the low rumble of an engine in the background, he must be driving and have me on speaker. I can hear another voice with him, talking at top speed, too quickly for me to make out her words, Mel I assume, she sounds strange. 

“Ben? What's going on? Is Katie with you?” I ask him quickly as my heart drops into my stomach 

“I'm in the car with Mel, H.. something's happened...” Ben begins but Mel's voice cuts him off, her usual bubbly tone is nowhere to be found, her voice is thick with tears and she sniffs audibly to clear her nose before attempting to speak

“It's Katie, her asthma... I don't know what's happened exactly, but we're on our way to the hospital, her mum called me and.. and... they just said we need to get there right away. The hospital called them but they can't get a ferry over until the morning, they .. they said, they didn't want.. “ Mel's voice cuts off as another sob escapes her throat

“Which hospital?” I ask frantically as I take the stairs two at a time, rushing to reach the front door. I grab a set of car keys from the hooks in the hallway as I pass and start shoving my feet into a pair of shoes

“St... St Mary's” Mels voice cracks over the speaker “It's in ..” 

“I know where it is. Where are you? How long till you get there?” I ask her in a voice that suddenly sounds foreign to me, it is too calm, that can't be me speaking. 

“We only just left the flat, I had to go collect some clothes and then... Mrs Francis called and... she said.. she said Katie was unconscious Harry. We left straight away... But...” Mel stammers but Ben cuts her off again

“H. It'll be at least an hour till we can get there. You're closer, she must have nearly been at yours. Just get there mate. We'll be right behind you” 

Ending the call without bothering to respond to Ben, I throw open the heavy wooden front door and sprint towards the car, my feet dislodging the loose gravel under my feet with every step. Images of my beautiful girl swim past my eyes, all my thoughts on her. How could I have been so stupid to let myself believe she'd just left me like that? I should have known something had happened, I should have guessed after the attack she had in my bed just last night! Not automatically assumed it was all about me. Idiot! I scream internally, hoisting myself in to the drivers seat of my black Audi, which was the first thing I grabbed the keys to, I throw the car into reverse, tearing out of the gates as quickly as I can, my foot pressed almost to the floor with no regard for speed limits or safety as I speed towards the hospital. 

15 minutes later, having broken every driving law in the book, I abandon my car in the first space I see and search blindly for the signs for A&E. A warm blast of air assaults me as the automatic doors slide open and I slip between them as soon as there is enough room, heading straight to the check-in desk, past crying babies, people bleeding and one guy with his head stuck in one of those awful cardboard bowls they give you to puke in these places. I hate hospitals. 

“My girlfriend was brought in here sometime in the last hour or so, I don't know when exactly. Katie Francis?” I blurt out to the receptionist before she's even had a chance to acknowledge my presence at her desk and I'm sure its the quickest I've ever spoken. 

“Sorry, what was the name again?” She asks staring intently at her computer screen and I have to grit my teeth to stop myself from shouting at her in frustration. 

“Francis. F,R,A,N,C,I,S.” I spell out for her. Come on, come on! Type faster! I will her, tapping my foot impatiently on the hard linoleum floor. 

“Miss Francis is currently in Resus, if you'd just like to take a seat I'll ask the Doctor to come and speak to you when he can,” The receptionist tells me in a bored voice, but, as she finishes her sentence she finally looks up and makes eye contact with me. Her bored, frustrated expression quickly changes to one of shock as she recognises me in an instant. In my haste to leave the house, I didn't think to so much as grab a beanie, I am totally exposed, but I don't care, as long as she lets me see Katie. I'm not family, technically I guess they can refuse me access to her... 

“Ha-Harry Styles?” She whimpers, interrupting my thoughts. 

“Yes, look please, please tell me what's happened to Katie? I was just told to get here... I don't even know why... Resus?” my voice breaks on the unfamiliar word and I swallow heavily, trying to gulp down the tears, the last thing I want to do right now is draw more attention to myself, I just want to see my girl. 

“Let me see what I can do,” The receptionist tells me with a kind look, picking up the phone on her desk she places a call. Ducking my head into my hands, I lean against the desk in an attempt to hide my too famous face. 

“Harry.. Mr Styles? If you could just follow me, I'll take you through to the family waiting area, the Doctor will come and see you there” 

Not trusting my voice right now, I nod at her as she shoots me an understanding smile and hurries out from behind her desk, leading me through another set of automatic doors and in to a small room, just large enough to hold 4 very uncomfortable looking blue plastic chairs and a vending machine that looks older than I am. 

“Please wait here, the Doctor will be in shortly,” she says and flashes another small smile at me before retreating and closing the door behind her. Leaving me alone in the stark, half-empty room, with nothing but my fears to keep me company. 

I don't know how much time has passed since the receptionist brought me in here, but I'm starting to get dizzy from pacing around this tiny room in circles. Running a hand through my still sweat filled hair, wiping my hand on my trousers, I look over at the glass panelled door to my left and watch the doctors and nurses in their scrubs rushing past. Fuck this. My hand hits the cold metal of the door handle before I've even fully formed a plan and I wrench it open, letting it slam behind me as I start to walk down a long corridor.

My head swivels left and right, taking in the various signs I pass, looking for anything that might indicate I am going in the right direction. Finally I see a large double doorway ahead of me with a red sign above it, proclaiming in white letters 'Resuscitation' and my brain finally makes the, now seemingly obvious, connection between the abbreviation the receptionist gave me and the sign before my eyes, I feel bile rising in my throat and force myself to take a deep breath before I reach out and push open the swinging doors. 

My ears are instantly assaulted by a cacophony of noise the minute I step through the doorway in to the large open plan room, The smell of bleach and disinfectant stings my nostrils, and various beeps from the machinery almost drown out the low voices of the Doctors and Nurses working on the patients hidden behind privacy curtains. A strangled cry escaping the lips of one of the patients stops me in my tracks, but, registering that its a man's voice, I callously push the sound to the back of my mind. My only objective  
right now is to find Katie. 

From my position in the doorway I can see four curtained off patient areas, and a large desk which takes up most of the room, a wheelchair sits abandoned against a wall and I see the back of a paramedics green jumpsuit as he or she exits through another door on the opposite end.

Thankfully the only other indication of staff is the low mumblings from behind the curtains, so at least there's no one to kick my arse straight back out again I think as I slowly step deeper inside the room and crane my neck to try and see around the nearest piece of green fabric, before I've gone more than three steps though, a familiar sight catches my eye and my feet start moving forward unbidden beneath me. Rushing towards the only sign of hope I can see. A large, battered black backpack slung on the floor. Just visible through the tiny gap between the curtains of the last cubicle on the left and the floor.


	68. Chapter 68 - Day one

I am paralysed. Unable to move, unable to think as I stare down that the immobile body of the woman I love in the bed in front of me. There are tubes protruding from both her arms and her neck, hooked up to tall IV stands filled with bags expelling various medications and chemicals into her veins. A series of wires are sneaking out from the neck hole of the mint green hospital gown she has been dressed in. A large machine, which seems to be connected to the wires on her chest beeps mournfully in the corner, showing a collection of numbers that make no sense to me at all. My gaze finally lands on her perfectly formed face, where a large clear plastic mask sits, a long blue pipe emitting from her mouth. I'm no doctor, but I've watched enough medical shows and movies to know what that tube is for. It's breathing for her.

She looks so small I think as my eyes stray again, focusing in on the small angry red marks puckering the soft skin around her neck, I feel my stomach lurch, and, rushing forward I just make it to a small porcelain sink by the wall before I begin to vomit noisily, expelling the entire contents of my stomach as the shock finally catches up with me and my body reacts, beads of sweat form on my forehead and no matter how tightly I squeeze my eyes shut and how much I pinch at the skin on my arm, I can't make myself wake up from this nightmare.

Leaning my head against the cold porcelain, I quickly rinse out my mouth and force myself to suck in deep breaths through my gritted teeth. She'll be ok. She has to be. 

Moments later, I am vaguely aware of footsteps echoing around the large room, growing louder as whoever they belong to make their way down the long passageway between the patient areas. I hastily wipe my mouth across my sleeve, and turn to face the closed curtains, pulling myself up as straight as I can manage, squaring my shoulders, I plant my feet resolutely ready for an argument. No one is going to make me leave her.

 

Mel's perspective.

I can't even bear to wait for Ben to come to a full stop outside the entrance to A&E before grabbing the door handle and flinging open the heavy car door. Hopping out on to the tarmac as Ben heads off to find a parking space, I pull my thin jumper tighter around my shoulders, the cold January air biting at my skin. I rush through the automatic doors, grateful for the warm air that hits me as I step into the hospital and have a brief conversation with a very bored looking receptionist. She tells me that Katie is in Resus, and, after confirming my identity, apparently Mrs Francis called her just moments ago to let her know I would be coming her place, she gives me directions and gestures towards a glass panelled door at the far end of the room.

“Just through there, straight down, fifth door on your left,” she says robotically, barely bothering to look up from her computer screen.

“Thank you,” I say loudly to contradict her rudeness and spinning on my heels, I make my way towards the door to find my best friend. I hope Harry is already here, I hope she's not alone. I think to myself as I trudge down a long stark corridor. Finally spotting a red sign that reads 'Resuscitation' I shove open the double doors and step inside.

“Seriously I'm her boyfriend! Her roommate is on her way here now, but I live closer..” The first thing I register as I walk into the large mint green painted hospital ward is Harry's frantic voice and I force my feet to move faster beneath me, following the sound. 

“I'm sorry sir, but until your identity is verified, I'm afraid I cannot permit you to stay,” an authoritative female voice says back to him.

“If you think I'm going to leave that easily, I'm afraid you're mistaken,” Harry responds, his words are polite but there is a tone in his voice that makes it clear he isn't going anywhere no matter what she says. 

“I'm here! I'm here!” I call out as I reach the open curtain surrounding Katie's bed, the doctors head swivels around to look at me “I'm Melanie Clarke, Katie's roommate, and that is her boyfriend, I can verify that. Katie would want him here” I blurt out quickly, keeping my eyes fixed firmly on the doctors face. 

At my words Harry collapses heavily into a blue plastic chair at Katie's bedside with an audible huff, he shoots me a grateful look, his face is as pale as the white bed sheets next to him.

“It really is meant to only be immediate family in this area..” The doctor begins, looking from me to Harry and back again, taking a step towards me she continues “Miss Clarke, Katie's mother telephoned us and requested that you be treated as next of kin until such time as she can get here, but I'm afraid I am not permitted to discuss my patients condition in front of anyone else at this time” she says, glancing pointedly at Harry.

“Fine, that's fine. You don't have to discuss anything with me, just please doctor, don't make me leave her” Harry says in a small voice from over the doctor's shoulder. His eyes glisten with unshed tears as he stares at Katie, lying prone in the hospital bed. I daren't look at her, knowing the moment that I do, I will be in an even worse state than him and I need the doctor to tell me what's happened first, one of us has to keep it together.

“Why don't we speak out here?” The doctor says, taking me by the elbow and leading me back down the rows of curtains and out of earshot of Harry.

“Please doctor, what happened?” I ask, trying desperately to keep my composure, I brush the tears from my eyes and look directly into hers, she is taller than me, with shoulder length brown hair and a long white lab coat. A lanyard on her chest tells me her name is Dr Elizabeth Martinez.

“I'm afraid she's had a severe asthma attack. When the paramedics reached the scene, Miss Francis had no discernible pulse and they were forced to use a defibrillator to shock her heart back into a steady rhythm. We cannot be certain how long she was without oxygen for, but there is a concern about brain damage. Unfortunately, at this point, there is very little more I can tell you, except that we are doing our best to help her.” she says in a calm voice. “She's intubated so that we can help her breathe and the surgeons placed a central line in order to ensure the medications she requires can work as quickly as possible.”

I nod along to the doctors' words, trying to commit them to memory as I know I am going to have to repeat this all to Harry in a matter of minutes.

“I must tell you, Miss Clarke, never before have I witnessed an asthmatic be revived from an attack this severe. I cannot tell you that she is out of the woods” She places a hand lightly on top of one of mine, which I realise I have folded tightly over my chest, hugging myself tightly, as I try and stop my emotions from taking over. Having already seen the state of Harry I know that one of us has got to keep a clear head, not normally my area of expertise, but I do have a bit more experience of dealing with this than he does, having witnessed Katie's last prolonged stay in a hospital.

“Is it, I mean, is she worse than last time?” I ask the doctor tentatively, unsure I really want to hear the answer.

“From what I can see from her notes, I believe this attack was more severe. And it certainly took longer for help to reach her on this occasion. We have induced a medical coma to give us the best possible chance of being able to help her, which I believe was the treatment previously as well” She adds softly.

“Can Harry stay with us?” I whisper pitifully, focusing my eyes on hers and pleading with her to agree. I don't think I can cope with sitting here alone. 

“I'm not sure I could move that young man if I tried to.” She admits “He seems quite determined”

I try and force my mouth into a smile but even I can feel it falls flat. “Thank you, doctor,” I say earnestly relief flooding through me. 

“As soon as a bed becomes available, we will move Katie to ICU, the Intensive Care Unit” She explains seeing the confusion on my face at the acronym. “For now, I will leave you to spend some time with her. Talk to her, hold her hand” With that, she gives me a sympathetic smile and moves away, down the corridor and behind another curtain, I assume to check on a patient there. 

Harry's perspective

Try as I might, I can't drag my eyes away from Katie when Mel returns and tries to explain to me what the doctor has told her. I know I am being rude, not looking at her whilst she's talking to me, I know I should be trying to console her, she's Katie's best friend after all and I know she loves her to bits, but I cannot tear my gaze away from my girl, even lying in a hospital bed, her skin as white as snow, she's still beautiful.

“How long will they keep her like this?” I ask Mel

“The doctor didn't say, as long as it takes I guess. They said she'll be moved to intensive care as soon as there is a bed. I guess, for now, we just wait” she sniffs.

Finally forcing my eyes to meet Mel's, I see for the first time how truly shaken up she is, unlike me, she can barely bring herself to look at Katie, her eyes are red and there are black marks underneath them where her mascara has run, tears still fall freely down her cheeks, but she doesn't make any effort to push them away, its as if she hasn't even noticed them.

“Can I touch her?” I ask Mel in a small voice

“The doctor said we could hold her hand, said we should talk to her” Mel confirms and without waiting another moment I pull my chair closer to Katie's bedside, resting my knees against the cool metal frame I slowly reach out and stroke my fingers across the back of her hand, scared to move it too much in case I disturb any of the tubes protruding from the needle buried in the crease of her elbow. Carefully I slide off the large silver rose ring I always wear, and slip it down over Katie's index finger, it's too big and rattles around a little. Remembering a roll of medical tape I saw next to the sink I threw up in earlier, I turn and grab it, biting off a piece and sticking it quickly over the back of the ring to her delicate skin, hopefully, that will keep it in place.

“In case you're worrying in there baby and need something to fiddle with” I whisper quietly as I gently lift her hand and place it on top of my own, marvelling at how small it looks resting against my palm, I bend my head and plant a small, soft kiss on her knuckles.

“Harry, I need to go find Ben, make sure he found a parking space ok, did you want to come grab a coffee or anything?”

“I'm not leaving her,” I say to Mel, my eyes flashing up to meet hers. “I'm not leaving her alone” I repeat in a tone that broaches no argument.

“Ok.. can I get you something at least? Coffee? Tea?” she asks me timidly, shit I've scared her. Pull it together Styles, you're not the only one who's hurting here.

“Water would be great please." I say more politely "And maybe some chewing gum? I er, I threw up when I got here..” I say by way of explanation at the random request. Mel riffles through the huge bag on her shoulder for a couple of seconds before handing me a small blue pack of gum.

“I'll be back soon, call me if they move her ok?” she says and flashes me her best attempt at a smile as she turns to walk out the curtains. I don't even attempt to return it. I can't see any reason at all why I would smile again until Katie wakes up.


	69. Chapter 69 - Day one

Mel's perspective. 

I make my way back out to A&E slowly, dragging my feet along the linoleum floor. Why do they have to make these places so bloody depressing? As if it's not bad enough being in a hospital already, you'd think they would try and cheer the place up a little bit. The walls are all the same sickly green colour, stretching out in every direction as far as I can see, the occasional window breaks up the monotony but as its nearly 11 pm and this side of the hospital doesn't face the street or the car park, the only thing I can see through them is darkness. 

Ben is sat in the waiting room when I arrive, staring down at his phone intently, his eyebrows knitted together. 

“Hey,” I say as I approach him

“Hey! I was just texting you. You ok?” He asks, sliding a muscular arm around my shoulder and pulling me close to his side. At this simple gesture, I feel my eyes fill with tears again, this time I don't even try and control myself, burying my head into his T-shirt I cry wholeheartedly, my body shaking as the sobs wrack through me. Finally allowing myself to feel the terror and emotion that I've been trying to hide since I walked into the hospital nearly an hour ago. 

“Sssh baby it's ok. She'll be ok I'm sure, I mean, she's in the best place right? They'll take care of her” Ben consoles me, pressing a soft kiss into the hair on top of my head. 

“She looks so broken” I sob picturing the glimpse of Katie I allowed myself to take as I left her and Harry alone in Resus. 

“How's Harry?” Ben asks quietly “Toby called me, he dropped one of the cars back at Harry's a little while ago and was confused to find no one home but all the lights on, I guess he left in a hurry. I asked him to turn everything off and set the security alarms” 

“He's...he's a mess. Said he got sick when he saw her” I tell him, as I finally straighten up and wipe my nose on the cuff of my jumper, not having anything else to hand, and quite frankly, not caring what anyone thinks of me right now. Once I've composed myself, I spend a few minutes filling Ben in on what the doctor said, before eventually suggesting we go and find a coffee somewhere. 

“I think I'm in for a long night,” I say as we take a seat in the hospital cafeteria and I pour several packets of sugar into my large black coffee, stirring it vigorously. “I'm hoping they'll at least let us stay until she's moved to ICU, you don't have to stay though, I can just get a cab home later” 

“Of course I'm staying,” Ben says over the rim of his coffee cup as he brings it to his lips to take a sip. “Silly girl. I'm here for you ok? As long as you need” He reassures me and reaches out across the small plastic circular table to take my hand.

“I don't think they'll let you come in with us,” I admit sheepishly “Honestly we had enough trouble convincing the doctor to let Harry stay” 

“Baby you don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine in the waiting room, you can just come out whenever you need to alright?” He says with a small smile. 

“You're quite amazing, you know that?” I tell him, feeling the corners of my own lips twitch up in a smile to mirror his. 

“Ahh, I've been told that once or twice.. don't like to brag though” He teases, and a low giggle escapes my throat. “There's my happy girl,” He says, running his fingers across the backs of my knuckles. 

“I shouldn't be laughing right now, not whilst... it's not right” I say quickly, angry at myself for forgetting, even for a moment, where I am and why. 

“Hey, come on, Katie wouldn't want you to be sat here in tears, she loves you. She wouldn't begrudge you a tiny giggle” 

“I should get back,” I tell him, suddenly full of guilt and wanting nothing more than to be back at Katie's side. Pushing my chair back, I wince at the sound of the metal legs scraping against the floor and throw Ben an apologetic look before placing a quick kiss on his stubble covered cheek. I heave my heavy bag back on to my shoulder and pick up Harry's bottle of water before making my way back to Resus. 

Harry's perspective. 

The doctor finally came back shortly after midnight to tell us that Katie was going to be transferred to the ICU shortly. She ushered Mel and I outside, telling us that they would take Katie up and that, as she was going to be in a private room, the only space they currently had available, we would be permitted to go up and see her again once she was settled. 

“Take the elevator to the second floor, the ICU is the third door to your left when you get off, wait maybe an hour before you come up” a smiley Nurse calls out to Mel as we head towards the exit. 

Thankfully, Mel acknowledges and thanks the nurse, saving me the bother of having to try and form a sentence in my fuzzy head. But it doesn't take her more than a few steps before turning her head towards me and asking “Ben's in the waiting room if you want to come see him?” forcing me to have to respond. 

“Thanks but, I think I'm going to head outside for a bit. Get some fresh air. I'll come and find you in about an hour ok?” 

Mel gives me a small nod, and starts to walk back in the direction of A&E, whilst I simple march my way up to the nearest door marked 'Exit' and push down on the large metal bars to swing it open, a gust of freezing air hits me and I realise I haven't so much as got a jacket. Hugging my arms tightly around myself, I spot a bench a few feet away, forcing myself forwards, I drag my feet across a muddy patch of grass before collapsing heavily against the tarnished wood, feeling it sag under my weight. I pull my phone from my pocket and hurriedly type in the number of the only person I can bear to speak to right now, I hope she's still awake. 

“Mum?” I said as soon as she picked up the phone

“Harry! My goodness, you scared me, what are you doing calling so late? Is everything ok?” My mothers' familiar voice, full of concern, instantly brings fresh tears to my eyes and I swallow heavily before replying in a thick voice 

“No, it's not. Mum, Katie's in the hospital, she had an asthma attack.. a bad one” I tell her 

“Oh, sweetheart! I'm so sorry! Is she ok? Poor girl” Mum says kindly

“Not really. She's in a coma, Mum... she's hooked up to all these wires, and, and, the doctors won't tell me anything cos I'm not family. I'm having to get everything second hand through her roommate. I don't know what to do to help her” I blurt out 

“Oh my god, Harry I'm so sorry! Where are her parents?” Mum asks quickly 

“They live on the Isle of Wight and couldn't get a ferry over so late, their heading over first thing in the morning” 

“They must be beside themselves. Sweetheart, is there anything I can do?” My mum asks, her voice full of sympathy and I can't control my emotions any longer. I hear a strangled sob escape from my throat. 

“I can't lose her Mum!” I cry through my tears, shouting now as the anger and pent-up emotions finally find a release

“Ssh Ssh, it's ok, it'll be ok I'm sure of it. She's in the best possible place. Do you want me to come down?” she offers

“I don't know what to do” I whimper pathetically down the phone, not answering her question. Of course, I'd love her to come down, take me in her arms and make everything better, but I'm a grown man now, and there is nothing my mum can do to help Katie. 

“I will come if you want me to sweetheart, just say the word” 

“Thanks, Mum. I will let you know ok? I better get back inside. They are moving her to intensive care and I wanna be there if... when she wakes up” I say in a small voice, what is it about mums sympathy that reduces me to a child every time? I might as well be five years old again having fallen in the playground and scrapped my knee the way I'm reacting.

“Ok Harry, just, keep in touch ok? And make sure you look after yourself too. WHEN Katie wakes up, she's going to need you to be strong for her” She emphasises the word 'when' heavily and I'm not sure if she's trying to convince me or herself. Having so recently lost the love of her own life, I know she can sympathise with me more than most people. 

“I love you” I tell her, trying to put all my feelings and emotions in to those three simple words, in the hope that she can understand how much I truly care for her, after today's events, I feel, more than ever, how important it is to tell people how much they mean to me at every opportunity. 

“I love you too baby. Love to Katie” Mum finishes, ending our call. 

Walking in to the small corner room of the ICU I feel a small sense of relief wash over me, the room is much more comforting than the resuscitation area downstairs, with a sofa against the wall and an old armchair next to the bed, which is eerily similar to the one I have in my bedroom in LA, it even has its own bathroom and a window looking out on to the car park. 

“Please be aware that it's past visiting hours, so let's make it a quick visit ok?” The same doctor from earlier says quietly as we all stand awkwardly around Katie's bed, Mel's eyes are fixed on something apparently very interesting on the opposite wall that I can't see, so the doctor addresses her words mostly to me. 

“I'm not leaving her,” I say in a monotone voice, expecting an argument from her and more than ready to fight my corner, but to my surprise, she smiles at me kindly and places a hand on my forearm. 

“Why doesn't that surprise me?” she asks with a sigh “As this is a private room, I won't try and force you. Just make sure you don't disturb the other patients or the staff ok?” She adds, patting my arm sympathetically. 

I feel my eyebrows shoot up towards my hairline in shock at her words but decide not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I force them back in to place and shake her hand gratefully. 

“Thank you,” I say sincerely as the doctor leaves the room, closing the door behind her. 

“Harry.. you can't stay here all night,” Mel says in a soft voice, her eyes finally moving from their spot on the wall to meet  
mine. 

“How many times do I have to say it, Mel? I'm not leaving her ok?” I snap exasperated, why is this so difficult for people to grasp? 

“Ok. Sorry. Well, now I know she's settled... I'm going to head home and get some rest. Her mum and dad will be arriving early in the morning. I'll let you know when we're on our way here ok?” Mel replies sheepishly, I know I'm being a dick but at this point, exhausted and emotional from the night's events, I am beyond caring. 

“Ok. See you then,” I say as she embraces me in a brief hug which I manage to half-heartedly return. 

Finally alone I walk slowly up to Katie's bedside and reach out to take her hand in mine. “Hey baby, I'm back,” I tell her, knowing full well that she can't hear me, but the simple act of speaking to her like I would any other day helps to lighten the weight on my chest just a little. Pushing the familiar strand of hair that always falls into her eyes, I place a soft kiss on her forehead. 

“I love you so much. I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise.” I whisper into her ear, breathing in the last remnants of vanilla scented perfume still lingering on her neck before making my way over to the battered two seater sofa pressed up against the wall beneath the window. I think it started off life as a cheerful blue colour, but years of wear and sun exposure have dulled the cushions to a sort of dirty grey. Curling into a ball in order to fit my whole body on to the small seat, I roll on to my side to face Katie, keeping my eyes fixed on her until the repetitive beeping from the machines eventually lulls me into an uneasy sleep. 

Katie's perspective 

Somewhere in the darkness, his voice calls out to me, such a sweet soothing sound... It takes a lot more effort than I expect to force my heavy eyelids to flicker open and I have to blink several times before they adjust to the dim light in the strange room. I finally manage to make out his silhouette, backlit from the light of the large silver moon outside the window, curled in to a tiny ball on a sofa that is nowhere near big enough to accommodate his tall frame, and try to call out to him, to let him know I'm awake, to tell him that I love him too, but something is blocking my throat, I try and stretch up a hand to move it but my arm feels like its made of lead. After what feels like hours, I manage to raise my hand slightly my fingers rising off of the soft fabric beneath them, but the effort exhausts me and I can't fight to keep my eyes open anymore, so I submit, slipping back into the darkness.


	70. Chapter 70 - Day two

January 30th   
Harry's perspective

“Black coffee please, large” I mumble groggily to the middle-aged woman with greying hair standing behind the till in the cafeteria as I try and rub the sleep out of my eyes with the back of my hand. The combination of the too small sofa, the nurses coming in every two hours by rote to check Katie's obs, and the worry coursing through me that I couldn't manage to forget even in sleep, has left me utterly exhausted this morning. A tiny Asian nurse with jet black hair shooed me out of Katie's room about half hour ago so they could take care of some of her more private concerns, and given that her parents and Mel are due to arrive shortly, I figured it was time to try and refuel a bit. At least, as its barely 6 am, there's no one else in the cafeteria so I don't have to worry about being recognised. 

Meeting a girlfriend's parents is always a nerve-wracking experience, but when your about to meet them for the first time over a hospital bed in which said girlfriend is fighting for her life... not being half asleep seems particularly important. Taking a sip of the scalding hot black liquid, I scrunch my nose in distaste and reach across the counter for a packet of sweetener, it tastes more like petrol than anything else and makes my empty stomach churn with disgust. Remembering my mum's words from last night about taking care of myself, I hastily grab a banana and a nearby bagel and add it to my order without even registering what's in it.

Chewing absent-mindedly, I head outside into the early morning mist and cold January air, shivering slightly as it bites into my bare arms, and make my way over to my car. Years of travelling from place to place have ingrained in me a habit of leaving a 'to go' bag in the boot of all my cars, just in case. I pull the large blue shoulder bag out of the boot and drop it on to the tarmac where it lands by my feet with a dull thud. 

Leaning against the boot, I finish my bagel and down the rest of the coffee before rifling through my bag quickly in the hope of finding a jacket. No such luck, but my old Green Bay hoody is crunched up in the bottom looking slightly creased and worse for wear. Tugging it quickly over my head, I yank the hood up and keep my eyes focused on the ground as I make my way back up to Katie's room. As the morning drifts on, more and more people are walking around the hospital and the last thing I can cope with right now is being recognised. 

When I get back to the room, the nurse is in the process of pulling a coarse beige blanket up over Katie's exposed legs, not wanting to get in the way, I linger in the doorway for a few seconds watching as she tightly tucks the edges under the mattress, securing Katie in some sort of fluffy cocoon, before picking up a large bunch of bedding in her tiny arms and turning towards me. 

“Hi, It's Harry right?” She asks in a small voice, raising her eyebrows as she cranes her neck to look at me, she can't be more than four and a half feet tall I think idly as I nod my head slowly in response, has she recognised me? Or did the doctor or another nurse give her my name? 

“Sorry, I don't mean to bother you or anything. I recognised you earlier and I just wanted to let you know that, well, whilst this area of the hospital is pretty empty most of the time, a lot of our patients are elderly and unfortunately don't get all that many visitors, but occasionally their families do pop in, and things get a bit more.. crowded. Anyway, I thought you'd like to know that visiting hours are between 10-2 and 5-8, you might want to keep yourself out of sight during those times” 

“Thanks,” I say with a sigh, the last thing I want to have to worry about at the moment is how to keep my presence here a secret so that the media don't get wind of it, so I am grateful for the heads up. “I appreciate the warning.” 

“No problem. I'll get out of your hair” she says and I watch her retreating back as she struggles out the doorway with her bundle.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I pull a spare charger from the bag and quickly plug it in, it died at some point or another during the night and I really should let Jeff know what's going on, not that he'll care about Katie's well being, I think sourly, but because he's my manager and he ought to be aware. I take the opportunity while my phone charges, to brush my teeth and wash as best as I can in the tiny sink in the bathroom adjoining Katie's room. Catching sight of myself in the large rectangular mirror on the wall, I pull my fingers through my wayward hair in an attempt to make it presentable, before pulling on a clean T-shirt and jeans from my bag and taking up my position again at Katie's bedside, resting her tiny hand in mine. 

An hour or so later, I am dozing in the armchair when Mel's voice rouses me. 

“Harry?” She says gently and I feel her hand on my shoulder. 

Opening my eyes, her face comes in to view, her blonde hair falling in waves around it, her blue eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot and I shoot her a sympathetic look as I recognise the same pain I feel reflected in her features. Suddenly my eyes catch sight of the two people standing behind her and I remember with a start she was bringing Katie's parents with her this morning. I pull myself up and out of the chair and extend a hand quickly towards an older man wearing a pair of loose black jeans, dark T-shirt and jacket, with grey hair and weather-beaten skin, clearing my throat, I try to keep my composure as my eyes meet his. 

“Mr Francis, it's nice to meet you, I'm Harry,” I say, trying to force my lips into a smile, but they don't want to co-operate.

“Nice to meet you” He nods, shaking my hand firmly, he's older than I would have expected, in his 60's at a guess. Turning slightly to Mrs Francis I repeat the gesture, and the small woman, who must be at least 2 feet shorter than her husband looks at me with wet eyes as she squeezes my hand gently and mumblers a quick “Hello” before moving quickly towards her daughter's bedside. I watch as she gently strokes a hand over Katie's cheek and whispers something to her that I don't quite catch. 

“We spoke to the Doctor,” Mr Francis tells me in a gruff voice, “Said they'll be taking her down for an MRI scan later then they can give us an update. I hear you've set up camp here?” 

“Yes, I guess you could say that. I, er, didn't want her to be on her own” I tell him, nodding towards the bed between us as he and his wife sit themselves down in two of the plastic chairs that I thought to ask the nurse to bring in earlier. 

“Good of you” Mr Francis replies, his eyes wandering over the various machines and tubes surrounding his little girl. Suddenly realising how impolite I am being I turn to Mel and say quietly

“Maybe we should leave Mr and Mrs Francis to have some time alone with Katie.” 

“Sure, can we get you guys anything? Tea? Coffee?” Mel asks Katie's parents

“Actually, tea would be nice, thanks,” Mr Francis says with a nod

Bending down, I brush my lips gently across Katie's forehead and whisper “I'll be back soon baby” 

“See you shortly,” Mel says to Mr and Mrs Francis. and the two of us head towards the door, leaving the small family in peace. 

“There's a Starbucks down the road, maybe we should go there? I don't think I can stomach another cup of the coffee they serve in this place” Mel suggests as we make our way down the ward past rows of other patients. 

“Erm, as much as I'd murder a proper coffee, I'm not sure walking out into the streets of London at 8:30am on a Tuesday morning, is the best idea right now” I say sweeping an arm out and down my body to indicate that its not quite as simple for me to do things like that. “No one knows I'm here and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible” 

“Right, strange superstar stalker.” Mel teases me, using the nickname her and Katie came up with when we first met “I'd almost forgotten, does anyone other than Ben even know you're here right now? I mean, shouldn't you have like, security or some shit following you around?” 

“I haven't given it much thought really, but I should let Jeff know what's going on yeah, I meant to call him before you guys arrived, but I fell asleep” I admit, pulling my phone from my pocket as we reach the elevators. 

“Well, how bout I go get us our drinks, and you hang around here and call your meddling manager?” Mel says and I can almost feel her biting her tongue to stop herself calling Jeff much worse. 

“Thanks, Mel, that'd be great.” 

I decide to head back to the car to call Jeff, the tinted windows are probably my best bet for privacy out here, I must make sure I get back up to Katie's room before visiting hours I think to myself as I climb into the driver's seat. I place my phone in the cradle and place the call, leaving it on speaker. It takes Jeff several rings to answer and when he does, he's out of breath. 

“H! Ben's just been here... why didn't you call me?” He asks in a rush, his American accent booming through the small speaker into the car. 

“Don't start on me Jeff, it's been a long night,” I say exasperated, the last thing I need right now is a lecture about not letting him know my every move. 

“That's not what I mean mate, I mean, why didn't you call me, as your friend. You must be worried sick!” 

“Oh,” I say surprised, “I didn't think I guess, the only person I called last night was Mum” 

“I get that. Look H, I know I've not always been the biggest supporter of you and Katie's relationship, but, if there's anything I can do.. just say the word ok? I mean it.” 

“Thanks, Jeff,” I say more sincerely, letting my guard down a bit at his kindness. “Everything's a bit of mess right now, I'm not sure exactly what I need. But, it might be helpful to have some security around, it's a pretty public hospital, so it's only a matter of time before someone other than one of the nurses recognises me. You'll have to liaise with the hospital though, they're pretty strict about who's allowed in where” I tell him, remembering the twenty minute argument I had in the middle of the night when, after popping out to grab a bottle of water, I tried to re-enter the ICU, only to be refused entry by the night staff who had no clue who I was and no record of me being in the unit at all. 

“No worries H, I'll take care of it, you're at St Mary's right? in Paddington?” 

“Yeah that's right” I confirm

Jeff and I chat for a few more minutes, I update him on Katie's condition and tell him that her parents recently arrived, he even manages to nearly coax a smile out of me as we discuss how awkward that meeting was. Eventually, I see Mel walking back towards the front entrance, balancing four large Starbucks cups in one of those cardboard carrier things they give you and end the call with Jeff to head over and help her. 

It's early afternoon by the time the security detail Jeff has set up arrive, I was hoping for a friendly face but I don't recognise the guy in a smart navy blue suit who leans himself up against the wall outside Katie's room with his arms folded across his chest looking menacing. Mel left around eleven to head to a college lecture and shortly after, a burly looking orderly appeared and wheeled Katie off for an MRI scan to check for any signs of brain damage, so, as its now visiting hours and I daren't leave Katie's room for fear of being spotted, I am stuck awkwardly trying to make conversation with her parents whilst we wait for them to bring her back and give us an update. 

“So you're a singer are you?” Mr Francis asks me raising an eyebrow 

“I already told you that Stephen.” Mrs Francis tells him in an exasperated tone. “He was in the band Chloe loves, Katie took her to see at Wembley, you remember.” Reminding me of the first night I ever met Katie, when, on our drive home, she told me how she'd taken her niece to one of our shows here in London years before.

“Hmm, Wembley eh? Pretty big then are you?” He asks, turning back to me and staring straight into my eyes and, it feels like, through to my soul, sizing me up. Talk about being under the microscope I think to myself as I try to compose a reply. Usually, I like to think I'm a pretty easy to talk to kind of guy, god knows I've had enough practice, and my friends are always telling me that I could charm my way in to, or out of, anything I wanted. But at the moment it seems almost impossible to form a coherent thought, let alone charm anyone. 

“Erm, yes, I guess we were, a few world tours, number one albums... “ I say quickly, I don't want to show off but I don't want her dad thinking I'm just some guy who has band of mates that practice in their parents' garage or anything either. “We, the band and me, we went on an extended hiatus nearly 2 years ago now though, and since then I've been branching out on my own, which has been going quite well, I recently finished the first leg of my first tour and have an arena one starting in March” I finish, I'm proud of how much I've achieved since we went on our break and I'm not going to try and hide that. 

“Dunkirk!” Mr Francis suddenly says after a few moments of awkward silence “That's where I know you from, isn't it? It's been driving me mad since we walked in here this morning, you're the bloke who wanted to kick the French guy out of the tugboat your all hiding in aren't ya?” 

“Er, yes, that's me” 

“Well, what do you know. Our little Katie dating a movie star, who'd have thought it eh Claire?” Stephen continues, nudging his wife's shoulder with his own. 

Thankfully at that moment the door swings open and the orderly reappears, pushing Katie's hospital bed back into place and reattaching some of the wires draped across her, taking the focus off of me and ending our awkward attempts at conversation for now. Within moments the same doctor who looked after Katie when she first got admitted last night walks into the room with a clipboard in her hand. Does she ever go home? I wonder as she introduces herself to Mr and Mrs Francis. 

“As you know, we've just carried out an MRI scan, and I'm happy to tell you that from what we can see, we believe it is highly unlikely that Katie will suffer any brain damage as a result of this event” 

“Thank god!” Mrs Francis exclaims, and for the first time since I met her, her shoulders seem to relax slightly, dropping down below her ears and her brow un-furrows in relief. 

“When will she wake up Doc?” Stephen asks 

“I'm afraid it really is too early for me to say. We are keeping her heavily sedated, for now, she may have brief moments of consciousness, but it's hard for us to predict what patients are aware of in these situations. We'll give it another 48 hours or so, and if her oxygen levels have improved, perhaps we can see about trying to rouse her.” 

“Thank you, doctor,” Mrs Francis says in a small voice a few minutes later once the doctor has finished giving us her report and leaves the room. 

“I think we'll head back to her flat for a bit, we're both quite exhausted after the journey this morning. Are you planning on staying here again Harry?” Katie's mum asks me as she stands from her chair and starts to gather her things. 

“Yes, I don't plan to leave until she wakes up if I can help it” I assure her as she steps towards me and places a hand on each of my arms. 

“That's very sweet of you, but you just make sure you're taking care of yourself too,” She tells me, looking up into my eyes sternly 

“Yes Ma'am,” I reply, feeling the corners of my mouth twitch up into a smirk, “My Mum said exactly the same thing” 

“Sensible woman. Us Mums always know best” She says, and with that Mr and Mrs Francis head off back to Mel's flat, leaving me alone once again, with only the beeping machines and the steady sound of Katie's short sharp breaths for company.


	71. Chapter 71 - Day three

January 31st   
Harry's perspective   
Flashback

It's payback time I think to myself as I carefully slide my legs out from underneath the bed sheets, trying my hardest not to jostle the bed in any way and wake Katie. Tiptoeing over to my MacBook, I turn the screen purposefully so that the light won't shine on her face and stifle a giggle in my throat, my cheeks stretching almost painfully from the broad smile on my face, as I search through iTunes for the track I want. Ensuring the volume is switched as high as it'll go and that both the Bose speakers on the table are pointing at the bed, I quickly skip past the intro and hit the play button. 

“I just had sex  
And it felt so good (felt so good)  
A woman let me put my penis inside her (her)  
I just had sex (Hey!)  
And I'll never go back (never go back)  
To the not having sex  
Ways of the past”

“Harry what the hell??” Katie's startled voice calls out from the bed and she rolls over on to her back and pulls a pillow over her face to block out the amazing talent of Lonely Island from her newly awakened ears. 

“Ooh no, you don't!” Quick as a flash I jump on to the bed, straddling her and stealing the pillow before joining in with the verse at the top of my lungs and doing as many dance moves as I can manage from my position 

“Have you ever had sex? I have, it felt great!  
It felt so good when I did it with my penis (Pointing to my own crotch)   
A girl let me do it (Point to Katie) It literally just happened  
Having sex can make a nice man of the meanest.   
Never guess where I just came from I had sex (Hip thrust)   
If I had to describe the feeling, it was the best  
When I had the sex, man, my penis felt great (Point to my own penis again)   
And I called my parents right after I was done (Mime phone call)   
Oh hey, I didn't see you there, guess what I just did?   
Had sex, undressed saw her boobies and the rest! (Pull up Katie's top to expose her boobs)   
But sure nice of her to let you do that thing  
Nice of any girl ever! Now sing!” 

It was at this point that Katie's voice interrupted my routine, shouting out loudly over the volume of the music and my own to ask 

“Well, I dunno who you've been off having sex with first thing in the morning, but could you maybe go tell someone else about it please and let me go back to sleep?” She said, frowning up at me, her dark hair splayed out in sharp contrast against the crisp white bed sheets. 

I fain shock and offence, grabbing my chest with both hands, I let myself fall back across her legs until I am flat on my back. My feet beside her face 

“I'm wounded that you would think so little of me!” I shout dramatically as she squirms beneath me, trying to get up to turn the music off. Truth be told, we made love last night before bed, so technically I guess she's right, we haven't 'just had sex' as the next chorus starts, I change up the lyrics to fit our particular situation, finally earning an adorable giggle from my girl 

“I-had-sex-last-niiiggght  
and my dreams came true!”

“Where do you think you're going?” I ask her indignantly, cutting off my fantastic rendition to grab hold of one of her wrists and pull her against my chest as she tries to scramble off the bed. 

“It's too early for this much noise Harry” She groans, burying her face against my bare chest, her soft breaths drifting past one of my many nipples and make me shiver. 

“Excuse me? Aren't you the same woman who woke me up, hung-over I might add, by blasting Disney music at me?” I tease her, placing a finger under her chin to raise her eyes to mine. When I catch sight of the expression on her face a loud barking laugh escapes me. She is staring up at me unhappily from under her eyelashes, her bottom lip stuck out in the most adorable pout I think I've ever seen. 

“Awww I'm sorry baby,” I say insincerely, “Have I made you sad?” Planting large wet kisses on every inch of her skin that I can reach, I hold on to her waist just a little bit tighter as she squirms. 

“HARRY!!!” She yells loudly in my ear just as the song finishes so her voice reverberates around the large room causing me to just laugh harder. 

“You're adorable when you're angry,” I tell her, placing one last kiss on the tip of her button nose

“Hmph. Have you at least got me breakfast? Seeing as how you've woken me so early for NO reason at all?” She pouts

“Well actually... No. But we could go out if you like, my treat?” 

“Damn right it's your treat, you owe me Styles” She chastises me and jumps off the bed, heading to the bathroom. 

“Given that you are clearly wasting away without food, I think we should shower together, to save time, ya know?” I say cheekily, springing to my feet and rushing up behind her before she can lock the door on me like last time. 

“Why am I not convinced that what you have in mind is going to make this process any quicker at all?” She asks me sternly, trying desperately to keep a straight face though, the corners of her mouth are twitching 

“Aww Baby... I just wanna be able to sing the words correctly! That's all! I just had seeexxx” I start to sing again as I chase my now screaming girlfriend into the bathroom and press my lips up against hers to silence her before we jump under the steaming hot shower she lets me put my penis insiiidee herr. 

 

I smile stupidly at the memory for a few moments before being snapped suddenly back to reality. The now familiar beeps of the monitors surrounding Katie continue their mournful tune as my beautiful girl sleeps on, in the too big bed, surrounded by medicines and wires. 

“I miss you, baby, come back to me soon,” I say quietly, placing a soft kiss on her temple. I think for a moment that I see her eyes move, just a little flicker.. But after staring at them intently for a few minutes, I resign myself to the fact that it must have just been a trick of the light. Grabbing my rather battered leather bound notebook, I sit back in the armchair and try and resume the song I was working on before my daydream.


	72. Chapter 72 - Day four

February 1st   
Mel's perspective 

It's so very strange waking up to Mr and Mrs Francis having tea in our kitchen instead of Katie buzzing around, cooking breakfast and singing away to whichever musical soundtrack is flavour of the week. They're lovely people don't get me wrong, but I'm used to being able to strut about the house in my big baggy T-shirts and short shorts that I tend to favour sleeping in and generally coming and going as I please, so it's all a bit weird having to remember to actually get dressed in the mornings before I venture out of my room, and make sure I'm super quiet when I come home at night. 

It's been four days now since Katie's attack, and the doctors said they were going to see about bringing her out of the coma today depending on how she's doing, so, me, Stephen and Claire are all going to head to the hospital shortly and find out what's what. 

Once I've finally managed to make myself presentable, no mean feet without my usual cup of coffee first I don't mind telling ya, I head down the hallway, following the sounds of voices into the kitchen. 

“Good morning Melanie,” Claire says in an almost cheerful voice. I guess that thought that Katie might wake up today has put her in a good mood “Coffee?”

“Thanks that'd be great” I reply, inwardly groaning at her insistence on using my full name no matter how many times I ask her not to. I guess it's a mum thing. 

“We thought it might be nice to take some of Katie's things with us today, just in case she does wake up, would you mind packing a little bag for her? You'll know better than us what she'd like with her” Claire asks

“Sure Mrs F, She had a bag packed when... well that night, so I'll just throw a few extra bits in there for her” I say cheerily and, grabbing my coffee I make my way to Katie's room, glad of the excuse not to have to make small talk when I'm not properly awake. 

The bag Katie had packed to take to Harry's is sat next to her bed, Mr Francis went and retrieved her car yesterday after getting the address from the hospital of where they picked her up from, and he bought the unopened bag back in with him when he returned. Checking the contents, a small box covered in shiny purple wrapping paper catches my eye, along with a card with Harry's name on the front of it, I nearly spill my coffee when my inner directioner rears her ugly head and reminds me that today, is Harry's 24th Birthday. Leaving the gift in the bag, I throw a few extra bits and bobs in and sit down on Katie's bed to finish my coffee, trying to mentally prepare myself for what I am sure is going to be an intense day. 

If I'm completely honest with myself, I know I've been making excuses to get out of having to spend much time in the hospital. It's not that I don't want to see Katie, I just, well I don't want to see her there, lying in that place. I can't reconcile the woman in that bed, covered in wires, with the sweet, caring girl who makes me pancakes whenever I'm hungover and sits watching Disney movies with me till the early hours whenever I've had a bad day. I feel like I'm just in the way sat in the hospital, and I never quite know what to say. I'm naturally a fairly loud and bubbly person, and my go-to response to awkward situations is to crack a joke, but even I know that's not appropriate when your friend is in a coma, so I find myself sitting twiddling my thumbs most of the time, unable to look at her, and trying to work out how I can comfort Harry. 

It's been weird enough trying to adjust to seeing the boy I used to lust after in 1D, the guy who I am used to seeing prancing around on stage singing his heart out with his mates, who seemed to always be loving life, dating my best friend at all. Let alone watching him turn in to the cold, quiet, tearful man who's set up camp in Katie's hospital room and flatly refuses to leave. My heart is aching for him and I want to try and help him through this, but the truth is, we've not spent much time together since he and Katie started seeing each other, and never any time alone, so I've yet to manage to come up with more than a few comforting smiles or a hug. I have learnt that he favours strong black coffee, so I've taken to bringing him one every time I go in, save him having to drink the swill the hospital serves, but that's as close as I've come to being able to make him feel any better. Hardly much of an achievement. 

Zipping Katie's bag closed I throw it over my shoulder and make my way back out to the kitchen to find her parents, before we all bundle into her dads smart jet black Subaru and make the now, very familiar, journey into central London. 

Harry's perspective 

I am woken by an incessant buzzing noise coming from my phone, prising my aching body off of the sofa, I try to stretch out my limbs in the small space, feeling a crick in my neck as I move my head. Urgh, maybe I can convince the nurses to bring another bed in here I think as I make my way over to my phone to see why its nearly vibrating off the table by Katie's bed. 

8 missed calls  
23 new texts

What the... pressing my thumb to the touchpad I quickly unlock my phone and scroll through the missed calls, Mum, Gemma, Jeff, Louis.. what on earth? Why is everyone trying to call me this morning? Mum knows that they might try and wake Katie up today, so that might explain her call, but the others... opening my messages I stare down at the screen for a few seconds, blinking at the long list, every single one starts the same way 

“Happy birthday!” 

A quick glance tells me that there are messages from pretty much all my family, my cousins, aunts and uncles, as well as half a dozen from the few friends who'd be up already this morning. Tossing my phone on to the sofa without bothering to open or respond to a single one of them, I head into the bathroom glumly. There is absolutely nothing at all 'happy' about this birthday, I hadn't even realised what the fucking date was, to be honest, everything in my life is firmly on pause whilst I wait for Katie to recover.

I feel a bit more human by the time I exit the bathroom and decide I best call at least Mum and Gem back. After a quick chat with mum, I dial Gemma's number and wait impatiently for her to pick up. 

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday baby brother... Happy birthday to you!” She sings down the phone without bothering to say hello. Since I've been on the road and we haven't always been able to spend our birthdays together, this has become kind of a tradition between us, but this year I am just not in the mood for it. 

“Thanks, Gem” I mutter down the phone, feeling a bit guilty. I haven't spoken to her much the last few days, the odd text here and there, and as much as she annoys me sometimes, it's nice to hear her voice. 

“How's Katie?” Gem asks now that the birthday formalities are out of the way. 

“The same. They might try and bring her around today though” I tell her, hearing my own voice brighten somewhat at the thought

“Harry that's great! I'm sure you can't wait to have her back. You doing anything else for your big day?” 

“Nope” 

“Aww bro, you can't stay shut up in that hospital 24/7. Katie wouldn't want you to miss out on celebrating. I'm in London today, come and have lunch with me, my treat” Gemma asks in a sing-song voice, clearly trying to cajole me 

“I have to be here when she wakes up Gem,” I say and hear a sigh escape my sisters' lips before she answers me 

“Well, how about breakfast then? I assume they aren't trying to bring her round right now? I can be in Paddington in 20 minutes and can meet you at that little cafe by the station? Plllleeeasseee Harry, I haven't seen you in forever” She whines in that way that only sisters can   
Glancing over at Katie sleeping soundly, I know Gem's right, I know she wouldn't want me to spend my birthday cooped up in here. 

“OK, OK. 20 minutes.” 

“I'll see you then baby bro! Don't be late!” Gem replies before ending the call. 

Twenty-eight minutes later I arrive at the trendy cafe next to the station which is all mismatched furniture and exposed brick walls, and I am relieved to see that it's not too busy yet, just a few businessmen in suits milling about on their way to their offices. I've got a beanie pulled low over my forehead and a member of Jeff's security team follows me discreetly a few paces behind, taking a seat at a table by the window as I make towards Gemma, who has settled herself at a corner table at the back of the cafe. She catches my eye and gives a small wave before returning her attention to the menu in her hands. 

“Hey” I greet her, sliding into the booth opposite her with my back to the rest of the room, flicking the brim of the black beret she is wearing at an angle over her mousy brown hair in the process.

“Hey yourself! Happy 24th birthday! You still don't look any different to how you did at 20... other than the hair of course” she teases me, referring to the fact that at that age, my hair was down to my shoulders as she tugs at a stray strand that has somehow escaped my beanie. 

Tucking it away I fire back “Yeah yeah, you're just jealous that whilst I don't seem to age, your crows feet are becoming more and more noticeable by the hour.” 

We banter like this whilst we eat our breakfast and sip on scalding cups of coffee, as much as I feel guilty for leaving Katie alone, it's nice to get out of the hospital for a bit and have an easy conversation. No matter how long its been since we last saw one and other, Gem and I always fall back in to our easy brother-sister routine of taking the piss and bickering, and after days of trying to make small talk with Katie's mum and dad, its refreshing to just be myself for a while with no pressure to impress anyone. 

After about an hour, the cafe is starting to get busier and I decide its time to make my excuses and disappear before I get spotted, but typically, no sooner have I thought this, than I hear an excited giggle behind me and the voice of a young girl muttering to her friend 

“It IS him I swear! That's his sister, look!” 

“Shit, looks like we've been made little bro,” Gem says quietly, “want me to cause a distraction so you can slip away unnoticed?”

“Nah its ok, no doubt any distraction you manage to come up with will just draw more attention to us, not less. I'm sure I can cope with a few fans... I've been doing this for a while now remember?” I say sarcastically, within moments three girls in their teens appear at the end of our table, all red-faced and giggly, requesting a selfie. 

Thankfully Gem and I manage to escape the cafe without any further interruptions, me gripping the birthday card from her in my hand, which contains tickets to an Eagles gig in LA next summer, and her clutching another weird skinny-two-pump-mocha-coca-latte-thing in a to-go cup. 

“I can't imagine how tough this all is on you Harry, but I know how strong you are. You can get through absolutely anything, I know you can. Keep your chin up ok? And text me later to let me know how Katie is” Gemma says in her best “I'm the eldest so I know best” voice

Stretching my arms out to pull her in for a hug, I relish the feeling of safety as I reply quietly   
“Thanks, Gem, I'll try. And thanks again for the tickets. Overall you aren't the worst sister a guy could have I guess” I tease her and am rewarded by a playful punch on my arm as she steps back from our embrace. 

“Be good baby-bro!” She calls out to me from over her shoulder and she makes her way down Praed Street and is quickly swallowed up by the crowd. 

“Meet me in the hallway  
Meet me in the hallway  
I just left your bedroom  
Give me some morphine  
Is there any more to do?

Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door  
Hoping you'll come around  
Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor  
Maybe we'll work it out  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
And maybe we'll work it out

I walked the streets all day  
Running with the thieves  
'Cause you left me in the hallway  
Give me some more  
Just take the pain away

Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door  
Hoping you'll come around  
Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor  
Maybe we'll work it out  
Gotta get better, gotta get better  
Gotta get better, gotta get better  
Gotta get better, gotta get better  
And maybe we'll work it out

We don't talk about it  
It's something we don't do  
'Cause once you go without it  
Nothing else will do” 

I'm singing softly to Katie when Mel and her parents arrive, it's a become a bit of a habit to pass the time during the long hours we spend alone in this room with nothing to fill the silence. Remembering myself, I stand abruptly to let Mrs Francis sit in the more comfortable armchair and move over to the sofa to allow her to fuss over her daughter. 

“I love that one Harry!” Mel says cheerfully as she enters the room. “Happy birthday by the way” she adds, bending to kiss my cheek. “There's erm, a present and card, in Katie's bag for you, I didn't know if you'd want to open it or not,” She says awkwardly, her eyes flashing quickly over to Katie before focusing back on me and handing me the bag. 

“Er, Thanks Mel, but I think I'll wait till she can give it to me herself,” I mumble, not wanting to draw attention to what day it is in front of Katie's parents and certainly not wanting to open any gifts, especially not from Katie. 

“It's your birthday Harry?” Mrs Francis calls across the room, so much for not drawing attention... I think to myself as I raise my eyes to meet hers, realising as I do, that they are the exact same shade of golden brown as Katie's, swallowing a lump in my throat that rises as I realise this, I nod at her in confirmation 

“You should have mentioned, I would have bought a cake or something..” Mrs Francis says distractedly as she fusses around Katie, straightening the already straight bedsheets

“It's ok, I'll celebrate it properly another time, once Katie's back home. It wouldn't feel right without her” 

Mr Francis nods in my direction and mumbles a happy birthday, before settling himself into his usual chair and pulling out his phone to trawl through various news apps. We've all settled into a bit of a bizarre routine over the last few days, Mrs Francis tends to sit fussing over Katie most of the time whilst she's here, adjusting her pillows and rearranging her hair, whereas Mr Francis seems to prefer to distract himself with his phone. Mel and I tend to sit awkwardly side by side on the small couch, her with her college coursework in her lap and a pen perpetually sticking out from the edge of her mouth as she chews on it, and me with my notebook, scribbling down lyrics and random thoughts to pass the time. 

We all remain in these positions for an hour or more and everyone jumps a little when the doctor clears her throat loudly, I don't think any of us even realised she'd come in.. 

“Hello,” She says with a small smile “I've gone over Katie's notes, and I am satisfied that her condition has improved to the point where keeping her medically sedated is no longer necessary. So we are going to start weaning her off of the medication that's keeping her asleep.” 

“That's great Doc, so, when will she wake up?” Mr Francis asks, pushing back his chair noisily so that the doctor can get past him to the bed

“It's hard to say. She has been heavily sedated for several days now, it could be a couple of hours, it could be that she doesn't wake until sometime tomorrow. But the good news is that she will wake up, in her own time. One of the nurses will be in shortly to adjust her medications” 

“Thank you, doctor,” Mrs Francis says quietly and the doctor nods before leaving the room. 

We spend a quiet afternoon watching Katie intently, looking for any sign that she might be waking up, but so far she remains in the same seemingly peaceful sleep she's been in for days. I can see both her parents getting restless as the oversized plastic clock on the wall ticks by. Each hour seeming to drag by agonisingly slowly. Occasionally one of us will get up and walk around the room a bit, or a nurse will come in to check on Katie and break up the monotony, but most of the afternoon passes by in near silence as we all sit, barely daring to breathe too loud in case she wakes and we don't notice. As the hours pass, the atmosphere gets increasingly tense as our mutual disappointment that she's not woken up yet fills the room. 

By the time the evening rolls around, I am dosing on the sofa fitfully, keeping half an eye on Katie, when Mr Francis' voice breaks the silence

“Well Katie-pants, you've always been one to like a good sleep. I guess you aren't quite ready to come back to us yet.” he says to Katie, using a nickname I'm sure Katie would be mortified to hear, but that I've become accustomed to over the past few days “C'mon Claire, lets head off, visiting hours are almost over” He adds to his wife as he stands from his chair. 

“We'll come back first thing tomorrow Harry, please can you call me if she wakes up before then though? And we'll come straight back” Claire asks me as she makes her way across the room to where I am sprawled out across both seats of the sofa, Mel having left a few hours ago to get to a lecture. 

“Of course. I'll call straight away.” I reassure her, standing quickly as I remember my manners.   
“Thank you” She replies, and to my surprise, she stretches out her short arms towards me, without really thinking about it, I bend my knees slightly and step in to her motherly embrace, she smells of lavender and her thin greying hair floats past my face as I lower my head awkwardly to her shoulder, my already aching back protesting at the movement. 

“Happy birthday Harry,” She says quietly to me as we pull away from one another and she gives me a watery smile. 

“Yeah, Happy birthday,” Stephen says gruffly, extending his hand to shake mine before placing it on his wife's back and leading her from the room.


	73. Chapter 73 - Day Four

February 1st  
Katie's perspective

The red mist descends around me as my bed moves slowly backwards through the dark cave, struggling to pull in each breath, I try and remind myself that it's just a nightmare, it's not real, there's nothing to be scared of. 

Hang on. I'm not normally aware that my nightmares aren't real until after I wake up... There's something different about this one though, the colours are more vivid and I swear I can actually hear the sound of the heart monitor beeping away somewhere in the distance. Straining my ears I can just about make out another sound pushing its way through the thick red fog around me, what is that? Music? Is someone singing? 

“My heart, your heart  
Sit tight like book ends  
Pages between us  
Written with no end  
So many words we're not saying  
Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone  
You make me strong”

Forcing myself to focus in on the low voice seeping into my subconscious, I try and pull myself closer towards it, fumbling through my brain and pushing aside the red mist that seems to be covering everything to try and find its source. 

“I'm sorry if I say, "I need you"  
But I don't care,  
I'm not scared of love  
'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker  
Is that so wrong?  
Is it so wrong  
That you make me strong?”

The voice becomes steadily clearer and I try to open my heavy eyelids, feeling them flicker, once, twice, three times before they finally stay open and I am able to make out my surroundings. I am in a small white room.. the bed beneath me feels hard and uncomfortable... 

“Katie? Baby, can you hear me?” A low voice asks and a face moves in front of my eyes, blinking to try and focus, I stare up at the man, confused, who is he? Where am I? 

I hear the steady beeping from the monitor pick up speed as the panic rises in my chest and another face appears to replace his, this time of a woman with jet black hair. 

“Katie, don't try and talk honey, we had to put a tube in to help you breathe. Now, I need for you to reach up and touch my hand, can you do that for me? Right here, just place your hand on mine” She says softly, she has a kind face.. but why does she want me to touch her hand? Who is she? What's going on? 

Something isn't right. I don't want to touch her hand. I don't want her or the other guy anywhere near me. 

Where am I?!

Harry's perspective

“What's happening??” I ask, my voice full of fear as the beeping from the machine becomes louder and faster by the second. Katie's wide eyes stare up at the nurse in front of her, she looks utterly terrified. 

“That's it, Katie, just reach out and touch my hand” The nurse repeats, but in that instant I see something flash through Katie's eyes... her hand moves faster than I would have thought possible, lashing out and striking the nurses outstretched arm, hard, her nails digging in and scratching the skin drawing blood. 

“Mr Styles, I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside,” the nurse says quickly as I stare unblinkingly down at Katie, her chest is moving up and down unnaturally fast, her eyes still frantically searching around the room, unable to settle on anything. I've never seen anyone look so scared and I can feel my own heart beating frantically against my ribcage. 

“I'm not leaving her!” I shout, and I see Katie flinch away from the too loud sound of my voice, as two other nurses rush into the room and begin to fiddle with the monitors and tubes attached to my girl. One places a hand gently on her shoulder but Katie bats it away as if a giant bug has landed on her or something.

“Mr Styles, please, let us do our job” the nurse pleads with me as she holds a small gauze bandage to her scratched arm. 

Reluctantly I make my way towards the door as yet another person enters the room, this time a doctor in a lab coat, pushing a small trolley along in front of him and nearly knocking into me in their haste. 

“She's in shock.” I hear one of the nurses say

“She's tachycardic. We're gonna have to shock her” the doctor responds, as a nurse beside him peels white pieces of paper away from large silvery pads and begins pressing them to Katie's chest. 

I try to catch Katie's eye, wanting to calm her somehow, but as I look over at her, her eyes roll back in her head and her neck cranes sharply as her body bucks off the bed. As the door falls shut in front of me, I feel my legs give way and I sink to the floor next to the confused security guard and put my head in my hands.


	74. Chapter 74 - Day Five

February 2nd   
Mel's perspective

Last night was one of the most, no scratch that, it was the most horrible night I have ever had to live through. Ben and I were curled up in my bed watching some stupid movie about superheroes when Harry's text came through at nearly 1 am telling us that we needed to get back to the hospital, I assumed that Katie had woken up and that he was just letting us know as he had promised he would. Now I realise that there were no words he could have typed that could possibly have prepared me for what Stephen, Claire and I were greeted by when we entered the ICU. Having seen the state of him when we arrived, I am not entirely sure how he managed to send a text at all. 

Sitting, straight-backed on the old faded sofa, Harry didn't so much as look up as we walked into the room, his red-rimmed eyes looked sore and tired as he stared resolutely at the wall, twisting the small purple covered present I had taken to the hospital earlier around in his large hands. 

Katie was lying prone in the bed, she had been intubated again and seemed to be sleeping just as peacefully as she had been every other day that we had been here. So why had Harry summoned us back? Confused, Mr and Mrs Francis went off in search of a doctor, whilst I made my way to Harry's side and took a seat on the sofa next to him. 

“Harry,” I said quietly “Harry what happened?” 

He didn't so much as glance in my direction and at first, I wondered if he had heard me at all, he just continued to stare, unseeing, at the opposite wall. 

“Harry?” I repeated more gently this time, placing a hand on his leg to try and get his attention. Turning his head, he stared at me with those big green eyes in confusion, as if he'd only just registered that I was there, but no words left his lips. After a few moments, he simply turned his gaze away and continued to twirl the present around in his fingers. 

As if Harry's mute state wasn't worrying enough, it took over half an hour for Katie's parents to return, and when they did, Mrs Francis just walked solemnly to her daughters bedside and began to brush the hair out of her face, fanning it out on to the soft white pillow behind her head. Looking to Stephen for an explanation, I rose and made my way over to his side as he explained what had happened. 

“They said it was some sort of Psychosis, brought on by the medicine and the trauma... not unheard of apparently. She woke up but she was in a right state, hitting the nurses, not seeming to recognise anyone. Ended up giving herself another asthma attack.. a bad one by all accounts” Stephen relayed to me in a monotone voice, sounding completely detached from the situation, he could have been telling me about the weather for all the emotion in his voice, as his words sunk in, I realised this was his way of coping. 

“They had to shock her heart again. To get it beating right. Doc says after that, she just went back to sleep.” 

“She's not sedated?” I asked him confused 

“No. This is all her now.” He said, gesturing towards the bed 

“What does that mean? I mean, what can they do?” I questioned, hearing my voice rise several octaves as I spoke. 

“They're helping her all they can. But it means we just have to wait. Wait and see” He said, turning from me and making his way over to join his wife, who buried her head in his chest the moment he was close enough and began to sob quietly into his checked flannel shirt. 

Harry's perspective

I don't know how long they stayed for. But it was still dark when Mel wrapped her arms around my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me as they said goodbye. Mechanically I connected my arms around her waist and held her for a moment, feeling her tears seep through the thin fabric of my T-shirt, leaving a dark moist patch behind.

Gazing out of the window into the dark winter night, I watch the rain falling down in icy sheets, caught in the orange glow of a nearby street light, illuminated briefly as it drops to the dark grey concrete beneath. 

I listen to the thunder in the distance. Counting the minutes before the flashes of lightning hit, trying to work out how far away the storm is like Gem and I used to do when we were little. 

Doctors and Nurses come and go. Stopping only for a moment to scribble notes on to the silver clipboard resting at the foot of Katie's bed, or adjust one of the bags of medication hanging from the tall metal stands behind the bed. After a couple of attempts, they stop bothering to try and speak to me. 

I watch as a man in a long trench coat huddles under a bus stop trying to escape the rain, wringing his hands together and blowing into them to try and ward off the cold as the early morning mist hangs low in the air. 

I don't remember when I started singing. Just the twinge in my dry throat sometime after the sun came up that forced me to gulp down some water. 

And Katie, Katie sleeps on.


	75. Chapter 75 - Day Eight

5th February  
Mel's perspective 

“Alright alright, I'm coming! Keep your shirt on” I call out to whoever the hell is pounding their first against the front door as I pull my dressing gown around my shoulders and make my way down the hallway, the house seems deserted, I guess Mr and Mrs Francis have gone to the hospital already, leaving me to be woken at this ungodly hour by whatever twat is trying to break down my front door. 

Ok, so ungodly may be an exaggeration, I think as I pass the large old-fashioned clock in the hall that tells me it's nearly 10 am, but after getting next to no sleep for the last week, I was finally enjoying a lovely dream where I was given free reign to purchase whatever shoes I wanted in a high-end store, I was just in the middle of trying on the most perfect pink stilettos when I was rudely awoken.. so I am not impressed with this interruption at all. 

Throwing open the door I bite back the next nasty comment on my lips and rub my eyes stupidly as I look into the eyes of the man on the step. I must still be dreaming... 

“Alright love, you must be Mel” a thin man with blue eyes and messy light brown hair greets me. 

I watch dumbfounded, as he takes a long drag on the cigarette between his fingers before stubbing it out on a nearby overturned plant pot 

“Reckon I can come in?” He asks in a familiar northern accent

“S-s-sure” I mumble and step back to let him cross the threshold into the flat. “Your... Louis Tomlinson” I inform him stupidly, just in case he didn't already know. 

“Well spotted love” He drawls as he steps inside and pushes the door closed behind him. 

I don't normally get starstruck, that's Katie's area of expertise, but Louis has always been my favourite and my inner directioner has passed out cold in the back of my brain, the other aspects of my personality are fanning her with their hands trying to rouse her, being no help to me at all as I desperately try and form a coherent thought. 

“Erm, so Hi!” I squeak in an unnaturally high voice, clearing my throat, I try again “Not that I don't enjoy having random members of One Direction turn up at my flat, but.. why are you at here?” I ask thankful that my voice is now coming out at a normal pitch. 

“Get a lot of us do ya? Must be annoying. Especially when it's that tall, green-eyed git. Who incidentally, is the reason I'm here, sort of. I've been calling him for days but the idiot won't pick up. I just wanted to know how Katie's doing, so I thought fuck it, and came round” 

Giggling slightly at his jibes at Harry, I lead him through to the kitchen. “Well, that kind of creates more questions than it answers to be honest, Tea?” I ask and he nods in assent. “Why didn't you just go to the hospital? Not that it's not great to meet you and all but, to be honest, I'd have rather have done it when I'm dressed” I say gesturing down to my fluffy blue robe and Lilo and Stitch slippers “Shit, not done it. I'm not suggesting we are doing it, I meant meeting you would be better when I'm dressed. I'm just going to stick my head in the oven... Stop talking Mel..” I ramble like a complete crazy person, turning my back on him to flick the kettle on and hide my reddening face. 

Quick as a flash Louis' well known smart mouth fires back at me “Katie said you were funny, didn't mention you were crazy though, would have been handy to know that before turning up at your door...” He teases, shooting him a look of utter horror over my shoulder I decide it's probably best to not open my mouth again until I can be sure it won't betray me and busy myself finding tea bags. 

“Anyways, figured the hospital probably have rules and that, and wouldn't let me in, I had the address after dropping Katie back here the other night after all that shit with her ex, so I thought it would just be easier to pop round.” Louis continues after a brief silence. 

Taking a deep breath I finally find the courage to speak again “It's really sweet of you to worry about her, I wanted to thank you by the way, for being there for her the other night, I should never have left her in that club” I feel my face fall as the guilt I feel over that night comes rushing back, overriding my current embarrassment. I didn't even get chance to talk to Katie about it properly before she got sick and it's playing on my mind that if I'd just stayed with her, all this could have been avoided. 

“You weren't to know love. So, how is she?” Louis asks as I hand him his tea and gesture for him to take a seat at the battered old kitchen table. 

“The doctors say she's doing better. She's breathing for herself now and they've removed some of her tubes and things. They think she's out of danger and that she should wake up any time, but after the other night, no ones quite sure what state she'll be in when she does” I admit taking a sip of my tea and trying to stop the various One Direction songs that are playing through my head on a loop so that I can concentrate. The pedals down my eyes are closed... no control! 

“The other night?” Louis questions and I quickly filled him in on Katie scaring us all half to death when she last woke up. “Shit. That must have been.. tough” He says seeming to struggle to find a word to describe the impossible situation 

“Yeah, it was. Worse for Harry though I think, he was there alone with her when it happened. He's been a complete mess since barely says a word. He only leaves her side when the Nurses make him so they can change the bedding and all that. I'm not surprised he's not been answering his phone” I say unhappily. 

“I can't even imagine... Do you reckon, if I went up there, if he won't come out and talk to me, they might let me in to see him?” he asks me, as he places his now empty mug on the table, I make a mental note never to wash it.. Louis frigging Tomlinson just drank out of my Pink Cinderella mug... 

“Mel?” His low voice interrupts my thoughts and I pull myself together, sitting up a bit straighter in my chair, I try and behave like an actual human being 

“Erm, well, Katie's parents are in charge of who's allowed in during visiting hours, and I'm sure they wouldn't mind. None of us really know what to do with Harry to be honest, he could use a friend” It feels weird to be telling someone who used to be by Harry's side 24/7 that he could use a friend, but its hardly Louis' fault that Harry won't answer his phone and admit it himself. 

“Alright then. That settles it, I'll head over there. Are you headed that way? D'you want a lift?” He asks kindly, smiling at me over the table. 

“That'd be great actually if you don't mind, can you give me a few minutes to get changed?” I ask 

“You're not feeling the Stitch slippers and dressing gown is the proper attire for the hospital?” He teases me with a wink making me giggle. 

“Haha, not today no. I'll be right back” I say and dash off down the hallway to my room. The minute the bedroom door is closed I can't help but break into a mini version of my happy dance, throwing my arms above my head I twirl around in a circle, careful not to make the slightest bit of noise. Louis frigging Tomlinson in my kitchen. Wow. 

When we pull up outside the hospital, I take a couple of seconds to send a quick text to Katie's dad while Louis parks the car, asking him to put Louis name on the visitors' list and explaining he's a friend of Harry's. He replies practically straight away, as I figured he would, he's always got his phone in his hands, telling me he'll sort it out now. I watch confused, as Louis pulls a hat down low on his forehead and shoves a pair of sunglasses over his eyes despite the fact that it's grey and overcast outside. 

“I don't think Hazza would thank me for calling attention to myself here, do you?” He says by way of explanation at my quizzical look as he hops out of his Range Rover, which is almost identical to Harry's, did they get some kind of two for one special? I wonder to myself idly as we make our way to the hospital and towards the elevator that will take us up to ICU. 

 

Harry's perspective 

“I'm not staying here long,” I tell Louis firmly, as we walk through the front door to my house. I couldn't quite believe it when his familiar face appeared in Katie's hospital room this morning with Mel, I'd been dodging his calls for a few days, not feeling up to being social, and I figured he'd be pissed, but I didn't expect him to search out Mel and turn up with her. 

After an hour or so of trying, Louis finally convinced me to at least come home for long enough to have a shower and change my clothes, pointing out that, I wasn't exactly looking my best and throwing in some jibes about the lengthy stubble on my cheeks. Reluctantly, I eventually agreed, more to shut him up than anything else, and allowed him to drive me back here. 

I have to admit that the clothes I had Toby drop off at the hospital a few days ago after I went through the supply I had in my to-go bag, were running dangerously low and that it would probably be nicer for Katie if she didn't wake up to her boyfriend looking like hell. Dumping my bag in the hallway I mumble to Louis to make himself at home and head up the stairs for a shower. 

“Ah, there's the annoyingly pretty boy we all know and love” Louis teases as I join him in the lounge where he is sat on the edge of the sofa playing Fifa on the PlayStation. 

“Har Har. You happy now? Can we head back?” I ask him, not in the mood to banter. 

“Mate, I am in the game of my life. Down by 3 against Inter Milan and there's only 20 minutes left on the clock. Make yourself useful” He says, tossing me a controller which I catch more out of habit than a desire to play. When you've spent as much time as we have on stage, having everything from Bra's and sex toys to flowers and teddy bears thrown at you, you develop good reflexes. 

Resigned I flop heavily onto the sofa next to Lou and join the game, half-heartedly running my players around the edge of the action without making any real attempt to join in. After a few minutes, Louis hit's the pause button and turns to face me. 

“Hazza, Mel will call you the second there is any change, fuck if you'd spoken to me the way you did to her before we left, I'd be scared for my life if I didn't do as I was told,” He says sarcastically in his Donny accent. “You've been at that hospital for what? A week? Longer? You're gonna be no fucking use to Katie if you can't pull yourself together. You need to chill.” He finishes strongly, looking me straight in the eyes. 

For a moment, I find myself wistfully wishing it had been Niall or Liam I'd invited to my new years eve party so that it would have been one of them that Katie called in the middle of the night for help. Liam's always been the most sympathetic of the four of us, five if you count Zayn, he's always been the one I could go to with any problem and know he'd sit and talk to me for as long as I needed, without judgement. Nialler is so laid back he's practically horizontal and I know he wouldn't push me to stay here longer than I'd like. But Louis... well, Lou is the one we all know will tell us how it is, regardless of whether or not we want to hear it, and will drag us up by our ankles and put us all in our places. 

Ok, so maybe Lou is the guy I need right now... I admit to myself as I finally send one of my players towards the ball, passing it to one of Lou's and listening to him swear loudly as he misses a wide-open goal. Sitting in the hospital isn't doing me or Katie any good. And I do feel better for having had a shower and shave. I'm sure Mel will call if there's any change. 

“Remember when we were on that flight to Oz? To Melbourne or somewhere, and you and Nialler had had that barney the night before and were refusing to speak to one and other?” Louis asks me, his eyes still glued to the tv screen. 

“Yeah” I mumble as I tackle one of the opposing team and earn my player a yellow card. 

“That's the last time I can remember you being so quiet.” He says as the ref blows his whistle to signal the end of the match. We lost 3-2. “Look, mate, I can't imagine how hard all these shits been, but despite what you think, I am capable of listening” He adds turning towards me and placing his controller on the seat beside him. 

“There's nothing to say, Mel's already told you everything we know,” I reply, frustrated. Talking about this isn't going to change the situation, what's the point? 

“Well, kinda yeah, but what she's not told me is why? Why did this happen? What caused the attack in the first place?” Lou questions, his eyebrows furrowing together. 

“Oh. er. She got a chest infection when we came back from LA, they reckon it got worse after, well after that night when she was walking around in the snow” I tell him, swallowing heavily at the memory of the doctor asking Mel and I a hundred questions about Katie's recent activities when she was first admitted to the hospital. “The doctor said stress can also effect asthma..” I finish quietly 

“So that prick did this? When he fucked up her car and left her walking around in the freezing cold in the middle of the night?” Louis growls in a low voice

“Looks like.” I shrug. I don't trust myself to focus on this subject for too long, if I do, I'll end up getting Michaels address from Jeff and going over there.. and there's no scenario in which that ends well. “She was already sick though” I add quietly, seeing the fire behind Lou's usually bright blue eyes and wanting to defuse the situation. 

“Fuck. I wish she'd called me sooner, I'd have decked the prick if he'd still been there once I arrived” he says angrily

“I should have been there” I hear myself admitting out loud for the first time since all this happened. “If I hadn't have gone on that stupid fucking date, Katie wouldn't have dumped me and she wouldn't have gone out that night, then none of this would have ever happened” Putting my head in my hands, I rake my fingers through my damp hair, Lou's hand reaches out and rests on my shoulder. 

“You've got to stop beating yourself up for that. Katie forgave you didn't she? You've got to forgive yourself. Come on, one last game and we'll head back eh?”

By the time we've played another two games, we won the second causing Lou to insist on a tiebreaker as we couldn't leave it as a draw, the familiar, easy back and forth between Lou and I have left me feeling considerably lighter than I have done in days, not to mention that I feel cleaner after the shower. Louis drops me back at the hospital and makes me promise to phone him when Katie wakes up as we say our goodbyes, and I walk back into the ICU to find Mel, Stephen and Claire exactly how I left them. 

Walking over to Katie's bed I gaze down at my beautiful girl, without the intubation tubes it almost looks like she could just be sleeping, the only obstruction on her perfect face is a small clear tube positioned by her nostrils for a little extra oxygen. I place a soft kiss against her lips and feel a smile stretch across my own at the tiny fire that ignites deep in the pit of my belly at the feel of her lips pressed against mine, even unmoving, she still provokes the same feelings that have rushed through me every single time I've kissed her since the day we met. “Come back to me soon baby, I miss you”


	76. Chapter 76

7th February   
Harry's perspective

“I told you once,  
And I'll tell you again  
I'm a mess without you” 

Yeah, that works. I think to myself, singing the lyrics aloud for the first time since I jotted them in my notepad days ago, the verses still need some work... but I think that's the hook sorted at least. Tossing my notepad on to the sofa next to me, I stand up and stretch my aching back. For the last couple of nights, I've taken to making up a makeshift bed on the floor out of the cushions instead of contorting myself into ever more uncomfortable positions on the tiny sofa, I swear it's actually shrunk since I've been here. 

Glancing at the date on my phone I realise today is day ten, how is that even possible? In some ways, it feels like Katie has been sleeping forever, like this has been my life for so long that I barely know anything else. But in other ways, it feels like just yesterday that I last heard her laugh, held her in my arms, made love to her. 

A buzzing noise interrupts my thoughts as the phone in my hand starts to vibrate “Jeff Calling” brags the screen as it flashes. I know I should answer it, I've been dodging his calls for nearly a week now. But.. after the way he's always treated Katie, the disrespect he's shown me lately, I just can't bring myself to play nice with him. Ignoring him has seemed better than having a slanging match down the phone whilst my tempers been so high. 

Since Louis' visit the other day though, I have been feeling considerably calmer, the doctors continue to assure me daily that, physically at least, Katie is ok, and that it's just a matter of time until she wakes up now, and, although I wish she'd hurry up about it already, my heart feels lighter for their reassurance. Sighing, I slide the answer button on my iPhone and hold the device to my ear. 

“Hey Jeff,” I say by way of greeting, trying to keep my tone light

“H! Dude I've been so worried, been having to bug the security team for updates as you've not been answering my calls,” he says, but there is no trace of anger in his voice, only a slight tinge of regret. 

“Sorry, I've not really felt up to talking” I admit “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, of course, I'm fine. How are you though? I spoke to Louis the other day, he said he'd been to see you?” Jeff questions

“Yeah, he turned up a couple of days ago and dragged me home for a shower and some Fifa. It was good, I needed the break” 

“How do you feel about taking another one? I kinda wanted to talk to you about something, but I'd rather not do it over the phone” 

“Er, well, I don't really want to go far..” I begin by Jeff cuts me officially

“Oh I know, Which is why I've come to you, I'm just at Paddington station now” 

“Oh!” I say, surprised, I wasn't expecting him to have actually made the journey here, to be honest, I thought he was in the States this week “I thought you were in LA?” I question, confused. 

“Well I was, but I had some business to take care of in town, so I'm back for a couple of days. What do you say? Coffee?” 

I take a moment to ponder Jeff's request, as a general rule we aren't the 'getting coffee' sort of mates, normally our social interactions are more based around an activity, like the gym or a boxing session, more often than not, a club. But it's clear he wants to speak to me and after dodging his calls for so long, it's probably the least I can do. As much as I don't want to leave Katie, it's nearly afternoon visiting hours, and her parents will be here soon, so she won't be alone... 

“Ok, give me an hour ok and I'll meet you in the cafe just outside the station” I agree

“No worries H, see you then!” Jeff says and rings off. 

Once Katie's mum and dad have arrived and we've gone through our daily pleasantries, I make my way over to the small cafe that Gem and I had lunch in on my birthday, as its the middle of a dreary Thursday afternoon, the cafe is practically deserted, Jeff is sat in a small table opposite the counter, keeping my head bowed so as to not attract attention to myself, I slip in to the hard-backed wooden chair opposite him and reach out a hand to shake his in greeting. 

“It's good to see you dude,” He says in a low drawl, grasping my hand in both of his hand pumping it twice. “How are you holding up?” 

I hesitate a moment before answering, searching his eyes for any sign of discomfort or ambivalence, but, seeing only sympathy and concern, I answer honestly 

“I've been better, but given I am the one awake and walking around, I really shouldn't complain. How are things with you?” 

“Good, good yeah. Look, H. I know that when it comes to your relationship with Katie I've.. well I've been a bit of a dick” He admits, looking down at the table and playing with a napkin idly.

“A bit?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him

“Yeah, alright, I fucked this one up, big time. But, I'm hoping maybe this might make up for it a bit” He says and produces a thick white envelope from his jacket pocket, placing it on the red and white chequered tablecloth covering the space between us. 

Taking in the design I cringe slightly as I recall a suit I wore to a radio interview with Nick months ago when I was promoting the album, he'd said at the time it looked like a tea- towel.. but in reality, it actually closely resembles the cloth in front of me now. Have to remember to move that one to the back of my closet, I think to myself as I stretch out my hand to examine the plain white envelope. 

Sliding my hand into the unsealed opening, I pull out several pieces of paper and unfolding them, see an awful lot of legal jargon but three words at the very top of the first sheet stand out “Non-Disclosure Agreement”. Scanning over the words I can see that its the standard contract that Jeff has handed out to a few on my past.. let's call them indiscretions, to ensure that my private life stays that way and that they don't decide to run off and sell their, or more accurately, our stories to the papers. I'm unsure why Jeff thinks this is going to fix things between us though if he thinks for one minute I'm going to ask Katie to sign this... 

Sensing my unhappiness Jeff quickly interrupts my reading

“No, no, it's not what you think dude, flip to the last page.” He says quickly and reaches over to start turning over the pages in my hand until he comes to the very last one, leaning right over the table, he points to the signatures on the bottom, weird, I think, it's already been signed... 

“Signed: Michael Price?” I say feeling my eyebrows shoot up as I take in the printed name under the signature “Fuck! How did you..?” I stutter, unable to quite believe what I am seeing, I look up to meet Jeffs' eyes and see him smiling back at me. 

“I'm not just a pretty face after all eh? Let's just say that it took some convincing, but that prick won't be coming near you, or Katie again.” 

“Jeff... I don't know what to say” I say honestly, amazed and ecstatic as I flip through the document again “I didn't think there was a chance in hell he'd agree to sign one of these!” I admit

“Well, he wouldn't have done, until recently. See, I told you that I spoke to Louis, what I didn't tell you was that he filled me in on what that.. that... “ 

“Bastard? Wanker? Arsehole?” I supply for him when he fails to find the right word

“All of the above. Anyways when Lou explained what he did, and told me that part of the reason Katie was so sick was because of him, well lets just say I made it clear to him that either he could sign this, or I'd make damn sure he ended up having to do some serious time for his actions” Jeff almost growls 

“Could you do that?” I ask, surprised

“Ha! No! But he doesn't know that, does he? I got him scared enough that he believed that I could and that's the main thing.” Jeff chuckles, taking the papers back from me and sliding them into the envelope. 

“So that's it? He's gone?” I say quietly, unable to grasp the gravity of the situation and what a relief it will be for Katie when she wakes up, that I can tell her she'll never have to worry about him again

“Yep. That's it. Of course, he demanded a small monetary compensation as well,” Jeff states, rolling his eyes “But it's all taken care of. And this baby is iron-clad. He breaks a single term in here and he will end up in jail, that I promise you” he finishes, patting his hand against the jacket pocket that he has returned the envelope to with a look of pride on his face

“Jeff... I don't know what to say. Thank you. seriously, this is the best thing anyone could possibly do for us” I say sincerely, feeling tears prick the back of my eyes. 

"No need, dude, no need. Consider it a long overdue apology" Jeff says sheepishly, raising his dark eyes to meet mine and I nod in acceptance.

As I walk back into the hospital just as visiting hours are finishing that evening, I feel lighter than I have done in weeks. He's gone, he's fucking gone. He can't hurt her anymore. Yes! I've been away from the hospital longer than I'd have liked really, as Jeff convinced me to stay in the cafe for an early dinner, and, after living off the hospital cafeteria food and whatever take away Mel's been able to smuggle in for me, I am glad of a decent meal for a change. I've only got a few weeks before the tour starts up again and it is going to take some serious hours in the gym to get myself in shape for it. 

I'm also glad that things between Jeff and I are ok again, it's been shit having to deal with all this without my friend by my side, and to be honest, the last thing I wanted to have to worry about once Katie's up and about, other than Michael, was Jeff upsetting her, so its a relief to know that, finally, he's on our side and that he's managed to take away my two biggest worries in one hit.

Claire and Stephen are just leaving as I approach Katie's room, I decide not to tell them about the NDA, to be honest, I've got no idea how much, if anything Katie has divulged to them about her and Michaels relationship, and I know it's not my place to get involved, so I settle for just receiving a quick update on my girls condition – no change – before we say our goodbyes. 

Once I'm settled in to my usual evening position in the armchair next to Katie's bed, her small hand resting on top of my larger one, my rose ring drooping on her too small finger, I send Lou a quick text to tell him the good news, knowing he'll be just as pleased as I am that that prick if out of Katie's life, once and for all. Before picking up my notepad and continuing to work on the song I was writing before Jeff called earlier. 

Re-reading the lyrics to the verses, I make a few small changes, almost managing to rip the page at one point as I struggle to balance the book on my lap and make notes single-handedly, unwilling to take my hand away from my girls. Once or twice, as I seem to do every night, I think I feel Katie's fingers twitching on my palm, but I barely even look up to check, convinced at this point that it's just my imagination. 

“Watching you lie... no wait that's not right, Watching you laying... lay? there... My heart is torn in two..” I sing the first couple of lines to myself, adjusting the melody and trying it in a couple of different keys, I wish I had my guitar here, I always find it easier to write when I have an instrument in my hands, and I want to get this one just right, this ones important, I think to myself as I sing the line again. 

Katie's perspective

“Watching you lay there  
My heart is torn in two” 

Hmmm, I love listening to him sing... I don't think I ever truly appreciated what a great voice he really has when listening to countless One Direction CD's with my niece, maybe it was her constant off-key singing, drowning out his that stopped me from appreciating it before. I started to realise how talented he really is when Mel started playing me his solo album, over and over and over again, telling me it was important that I learnt all the words before we went off to his concert in October, she didn't want me to be the only person in the pit not singing along to every word I guess. 

Slowly, I realise that my eyes are closed, am I dreaming? Maybe I had a nightmare and Harry is singing me back to sleep like he always does? 

No, that's not right. There's something lurking at the back of my head, and I try and pull it to the forefront, I feel like its important that I remember.. 

Suddenly it rushes back to me in a flood. 

Driving to Harry's.. being unable to breathe.. my inhalers running out... knocking on the door.. the images zoom past my eyes so fast they are almost a blur. 

Red mist.. someone singing... I didn't want to touch her hand.. kind green eyes... 

I feel my eyes shoot open in fear as I remember what happened, clenching my hands into fists at my sides. 

“Harry?” I croak.


	77. Chapter 77

Katie's perspective 

“Harry?” I croak in the general direction of the bundle of fluffy mess of brown curls that are bowed over in concentration to my right, staring at something in his lap intently. My voice doesn't seem to want to work, and the sound that comes out is little more than a whisper, but somehow he manages to hear me. His head snapping up and his remarkable green eyes lock with mine, making my breath catch in my throat. 

I watch as his eyes fill with tears as he looks at me, overflowing in an instant and running down his perfectly structured cheekbones as he pushes himself up from the chair, whatever it was he had in his lap hits the ground with a dull thud, but he doesn't seem to care. He closes the space between us in the blink of an eye and before I know it he's leaning down over me, a huge smile spreading across his plump lips, in complete contrast to the tears streaming down his face. 

I run my tongue over my lips in preparation for the kiss I expect to hit me at any moment, but there doesn't seem to be a drop of moisture in my mouth, swallowing uncomfortably I flick my eyes around quickly in search of water, spotting a jug a small plastic table nearby. I turn back to Harry to request some and it's only then that I realise that he has stopped moving, his lips haven't come crashing down on to mine as I expected them to, rather he hovers, looking incredibly uncomfortable, supporting himself on one arm as he leans over me, his eyes flicking between my own, and the steadily beeping machine behind me, a look of fear stretching over his features. 

“Katie” He says in a small, timid voice

“Yes Harry?” I croak back, raising my eyebrows in confusion... It takes me a few moments to realise why he's being so cautious with me. The last time I woke up, I wasn't exactly myself... 

I remember being utterly confused, and scared, more scared than I can ever recall being before. I remember the woman with the short dark hair reaching out to me, wanting me to touch her hand but, for some reason I positive that she wanted to hurt me.. an image of my own hand lashing out at her flashes before my eyes, and a shudder runs through me at the memory. I have a vague recollection of someone else being in the room with us, only, was it Harry? There was a man here, that I'm sure of, but when I search through my mind to bring up a face, all that returns is a blurry outline. 

“Baby, I'm going to call the doctor in ok?” Harry says warily as he straightens himself up and starts to walk away from me, I try and reach out a hand to grab him, to keep him with me, I don't want him to leave... but my arm doesn't seem to want to move. It's like that feeling you get when you've slept in a funny position and wake up with no control over your limb? Only its not just one of my limbs, but all of them. By the time I have managed to raise my arm few inches, Harry has already gone, leaving nothing but a swinging white glass panelled door behind him. 

Looking around the small white-walled room, I try and take in my surroundings. I'm in a hospital, that much I'm fairly certain of. But, how long have an I been here? A day or two? Longer? I don't remember feeling like this last time... I wish Harry would come back so I can ask him. 

Feeling the panic rising in my chest as a million questions flood my mind, I close my eyes and take several deep breaths, relieved to not feel any resistance from my lungs as the air flows into them. I focus all my energy into just my right hand, concentrating hard, bending each of my fingers in turn, it takes some effort, but after a few tries, I manage to clench my fist, feeling each and every one of my muscles protesting the movement. I start to repeat the same action with my left as the door swings back open and a tall, balding man in a white lab coat marches through with Harry at his heels. 

“Well Miss Francis, it's good to have you back with us,” He says, flashing me a kind smile. 

Back? Where did I go? I wonder as I hear myself automatically correcting the man, who I assume is a doctor, unless this is a really strange fancy dress party...

“Katie” I mumble. 

“I guess I don't have to ask if you know who you are eh?” The doctor chuckles at my correction “I'm just going to check you over Katie ok? Firstly, can you reach out and touch my hand?” 

As the doctor holds up his hand in line with my right shoulder, I catch sight of Harry standing behind him, his face is ashen and he stiffens at the doctors' words, his body rigid with fear... the blurry man from my memories must have been him.. I scared him. He's still scared of me now and is clearly wondering how I am going to react to the doctors' simple request. 

Slowly I begin to raise my hand, followed by my wrist.. elbow.. but once its a few inches off of the bed and no longer supported by the hard mattress, my entire arm starts to shake uncontrollably, like it has a mind of its own, I fight it for as long as I can, desperately trying to reach out touch the doctors outstretched hand, but it's too difficult and my arm falls back down on to the bed uselessly with a soft thud. Bugger. 

“That's ok Katie, don't you worry. How about we start with something a little easier? Do you know where you are?” the doctor asks me with a small smile 

“Hospital?” I croak, assuming that fancy dress party isn't the correct answer and that now probably isn't the best time to be a smart arse.

“Correct. That's great Katie. Now, can you tell me who the gentleman standing behind me is?” he questions, pointing his thumb at Harry 

“Harry” I whisper, gazing up into his apple green eyes, I feel a shy smile spreading over my lips, and watch as an identical one stretches across Harry's face, causing his dimple to pop, typically, a bout of coughing interrupts our moment though. Between splutters I manage to gasp “Water” remembering my dry throat which is now burning slightly. After looking to the doctor for permission, Harry jumps up to fetch me a drink, he is by my side again in moments, a small plastic cup in his hand with a yellow straw poking out the top. Leaning towards me slowly, he places the straw between my parched lips and I swallow greedily, draining the cup in seconds. I pull a face when the liquid stops flowing into my mouth and a strange noise emits from the straw when all that's left for me to suck up is air. I glance at Harry quickly, silently pleading with him for more, but the doctor places a restraining hand on Harry's arm 

“Let's just take things slowly ok? See if you can keep that down for a few minutes, then Harry will get you some more” the doctor says in an authoritative voice and although I know there's no point arguing with him, I feel myself pouting like a child as Harry moves the cup away from me with a regretful look on his face. If I were able to move, I'd be crossing my arms over my chest and stomping my feet about now. 

“I'm going to go and ask the nurse to come in and perform a few more checks ok Katie? And I best call your parents too, I'm sure they'll be happy to hear your back!” 

There it is again. Why does he keep saying that? I've not been anywhere! As much as I wouldn't say no to a nice holiday right now... I'm exhausted and my mind feels.. strange, sort of fuzzy, like I've had a few drinks which, judging by my still parched throat, really isn't the case. 

“In the meantime, I am sure you have a lot of questions, most of which Harry will no doubt be able to answer. He's barely left your side since you joined us” The doctor adds, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder for a moment and giving him a little nod before heading out of the perpetually swinging door. 

“Thank you, doctor,” Harry says before turning back to me and reaches out his hand to cup my cheek. 

“Katie” he whispers softly, his warm breath, minty fresh for the chewing gum he perpetually seems to have in his mouth wafts over me and I breathe in the familiar scent. I desperately want to throw my arms around his neck and pull him to me, I want him to hold me and tell me everything's going to be ok, to kiss away the tears that are welling back up in his eyes, I hate seeing him in pain. But my useless body doesn't want to cooperate right now and I have to settle for nuzzling my face into his large hand as the tears begin to fall silently down his cheeks again. 

“Don't cry” I beg him quietly, feeling my own tears start to fall. Before I can try and say anything more though, he closes the small gap between us and presses his lips gently against mine.

The fire in my belly ignites instantly, as if the glowing embers have just been lying dormant, waiting for him to come along and stoke them. Our lips press together in a chaste, but perfect kiss, my bottom lip cradled between his top and bottom ones as our mouths meld together. As we pull apart, both panting slightly from the intensity, Harry leans his forehead against mine 

“God, I love you so much” 

“Love you too,” I say quietly, pleased that he's close enough to make out my croaky whispers

Pulling back, Harry takes my face in both of his hands, running the pads of his large thumbs softly over my cheeks to brush away my tears, he stares at me an says earnestly “I was so scared, I thought I'd lost you. I'm so glad you're back baby”

“Harry?” I ask softly as he places a soft kiss on my forehead. 

“Yes, baby?”

“Why does everyone keep saying I'm back? Did I go somewhere?” I ask in a small, childlike voice

Cautiously, as if he's scared his words are going to break me, Harry starts to tell me what happened to me the night I finished work and climbed into my car to drive to see him. 

I remember being full of childish excitement, like a kid waking up on Christmas day, at the thought of getting back to him after a long day. I remember blasting one of Mels one direction CD's and singing at the top of my lungs until I started coughing and had to pull over to find my inhaler. I vaguely remember thinking I needed to get out of the car and get help... reaching a door? Was there a Rose? But after that, there are just bits and pieces. 

“I wish you'd called me darling” Harry says regretfully as he perches himself on the edge of my bed and lifts one of my heavy hands in his, as he does so, I notice something large and silver sparkly against the harsh fluorescent lights in the room, Harry's ring? On my hand? 

“I'm sorry, I didn't think, things are still a little fuzzy” I admit “I remember panicking, and not knowing what to do. I didn't even think to call an ambulance” I tell him, feeling my brows furrowing together, why on earth didn't I call him? Or 999? Stupid girl, I scold myself. The movement on my finger as Harry adjusts the ring bring me back to the present. 

“Harry, why am I wearing your ring?” I ask him. 

Bowing his head over my hand he finishes positioning the ring just so before answering me in his deep, slow voice 

“I wanted you to have it to fiddle with, if, if you were worrying... ” He says shyly, not meeting my eyes. 

My heart breaks a little at the obvious pain in his voice as he speaks and we sit in silence for a few minutes before I take a deep breath and finally ask the most important question.

“How long have I been here?” 

“Ten days darling. Longest ten days of my life” 

Ten days? How is that even possible? Surely I'd know if that much time had passed? Looking up into Harry's as he finally raises his gaze to meet mine, and I notice for the first time, the dark purple bruises under his eyes, the thick stubble on his cheeks that confirm his words, he looks exhausted. 

“And, how long have you been here?” I whisper, fairly certain that I already know the answer. 

“Ten days.” Harry says in a resigned voice “I didn't want you to wake up alone.” 

“Harry...” I sigh, trying to inch towards him, needing to close the space between us, but its useless so I settle for rubbing my thumb across his hand in small circles 

“Please tell me you haven't been here all that time? That you've been going home to sleep at least?” But looking over to the pile of cushions on the floor next to the sofa and his large blue overnight bag, I already know what his answer will be. This amazing man, this astonishing, caring, selfless man, has spent just as many nights here as I have, watching over me. I feel like my heart is going to burst with love for him. 

Harry shakes his head slowly in response, his eyes growing wide as if disgusted by my suggestion and expels a huff. 

“I hoped you'd understand... I've had to explain it so many times, to so many people. Darling, I couldn't leave you here alone. I would never have forgiven myself if you'd woken up and needed me and I wasn't here. I popped out once or twice for a couple of hours when your parents and Mel were here, and Louis came and forced me to go home and have a shower a couple of days ago.. but that's it” 

I stare at him for a few moments amazed. What on earth did I ever do to deserve him? After all the times I've tried to push him away... after the newspaper article that could have caused serious damage to his career.. I couldn't even manage to believe him when he said he only wanted me, that he loved me. 

I will never question that again. 

“I don't deserve you” I whisper, lowering my eyes to the coarse beige blanket on my lap. 

Placing a finger gently under my chin, Harry raises my eyes to meet his. Reminding me of all those months ago, backstage at his gig in London when he did the same, telling me that my eyes were too pretty to hide and I feel a lump rise in my throat. 

“Silly girl. You deserve the world. And I'm going to do my best to give it to you”


	78. Chapter 78

Harry's perspective 

“Harry” the word was barely a whisper floating across the room over the monotonous beeping of the heart monitors, but having waited ten horribly long, tedious, frightening days to hear it, my ears picked up on the sound before she had even reached the second syllable, my head snapping up as if she'd reached out and tugged on my hair. She's awake! 

Without a thought I jump up off the armchair I've been lazying on whilst I worked on my song, well Katie's song really, she once asked me not to write a song about her, worried it wouldn't be particularly flattering, but inspiration struck me earlier today whilst I sat staring at the swell of her chest under her hospital gown as it rose and fell with her finally slowed breathing, and I just couldn't help myself. My notebook crashes to the floor with a thud in my haste to reach her but I don't care, 

As if I've been waiting for this moment my entire life, not just for ten days, my body moves towards her like its magnetised, and before I have made the decision to actually do it, I am leaning over her small frame wetting my lips in preparation to place them against hers. It's only when her large brown eyes flick away from my face and survey the room around her that I remember myself, last time she woke up she didn't know me, she was terrified and ended up giving herself another asthma attack, I can't just lean in and kiss her, so I pause, hovering above her, all my weight resting on one arm. 

“Katie,” I say through tears, my voice coming out thick and broken, I need to know that she's ok, that she remembers me. 

“Yes Harry” She croaks back, she sounds like she's been chain-smoking cigars for the last ten days, not lying peacefully in a hospital bed. 

Thank god I think to myself, closing my eyes at the delectable sound of my name on her lips. I take a moment to relish the sounds but am interrupted by the logical part of my brain. I should call someone, get her checked over properly... 

“Baby, I'm going to call the doctor in ok?” I tell her, wheeling around and rushing out the door. The sooner the doctor sees her, the sooner I can take her in my arms and start to forget all the pain and heartache that have smothered me for the last ten days. 

I make it to the nurses' station down the hall in record time and breathlessly cry to the bewildered looking nurse there that Katie is awake, but before she has a chance respond, I see Doctor Matthews appear from behind a floor-length green curtain down the hall and make a beeline for him. 

“Doctor, she's awake!” I practically shout into his face. 

“Well then Mr Styles, I think it's about time you properly introduced me to your girlfriend then isn't it?” He replies with a smile. 

Of all the doctors that have wandered in and out of Katie's room since she's been here, he is by far my favourite. He's the only one of them who gives me updates on Katie's condition without looking around for her parents first, and, he's the only one who's never questioned my reluctance to leave her side. 

I follow him back inside Katie's room a few steps behind, shoving one hand into my pocket and racking the other through my untidy hair in an attempt to stop myself from reaching out to her and taking her in my arms before he has the chance to check her over. I need to know she's really ok. 

“Well Miss Francis, it's good to have you back with us,” Doctor Matthews says in a cheery voice as he approaches the side of Katie's bed. 

“Katie” She mumbles back at him with a frown etched across her beautiful features, that's my girl.

“I guess I don't have to ask if you know who you are eh? I'm just going to check you over Katie ok? Firstly, can you reach out and touch my hand?” 

At the sound of his words, the blood in my veins turns to ice and I feel my long body stiffen. That's exactly what the nurse said.. before.. when Katie last woke up. Please please please don't let this be a repeat of last time. I don't think I can go through seeing her like that again. I stare down into her eyes, searching for any indication that something is wrong, she is frowning again, but this time I am fairly sure it's in frustration. Glancing at her arm, I notice she is struggling to do as the doctor has requested. They warned us that when she woke up it would take a little time for her mobility to come back, ten days lying heavily sedated in a coma turns your muscles to mush apparently, and although they will recover, it's going to take a few days. 

Katie's arm shakes madly, hovering just a few inches off the bed and it takes all my self-control not to rush over and take her hand in mine and try to soothe her as she eventually lets it fall back on to the bed, expelling a small 'Hmph' noise as it hits the hard mattress. 

“That's ok Katie, don't you worry. How about we start with something a little easier? Do you know where you are?” Doctor Matthews asks her

Please know baby I beg internally, wiping a stray tear from across my cheek with the back of my hand. 

“Hospital” She smirks, I'm not entirely sure why she's finding that so funny... but I'm glad she is aware of where we are at least. 

“Correct, that's great Katie. Now, can you tell me who the gentleman standing behind me is?” 

As Katie raises her soft chocolate eyes to meet mine and whispers my name, I feel like my heart is going to explode from relief. She knows me! She's ok! I feel a huge smile stretching almost painfully over my cheeks, mirroring the smaller, shy one spreading over Katie's features, before suddenly, she collapses into a violent fit of coughing, breaking our eye contact as she bows her head gasping “Water” 

I glance quickly at the doctor to get the ok before rushing over to the jug of water on Katie's bedside table and, lifting it with shaking hands, I fill a nearby plastic cup to the brim and place a yellow plastic straw in it. Earlier in the week, I can't remember when, all the days seem to have moulded together, I was down in the cafeteria when I remembered the doctors' warnings about Katie's likely limited mobility, it was then that I spotted a large cardboard box full of those cheap striped plastic bendy straws. I had emptied its entire contents on to a table, a mess of greens, blues, reds and yellows, and carefully located every single yellow straw from the pack that I could find whilst eating the driest cheese and pickle sandwich I've ever had the misfortune to put in my mouth, before placing all the other colours back in the box. Yellow is Katie's favourite colour, and I wanted her to have the right straws when she woke up. At the time it seemed like the most important thing in the world. 

Placing the straw between her parched lips, I notice how dry and cracked they are and make a mental note to pick up some chap-stick for her as soon as possible as she gulps down the cool liquid greedily. Pouting in the most adorable way I think I've ever seen when she reaches the bottom of the cup and starts sucking up air. 

“Let us just take things slowly ok? See if you can keep that down for a few minutes, then Harry will get you some more” Doctor Matthews says, placing a restraining hand on my arm to stop me from refilling the cup. Slowly, right, ok. But Katie looks like she wants to throttle the poor guy. 

“I'm going to go and ask the nurse to come in and perform a few more checks ok Katie? And I best call your parents too, I'm sure they'll be glad to hear you're back!” 

Shit her parents, Mel... I didn't even think to call them. Fuck. Hopefully, they'll be so ecstatic with Katie being awake that they won't remember to be pissed at me. 

“In the meantime, I am sure you have a lot of questions, most of which Harry will no doubt be able to answer. He's barely left your side since you joined us” Doctor Matthews continues as he makes his way towards the door, but I barely hear him as my eyes lock with Katie's again. I thank him over my shoulder begrudging every second I have to drag my gaze away from my beautiful girl, before turning back to her and placing a hand on her cheek, she nuzzles into it comfortingly and I can't help the tears that are spilling freely down my cheeks now. I can't remember the last time such a simple touch made me feel so complete. 

“Katie” I whisper softly as I lean my head slowly towards hers. 

“Don't cry” she whispers, her voice full of pity and catching slightly in her still too dry throat, before she can say another word, I close the small space between us and press my lips against hers, despite the roughness of her chapped lips, it is without a doubt the best feeling I've ever experienced, a fire burns furiously in the very pit of my stomach as I mould my mouth around hers, my hands cupping her cheeks to hold her in place. Pouring every ounce of love and affection into this one small, chaste kiss that I can possibly manage. The emotion inside me is overwhelming and I can taste a mixture of both our salty tears on our melded lips. 

“God, I love you so much,” I tell her fiercely when we finally pull apart, the words not seeming to be enough to describe the depth of feeling I have for her right now

“Love you too,” She says quietly, and I swear it is the best sound I've ever heard. 

“Harry,” she asks me softly after a few moments comfortable silence of resting our foreheads together and breathing in each others warm breaths.

“Yes baby” 

“Why does everyone keep saying I'm back? Did I go somewhere?” she asks me in a small voice, looking up at me from under her long dark eyelashes and causing fresh tears to well up in my eyes. I take a deep breath and sit up straight before answering her

“How much do you remember baby?” 

“Not much, I remember having an asthma attack in the car... I remember the short woman with the black hair who wanted me to touch her hand... like the doctor did..” she says slowly and I nod in acceptance of her words as my heart falls a little, I was kind of hoping she wouldn't remember that. 

“Darling, the attack you had was bad, really bad, worse than any you've had before. And well, we, we lost you there for a minute or two. A couple of times. They had to work really hard to keep you with us. That's why the doctor said you're back” I say cautiously, watching her intently for any sign of distress at my words and ready to run to get doctor Matthews back in here in an instant if she needs him. But my amazingly strong girl just takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a moment to take in what I am saying. 

“I promise I will tell you everything you want to know about it baby, but let's take it slowly ok? Like the doctor said. I don't want to overwhelm you” I say as gently as I can manage, brushing the pads of my thumbs over the tears on her cheeks and wiping them away. I don't want to piss her off refusing to tell her everything that's happened, but every bone in my body desperately wants to protect her right now and I really do think this is for the best. Surprisingly she just nods slowly 

“Ok Harry” she whispers 

Perching myself on the edge of her bed, I take one of her hands in mine and take a moment to appreciate that, for the first time in days, her fingers entwine around my own, responding to my touch instead of laying there limp and unmoving. 

“I wish you'd called me darling,” I say regretfully, hearing the twinge of pain that colours the words and instantly feeling bad that my words will upset her 

“I'm sorry, I didn't think, things are still a little fuzzy, I remember panicking.. and not knowing what to do. I didn't even think to call an ambulance” Katie says, her eyebrows knitting together again in frustration as I adjust the too large rose ring so that it's centred on her middle finger where I secured it all those nights ago. 

“Harry, why am I wearing your ring?” she asks me, confused as she notices my actions 

Shit. How can I explain this one without sounding like a complete idiot? 

“Erm, I wanted you to have it to fiddle with... if you were worrying...” I admit, bowing my head, embarrassed, it seemed like such a sensible idea at the time, but now.. how on earth did I think she was going to be able to play with the ring when she was unconscious? I ask myself silently, shaking my head at my own weirdness. Katie simply nods as though its the most normal thing in the world though. 

The silence hangs in the air between us for a few moments before Katie finally breaks it by asking the question I had expected to be first out of her mouth. 

“How long have I been here?” 

“Ten days darling. Longest ten days of my life” I sigh heavily, feeling some of the weight that has been resting on my shoulders and dragging me down lifting slightly

“And, how long have you been here?” She whispers, so quietly that I barely hear it and have to raise my head back up to catch the end of her question 

“Ten days. I didn't want you to wake up alone” I say as if its the most obvious answer in the world. Where else does she think I'd have been?

“Harry... Please tell me you haven't been here all that time? That you've been going home to sleep at least?” Katie says in an exasperated tone, shit, am I in trouble? 

Shaking my head in response I see her glancing down at my makeshift sleeping area on the floor next to the sofa, where a few pillows and blankets lay dishevelled next to both mine and Katie's overnight bags. 

“I hoped you'd understand,” I say, my voice coming out sharper than I mean for it too but, I can't believe she'd think for one minute that I'd leave her here alone! I take a deep breath and try to calm my tone before I continue “I've had to explain it so many times, to so many people. Darling, I couldn't leave you here alone. I would never have forgiven myself if you'd woken up and needed me and I wasn't here. I popped out once or twice for a couple of hours when your parents and Mel were here, and Louis came and forced me to go home and have a shower a couple of days ago.. but that's it” I say quickly, practically all in one breath, please understand baby, I will her silently as she stares at me looking.. confused? Dazed? I can't quite work out what she's thinking. 

I am just about to speak again, to break the now uncomfortable silence that has risen between us, to apologise or to try and explain better why I haven't even considered spending a night away from this place since the moment they brought her here when she interrupts me 

“I don't deserve you,” she says, her voice thick with fresh tears 

Whha...? How can she possibly think that for one second? I've put her through hell! If it weren't for me, causing her immense amounts of stress and then upsetting her to the point that she went out with Mel that night and subsequently run into her old friend who called Michael, she probably wouldn't even be here right now! 

All I've managed to do since the day I met her is fuck things up over and over, first at the theatre, leaving her with Jeff, then my reaction to the article in the newspaper, when I yelled at her and forced her to listen to me read his poisonous words.. then agreeing to that stupid date.. letting Sarah kiss me and stupidly not pushing her away fast enough...Not telling her about the photo's I knew damn well had been taken.. 

After all of that, how is it possible that this stunningly brave, beautiful, intelligent girl, no, woman, lying in the bed in front of me can think for one second that she doesn't deserve me? Reaching out, I place my index finger under her chin and push it upwards to bring her eyes inline with mine, I really wish she would stop hiding them. I told her at my show in London months ago that her eyes are too pretty to hide. 

“Silly girl. You deserve the world. And I'm going to do my best to give it to you.”


	79. Chapter 79

Katie's perspective 

“Harrrrry” I protest feebly as he rushes around my tiny bedroom pulling out various items of clothing from the wardrobe and drawers “I didn't spend the last week learning how to walk again just so you could run around doing everything for me, I can pack my own damn bag!” I moan from my spot on the bed. 

It's been just over a week now since the hospital finally released me and allowed me to come home, much to my annoyance they had insisted that, despite my asthma being much better, I needed to stay there until I had managed to find my feet again. It had taken me six days to manage to walk unaided to the small bathroom adjoining my room, and I cannot tell you how amazing it felt to close the door on the world and be alone in there, even for a few minutes. 

As much as I am grateful for the amazing care I received at the hospital, there came a point where I just couldn't bear the nurses having to do everything for me anymore, I couldn't so much as wash myself or go to the toilet without someone's help for the first few days and it was humiliating. When they agreed, on the fourth day after I woke up, that they would let me go home on two conditions, I was determined to meet whatever challenge they set me as soon as possible. 

The first of the two conditions was easy, I wasn't allowed to be left alone. How Doctor Matthews had managed to say that one with a straight face I will never know, given that we both knew there was no way in hell Harry was going to leave my side even if I begged him too. The second condition was that I had to be able to walk to the bathroom without assistance, this one proved to be a little more challenging. With the help of a very gorgeous physiotherapist, who Harry was insanely jealous of which was just hilarious as if anyone could possibly replace him in my eyes or my heart! I had managed to strengthen my legs to the point where I could take a couple of steps without being held up, but that was about it. 

On day five I had made my first attempt and failed miserably. Only getting away with no injuries because Harry's strong arms had whipped out lightning fast and grabbed me under my armpits before I had the chance to hit the cold hard floor of my hospital room. On day six, however, I was determined. 

I had had enough of lying prone in that damn bed, I was bored out of my mind! Harry did his best to entertain me of course, he spent hours and hours singing to me, reading to me from my favourite books and even letting me beat him at scrabble a couple of times, I knew I must be getting better when he finally stopped throwing the games and allowed himself to win, but I was going stir crazy being cooped up in such a small space. 

My parents and Mel came to visit daily, and Harry never left my side for longer than it took him to pop home and have a shower, but I was ready to be my own woman again, I needed to be. The longer I allowed everyone to do things for me, the harder it was going to be to get back to normal. 

So on day six, despite the fact that I had been up half the night, my nightmares having become more prominent since this last near-death episode, or actual death I guess as I was gone for a few minutes there, a shudder runs through me every time I think about this so I try and push it to the back of my mind as much as possible. I pushed myself up on my elbows and shuffled my bum to the edge of the mattress closest to the bathroom door. Harry hovered in front of me, arms outstretched, ready to catch me if I stumbled, but by some miracle, I didn't. 

I cannot explain how wonderful it feels to wash your own face, with running water instead of wet towels, or go to the toilet without having to be lifted on to some strange, wheelchair like contraption. I spent way longer in that bathroom than I really needed to, revealing in the fact that I was able to do things for myself again. 

“I know, I know!” Harry's low voice interrupted my reverie, bringing me back to the present “But as you have no idea where we are going, how would you know what you need to pack?” He asks with a wink, tapping his long index finger to the side of his nose. 

i I said, reaching out to grab his hand as he walked past the bed for the hundredth time and tugging him towards me, unfortunately as my strength hadn't fully returned, my tug barely even moved his long tattoo covered arm, but he was kind enough to humour me and knelt down on the floor between my knees with his hands resting on my thighs, I could feel the heat of him through my thin skinny jeans and the butterflies in my stomach that always appeared whenever he touched me, started doing some sort of gymnastics routine in response. 

“Where would the fun be in that?” Harry asked placing a quick kiss on the end of my nose and returning to his mad packing. 

I ran my hands along my thighs, massaging them in the absence of his touch, hoping to hold on to some of the heat that he bought to them, but it was no use. My body craved his touch, not mine. Annoyingly, He was still refusing me more than a few light kisses, insisting that my body needed time to heal before we took things any further, and, whilst I appreciated his concern, my body was quite sure of what it wanted: Him. Having him in my bed every night, his long limbs wrapped around me, waking up to the feel of his manhood digging into my spine... I was getting progressively more fed up with his new 'gentlemanly' attitude and more and more sexually frustrated by the minute. 

“Why don't you come and lay down with me for a moment?” I said suggestively to the back of his head as he riffled through my underwear drawer

His low barking laugh filled the room instantly as he clocked on to exactly what I was trying to do, the same thing I'd been trying to do for days now.. get him in to make love to me. 

“Nope. No chance Miss Francis. You need time to heal, and, Patience is a virtue” He teased me running his tongue lightly over his lips as his eyes roved over my body stopping pointedly directed at my breasts for a few seconds before he remembered himself and snapped them back up to my face

“Hmph. It's not a virtue I am interested in having if it means I don't get to touch you” I pouted, throwing myself back across the bed with a huff and hugging one of the pillows he'd been sleeping on just a few hours ago to my chest, breathing in the musky Harry scent that lingered there. 

Harry just shook his head at me “All in good time darling. I think we might need to take you shopping on this little trip you know” He said casually “There are a few things you could do with... These for example? Need to go.” He chuckled, holding up a pair of admittedly rather old, Black cotton knickers emblazoned with tiny gold stars and poking his finger through a small hole in the waistband. 

“Hey!” I exclaimed, pretending to be offended “They're comfortable! Besides, it's not like anyone was seeing my underwear until recently” 

Making his way slowly over to the bed, Harry sat down beside me and pulled me up by my arms into a sitting position, the pillow still clutched to my chest. 

“Baby, your lady parts deserve to be shrouded in silks and satins,” He said seductively, placing a finger under my chin to raise it in that wonderful way that I loved, secretly I knew I'd started making a point of lowering my head, just to elicit this reaction and contact from him. 

As our lips met, a small sigh escaped my lips and I threw the pillow to one side, clambering on to Harry's lap and straddling him, needing to close the distance between us. My hands reached into his soft chocolate brown curls and tugged gently as my mouth opened slightly to allow his tongue to slide past my lips. Harry's hands ran slowly down my sides, his fingertips barely brushing the skin through the tight white tank top I wore and I couldn't help grinding my hips against the bulge in his jeans as they ghosted slowly over the edges of my breasts. 

“Oh no you don't” Harry cautioned, pulling his lips from mine 

“But Harrrry” I winged again, knowing I sounded like a horny teenager but I didn't care. It has been forever since I felt his hands on me. Placing his hands on my waist, Harry lifted me from his lap easily and sat me back down on the bed, standing quickly before I could attempt to scramble back into his embrace. 

“I need to finish packing, or we'll miss our plane. Toby will be here in an hour” He stated before disappearing into the bathroom where I could hear him opening various cupboards and throwing my lotions and potions into a bag. 

Laying back on the bed in defeat, I thought over our conversation about this trip again, trying to work out where he might be taking me... 

“Can I give you your birthday present now?” I had asked Harry the day after I had awoken from the coma, Mel had told me that the present had ended up here with us in the hospital after she'd come across it in my overnight bag, and I felt just horrible that Harry had spent the majority of his birthday sat here with me sleeping, I wanted to make it up to him. 

“Hmm, I actually had an idea about that” he drawled back from his position in the armchair next to my bed. “I was thinking, your birthday is coming up soon.. how would you feel about us celebrating them both together? On the same day?” He asked 

“You want me to share my birthday?” I shot back in mock horror, pretending to be disgusted at the thought

Chuckling, Harry replied “Well, I was hoping, provided you are well enough of course and Doctor Matthews says that it's ok. That you might agree to come away with me for a few days over your birthday? You know the tour is starting up in a few weeks, and I thought it would be nice to get away for a little while, just the two of us, before then”

“Sounds wonderful” I breathed, unable to believe my luck, a few days away with Harry sounded like heaven to me “Did you have somewhere particular in mind?” 

“I do.. but I was hoping you might let me surprise you,” Harry said 

“Harry, if this is supposed to be for both our birthdays, then surely it shouldn't just be a surprise for me,” I said, trying to coax more information out of him, but he wasn't giving in

“Nope! That's not how this is going to work. I've had that present in my hands for well over a week now, and I've managed to resist opening it, I'm sure you can wait to see where I'm taking you until the plane lands” 

“Plane?” My eyebrows shot up in horror after everything I'd been through you'd think the thought of getting on a plane wouldn't still have my heart hammering and my breath catching in my throat, but apparently, no amount of time in a hospital bed can change that fear. 

“Shit, I shouldn't have said that. Please don't worry” Harry said, taking my hand in his and entwining our fingers “It's just a short flight I promise, I'm not going to try and take you half way around the world when you've only just come back to me” Raising my hand to his lips he kissed each of my knuckles in turn “Please, just let me surprise you” He asked me from under his eyelashes as his lips puckered and pressed down in to the last knuckle, and he knew I was putty in his hands. Right then, if he'd asked me to give him everything I owned I would have done so, without a second thought. 

So it had been agreed, I would hang on to Harry's purple wrapped birthday present, which I had tucked away at the bottom of my suitcase with the card I had written for him, and give it to him in some yet to be disclosed location where we would celebrate both our birthdays together. As much as I was curious and as frustrated as I was to sit and watch as yet another person did everything for me. I couldn't help but be a little excited too. 

Harry's perspective

Searching through Katie's wardrobe I try and suppress a sigh, I really need to take my girl shopping. She's going to need at least one formal dress for the trip I have planned, and rifling through the very small collection she has here I can see there is nothing that's going to work. I hope I can convince her to let me spoil her a bit whilst we're away. I'm not sure half her clothes will even fit her anymore, she lost so much weight in the hospital. 

Whilst her back is turned, I retrieve the small package I hid right at the back of her wardrobe a few days ago and shoved it quickly into my own suitcase under a couple of shirts. Something else catches my eye, there, hidden under a large black coat is a small shoebox with the words “Don't open. Heartbreak within” scrawled over the top in big black letters. 

“Erm, Katie... What's this?” I ask in a small voice, pointing to the box and hoping to god it's not memento's from her time with Michael or another ex... 

“Oh, erm.. it's..” I watch in confusion as her face turns the bright shade of pink that I love and she lowers her eyes to her feet.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude,” I say quickly and start to make my way back over to the bed, taking a seat opposite her and crossing my legs in front of me to mirror her position. 

“No, it's not that!” Katie's eyebrows shoot up in horror when she catches on to what I am thinking and she jumps up off the bed and hurries to retrieve the box. My heart is pounding as she sits back down and places the box between us, her fingers playing with the lid

“Darling, you don't have too..” I start to say, covering her shaking fingers with my own. Whatever is in the box is clearly not something painful, judging by the writing on it and the look in her eyes now and I don't want to force her to share anything she's not comfortable with.

“No, no I want to Harry, it's ok, its time.” She says, twitching her fingers beneath mine to signal she wants me to move my hand. I watch, confused as she opens the large box, it seems to be filled with random things.. I spot her old phone laying on top of what looks like a few ticket stubs.. an empty can of coke and what looks like a pair of shoes.. before something small and silver glints in the light, catching my eye. 

“Your bracelet?” I ask, reaching in to pick up the present I gave her for Christmas and fingering the rose charm on it.

“When everything happened before, with Sarah... “ Katie begins, taking a long steadying breath “I couldn't bear to see anything that reminded me of you. So I hid it all away in here. My bracelet.. shoes.. the Gucci dress you bought me” She continues, pulling out the items one by one and laying them on the bed next to us. 

“I was looking for your dress to pack,” I say quietly “What else is in there?” I'm intrigued now, these items I can understand, but the box is still half full and for the live of me I can't understand the significance of the coke can. 

“Promise you won't make fun of me?” Katie asks as she pulls the box on to her lap, obstructing my view of what's left inside. 

“I promise,” I say solemnly, placing my hands over my heart, but a small smirk escapes across my face. This is going to be hard I think to myself, already suppressing a laugh and trying to compose my face into anything other than a smile. 

Turning quickly, Katie upends the box on to the bed beside us, it contents falling on to the soft white duvet, she places the box on the floor before turning to look at me expectantly and I know she's waiting for me to laugh, so I make a real effort to control myself. Satisfied, Katie picks up the first object in the pile and shows it to me. 

“This is the ticket from your concert, the night we met,” she says, and places it to one side before picking up the second item “And this is the VIP pass I was given the second night... The ticket from when you took me to see Wicked..” she's picking up speed now, and a small smile is crossing over her features as she runs through the items 

“The train ticket from that night, when I left the theatre, The card from the bouquet of white roses you sent to the pub.. and some of the orange rose petals from Japan... the teddy bear you won me at the theme park there. My plane ticket from that trip.. and the trip to LA..” 

I sit, mesmerised as Katie continues to pick up item after item and explain their significance to our relationship. I hadn't realised she had kept any of this, looking through all this is like walking back through our memories, there's a copy of my album that she jokingly had me sign, telling me she could sell it on Ebay once I was 'done with her' her words, not mine, a button from the shirt she ripped off me one night when spending time undoing them all was just not an option.. a copy of dirty dancing on DVD, which makes me smile at the memory of her trying to teach me how to dance in my living room.. even a guitar pick which she tells me is the one I used at Chris' party when I played Two Ghosts to her and she cried, how on earth didn't I notice her making off with that?

Eventually, the only item laying on the bed is a slightly dented empty coke can. Picking it up I raise an eyebrow at her and ask 

“And this?” 

Katie's cheeks turn almost the same colour as the red can in my hand as she stretches out her fingers to take it from me. 

“This was the drink you poured me backstage at your show when we ate pizza and I was so nervous I could barely say a word to you” She admits quietly

Seeing all of this, our memories, our love, spread out on the bed next to me suddenly doesn't seem so funny anymore and is causing a lump to rise in my throat, we may not have been together for very long, I'm sure a lot of people would think we're crazy for having fallen in love so hard and so fast, but looking at this silly sentimental girl in front of me, I can barely remember a time when she wasn't part of my life, and I don't think I ever want to again. 

Picking up the silver bracelet from the pile I take Katie's hand in mine and clasp it around her wrist where it belongs, positioning it so that the rose charm hangs perfectly centred down the back of her small hand and resting my own ring-adorned hand next to it, marvelling in the symmetry. 

On there own, both pieces of jewellery are beautiful, they both have their flaws sure, tiny imperfections in the burnished silver, but they have been painstakingly crafted over time, each petal creating another layer of the story they tell. Together though, they are magical, just like Katie and I. She's the other half of my heart. 

“I love you” I whisper into her lips, breathing in her soft warm breaths before I lean in to kiss her 

“I love you too” She mumbles back between kisses. “Now come on, my packing won't finish itself!” She teases me with a small smack to my bum as I stand up and salute her 

“Yes Ma'am,” I say as I resume my duties, I really hope I don't forget anything, We both deserve a wonderful trip after the last few weeks, and I am going to do my best to make sure we get it.


	80. Chaper 80

Katie's perspective 

“Have I mentioned how much I really, truly detest flying?” I ask Harry, gritting my teeth as the engines rumble louder beneath us and the plane picks up speed on the runway. 

“It might have come up once or twice babe” He chuckles back kissing my temple in a pitiful attempt to relax me “And if I had any doubt, the bruises you are going to leave on my fingers from your death grip will certainly make it clear” 

“Oops, sorry.” I apologise, trying to loosen my hand a little “I just, I don't know how you do this. Jump on and off planes like it's the most normal thing in the world and surrender yourself to the mercy of the pilot, I mean, we're literally putting our lives in his hands here. And, whilst I appreciate the private plane, could you possibly have found a smaller one?” I say sarcastically gesturing around me at the tiny cabin which holds just half a dozen plush white leather seats, there is a mini bar at one end, next to which a bored looking hostess sits, trying, and failing, to stare at Harry without us noticing. 

“I love it when you get all nervous like this, its the only time I really get to hear what you're thinking” Harry smirks at me “It's just a puddle jump, there was no need for a bigger plane, but if it would make you feel more comfortable, I'll make sure to charter a 747 next time” 

Finally having had enough of my hand crushing his, Harry untangles our entwined fingers and throws his arm casually around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side as he speaks. I take a deep breath and inhale the scent which is so .. Harry, warm and musky, yet fresh and inviting all at the same time and try to slow my racing heart. 

As grateful as I am for his attempt at reassurance, I'm positive a puddle jump means very different things to us both. I know I should be getting better at this, after all, I managed our flights to both LA and Japan, but I was medicated on both occasions. After spending so long forcibly unconscious very recently, I decided I wouldn't take any pills to get me through this flight, a decision I am regretting more and more as the plane finally reaches altitude and levels out. The small seatbelt lights flickering off. 

“How long are we going to be up here for?” I ask Harry, glancing out the window at the clouds below us and feeling my stomach tie itself into knots. 

“Not long, I'm sure I can think up ways to distract you...” He says nuzzling his face into my hair and finding the soft skin of my neck before beginning to nip and suck at it gently. 

I close my eyes and try to surrender myself to his touch, but even his magical lips seem unable to distract me from the fact that I am hurtling thousands of feet above the ground. 

Less than an hour later, the pilots' voice booms over the speakers to alert us that we will shortly be reaching our destination, and requesting that we fasten our seatbelts. The fact that he has not mentioned where our destination actually is like all other pilots do on regular flights has not escaped my attention and I crane my head to look out of the small window to see if I can spot some kind of landmark or... something to indicate to me where we are. My knowledge of flight times is limited, so although I am fairly sure we can't have gone any further than Europe, I am still none the wiser as to where we'll actually be spending out four precious nights away. 

It's not until we reach passport control that I finally realise that I know where we are, it's one of the very few places in the world I have visited before, and by far my favourite. Spinning around quickly, I almost knock Harry over as I throw my arms around his neck and jump slightly off the ground in my excitement. 

“Welcome to Paris baby” He whispers into my ear, catching me and holding me tightly against his chest. And suddenly I couldn't be more grateful for the silly tiny private plane and the fact that arrivals seem to be mostly deserted as we appear to be the only ones who have landed recently so that I can show him how much this means to me without an audience screaming his name. 

I keep thinking that there is nothing that this man can possibly do to surprise me further at this point, but when he opens the doors that lead out on to the balcony of our suite in the Shangri La hotel, I make a mental note to never underestimate him again. 

The large wooden terrace is stunning, surrounded by a short glass wall that barely reaches my waist with a flower bed full of artificial roses running all around the edges, it is February in Paris after all, I guess real roses would have been a stretch, even for my Harry. Large heaters stand in each of the four corners warming the area, somehow, they manage to blend into the rest of the décor effortlessly. 

There is a small dining area at one end, and at the other, a delightfully snug corner filled with a sofa and several armchairs, covered in large cream cushions which contrast beautifully against the dark wood and burgundy throws scattered over them. But I barely take in any of this, night has fallen on our drive from the airport and something else catches my eye, filling my vision and causing all other thoughts to empty from my mind, over the glass barriers.. across the river Seine, barely a couple of miles away from where I am standing right now, is the brightly illuminated Eiffel Tower soaring up into the night sky. 

Harry's strong arms snake around my waist from behind, pulling me tightly to his chest as he leans his head on my shoulder, and I am positive that there is nothing in the world that could possibly make this moment any more perfect. 

“Beautiful view eh?” He asks me in a quiet voice and I nod my head as I turn to face him, surprised to see that he is not gazing out over the banks of the river at one of the wonders of the world as he speaks, but staring directly at me. 

“You're not even looking” I tease him, feeling my breath catch in my throat at his close proximity, his emerald eyes twinkling in the low lights that adorn the balcony

“Believe me, baby, I've got the best view in the world,” He says seductively, turning me slowly in his arms, never taking his eyes off of me. Despite the fact that I am in old jeans and one of his hoodies, without a scrap of makeup on, after spending most of the day having mini panic attacks at the prospect of getting on a plane, there isn't a trace of humour in his eyes as they bore in to mine and I realise he means every word. 

The kiss starts slowly, our closed lips melding together in perfect sync as his hands rest lightly on my hips and mine trail around his broad shoulders. The usual fire that accompanies his touch starts to ignite deep inside me, deliciously slowly as his grip tightens and pulls my body flush against his. Gently he tugs at my bottom lip with his teeth, and I sigh, my lips parting and allowing his tongue admission. 

Suddenly, as if someone has poured petrol on it, the fire burns at fever pitch as our tongues dance together, becoming more and more possessive by the minute and I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest with desire for him. It's been weeks since he kissed me this way and my body has been aching for it, my back arches against my will, forcing my breasts against his hard chest and he breaks away from me for an instant, sucking a hiss of air through his teeth at the action. I watch in wonder as his eyes become dark with lust as he takes my hand and leads me over towards the swing chair. 

“One minute,” He says, pecking my lips before turning around and leaving me bereft, a small moan escapes my lips at the lack of contact between us and I am about to pull him back and drag him on to one of the chairs when I realise his plan. 

I watch, mesmerised, as he grabs the plump cushions and blankets from the chairs around us and places them on the wooden floor, creating a plush square nest for us under the stars. 

Harry takes a moment to admire his handy work before returning his gaze to me and reaches out, tugging me down into the pile of cushions. He glides his icy hand under my hoody and forces it slowly above my head, and I shudder slightly at his touch, barely registering the chill in the air. The fire within me combined with Harry's touch providing all the warmth I need as he deftly unhooks my white lace bra and gently squeezes my breasts, his thumbs running in small circles around my already hard nipples as he kneels in front of me. 

My need for him is all-consuming at that moment, and as much as I know I should look up, take in our surroundings, or possibly even coax him inside to the large queen sized bed we barely looked at on the brief tour of our suite, I find myself unable to. It's as if we are the only two people in the world right now, where we are doesn't matter, what's beneath us doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that we continue touching each other.. that he keeps kissing me...

My relentless tugging at the hem of Harry's T-shirt forces him to extricate himself from our embrace to tug it over his head and I watch in awe as his perfectly sculptured chest comes in to view, who needs the Eiffel Tower when I have pure art like this to stare at? I think to myself as I lean forward to kiss down his chest, stopping momentarily on each of his nipples to tug at them lightly with my teeth and relishing in the sound that escapes his lips, somewhere between pleasure and pain. 

Within moments, Harry flips me on to my back and hovers above me before his lips crash back against mine, his kisses are forceful and more than once our teeth clash together in our haste to consume as much of each other as is possible, it feels like no amount of him will ever be enough, even the tiny space between our bodies is too much for me at this moment so I reach down impatiently and pop open the buttons on his jeans, thrusting my hand underneath the fabric of his boxers and groaning as my fingers tighten around their target, he's already hard and as my thumb swipes across his tip I can feel a drop of pre-come resting there. 

“Aahh” Harry moans as he tries to mirror my action and slides his hand down the front of my jeans, his fingers stretch to find my folds but are hampered by the tight material and he sighs again before sitting up. “Well, this just won't do,” He says shaking his head slightly and causing a small giggle to escape my throat as his length slips out of my hand when he moves. 

He has my jeans off in seconds, my underwear disappears with them, and I can't hide the shiver that crawls across my skin at the sudden chill I feel, being so exposed to the elements. Ever the gentleman, Harry hastily grabs the blankets that were slung over the back of the chair earlier and envelopes us in a cocoon of burgundy cashmere, the fabric rubbing deliciously over my skin. 

“So ready for me baby” Harry drawls as his fingers slide down to my entrance and he slips one inside me slowly, twirling it in circles and stretching my walls as I moan in pleasure at the sensation. 

“What do you expect when you've made me wait so long?” I whimper, pulling his face back to meet mine and biting his lip

Within moments he has added another finger and even with my eyes closed, I can see the stars as he works me into a frenzy, this thumb circling my clit in time with the thrusts of his fingers driving me wild and I know it won't take long for me to be free falling through, what I very much hope, will be the first of many orgasms this weekend. 

“Harry..” I moan, tightening my legs around him as my body climbs higher. 

“Hmm.. not yet baby, I need to taste you” his words are so seductive that I nearly explode there and then. 

Shifting his position, Harry lowers his head and flicks his tongue lightly across my swollen bud of nerves, once, twice.. he pauses only long enough drag his tongue from the base of my opening right back up to my sweet spot before his mouth closes around me, sucking, kissing, nipping... I can barely form a coherent thought as my hands travel into his curls, pulling and twisting them as I feel my body start to build again. 

“Look at me Katie” Harry drawls from between my legs, his voice sounding deeper than ever, and although it takes all my concentration I manage to comply, the moment our eyes lock, my legs start to tremble, and he forces my thighs apart with his hands as I instinctively try and close them. “Feel it, baby... let it consume you” he whispers as he inserts his fingers again as my orgasm hits me with such force that I fall back into the cushions and have to bite my own fist to stop myself from screaming out his name into the Paris skyline. 

As I fall slowly back down to earth and regain control of my limbs, Harry kisses his way up my body, by the time he reaches my lips I have sufficiently recovered enough air to breathe through the relentless kisses that he showers down on me, giving back just as much as I am taking and being rewarded by a soft sigh escaping his lips. 

“My turn” I whisper, biting his earlobe and rolling out from under him. 

Pushing him back on to the soft nest he has made for us and straddling his hips, I position myself so I can feel his full length beneath me and leisurely grind myself along his silky shaft, covering him in my own wetness

“Condom” He breathes through gritted teeth, and I smile, praising myself for the decision I made weeks ago when he complained, not for the first time, about having to use our rubbery friends. 

“I've started taking the pill Harry.. so we don't have to.. I mean.. if you still want to use one that's fine,” I say, suddenly unsure if this will be something he wants, craves, as much as I do, the feeling of skin on skin contact. At my words his eyes light up though, removing any doubts I may have had 

“That's my clever girl” He praises me, running his hands across my chest and tugging at my nipples. Never breaking eye contact with him, I shift slightly and position myself to take him inside of me, lowering myself agonisingly slowly on to him, twirling my hips as he fills me up inch by inch and relishing in the control. 

“Faster baby, please” He begs from beneath me as his hands grasp my hips and he meets me thrust for thrust, and I obey, picking up the pace and accepting more of him until he is buried right up to his hilt. 

“Fuck” He curses as I raise a hand to caress my own breast, flicking my tongue across my lips as my fingers find my nipple. Harry's hand shoots out and wraps around the back of my neck, forcing me to lay down on top of him as our mouths crash together once more. He has taken full control now, pushing into me with as much force as he can muster as I grind my hips down to meet his

“Let go Harry” I plead as I feel myself start to come apart around him for the second time, and my words have their desired effect, cursing my name through gritted teeth he thrusts once, twice, three times in quick succession as his body goes rigid beneath me and he finds his own release. 

I roll off of him and cuddle up against his side, under his outstretched arm, pulling the blankets tightly around us both and resting my head on his chest. We lay unmoving for several minutes, both trying to catch our breath as we stare up at the stars adorning the sky above us. 

“That was...” I begin 

“Yeah, it really was..” Harry finishes my sentence for me, knowing that there are no words to adequately describe what just transpired between us. 

“Harry?” 

“Yes, darling?” 

“Thank you” 

“Are you thanking me for making love to you? Cos I think I get just as much out of that as you do” Harry giggles, pushing himself up on his elbows to that he can look at me. 

“Erm, well, of course, I am very grateful for that, but I more meant, thank you for bringing me here, for arranging all of this, I'd be just as satisfied making love to you in my tiny little bed at home, but this, this is... magical. Thank you, for being you” I say, struggling to put into words just how much all of this means to me. 

“You don't need to thank me, baby. I told you, you deserve the world, this is just the first taste of it” Harry replies 

“I love you so much, more than you could possibly know” I admit shyly and he looks back at me in confusion 

“Baby of course I know, I love you exactly the same, maybe even more” He counters.


	81. Chapter 81

Harry's perspective

God, I'm nervous... This all seemed like such a good idea when I was sitting in Katie's tiny flat just outside London trying to figure out how I could make today, her birthday, extra special. But now that I am sitting impatiently on the oversized cream sofa in our hotel suite, I'm suddenly not so sure. 

So far the days gone quite well I think, breakfast in bed which lead to steamy shower sex, I even managed to convince her to let me take her shopping at some of my favourite stores here in Paris, and due to the cold, wet February weather, we managed to get in and out of the shops without being spotted and she only put up a minimal fight over letting me pay for the outfit that she refused to let me see, that's got to be a good sign right? 

I'm the first one to admit that I've made a lot of mistakes in this relationship, but I am hoping that what I have planned for tonight can at least make up for one of the earliest ones. I'd really like it if my hands could stop sweating now though I think, rubbing them slyly on the cushions beneath me just as I hear the familiar click of high heeled shoes walking across the hardwood flooring behind me. 

Standing, I turn slowly, trying to prepare myself to have my breath taken away, my girl always looks beautiful, even in no make up and one of my hoodies, but the last time I saw her all dressed up I swear it took all my willpower not to throw her down on the bed right then and there and have my way with her. I have a feeling tonight's going to be another test of my restraint, as my eyes rake their way up her figure, from her shapely legs to her small hips, her perfect breasts to her beautiful face I nod slightly, acknowledging to myself that I'm right, it's going to take every ounce of strength I have to be a gentleman tonight. 

“You look.... wow” I manage to sputter out. 

“Why thank you Mr Styles, you don't look so bad yourself” Katie replies with a smile and I'm sure I feel my heart skip a beat. No matter how many books you read, how many movies you watch, nothing can prepare you for the feeling of truly being head over heels in love. I always assumed that most of the cheesy lines were just for effect, I never realised that I had the ability to actually hear my own heart thudding in my chest with overwhelming love for someone else, that my feelings would consume me so utterly that at times, I'd struggle to remember my own damn name. But now that I am here, experiencing real love for what is probably the first time in my life, I realise that all the songs, all the stories, were all true. 

Katie's perspective

Why am I so nervous? It's just a date with my boyfriend for god's sake! Granted Harry isn't really a typical boyfriend, there aren't many barmaids who've gotten as lucky as me I don't think. But you'd assume that after four months of having him around I'd have gotten a little better at stopping my knees from going weak every time he flashes me that megawatt smile of his or learnt to remember to breathe when he kisses me. I guess this is what real love feels like, I muse as I make my way slowly out of our bedroom and into the adjoining living room of our suite, subtly grabbing a tissue from a box near the door and wiping my sweating hands. 

There's never a moment of the night or day when Harry doesn't look like he's just stepped out of the pages of some magazine... given that barely a day goes by when he's not gracing their pages, I guess that makes sense. But tonight as I make my way towards him I try and take deep steadying breaths, he'll be wearing a suit, and there is just no one on earth who looks as good in a suit as my Harry. 

As he stands and slowly turns towards me, I take in the well-tailored black suit he is wearing and swallow heavily. It's going to take all my self-control to even let him walk me out the door tonight.. surely we could just order room service and spend the night in bed?

“You look... wow” Harry's voice interrupts me, and it's clear from the way he presses a finger to his lips that he is struggling to behave himself just as much as I am. 

“Why thank you Mr Styles, you don't look so bad yourself,” I say in my best carefree accent, trying not to let the heat that is rising between my legs show in my expression.

Harry stands for a moment, taking in the floor length dusky pink dress I picked out in one of the ridiculously expensive shops he took me to earlier today, the chiffon skirt blows slightly in the breeze drifting in through the open balcony doors and even I have to admit, I feel like a princess. The sweetheart bodice with mesh lace is embroidered with intricate roses, which seemed appropriate for a date with Harry, and embellished here and there with tiny rhinestones which catch the light as I move, spinning on the spot, I turn my back to Harry 

“Would you mind doing me up? Kind of tricky to tie this by myself” I mumbled shyly. 

“Of course” Harry replies taking a step towards me

His long-fingered hands find their way to my shoulders and deliberately slowly ghost their way down across the exposed skin, his fingertips just lightly brushing over me causing goosebumps to form in their wake and making me shudder just a little as Harry finally reaches the ribbons that snake down the back of the dress. 

“Thank you” 

“Gotta admit, I'd really rather be taking this dress off you right now rather than doing it up.. but I guess that'll have to wait till later” He teases me, raising an eyebrow questioningly, clearly trying his luck, but I am not going to give in that easily tonight. It's my birthday, and as much as I adore sex with him, a quicky over the back of the sofa before we have to head out is not what I have in mind. 

The car the hotel arranged isn't quite as luxurious as the Mercedes Toby generally opts to drive us around in, but the tinted windows do allow me to stare out at the sites of Paris as we wind our way through the small streets, navigating the traffic. As always, Harry completely refused to tell me where we were headed tonight, so I am keeping my eyes peeled for any clue as to our destination. 

When the driver pulls down in to a narrow cobbled side street, with two storey buildings flanking us on either side, covered in graffiti and looking neglected, I assume we are just taking the back streets, but when the driver pulls up in the middle of the street and Harry climbs out of the car, I am completely at a loss. 

Within moments, my perfect gentleman has rushed around to my side of the car and opened the door for me, I slide my hand in to his waiting one and allow him to help me from the car, pulling my shawl a little tighter around my shoulders and hoping we don't have to walk far, it's freezing out here! 

Harry leads me a little way down the street with me stumbling along in my stilettos and being very grateful for his steadying hand on the base of my spine, before he stops abruptly outside a very nondescript looking building, the only thing different about it compared to every other one on the street, is that the walls and window frames, even the door, are painted in a dark matte battleship grey. 

“Erm, Harry, are you sure you have the right place?” I ask him confused, there is no sign of life in the building whatsoever and to be honest, this doesn't really look like the kind of place people go for a romantic evening. 

Flashing me his megawatt smile which makes his dimple pop in his cheek, Harry says nothing, but turns me slightly and points up at a black fabric sign emblazoned. Squinting up at it slightly, I let out a small peel of laughter as I read the white writing “Restaurant H” how very appropriate.

I'm still giggling up at the sign when the door opens beside us and a short moustached man beams out and addresses Harry 

“Monsieur 'Arry?” He asks 

“Wee, Bonsoir” Harry responds in a perfect French accent, is there anything he isn't good at? I wonder idly as they exchange pleasantries, my French is pretty much limited to the few words I can remember from high school and the alphabet and my accent is atrocious... I hope they have an English menu... 

“Bienvenue! Please, please, come in” the moustached French man says, opening the door wide and affecting a small bow as he holds it open.

Harry steps back slightly and gestures for me to go in ahead of him and suddenly I get flashbacks of another restaurant, in another capital city... 

“Harry what did you do...” I whisper quietly raising an eyebrow at him, as I remember what a nightmare that evening turned into, with fans sneaking pictures of us on to Twitter and me experiencing my first run-in with Jeff, I guess I should be a bit nicer to him now, even in my thoughts, given that he managed to get Michael to sign the NDA, and I know he is thousands of miles away in LA so I shouldn't have to deal with him tonight. 

I hear Harry take a sharp intake of breath as I walk into the aptly named restaurant and I can tell he is thinking about the same night that I am. Is this his way of trying to make amends? I wonder, but as soon as I step inside, the question is answered for me. 

The small restaurant is set out in exactly the same way as the Italian one was back in London that night, the only differences are the décor and the fact that instead of a single Lily sitting on the only table in the middle of the room, there is a deep red rose. 

“Red roses symbolize love” Harry whispers into my ear as he takes the shawl from around my shoulders and I am taken back to the postscript in the letter he sent me when we broke up. 

“Is this whole evening designed to be a trip down memory lane?” I ask him as we take our seats. 

“Kind of..” He admits, reaching across the table to take my hand in his “I've made so many mistakes since I met you, there are so many things that I wish I could go back and change. Unfortunately though, until someone invents a time machine... I can't do that. So the best I can offer you is to try and replace all those tainted memories with new, improved ones. I don't want you to have a box that you're scared to open because of the heartbreak it contains, I want to start a whole new one, filled with nothing but love” 

Blinking back tears and trying to remember if I thought to wear waterproof mascara or not, I gaze in to Harry's eyes and see the pleading expression in them, he needs this I realise, he needs to try and erase the past by re-living it and getting it right this time so that he can put it behind him.

“Harry, you really didn't have to.. I've made mistakes too, more than I care to remember, and as much as I wish they hadn't happened, they all brought us here, to this moment. I don't regret a single moment with you” I tell him honestly, realising the truth in the words as they tumble from my lips. Sure, we've both made plenty of mistakes, but would we have gotten to where we are now without them? They say the course of true love never runs smoothly after all. Maybe we needed to go through the hard times in order to realise what we really mean to each other. 

We eat our meal happily chatting away about inconsequential things and simply enjoying being in each others company, the food is delicious as you'd expect from what I have discovered is a highly rated French restaurant, I don't even want to think about how much trouble, not to mention money, Harry has had to go through in order to book this place out for us this evening.

As the waiter disappears to get our desserts, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and stumble around the small corridor for a few moments, trying to locate a member of staff. Tonight was supposed to be a joint celebration for both of our birthdays, and so far, as usual, Harry has taken the lead and I've been left unable to do much for him, I had anticipated this and have planned a little surprise for when we get home, but tonight, there is one thing I am determined to do. 

Harry's perspective 

“Did you get lost?” I ask Katie when she finally returns to the table nearly fifteen minutes after she went to the bathroom, something going on here... 

“Erm, no, it's just the dress you know, took some time to get around it” she replies, but I spot the telltale blush that arises every time she attempts to tell even the smallest of lies colour her cheeks. 

“Hmm, yeah ok then,” I say, pretending to go along with her lie, so far tonight has been perfect and the last thing I want to do is spoil it by calling her out on whatever she has got planned. 

I don't have to wait long for all to be revealed, a few minutes later the waiter appears at our sides, brandishing a cupcake in each hand, each has a lit candle protruding from its centre. He hovers for a moment and then places a cake in front of each of us and I notice that piped on to the top of them in thin red icing is “H & K” 

“Happy belated birthday Harry” Katie whispers, her chocolate eyes boring in to mine and for a second I have one of those moments I was talking about earlier where I completely forget who I am or why I am here and just get lost in her, picking out all the tiny flecks of colour in her irises and committing each on to memory. 

The sound of the waiter clearing his throat startles me out of my daydream as the French horns that I had requested when I sorted out reserving this place for tonight start to play Happy birthday and the waiter and few other staff members start to sing along. 

Reaching across the table I take Katie's hand as we try and out-do one and other, by the time we get to the part of the song where you say the birthday guests name, we are both almost screaming trying to make sure the others name is loudest as the staff look on at us confused and sing both of our names in their heavy accents. 

“Make a wish darling,” I say quietly as the song comes to an end and we both bend to blow out our candles. 

“No need, everything I want is already here” Katie replies, stunning me for a few seconds and causing her to have to squeeze my hand to remind me to blow out my own candle which is now dripping wax all over my cupcake and make my wish, because as happy as I am, there are still a few things left to wish for.


	82. Chapter 82

Harry's perspective. 

“Do I finally get to open my present now?” I whine childishly to Katie once we have demolished our cupcakes

“Hmm... I'm not sure. This whole sharing a birthday thing... it's not really my cup of tea, to be honest, maybe we should wait and celebrate yours properly when we get home?” She teases me 

“Hmph” I pout and fold my arms over my chest in a mock tantrum

“Ok, ok, jeez you really aren't used to not getting your own way are you?” Katie continues to give me a hard time and I can't help but roll my eyes at her. 

“Hey! I've been a good boy, I've been waiting weeks to see what's inside that little purple box” I moan and am rewarded by Katie fishing around in her purse for the present, which she places on the white tablecloth between us. 

“Happy birthday Harry, I'm sorry I didn't get to give this to you on the day” She says in a low voice as I reach forward and pick up the package, it takes me all of two seconds to rip off the paper and I am left holding a small black box. 

Playing up my childish side, I shake the box rapidly back and forth by my ear, trying to guess what might be inside before snapping the lid open. Inside sits a three-tiered silver ring with engravings etched around the bands, Latin I think, although I am not going to pretend I've got the first clue what it says. 

“The engraving says 'Be kind to everyone'” Katie informs me, reaching over and turning the ring in my hands so that I can see the intricate details. 

“Katie... it's perfect. Thank you so much!” I enthuse, slipping the ring on to my middle finger and holding it up to admire it. 

“What do you buy the man who has everything?” Katie muses “It seemed appropriate given your motto” 

“Treat people with kindness” I reply, staring lovingly at the ring, it really is perfect. 

“Is it my turn now?” Katie interrupts me “Don't think for one minute that just cos I hide it well doesn't mean I'm not a spoilt brat at heart, it's nearly nine pm on my birthday and I've yet to open a single present.. getting kinda fed up here Mr Styles” She badgers me, mimicking my earlier pose she crosses her arms tightly across her chest. 

“Baby, that position might not be working as much in your favour as you'd like,” I say slowly in a low voice, my eyes focused on her breasts, which are forced higher in her corseted dress by her actions

“Pervert!” She giggles stretching out a hand to pretend to smack me but I dodge out of the way in plenty of time. 

“Seems you're fighting skills are better when your half unconscious babe” I smirk earning me another swipe “What? Too soon?” 

“You know Harold, you are not half as funny as you think you are” Katie glowers at me from across the table. 

“How dare you? I am hilarious!” I reply, offended

Turning to the waiter, I give him a small nod and he ducks down behind the long wooden bar at the end of the restaurant, when he comes back in to view, he is holding a large brown envelope which I wander over to collect. Sliding my chair around the table, I position myself so that I am sat next to Katie and place the package on the table.

Katie's eyes dart back and forth between the envelope between us and my face, I know she's searching my expression for some kind of clue so I try hard not to give anything away, trying to conceal the smirk I can feel tugging at the corners of my lips, I scrunch up my nose and place a finger to my lips. I'm sure she can hear my heart beating though, it's too loud! I think it's going to explode out of my chest. This is it, this is the moment I've been equally looking forward to and dreading for weeks. God, I hope she says yes... 

Katie's perspective. 

As I place the bundle of papers on the table in front of me I am utterly confused, the plain jiffy bag style envelope gives nothing away, and Harry is doing his best to keep a poker face. Lifting the first page, I glance quickly at the back, both sides are blank.. ok, weird... However, the second page has one single word, written in thick black ink across it. 

WILL 

Still none the wiser as to what's going on, I glance at Harry who simply nods towards the stack, encouraging me to lift the next piece... 

YOU 

Oh god, oh no. Please don't let this be a proposal!! We've only been together a few months! If you discount the time we've spent apart and the time before we were official... it's been more like weeks, he can't possibly think that this is an appropriate thing to do... can he? 

With shaking hands, I lift the 'you' paper to reveal the next 

COME ON

Haha ok not what I was expecting, I can't control the strange strangled giggle that escapes my throat somewhere between relief and amusement at the words 

“Katie, I love you, but even I know its too soon to be discussing marriage,” Harry says with a smirk 

“Thank god for that! So you're asking me to come on …. what? Bit of a public place for that don't you think? I mean, I know you booked out the whole restaurant and everything, but really Harry, I don't think the owners would appreciate us making love on the table. Not to mention, I'm not convinced it can hold both of our weight” I tease, shaking the table slightly to prove my point about its sturdiness. 

“Woman you're killing me here, please just keep going,” Harry says exasperated and I can see from the expression on his face that it's taking everything he has not to crack and just tell me whatever else these pages are meant to say. Deciding to put him out of his misery, I turn the next page and the word there immediately takes my breath away. 

TOUR WITH ME? 

Turning my gaze to Harry I look up at him through tear filled eyes. 

“Last time I had to go on tour without you, even just for those few weeks, it was horrible. I missed you every single day. I don't want to go through that again. Please, will you come on this leg with me? I know it's a lot to ask... But I spoke to your boss and he said he's you'll always have a job there as long as you want it, and I talked to Mel, she's going to let me help cover your share of the rent and bills on the flat whilst we're away... Please don't get upset about that, I'd pay an awful lot more than that not to have to leave you behind...” He rambles and eventually I reach out a finger and press it to his lips to silence him. 

As the tears stream freely down my cheeks, all worries of my make up running disappear. He wants me to travel the world with him? Be by his side as he embarks on his first ever solo arena tour? 

“Sshhh” I whisper quietly, running my finger slowly over his plump bottom lip. “Harry, this is the most amazing gift anyone has ever given me, I'd be honoured to come on tour with you,” I tell him, and leaning forward I replace my finger with my lips, kissing him tenderly. 

“Really? You'll come? It'll mean a lot of flights..” He says shyly, his eyes wide as he searches mine for some sign of reluctance as he pushes himself up from his chair. 

“Harry, I'd follow you anywhere, even on and off bloody planes” I tell him sincerely

His arms dart out and wrap around my waist, instantly pulling me into him as he swings me around in a circle, my dress fanning out with the movement. When he finally places me back on solid ground I am already a little dizzy as he takes my face in his hands and kisses me passionately, slipping his skilled tongue between my lips and causing my head to spin, even more, only this time with pure pleasure. 

Harry's perspective

“Just keep your eyes closed, it's not much further” I instruct Katie for what feels like the hundredth time since we got back out of the car. This is the very last part of the weekends' surprises and without a doubt one of the scariest, only eclipsed by asking her to come on tour with me. 

As I guide Katie slowly up the stairs and back in to our hotel, one hand on the base of her spine and the other holding tight on to the red bandana I bought all the way to Paris especially for this moment and secured around her eyes so there's no temptation to peak, I'm fairly sure I've managed to confuse her enough that she's got no idea where we actually are and I'm grateful. Booking out a small French restaurant was child's play in comparison to convincing one of the most famous hotels in the world to let us have private use of their ballroom for the rest of the evening. 

“Step up, and again” I ask Katie as we climb the small staircase that leads in to the magnificent space, I've played shows in some of the worlds most spectacular locations, but this room, with its high fresco ceiling on which cherubs are floating on clouds, tall arched windows and soft lighting really is something else. 

“Harry, how much further?” Katie complains as I step through the double doors and nod to the security guard who's been stationed outside as I push them closed behind us, quietly turning the key in the lock. 

“Just a few more steps. Here” I say helping Katie to sit on a green brocade chair “OK, you ready?” 

“Yes” she says and I can hear the impatience seeping into her voice, her sweet breath mingles with my own as I reach around her to untie the bandanna, letting it fall softly to the floor. 

“Open your eyes baby” 

“Wow” Katie exclaims as she opens her eyes and takes in our surroundings, a mixture of shock and awe covering her beautiful face “Harry this is... Every time you surprise me I think, that's it, he's reached the limit, there is nothing more that he can possibly do to top this, but, you always manage to” she says sweetly

“I'm glad, I never want to stop surprising you,” I tell her, placing a soft kiss on her cherry lips. 

Backing away slightly, I don't break eye contact with this vision of a woman in front of me as I make my way towards the shiny jet black grand piano positioned just a few feet away from where Katie is sitting, when she notices my target, her eyes widen

“Are you going to play for me?” she asks, as a huge smile brightens up her face

Taking a seat behind the piano, I stretch out my fingers in front of me and take a deep breath, I've performed in front of some of the  
biggest crowds in the world, but I don't think I've ever been more nervous than I am right now. Wiping my sweaty palms on my trousers, I can't quite manage to meet Katie's eye as I position my fingers over the ivory keys and start to play the first chords. 

“watching you lie there  
my heart is torn in two  
I only just got you back in my life  
don't you leave me alone so soon

I told you one  
and I'll tell you again  
I'm a mess without you. 

Struggling to catch your breath  
my arms are aching to hold you  
I hope you can hear me, my lover, my friend  
that somehow I'm breaking through 

I told you twice  
and I'll tell you again  
I'm a mess without you 

Stroking your warm skin  
and I'm trying not to break  
feel my hand in yours, our fingers entwined  
my whole body starts to shake 

I've told you before  
and I'll tell you again  
keep saying it until the very end  
I'm a mess without you”

Katie's perspective

As Harry's raspy voice echoes around the opulent ballroom, I reach down and pinch the skin on my arm, hard, expecting it to make me wake up from what I am sure has to be a dream. Real life can't possibly be this perfect, can it? Having the man of your dreams singing a heartbreaking song that he's written for you, on your birthday.. in Paris.

Tears stream down my face as I feel the pain he suffered whilst I was sleeping through his lyrics, I hate that he had to go through all of that. As tough as it was for me, as much as I'd give almost anything not to have had to experience it... I can't imagine how much harder it must have been for Harry and everyone else who loves me. I was just sleeping.. they had to somehow make it through each and every dark day and lonely night, wondering if I was going to be ok. 

Harry doesn't look at me the entire time he is singing, and it is a good job too. I don't think I could cope with having his piercing gaze on me and hearing his words at the same time. As the last chords fade out, he finally raises his head to face me, and I can see the tracks of freshly shed tears glistening on his perfect cheeks. Within moments I have left my seat and scrambled in to his lap, my long dress tangling around both of our legs as I curl up under his chin and feel his strong arms encircling my shoulders, pulling me so close to him that I don't think even a breath of air could navigate through the minuscule gaps between our bodies. 

“Harry, that was beautiful” I finally whisper as my tears subside “When did you write that?” I question, we've barely been apart for more than an hour or two since I woke up and I've not noticed him working on anything new when he has sung, mostly it's been practising for his upcoming tour. 

“In the hospital baby, I was actually just finishing it the day you woke up,” he tells me and I remember his leather bound journal crashing to the floor of the hospital as he scrambled out of his chair to greet me when I became conscious. “I'm sorry if it makes you sad” Harry adds, wiping a fresh tear from my cheek with the pad of his thumb. 

“These are good tears, I promise, I think, sometimes, I forget how amazingly talented you are” I tell him through a smile, earning a light blush at the compliment which seeps into his cheeks as I gaze into his emerald eyes which are sparkling in the low light of the ballroom. 

It starts with a simple kiss, our lips brush together almost imperceptibly as I lean in to thank him for his melody.. his words.. his art.. his honesty. But as soon as our mouths meet I lose all sense of self-control. My body melts against his as he returns my kiss fervently and the heat rises between us and I completely forget where we are, or even why we are here, all I can think about is the all-consuming desire to feel his body against mine. 

 

Tugging at his shirt, I release it from his trousers and thrust my hands under the silky material, running them across his broad chest and feeling his muscles contract as he takes short sharp breaths between kisses. His tongue assaults mine and he pushes fold of flyaway chiffon aside to run his long fingers up my inner thigh, agonisingly stopping right before he reaches my centre and moving over to the other leg to repeat his actions. 

“Harry” his name escapes my lips unbidden, and I am not sure if I'm really calling out to him or praying from the sound of my breathy voice, thick with desire and lust. 

Sensing my need, Harry places his hands on either side of my waist and lifts me effortlessly on to the lid of the piano, my heels tap a couple of keys and an out of tune melody briefly interrupts the perfect silence in the large space as he bends and places his head between my thighs, this time, there is no preamble, his mouth finds its target through the lace of my knickers without warning and I let out a gasp as he sucks, hard against my most sensitive area. 

The sensations overwhelm me in moments and I can already feel my body rising, floating up to mingle with the cherubs on the ceiling above us as I lay back on the cool, hard surface of the piano and Harry's tongue continues to violate me in the most delicious manner. 

A small whimper escapes my lips when his warmth suddenly disappears, but the lack of contact doesn't last long, I feel myself spin slightly as he repositions me on the piano and wraps his strong arms around my thighs, grasping them tightly, his nails dig in to the soft flesh as he yanks me towards him so that my arse is right at the very edge of the highly polished wood. 

I watch intently, biting my lip as he quickly undoes his trousers and frees his erection, it springs out of its cage happily, knocking against the trail of hair on his abdomen, I can see a bead of wetness glistening on the large purplish head and my throat constricts in a mixture of delight and apprehension as Harry looms down over me and covers me in kisses once again, his teeth pull against my bottom lip and he emits low grunting noises as I feel him pull aside my knickers and line himself up against my entrance. 

“This is gonna be fast baby” He warns, breathlessly and I nod in excitement. 

He pushes deep into me with one thrust, filling me instantly and causing a wave of fire to flood through my body as a cry escapes my lips. Conscious that we are not in the most private of locations, Harry places a hand forcefully across my mouth to muffle my cries as he thrusts into me again and again, so hard and fast that I can barely process the movements. Within moments I am climbing again, my back arching of the piano as he pounds into me, his heavy breathing and occasional grunts the only sounds echoing around the walls of the huge ballroom. 

“I'm close” Harry whispers through gritted teeth as he lowers himself down and replaces his firm hand across my mouth with his plump lips, our teeth clashing together with the force of his thrusts. I slide my hands underneath his shirt and drag my fingernails down his smooth back, eliciting a small cry from him as I reach my high, my body feels weightless as my orgasm hits me and I dig my nails in harder, clutching on to him for dear life as the powerful sensations rip through me. 

My nails on his back are the last straw and I feel Harry tense above me as his own release overtakes him and his movements slow, before he finally stills and collapses against my chest, our heavy breaths mingling together and causing small pockets of condensation on the polished surface of the piano lid which evaporate nearly as quickly as they appear. 

Harry is just tucking his shirt back into his trousers as I try and straighten my crinkled dress and flatten my hair, which I am sure is sticking up at every possible angle right now, as our eyes meet across the room, a small smirk appears on his perfect features and the dimple I adore pops in his cheek as we both start to laugh. The fit of giggles is all consuming and before long I can feel more tears welling in my eyes as I struggle to compose myself and reposition my knickers without drawing his attention. 

“Can't say I've ever done that before” Harry chuckles, his cheeks are flushed and small beads of sweat still linger on his forehead, but all in all, he looks just as godlike as always, I don't think anyone would guess from his appearance what we've been up to. Mine on the other hand... 

“How bad do I look?” I ask him seriously as I pat nervously at what's left of the bun I put my hair in earlier

“You darling, look like you've just been thoroughly fucked” He teases me, flashing me his megawatt smile. 

“Rude!!” I exclaim 

“Said I had a dirty mouth..” He sings back at me, quoting the line from Best Song Ever and making me collapse into yet another fit of giggles. 

Taking my hand, Harry leads me towards the large oak double doors and turns the key, as we step outside a burly looking security guard stands with his arms folded nods to us. 

“Was everything to your satisfaction sir?” he asks formally and I clap a hand over my mouth in a pitiful attempt to cover my laughter, the guard looks at me, confused, his eyebrows furrowed together, before turning his attention back to Harry, no doubt hoping for a more sensible answer than a high pitched giggle. 

“Everything was perfect. Thank you” Harry says kindly, squeezing my hand to let me know his words are just as much for me as the guard, before turning me off towards the elevators to head back to our suite, both of us wearing silly matching grins.


	83. Chapter 83

Katie's perspective

As we make our way through arrivals at Heathrow, I try my best to keep my head down and stay a couple of paces behind Harry, it's 3 pm on a Monday afternoon and the airport is fairly busy, we were lucky in Paris, well it was part luck, part good planning by Harry, but we managed to escape being spotted for the majority of our trip, except for one small group of schoolgirls who caught us at the top of the Eiffel Tower yesterday. They were very sweet though and were way too busy being starstruck to notice me at Harry's side. 

Judging by the high pitched screams that assault my ears as we make our way towards the airport exit though, our luck has very much run out. 

“I'm sorry babe, I guess someone must have gotten wind that I was flying in today” Harry apologises unnecessarily 

“Don't apologise, please. It's really not your fault” I say, flashing him a nervous smile “Why don't you go on ahead and I'll follow behind in a couple of minutes?” I suggest not wanting to force a joint photo op on Harry after everything I already put him through when Michael went to the press.   
As much as I hated the situation with Sarah, it did do exactly what Jeff had said it would and get the press to back off of me, as far as they are concerned, Harry is back to what they expect from him and is dating the blonde model from LA, I am just a distant memory in a long stream of supposed Ex's they've written stories about since he rose to fame. Reaching out, I try to take the handle of my bright pink suitcase that Harry, ever the gentleman, insisted on wheeling through the airport. 

“You don't have to do that” He replies simply, manoeuvring the suitcase away from my outstretched hand 

“Are you sure?” I ask him nervously, my voice coming out as barely more than a whisper “After everything with Michael.. do you really want to be publicly connected to me again?”

“Darling, it's not about what I want, or my image or whatever, It's about when you feel ready” Harry says, coming to stop just before the main exit and pulling me to one side “I'm not ashamed of you, I'm proud to have such a strong beautiful woman as you by my side, and now that you're coming on tour with me, well, you are going to be seen, people are going to come to their own conclusions. If you'd rather not deal with this today, then I totally understand of course, but, it's going to happen sometime, and I knew that when I asked you to come with me” He shrugs, running the pad of his thumb across my jawline as he cradles my face in his large hand behind a large stone pillar. 

Taking a deep breath I gaze up into Harry's eyes, searching them for some sign of trepidation to contradict his words. Of course, it did occur to me when he invited me to go on tour, that there would be a good chance I would be seen, but I guess I had thought I could just blend in with the rest of the crew and stay out of sight. The small army of photographers and fans outside are starting to make me realise how naïve that was though, Harry's fans are desperate for any sightings, any pieces of information about his private life that they can get, and they'll recognise me immediately no matter how hard I try and stay out of the way. 

“It'll be fine baby I promise,” Harry says, taking my hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze

“Ok” I mumble, trying to syphon off some of his strength through our connected digits and squaring my shoulders. “No time like the present I guess” 

“Just keep looking forward, don't answer any questions, and stay close to me ok?” He instructs me with a kind smile as a small group of security appear by our sides ready to assist us in getting to the car. 

The moment we step outside I am instantly blinded by the multitude of flashing lights going off all around us, women young and old scream and shout, calling out to Harry for autographs or a selfie, but he doesn't slow to speak to them. Throwing his spare arm around my waist, Harry pulls me tightly into his side, his fingers digging into the soft skin above my hip as we make our way through the throng of people. 

“Harry! Harry! What happened with you and Sarah?” a photographer calls from the crowd

“Harry who's the girl?” calls another

“Harry over here mate please,” a third asks as he holds his camera high in the air over the heads of the screaming fans who have managed to push their way in front of him. 

The security guards manage to do a good job of keeping us from being jostled too much, but by the time we reach the road, I am very much ready to get out of here, thankfully I spot Toby's smiling face through the crowds as he makes his way towards us and relieves Harry of our bags, placing them quickly into the boot of the Land Rover. 

“Oh my god, that's what Katie girl! The one he took to the theatre, remember?” I hear a young girl exclaim to her friend as Toby opens the car door and I jump inside, grateful that I don't have to hear what her friend thinks of the fact that I am on Harry's arm again, his fans miss nothing. 

Harry clambers in moments later and I am grateful for the tinted windows as he leans over to give me a quick kiss

“You did wonderfully,” He says, beaming over at me 

“That was crazy! Is it always like that?” I ask him as Toby starts to wind through the late afternoon traffic 

“Haha!” Harry barks loudly, his booming voice filling the car, “That's nothing, wait until we go to Asia and South America... then you'll see crazy, I don't get over to those parts of the world as much as I do the UK or the US, so the fans tend to be a bit more eager to see me” he shrugs, as if its the most normal thing in the world to have crowds of screaming women greeting you every time you walk through an airport. 

“Hmm, maybe I'll travel separately to those shows” I tease him and we keep up a healthy stream of banter about the upcoming tour for the remainder of the journey back to his house in Hampstead. 

By the time we pull up on the driveway I am dozing on Harry's shoulder, barely listening to the conversation he and Toby are having about some football match that we missed whilst we were away and I honestly don't think I could be less interested if I tried. As Harry opens my door for me and I step out into the cold evening and pull my jacket tighter around my shoulders, bowing my head against the strong wind blowing around us. 

“Katie?” Harry calls to me 

“Hmm?” 

“Happy birthday” his low voice drawls 

Confused, I snap my head up to look at him and am startled to see him standing next to a bright yellow car on the drive.. only, it is not the bright yellow car I was expecting to see. I left my car here before we went away, but the car Harry is now leaning up against is a brand new Mini Cooper, topped with the biggest black silk bow I have ever seen... 

“Harry! What did you do!!” I whisper in amazement, trying to pick my jaw up off of the floor “Where's my car?” I ask him 

“Right here baby,” He says, gesturing to the mini and clicking a button on the keys in his hand to open the door, pulling it open. “Before Jeff managed to get Michael to sign the NDA, I decided it was time to replace your car, I didn't want him knowing what you drove any more. So I had Lou come with me to pick this one out, but then that night... you had the asthma attack, so I never got chance to give it to you. So I figured it could be one last birthday gift” He says, grinning from ear to ear, clearly very proud of himself

“I... I don't know what to say” I mumble, taking small steps towards him. He bought me a car?! 

“Do you like it? It took a little while to source one in this colour, but I knew it had to be yellow, given that it's your favourite...” Harry rambles

Suddenly the magnitude of the amount of trouble he has gone to hits me like a ton of bricks, I close the remaining few feet between us in seconds and throw my arms around his neck, he catches me mid-jump and holds me close against his muscular chest. 

“You bought me a car!!” I exclaim as Harry chuckles into my ear “I love it, Harry! Thank you!!” I squeal, making him cringe away from me slightly at the high pitched noise I emit

The next day, Harry has several meetings lined up with the band and Jeff, to finalise the setlist for the tour and their rehearsal schedules, which is just perfect timing, as I need to get him out of the house for a few hours so that Lou and I can set up his surprise... 

“Are you sure you'll be ok?” he asks me for the tenth time since my hospital stay, Harry has become really useless at leaving my side for longer than a few minutes at a time, it's quite adorable really. 

“I will be fine I promise! Lou will be here in half an hour, we're just going to have a girly catch up, you're better off out of here so you don't have to listen to us, really! Now, will you go already?” I tease him, pushing him down the long hallway towards the front door

“If I didn't know better, I'd say you were happy to be getting rid of me” He pouts as he reaches the end of the hallway and turns back to look at me

“Aww, of course, I'm not... but you have a tour to plan Mr, so get going,” I say kissing him lightly in goodbye, but, as always, he has other ideas. His long arms snake out and wrap around my waist, putting me tightly against him and sliding his tongue past my lips, deepening our kiss. When he finally pulls away from me, I am breathless and have to reach out a hand to steady myself against the wall when he lets me go. 

“That should keep you going for a couple of hours” He chuckles as he opens the door “Have fun with Lou!” 

“Damn you Styles” I call after him jokingly, I watch as he pulls out of the driveway, effortlessly manoeuvring his oversized car, what is it that's so sexy about watching a man drive? I wonder as I finally close the door, shaking my head to clear the images that have settled there and trying to bring myself back to reality, pulling my phone from my pocket I send a quick text to both Lou and Mel. 

“The coast is clear! How soon can you get here? xx” I ask each of them in turn

“I'll drop Lex off at my mums' and come straight over xoxo” comes her reply moments later. 

“Ben will bring me over in about an hour xxx” Mel's response pings through a few minutes after.

Glad that the girls are on there way to help me and not wanting to waste any more time, I quickly rush out to the garage and locate the stash of food and alcohol that Toby kindly picked up whilst we were in Paris, and get to work setting things up for the rather belated surprise birthday party I have arranged, with Lou's help, for Harry tonight. 

By 5 pm everything is pretty much ready to go, Mel, Lou and I have spent most of the afternoon hiding out in the kitchen cooking various nibbles and treats for the party, as well as a rather large cake which I have just been putting the final decorations on. The remainder of our time has been spent hanging decorations all around the ground floor of Harry's palatial London house, twinkling white fairy lights now hang from the ceilings and around the bannisters, whist balloons float around in the corners. The finishing touches are several hundred Polaroid pictures of Harry throughout various stages of his life that we have stuck to the walls. Whilst I would be horrified at the thought of photos of me in the bath as a toddler being seen by all my friends and colleagues, knowing how narcissistic my boyfriend is, I am sure that he'll absolutely love them.

“Right, about time to get ourselves ready I think?” Lou says as we survey our handiwork in the entrance hall and the DJ finishes setting up a couple of mic stands in the living room for the karaoke we've got planned for later. 

“Yes! Then shots!” Mel giggles 

“I think I'll leave the shots to you thanks” I laugh back at Mel, shaking my head as we make out way upstairs with Lou lamenting that she won't have time to cut my hair before the guests arrive in about an hour and pulling at my split ends. She's arranged for Jeff to bring Harry back at about 7 pm, so that everyone else has time to arrive before he gets here, and I've asked everyone to park in the pub car park down the street so as to not spoil the surprise with all their cars being sat on the driveway when Harry gets home, hopefully I haven't forgotten anything I think to myself as I head into the en-suite for a shower, I'm fairly certain I got as much icing on me as I did on the cake. 

By 6:45 the party is already in full swing, various members of Harry's family are lurking in a corner of the living room picking at the snacks, whilst a bunch of his friends are embroiled in a rather intense guitar hero battle in the study, others mingle around chatting and catching up with each other as we wait for the guest of honour to arrive. 

A fair few of the people here tonight were also present at Harry's New years eve party in LA but this is the first time I've met most of his family and friends from back in Manchester, and to say it's been nerve-wracking is an understatement, I don't think my hands have stopped shaking since Anne and Gemma arrived, they were both incredibly kind to me, giving me big hugs and thanking me for going to so much trouble for Harry, but as more guests have been arriving in a steady stream, I've not had much chance to really talk to them yet. 

At 6:55, Lou grabs my hand and drags me over to the DJ and hands me the microphone. The DJ cuts the generic dance track that's been playing and gestures towards me, giving me the floor as it were. 

“Um, hi!” I say nervously, feeling my face reddening and desperately trying to avoid the eyes of the many famous people in the room so that I don't lose the power of speech entirely. “Harry will be here in just a couple of minutes, so if everyone can come out into the entrance hall, please... well, that'd be great. Thanks” I ramble, shoving the microphone back at the DJ and accidentally hitting him in the chest with it in my haste to be rid of the thing and out of the spotlight. 

Quickly, everyone makes there way out into the hall and positions themselves to great the guest of honour, I can hear the engine of Jeff's sports car rumbling to a stop on the driveway and the dulled sounds of car doors shutting as I find a space in a corner between Lou and Mel and barely dare to breath as I hear Harry's keys jingling outside the front door and the low drawl of his voice as he says something to Jeff that I can't make out through the thick oak door.


	84. Chapter 84

Katie's perspective

“SURPRISE!!!” the guests all shout loudly as the door swings open and an utterly bemused Harry jumps slightly, before freezing completely with one foot inside and one foot out, his hand still on his keys which are still in the door, for a few seconds before his trademark megawatt smile splits across his features 

“Fucking hell” He curses, a long fingered hand pressed over his heart as his eyes scan the room, spotting his mum and Gemma first “Mum!” He exclaims, and rushes towards her, enveloping her in a huge hug and abandoning his keys in the door. “Gems! This is amazing, I had no idea... “ He greets various people by name as he spots them in the crowd but I can see his emerald eyes flickering quickly over the faces, and I know he's searching for me. 

After a few minutes, our eyes meet and he extricates himself from the bear hug Olly Murs is currently giving him to make his way over to me, taking slow measured steps to close the distance. 

“You?” He asks in a low voice, reaching out and taking my hands in his

“I had some help,” I tell him, indicating Lou and Mel at my sides. 

“This is wondeful! No ones ever thrown me a surprise party before! Not successfully anyway! I had no idea” He sees excitedly as he gives me a hug 

“You really didn't know?” I ask him, surprised that I have managed to pull this off without giving the game away, I was sure I had slipped up a couple of times in Paris and I know he was curious as to why I was texting Lou so much... I was positive he'd have guessed we were planning something.   
“Nope. I had no clue. You're amazing” He says happily giving me a quick kiss. 

“Go and greet the rest of your guests birthday boy, you can kiss me anytime” I giggle at him, pushing him away slightly, a lot of the guests have turned to start their own conversations to give Harry and I moment of privacy, but I am very conscious of the fact that we are utterly surrounded by people and I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks once again. 

As I make my way over to the buffet table to finally indulge in some of the food we prepared earlier a couple of hours later, I feel his arms slide around my waist from behind and a soft kiss press against my temple

“Have I told you today how much I love you?” Harry asks me in a low voice, whispering in my ear and causing tiny flyaway strands of hair to float across my face. 

“Hmm” I contemplate, teasing him as I turn in his arms to face him. “I don't think you have actually, quite rude really, considering all the trouble I've gone to today,” I say gesturing around us at the guests who, thankfully, all seem to be having a great time

“Aww I'm sorry, let me take this opportunity to tell you then, that you, Katie Francis, are without a doubt the most amazing person I have ever met, and I love you more than you could possibly know” He says sincerely, his gaze boring down into mine, and I am grateful that his arms are still around me or I might have fallen over at the intense look he is giving me, combined with his beautiful words. 

Blushing, I struggle to find my voice “I think I know exactly actually, because I love you just as much” I tell him leaning forward to press my lips against his, before the kiss can get too x-rated for such a public setting, I feel my phone vibrate against my ankle, where it's been tucked into one of my boots all night, the short black dress I chose for this evening not offering any alternative options.

“Hold that thought.. there might be more surprises yet to come that may make you love me just a tiny bit more than I love you” I giggle, and quickly pulling out my phone I check the text message I have received. 

“We're here” It reads simply. 

“I'll be right back, wait here,” I tell Harry and pass him my half-full plate of food, which he promptly starts shovelling into his mouth, sticking his tongue out before each and every mouthful, god he's a dork, but he's my dork. I think to myself, feeling a huge smile stretching across my own lips as I make my way out into the entrance hall. 

Harry's perspective

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Hazza! Happy birthday to you” Chime three very familiar voices over the sound of the Rolling Stones track that the DJ is currently playing and my head whips up towards the door of the living room, how on earth... 

Three pairs of arms throw themselves awkwardly around me in unison and instantly I feel more at home than I have done in months as the three boys who I have begun to think of us brothers surround me in a sort of group hug/jump. 

“Niall! I thought you were on tour!” I exclaim as we finally pull apart

“Not till next month mate, as if I was going to turn down the chance to come and see ya and meet this woman of yours I've heard so much about” Niall replies in his thick Irish accent 

“Hey, hey, hands off her Nialler, I've told you already, if he fucks up with her again I'm having her” Louis chimes in with a wink, throwing his arm around Katie's shoulder and pulling her to his side. 

“Enough of that!” I say, with mock offence, and take Katie's hand, she steps willingly out of Louis embrace and into mine, leaving him frowning childishly “What makes you so sure I will fuck up again anyways?” I ask him with a small punch to the arm with my free hand 

“Erm, experience?” He states matter of factly earning himself a slightly harder punch. 

“Alright, alright, Katie, you already know this idiot,” I say gesturing at Louis “But this is Nialler and Liam, boys, this is my girl,” I say proudly 

“Nice to meet you!” Liam says happily, kissing Katie's cheek before I can make any further introductions though, an insanely loud scream splits the air around us and I spin around trying to locate the source. 

“Your fucking One Direction!!!!!” Mel exclaims loudly, bounding over to us and throwing her arms around Liam's neck. “You've always been my favourite! I was starting to think I was never gonna get to meet you!” she says as she embraces him and I let out a low chuckle at the look of complete confusion on Liam's face as he raises an eyebrow at me over Mel's shoulder. 

“Mel put the boy down, you don't know where he's been” Katie scolds her friend, dragging her off of Liam and keeping a firm grip on her hand so that she can't get loose again. “I'm sorry Liam, this is my flatmate and best friend, Mel,” Katie says by way of explanation 

“erm, hi,” Liam says, as his shoulders visibly relax now that he knows who Mel is 

“Good to meet ya, but what's all this about Liam being your favourite? And where's my hug?” Niall interjects with a smile

I watch Mel give Katie a pleading look and, after pretending to contemplate for a few seconds, Katie nods and releases Mel's hand, she throws herself at Niall with such force that he has to reach out and put his arm against the wall to stop himself from being knocked over, causing a roar of laughter to erupt from the rest of us. 

“You asked for it mate” I tease him, “I can't believe you're all here,” I say shell-shocked, trying to remember the last time we were all in the same room together. I think it was when Louis' mum passed away, since then, as much as we've all kept in touch, our conflicting schedules have made it practically impossible to find time to meet up as a four again, especially with two of the boys now being dads. 

We spend a fair bit of time catching up and just as I am starting to feel guilty for neglecting my other guests, and wondering where Katie has got to, I hear my sisters' familiar tones boom across the room

“Oi little brother, get your arse up here. Or are you too big a superstar now to sing with me?” She shouts down the microphone, I swear her voice would carry across the room perfectly well without one. 

“Seriously Gem?” I call back, I know exactly what she's gonna make me sing, and I am nowhere near drunk enough, but when I meet my mothers' eyes across the room and see the pleading look in them, I know I've got no choice. Heaving myself up off the sofa I grab a jello shot from the nearby table and knock it back quickly as I make my way to Gem's side and adjust the mic stand. 

“When me and this idiot here were kids, this was our go-to Karaoke song, so! I figured what better time to utterly embarrass him than here in front of everyone he knows?” Gem says happily

I can see several of my peers in the music business hiding smirks behind their hands, Niall, of course, is cheering and egging Gemma on, and my mum seems to have gotten hold of Katie and they are making there way to stand in front of the small crowd that has gathered around the makeshift stage the DJ must have set up whilst I was out earlier. Of course, most, if not all the people in this room have heard me sing this song before, as I did it with James on carpool Karaoke last year, but this feels a fair bit more intimate than prating around in the car with my mate. 

As the first chords start, I shoot Gem a glare and whisper “You're gonna pay for this” under my breath. 

“Don't threaten me with your own song lyrics you narcissist!” she hisses back just as my first line starts so that I have no chance to reply. 

“My love,  
There's only you in my life  
The only thing that's bright

My first love,  
You're every breath that I take  
You're every step I make

And I  
(I-I-I-I-I)  
I want to share  
All my love with you  
No one else will do...

And your eyes  
Your eyes, your eyes  
They tell me how much you care  
Ooh yes, you will always be  
My endless love

Two hearts,  
Two hearts that beat as one  
Our lives have just begun

Forever  
(ohhhhhh)  
I'll hold you close in my arms  
I can't resist your charms

And love  
Oh, love  
I'll be a fool  
For you,  
I'm sure  
You know I don't mind  
Oh, you know I don't mind

'cause you,  
You mean the world to me  
Oh  
I know  
I know  
I've found in you  
My endless love

Oooh-woow  
Boom, boom  
Boom, boom, boom, boom, booom  
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom

Oooh, and love  
Oh, love  
I'll be that fool  
For you,  
I'm sure  
You know I don't mind  
Oh you know  
I don't mind

And, yes  
You'll be the only one  
'cause no one can deny  
This love I have inside  
And I'll give it all to you  
My love  
My love, my love  
My endless love”

By the time the song comes to an end, I've gotta admit I'm enjoying myself, the performer in me can't resist a good crowd and I've played up to it as much as possible exaggerating every line of the song and throwing in some cheesy dance moves for good measure. 

“That was hilarious!” Katie beams up at me as I leave the stage and join her side

“Hmm, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It'll be your turn soon” I say nodding back towards the karaoke set up where Lou and a couple of our other friends are setting themselves up to take on the next song.   
“Haha! You've got more chance of me suddenly deciding I love flying than you have of me getting up to sing in front of some of the countries best artists” She fires back, and taking in my various musician friends scattered around the room, I can't say I blame her for refusing I would have done as well given half a chance. 

 

Katie's perspective 

By midnight a lot of Harry's family have said there goodbyes and headed off to various hotels they have booked into for the night, but the party is still going strong. Harry is really quite tipsy by this point and I am quickly discovering that the more my man has to drink, the more clingy he becomes. 

“Harry unless you are going to come to the bathroom with me, then you really are going to have to let me go,” I say to him as patiently as I can manage as his arms tighten around my waist

“I'll come then!” He exclaims, swaying slightly as I try and wriggle out of his grip

“Erm, no, you really can't. I love you, but there are something's I really don't think we need to share” I giggle. Thankfully Lou appears at exactly the right moment, she has a knack for doing that I've noticed, and hands, Harry, a bright green jello shot, leaving me free to make my escape. 

As I make my way along the hallway and back towards the party after my trip to the toilet, I spot Jeff leaning against the wall at the top of the stairs with his arms folded across his chest. I had wanted to find the chance to talk to him, but I hadn't really intended for it to be tonight, but there is no way I can get past him without him noticing me. Taking a steadying breath I clear my throat. 

“Hi Jeff,” I say politely

“Katie! I was looking for you, Harry said you might be up here, I wanted to have a quick chat if you don't mind?” he says kindly, smiling down at me, his eyes are slightly unfocused and I wonder if he's had more to drink than Harry

“Sure, I actually wanted to talk to you too,” I tell him “I wanted to thank you, for all your help with Michael, I can't tell you how much of a relief it was when Harry told me you'd got him to sign the non-disclosure thing. I really do appreciate all the trouble you went to, I know he's not an easy man to deal with” 

“No no, there's no need to thank me!” Jeff drawls in his thick American accent, his speech slightly slurred. “It was the least I could do. Look, I know I've been an asshole to you, and you didn't deserve it, I'm really, truly sorry for all the trouble I caused. You seem to make H really happy, and god knows he deserves a bit of happiness. I'm glad he has you” 

“Thank you, Jeff, I hope I do, make him happy I mean, he's the best person I know,” I say quietly whilst examining the floor, not quite able to meet his eyes. 

“Friends?” Jeff asks, extending a hand out towards me. I place my own in it shyly and shake it quickly. 

“Friends” I agree. “But I think it's about time one of us went and checked on Harry.. god knows how much trouble he's managed to get himself into whilst we've been up here,” I say with a slight giggle and Jeff gestures for me to walk down the stairs ahead of him. 

“Is that...?” I ask him as we reach the bottom and hear the introduction to a very familiar song booming out of the speakers

“It is...” Jeff nods and, taking my hand, he speeds up and pulls me with him towards the living room

The sight on the small stage is not one I expected to see anytime soon, if ever and my heart catches in my throat slightly and that happiness emitting from the four huge smiles on the faces of the men stood there. Harry, Liam, Louis and Niall are stood behind the two microphone stands, and as Liam sings the first line, I find Mel and slide my hand into hers, knowing that this moment will mean even more to her than it does me. 

“You're insecure,  
Don't know what for,  
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,  
Don't need make-up,  
To cover up,  
Being the way that you are is enough,

As Harry starts to sing his first lines, he sticks out his long, tattoo-covered left arm and points at me

Everyone else in the room can see it,  
Everyone else but you,

Baby, you light up my world like nobody else,  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,  
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,  
You don't know,  
Oh, oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
If only you saw what I can see,  
You'd understand why I want you so desperately,  
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,  
You don't know,  
Oh, oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
Oh, oh,  
That's what makes you beautiful

So c-come on.  
You got it wrong.  
To prove I'm right  
I put it in a song.  
I don't know why  
You're being shy,  
And turn away when I look into your eye-eye-eyes,

Everyone else in the room can see it,  
Everyone else but you,

Baby you light up my world like nobody else,  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,  
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,  
You don't know,  
Oh oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
If only you saw what I can see,  
You'll understand why I want you so desperately,  
Right  
now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,  
You don't know,  
Oh oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
Oh oh,

That's what makes you beautiful

Na na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na”

By the time the boys reach the climax of the song, Mel and I are dancing happily like fangirls right in front of the stage, and have been joined by Lou, Glynne, Gemma and a few of Harry's other friends, we are all screaming during the breaks of the song and mock fainting whenever one of the boys looks at us. 

But when Harry grabs a mic and jumps down from the stage, I find myself screaming in earnest as he stands mere feet away from me and sings his solo

 

“Baby you light up my world like nobody else,  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,  
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,  
You don't know,  
Oh oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,”

The rest of the boys continue to finish off their best-known hit, but for Harry and I, the song is forgotten as he pulls me into his embrace and kisses me passionately, ignoring the whoops and cheers that emit from the crowd around us and the “Get a room” That Niall helpfully adds down the microphone. I feel the familiar heat rising in my body as the fire ignites between us whilst the remaining 3 members of the biggest boy band in the world finish their song. 

“Baby you light up my world like nobody else,  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,  
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,  
You don't know,  
Oh oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful (Oh),  
If only you saw what I can see,  
You'll understand why I want you so desperately  
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,  
You don't know,  
Oh oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
Oh oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
Oh oh,

That's what makes you beautiful”


	85. Chapter 85 - Epilogue

Katie's perspective. 

“Shall we just search romantic comedies on Netflix and see what we can find?” The opening line from Harry's track Woman echoes throughout the arena and I feel his Mum, Anne's grip tighten around my hand as we stand just by the B Stage at London's o2, impatiently awaiting Harry's arrival on stage. As the large curved screen which has been covering most of the stage and playing Harry's opening cartoon graphics for the last twenty minutes or so finally starts to rise, I suck in a deep breath and feel just as exhilarated as I did the first time I witnessed this spectacle in person.   
When the lights finally dim slightly, I can make out the perfect form of my boyfriend, wearing a tight pink Matador style jacket and black trousers, both adorned with gold glitter, starting to prance around the stage as the crowd scream and shout back at him, he is trying to rile them up with his exuberant dance moves, but they really don't need any encouragement from him, they are all utterly under his spell as he starts to sing. 

“Open up your eyes, shut your mouth and see  
That I'm still the only one who's been in love with me  
I'm just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth  
And there's nothing I can do about it.   
Broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door  
I got splinters in my knuckles crawling cross the floor  
Couldn't take you home to mother in a skirt that short  
But I think that's what I like about it

She's an angel  
Only angel  
She's an angel  
My only angel”

Standing in a small fenced of area, proudly wearing my bright yellow 'Treat People With Kindness' T-shirt, a colour Harry had added to the merchandise for this tour especially for me, I dance happily along to the uptempo song with Anne, Gemma, Nick Grimshaw and Mel who have all joined us for tonight show. Harry and I have been on the road for exactly one month today, his arena tour began with a bang in Switzerland in March, where he premiered two new songs which weren't on his album, Medicine, and Oh Anna, which has been my favourite since he sang it to me back in his living room in LA all those months ago. I have happily followed Harry and his band, who the fans have endearingly nicknamed CHASM, all around Europe, from Switzerland to France then on to the Netherlands for a show in Amsterdam, which so far I think has been my favourite show, not least because Harry wore an outfit designed by a young up and coming English designer, Harris Reed, and god did he look amazing in it! I watched from backstage in Belguim, Sweden and Denmark after coming down with a horrid cold, Harry was determined I wasn't allowed to be out in the crowd just in case my asthma decided to play up again. By the time we got to Germany, he had worked out a space for me and any of his other guests to watch the show from just by the sound mixing desk by the B stage, even ensuring there were fold away plastic chairs on hand just in case I got out of breath and needed to sit down. From Germany, we flew to Spain, Italy, back to Germany. Then came the UK leg of the tour. After amazing shows in Birmingham and Manchester, during which the audience had me in tears when they held up signs remembering the 22 people that were lost in the terrorist attack at the arena the year before when Harry sang a song that he wrote but had been recorded by Ariana Grande, who's concert the attack happened at. And now here we are, back in London. I must admit I am excited to spend two nights sleeping in Harrys incredibly comfortable bed in his London house, and there is an amazing atmosphere in the arena tonight for what a lot of the fans, and Harry himself, consider to be a homecoming show for him. 

During Harry's second track of the night – Woman, Nick sings so loudly that I am convinced the people around us will no longer be able to hear Harry, he is completely off-key and slightly out of time as he wails along, and several heads in the rows around us spin around to look. 

“I hope you can see, the shape that I'm in  
While he's touching your skin  
He's right where I should, where I should be  
But you're making me bleed

Woman  
Woman (la la la la la la lala)   
W-Woman   
Woman”

Thankfully Nick turns down his volume slightly during the next couple of songs and I am able to enjoy them in relative peace. I keep thinking that I will start getting bored of watching the shows soon, that's nothing against Harry or his talent, but listening to the same 17 songs each and every night of the tour is bound to get a bit repetitive eventually, but so far, I am still enjoying every single minute of every single show, noticing the slightly different speeches he makes between tracks, cringing at his slightly crazy dance moves and whooping along with the rest of the crowd whenever he does anything remotely sexy, which lets be honest, is about every 4-5 minutes. I only get a little bit jealous of the thousands of other women watching him with me wishing it was them he was going to go home with at the end of the night. I love laughing at the interactions between Harry and the rest of the band, Mitch in particular who Harry has a very close bond with, I think having Mitch to lark around with on stage fills the small hole Harry feels not having the rest of the One Direction boys with him, especially in these bigger arenas, and as much as Mitch is quite reserved and laid back, he deals with Harry's madness well, with the help of a glass or two of wine which he always has to hand during every performance. 

As Harry launches into Medicine, I watch in awe as 20,000 people sing every word of the track back to him, despite the fact that it has never been released, there is no studio version for them to download from the internet or stream on Spotify, but his dedicated following have listened to the videos of the track being sung at the shows and diligently learnt every word, even making up a few of their own along the way. I happily join in when the entire audience screams back 'Tasted' at him at the end of the pre-chorus. 

“Here to take my medicine, take my medicine  
Treat you like a Gentleman  
Give me that adrenaline, that adrenaline  
Think I'm gonna stick with you  
Here to take my medicine, take my medicine  
Rest it on your fingertips  
Up to your mouth, feeling it out  
Feeling it out

I had a few, got drunk on you and now I'm wasted  
And when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you (TASTED!!!)” 

As Meet me in the Hallway begins, Anne and I have a bit of a cuddle, standing with our arms wrapped around each other's waists, my head on her shoulder. The pain in Harry's voice when he sings this song hurts us both and although I've never asked Harry to explain it to me, I know it was written about a time in his life that was particularly painful so I can't help but hurt on his behalf as he sings the melancholy song. Towards the last few lines though, the ambience in the room is shattered as hundreds, maybe thousands of excited fans start to run towards the barriers that surround the long walkway which Harry will walk down to reach the B stage. I know that this part of the show is a real favourite of his, as he gets to get really up close and personal with his fans and thank as many of them as he can individually for taking the time to come along and see him. Only Harry and Mitch come over to this stage, to sing just two songs, Sweet Creature, where Mitch accompanies Harry on the guitar, and if I could fly, which Harry plays alone. He put that song into the setlist this year at the very last minute, after it became kinda of 'our song' the lyrics seeming to describe our relationship so perfectly, and each night when I am in the crowd, I sing the lyrics back to him at the top of my lungs and he always makes sure to meet my eyes for the line 'I hope that you don't run from me'. He has warned me that later in the tour, once we reach Asia and South America, I will probably have to sit up in the VIP rooms and not venture down in the crowds, but he's promised that no matter where I am, he'll always look for me to sing me that one line. 

When Harry reaches the B stage, he spends a few moments trying to talk to some of the fans down this end of the arena, who've spent hundreds of pounds and god knows how long travelling to get here, just to be in the same room as him even if they don't have a very good view for most of the show. And tonight is no different, after Sweet Creature, he begins to ask the crowd if they are having a good time and asks one particular fan her name. 

“You having a good time? What's your name?” Harry asks “Katie. You having a good time Katie?” but soon it becomes clear that he has misheard the fans name, “Katie? Kacey? KD? Katie?” he repeats again and I feel Nick elbow me in the ribs to get my attention 

“See? Even when he's meant to be working he can't get you out of his head. That poor girl, bet her names Veronica or something else a million miles away from Katie” He says jokingly

Laughing I shoulder him back playfully “Aww leave him alone, you know he's rubbish at hearing the fans names above all the shouting” I say playfully, but when Harry returns to his mic stand having ventured off to lean into the crowd and ascertain the girls name, he gives me a sly wink as he says into the microphone “Kansie, we sorted it out” 

“The next song that I'm gonna sing for you is a song that I wrote in, er 2015, and, if you know any of the words then please do sing it, especially if your name is Katie or Kansie” He finishes, giving me one last smile as he begins to strum his guitar and begin the track. I am lost in the moment as every other fan in the room whilst he sings the now familiar words, and I sing along as loud as I can with Mel, waiting patiently for Harry to catch my eye during the last chorus. 

“I can feel your heart inside mine  
I've been going out of my mind  
Know that I'm just wasting time and I  
Hope that you don't run from me

For your eyes only  
I'll show you my heart  
For  
when you're lonely  
And forget who you are

I'm missing half of me  
When we're apart  
Now you know me, for your eyes only”

On his way back to the main stage, Harry reaches over and fist bumps Nick, taking the opportunity to mouth “love you” at me as he goes flying past. Sarah, his drummer is already playing the opening beat to the next track, Oh Anna and its a bit of a race for Harry to get back to the main stage and grab his guitar to join in. Mel, Gemma and I dance around like mad people for Oh Anna and Harry's solo version of What makes you Beautiful, which always takes me back to another night, in another London venue, nearly 6 months ago, when Harry invited me back for the second of two shows at the Hammersmith Eventim Apollo and pointed up at me in the dress circle and sang the lines of the chorus directly to me. I think a part of me loved him even then, not that I would have ever dared to admit it to myself. 

As thousands of people raise their phones high in the air, shining their torches proudly at Harry's request as the lights in the arena dim for Sign of the times, I sneak a glance at Mel.. unable to resist as I hear Harry singing the familiar lyrics I call out to her loudly. 

“Just stop your crying  
It's a sign of the times  
We gotta get away from here  
We gotta get away from here  
Stop your crying  
Baby, it will be alright  
They told me that the end is near  
We gotta get away from here”

"Mel? Mel? Fuck. Mel?" I shout as loudly as I can over the music and tug on her arm 

"You alright babe?" She replies, turning to me looking confused

"No..Can't breathe," I say back quietly, breaking my words up as much as I can for added effect. 

“Oh shit Katie not again! Are you allergic to this fucking song?!” Mel exclaims, and I can't keep a straight face any longer, doubling over in hysterics at my own joke, I apologise to Mel through my laughter. 

“I'm sorry!! I could resist! God, you should see your face, I wish I'd thought to film that!” I call out to her as the song ends and Harry runs off stage to pretend the show has finished before the encore that we all know is coming. 

“You bitch!” Mel says, slapping me lightly across the arm “How is that even slightly funny?” She screams out, a little too loudly in the now quiet arena and a few heads turn to look over at us. Thankfully, Nick, Gemma and Anne have taken this opportunity to head backstage, not wanting to get caught out here in the crush as people try and leave the arena shortly, so I don't have to worry about being embarrassed in front of Harry's mother at least, we've come full circle and now its just me and Mel standing in alone at a Harry Styles concert in London. 

When I finally manage to get my laughter under control, I smirk over at her “Oh come on! If I can't laugh at this damn illness I might as well give up now! Besides, that night may not have gone exactly how we planned, but if I hadn't have had that asthma attack, I'd never have met the love of my life! We wouldn't be standing here now, I wouldn't have travelled all around Europe with Harry and his team! As far as I'm concerned, that asthma attack was the best thing that ever happened to me.” I tell her firmly, and she eventually relents and pulls me in for a hug. 

“You're right, I've never known you to be this happy Katie, and he loves you so much, a blind man could see it” she replies as the opening bars of Harry's final slow song of the night, From the dining table, begin to echo across the huge space and the crowd falls silent in deference to the sad lyrics. 

“Woke up alone in this hotel room  
Played with myself, where were you?   
Fell back to sleep, I got drunk by noon  
I've never felt less cool 

We haven't spoke, since you went away  
Comfortable silence is so overrated  
Why won't you ever be the first one to break?   
Even my phone, misses your call, by the way.” 

As the last bars of Kiwi reverberate through the arena, I watch as Harry takes a large mouthful of water into his mouth before powerfully spitting it up into the air above his head, and remember fondly when he tried to teach me to do that in the bathroom of our hotel in Germany after his fans started the 'Harry Whale challenge' on Twitter, I quickly found out that its not half as easy as he makes it look, and god knows what the cleaning crew at the hotel thought when they went into our room after we checked out the next day and they had to wipe up the water speckled across the bathroom ceiling. Normally I go backstage during the penultimate song of Harry's set, his cover of Fleetwood Mac's, The Chain, so that I can be ready to run out to our waiting car the minute the show is over and get out of the venue before all the fans do and the traffic becomes impossible to move through, but tonight I am hitching a ride back with Ben and Mel instead, as Kiwi is one of my favourites and I never get to see it, I thought I'd take the opportunity, and I am glad I did, as usual Harry doesn't disappoint, keeping the fans aboslutely entranced until the very last second when he runs off the stage. Even as the lights come on in the arena and 1950 starts to play through the speakers, the energy is electric, there are several groups of girls hugging and crying, devastated that the show is over already, others are running out the doors as quickly as they can to try and get to the tube station before everyone else does, and still more are singing One Direction's back catalogue of hits at the top of their lungs, and waving their pride flags in the air gleefully as they dance around in the pit with their friends. It's amazing to see how much happiness one man can bring to so many people just by doing the thing that he loves the most and in that moment, I couldn't be more proud of him  
. 

Later that night, Harry and I are curled up in bed at his house in London, snuggled deep under the thick duvet to keep out the unusually cold weather and talking quietly about anything and everything. It always takes Harry a little while to 'come down' from his stage high after a show, and its become our custom to curl up in bed with the big bang theory on Netflix and eat junk food and make love until he feels calm enough to try and sleep and tonight is no exception, despite the fact that Anne and Gemma are sleeping soundly on the floor below us. As Harry's strong arms wrap around me and he pulls me against him, my back to his chest, I can feel his growing excitement digging in to the small of my back and as a small groan escapes my lips, I am grateful that he thought to sound proof every room in his house, although I don't think it was to stop his mother from hearing him having sex when he did it, or at least I hope that wasn't what he had in mind at the time, I am still very grateful for his forethought now as I twist around to kiss him passionately, relishing in the feel of his tongue sliding across my bottom lip as his strong hangs grope at my breasts. 

“I love you Katie” He whispers against my lips   
“I love you more” I reply, quickly distracting him with my tongue to stop him being able to fight back.

Yep, without a doubt, that asthma attack was the best thing that ever happened to me, a voice confirms in my head just before I submit and lose myself entirely in my Harry, and think of nothing for the rest of the night except the feel of our bodies entwined in ecstasy. 

The End.


End file.
